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You're Stuck Because You Refuse to Grow Up — Transcript

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0:00And this is the whole problem of puer is
0:01that if you are never willing to commit,
0:04if you never take the plunge, then you
0:05will never live life. You'll live, as
0:08Bane said, a provisional life, a
0:10half-life. There is always a problem.
0:13There's never the perfect job. There's
0:15always a sense of settling. You have to
0:17go into battle and kill or be killed.
0:20The problem is that y'all are sitting on
0:22the sidelines. Y'all are never
0:23committing 100% and so your dream can
0:26never become a reality. Okay, but the
0:28key thing here is if y'all are at the
0:29end of this or this lecture and you're
0:30saying, "What do I do?" It's the wrong
0:32question. The short answer is nothing.
0:35An an equally valid answer is
0:37everything.
0:38This is hands down the hardest lecture
0:40that I've ever given.
0:42Okay?
0:43So, it's going to be hard. It's going to
0:46be weird.
0:47It's not going to make a whole lot of
0:49sense.
0:50And if you listen to it, really listen
0:53to it, it could transform you. But, if
0:56you listen to it in the wrong way, it
0:58won't touch you at all. Okay? So, I want
1:01y'all to listen to my message, not my
1:03words. So, the problem of puer aeternus
1:06is one of unrealized potential. The
1:09basic issue here is that puer aeterni,
1:12first of all, is an archetype and we're
1:13going to go into what that means, okay?
1:16But, the basic issue is that we have
1:18within us a voice that is creative and
1:20excited. Okay, that is the voice of the
1:22inner child. We get hyped about things.
1:25So, puer aeternus literally means puer
1:27means is the is the word for male child.
1:29There's also puella aeternus, female
1:31child, and aeternus means forever. So,
1:33people who are stuck with this childlike
1:36view of the world, they cannot work
1:38hard, they cannot commit to things. The
1:41key problem is that it's a problem of
1:43like not being able to give up
1:46potential. That is why they cannot live
1:48up to their potential. Any door that I
1:51walk through in life means that I am
1:53closing other doors. If I get married to
1:56this person, that means that I cannot
1:57get married to this person. If I choose
1:59to major in this in college, that means
2:01I can't major in in that in college. So,
2:04many of us are like we're not we're
2:05paralyzed with being able to move
2:07forward because there's this idea of
2:09like what if it doesn't work? This is
2:12the problem to solve. We are a community
2:16of puer aeterni. We're a community of
2:18people who have potential and don't live
2:20up to it. We're a community of people
2:22who are gifted but don't turn it into
2:25something. I myself was a problem of
2:28puer aeternus and now I'm still a puer
2:30aeternus, but there is a fundamental
2:32change that can happen where suddenly
2:36all of the potential that we start to
2:37have constellates. So, let's just
2:40characterize this a little bit, okay?
2:41This is our quick recap. In addition,
2:43there is an arrogant attitude toward
2:45other people due to both an inferiority
2:47complex and false feelings of
2:49superiority. Such people also usually
2:52have great difficulty in finding the
2:54right kind of job for whatever they find
2:56is never quite right or quite what they
2:58wanted. There is always a hair in the
3:01soup. The woman is also never quite the
3:03right woman. She is a nice girlfriend,
3:05but there is always a butt which will
3:07prevents marriage or any kind of
3:09definitive com- commitment. So, puer
3:11aeternus is a life of a hair in the
3:13soup. Something just doesn't work. It's
3:15like okay, but like uh
3:18I can't commit to it, right? I don't
3:20want to like lock in with this soup that
3:23has hair in it. Which results in what
3:25H.G. Baynes has described as the
3:27provisional life. That is the strange
3:30attitude and feeling that one is not yet
3:32in real life. For the time being, one is
3:35doing this or that, but whether it is a
3:36woman or a job, it is not yet what is
3:39really wanted. There's always the
3:41fantasy that sometime in the future the
3:43real thing will come about. Okay? So,
3:46this is the problem of puer that like
3:48we're just sort of existing, right? So,
3:50we we sort of live this life where we're
3:52like trying to keep our options open and
3:54we can't lock into one thing because
3:57what if it is the wrong thing? And it's
3:58not what if it is the wrong thing? It's
4:01worse than that because it is the wrong
4:03thing. There is always a problem.
4:05There's never the perfect job. There's
4:07always a sense of settling. But we don't
4:09want to settle. We want that thing that
4:11we know is out there. If we can just
4:13find it, it it'll be perfect. So, we
4:15can't afford to settle. And so, we end
4:17up living what Bains calls is a provi
4:20sional life. Hey y'all, if all this puer
4:22aeternus stuff is resonating with you,
4:24definitely check out our resources page.
4:26This is a new thing that we're doing for
4:27really important topics. We're trying to
4:29build additional resources that are all
4:31free, things like additional info,
4:33additional videos, kind of like a track
4:35of what to do next. So, check out the
4:37link in the description below.
4:40So, provisional life is one of where one
4:41is existing,
4:43but one is not like actually living life
4:45to the fullest, okay? The one thing
4:47dreaded throughout by such a type of man
4:49is to be bound to anything whatsoever.
4:52There is a terrific fear of being the
4:53singular human being that one is. There
4:56is always the fear of being caught in a
4:58situation from which it may be
5:01impossible to slip out again. They
5:03generally do not like sports which
5:05require patience and long training. For
5:07puer aeternus in the negative sense of
5:09the world word is usually very impatient
5:12by disposition so that such ports sports
5:14do not appeal to them, right? And then
5:16there's this story of like this person
5:19who learned all of these like yogic
5:20exercises and was able trained himself
5:24self to to sleep outdoors just because
5:26he didn't want to carry a pack, right?
5:28So, the puer will never or puella will
5:30never deign themselves to be ordinary. I
5:33would rather go through heroic growth
5:36and be exceptional in this way, but it's
5:39not true heroism. It is avoidance of the
5:42dreary, avoidance of doing things like
5:45other people. Like I'm not one of the
5:47plebs. For [ __ ] sake, I'm not always
5:50I'm not one of the plebs. They do not
5:52like conventional conventional
5:54situations. They ask deep questions and
5:56go straight straight for truth. On the
5:58contrary, he lives in a continual sleepy
6:00days. That too is a typical adolescent
6:03characteristic. The sleepy,
6:04undisciplined, long-legged youth who
6:06merely hangs around, his mind wandering
6:08indiscriminately, so that sometimes one
6:10feels inclined to pour a bucket of cold
6:13water over his head. The sleepy days is
6:15only an outer aspect, however, and if
6:17you can penetrate it, you will find a
6:19lively fantasy life is being cherished
6:22within.
6:23They have great great hopes and great
6:25great dreams. Okay? And they also evoke
6:28a response of like wanting to throttle
6:31them. Like, "Oh, I'm going to stop
6:33[ __ ] sitting around and doing
6:35nothing. You have all these dreams in
6:37your head. Let me take a bucket of cold
6:38water and throw it over your head." This
6:40response is not just triggered by
6:42external people, is triggered by your
6:44own mind. So, you will feel this
6:46response to you. "Why can't I just snap
6:50out of it,
6:51make a commitment, and just get up and
6:53grind every day?" This is the problem of
6:56puer. Now, Jung spoke of work as the
7:00solution. But, the kind of work that is
7:02dreary, that is drab, right? The puer is
7:05very impatient. So, like, we can get
7:08excited about things, but the moment
7:10that the excitement disappears, it's
7:12like, "Eh,
7:14I can't do it." So, puers can work
7:16really hard, they are just not in
7:18control of their work. And this is
7:20what's so devastating about it is
7:21because we all know, right? We have this
7:23like fantasy of like not fantasy, we
7:25have this reality of there was 72 hours
7:28where I woke up, I felt great. I was
7:31hyped, I was engaged, I wanted the flow
7:33state, I got the flow state, I produced
7:36something that was truly brilliant. And
7:38then day four rolled around, day five
7:41rolled around, and then I didn't feel
7:42like doing it. And instead of forcing
7:45themselves to continue doing it when
7:47they don't feel like, they search
7:49endlessly for the way to reignite that
7:52spark. I don't want to do the hard hard
7:54work. I want to find the perfect
7:56optimization, yogic technique,
7:58supplement thing, brain hacking,
8:00biohacking, spirituality, wellness,
8:02health, whatever, perfect environment,
8:04productivity solution, reading 100
8:06productivity books, summarizing a
8:0810-minute YouTube video so I don't
8:10actually have to read the books. I
8:11bottled lightning for 72 hours. I don't
8:14want to generate electricity using a
8:16treadmill. I want to learn how to
8:18consistently bottle lightning. This is
8:21the problem of puer. So today what we're
8:23going to do, we're going to show y'all
8:25what the problem of what first of all
8:26what puer is and what it isn't. Then
8:29we're going to go through a series of
8:30like patterns in the puer mind. And then
8:33hopefully we will understand what it
8:35really is. The problem is that you can
8:38do nothing about this. You can do
8:42nothing about this. No action will fix
8:45this. And the reason no action will fix
8:47this is because this does not exist at
8:51the level of action. This exists at a
8:54very deep psychological level. So work
8:57won't solve the problem. Work will
8:58actually be part of the problem. Okay?
9:00So like the the cure is work, but doing
9:03work doesn't work, even though it's the
9:06cure. That's the problem of puer. Pretty
9:08sure I'm a puer eternus, but doing hard
9:09work doesn't seem to have fixed me.
9:11Let's see if we can understand why.
9:13Let's go back like 150 years to what
9:15this lady said and see if a Reddit post
9:18from 11 days ago can be answered by a
9:20text that's like 100 years old. The puer
9:23eternus has to learn to carry on with
9:25work he does not like, not only with
9:27work where he is carried away by great
9:28enthusiasm, which is something that
9:30everybody can do. Primitive people who
9:32are said to be lazy can do that. For as
9:34soon as they are gripped by something
9:35they work, even to the point of
9:37exhaustion. I would not evaluate that as
9:39work, but as being carried away by a
9:42festival of work. The work which is the
9:45cure for puer aeternus is where he has
9:47to kick himself out of bed on a dreary
9:49morning again and again and take up a a
9:51boring job through sheer willpower,
9:53okay? But people say, "But he's working
9:55hard." Yes, but the reason he's working
9:58hard is he must have escaped to some
10:01other kind of work, or he must have run
10:03away from some other kind of work. So
10:06this is the problem. Work is the answer,
10:08but work will never fix it. Because even
10:10when you do work, when you work really
10:13hard, you are not doing the hard work.
10:16You are running away from the hard work
10:18by doing easy work. Got it? So like
10:21y'all see that and you know this, right?
10:23You would move mountains to avoid
10:26climbing a molehill. I will develop my
10:29own theory of integrated physics that
10:33combines Newtonian mechanics with
10:35quantum mechanics. I would rather do
10:37that than study for physics 101 and
10:41calculate friction of a pulley system. I
10:44will be great and I will be grand and I
10:46will be sacrificial. I will work
10:48incredibly hard, but I never I never
10:51going to do that. So when I say work is
10:52the answer, it's not the answer. It is
10:55the answer and it's impossible to do. So
10:57now the question [snorts] becomes, okay,
10:59how do we do it? Like what what what do
11:00we do? So we have to understand what an
11:02archetype is. So Jung was a
11:05psychoanalyst and he came up with this
11:07idea, didn't really come up with it,
11:08popularized in the West this idea of
11:11something called a collective
11:13unconscious. So he's like, we have our
11:17regular conscious
11:19awareness, we have our subconscious, and
11:22then there is this weird collective
11:26unconscious
11:28which connects us
11:30all, okay? Like there is some
11:32fundamental thing which is deep. And
11:36this thing is more primordial. It's not
11:38like So, at the surface level of your
11:40conscious thoughts, thoughts are very
11:41crystallized. They're formed. Even at
11:44the subconscious level, there are
11:46personality constructs, things like
11:49borderline personality disorder. You can
11:51like it's like a crystallized thing. Do
11:53you all get that? There's like there's
11:55trauma, and then if trauma coalesces in
11:58the right way, you will have BPD. If it
12:00coalesces in a different way, you will
12:02have narcissistic personality disorder.
12:04And then at the surface level of BPD, we
12:07will have even like more crystallized
12:09thoughts. This person is going to
12:10abandon me no matter what. Okay? So,
12:13there's the super crystallized, directly
12:16observable level of consciousness, which
12:19is thoughts. Then there is a less
12:21crystallized, but still crystallized,
12:24personality architecture, which is not
12:26directly observable. So, if you look at
12:28five-factor model like you can't study
12:30your thoughts for 5 seconds, 10 seconds,
12:3310 minutes, and know what your
12:35five-factor personality is. You can't do
12:37that. But if you do a deeper
12:39exploration, you can get it out. Does
12:41that make sense? And then even deeper
12:44than that, which is less crystallized,
12:46but more primordial, are these
12:49archetypes. These are like general
12:51things that exist in the subconscious
12:54that we all share. So, the the puer
12:57archetype is like the child within us,
12:59the part of us that gets excited, okay?
13:02And when it gets excited, it like longs
13:04for things, but the child within us also
13:06doesn't like hard work. So, when when
13:09the puer attribute, which is deep, and
13:13we are all connected by it, right? And
13:15like if you guys want to know what we
13:17are all connected by it looks like, it
13:20looks like this. This is what it looks
13:22like. This is the archetype.
13:25Do Do all get this?
13:29Like, we are connected.
13:32We all feel it.
13:34We're like, this is me. It's a lecture.
13:37It's not about you. Do you all get that?
13:40This is a guy on the internet speaking.
13:44That's not you. That can't be you. It's
13:47words transmitted
13:50across fiber optic cables to pixels on a
13:53screen. This cannot technically be you,
13:57but it is. If you look at HealthyGamer,
14:00what is HealthyGamer?
14:02It's a It's a movement, right? This is
14:04why there's all this cult energy.
14:06Because we're not connected
14:09just through words. We're connected like
14:12on a deeper level. Do you all get that?
14:15Like,
14:16I know you.
14:18People will walk up to me and they'll
14:19say, "Dr. K, you have changed my life."
14:22How is that possible? I've never [ __ ]
14:25met you. Think about it for a second,
14:27right? But, there is like a connection
14:31which we feel. We are transformed.
14:34People will come to me and they'll be,
14:35"You changed my life. I've transformed
14:37you." Wow, that's pretty cool, right?
14:40So, this is the key thing about puer.
14:42You cannot do anything. You must be
14:44transformed. That's the only way it
14:46works. This psychology within you must
14:50shift. And if it shifts, all of these
14:53lack of follow-through things will start
14:57to constellate and you will start to
14:59live a life, a full life, a complete
15:02life. The reason I know that is because
15:05I was a puer that was not constellated.
15:08Now, I am a puer that is constellated.
15:11Okay? So, like, let's be factual for a
15:13second. 2.5 GPA, graduated in five and a
15:15half semesters, no money, rejected from
15:18medical school. I'm 26 years old. I got
15:20[ __ ] I haven't done anything. I have
15:22all these great ideas. Today, married,
15:24influencer, author, doctor, Harvard,
15:27entrepreneur, what the [ __ ] Gamer,
15:30degenerate, like what the [ __ ] How is
15:32this change possible? The change is
15:34possible because the puer within me
15:37transformed into the healthy version.
15:39And then suddenly all of my creative
15:42impulses started manifesting in the
15:44world, right? So like I started [ __ ]
15:47doing [ __ ] when I got excited. And so
15:49I'll give you all like a literal
15:50example. I've been at VidCon in in LA
15:52doing podcasts and stuff like that for
15:54the last week. I flew in on Wednesday.
15:56On Thursday morning, about 27 hours ago,
16:00I got on a call with our content
16:01director. Content director says, "Hey
16:03Dr. K, we're behind on videos. We need
16:05you to fill some shit." And I was like,
16:06"Content director, bro, I want to do a
16:08stream on puer aeternus tomorrow." And
16:10he's like, "Well, we have to do all this
16:11other shit." And I was like, "I want to
16:13do it tomorrow." There's a lot of stuff
16:15that the world demands of me. I feel
16:18inspired to do something. And so what I
16:20did is grind the [ __ ] yesterday, grind
16:22the [ __ ] this morning, I'm going to
16:23grind the [ __ ] tomorrow, I'm going to
16:25grind the [ __ ] on Sunday, I'm going to
16:27grind the [ __ ] on Monday, Tuesday,
16:28Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I have
16:30a ton of work ahead of me. That is the
16:32price I have to pay in order to do what
16:36I want, to have my dreams become a
16:38reality. Do you all understand that? I'm
16:40not trying to like do this to flex. I'm
16:41just telling you all that if you want to
16:44be a constellated puer, you have to pay
16:46a price. Now people will ask me in these
16:49like interviews and [ __ ] right? "Dr. K,
16:51what's your secret to success? What do
16:52you think everyone should do?"
16:55And what I tell them is like the one
16:56thing that really shocked me about
16:57becoming successful is how many good
17:01things I had to walk away from. So I
17:04worked really hard not to do this, but
17:07wound up as faculty at Harvard Medical
17:09School. It is a coveted thing, and I
17:11left
17:13to do this. I was well on my way,
17:16grinding really hard to achieve some
17:18sort of spiritual progress.
17:21Walked away. And if you guys go back and
17:23y'all have listened to my circle jerk
17:24answers, y'all will have heard me say
17:26this that like life is a series of
17:28walking away from really good things.
17:30That is how you live fully. I didn't
17:32realize that that this is what I was
17:34doing at the time, right? But it's If
17:36you want to live life fully, you need to
17:39reduce your potential. Then like
17:41something weird happens where like the
17:43more doors you close, the more you get
17:46everything behind them. And it's like
17:48weird, but that's like that's true.
17:52Okay?
17:53Like and I'm not saying this to like
17:55flex or I honestly I'm I'm just telling
17:56y'all this works. And we know like
17:59there's the other reason we know it
18:00works is because when we don't do this,
18:02it doesn't work. Because what happens is
18:05we don't want to close any doors. We
18:06don't want to close off any potential.
18:08And since we don't want to close any
18:09doors and since we don't want to close
18:11off any potential, we end up like
18:13spinning in the waiting room of life.
18:15And then doors close on us anyway. And
18:17as doors start to close, as
18:19opportunities start to close, because we
18:21never took the plunge, right? So
18:23potential starts to close, and then we
18:25feel more panicked, and then it becomes
18:27really important to make the right
18:29decision. Because now like oh my god, I
18:31lost this opportunity, lost this
18:32opportunity, lost this I have three
18:33left, which one do I pick? Which one do
18:35I pick? Which one do I pick? And so if
18:37you're an unconstellated puer, your life
18:40is a series of getting
18:42bumped around by ping pong balls. Uh not
18:45ping pong balls. Uh pinball machine.
18:47Imagine you're a pinball machine. You
18:48become a pinball in a pinball machine.
18:50And you're just getting smacked around.
18:52Like you're like, if this thing happens,
18:54if this bumper like if I hit this button
18:56then like and you just have two buttons
18:57at the bottom of your pinball. That's
18:59all you know how to control. And it's
19:00like if I can if I can get hit a if
19:02everything lines up right, I can hit the
19:03button at the right time. It's the one
19:04thing I can do well. Then I can like get
19:06some energy, and I can control where I
19:08want to go. But there's this like thing
19:09in the middle that's like 10,000 points.
19:12And as try as you might to hit your two
19:13buttons cuz that's what you've got,
19:14right? You've got like porn and you've
19:16got video games and you're like, "Ah!"
19:18It's so hard and you know it's possible
19:20if everything lines up right and you use
19:24your two buttons, then you can get to
19:26the 10,000 points in the middle and you
19:27can win. But you don't want to work the
19:29hard way. You just keep on using these
19:31two buttons. Okay?
19:33So what we're talking about is an
19:35archetype. And an archetype that has to
19:37come out in a healthy way. And when the
19:40archetype comes out in a healthy way,
19:43you will be transformed. Then the
19:45actions will flow. Then you will be able
19:47to do it. So let's talk a little bit
19:49about how to do that.
19:51Okay? So one of our students has evolved
19:54the idea that there is something like a
19:55defective self. That in certain people
19:57whose fate is very unfortunate, the
20:00symbol of the self appears defective.
20:02Which would mean that such people have
20:04no chance in life because the nucleus of
20:07their psyche is incomplete and
20:08defective. So the whole process of
20:11individuation cannot develop from this
20:13kernel. Y'all have seen this, right?
20:15This is like I am screwed, there's
20:17nothing I can do. I'm fundamentally
20:19broken. Exists within our community.
20:21People have this attitude. I do not
20:23agree with this idea because I have
20:24never seen such symbols of a defective
20:26self without an accompanying defective
20:29attitude of the ego. That means that
20:32wherever you find such a defective self
20:33symbol where it is ambiguous and
20:35incomplete and morbid, there is always
20:38at the same time an incomplete and
20:39morbid attitude of the ego. And
20:42therefore it cannot be scientifically
20:44asserted that the cause of the whole
20:45thing lies in a defective self. So
20:48here's what that kind of means. People
20:50are like, "Okay, like I'm a puer. How do
20:51I fix that?" You don't fix it. A lot of
20:53people believe that they're
20:54fundamentally broken in life and there's
20:57nothing that can be done to fix it cuz
20:58they've tried. But it's not that you are
21:00fundamentally broken, it is that the way
21:02that you relate, the The of you that
21:05shepherds and controls all of these
21:08archetypal energies like puer,
21:10that is the thing that is busted.
21:12There's nothing wrong with puer. Puer is
21:14great. It is puer that is
21:17inappropriately
21:19managed that takes this beautiful force
21:22that then becomes destructive. Okay? So,
21:25this is a great analogy. That This is
21:27where the lecture becomes like hard, and
21:29it's only going to get harder. Okay? So,
21:31try to follow. And if you don't follow,
21:33watch it again, and I'll try my best.
21:36But on the other hand, it can just as
21:37well be said that if one eats all the
21:39wrong things or does not eat or eats
21:41irregularly, then it is not the stomach
21:43which is at fault. This the defective
21:45self always go goes with an ego which
21:48does not function properly either. If
21:50the ego is lazy, inflated, not
21:52conscientious, does not perform the
21:54duties of the ego complex, then it is
21:56clear that the self cannot appear
21:58positively either. The What this kind of
22:00means is like this is talking to this
22:01this core conflict of like So, if I eat
22:04all the wrong things and eat at
22:05irregular times, and then I say, "My
22:08stomach is bad." Right? My stomach is
22:10like a trash stomach. Is it the stomach
22:12that's at fault, or is it the irregular
22:15eating and the irregular diet that's at
22:17fault? The same analogy can be applied
22:19to puer. So, some of us believe we are
22:21fundamentally broken, but are we
22:23fundamentally broken or are we not
22:27fundamentally broken, but the way we are
22:29channeling or accessing that energy,
22:31that is flawed? Okay? So, let's kind of
22:33drive that point home a little bit. If
22:35the man were here today who would
22:36certainly object and say, "No, it is the
22:38other way around. The ego cannot
22:40function because the self is defected.
22:43I'm fundamentally broken. I'm not making
22:45the wrong choices. It's not that I'm
22:47choosing to eat the wrong things. Like
22:49my stomach is effed." Really, bro? Then
22:52we are confronted with the age-old
22:54philosophical problem of free will. Can
22:56I want the right thing? That is the
22:58problem which the puer aeternus will
23:00generally put to you. He will say that
23:01he knows that everything goes wrong
23:03because he is lazy, but that he cannot
23:06want to be lazy. I don't choose
23:08laziness, right? Laziness is a feature
23:10of me. Everything in my life is going
23:11wrong because I'm lazy, but that's not
23:13something that I choose. It's the way
23:14that I am. And all of those other people
23:17out there aren't lazy, that's why
23:18they're successful. That perhaps that is
23:21his neurosis, that he is unable to fight
23:24his laziness, and therefore it is
23:26useless to treat him as a rascal for
23:28whom everything would go right if he
23:30were not so lazy. Okay?
23:33So, this is a little language a little
23:34bit weird, but it's like this core
23:35problem of like other people are good,
23:38but I'm fundamentally lazy, that's why I
23:41can't do anything in life.
23:43This is the core problem of puer. So,
23:45let's talk a little bit more technically
23:47now. So, we have all these archetypes
23:49within us. These are like you can think
23:50about them as like impulses, drives,
23:53fundamental drives like the father, the
23:55mother, the caretaker, the protector,
23:57the trickster, the wise old person
24:00within us, the child. All of these are
24:02archetypes. And we have this thing
24:04called the ego, which in in the Jungian
24:06sense and Freudian sense, psychoanalytic
24:08sense, also translates over to the
24:10Eastern sense pretty well. If your mind
24:12is not able to harness and channel that
24:16creative drive, it becomes a problem.
24:19So, let's talk about for a second how to
24:20fix it. Okay? So, this thing is within
24:22us. But Jung says that there's no
24:24sickness in the collective unconscious,
24:25and so as the self is an archetype, it
24:28does not seem to me that there can be
24:29anything defective. So, there's nothing
24:31wrong with puer. I think it that if it
24:33appears defective, it is because of the
24:35wrong ego attitude. Objectively, in
24:38itself, it cannot be defective, which is
24:40why I cannot accept the idea of the
24:41defective self. If the ego is able to
24:44change, something else changes. If the
24:46ego attitude changes, then the symbols
24:48of the self become more positive. That
24:50is something we can experience again and
24:52again. If the person can achieve a
24:54certain amount of insight, then the
24:56whole unconscious constellation changes.
24:59So, this is what makes this hard.
25:01Succeeding with puer is not about doing
25:05anything. It is about changing our
25:08relationship
25:10with ourself. It is an internal change,
25:14and it happens at a deep level, at the
25:16level where the archetype meets the
25:18unconscious, or maybe where the
25:20archetype meets the conscious. This is
25:22why you can't do it. This is why, as
25:25we'll see, the puer archetype if until
25:28you change this constellation, it will
25:30keep hijacking
25:33what you do. All of your attempts for
25:35improvement will not work. There is a
25:37fundamental stuckness that if you
25:40transform it, then suddenly all of this
25:42creative energy flows forward in a
25:44positive way. So, now the question
25:46becomes, how do we do that? So, what I'm
25:48going to do now is go through a series
25:52of characterizations. So, the best
25:54strategy that I've got is to show you
25:57all basically like how it works. So, I'm
26:00going to show you the way that the puer
26:02archetype functions in your mind. And if
26:05you all want to conquer this thing, what
26:06you have to do is notice all of these
26:09drives, cuz it's really tricky. Okay?
26:11So, like imagine you're playing Street
26:13Fighter 6 or Tekken or whatever. There's
26:15a character called puer, and you're
26:17fighting against this character. I'm
26:19going to show you all the move set that
26:21this character uses. It has this kind of
26:23throw, this kind of jump kick. It can
26:25counterattack in this way, but I can't
26:27fight it. You have to step into the
26:29ring, and if I show you what's coming,
26:32there's a chance that you will like be
26:34prepared, but then you have to hit the
26:36buttons. There is no way to get out of
26:38this without hitting the buttons. I
26:39can't do it for you, and nothing that I
26:41tell you will work. It must be a
26:45struggle of your own ego complex with
26:48this destructive puer archetype, okay?
26:51So,
26:52the first thing that we're going to talk
26:53about is the gesture of impa-
26:55impatience. So, then something
26:56absolutely classic happens, namely the
26:58gesture of impatience. That is typical
27:01for puer aeternus. When he has to take
27:03something seriously, either in the inner
27:05or outer world, he makes a few poor
27:08attempts and then impatiently gives up.
27:11My experience that it it it it does not
27:13matter if you analyze a man of this
27:15type, whether you force him to take the
27:17outer or inner world seriously. That is
27:20really unimportant, though perhaps it
27:21depends on the type. The important thing
27:23is that he should stick something out.
27:25That is why such people tell you
27:27suddenly that they have another plan,
27:29that this is not what they were looking
27:30for. They always they and they always do
27:33it at the moment where things become
27:35difficult. It is the everlasting
27:37switching, which is the dangerous thing,
27:40not what they do. So, here's the problem
27:43of puer. Y'all are looking for the right
27:46answer. There is no right answer. Anyone
27:49who tells you this is the right answer,
27:51myself included, will not work. The
27:53problem is not in the answer, it is in
27:56the way that you relate to the idea that
28:00there is an answer. As long as you
28:03believe that, you're [ __ ] Because
28:05then what will happen is the changing
28:07from one answer to the other. It doesn't
28:09matter which one you pick. Just don't
28:13change. That is the real answer. Right?
28:15So, when I want to do this lecture of
28:17puer aeternus, I don't get to can the
28:21other stuff that I have to do. I don't
28:23get to switch. I lop things off. Stick
28:27with something. Make a sacrifice. That
28:29is what you need to do. And then, if
28:32you're not careful, the puer will be
28:33like, "How do I know which sacrifice to
28:35make?" It doesn't matter. What you need
28:37to learn is the ability to make a
28:39sacrifice. Okay? So, second thing is
28:41that this idea that you are defective.
28:44You're not defective. So, if you're
28:45fundamentally defective, there's nothing
28:47you can do. The way that you relate to
28:49your undefective self is what makes you
28:51defective. You take your perfect self
28:54and you transmute it into something that
28:57is fundamentally broken. Because as long
28:59as it's fundamentally broken, then
29:01you've got an excuse. Then you don't
29:03have to do the hard work. The key thing
29:05about puer when it is in its destructive
29:07form is that it avoids hard work at all
29:10costs. So, what you'll notice is there's
29:12this twisting and turning. Just don't
29:14want to work hard. I just don't want to
29:15do something bad. And this is the real
29:17tragedy of it is that you don't want to
29:19be bored, you don't want to do something
29:20bad, you don't want to stick something
29:22out. And in avoiding all of that stuff,
29:25you end up with like a dead-end job. Or
29:28you end up with a career that pays your
29:30bills, but isn't fulfilling. You don't
29:32ever take the plunge. You don't ever
29:34take a chance. You sort of like live in
29:36this limbo state where you're getting
29:38your needs met. When your distress
29:40becomes so high, you're moved to a
29:42temporary form of inaction. So, it's
29:44kind of like you're this volcano that's
29:46rumbling beneath the surface. And when
29:47some critical point happens, you'll
29:49erupt. You'll erupt even every day by
29:51slogging your ass to work, doing
29:53whatever dead-end [ __ ] you need to do
29:54that is spiritually bereft. And then you
29:56come home and then you're like, "I can't
29:58do anything and I'm tired and I'm
29:59exhausted." And you never like you never
30:01like quit, right? You never like take
30:03the plunge.
30:04You never leave your job and start your
30:06company. You don't leave your boyfriend
30:08or girlfriend because things are
30:09comfortable and then you have to find
30:11how are you going to pay rent? You can't
30:12afford rent, so you might as well stay
30:13with this person even though the
30:14relationship feels dead inside. And for
30:16those of you whose puer is hyperactive,
30:18we'll say, "Is Dr. K just saying I
30:20should [ __ ] quit my job and break up
30:22with my girlfriend? He doesn't
30:23understand what my life is like." That's
30:25not what I'm saying. If you do anything
30:27that I tell you to do in today's
30:28lecture, it's not going to work. It's
30:30never going to work, right? And notice
30:31what happens when your mind says that.
30:34Notice what happens. I'm telling you to
30:36take the plunge, ain't going to do it.
30:38The way that you're not going to do it
30:39is by criticizing me. This guy doesn't
30:41understand my life. Oh, [ __ ] A, Puer
30:43is thrilled. Oh, [ __ ] That was a close
30:46one. There's this guy on the internet
30:48that seems really smart that I've been
30:50following for years. Oh, man. I really
30:53thought he was great, but the moment he
30:54told me to take the plunge, [ __ ] man.
30:57That was close. I almost listened to him
30:59and did the hard work. People are saying
31:01I'm lost and people are saying, "Caught
31:03me?" Yes. That's what's hard about this.
31:05This lecture is going to leave half of
31:07y'all behind, and I'm sorry. This is the
31:09best that I can do. And because I didn't
31:11give in to my internal Puer, I said,
31:14"I'm going to do a shitty job at an
31:16important lecture instead of waiting to
31:18be able to do it right and perfectly."
31:20And it's going to leave half of y'all
31:21behind, which is fine. Sorry. And it's
31:23not because y'all are dumb, it's because
31:26I I hope y'all can tell this is not my
31:29best, right? I'm piecing things
31:31together. I'm making mistakes in the
31:33lecture. This is like hard for me, okay?
31:37Y'all get that? Like and it's fine. It's
31:38just like that's why y'all don't get it.
31:40It's not because
31:42you're dumb, it's because this is the
31:44first time I've tried to tie together so
31:45many things, and it's going to get
31:46harder. Like we're just getting started,
31:48okay? So, there is no defective self.
31:51Next move. Now, we're going to get into
31:53Phraos, okay? The greatest difficulty we
31:55drag along with us from our childhood is
31:57the sack of illusions which we carry on
32:00our backs into adult life. The subtle
32:02problem consists in giving up certain
32:04illusions with without becoming cynical.
32:07Just poor children who have grown up in
32:09the slums and had a terrible family and
32:11fate or very rich children who had all
32:13the same miseries except lack of money,
32:16divorced parents, a bad atmosphere at
32:17home, and so on. That is where the
32:19feeling atmosphere has been neglected,
32:21which is so important for children. Such
32:24people grow often grow up quicker than
32:26others because at a very early stage
32:29they become very realistic,
32:31disillusioned, and self-contained, and
32:34independent. If you analyze such people,
32:36you find that they have not worked out
32:38the problem of childish illusion
32:40illusions, but have just cut it off,
32:43having simply assured themselves that
32:44their lack of their desire for love and
32:47their ideal simply hammer them like a
32:49sack of stones carried on their back, so
32:51they must all be done away with. So,
32:54here's another key thing.
32:56You can be rich, you can be broke, okay?
33:00Doesn't matter. So, what a lot of people
33:01have is they have this sack of childish
33:05illusions. When we grow up, we have this
33:08idea of what the world is. Why are you
33:11unsatisfied with your life? Because you
33:14have an idea that there's something
33:15better out there. You see all these
33:17influencers or you see all these people
33:19like tech bros or whatever the [ __ ]
33:21doesn't matter. Like I I don't care.
33:22Like whatever it is, right? Where did
33:24you get This is the problem. Where did
33:27you get the idea that life is better or
33:31could be better than what you were
33:32experiencing? This is the childish sack
33:36of illusions that we carry with us. As
33:38we go through life, we constantly think,
33:40oh, like I'm unlucky, this could be
33:41better, this person is doing better,
33:42this person is doing better. So, this is
33:44what's so tricky about it is like we
33:46carry this idea that something could be
33:48better, but it is this idea that
33:50something could be better, which is
33:53based on a childlike fantastical
33:55impression,
33:57[snorts]
33:57which prevents us from seeing what the
33:59world really is. So, you can get all of
34:02the things that your childlike illusion
34:04wants, the path to them just involves a
34:07lot of hard work and a lot of
34:09uncertainty, a lot of closing off of
34:12potential, a lot of sacrifice. You can
34:14get it all, it's just not in the way
34:16that you want. And they hold on to this
34:19idea. And so, in your mind, what this
34:21will look like is like I had a client
34:23once who felt really smart, had a degree
34:27from a prestigious institution, and
34:29wanted to join companies,
34:31didn't had didn't have a great work
34:32history. At 33, he wanted to join
34:35companies at the executive C-suite
34:36level. He's like, "I'm badass. I'm
34:38amazing. I'm not going to work through
34:40some entry-level [ __ ] I'm going to go
34:42straight to the top because that's where
34:43I deserve to be. Doesn't want to slog."
34:45And it's the fact that they didn't want
34:46to slog that ended them up with a
34:48prestigious degree from Harvard Business
34:50School, 33 with a [ __ ] work history.
34:53Didn't want to slog. I want to jump
34:55straight to the top. Because you have
34:56this idea, you have this childish
34:58illusion that you can jump straight to
35:00the top. It's entitlement. That's a good
35:02word. Now, here's the the problem. So,
35:05if you analyze such people, you find
35:06that they have not worked out the
35:08problem they've not worked out the
35:09problem of childish illusions, but have
35:11just cut it off, having assured
35:13themselves that their desire for love
35:15and their ideals simply hammer them like
35:17a sack of stones carried on their back,
35:18so they all must be done away with. This
35:21we see in our community as well. So,
35:23there is a response to this, okay? So,
35:25step one is childish illusions. This is
35:27what I want to do. This is the way the
35:29world should be. I enter the world, the
35:31world doesn't look like that, so I give
35:32up. I'm impatient, all that kind of
35:34stuff. Maybe I think I'm fundamentally
35:36broken. Do you all see how like the path
35:37of puer is like climbing a mountain on a
35:40tightrope, climbing to the top of a
35:41mountain, walking on a tightrope to the
35:43top of a mountain with a dozen different
35:45ways to fall off. So, we've talked about
35:47two of the problems. Here's another one.
35:49So, one way that people respond, if you
35:51have all these childish illusions about
35:53the way the world should be, it should
35:54be good, and I deserve this, and I'm
35:56entitled to this, and like all that kind
35:57of stuff, right? I'm not making a moral
36:00Don't get caught up. This is another
36:02thing. Don't get caught up in whether
36:03that's true or not true or whatever the
36:04[ __ ] I don't care. I'm just using those
36:06as examples. This is what I'm talking
36:08about right now. If you want to ask me
36:09what I think the world should be like,
36:10that's a separate conversation. So, then
36:12what happens is you realize, okay, the
36:14things that I want, what I want is not
36:16possible. You realize that your
36:18illusions are false. And then the puer
36:20does something really dangerous. They
36:22amputate them. They don't work through
36:24them. They're just like, "No. I don't
36:26want this. I become anti-work, I become
36:28anti-capitalism, even though I want
36:30money. I lop it off. I'm an incel. An
36:34amputation of a part of you that wants
36:37something. This is your inner child.
36:39This is the part of you that has joy and
36:43awe and inspiration and excitement when
36:46you look at the world. But, it gets
36:48transmuted into this illusory form. The
36:51drive is real. The archetype is real.
36:54You know that there's truth to it. Like
36:57y'all know that. You know you can be
36:59great. But, something along the way
37:01happens where the primordial unconscious
37:04is it filters through your personality
37:05structure, is it filters through your
37:07cognitive structure, turns out in a
37:10weird way, in a non-healthy way, in a in
37:13a unconstellated or unformed way. And
37:16then things don't work. And what is easy
37:18to do when I've got like a really,
37:21really good start, and then I put it
37:23through whatever, the strainer, and I
37:27end up with something that is [ __ ] the
37:29strongest and easiest defensive reaction
37:31is to just chop the whole thing down, to
37:34give up. Not work through it, not find a
37:37way to work, to give up. Amputate your
37:40desire. And if y'all are puer, y'all
37:42have done this probably. You've taken
37:44something that you're really excited
37:45about, you've become cynical about it,
37:47and you've said this is never possible.
37:50This is [ __ ] This is not possible. I
37:52therefore, I don't want it anymore. You
37:54get rid of your want, and you lose a
37:56piece of yourself in the process. People
37:58are asking what's the alternative.
38:01[laughter]
38:03I'll [snorts] show you, but it ain't
38:05pretty. Actually, I'm going to try to
38:07show you, I should say. Next pattern.
38:09Hoho. [laughter]
38:11This You guys Look, now we're going to
38:13talk about finishing moves. Y'all ready?
38:15Finish him. However, all that he
38:18praises, he does not stand by, for he
38:20assimilates the whole thing
38:22intellectually and takes it back to his
38:25imaginary world. It is a trick which
38:27many puer aeterni form. The realization
38:30that they should adapt to reality is an
38:33intellectual idea to them, which they
38:36fulfill in fantasy but not in reality.
38:39The idea is executed only in reflection
38:43and on a philosophical level, but not on
38:46the level of action. It looks as though
38:48they have quite understood, as if they
38:51have the right attitude, as if they know
38:53what is important and right, but they
38:56don't do it. This whole thing, all of
39:00the answers that we're sharing with you,
39:02will be colonized by the puer, and
39:05you'll turn it into a philosophical
39:07thing, right? You'll spend time on the
39:10internet arguing about right and wrong
39:14instead of serving the homeless in a
39:17soup kitchen. You will spend time
39:19posting things on the internet, looking
39:22for answers. Grow up for what? This is
39:25beautiful. For what? Right? So, like
39:27this is staggering. I was glued. But why
39:30should I do it? Y'all get this? I'm not
39:32trying to like [ __ ] on this person, by
39:34the way. We'll We'll get to community in
39:35a second. But this person like you'll
39:37you'll see the puer. The puer is like,
39:39"It It hit me. But why? Why should I do
39:43it?" So, this philosophical weird
39:44[ __ ] thing is like, "If it's lands
39:46and if you know it's true," the puer
39:48rises up within you. It's like, "No, I
39:50will not lose to this. I'm going to
39:52counter combo. I'm going to turn it into
39:54philosophy. I'm going to reflect. Why
39:57should I do this? Give me a reason. Give
39:58me an existential reason. I'm not going
40:01to [ __ ] me. Don't tell me to fill out
40:03resumes. Give me an existential reason
40:06for why I should."
40:08Even though it hits. So, the puer
40:10complex will intellectually claim
40:13whatever insight you do have. As
40:15transformation starts to happen, it'll
40:17be like, "No. I'm It does this really
40:20tricky reverse combo thing." And if
40:23y'all like pay attention to these posts,
40:24y'all will see these patterns. You'll
40:26see puer visible, right? I was
40:29staggered. I was glued. Never in my 40
40:31years have I felt so understood. Why not
40:34live in fantasy? Why bother being in a
40:36relationship if it's just meh? How is
40:38that better than staying alone? There it
40:40is. Holy [ __ ] this is wild.
40:43Marie-Louise von Franz in like 1905 or
40:46whatever the [ __ ] when this was written.
40:48On page 43 of her text, I'm not reading
40:51you, she's reading you. She called it.
40:55And look at this, 138.
40:57Look at that. This ain't a small number
40:59of upvotes for our our subreddit. I'm
41:01not trying to call this person out to
41:02say that they're bad. You guys get that?
41:04This is the pattern, okay? Next thing.
41:07That I think is one of the trickiest
41:08problems in the specific neurotic
41:10constellation that the puer aeternus
41:12tends to grasp at everything, which
41:14would be the right thing to do, and then
41:16to draw it back into his fantasy theory
41:20world. He cannot cross this very simple
41:22border from fantasy to action. It is
41:25also the dangerous curve in the analysis
41:27of such people, for unless the analyst
41:30constantly watches this problem like an
41:32alert fox, the analysis will progress
41:35marvelously. The puer aeternus will
41:37understand everything, will integrate
41:40the shadow and the devil's watchdog
41:42behind it. It is all a sham. The whole
41:45integration takes place up in the sky
41:48and not on Earth, not in reality. So,
41:51that it comes down to having to play the
41:53governess and ask what time he gets up
41:55in the morning, how many hours have been
41:56worked in the day, and so on. It is a
41:58very deep tedious job, but that is what
42:01it boils down to because otherwise the
42:02fantastic self-deception occurs, which
42:05can very easily catch the analyst. So,
42:07this is like even if is the analyst, if
42:10you're in an analytical relationship
42:12with a puer, they will eat what you're
42:14serving with a big-ass spoon. They'll be
42:17like, "Oh man, this is so great. I feel
42:19so seen. I feel so heard. I feel so
42:21rocked. I feel so whatever. I feel
42:24heard. Dr. K is great. I made a
42:25breakthrough. Everything's awesome.
42:27Like, 'Oh my god, this is amazing. I
42:29can't wait for part two, but I'm not
42:32doing anything. I'm never doing
42:33anything. I can't wait for part two.
42:36Part two is going to be great. I'll do
42:37something after part two.' So, they can
42:39even do all of the work. But, y'all
42:42y'all have been saying I've been
42:43catching you from day Not day one, but
42:45you know, I've been catching y'all a
42:46lot, and that's why, because if I don't
42:47catch you, it'll slip past. Then, you
42:50have to start catching yourself. Once
42:52you start catching yourself, the
42:53transformation has the space to happen.
42:56Okay? All right, we got one more.
43:00So, we also have a very mature
43:01community, right? The puer aeternus very
43:03often has this mature detached attitude
43:05toward life, which is normal for old
43:07people, but but which he acquires
43:09prematurely. The idea that life is not
43:12everything, that the other side is
43:13valid, too, and that life is part of the
43:15whole existence. I have met many people
43:18with a similar difficulty constellation
43:20who do that. They live only on
43:22condition, which means that they
43:24secretly that secretly they constantly
43:26flirt with the idea of suicide. At every
43:29[snorts] step of their lives, they think
43:30that they will try something or other,
43:33and that if it does not work, they will
43:34kill themselves. The puer aeternus
43:36always keeps his revolver in his pocket
43:39and constantly plays with the idea of
43:41getting out of life if things get too
43:43hard. The disadvantage of this is that
43:45he is never quite committed to the
43:48situation as a whole human being. There
43:51is a constant Jesuitical mental
43:53reservation. I will go into this, but if
43:56I I but I reserve my right as a human
43:58being to kill myself if I can't stand it
44:00anymore. I shall go through the whole
44:02experience to the bitter end. If it
44:04becomes too unsufferable, for if it
44:06does, I shall walk out of it. And
44:08therefore, the person does not become
44:10whole. If one cuts off the wholeness of
44:12the experience, one cuts oneself into
44:14bits and remains split because of
44:16transformation. Oh, because
44:18transformation can only take place if
44:20one gives oneself completely to the
44:22situation. So, this is what I've seen
44:23like so I've worked with a lot of gifted
44:25kids, worked with a lot of degenerate
44:26gamers, worked with all these like kind
44:28of people, like all these puers. And
44:30suicide is the ultimate escape escape
44:33hatch. If things get too hard, I can
44:35always peace out. So, I had a patient
44:37once who kept a noose in their basement.
44:39And the thing was they didn't want to
44:40die. They wanted to live. But, the noose
44:43was a source of comfort. It was a source
44:45of safety. That if if I do want to if
44:48this gets too hard for me, I've got an
44:50out. It is the suicide is the ultimate
44:53and not just suicide itself, the
44:55capacity for suicide. You are telling
44:58the world, I have one final trump card
45:01that will allow me to escape any
45:04commitment. The world can demand
45:06whatever commitments it wants of me. I
45:08don't have to fully commit to them. So,
45:10we see suicidality. Not necessarily
45:13suicide, but the And this is like kind
45:16of how we know, like if suicide for you
45:19is like the ultimate relief, right? It's
45:21not like escaping the pain right now,
45:23which is oftentimes what it is when it's
45:25acute. And if y'all are feeling that, in
45:26both cases, you should see a mental
45:28health professional. In the case of
45:29acute suicidality, y'all should really
45:30seek emergency services. I I mean that.
45:33But, suicidality for the puer looks a
45:35little bit different. It's like your
45:37parachute if things get too hard. It's
45:39your ultimate escape. And this is the
45:42whole problem of puer is that if you
45:44leave yourself an escape hatch, if you
45:46are never willing to commit, if you
45:48never take the plunge, then you will
45:50never live life. You'll live, as Bane
45:52said, a provisional life, a half-life
45:56three.
45:58Y'all get me? Okay. Now, comes the hard
46:01part. These are the patterns of puer.
46:03So, what do we do about it? Anyone else
46:06pissed at Dr. K's socioeconomic views?
46:09This post was sparked by the most recent
46:11HG YouTube video why you feel so
46:13drained, yet my resentment towards the
46:14issue has been building up for a while
46:16now. To start off, I'm a 4-plus year HG
46:19fan and I love Dr. K's work. While my
46:22tone may be sharp, nothing in this post
46:23is intended to be intended as a personal
46:26attack or a devaluation of HG's massive
46:29country contribution to the mental
46:30health space. In HG's most recent video,
46:32Dr. K roasts a 20-something girl on
46:34TikTok for not being able to hack it on
46:36a 24K salary and 1660 monthly rent. The
46:40premise is that the younger generations
46:41were spoiled by the boomer economy and
46:43that life was not meant to be easy and
46:44effortless as we were led to believe.
46:46The solution is basically to have your
46:48blood work done to rule out somatic
46:50issues, your use your cell phone less,
46:52and then do a little bit more work every
46:54day, whether you feel like it or not.
46:55Kaizen, baby, let's go. Dr. K then pads
46:59this tough love with some anecdote of
47:01his Indian grandmother running out of
47:02flour, blah blah blah. How dare he
47:04complain about 40-hour work weeks and
47:05having to do chores on the weekend in
47:07Europe and America. What Dr. K fails to
47:09disclose is the fact that he himself
47:11grew up in enormous socioeconomic
47:13privilege and never had to personally
47:14face any real hardship regarding money
47:17and survival. As such, his tough love
47:19comes across as acrimonious and
47:20uncompassionate. Okay, so this person
47:23goes on to say, you know, all the
47:25privilege that I had. Okay? Could she be
47:27more optimized? For sure. However, some
47:29of us aren't running from laziness,
47:30we're running on fumes. And before you
47:32preach hard work and hustle from a tower
47:34of generational wealth, try asking what
47:36it feels like to build a life with no
47:38net, no map, and no rest. Okay? Dr. K's
47:41advice comes across as tone deaf. And
47:43look at this, 368. This is huge. A lot
47:45of people resonate with this. So, I want
47:47y'all to pay attention to what's
47:48happening here. Okay, I'm not saying
47:50this person is right or wrong. Now, what
47:51we're going to do is read this. Through
47:53the transference, they begin to hope
47:56that perhaps they might trust or love
47:58again. I got to pause for a second. We
47:59got to talk about transference. So, in
48:02psychotherapy, there's this concept of
48:04transference. And what happens when
48:06you're sitting with your therapist is
48:08that your therapist is supposed to stay
48:09neutral. And the reason they stay
48:11neutral is if they stay neutral, they
48:14kind of create a vacuum, right? So,
48:15normally when two human beings interact
48:17with each other, you're responding to my
48:19signals and I'm responding to your
48:21signals. You're an idiot. No, you're an
48:23idiot. You're stupider. No, you're
48:25stupider. Now, if one person is neutral,
48:28what comes out of the other person,
48:30right? So, if I if I'm like hitting the
48:32tennis ball across the net, you're
48:34hitting it back. And you're responding
48:36to what I'm giving. The responses go
48:37back and forth, back and forth, back and
48:39forth. So, these analysts, Freudian,
48:42Jungian, whatever, discover there's this
48:43really cool thing that happens, which is
48:45that if you're neutral, the person
48:48starts projecting onto you. So, if you
48:50give them nothing, something from them
48:53will come out and will be placed upon
48:55you. Right? So, if there's like
48:56neutrality, it's kind of like nature
48:58abhors a vacuum. If you just if you as a
49:00human being sit with another human being
49:02and you are a vacuum, you'll pull stuff
49:04out of them. So, this is what happens
49:06with transference. This is why we use
49:08it. And that's where the real money is.
49:10The stuff that really bothers people,
49:12like the deep stuff in there, can only
49:14come out when you are a vacuum. So,
49:17let's read a little bit about Puer.
49:19Through the transference, they begin to
49:20hope that they might trust or love
49:23again. But you can be sure that the love
49:25which first comes up is completely
49:27childish. And the analysand very often
49:29knows what will happen and that it will
49:31just mean disappointment again and be of
49:33no use, okay? Preaching does no more
49:36good than it would to a small furious
49:38child who just does not listen. How can
49:40one meet this tremendous problem? If one
49:43shelves it as something hampering in
49:44life as a source of illusion and
49:46trouble, then one is no longer
49:47spontaneous but disillusioned and grown
49:49up in a wrong way. But if one lives it
49:51as just impossible and reality hits one
49:54over the head. That is a problem. What
49:55the problem of puer is is when you're
49:58working with a puer, they will
49:59eventually evoke a transference towards
50:01you. And that transference is where the
50:03healing happens in an analysis. So, they
50:06start to project onto you. And it is in
50:09that projection that the healing
50:11happens. But, when that projection
50:13happens, there is a huge step. So,
50:15here's the step. First, step number one
50:17is I'm hopeless. Cuz I've tried and
50:19nothing works. Step number two is the
50:21analyst shows up. And the analyst is
50:24great. And the analyst has all of the
50:26answers. Step number three is the is a
50:29disillusionment
50:31in the analyst. This guy can't help me
50:34after all. This guy is false. This guy
50:36doesn't get it. This guy kind of does
50:38this sort of stuff. These are the steps
50:39of of transference. This is why this is
50:41important. No hope, hope in someone
50:43else, disillu- disillusionment with
50:46self. The fourth step, can y'all guess
50:48what the fourth step is? This perfect
50:50person cannot help me. What is the next
50:52step, y'all? Why does this have to
50:54happen? What does this pave the way for?
50:56Very good. Self-help. So, y'all may say,
51:00"Oh my god, Dr. K is such an [ __ ]
51:02He's calling this person out, right?"
51:04And it's got 368 upvotes. Let's read the
51:08top response. "Did we watch different
51:10videos? I just watched last night and he
51:12spent half the time harping on how
51:15unfair the situation is and emphasizing
51:17that no solution is good, but framing
51:19his advice as the lesser of two evils.
51:22At no point does he roast her or suggest
51:24that what is happening is how things
51:26should be. It's also important to
51:27understand he isn't giving her advice
51:29specifically because he doesn't know her
51:31full situation. He's using her question
51:33to give more generally applicable
51:34advice. I honestly thought it was a bit
51:37overdone and that obviously the audience
51:39would understand he's giving you
51:41something you can control, but reading
51:43this post, I understand why he did it.
51:46This is why I call this transference,
51:48not because I'm right and they're wrong.
51:51I don't even remember what the the video
51:53is about, to be honest. Do you all see
51:54what is happening here? So, for a puer
51:57to come out of it, they must move
51:58through these phases. You're hopeless,
52:01you get your faith in me, I give you
52:03solutions, you reject them. You reject
52:06them for a thousand different reasons.
52:07They get co-opted by your intellectual
52:10structure, you philosophically reject
52:12them, you decide that you're going to do
52:14a vim bigger for all of 72 hours and you
52:16give up due to impatience, or you say
52:19this guy doesn't get it. And this is why
52:23it is hard. This is why psychotherapy
52:25has evolved in the way that it has,
52:27because therapists can't give advice.
52:29It's never going to work. I could give
52:31you all advice until I'm blue in the
52:32face. Whatever advice I gave, I can
52:35guarantee you that someone will post and
52:37say this doesn't work for this reason.
52:39And then someone and I'll say, "Okay,
52:40then do this." And they'll say, "This
52:42doesn't work for this reason." I can't
52:43give advice. It doesn't work. What must
52:46happen is transference. And this is what
52:48gets really weird. I think transference
52:51is starting to happen parasocially. So,
52:53this is where things go completely off
52:55the rails. I'm going to just share what
52:57I think is going on. So, the first is
52:59there is a collective unconscious, which
53:01is puer aeternus. I feel it, you feel
53:03it, we have some connection. I think the
53:05way that transference transforms someone
53:08is via some weird collective unconscious
53:12kind of [ __ ] thing. I don't know.
53:14Like this is really weird. What is the
53:16mechanism of transformation when two
53:18human beings connect? So, as I make this
53:21content on the internet, there are two
53:23ways to receive it. Mind hive is right,
53:26right? So, like I know it sounds crazy.
53:28This is mind hive. Like it goes on and
53:31on and on. 12 days, like like a hundred
53:36posts or some [ __ ] not a hundred, like
53:37maybe 40, 50. We are connected across
53:41this weird collective unconscious bridge
53:43and something is going on where if y'all
53:45want to lose faith in me, that is good.
53:47You must lose faith in me. And when you
53:49lose faith in me, the only thing I
53:52implore you is that you find it in
53:54yourself. You look at all of these
53:56patterns that we've talked about and you
53:58sit with yourself, you struggle with
54:00yourself. It is not about doing
54:02anything, it is about looking at the way
54:04that your mental construct is,
54:06recognizing that you have greatness
54:08within you which needs to be birthed.
54:10But grappling with the terrible fear
54:13that in order to birth that greatness,
54:16you have to risk that it will die 100%.
54:20You have to go into battle and kill or
54:22be killed. The problem is that y'all are
54:25sitting on the sidelines. Y'all are
54:27never committing 100% and so your dream
54:29can never become a reality. And if you
54:32are never giving it your 100%, you will
54:34continue to live a provisional life. I
54:37can get you this far, but I cannot
54:40transform you. The advice that I gave
54:42will not work. It will never work. This
54:47is the limit of what I can do. The rest,
54:50you have to do on your own. And there is
54:53no way that I can find some perfect
54:55solution that will give you the benefit
54:58without the risk. You guys can try to
55:00optimize, philosophize, efficiency,
55:02whatever the [ __ ] like whatever the
55:04[ __ ] y'all want to do. But until you
55:06learn to pay the price, nothing will
55:08work. And this is happening within our
55:10community. The amount of people who have
55:13lost faith in me in the last year is
55:16astronomical. Astrology video,
55:19socioeconomic views, and like this is
55:21the crazy thing. This is not what I
55:24said. This is what I said. And I'm not
55:27blaming that person. This is important
55:28to understand, like don't get your ego
55:30caught up in this cuz mine isn't. I
55:32don't feel bad or good or whatever. I
55:33don't feel like I won or lost or
55:34whatever. I take this feedback
55:36seriously, by the way, and I do to like
55:37change it, make changes, and incorporate
55:39it, and things like that. I try to
55:41adjust my tone not on this lecture.
55:43Subsequent [ __ ] that gets uploaded to
55:44YouTube, sure. I'll be more sensitive.
55:46So, we're like growing here. We're going
55:49through these phases of disillusionment
55:51with Dr. K, which is a good thing. I've
55:53tried really hard for y'all to not be
55:55put me on a pedestal, but I'm getting
55:57pulled along with the transference just
55:59like y'all are. And when I say I'm an
56:00ordinary person, I really do believe
56:02that. I think the only difference, if
56:05even there is one, is just where I am on
56:07my journey. I've managed my puer in a
56:10way that like it just shows up sometimes
56:12now, but it's not like I don't have my
56:14struggles or anything like that. So,
56:15this trans- this is not something you
56:17can do. It is a transformation that must
56:20happen on the psychological level. The
56:23war that you need to fight is not in
56:25action. It is not just do it. It is like
56:27when there is an impulse within you to
56:29not want to do it, to do it.
56:31[clears throat] And you have to be
56:32careful because if you amputate off your
56:34desires, you're going to end up cynical,
56:37which happens a lot to with puers. They
56:39end up with like this cynical view.
56:40Right? So, I'm going to just share this.
56:42I feel like I could be 100 times more
56:43productive if someone else just took
56:45over my life decisions and just ordered
56:46me around like a robot. Right? That's
56:48what a puer wants. It's the problem of
56:50puer in a nutshell. I just can't get
56:52myself to do anything. Well, like how do
56:53you get yourself to do something? You
56:55fight internally. You recognize what
56:57these moves are. Right? That's totally
56:59what you want. No, it isn't. People say
57:00that's what I want. I wish people would
57:02order me around.
57:04When you get ordered around at your job,
57:05how do you feel about it? Not great.
57:07When I order you around, how do you feel
57:09about it? Not great. That's the problem.
57:11The puer lives in the paradox of I want
57:13this thing and when I get it, "Nah."
57:15Right? So, people are talking about
57:17executive dysfunction. Someone made a
57:18post about ADHD and puer. So, this is
57:20important to understand. Archetype is at
57:22the subconscious level. Above that is
57:24personality. Above that is thoughts.
57:27Genetics and ADHD, they're like kind of
57:29above that. Archetype is way more
57:31primordial. Right? So, if we look at
57:32like the layer of who you are, you're an
57:34individual, you're part of a family,
57:36you're part of a guild, you're whatever.
57:38These are different like levels of
57:39zooming in or zooming out of your
57:42identity. So, is there a correlation
57:44between ADHD and puer aeternus?
57:46Probably. I would say undoubtedly, in my
57:49opinion. But, they're not like one in
57:51the same. They're like different They're
57:52like different kinds of stuff. Right? If
57:54I If I say like there's a jersey and
57:57there's a team. Are the two things
57:58connected? Yes, but they're not They're
58:00like at different levels of stuff.
58:02Right? And there were other people who
58:03were who were criticizing my archetypal
58:05stuff, and fair enough. Like that that
58:07stuff is fair. I didn't go into the
58:09archetypal stuff because now I am,
58:11because now y'all need to understand
58:12what this is. So, puer doesn't cause
58:14ADHD. So So, this is the key thing. So,
58:16now we're going to open things up for
58:17questions. Okay? But, the key thing here
58:19is if y'all are at the end of this this
58:20lecture and you're saying, "What do I
58:22do?" It's the wrong question. The short
58:24answer is nothing. And And equally valid
58:27answer is everything. To conquer puer to
58:31purify puer is what I would call it. You
58:33must understand things at the
58:34psychological level. See that tension.
58:37See that struggle and move against it.
58:39Notice the thousand ways that it moves
58:43you towards inaction. It'll find a
58:45thousand tricks. And if you meet those,
58:47it'll find a thousand more. The
58:49beautiful thing is that if you start
58:51acting in contrary to it, it will purify
58:55on its own. Take the plunge. Things may
58:57not be okay. But, what choice do you
58:59have? The choice you have is to sit
59:02around and idle for the rest of your
59:04life. Right? So, this is where someone's
59:06saying, "So, do the opposite?" No, that
59:08won't work either. Nothing you do will
59:11work. Because if you say, "Okay, I'm
59:13just supposed to do the opposite."
59:14Practically, that can work. But, if
59:16you're not careful, puer will hijack
59:18that as well. So, it'll it'll It's so
59:20tricky. It'll select things where the
59:22opposite This goes back to the thing
59:24You'll remember when I pointed out that
59:25they'll do work, but they'll do a a work
59:27to escape work. That's what's so tricky
59:29about it. So, you have to struggle
59:30internally, fight it on the level of
59:32psychology, recognize that you have this
59:35voice within you that is trying to come
59:37out, and it's it's scared. It has this
59:40childlike perception of what the world
59:43is. So, what I would do is take an
59:44attitude of let me figure this out. Let
59:47me try, and really give it my full
59:49fourth effort. Because if I run an
59:51experiment and I cut it off halfway, I
59:53don't actually have any good data. Huge
59:55problem with puer's. They think they
59:57have data, but what they have is a
59:58series of aborted experiments. Okay,
1:00:01what's the absolute first step?
1:00:04Question one. The absolute first step is
1:00:07watching this video again. Just watch it
1:00:09again. And this is what I mean.
1:00:11So, like the reason this lecture is
1:00:12hard, and when I say like this stuff
1:00:14like this is this is the beginning of
1:00:15the end.
1:00:17For the people who get it, right? We're
1:00:19going to move on to step four, which is
1:00:20you don't need me anymore. Once this
1:00:22transformation happens, you don't need
1:00:24me. That's the point. That's why we
1:00:25showed up.
1:00:26Right? Then I'm going to go on to doing
1:00:28things that I enjoy in life. So, the
1:00:30absolute first step is to try to listen
1:00:34to my message,
1:00:36not my words. And for those of you who
1:00:38don't know how to do that, which I
1:00:40imagine is a lot of people, that's
1:00:41exactly the problem, right? So, you have
1:00:43to learn how to listen instead of do.
1:00:46Don't do.
1:00:47Listen. And if you're not hearing it,
1:00:49that's okay. There's a fundamental
1:00:51quality of listening, and we get so
1:00:55externally oriented. Like literally our
1:00:57orientation, the way that we're facing
1:01:00is outside of ourselves, that we forget
1:01:02how to listen. So, so if I tell you to
1:01:05do something, you can do it, but then
1:01:07puer will hijack you. It'll hijack you
1:01:10if you're in the doing phase. What you
1:01:12need to be doing is looking at puer.
1:01:15Don't let it hijack you. But don't let
1:01:17it is not something you can do. It is
1:01:19not an action you can take. It is like a
1:01:22direction that you're facing. So, what I
1:01:24would literally do is watch this again
1:01:27and listen. And this is what's hard is I
1:01:29have to convey a message at the level
1:01:33that will resonate with the collective
1:01:35unconscious. I'm not talking I'm There's
1:01:37words up here, but then there's like a
1:01:39message that I'm transmitting
1:01:42via the collective unconscious.
1:01:44And I know it sounds [ __ ] weird. It's
1:01:46happening though. So, that's what y'all
1:01:48need to listen for. The other thing
1:01:51that y'all can do,
1:01:53right? So, for those of y'all that are
1:01:54not going to watch it again and you want
1:01:55a [ __ ] answer, here's a [ __ ]
1:01:56answer. Pay attention to the patterns,
1:01:58right? We laid out the patterns of puer
1:02:00because it's not the first step. So, I
1:02:02guess the first step is watching. Watch,
1:02:03watch, watch, watch, watch yourself.
1:02:06I've given you the patterns. That's the
1:02:07most I can give you, right? I can show
1:02:09you the move set. It's kind of like
1:02:10asking like, "Okay, now that I know the
1:02:12move set of this character in Street
1:02:13Fighter 6, what's the first button I
1:02:16push?" Do you guys see how that's an
1:02:18absurd question? You don't always want
1:02:20to start with low kick or upper kick or
1:02:21jump kick or whatever. There's no right
1:02:23or wrong answer there. The orientation
1:02:26needs to change. The first step depends
1:02:29on
1:02:30what version of puer is active within
1:02:33you.
1:02:33So, I suppose then you could say the
1:02:35first step is observation, but that too
1:02:37is like tricky to do, okay? And by the
1:02:39way, this is also the limit of what I
1:02:41can do. This is the most that I can do.
1:02:44I'm trying some weird collective
1:02:45unconscious transmission. Hey,

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