Your Personal Brand Will NEVER Grow If You Keep Doing This — Transcript

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1. 0:00Everything that you think you know about
2. 0:01personal branding is wrong and you will
3. 0:04not grow until you learn this one core
4. 0:06truth. And I'm going to break it down in
5. 0:07detail. So let's not waste any more
6. 0:09time. Let's just get right into
7. 0:12it. So what is the authenticity gap and
8. 0:16why is it hindering your personal brand?
9. 0:18The authenticity gap is this invisible
10. 0:21distance between who you really are and
11. 0:24the person that you show up to the world
12. 0:25to be accepted. You might not be faking
13. 0:28anything, but you're definitely
14. 0:29performing to a degree. You're adjusting
15. 0:31how you speak, how you dress, how you
16. 0:34express yourself, how you show up in the
17. 0:35world to fit in to what people already
18. 0:38think and want from you. And over time,
19. 0:40this creates a personal brand or
20. 0:42impression of you that looks right on
21. 0:44the outside, but feels really wrong on
22. 0:46the inside. And here's the danger of
23. 0:48this. If you pretend long enough to be
24. 0:51someone else, you forget who the real
25. 0:53you is. And this all comes from a deep
26. 0:55rooted fear of not being loved, not
27. 0:57being accepted. And this is the root
28. 0:59cause of why we show up not as
29. 1:00ourselves. So here are five common signs
30. 1:04that you might be in this authenticity
31. 1:06gap. Number one, you feel drained after
32. 1:08making content. You're like dreading it
33. 1:10and after you're done, you're just like
34. 1:11exhausted, depleted of energy. Number
35. 1:14two, you procrastinate posting because
36. 1:16it doesn't feel like you because it
37. 1:19takes a lot of effort to pretend to be
38. 1:21someone else. Number three, you're
39. 1:23second guessing your tone, your message,
40. 1:25your vibe, your everything. It's just
41. 1:27like, are people gonna like this? Are
42. 1:28they going to ignore this? Are people
43. 1:30going to like me? Are they going to
44. 1:31think I'm a fraud? Number four, you
45. 1:34attract clients, followers that feel
46. 1:36like the wrong fit? And although at the
47. 1:38beginning it might be nice to get
48. 1:40followers and the attention and the
49. 1:41reach, after a while you're like, "This
50. 1:42ain't my tribe." Number five, your
51. 1:45growth is inconsistent. Even though
52. 1:47you're doing all the right things,
53. 1:50you're following all the trends, you're
54. 1:52doing as prescribed, but it's just up
55. 1:54and down the peaks and the valleys. Now,
56. 1:56this authenticity gap might feel small,
57. 1:58but let's see how it all snowballs and
58. 2:00gets bigger and bigger. The longer you
59. 2:02operate from a misaligned place, telling
60. 2:05an untruth, the more your brand starts
61. 2:07to suffer quietly. And I'm not
62. 2:09suggesting that you're intentionally
63. 2:11creating an untruth or lying. It's just
64. 2:13these are survival mechanisms. This need
65. 2:16to desire to fit in, to be loved, and to
66. 2:18be accepted is so overwhelming that we
67. 2:20might even be doing this subconsciously.
68. 2:23So, what happens when you stay
69. 2:25inauthentic? When you're not being
70. 2:26yourself in your content, it starts to
71. 2:28wear on you. Is exhausting. You're going
72. 2:31to burn out faster. You're going to feel
73. 2:32less motivated to get up and do things.
74. 2:34And when the results start to wayne, and
75. 2:36they inevitably will, you're going to
76. 2:38feel really disconnected from your
77. 2:40message, from your brand, from how
78. 2:42you've been showing up. And
79. 2:44unfortunately, you're going to lose the
80. 2:46joy of creating. It's going to rob you
81. 2:48of that excitement that you initially
82. 2:50had cuz it feels like you're pretending
83. 2:52to be someone that you're not instead of
84. 2:54just showing up as yourself. I'm going
85. 2:57to try to make this as clear as
86. 2:58possible. If you're stuck in this
87. 3:00inauthenticity gap, you're going to
88. 3:02suffer mightily. I'm going to lay out
89. 3:03some of them for you right now. Number
90. 3:05one, you're going to be constantly
91. 3:06doubting who you are and how you show
92. 3:08up. You're just feeding the impostor
93. 3:10monster that you're a fraud and you can
94. 3:12just keep showing up waiting to be
95. 3:13discovered. And this is going to come at
96. 3:16your own self-confidence, your
97. 3:17self-worth. And anytime somebody asks
98. 3:19you a question that pushes a little bit
99. 3:21beyond the surface, you're going to fall
100. 3:23apart like a house of cards. I've seen
101. 3:25it happen many, many times. You know,
102. 3:28when people get that whole pause face
103. 3:29when they're asked a question, this is
104. 3:31what's happening. Their brain is
105. 3:32breaking. They don't know how to
106. 3:33respond. Do they continue to lie or do
107. 3:36they finally come clean? And most often
108. 3:39they choose to continue the lie. And you
109. 3:41know that expression, the truth will set
110. 3:43you free. I think there's deep wisdom in
111. 3:46that statement. If you show up as
112. 3:48yourself and stop pretending, you won't
113. 3:50have to work overtime to think about the
114. 3:52story that you've created for yourself.
115. 3:54I'm going to give you a real life
116. 3:55example right now. One of the guys who
117. 3:57used to work for me, young man, he was
118. 4:00still living at home. And when he would
119. 4:01go out on a date, the question that he
120. 4:03dreaded the most was, "Where do you
121. 4:05live? Should we go back to your place?"
122. 4:06The goal of most young people dating is
123. 4:08to like finalize that deal, right? And I
124. 4:12remember him telling me the story and
125. 4:15she's like, "Where do you want me to
126. 4:16drop you off?" He's like, "Oh, yeah. I
127. 4:17live here. Just drop me off here." So
128. 4:19she takes him back and she's like, "Who
129. 4:20do you live with?" Cuz it's a really
130. 4:21nice neighborhood, right? It's like a
131. 4:23really nice suburb. He goes, "Oh, my
132. 4:25roommates." And she goes looking at him
133. 4:26like, "This is really weird because your
134. 4:29roommates have a lot of money and you're
135. 4:31living in like a family place, right?"
136. 4:33She drops him off and I think he kisses
137. 4:35her and he kind of runs his door and
138. 4:37kind of disappears knowing that his mom
139. 4:38and dad are behind that door. So
140. 4:40throughout dinner, he has to maintain
141. 4:43this story and he's dreading having
142. 4:46deeper conversations about this. One
143. 4:48small lie leads to another lie and it
144. 4:50just starts to snowball. So the whole
145. 4:52time he's not present. He's not he's not
146. 4:55attentive and attuned to what's going on
147. 4:58because he's afraid of being discovered.
148. 5:00And as I was talking to him, I said,
149. 5:01'Hey, why don't you just tell her the
150. 5:03truth? He goes, "My god," she's going to
151. 5:05think I'm some kind of incel, total
152. 5:07loser, and I'm not going to get anywhere
153. 5:09with this. I said, 'Well, how did your
154. 5:11lie work out? It didn't work out, did
155. 5:13it? Here's how I would have answered it.
156. 5:14He goes, "Tell me, Mr. Smarty Pants."
157. 5:17So, if she asked me, "Where do you
158. 5:18live?" Say, "You know what? I still live
159. 5:21at home because right now I'm still
160. 5:24trying to figure out my life and I'm
161. 5:25using every dollar I make to invest in
162. 5:28my career as a cinematographer and as an
163. 5:30editor. Now, I say that because I know
164. 5:32this. If she ain't into you, then she
165. 5:34ain't into you. And I want to date
166. 5:36somebody who can look past that and say
167. 5:38like, I might not have what you may want
168. 5:40right now, but I got that one thing that
169. 5:42I know is going to work. It's called
170. 5:44ambition, drive, and I have a lot of
171. 5:48self-discipline. And if she's not
172. 5:49impressed by that, she's not worth your
173. 5:54time. So, how does this relate to you
174. 5:56showing up online in your personal
175. 5:57brand? It's not very different. You
176. 6:00pretend to be someone, but eventually
177. 6:02these people will meet you at a talk, at
178. 6:04a workshop, at a meetup, or bump into
179. 6:06you in the street, and you don't have
180. 6:08your makeup on. You don't have your game
181. 6:10voice on, and they're going to discover
182. 6:11like, god, this person is nothing like
183. 6:14the way they pretend to be. Let me tell
184. 6:15you this. I was at a marketing
185. 6:16mastermind with some of the most
186. 6:18successful marketers in the world and
187. 6:20there's this woman, she raised her hand.
188. 6:21She says, "You know what I like about
189. 6:22Chris?" And I'm like, "Oh, shoot. My
190. 6:23name is being called and her name is
191. 6:25Molly." And Molly says, "I met Chris a
192. 6:27while back while we're both speaking or
193. 6:29attending Atomic Con." And she goes,
194. 6:31"You know what's refreshing about him?
195. 6:33He's exactly who he is online." And
196. 6:35everybody was like, "Wow, that's so
197. 6:37cool." And then I said, "You know what,
198. 6:40Molly? That's very kind of you to say,
199. 6:42but I find it sad that you have to say
200. 6:43things like this because I wonder why is
201. 6:46this the exception? Why are we
202. 6:47applauding people for being who they're
203. 6:49supposed to be? But this sadly has
204. 6:51become the exception, not the norm. That
205. 6:54people are so caught up in trying to be
206. 6:57somebody that they're not that they will
207. 6:59eventually be found out for who they
208. 7:01really are. You know that person that
209. 7:02pretends to be nice to talk about
210. 7:04kindness or empathy or generosity or any
211. 7:08one of these traits and then when you
212. 7:10see how they act they're not consistent
213. 7:12with that is a bigger fall from grace
214. 7:16then if you just told people I'm a
215. 7:18transactional person I got five minutes
216. 7:20to share with you and that's the extent
217. 7:21of what I can do they're going to
218. 7:23respect and appreciate that way more. It
219. 7:25is better to be hated for the person
220. 7:27that you are than to be loved for the
221. 7:29person that you're not.
222. 7:31play that back again. Okay. So, I find
223. 7:34this a strange phenomenon that people
224. 7:37when they're posting things and it's a
225. 7:38little bit off-centered. They're like,
226. 7:39"Oh, that's not normal. You shouldn't be
227. 7:41doing that." And I kind of think about
228. 7:43this word normal a lot. Like, what does
229. 7:45normal mean? Normal means average. It's
230. 7:47in the middle. It's the statistical
231. 7:49average of things. And I don't know
232. 7:51who's going around telling each other
233. 7:53that I want to be average. I find that
234. 7:55to be super insulting. If you were to
235. 7:57look at my content and you say, "Chris,
236. 7:59I love your content because it's
237. 8:00average." I would be horribly offended.
238. 8:03But that's kind of what we're saying. I
239. 8:05want to be normal. This is normal. So,
240. 8:07what we're doing is we're playing to the
241. 8:09middle. We're working really hard to
242. 8:12hide in plain sight to blend in. That's
243. 8:14what we're doing with all of our
244. 8:15content. So, here's how we need to solve
245. 8:17this. Here's how we get out of being
246. 8:19normal or being average. You have to
247. 8:22focus on what makes you different.
248. 8:24Branding is intentional differentiation.
249. 8:27So we have to really ask ourselves these
250. 8:28questions. What makes you different?
251. 8:30What can you celebrate that is truly
252. 8:33authentically you? Because when you look
253. 8:35at all of who you are, it's a very rare
254. 8:37combination that very few people are
255. 8:39going to be able to claim. This is your
256. 8:41superpower when it comes to your
257. 8:42personal brand. This is how you close
258. 8:45the inauthenticity gap by doing the most
259. 8:47simple and natural thing. You see the
260. 8:49solution at least twice a day. Once in
261. 8:50the morning when you're brushing your
262. 8:51teeth and once the night when you're
263. 8:53washing your face. It's you to be you.
264. 8:56The most powerful thing that you can do
265. 8:57to be authentically yourself is to be
266. 9:00more you. And your job is to be the
267. 9:02youest you you can be. Because the more
268. 9:04you you are, the more you are. Now you
269. 9:07might be thinking to yourself, great
270. 9:09Chris rah be me. The me is me I can be.
271. 9:12What am I going to do with that? Give me
272. 9:13something concrete to hang my hat on.
273. 9:15Here we go. I want you to create four
274. 9:16columns. on each column. Just write this
275. 9:18down and then try to generate as many
276. 9:20ideas without judgment. This is the
277. 9:22critical part. Christian Birdie says
278. 9:24this too by the way that the highest
279. 9:25form of intelligence is observation
280. 9:27without judgment. So let's be really
281. 9:30smart when we do this exercise together.
282. 9:32So here are the four columns. What are
283. 9:33you good at? What are you trained to do?
284. 9:35What are you skilled at? Usually this is
285. 9:37what you learned in school, how you've
286. 9:39apprenticed, where you put your 10,000
287. 9:40hours in. Number two, what are the
288. 9:42things that you love? What do you have a
289. 9:44deep passion for or even a figning
290. 9:46interest? What are your hobbies? What
291. 9:48what kind of iscratic things do you
292. 9:50explore when no one's watching? And if
293. 9:52you had all the money in the world, what
294. 9:53would you be doing in your free time? We
295. 9:55need to explore that. Number three is
296. 9:58what does the world value? What is
297. 10:00valuable right now? What is what is
298. 10:01something you're going to be paid for
299. 10:03that is in demand at this moment. And
300. 10:05the fourth is probably the hardest thing
301. 10:07is what does the world need beyond
302. 10:09money? What does it need? Does it need a
303. 10:11solution to a much bigger problem? And
304. 10:13what you want to do is write all these
305. 10:15things down. The first two are really
306. 10:17about you. The second two are about what
307. 10:19the world wants. So column one and two
308. 10:21is looking inward. Column three and four
309. 10:22is looking outward. And what you want to
310. 10:24do is after you're done, go through your
311. 10:26list in each column and underline
312. 10:28anything that gives you a little joy,
313. 10:29that sparks a little excitement in you.
314. 10:31And then this is the hardest part. Find
315. 10:33the intersection of all those words and
316. 10:36design the perfect version of yourself.
317. 10:38The one that plays to as many of your
318. 10:40unique traits as possible. Let me give
319. 10:42you an example. I'm working with a
320. 10:44friend right now. Her name is Uma and we
321. 10:46made this list together. So she's like,
322. 10:48"What are you really good at?" And
323. 10:50that's the easiest part because we know
324. 10:51what that is because we went to school
325. 10:52for it. It's usually what we get paid to
326. 10:54do. But the interesting part was as a
327. 10:56child, she learned how to play the
328. 10:58piano. She loves music. And I said, "Are
329. 11:01you good?" She goes, "Yes." And I asked
330. 11:02her, "What makes you really good?" She
331. 11:04goes, "I know how to draw out emotions
332. 11:06by playing the keys. Some people play
333. 11:08the song, I play the emotions." Like,
334. 11:10wow. What could you do that integrates
335. 11:13the things that you're really good at,
336. 11:15which is helping women in the corporate
337. 11:18space transition from business to
338. 11:19business in a professional context or
339. 11:21from business to personal? She's very
340. 11:23good at that. And she's also very good
341. 11:25at helping women feel seen and to
342. 11:27normalize things that are typically
343. 11:29taboo or demonized. She makes it safe
344. 11:32for women to show up as themselves. But
345. 11:34she's missing this other component of
346. 11:36music. So like I told her, if I could
347. 11:38sing, I would sing on stage. If I could
348. 11:41dance, I would dance my butt off on
349. 11:43stage while I'm giving my presentation.
350. 11:45But what I have to do is lean in on the
351. 11:47gifts that I have, not the gifts that I
352. 11:49want. And that's a big difference there.
353. 11:52Put in as much of you into this stuff as
354. 11:55possible. And that's how you show up
355. 11:57truly authentically as yourself. This
356. 11:59next part is going to hurt some
357. 12:00feelings, especially if you feel called
358. 12:02out. But if you feel called out, it's
359. 12:03cuz you're doing something wrong. Let me
360. 12:04just tell you that much. There are a lot
361. 12:06of people in the personal branding space
362. 12:08talking about how to build personal
363. 12:09brands that they're so-called quote
364. 12:11unquote experts at this. Most of them
365. 12:13use the word personal brand because it's
366. 12:15on trend. It's popular. It's in demand.
367. 12:19But what they're really talking about is
368. 12:20how to build sales funnels or marketing
369. 12:23funnels. This is really what they're
370. 12:24teaching how to do. How do you create
371. 12:26content to attract people? Because
372. 12:28they're concerned about the short-term
373. 12:31performance of the content that you
374. 12:32create. Now, there are reasons why you
375. 12:35need to do this because performance
376. 12:37marketing helps to bring in money. It
377. 12:38helps to support your business and cash
378. 12:40flow. But the more performance marketing
379. 12:43you do, it comes at the cost of building
380. 12:45long-term brand value. Historically
381. 12:48speaking, we've not had quantifiable
382. 12:51ways to look at measuring brand value.
383. 12:54But that's old thinking because I'll
384. 12:56tell you this, brand has tremendous
385. 12:59value besides awareness and reach and
386. 13:01sentiment because when you take the logo
387. 13:05or the mark of a brand that's very
388. 13:07valuable and you apply to something else
389. 13:09and increases the value of that thing,
390. 13:11you now can recognize how much brand is
391. 13:14worth. And the classic example I love to
392. 13:16give to people is water. One of the most
393. 13:18ubiquitous available resources on the
394. 13:20planet. things that literally come from
395. 13:22the sky that if you're in a place that
396. 13:24it rains enough, you can collect for
397. 13:26free. Yet, there are companies out there
398. 13:29who sell you this free resource for a
399. 13:32little bit to a lot of money. And most
400. 13:34of it is built on brand. This is
401. 13:36critical for you to understand. And so,
402. 13:38here's something that I'm going to tie
403. 13:40this one together for you. So, stick
404. 13:41with me. Now, I don't know the exact
405. 13:43ratio depending on how old you are, if
406. 13:44you're a man or a woman, but we are
407. 13:46mostly made up of water. That doesn't
408. 13:48mean we're 90% water, but the majority
409. 13:49of our body is made up of water. So, if
410. 13:51you're walking around and looking at
411. 13:54packages of water, and each one
412. 13:56communicates a different sense of value.
413. 13:58There's a story to it. There's a
414. 14:00provenence, meaning where did it come
415. 14:02from? And Fiji claims untouched by man,
416. 14:04filtered through a thousand years of
417. 14:06lava rock. That's its story. That's its
418. 14:08providence. Those brands command premium
419. 14:11price. All you have to do to prove this
420. 14:13is to pull the label off the bottle. And
421. 14:15what's more is if you take that water
422. 14:17and you open it and you pour into a
423. 14:18glass, you've completely devalued that
424. 14:21water at this point because you've
425. 14:22removed any story or anything that makes
426. 14:24it different. And then you look at
427. 14:26yourself and you look at your content.
428. 14:28If the majority of who we are is water,
429. 14:30what is the package? What is the story?
430. 14:33What is the brand? So, are you
431. 14:34unintentionally walking around without a
432. 14:36label, without a story to devalue who
433. 14:38you are? That's the big question to
434. 14:40think about. So my perspective is
435. 14:43counter to what most of these personal
436. 14:45branding experts and I say that with a
437. 14:48lot of like tongue and cheek because
438. 14:50what I want you to do instead of looking
439. 14:52at this as a marketing platform to go
440. 14:54get more customers to fill your pipeline
441. 14:57is to learn about who you are and to
442. 15:00connect with it authentically and
443. 15:01express that in the purest form to the
444. 15:04world because in the long run that's
445. 15:06what's going to make you different.
446. 15:07That's the thing that's going to create
447. 15:08value for you and it's going to be
448. 15:10exponentially more valuable than what
449. 15:12you can make by trying to sell your
450. 15:14services through the label of brand.
451. 15:17[Music]