Your Moral Self- Day 10 - Love — Transcript

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1. 0:00[Music]
2. 0:06hello
3. 0:07and welcome to day 10 of lifebooks 30
4. 0:09day transformational challenge
5. 0:11i'm so happy to have you here with me
6. 0:13today and i want to congratulate you
7. 0:15because you're a third of the way
8. 0:16through this program already it's going
9. 0:18kind of fast for me at least i hope
10. 0:19you're having as much fun in here as i
11. 0:21am yesterday we began our exploration of
12. 0:24the character category
13. 0:26and today we're going to go a little bit
14. 0:27deeper into this fascinating category
15. 0:30and we're going to end with a powerful
16. 0:32character building exercise
17. 0:35this exercise i've seen it work magic in
18. 0:37people's lives so i'm really super
19. 0:38excited to share it with you today
20. 0:41you know a life book we learned a long
21. 0:43time ago how important this category is
22. 0:46maybe the most important category of all
23. 0:48there's a lot of debate about this
24. 0:51but i'll tell you simply put the
25. 0:53character category is the foundation
26. 0:56of the other 11 categories of your life
27. 0:58your character
28. 1:00will pretty much determine everything in
29. 1:01your life your level of health and
30. 1:03fitness
31. 1:03the quality of your love relationship
32. 1:06your career in financial success
33. 1:08the quality of the things that you have
34. 1:10in your life and the experiences that
35. 1:12you have in your life
36. 1:13even the length of your life is usually
37. 1:16determined by your character
38. 1:18so today we're going to do a deep dive
39. 1:20into this subject
40. 1:21and then we're going to explore this
41. 1:22exercise which i think you're going to
42. 1:23find a very
43. 1:24valuable addition to your life
44. 1:27development toolkit
45. 1:28the origin of the word character is very
46. 1:31interesting
47. 1:32it actually comes from a greek word for
48. 1:35engraved mark
49. 1:37or a symbol or an imprint on the soul
50. 1:41in ancient times a character was a stamp
51. 1:44or a marking that was impressed into wax
52. 1:47or clay
53. 1:48the use of the word has changed over the
54. 1:50years but that's its origin
55. 1:52a stamp or a mark on your soul
56. 1:55now since about the 17th century the
57. 1:57word has been associated with
58. 2:00the some qualities of your personality
59. 2:03the the some qualities that define a
60. 2:05person
61. 2:06so your character pretty much includes
62. 2:09everything
63. 2:10that you are your behaviors your
64. 2:13thoughts your ideas your
65. 2:14your motivations your intentions your
66. 2:17temperament
67. 2:18your emotions your tendencies
68. 2:21all of these components go into shaping
69. 2:24and coloring your identity and the
70. 2:27balance of these components within your
71. 2:28soul
72. 2:29is what makes up your character it's
73. 2:31what makes
74. 2:32your personal character unique and sets
75. 2:35you apart from
76. 2:36everybody else everybody's character is
77. 2:38different
78. 2:39most importantly your character is
79. 2:42defined by how your
80. 2:44actions relate to your personal morality
81. 2:48morality meaning your personal code of
82. 2:51values
83. 2:52and conduct that reflect your sense of
84. 2:54right and wrong
85. 2:55your sense of good and bad or what's
86. 2:57proper
87. 2:58or improper to human beings so your
88. 3:01character in a way is your moral self
89. 3:04and it's it can be thought of as
90. 3:06something that you build
91. 3:08through virtuous behavior so when we
92. 3:10think about the original meaning of the
93. 3:12word to engrave or to imprint or to
94. 3:15stamp
95. 3:16the process of building good character
96. 3:18you can think about it as
97. 3:20stamping your sense of morality onto
98. 3:22yourself
99. 3:23imposing moral order onto your life
100. 3:27and the quality of your character is
101. 3:30determined by how deeply
102. 3:32engraved your morality is
103. 3:35onto your life it's about how deeply
104. 3:38yourself your beliefs your thoughts your
105. 3:41words and your actions
106. 3:42are integrated with your morality with
107. 3:45your sense of right
108. 3:46and wrong so a couple simple but key
109. 3:49questions in this category are
110. 3:52do you do the things that you know you
111. 3:54should do
112. 3:55well if you do that's strong character
113. 3:58do you do the things that you know you
114. 4:00shouldn't do
115. 4:02well if you do that's weak character
116. 4:06character is about should and shouldn't
117. 4:09a person with strong character
118. 4:10consistently gets himself or herself
119. 4:13to do the things they should do and
120. 4:15consistently
121. 4:16doesn't do the things they shouldn't do
122. 4:19according to what
123. 4:20according to their own morality again
124. 4:23strong character is about doing what you
125. 4:25should do and not doing what you
126. 4:27shouldn't do according to your own
127. 4:28beliefs and your own values
128. 4:31and nowhere does your character show up
129. 4:33more
130. 4:34than in your daily habits your habits
131. 4:37the things you do consistently
132. 4:40shape your life and define you as a
133. 4:42human being
134. 4:44you are what you consistently do
135. 4:47aristotle said we become just
136. 4:51by performing just actions we become
137. 4:53temperate
138. 4:54by performing temperate actions we
139. 4:56become brave
140. 4:57by performing brave actions you are
141. 5:00what you continuously do your habits
142. 5:04shape your character and the good news
143. 5:07and interesting news is
144. 5:09your character can also shape your
145. 5:11habits because habits are learned
146. 5:14you can learn good habits and you can
147. 5:16unlearn bad ones
148. 5:17you can become aware of the habitual
149. 5:19ways you think and act
150. 5:20and consciously choose to get rid of bad
151. 5:23behaviors
152. 5:24and to install good new behaviors
153. 5:26that'll take hold in your life
154. 5:28and work for you instead of working
155. 5:30against you
156. 5:31it is a choice most people don't know
157. 5:34that
158. 5:35their habits were born unconsciously and
159. 5:38they perform them unconsciously
160. 5:40and if you are what you do that means
161. 5:42that your character
162. 5:44is evolving unconsciously but the truth
163. 5:47is
164. 5:48it's completely within your power to
165. 5:50control your habits
166. 5:52and consciously shape your character as
167. 5:54a result
168. 5:55it's one of the most important things
169. 5:57and one of the most powerful things
170. 5:58that you could ever do as a human being
171. 6:02look we've all got bad habits if you
172. 6:04know someone who doesn't have bad habits
173. 6:06please introduce them to me because i
174. 6:07have not met that person yet
175. 6:10we all do stuff that we know we
176. 6:11shouldn't do and sometimes we don't do
177. 6:13stuff
178. 6:14that we know we should do so today's
179. 6:16character building exercise
180. 6:18focuses on just identifying one negative
181. 6:21habitual pattern that we're running
182. 6:23and getting rid of it so as to
183. 6:26strengthen our character a little bit
184. 6:28now i'll tell you done properly this
185. 6:31exercise can create anything from a
186. 6:33small
187. 6:33incremental improvement in your life to
188. 6:36a profound
189. 6:37positive change that can lead to a
190. 6:39completely different existence
191. 6:41i have seen this exercise work miracles
192. 6:44it was inspired by my dear friend tony
193. 6:46robbins years ago
194. 6:47and i've used it repeatedly in my own
195. 6:49life with great success and i've helped
196. 6:51a lot of other people use it in their
197. 6:53lives
198. 6:54so let's explore this exercise now
199. 6:58first thing you want to do is take a
200. 7:00look at some of the things that you do
201. 7:01repeatedly
202. 7:02that you'd rather not do your bad
203. 7:06habits now it's okay we've all got them
204. 7:09you know might be out of control eating
205. 7:12might be
206. 7:13habitual negative thinking drinking too
207. 7:16much alcohol
208. 7:17spending above your financial means
209. 7:19smoking
210. 7:21biting your nails losing your temper too
211. 7:23much
212. 7:24just take a few seconds now and think
213. 7:27about some of your
214. 7:29negative patterns and see what comes up
215. 7:32your mission is to target a bad habit in
216. 7:34your life
217. 7:35do you have one in mind now okay keep
218. 7:38that bad habit in mind
219. 7:40and we're going to explore the answers
220. 7:42to three questions so what we want to do
221. 7:44here is create the mental
222. 7:46emotional and spiritual leverage you
223. 7:48need
224. 7:49to break that bad habit and free
225. 7:51yourself from it once and for all and
226. 7:53i'm telling you right now
227. 7:55this exercise can do it even if nothing
228. 7:57else has helped before
229. 7:59so got that bad habit in mind okay
230. 8:01here's what you want to do question
231. 8:03number one
232. 8:04do you have to answer is what is the
233. 8:07payoff
234. 8:08for this bad behavior there are
235. 8:11reasons that we do what we do
236. 8:14so what are your reasons i guarantee
237. 8:17there's some kind of enjoyable payoff
238. 8:19for this negative behavior so what is it
239. 8:22now this is a major point that most
240. 8:24people overlook when they're trying to
241. 8:25change
242. 8:26a negative behavior they sort of
243. 8:28mentally accuse this bad habit of being
244. 8:30all bad and they don't bring enough
245. 8:32consciousness to how much they actually
246. 8:34love it
247. 8:35and why they love it i mean you wouldn't
248. 8:38be doing it if you didn't love it
249. 8:40so just take a minute and list
250. 8:44the benefits that you're getting because
251. 8:46i promise you there are benefits there
252. 8:48if you're overweight because you
253. 8:50habitually overeat well
254. 8:52this is where you've got to acknowledge
255. 8:54how much you love donuts
256. 8:56how much those little krispy kremes are
257. 8:57just little slices of heaven when you
258. 8:59put them in your mouth
259. 9:00and they melt in your mouth and it's
260. 9:02just euphoric and you love it
261. 9:04and you love gelato and you love the hot
262. 9:06quarter pounder with cheese and yes i'll
263. 9:08have some large fries with that
264. 9:10it makes me really really happy to eat
265. 9:13food like this in the moment or
266. 9:17when i go shopping and spend money i
267. 9:18shouldn't spend it gives me a rush
268. 9:21it makes me feel important i get an
269. 9:23energy burst it feels great in the
270. 9:24moment
271. 9:26or when i lose my temper and blow off
272. 9:28steam
273. 9:29i got to admit it's an emotional release
274. 9:31or makes me feel powerful or whatever
275. 9:34i love biting my nails because why
276. 9:38one of the things i love about smoking
277. 9:40is what
278. 9:42so what you want to do here is you want
279. 9:44to make an exhaustive list
280. 9:46of all of the payoffs for this bed
281. 9:49behavior
282. 9:50all of the payoffs for not changing
283. 9:53this behavior you got to acknowledge
284. 9:56them because they're real
285. 9:57and if you do decide to go all in and
286. 10:00change this behavior
287. 10:01this little list of your payoffs the
288. 10:03payoffs that you're getting for the bad
289. 10:04behavior
290. 10:05is going to give you a crystal clear
291. 10:06picture of what you need to let go
292. 10:09of in order to win this battle
293. 10:13so question number one what payoff am i
294. 10:17getting consistently for this bad
295. 10:18behavior
296. 10:21question number two what price will i
297. 10:24have to pay
298. 10:25if i don't change this behavior
299. 10:28now this is an important one and it
300. 10:30takes courage to go here
301. 10:32it's where you got to get serious about
302. 10:33the real pain
303. 10:35that you are inflicting on yourself on a
304. 10:38consistent basis
305. 10:39because of this behavior what does it do
306. 10:42to your self-esteem
307. 10:44to know that you smoke and you can't
308. 10:46stop smoking
309. 10:47or that you drink too much or that
310. 10:49you're consistently overweight
311. 10:51what does it do to know that you're not
312. 10:53in control of this area of your life how
313. 10:55does that make you feel
314. 10:56that you're not living at a level that
315. 10:58you should be living at that
316. 10:59you know what kind of an example are you
317. 11:01setting for your kids how is this bad
318. 11:03behavior holding you back
319. 11:05future pays it you keep doing this for
320. 11:07years and years and years where are you
321. 11:08going to end up
322. 11:09what's the price that you're paying
323. 11:11daily in your life go
324. 11:13into it go deep and feel the pain
325. 11:17and what is the real pain that's headed
326. 11:19your way years in the future if you eat
327. 11:21too much if you drink too much if you
328. 11:23smoke
329. 11:24what's going to happen your body's going
330. 11:26to fall apart
331. 11:27if you don't change your body is going
332. 11:29to fall apart and what's that going to
333. 11:30mean for your wife what's that going to
334. 11:31mean for your husband what's that going
335. 11:33to mean for your kids
336. 11:34are you on a path that's going to end in
337. 11:36a ruined relationship
338. 11:38in a compromised quality of life you
339. 11:41know you shouldn't be doing this
340. 11:43you know you need to change why
341. 11:46so what you want to do here is make an
342. 11:48exhaustive list and you want to be as
343. 11:50hardcore with yourself as possible
344. 11:52this is this is serious stuff you want
345. 11:54to make it as scary as you can
346. 11:56while keeping it real because this is
347. 11:58where your leverage
348. 11:59is going to live your leverage to change
349. 12:02question number three if i free myself
350. 12:05from this bad habit if i'm successful in
351. 12:08letting this go
352. 12:09what am i going to gain and this is
353. 12:12where you describe the vision of the new
354. 12:14you
355. 12:14and your new life free of that behavior
356. 12:17that you haven't been able to shake
357. 12:19and how awesome would that be how would
358. 12:21it make you feel about yourself
359. 12:23if you've finally won this battle if you
360. 12:26were 40 pounds lighter
361. 12:28if you looked 5 or 10 years younger if
362. 12:30you felt great inside if you let those
363. 12:32cigarettes go if you let that alcohol
364. 12:34go what would it do for your love life
365. 12:36what would it do for your sex
366. 12:38life what would it do for your parenting
367. 12:40or your spiritual life
368. 12:42would it would it surge you in your
369. 12:43career how much more integrity would you
370. 12:46have
371. 12:46how much more self-esteem would you feel
372. 12:49if you were living a 12
373. 12:51category smart life instead of having
374. 12:53this monkey on your back
375. 12:56go deep into that vision of the new you
376. 12:58unchained
377. 12:59from this behavior you want to see it
378. 13:02you want to
379. 13:03feel it because there there's a huge
380. 13:05amount of leverage here
381. 13:07so make your list of the payoffs of
382. 13:09letting this go
383. 13:10now once you've made these three lists
384. 13:12this is where the magic happens
385. 13:14you want to take a look at your answers
386. 13:16to these questions now the answer to
387. 13:18question number one the benefits that
388. 13:20you're getting from this behavior
389. 13:21those benefits you know that krispy
390. 13:23kreme or that rush from the cigarette or
391. 13:25whatever it is those benefits
392. 13:26it's on one side of the scale the
393. 13:29answers to the benefits
394. 13:30on the other side of the scale are the
395. 13:32answers to questions
396. 13:33two and three the immense price that
397. 13:35you're gonna have to pay for not
398. 13:36changing
399. 13:37and the new life that's waiting for you
400. 13:39if you do change that's what's on the
401. 13:41other side of the scale there
402. 13:42so the things that you listed in
403. 13:44question number one all those payoffs
404. 13:45you're enjoying right now
405. 13:47those are literally the things that are
406. 13:49standing in between you and your new
407. 13:50life
408. 13:51are those benefits really that great
409. 13:54well
410. 13:54take a look at the answers to question
411. 13:56number two the true cost of this
412. 13:58negative behavior
413. 13:59you know that's some scary stuff is it
414. 14:02worth it
415. 14:03is a krispy kreme really worth an early
416. 14:05death
417. 14:06is habitual spending really worth a
418. 14:08lifetime of financial disaster
419. 14:10and look at the answers to question
420. 14:12number three the payoff of leaving this
421. 14:15bad habit behind
422. 14:16look at that i mean that's a new life
423. 14:18right there and that's the whole point
424. 14:20of this exercise you guys
425. 14:21when you take a look at the two sides of
426. 14:23that scale
427. 14:25you'll find that the payoffs for
428. 14:27changing
429. 14:28vastly outweigh the payoffs of staying
430. 14:30the same there's no comparison
431. 14:32never is and the cost and pain
432. 14:36of staying the same and not changing
433. 14:39vastly outweigh
434. 14:40the cost and the pain of making that
435. 14:42change no comparison
436. 14:45there never is so you might just be able
437. 14:48to say goodbye to that bad habit
438. 14:50and mourn if you have to you know have a
439. 14:52little ritual around letting it go
440. 14:55because i promise you this once you flip
441. 14:57that switch in your emotional body and
442. 14:59prove to yourself
443. 15:01that this behavior simply just doesn't
444. 15:03belong in your life it's not as great as
445. 15:05it seemed
446. 15:06it's game over you've won the battle
447. 15:09it's
448. 15:10now just a matter of going through the
449. 15:12motions required to achieve your goal
450. 15:14i've seen this exercise break lifelong
451. 15:17habits that nothing else could break
452. 15:19including smoking which is one of the
453. 15:21most addictive
454. 15:22destructive sneaky little habits that
455. 15:24there is and i've seen
456. 15:26i've seen that one broken many many
457. 15:27times by this exercise
458. 15:30all you got to do is is read those
459. 15:33three short lists every day for a week
460. 15:36for a whole week with feeling get
461. 15:39yourself to
462. 15:40feel the emotion of it super powerful
463. 15:42just give this a try and you'll see
464. 15:46so your character an engraved mark
465. 15:50a symbol an imprint on your soul
466. 15:53and what we're imprinting on ourselves
467. 15:56is our sense
468. 15:57of what's right of what's proper
469. 16:01our morality kathy better said
470. 16:05life is raw material we are the artisans
471. 16:09we can sculpt our existence into
472. 16:11something beautiful
473. 16:12or we can debase it into ugliness it's
474. 16:15in our hands
475. 16:17and that's so true we're both the
476. 16:19sculptor and the sculpted
477. 16:21shaping ourselves each and every day in
478. 16:24the image of our values
479. 16:26and what a curious indescribably
480. 16:29powerful thing that is that we have
481. 16:32control
482. 16:33over the shape of our own soul okay
483. 16:36before i leave you today
484. 16:38i want to just share a little bit about
485. 16:39tomorrow's category
486. 16:41tomorrow we've got a real treat in store
487. 16:43for you
488. 16:44we're going to explore one of the
489. 16:45deepest categories imaginable
490. 16:47as if the character category wasn't deep
491. 16:49right your spiritual life is what we're
492. 16:52going to talk about tomorrow
493. 16:53who are you deep down what are you all
494. 16:55about why are you here
495. 16:57what is the reason you exist you know
496. 17:00very few people have taken the time to
497. 17:02think through
498. 17:03and clarify their own spiritual beliefs
499. 17:07doing that gives you a power and a
500. 17:09clarity that you cannot get in any other
501. 17:11way
502. 17:12and tomorrow i'm really excited to
503. 17:14explore this with you it's going to be
504. 17:15fascinating and it's going to be
505. 17:17profound
506. 17:19thank you so much for spending this time
507. 17:20with me today it's been a real pleasure
508. 17:22you're doing a great job in this
509. 17:24challenge keep up the good work
510. 17:26and i'll see you tomorrow as we explore
511. 17:29your spiritual life together
512. 17:36[Music]
513. 17:44you