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You’re Not Lazy — You’re Just Focused On The WRONG Goal (Fix THIS & Finally Start Winning) — Transcript

by Jay Shetty Podcast · 16,128 words · 2,267 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I think if people are like, I want to
0:01accomplish this goal, the very next
0:03question is why? And then go why, why,
0:06why, why, why. If your why is so strong,
0:08how it's going to be done, it doesn't
0:09matter. You'll figure out.
0:11You've got a book out called Level Up.
0:13Rob Dial from the Mindset Mentor
0:15Podcast. Not everything that's happened
0:17to you in your life is your fault, but
0:19whatever it is that you have, it is your
0:20responsibility to work through. If I'm
0:21going to feel the feelings of fear, why
0:23don't I also just try feeling the
0:24feelings of success and getting there?
0:30Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to
0:32share with you. In the last 90 days,
0:3579.4%
0:37of our audience came from viewers and
0:39listeners that are not subscribed to
0:41this channel. There's research that
0:43shows that if you want to create a
0:45habit, make it easy to access. By
0:48hitting the subscribe button, you're
0:50creating a habit of learning how to be
0:52happier, healthier, and more healed.
0:55This would also mean the absolute world
0:57to me and help us make better, bigger,
1:01brighter content for you and the world.
1:03Subscribe right now. The number one
1:05health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
1:08Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay
1:10Shetty.
1:13Why is it that we all want something? We
1:16have goals, we have things that we
1:18believe are important,
1:21but we struggle to focus on them?
1:23Yeah, well, there's there's a couple
1:25different things. I think the first
1:26thing is that we hold ourselves back
1:27from is we have a lot of fears. And
1:29fears, when you really start to dive
1:31into them, like you you mentioned in the
1:33beginning of this, like I started
1:34talking with you about like the East and
1:36and you started I remember you told me
1:38in 2017 like you should read the
1:39Bhagavad Gita. So I literally wrote it I
1:41got it like the next week and read it
1:42while we were traveling. And so there
1:44was that. And and as I was writing the
1:45book, I was like, what's the thing? Cuz
1:47the original title of the book was the
1:48psychology of taking action. Cuz I was
1:50looking at the Mindset Mentor Podcast, I
1:52had 1,400 episodes, and I was like, it's
1:54just me speaking for almost every single
1:56one of them. And I was like, "What do I
1:58teach? Like, what do What do people want
2:00from me?" And I was like, "It's almost
2:02all like tips and tricks to understand
2:04yourself to take action." Because
2:05everybody who's listening to a podcast
2:07has the awareness of I want to improve.
2:09I want to get better. I want something
2:10different. But, how do I do it? And then
2:13so I I started saying, "Okay, if if
2:14taking action is what the book's going
2:15to be about, like, why don't people take
2:17action in the first place?" And one of
2:19the things that that pops up for people
2:20is fear. Like, they're just there's some
2:22sort of fear that pops up for them. And
2:24I had a conversation with one of my
2:25friends who went and lived in the tribe
2:27with a a tribe in native Brazilian tribe
2:29in the middle of Brazil. And so, he had
2:31to fly into a town. He had to hop on a
2:33boat and go for 2 days on a boat in the
2:34middle of nowhere. And he started
2:36talking to me about these things that he
2:37called primal fears and intellectual
2:38fears. So, like, a primal fear is is
2:40pain or death is attached to it. And we
2:43don't really come up with too many
2:44primal fears in our life nowadays.
2:46Intellectual fear is like what we deal
2:48with all day long, which is
2:50you know, the the the fear of rejection,
2:52the fear of failure, the fear of uh not
2:54being accepted, the fear of success. We
2:57all have these fears, and and all of
2:58these fears are made up in our minds.
3:00And so, I was listening to I'm pretty
3:01sure it was Sadhguru I was listening to.
3:03And I was like I I put on and I was
3:05driving around in Sedona as I was
3:07writing the book. I was there just to
3:08try to get my whole mind together. I was
3:10by myself writing it. And I was like
3:12looking at fears and trying to figure
3:13them out. And one thing that he said
3:15that like really hit me more than
3:16anything else
3:18is
3:19okay, I've identified my fears. And the
3:21next thing is, well, how do I overcome
3:22these fears? And if it's an intellectual
3:24fear, the the fears that exist in our
3:26minds, is you can't overcome something
3:29that doesn't exist.
3:30And so, we create We basically wake up
3:32with the boogeyman. We wake up in the
3:33morning, we create the boogeyman, which
3:34is like uh the fear of success, the fear
3:37of failure, whatever it is. And instead
3:38of actually taking the action that we
3:39need to and focusing on what it is that
3:41we want, we take all of our focus and
3:43put it towards trying to overcome this
3:44fear. When in reality, the fear doesn't
3:46even exist in the first place. And so, I
3:48think the biggest thing for most people
3:49is like the fear is keeping you from
3:52from focusing.
3:53Um, but there's also like the identity
3:54of who you think you are. And one of my
3:56favorite things is challenging who I
3:59think I am all the time.
4:00Like I love the story and I put in the
4:03book of Jim Carrey when he decided to be
4:06uh in Man on the Moon. Then uh there was
4:10a the Man on the Moon is a movie where
4:11he ended up playing uh Andy Kaufman. And
4:14there was a whole documentary that was
4:15done on this and they curbed it for like
4:1720 years cuz it was so off the rails of
4:20how crazy he went and the and what he
4:22did was he it's a documentary called Jim
4:24and Andy that's on him playing the role
4:26on Man on the Moon. So Andy Kaufman was
4:28a guy who was once alive. And the crazy
4:30part of about Andy Kaufman is he also
4:32played other characters. So it was Jim
4:34Carrey playing Andy Kaufman who played
4:36like Tony Clifton and other characters.
4:38But the thing that happened with him was
4:40that he would never break character. So
4:42he was a method actor. So for 4 months
4:45he played as this real-life person.
4:48And even to the point where his driver
4:49that would pick him up in Hollywood and
4:51drive him to his house said that whoever
4:53he was playing at the time that they
4:55stopped recording whether it was Andy
4:56Kaufman, Tony Clifton, he would play
4:58that person the entire day when he when
5:00he was driving him home, that night, and
5:02he'd pick him up and he was still the
5:03same person. Not Jim Carrey anymore.
5:06And so what happened was he he ended up
5:08like and it gets kind of crazy where he
5:10ends up doing therapy sessions with Andy
5:13Kaufman's real daughter and his family.
5:15So like help them overcome his sudden
5:17death. And so what happens is they
5:19stopped recording 4 months later and
5:21he's like, "I don't know who I am." And
5:23he lost who he was.
5:25And he's like, "I don't know my beliefs,
5:27I don't know what makes me happy, what
5:28makes me sad, what pisses me off
5:29anymore." He's like, "I've kind of just
5:31lost who Jim Carrey is." And that's kind
5:34of like his spiritual awakening that
5:35you've seen him go through over the past
5:3620 years and he realized
5:39"If I can lose Jim Carrey, then who the
5:41hell is Jim Carrey?" And he realized
5:43that Jim Carrey is just basically a
5:44character that he's playing all the time
5:47that is completely somebody else and he
5:49could just wake up another morning and
5:50act like he's somebody else. And so I
5:52think that two of the things that really
5:53keep us from focusing on stuff is we get
5:55really afraid and fearful of making
5:57change or judgment or failure and all
5:59that. And the other thing is like who we
6:00actually truly think we are um will hold
6:03us back from taking either the action
6:04that we need to or you know, staying in
6:06the exact same position that we're in. I
6:07love that. I want to go down both of
6:09those routes because
6:11I find them both fascinating for
6:12different reasons and I want to go down
6:14that more spiritual ethereal journey as
6:16well because yeah. But but before we do
6:19that, I want to make sure that
6:20so if we talk about the fears that
6:22people are experiencing, as you said, a
6:24lot of the time it's an intellectual
6:25fear. It's not real, but it feels so
6:28real.
6:28Feels real, yeah. Right? Like when
6:29someone says like oh, I'm really scared
6:32about what if I get rejected from the
6:35job or I'm really scared that my
6:37partner's going to leave me or I'm
6:39really scared that I don't feel good
6:43enough or smart enough to to make it in
6:45whatever field it is. Those feel
6:47extremely real.
6:49Yeah. How do you process a feeling that
6:52feels real even though it may be
6:54intellectual? Yeah. Well, so that's the
6:56beautiful thing about being a human and
6:57I think it's and you can correct me if
6:59I'm wrong, but I think it's actually in
7:00the Bhagavad Gita gives an example of a
7:02lion attacking you at a tiger attacking
7:05you at night. And you know, one of the
7:06examples I give in the book is is
7:08similar to that where it's like if you
7:09think about it, if you
7:11we've all had this where we have a
7:11really intense dream. Like you're
7:13walking in a forest, whatever it is, and
7:15you see a lion, it starts running after
7:17you. You know, you you run from it, you
7:19turn, you look over your shoulder, it's
7:20getting closer, you're still running
7:22from it, you turn, you look over your
7:23shoulder, just his teeth are about to to
7:25to dig into you. And you wake up in the
7:27middle of the night and your body didn't
7:29move at all.
7:30But you're sweating, you're out of
7:32breath, your heart rate is intensely
7:34going. And the amazing thing about being
7:37a human,
7:38you know, they usually say what in in
7:39any case is what your biggest strength
7:41is is also can be your biggest fault.
7:43The thing about humans is that we can
7:44project our minds into a future that
7:47doesn't exist yet. And so, what we can
7:49do right now is we can sit here, you
7:52know, we're in the studio, everything is
7:53amazing. We have food, water, shelter,
7:56clothing, everything. But if I'm like,
7:58as a lot of people do, like if I'm
7:59starting a business, right?
8:00I can sit here and I can think, "I
8:02really want to start this business." But
8:04then I start playing out all of the
8:05things that could go wrong, which is
8:07what we tend to do. Not what goes right,
8:09but what could go wrong. When I project
8:11my mind into that future, the crazy part
8:13is that my mind and my body are
8:15constantly connected. So, my my brain is
8:17sending neuropeptides to my body and
8:18creating hormones as if that moment is
8:20actually happening right now.
8:22And so, what happens is we tend to, us
8:24humans, as a protection mechanism, uh we
8:27tend to project ourselves into a future
8:29that is fearful, that is scary, and that
8:32fearful, scary feeling usually keeps us
8:34in the exact same place.
8:36And so, what I always say is like, if
8:38I'm going to imagine the worst that
8:39could happen, why don't I at least try
8:41to see the best that could happen? And
8:43so, if I'm going to notice myself the
8:45awareness of like, "I'm really in a lot
8:46of fear right now with starting this
8:48business."
8:49And I'm I'm going, "Man, what's the
8:50worst that could happen?" Well, then I
8:52might as well close my eyes and say
8:53like, "What's the best that could
8:54happen?" And what would it feel like to
8:56start this business and to be able to
8:58crack a million dollars in a business
8:59and how proud of myself would I be to
9:03break a a million dollars in sales and
9:05to be able to build this and travel with
9:07my family and provide what I've always
9:08wanted to provide.
9:10And if I'm going to feel the feelings of
9:11fear,
9:12why don't I also just try on feeling the
9:14feelings of success and getting there?
9:17And so, if we notice this is an
9:18intellectual fear, the first the first
9:20piece that I always say is there's
9:22there's three pieces. There's the
9:23awareness of it. Okay, I'm aware that
9:25I'm in a state of fear.
9:27I need a practice to get myself out of
9:29that. Okay, if I notice myself in in a
9:31state of fear,
9:33what's my practice to get myself out of
9:34it? Well, I'm going to go ahead and I'm
9:36going to calm down and and and take six
9:38deep breaths and I'm going to connect
9:40back to my heart and I'm going to ask
9:41myself like what's the best thing that
9:43could happen? That's the practice to get
9:45myself out of it and then the last piece
9:46is repetition. So it's awareness, it's
9:48practice, it's repetition. If I do it
9:50over and over and over again,
9:52eventually I start to rewire myself. So
9:54like one of the things that that I found
9:56in myself years ago that I didn't like
9:58was was that I judge people and I didn't
10:00I'm like, "Man, I love people. Like I
10:01love I try to do I try to be of service
10:03as much as I can, but an immediate
10:05thought that will come in my head
10:06sometimes is like judgment of somebody
10:08that I don't know and I just judge them
10:10and I was like, "I don't like that
10:11pattern. I want to change this pattern
10:13within myself." So awareness, I become
10:15aware of what I want to change.
10:17And the the one the first time I really
10:19did it, I was at a grocery store and
10:21this guy had this like Bluetooth, you
10:22know, like the long Bluetooth. It was in
10:24like as if he was, you know, making cold
10:25calls at an office, but he was at the
10:27grocery store. And immediately the first
10:29thought in my head was judgment. And I
10:31always say you can't change your first
10:32thought, but you can change your second
10:33thought. So I noticed a judgment as a
10:35first thought.
10:36The awareness, my practice that I
10:38decided for myself was I'm going to
10:39force myself in my head to say three
10:41things that I like about this guy.
10:43I paused myself in the moment. I found
10:45myself in a pattern that I don't want to
10:47be in anymore. What are three things
10:48that I like about this guy? And I said
10:50it and then I went on about my day and I
10:53started doing this over and over and
10:55over and over again. And one thing that
10:57I noticed is that my first thought
10:59started changing to less judgment and
11:01more acceptance cuz ultimately that's
11:03that's what I really want to work on is
11:04more acceptance and loving of people and
11:06of myself. And so I think it's um it's
11:09becoming aware of it. Once you're aware
11:11of the the things that you're trying the
11:12pattern you're trying to change, what's
11:13the practice that you're going to take
11:15yourself down and then noticing that
11:17you're just going to need to do it over
11:18and over and over again.
11:20But the one of the biggest keys is to
11:21give yourself grace as you're doing it
11:23cuz a lot of times we make we are become
11:25aware and then we judge ourselves and we
11:27beat ourselves up for it. So I think
11:28it's it's giving yourself a lot of
11:29loving grace and going, "Hey, I've
11:31noticed this pattern. Don't worry, we're
11:33going to change it. Let's go on this
11:34practice." and just continuing to do
11:36that. Yeah, it's so well said. I think
11:38so often we get scared even of having
11:41the thought of what could be possible
11:43because we're scared that it can't be
11:44possible. And we just find another thing
11:46to be fearful of. And I love this idea
11:50of what you're saying around
11:51transforming your thoughts because I've
11:53definitely the more and more I've
11:55studied books, the more and more I've
11:57I've read and I've thought I've
11:59discovered that all of our failure and
12:01success in life is based on our most
12:04repeated thought.
12:05Mhm. And one of my biggest questions to
12:06most people I meet now is, "What is your
12:08most repeated thought?"
12:09Mhm. And most people don't know the
12:11answer because they're not aware
12:13Right.
12:13in your words.
12:15And a lot of people who do know will say
12:18it's something like, "I'm not good
12:19enough.
12:20I don't like the way I look. I am ugly."
12:24And whatever whatever else it may be for
12:26them, right? And so, we're either aware
12:28and it's negative or we're unaware
12:30because it's so subconscious. And I've
12:32started to recognize that most of the
12:34thoughts we have are not that different.
12:37They're the same thought that comes in a
12:39different voice, a different tone, a
12:41different vocabulary, a different
12:43language, but it's the same repetition.
12:46Yeah. And so, I've started to really
12:47think about what's my most repeated
12:50thought. Yeah.
12:50And how can I be more, as you are
12:52saying, how can I be more selective
12:54about it? And how can I choose it more
12:56effectively rather than just let it be
12:59something that's kind of just coming up.
13:01Yeah. And it's And it's like not Don't
13:03identify with your thoughts. You know,
13:04like one of the things that I don't
13:06remember where I heard it before, but
13:07the way I like to think about it and and
13:09I've heard you say before even like a
13:11lot of people say like, "Oh, I struggle
13:12with meditating." And I've heard you say
13:14before where it's not about mastering
13:16your thoughts, it's not about making
13:17your thoughts go away, it's just
13:18becoming aware of your thoughts a little
13:19bit more. Becau- Because when we close
13:21our eyes, you know, about 60% of our
13:23brain is visual. We It's It's for the
13:26visual things to see. So, when we close
13:27our eyes, it kind of turns off a lot of
13:29parts. And so, thoughts usually come up
13:31and we become aware of those. Like, one
13:33of the things that I've been doing a lot
13:35recently is like trying to be in as much
13:37silence as possible. Like, I'm just
13:38trying to be as much silence as I
13:40possibly can cuz I feel like that's
13:42where a lot of my awareness is, a lot of
13:43my answers come from.
13:46And so, when you sit there and the
13:47analogy that I love when you start
13:49thinking of your thoughts is it's like
13:50sitting on the edge of a mountain and
13:52down below there's just a road going
13:54that that that you're looking at.
13:55And sitting on the edge of the mountain
13:57is like meditating or just sitting in
13:59silence and just, you know, looking at
14:00your thoughts and you can watch the cars
14:02go by, the thoughts that go by,
14:04and not have to be attached to them. You
14:06don't find yourself getting sucked into
14:08the red car that just went by. You just
14:10watch the the cars go by. And that's the
14:12way that I try to to see my thoughts,
14:14which is, okay, I'm going to watch them
14:16go by. I'm not going to connect to them,
14:18but I can look at them and be like, is
14:20this thought, which, you know, about 90%
14:21of our thoughts are the same as
14:22yesterday, is this thought helping me in
14:25trying to get to where I want to be in
14:26life, or is this thought holding me back
14:28from trying to get to where I want to be
14:29in life? And if it's helping me, then I
14:31want to strengthen it. If it's not
14:33helping me, well, then, hey, as that guy
14:35in the podcast said, I can't control my
14:36first thought, but I can control my
14:37second. So, what it What would I prefer
14:39my second thought to be? Yeah, I I think
14:41you just hit the nail on the head. Like,
14:42that's what it is for me. It's
14:44whether you've understood that you're
14:46not your thoughts or not. That can be
14:47quite hard for people because I think
14:49we're so close to them.
14:51But, even if you can practice distance
14:53through meditation or mindfulness, the
14:55real win is being able to look at a
14:56thought and say, is it good for me or is
14:59it not helpful? Like Like you just said.
15:00Like, I think that is the wisdom of it.
15:02That can I evaluate everything that's
15:04repetitive in my mind and ask myself, is
15:08this useful? Is it helpful? Is it
15:10allowing me to move in the direction I
15:11want? Because chances are a lot of what
15:14we're saying is actually doing the
15:15complete opposite. And then you go, oh,
15:17wait a minute, even though it's
15:18interesting and even though I could get
15:20lost in here, I don't want to waste time
15:23and therefore I'll move in the other
15:24direction. You talk about
15:25procrastination in this book and that
15:27again, going back to your earlier title,
15:30is a block against the psychology of
15:32action. And we all have a friend or
15:34maybe we are that friend that constantly
15:37puts things off. We postpone, we
15:39procrastinate, we say I'll do it another
15:41year. I want to launch a podcast.
15:43Someone's been saying that for 2 years.
15:45There's someone listening right now who
15:47wants to start an Instagram page, they
15:48put it off for 6 months. There's someone
15:50listening who's like, oh I missed out on
15:52the Clubhouse thing and then I missed
15:54out on the TikTok thing and now I'm
15:55missing out on whatever the next thing
15:57is. And we procrastinate hoping that one
16:00day will come. What have you learned
16:02about procrastination through your
16:04research when you were writing the book
16:06that has helped people break that cycle
16:09because it seems to apply to so many of
16:11our lives?
16:11I mean, the thing about it is this, if
16:13I've always I always like to be like
16:15very extreme in examples because we can
16:17go extreme then it makes a lot of sense.
16:18But I always tell people like and and I
16:21always say it like, hey, I've I've given
16:23this when I used to give a lot of
16:24speeches. I'd be in front of people and
16:25say, hey, what's the chance of you
16:26making a million dollars this year? Give
16:29me give me numbers and everyone's like,
16:300% 0% 0%.
16:321%. There's always one person that's
16:33like, five and that's like the most
16:34it'll get to. And I said, okay, I'm
16:36going to give you the most extreme
16:37example but I just want to see what
16:38happens, okay? What's the percentage
16:40chance of you making a million dollars
16:42this year legally and if you don't
16:45everyone that you love dies?
16:47And everyone's like, 100% 100% 1,000
16:491,000%. I said, what changed? The goal
16:52didn't change, the time frame didn't
16:53change, why you're doing it changed.
16:56Would you wake up in the morning if
16:57everyone that you love's life depended
16:59on it and be like, yeah, well maybe I
17:01should scroll on TikTok for a little
17:03while. No, you'd be like, I'm going to
17:04take action immediately. And so it
17:06doesn't need to be like a fear of losing
17:07everybody but what's really behind that
17:09is like why? Like why they're they're
17:12doing it. Like if if any of your
17:13reflection of anyone who who know Jay,
17:15like you're one of the hardest working
17:17people I've ever met, but you have a
17:18really strong why, right? And that's
17:20like one of the best parts about it,
17:21where it's like when I see Jay, I'm
17:23like, this guy has to he he has this
17:25internal feeling of like, I want to
17:27change the world, and you work so hard
17:29trying to do it. And that's the the one
17:31of the most beautiful things about you,
17:32is like you are wanting to change the
17:34world and you have a really strong why
17:35to it. And I think that if most people
17:37could figure out like, oh yeah, well, I
17:39want to do this thing. Why do you want
17:41to do it? And my my very first
17:43one-on-one coach um used to say to me,
17:45he would say, "What's your why? What's
17:47your why? Why are you doing this? Why
17:48are you doing this?" He would like
17:49hammer it home in my head. And I was
17:51like, "Why do you ask this so much?" And
17:53he would always say, "Cuz if your why is
17:55strong enough, your how will reveal
17:57itself." If you know why you want to do
18:00something, how it's going to be done,
18:02you'll figure out. It doesn't matter.
18:04Things are going to get in your way,
18:05there's going to be obstacles, there's
18:06always going to be obstacles, there's
18:07always going to be challenges, there's
18:08always going to be moments of like, I
18:09don't know if I can do this. But if your
18:11why is so strong, it's like I don't care
18:14what comes up in front of me, I'm going
18:16to get it done. Like most people, they
18:18want to be motivated.
18:20And I have come to to hate the word
18:22motivation, because motivation's so
18:24fleeting. Like, we can wake up and we
18:26can listen to a podcast, we can get, you
18:28know, read something and be motivated,
18:30and then something can happen to us and
18:31it's gone. It just disappears.
18:34What I want to be is I want to be
18:35driven. Like when you see a driven
18:37person, like you see it in their eyes,
18:39like, yeah, they're not stopping. And
18:41the difference between a motivated
18:43person and a driven person is that the
18:44driven person has this why that they
18:47want to see have happen in the world or
18:50in their life or for their family. And
18:52so, I think if people are like, I want
18:53to accomplish this goal, the very next
18:56question is why? And then go why, why,
18:58why, why, why, and go deeper into it. Um
19:00an example I give in the book
19:03is I had a coaching client years ago,
19:04like 8, 9 years ago, and he was like,
19:06"Rob, I want to make $100,000 this year.
19:08I've never made it." And I was like,
19:09"Why?" And I took him through what's
19:11called seven levels of why. Just keep
19:13asking why why why why why.
19:15And it went from I want to make $100,000
19:17this year cuz I've never done it before
19:19to the eventual thing was he had just
19:22got into a divorce a couple years ago.
19:24Both of his young children lived in a
19:25bad part of town with his ex-wife. He
19:28wanted to regain custody because he was
19:30afraid that both of his children would
19:32be killed in a drive-by.
19:34And he was so terrified of it that that
19:36was his actual true why. And so it
19:39wasn't it didn't motivation I I didn't
19:40have to talk to him and say, "Hey, you
19:42know, how close you to make $100,000
19:43this year?" I said, "Hey, how close you
19:45to providing more safety for your
19:46children this year?" Cuz he wanted them
19:47to move in with him. He wanted to be
19:49able to provide for them and to make
19:50sure that they were safe. And so I think
19:52that if we just ask ourselves, "Why do I
19:54truly want to accomplish this goal?" It
19:57kind of reveals itself and it makes it a
19:58lot easier to take the action. Yeah, for
20:00sure. I mean, I you know, and I
20:01appreciate all the kind words, but I can
20:03definitely say the only thing that's
20:04kept me going is my why because I think
20:07there are so many things that either
20:09make you want to give up or slow down or
20:12become lazy or complacent.
20:14And when I look at it and someone asked
20:15me this, I was I was sitting with an
20:17with another creator
20:19end of last year and he was just like to
20:20me, "Jay, why do you even do anything
20:22anymore? Like what what's the point?
20:23Like it seems like you're you're good.
20:25Like why do you need to do anything?"
20:27And I was like, "We've just got to the
20:28start of everything."
20:30Like I just got to the beginning of
20:31where I need to be. I was like, "We've
20:33just got to a point where we can connect
20:35with lots of people, but we need to give
20:37people the step-by-step process to
20:39transform their life. And now we can
20:41take them on the journey because people
20:43are listening, they're engaged, we have
20:45a community, we have a connection with
20:47people. But when I started out, we
20:49didn't have any of that. So I see as we
20:51just got to the start of where I want to
20:53be because And and it was just
20:55interesting to me that so many people
20:57struggle to find their why.
20:59And I think it's because
21:02we don't No one's And you just said your
21:04coach helped you do it. It was same with
21:05me. My art teacher at from age 11 to age
21:0918, he was my art teacher at school. And
21:11every time I'd paint something or draw
21:13something or do a collage or a graphic
21:15design,
21:16and whatever I do, the first question
21:17he'd ask me is, "Why did you do it?"
21:19Mhm. And I'd be like, cuz it My initial
21:22response was, cuz it looks good. Like
21:23that, you know, I was a kid, what do I
21:24know? And he'd be like, every year he'd
21:26be like, "Why did you do it?" And I'd be
21:27like, "Oh, cuz this color matches with
21:28this color." And then he'd be like, "Why
21:30did you do it?" And I'm like, "Oh,
21:31because it reveals the metaphor that I
21:34think this is about Then he'd be like,
21:35"Why did you do it?" And I'm like,
21:36because that's how I'm feeling right
21:38now. I'm trying to And every year he
21:39would ask me, he would reveal more and
21:41more layers of my psyche in a similar
21:44way. And again, I've owed it to someone
21:46in my life who pushed me to ask the
21:49question, "Why?" Same as you. And so I
21:51think what we're both saying is, please
21:52ask that question to yourself. But what
21:54if someone asked that question and they
21:55feel stuck and they kind of go, "I've
21:57asked it, but it's kind of just like
21:59just want a nice house. Like I just want
22:00a nice car. I just I just kind of want
22:02to, you know, like I It's not that
22:04deep." But I think you're right, like
22:06you said, we don't have a lot of primal
22:07fears. Like some people who are
22:08listening right now will have fears of
22:10survival. And that is driving them and
22:12they are working hard and they are
22:13pushing. And at the same time, we'll
22:15have people who like driven, but they're
22:17like, "I'm not driven enough because I
22:18haven't got anything to be that scared
22:20about or that worried about." What How
22:22do that person discover their why? Yeah,
22:24I think for me it's like
22:26my life was never
22:28terrible or you know, like when I when I
22:30started the
22:31Yeah, when I started the podcast, The
22:32Mindset Mentor, like I was at a point in
22:34my life where I was making a whole bunch
22:36of money and I was 27 years old and I
22:38was making 250 grand a year and I was
22:41working from home and everything was
22:42great. But I felt like I was slowly
22:46withering away. And I could see what the
22:48future was going to be while I was there
22:51and I said, "Okay, if I do this for
22:52another 5 years
22:54and I'm 32 years old and I'm still doing
22:55this where I have my manager's job, is
22:58that going to fulfill me?" And it
22:59actually gave me more anxiety to think
23:02about having my manager's job. And then
23:04I sat there and I thought, "Okay, well,
23:06like I really want to do this podcasting
23:07thing. It seems to be going pretty well.
23:09I want to coach people. I want to help
23:10people."
23:11And I also at the same time was like
23:13starting an Amazon business and trying
23:14to make money online and do that. And so
23:17I thought about it and I asked myself,
23:18"Okay, if I fast forward 5 years from
23:20today, do I want to be the person in
23:22sales management like I'm doing now and
23:24consulting? Do I want to be the guy
23:25that's selling stuff on Amazon and you
23:27know, an incredible Amazon business
23:29person? Or do I want to be the guy
23:31that's coaching people and helping
23:32people change their lives?" And the
23:33immediate answer was very clear.
23:36Coaching people and changing their
23:37lives. And I was like, "Okay, well, that
23:39feels like it's the path." And then
23:40immediately comes up is all kinds of
23:42fear. Cuz I don't know what I'm doing.
23:44Like back in the day, 2015, nobody made
23:46any money in podcasts. I didn't have any
23:48idea of how to grow a business, any of
23:49that type of stuff.
23:51But what was important to me
23:52was number one, when I fast forwarded
23:54into the future,
23:55the futures that I didn't want seemed
23:57way more painful than trying the
23:59unknown. And what could be if I did take
24:02the path. And so that was that became
24:04more of a fear. Like the fear of
24:06judgment, the fear of putting myself out
24:07there, other people's opinions. It was
24:09there. It's still there. And I don't
24:11know if you ever get past it, but you
24:12just kind of get more used to it. But
24:13the fear of being in the exact same
24:16position, working the same job, maybe
24:17making a little bit more money, doing
24:18this for every day until the day I die,
24:22was terrifying to me. That was that was
24:24a fear.
24:25And I was like, "Well, then this path of
24:27the unknown isn't as scary." And so I
24:29might as well take this path of the
24:31unknown. And I'll be fully transparent.
24:33There was um
24:35I shared this on
24:37like one other time, I think. There was
24:38a moment in 2015 where
24:42I started the podcast in August of 2015.
24:45November of 2015, I was feeling like a
24:47whole lot of fear.
24:48And I was like, "I might have to go back
24:50and work for someone else again." And it
24:51was just fear was so in my head and I
24:53was like, "I got to go back to making
24:54money. I got a new house. I got a
24:55mortgage. I don't know how I'm going to
24:57do this. I'm not making any money doing
24:58this. My sister came out to me and I
25:00believe, you know, if you're silent, the
25:02messages are always there. If you're
25:03looking, the messages are always there.
25:05And my sister, I was at her house
25:06um and she goes, "Hey, have you ever
25:08seen this box of dad's stuff?"
25:10And I was like, "No." And she brought
25:11out my my father was an alcoholic. He
25:13passed away when I was 15 from his
25:14alcoholism. And she brought out this box
25:16and it was like his glasses, there's a a
25:18t-shirt of his, um it was his watch. And
25:22the other things were a bunch of
25:23letters. My dad was in jail for a little
25:25while uh for multiple DUIs and they put
25:27him in jail and he would write letters
25:28to us.
25:29And um
25:31and he wrote a letter to my sister on
25:33her 19th birthday.
25:35And I was reading this, you know, 2015.
25:37So, he would have wrote it to her in in
25:381999.
25:39And the very last line was, "I hope you
25:42live your life with courage, love, and
25:44laughter."
25:45And I read it and it was like the
25:47universe warped and I was like,
25:51"Oh,
25:52he wrote this for me."
25:53Like there was a moment where I was
25:55like, "He wrote this to my sister, but
25:57the universe is giving me this message
25:59through my dad cuz I need to hear this
26:00right now cuz I'm in so much fear and
26:02the very first line is courage. Live
26:04your life with courage, love, and
26:05laughter." And I was like,
26:07"I got to commit." Like I I I this has
26:09to be the thing. I've got to make a
26:11decision and when you look at the root
26:12word of decision, it's decideri, which
26:14means to cut off. I'm going to cut off
26:16all other options. You know, I heard
26:18like Will Smith say there's no reason to
26:19have plan B cuz it's a distraction from
26:21plan A. Like it's got to be the thing.
26:23And I was like, "Oh my god, I got to
26:24commit to this thing. I can't have any
26:25more feelings of like I'm going to go
26:26back to work for someone else. Like this
26:28is my life path.
26:30I'm either going to succeed at it or I'm
26:31going to die trying." And I was like,
26:33"I don't know what to do." I was like,
26:35"I'm going to get this tattoo to my
26:35arm." So, I literally have, "You live
26:37your life with courage, love, and
26:38laughter" tattooed on my arm, my very
26:40first tattoo I ever got. But it was like
26:41for me, people always think like when
26:43you make a decision, the fear
26:44disappears. Like I wish that I could do
26:46these things, but it's like it's always
26:47there, but you've got to learn that like
26:49the fear is always going to be there.
26:51But my bigger fear
26:53is getting to the end of my life and
26:55having not done this, having not tried
26:57to help people. You know, like being in
26:59the room with with my father after he
27:02passed away when I was 15 years old and
27:04realizing cuz he was the first person I
27:05ever met that passed away,
27:07I'm going to be there one day.
27:10And I saw it. I was like,
27:12"Oh, yeah. That's I'm going to He He was
27:14a dreamer and he was an amazing person,
27:16but he didn't do what he wanted to do. I
27:18am not going to live that life. I'm
27:20going to create what I want to create."
27:22And now I have all of the other fears
27:24that everyone else has, but my biggest
27:25fear is getting to the end of my life
27:26and not having tried or not having at
27:28least gone for it. Yeah, that's I love
27:31hearing that and you've reminded me of
27:34a great speech that Jim Carrey gave,
27:36funnily enough,
27:37and he talked about how his dad, I
27:39believe his dad, and I could be getting
27:41this wrong, but he said that his dad was
27:42an accountant.
27:43Mhm.
27:44And he did that to be safe.
27:46And he said that when he was young, his
27:49dad got made redundant from his safe
27:51job. Right. Jim Carrey said that in
27:53life, you are probably going to fail at
27:56something you don't love.
27:57Mhm. So you might as well try something
27:59you do love.
28:00Right. Like this idea that I'm choosing
28:02the safe option or I'm choosing
28:04something that my parents told my family
28:06wanted or I'm choosing something I think
28:07is secure, even that's unstable and
28:10uncertain. And so the uncertainty that
28:13you pursue actually is less fearful
28:15Yeah. because you're on top of it.
28:17You're aware. And I think that's That's
28:19one of the biggest habits that I think
28:20changed my life
28:22is that I stopped believing and
28:24accepting
28:26that I would get to a place where I no
28:28longer had to use my brain. Mhm. Right?
28:31Like I think we all believe
28:32subconsciously somewhere that there's a
28:35paycheck, there's a bank balance,
28:38there's a home, there's a fashion,
28:41there's a partner that means from At on,
28:45I don't have to think about anything.
28:47Because it's all good.
28:49And my I'd say my best habit in life is
28:52recognizing that that is the biggest
28:53myth that we've been sold. And I just
28:56don't accept it. And I'm okay that my
28:59life requires constant work ethic and
29:02effort and awareness and being astute
29:05and being conscious. Because that is
29:07what's actually being demanded by this
29:09world. A uncertain world forces you to
29:13be conscious.
29:14Yeah. But if you're unconscious in an
29:16uncertain world, that's leading to a
29:18really dangerous place.
29:20Sure. And but I think we're waiting for
29:22that moment where we can just not be
29:23conscious because it's so much hard
29:24work. But to your point, it's way harder
29:27work being unconscious.
29:28Oh, yeah. Because the amount of
29:29unconscious issues that arise
29:32are numerous. I think there's like a lot
29:34of wisdom in what you said. Because a
29:37lot of people would rather just be like,
29:39"Well, let me get to this destination
29:41once I'm there everything becomes
29:42better."
29:42Hey, I want that, too.
29:45Right? And I I thought that for a long
29:46time. And And it's interesting the
29:48journey that I've had is, you know,
29:50um
29:51I always wanted to make money. Because I
29:53thought money was going to give me what
29:55I needed. It would give me that safety
29:56and security that I never felt as a
29:57child.
29:58And then I got to a goal that I wanted
30:01to get to and I realized I feel exactly
30:03the same as I've always felt. I don't
30:05feel any different. I don't feel any
30:06more secure. I don't feel any happier. I
30:07don't feel any more loved. And what I
30:10realized was I thought that the
30:11achievement, the recognition from other
30:13people, the money in my bank account,
30:15the buying cool stuff would fill what I
30:17actually thought was and and consciously
30:19now know is I thought that all of those
30:21things would fill a void that was inside
30:23of me. And what I realized is what I was
30:25searching for from the external world is
30:27actually what I was searching for for
30:28myself. And so the reason why I spend so
30:30much time in silence nowadays, I'll just
30:32go out on my porch and I'll just sit
30:34there for a couple hours is because I'm
30:36trying to fill
30:38the void that I have have created
30:41through life and through patterns and
30:43through heartbreaks and through
30:45all of the things that happened in my
30:46childhood and I'm trying to be there as
30:49the 38-year-old man
30:52for the nine-year-old boy that's still
30:54healing.
30:55And what I've realized is that none of
30:57the material things, anything
30:58externally, will ever give me what I was
31:00ever searching for. Everything I've
31:02always searched for in the external was
31:03what I've been searching for for myself.
31:05And so I don't I 100% agree with you. I
31:07don't think there's any destination we
31:08ever get to. I think I'm constantly
31:10going to overcome more things every
31:12single day and you know, if I live to
31:14100, I I would be so lucky and another
31:1762 more years, I don't expect that I'm
31:19going to get to the end of my life and
31:20be like, "I got I figured it out." I
31:22think the beautiful thing part of part
31:23about it is I think that I was given
31:24this this need for achievement to
31:27realize that it doesn't change anything
31:29because
31:31the path of wanting to achieve and doing
31:34it through business and doing it through
31:35growing and all that stuff has actually
31:38lit up inside of me um a spiritual
31:42journey
31:43that wouldn't have been there had I not
31:45wanted to go for those things.
31:46Yeah, absolutely. I heard this uh
31:49you reminded me of
31:51this story that's told about Benjamin
31:53Franklin. And Benjamin Franklin had 13
31:56virtues. And these were all qualities
31:58that he aspired to develop in his life.
32:02Simplicity, authenticity, patience,
32:04things like that.
32:05And when he was on his deathbed, they
32:07asked him which one he didn't
32:09accomplish. Mhm. And he said it was the
32:1113th one. And they said, "What was
32:13that?" And he said, "Humility."
32:14Mhm. And I love that because I think
32:17what you're saying is humility doesn't
32:19mean you're meek or weak. It means I'm
32:22able to accept there's always more to
32:23learn.
32:25I don't know everything and it's okay.
32:28I'm going to give myself grace for it,
32:29too. It isn't a feeling of I'm useless
32:32because I don't know. It's actually I'll
32:34become more useful if I recognize there
32:36are things that I still have to learn.
32:38And and when I'm listening to you about
32:40your spiritual journey and that silence,
32:42I'm intrigued by that. Walk us through
32:44how you
32:47fill that void almost
32:51practice-wise
32:53because I I identify with that fully and
32:54it's funny because we always talked
32:55about how our lives were kind of
32:56opposite.
32:57Yeah. Cuz when I met you, I'd kind of
32:59gone down this deep spiritual path
33:00Right. but I had no money. Yeah.
33:03And you were in the other boat where you
33:04had this you had sustained yourself
33:06financially and created a really good
33:08stable place for yourself but you were
33:09seeking spiritually and so we're kind of
33:11a
33:11Right. Right? We had that conversation
33:13if I'm not Yeah. And let's talk about
33:14that, too, but I'm intrigued as to how
33:16does that couple of hours or whatever
33:17that time on your porch, like how do you
33:19do that for people because I think
33:22we we like the sound of that but then we
33:24get distracted by the next thing.
33:25What I've come to find and I can speak
33:27within myself and this is what I've seen
33:28from other people. But what I've seen
33:30within myself is that I've learned a lot
33:33of lessons from my dad.
33:34Um most of them after his death and me
33:37processing things. My father was the way
33:40that he was and he became an alcoholic
33:42because he had things in his past that
33:44he hadn't worked through. And the thing
33:46that that he hadn't worked through is
33:48when he was 12 years old, my father
33:50heard a gunshot, he walked into the room
33:52and his dad had just shot himself in the
33:54mouth with the shotgun. And so my dad
33:56grew up in rural Tennessee. This is 19,
33:59you know, '60s when this happened. 19
34:01Yeah, 1960s when this happened. There
34:02wasn't a whole lot for him to understand
34:04it. There weren't podcasts. There
34:05weren't books to read like we have
34:07nowadays.
34:08And so I I always consciously knew
34:12that the what was happening was that he
34:14had not healed his pain. And Gabor Maté
34:17says, "Don't ask why the trauma, ask why
34:18the pain."
34:19And when I first heard Gabor Maté, I was
34:21like, "Oh my god, someone's finally
34:23saying what I always thought with my
34:24father."
34:26And so, you know, we can look at him and
34:27say, "Oh yeah, he's an alcoholic and he
34:29didn't overcome his trauma."
34:30The trauma, the way it came up in my
34:32life is I became a workaholic. And so, I
34:35didn't You know, sometimes we could see
34:37someone and say, "Oh, they drink too
34:38much alcohol. They do too much drugs.
34:40They eat too much food." They And we can
34:41say, "Oh, yeah, that's
34:43That's their their addiction."
34:45The problem and the hard thing in our
34:47society is that my addiction of
34:49workaholic is rewarded. And people look
34:52up to it. They're like, "You're doing so
34:54great. You're making so much money. All
34:55of this is so good." And what I came to
34:57find is that my workaholism was just
35:00basically me trying to not feel my
35:03feelings and to to not work through and
35:05process those things. Um you know, like
35:08scrolling on social media could be that
35:09way for somebody. It could be Um some
35:12people are addicted to working out. Some
35:13people are addicted to, you know,
35:14watching TV. And And there's so many
35:16Some people are addicted to shopping.
35:17There's so many different addictions
35:18that we have. And what I found is that
35:21the hardest thing for me
35:23was to stop.
35:26And to just not have to I was always
35:28trying to fill every single moment of my
35:29day. I always tried to be so busy. When
35:31I didn't have something to do, I'd find
35:33something to do in my business.
35:34Businesses, you can always work all day,
35:36every day.
35:37And so, what I've tried to do and I've
35:38I've built in my business is a lot of
35:40systems and processes through my My VP
35:43of operations has really helped me with
35:44this a ton to be able to take a lot of
35:46stuff off my plate so that I have more
35:48time to just be. It's my personal belief
35:52uh that I think that God, the universe,
35:54life, whatever it is, speaks in silence.
35:57And so, if I want those messages, I need
35:58to be silent. What I found for myself is
36:00when I would be silent, a lot of anxiety
36:02would come up. And it'd be, "You got to
36:04go to the next thing. You got to go to
36:05the next thing. Dude, this is stupid.
36:06You should be doing something else."
36:08And then I just realized that what I was
36:09trying to do was achieve to fill a void.
36:11But I could sit here
36:13and there's been moments where I'll sit
36:15on my porch and I'll literally just
36:17start crying.
36:19And I'm like, sometimes it's gratitude.
36:21Oh my god, I can't believe I've been
36:22given this life. I can't believe I've
36:23had these challenges. I can't believe
36:25that I've had this come up, but I'm so
36:27grateful for every single aspect of it.
36:29And sometimes I just sit there and tear
36:30up and I'm like, I don't know what this
36:32is, but this is something my body's
36:34releasing. And I need to be okay with
36:36this releasing process. Um, you know,
36:38there's a there's a really interesting
36:39thing that that people could look at.
36:41There's two videos that are really
36:42interesting on um on YouTube. One of
36:44them is called uh polar bear trauma
36:47where they show a video of a polar bear
36:48and they they shoot it with a
36:49tranquilizer gun from a a helicopter.
36:52They chase it down the helicopter,
36:53really heightened experience. They shoot
36:54it with tranquilizer gun, so it's still
36:56awake, but it's not, you know,
36:58completely out. And it starts having a
36:59convulsion, starts seizing. And
37:02eventually after it seizes, it's what
37:03it's doing is it's releasing all of the
37:05cortisol, all of the adrenaline from its
37:06body so that there's no trauma that
37:08comes with it.
37:10And so then it goes after it's shaken
37:11for a while,
37:13takes a really deep breath and it just
37:15kind of calms down.
37:16Almost identical video of a impala that
37:19gets attacked by a jaguar and the jaguar
37:21gets scared off. It starts to convulse,
37:24takes a deep breath, and then it moves
37:26it. And we're taught in our lives at
37:28some point in time not to remove this
37:31and to work through these traumas and
37:32these feelings. I think children
37:34naturally do it through like temper
37:35tantrums. They move it, and sometimes as
37:37adults, we either need to have like an
37:39adult temper tantrum in safety
37:41uh where you just take a pillow and you
37:43can be angry, you can be mad, you can
37:44just scream, you can cuss, you can smash
37:47it against the bed, whatever it is in in
37:49safety, by yourself without other people
37:51around so you don't scare them as well.
37:53And then sometimes it's also just like
37:54sitting there in silence and and
37:56realizing that what is coming is going.
37:58What's It's like when you squeeze an
37:59orange, what's inside of it? Orange
38:00juice, cuz that's what's in it, right?
38:02When you sit there and you put pressure
38:03on yourself or you give yourself space,
38:05what's coming out is actually what's
38:06inside, and your body's natural
38:08intelligence is trying to let go of it.
38:10And so for me, that's what I found is
38:12that there's some moments where I'm just
38:13like incredibly grateful. There's some
38:15moments where I'm I
38:16by doing nothing, Jay, I get so much
38:18anxiety. And I'm like, what is this?
38:20Why? And instead of running from it, I'm
38:23I get curious. And I think if we could
38:25just get more curious,
38:26um like I I've been reading a whole lot
38:28of Krishnamurti recently. I love
38:31Krishnamurti. And one says he one thing
38:33he says is is don't know yourself cuz
38:35knowing is based in the past and past is
38:37based off of memories. Start learning
38:39yourself, which is in the present
38:40moment. So be present and be like, what
38:42comes up? How can I be curious about
38:44this anxious feeling or these tears or
38:45whatever it is and and just be
38:48be in the space to just know yourself or
38:50get to know yourself a little bit
38:51better. Yeah, it's so great. I mean
38:53talking about that, that
38:55goes to me back to what we were talking
38:56about at the start of it. You were
38:58saying how
39:00this idea of
39:01well, what if the worst thing happens?
39:02What if the best thing happens? And we
39:03were talking about this idea of Jim
39:04Carrey and you were saying that there's
39:06this experience of well, I lost who Jim
39:09Carrey was.
39:10And what we've both talked about is we
39:13are so much of what our thoughts are.
39:15And therefore, if you change the
39:16thoughts completely, you're almost a
39:18completely different human.
39:19Sure. So then, who are we? Right? Comes
39:21back to this know thyself versus
39:23learning of thyself. Like, what has that
39:25spiritual journey taken you on to
39:27understanding identity?
39:29I mean, God, Jay. That's as deep as it
39:32can get.
39:32Um that that I'm just uh I am just a
39:36soul that that chose this life. And um
39:39one of the things that I like to do is I
39:40like to think that I I chose this life
39:42and and um
39:44that immediately
39:46takes me from being a victim in my life
39:48of woe is me, my father was this way, he
39:51did this to me, my mom did this to me,
39:52and my teachers acted this way, versus
39:55me going like, I think my soul chose
39:57this life because this is whatever is
40:00needed for this path that it's on for,
40:03you know, whether it's reincarnation or
40:04whether it's heaven or hell or whatever
40:06it is that comes after this, I don't
40:07know, but I do know like right now I do
40:09have this life as Rob Dial.
40:11And as I get older, the thing I realize
40:13is that my body changes. I'm not as fast
40:16as I used to be. I'm a lot more sore
40:17than I used to be. Like my body's
40:19changing, but my soul is this thing that
40:21is just always there. And so the thing
40:24that I've that I've come to realize is
40:25that I want to
40:28I don't know if it's going to sound
40:29weird, like I want to unattach myself
40:31from this body, from everything around
40:33me, and I want to try to connect back to
40:35what's internally inside of me. And the
40:38one thing that I find is that that never
40:40changes. Like that there's like a
40:43a truth that's behind that and truth is
40:45the thing that that never changes. If
40:47something changes or if something can be
40:48questioned, it's not true. But there's
40:50this feeling that feels like truth
40:52inside of me at least and everybody has
40:54their own truth. But for me, my truth is
40:57there's something that's behind all of
40:58it.
40:59And the more that I connect to it, the
41:01more peace that I have. Like I listen to
41:04a lot of Ram Dass and one of the things
41:06that he said I was I was listening to
41:08him on the drive over here and and I
41:09listen to his meditation every day is
41:11the only work that you have to do is the
41:14connection to your own heart.
41:17And so I'm always constantly thinking,
41:18what's in the way of my own heart? What
41:21what material possessions, what things
41:23that I want to to get are in the way of
41:25that? And the reason why I think that it
41:26helps is number one, I've I've had so
41:28much more peace from trying to connect
41:31to that. And my relationship with my
41:34wife has been so much better because of
41:36it cuz I'm not blocking her from letting
41:38her in. She's experiencing me fully.
41:41She's she starts to be able to open up
41:43even more in different ways. I'll be
41:45able to experience her more fully. And
41:47so for me, it's just like connecting to
41:49the thing that's behind it that feels
41:50like the only thing that's truth. Now,
41:52mind you, if if Rob 15 years ago had
41:55heard this, he'd be like, what the hell
41:57is that guy talking about? It would make
41:58no sense. But on this journey, I've just
42:01I've just kind of realized that there's
42:02something behind it all.
42:04And I want to try to connect to that
42:05something behind it all and see what it
42:06is. And so for me, it's like I I I like
42:09to use myself as a guinea pig.
42:10Everything I teach in the Mindset Mentor
42:12in the podcast is all stuff that I'm
42:13trying within myself. And I I use it as
42:16almost my own therapy sessions where I'm
42:17talking to everybody, but I'm talking to
42:18myself. I'm reminding myself of all
42:20these things. And um what I realized is
42:23I I realized that after 15 19 years of
42:26personal development, it's like, you
42:28know, personal development's like this
42:30this this cup right here. And I feel
42:31like my cup in personal development was
42:33overflowing. And then I found spiritual
42:35development and I realized, "Oh my god,
42:37it's a lot bigger cup." And it's not
42:39even close to being full. Like, it's a
42:40bucket. And it needs it it's my next
42:42thing that I'm working on. So, for me
42:44it's like the mindset, the working
42:46through, like I'm constantly working on
42:47those and trying to get better. But for
42:48me it's like, I want to connect to
42:49myself and see what else is in there.
42:51Mhm. Yeah, for sure. Thank you for
42:53sharing that. I mean,
42:54you made me remember a C.S. Lewis
42:58statement that says, "You don't have a
43:00soul, you are the soul and you have a
43:02body."
43:03Yeah. And I remember I used to have that
43:05written on a little posted note and I
43:07used to look at it every day first thing
43:09in the morning. Because I was thinking
43:11about this concept of identity that
43:14the first thing 99% of us do when we
43:16wake up first thing in the morning is we
43:18look in the mirror. Mhm. Usually we say
43:21something like, "Ugh, I look tired." Or
43:24"I don't like that spot." Or
43:26"God, I put on weight." God, whatever it
43:28is, right? Now all of a sudden we're
43:30already in the bodily concept of life,
43:33this bodily consciousness. And now you
43:35live your whole day
43:37thinking about the body. What does the
43:38body need? The body needs food, etc. And
43:41so And that's natural, like that's not
43:43unnatural, that's normal. Like, I do
43:45that, too.
43:47But then you're saying that at the same
43:48time you've got to nurture and nourish
43:51and connect with this deeper sense. How
43:54do you balance the two in a real world
43:57where you have responsibilities, you
43:58have bills, you have things to do that
44:00are connected to the body, but then at
44:03the same time we're like, "But you're
44:04not this body." So, how how do you
44:05balance? How do you make sense of these
44:07two seemingly opposite pursuits?
44:09Yeah, I mean, I'm the the thing that I
44:11that I think I would have thought 5 or
44:1310 years ago was that the more that I
44:16get into spiritual development, the less
44:17motivated I'll become or the less the
44:19less I will want to achieve. That hasn't
44:22gone away any sort of way.
44:24But what I have found is that I achieve
44:27through a place of
44:29of
44:31It's more like I'm not white-knuckling
44:33my way through life anymore. I'm not I
44:35can take action and not be so wrapped up
44:37in my fears and my limiting beliefs. And
44:40so it's not like you I'm I'm in the
44:42world and and of the world at the same
44:44time where it's like the soul is here
44:46and I get
44:47as I'm speaking to you, everything that
44:48I say is also something that I struggle
44:50with every single day. I have not
44:51mastered this process. There'll be times
44:53where I find myself just so in the world
44:56and I'm just like stressed, there's
44:58things happening, there's this business
44:59where there's all of this, you know,
45:00we've got employees, we're hiring
45:01people, there's stuff happening.
45:04And then I just take a step back and I'm
45:05like
45:07It's just a It's just like a kind of
45:08like a game. Like take a second. Like
45:10that's it's all real. That's it's I'm
45:12not saying that's it's not true, it's
45:13not reality, it's not in front of you.
45:15It's all there.
45:17But behind it all, if I can connect to
45:19like a deeper sense that's within me and
45:21and the the soul that I feel is in
45:23there,
45:24I'm like, "Hey, man,
45:26chill out for a second. Like it's really
45:27not that big of a deal, right? Most
45:30things, you know, there are there are
45:31definitely some things that are big
45:32deals in people's lives and there's
45:33deaths and there's there's
45:35um things that people have to, you know,
45:37be in control of and be able to pay
45:38bills and all that stuff. All those are
45:40real and they're definitely necessary.
45:42But behind it all,
45:43you're still there. Yeah. And there's
45:45this thing that if I can take myself
45:48back and kind of like out of my own head
45:50and kind of into my heart, which has
45:52been a big journey for me because I was
45:54I'm so analytical and was never really
45:56taught like feelings and how to feel and
45:58process emotions. But if I can take
45:59myself out of my head and into my heart,
46:01what I've always found is that my head
46:03is always projecting itself into the
46:05future or sometimes projecting itself
46:07into the past. But, most for me, like if
46:09I sit down and meditate sometimes, it's
46:10like all of my to-do list, all of the
46:12things that I have to do, and it's
46:13projecting itself into the future.
46:16So, my brain is always somewhere else.
46:18My body, it's always here.
46:20And so, when I notice myself get
46:21stressed, I notice myself get anxious, I
46:23notice myself, whatever feelings I might
46:25be feeling,
46:26if I can take a couple deep breaths and
46:28kind of get back into my body, I'm like,
46:30"It's not that bad." Like, you'll fit
46:32you you have overcome so many things in
46:34your life. You'll figure out a way to
46:36get through it. And so, what I've found
46:37is that it's not that I don't take the
46:39action. It's not that I'm not um wanting
46:41to achieve more and more things and be
46:43able to have more fun and have more do
46:45all of this stuff in the external world,
46:47but when I find myself kind of take a
46:48step back and kind of be in my heart, is
46:51it makes it a lot easier where I'm not
46:53like white-knuckling and forcing my way
46:55through life. It's almost like I'm
46:56allowing life to happen through me. And
47:00I don't know how it works, and I don't
47:02pretend to be smart enough, but things
47:04start happening around me that help me
47:06in the process of getting toward the
47:09wherever it is that I actually want to
47:11truly go. Yeah, it's
47:13there's this really interesting thing in
47:15Eastern traditions. There's this
47:16obviously this idea of
47:18oneness and that everything's one.
47:21And then there's this idea of duality
47:23that there's this side and then there's
47:26this side.
47:27And one teaching that I've really
47:30connected with is this idea idea of
47:33simultaneously one and different. Mhm.
47:36And it sounds complex, but it's actually
47:38not. It's this idea that
47:41this feels real and and it can be real
47:43and it is real, and at the same time
47:44there is a greater reality. So, rather
47:46than this feeling of everything's one,
47:47everything's the same, or it's
47:50disconnected, there's real and fake,
47:52it's actually this idea that a lot of
47:53things are real, but they're not the
47:54full picture. So, the idea that today in
47:56LA, it's like saying the weather's rainy
47:59and cloudy, but that's not the weather
48:01everywhere. So, it's my current reality,
48:04but it's not reality across the whole
48:06world. And when you start looking at
48:09life in that way of there's this reality
48:11and then there's this bigger reality, I
48:13think that's that zoom out. That's that
48:15let me take a breath. That's that let
48:17let me look at the inner world as well.
48:19And I think what it does is it gives you
48:22a certain grace and it gives you a
48:23certain
48:25detachment, disconnection, but also a
48:28recognition of the significance of what
48:30you do and the insignificance of it.
48:33And both are so needed. Like I believe
48:35what I do is significant and at the same
48:37time it's totally insignificant.
48:39You won't We won't be remembered in a
48:40thousand years.
48:41And it's so okay. Yeah. And but we take
48:44it so seriously and if you only do one
48:46or the other, like if I only see my life
48:48as extremely significant, everything's
48:50too high pressure. Oh my gosh, I would I
48:52would it would hurt me. And it would
48:55cause me pain if I thought everything I
48:57did was of utmost significance.
48:59And if I thought my life was
49:00insignificant, if I thought my life was
49:02irrelevant, that would be really bad for
49:04my self-esteem. Why do anything? I won't
49:06be able to function.
49:06Right. And so I think it's really
49:08interesting because the more and more
49:10I'm learning, I'm like I have to learn
49:11how to hold these two seemingly opposite
49:14things, but actually they're so
49:16connected and symbiotic and they're so
49:18synchronous
49:19because they both have value. Going back
49:21to which thought has value,
49:25the the collective thought of my life is
49:27significant and insignificant is the
49:29most helpful thought because thinking
49:32I'm significant and insignificant both
49:33unhelpful thoughts. Oh my god, that's
49:35you actually just summarized perfectly
49:37what I feel like actually has been going
49:38through my head for years, which is
49:40what I do, I do believe is so important.
49:44And at the same time, I'm like none of
49:47it matters. Right? It's it's this weird
49:48duality that we live in.
49:50But it's so freeing because it it takes
49:52so much pressure off where it just
49:54becomes like fun. Like it's it's how can
49:57I bring more fun into life? Like when
49:59did we lose the the joy of life and the
50:02fun of life that we had as children?
50:03When was it programmed out of us and how
50:05can I connect to that child and bring
50:07that spirit back in and be like, "Yeah,
50:09I'm going to do some amazing things in
50:10the world, but without it being
50:12stressful, with just with it being fun
50:14and with it being something that I can
50:16do and it and it effortlessly flows out
50:18of me." Like I believe that every single
50:21person is incredibly creative and we are
50:24we are creators at the actual core of
50:27us. And a lot of us have lost it and I
50:29lost it for years. And so what I think
50:31is how can I make the creativity flow
50:34out of me in some sort of way and just
50:36allow the space for it to happen. And
50:38one of the things that happens and it's
50:40not necessarily my
50:42my goal of it, but when I sit in
50:43silence, I get ideas that come through
50:46and I'm like, "Oh man, I don't know how
50:48I didn't see this." And that's where
50:49they all are. So it's like a lot of
50:50times we're trying to force things to
50:52happen, we're trying to force
50:53creativity, trying to force ideas, but
50:54sometimes when I get there I'm like,
50:56"Oh man, yeah, this is the thing I've
50:58been searching for." And it's just I
51:00think every person needs to give
51:01themselves just a little bit more space
51:03to not be on their phone, to not be
51:05constantly, you know, and I a lot of
51:07people have children, their their
51:08children are up. Can you wake up a
51:10little bit earlier, not be on your phone
51:11and just sit in silence and see what
51:13comes up. And and I think that it's
51:15really important for people because um
51:18what you'll notice is exactly what
51:20you're saying, which is what we do. Like
51:21this life is so important, but it is
51:24very insignificant and that's okay.
51:25There's nothing wrong with that. Like
51:27I've I love watching videos on YouTube
51:29about how small the earth is compared to
51:31the rest of the universe and it stresses
51:33my wife out. She's like, "I'm going to
51:34have a panic attack." Why why do you
51:36watch this? Because I was like, "I like
51:38to remind myself
51:39that even though it's all happening and
51:41I'm in it, none of it actually truly
51:43matters." And that's okay. Absolutely.
51:46And I think when I'm listening to you,
51:47there's this feeling that you know, I
51:50feel like I agree with you. I think
51:52everyone is a creator. I do believe that
51:54creativity flows when we connect with
51:55that, but I think sometimes we feel so
51:57distracted from it.
51:59Yeah. And it's so much easier to pull
52:01out our phone. It's so much easier to
52:02put on a show in the background. It's so
52:04much easier to do all of these It's so
52:06much easier to do all those things at
52:07the same time.
52:08Yeah. Like now we're no longer ever with
52:11one person. We're with one person, we're
52:13both on our phones, and we're watching a
52:15show at the same time, and we got our
52:18laptops doing work. So, you've literally
52:19got three screens in front of you, five
52:22screens in total, and there's this so
52:26much distraction, right? We know that.
52:28How does a person possibly, and I say
52:30this out of like compassion and empathy,
52:32because it's like it requires so much
52:34from us.
52:35Right.
52:35Because everything around us is built
52:37for distraction. The foods we're eating,
52:40the the things we drink and consume, the
52:42the stuff that's created around us, it's
52:44all to distract.
52:45Yeah. So, you're fighting like almost
52:47what feels to a lot of people like a
52:49losing battle.
52:50Right. What do you do to get pick
52:51yourself back up? I mean, what's more
52:53what's what's more important than that?
52:56You know, like what's more important
52:57than connecting to your true self, to
52:59working on yourself? Like I
53:01Why do I Like why am I so hardcore on
53:04mindset? Cuz I know how many people are
53:05so wrapped up in my in their mindset and
53:07their thoughts and their beliefs and
53:09their patterns that they're stuck in.
53:11And what ultimately we all want, I
53:13think, is is freedom. And the way to get
53:16through to that freedom is to work on
53:18yourself. Whatever that looks like for
53:19whatever stage someone is in. You know,
53:21and and I can have uh empathy for every
53:25person at every stage, cuz I've been
53:26through so many stages of of my process.
53:29And um I think that it comes back to
53:31like, why are you doing it? What do you
53:33want If if you're trying to disconnect
53:36from your phone, why? You know, like for
53:38me, like I I recently deleted Instagram
53:41from my phone. I did it last year for a
53:43month, felt like it was amazing. The
53:45book came out and I was like, I got to
53:46get back on. I got to promote. I got to
53:48make sure things are good. I recently
53:49just deleted it again. And now
53:51everything that that I post, everything
53:53flows through my team. So I'm it's not
53:54like it's just gone. It's just now I
53:56just happen to to flow through
53:57everything flows through my team.
54:00Why did I do that though? Was because I
54:02don't want to live my life on that
54:05phone. And the one thing that I noticed
54:07is that Instagram was one of the things
54:09where I would pick it up and I would
54:11just somehow get to it. And I wasn't
54:14even thinking about getting to it.
54:16And I was like, my life is not this
54:18little tiny thing. My life is everything
54:20that's out here. And so why do I want to
54:23get Why did I delete it? Was because I
54:25actually want to be in everything. I
54:27want to be present with my wife. When we
54:29have children, I want to be present with
54:31our children. I want to be the most
54:33present version of myself as I possibly
54:35can. And I can't imagine that I'll get
54:37to the end of my life, be 100 years old
54:39and be like, I wish I would have spent
54:40more time on Instagram.
54:42I wish I would have spent more time
54:43watching Netflix. You know, I and I have
54:45I've I've been addicted to all of those
54:47things. I'm not you know, uh above any
54:50of this stuff. But I started looking at
54:51myself and saying like, is this helping
54:53me get to where I want to be in life? Is
54:54it creating more peace in my life? For
54:56me it was creating way more stress. It
54:58was perpetuating these feelings that I'm
54:59trying to let go of and try trying to
55:01work with. And so for me, I think what's
55:03important to people is like, if you want
55:05to make a change, why do you want to
55:06make the change? And for me,
55:09looking at a screen is not as important
55:11as actually physically being in front of
55:13my wife and giving her what she actually
55:15truly deserves, which is 100% of my
55:18attention. Cuz there's been times where
55:19I've not given her 100% of my attention.
55:22And as I as we start to have kids and
55:24stuff, I don't want to be a distracted
55:26parent. I want to be with them. I don't
55:28I'll I'll never sit there and go, well,
55:30when my kids were kids, my kids were
55:31children, like, I wish I would have
55:33spent more time on Instagram. I wish I
55:34would have spent more time watching
55:35Netflix.
55:37I just think it for me like the the the
55:39level of the the place I'm at in my life
55:41is I want to be as present as possible
55:43because
55:44I've worked for things I've climbed
55:46ladders I've gotten to different places
55:47I've realized none of those things
55:48fulfilled me any sort of way. And this
55:50journey I've been on in the past, you
55:52know,
55:5310 years, 7 years ago when we started
55:55talking about the Bhagavad Gita and I
55:56started meditating a whole lot more and
55:58getting into it as I realized, oh these
56:00things are bringing me peace. And the
56:02more peaceful I feel the more that it
56:05becomes easy to actually achieve and
56:07create the stuff that I want to in life.
56:08And so for me
56:10the presence and the peace at this point
56:12in my life, things might change. I don't
56:13know what it's going to be in 5 years,
56:15are actually the things that are the
56:16most important to me. Yeah, it's so
56:17interesting. I think we feel like being
56:19anxious and being
56:21you know, kind of like busy and stuff
56:23will actually create the most
56:24effectiveness. But what you just said
56:27this idea of if you start from a place
56:28of peace and I think about that I
56:30completely agree with that. If you walk
56:31into something with stillness
56:33it gives you clarity, it gives you
56:36perspective, you can zoom out, you can
56:38zoom in. If you're buzzing around and
56:39moving around, you lose all of that.
56:41It's all blurry and fuzzy.
56:43And I want to ask you, what's
56:46what's
56:48a lesson you wish you learned earlier in
56:50life?
56:52I think it's that what you're searching
56:54for externally you're actually searching
56:56for yourself.
56:58Um I think that's become very apparent
57:00to me in the past few years is is I was
57:01always looking for somebody to give me
57:04love, somebody to give me acceptance, to
57:06achieve so that I could be accepted. And
57:09what I actually truly think is what I
57:12was searching for from everyone else is
57:13what I was searching for from myself. So
57:15a lot of people that are like I I I a
57:17lot of people I know are people
57:19pleasers. They come to me, "Rob, I'm a
57:20people pleaser." And it's like they'll
57:22change themselves to try to get love and
57:24acceptance from somebody else.
57:26But that's just filling a you know, it's
57:28like a hungry ghost. It just
57:30the food just goes through the ghost. It
57:31doesn't go anywhere. And what we're
57:33actually searching for is what we're
57:34searching that that love and acceptance
57:36for ourself. And um
57:39one of the biggest things that I think
57:40I've learned in probably
57:42the past 2 years
57:44is I was always trying to grow and
57:47change myself because there were aspects
57:50of myself that I didn't like and I I I
57:52resented. And what I've changed it to in
57:55the past couple years is I'm going to
57:58love every aspect of myself. So there's
58:00some parts of Rob that are beautiful,
58:02that are amazing, that love people, that
58:05want to connect. There's there's some
58:07great parts of Rob. There's some parts
58:08of Rob also that are very selfish, that
58:10are very judgmental, that are um
58:13a little bit short, not as present as he
58:16should be.
58:17Instead of trying to change those and
58:19hate those, I've actually just tried to
58:21love them and realize that the selfish
58:24Rob that exists was some sort of thing
58:27that he that was a
58:29part of past conditioning that came up
58:31from needing to be selfish as a child
58:33for whatever it might have been,
58:35whatever reasons it might have been. And
58:37I can love that side of me. What I
58:38realized is that if I try to change it,
58:41it gets stronger.
58:43If I love it and I accept it, it kind of
58:46chills out. And it doesn't disappear.
58:48Like I'm not like, yeah, these parts of
58:49me don't exist. It's me looking like
58:52internal family systems is a is a
58:54therapy where you look at all parts of
58:56you and who you are and you try to
58:58figure out a way to understand how the
59:00entire orchestra works together. You
59:02know, when I was when I was writing my
59:03book
59:05I was sitting there and I was I was
59:06going so hardcore. Like you and I come
59:09from the world of creating viral videos.
59:12I would spend so much time on every
59:15single line to make sure it was perfect,
59:17right? Cuz I wanted to make sure like
59:18I've only got 30 seconds or a minute to
59:20get the the message to be as clear and
59:22concise as possible. Let me try to make
59:23it as perfect as possible. And And to do
59:25a lot of poetry and I do a lot of song
59:26writing when I was younger. So, I was
59:27used to making every line as potent as I
59:29could. As I was writing this book, I was
59:31like 16 rounds of edits in, editing
59:34every single piece of it. And there was
59:35a part of me that said it said, "Why are
59:37you doing this? Like, why are you doing
59:39this?"
59:40And I was like, "I want to write a book
59:42that helps people and changes people's
59:43lives. I want someone to not know what
59:44the Mindset Mentor podcast is, but they
59:46walk into a Barnes & Noble, they see
59:47this book, and they're like,
59:48'Interesting. Let me read it. Let me
59:49pick it up.'" And they read it, and it
59:51changes their life. And then I played
59:53devil's advocate, and I said "But you
59:55also want it to be successful, don't
59:56you? You also want it to be a New York
59:59Times best-seller. So, you can have a
1:00:01little badge to put on yourself and say
1:00:02New York Times best-seller. You want it
1:00:04to be this incredibly selling thing
1:00:06because you know if it takes off, you're
1:00:07going to make great money for a very
1:00:08long time if it's a perennial seller."
1:00:10And I thought to myself, "Okay, can I
1:00:13use that ego excite of me
1:00:16to actually help me create a better
1:00:17book?"
1:00:18And I could. And so, what I realized is
1:00:20instead of hating that aspect, it's like
1:00:21a tool in my tool belt. When I need to
1:00:23bring that side of me out, I can bring
1:00:25out side of that side of me out and say,
1:00:26"You know what? I'm going to create the
1:00:28best freaking book that I can, or the
1:00:29best podcast that I can, or the best
1:00:31reel that I can to try to impact
1:00:33people." And so, it's not about like
1:00:35trying to force change on myself, it's
1:00:38about loving every aspect of myself, the
1:00:41quote-unquote good and bad, even though
1:00:42there is no good or bad, but every
1:00:43aspect of Rob. And if I need to use it,
1:00:47I can bring it up and say, "Hey, Rob, I
1:00:49need this version of you right now, but
1:00:50I'm not going to fight it anymore."
1:00:52Yeah. Yeah, in the monastery we'd always
1:00:54talk about how the word is uh anartha,
1:00:56which means unwanted thing that seems
1:00:59unwanted actually needs to be engaged.
1:01:02Like, you need to engage it in the
1:01:03service of doing something higher really
1:01:05for it to be purified. Like, you can't
1:01:07just cut it out. You can't just get rid
1:01:08of it. You can't just hate it to go
1:01:10away. You can't just shame it away. You
1:01:13can't just guilt it away. It has to be
1:01:15engaged in a higher service, i.e.,
1:01:18impacting others, helping others,
1:01:20improving your own life, improving the
1:01:21lives of others. Because when it's
1:01:22engaged, then it becomes purified.
1:01:25Because if you just ignore it, it will
1:01:27just stay there. And if you try and push
1:01:29it away, it's going to push back and get
1:01:31stronger.
1:01:33But if you engage and go, "Yeah, you
1:01:34know what? I do have that in me, but I'm
1:01:36going to use that tendency to try and
1:01:38help this people help this person do
1:01:39this." That's the only way that it
1:01:41starts to be purified. And so, that that
1:01:44resonates very strongly. Great answer.
1:01:45The other one I wanted to ask you was,
1:01:47"What's the lesson you have to learn the
1:01:49hard way?"
1:01:51Yeah, I think the one that's been the
1:01:53most potent for a long time is you can't
1:01:55do it all on your own. Mhm. Um for me, I
1:01:59don't think I was able to trust people
1:02:00for a very long time.
1:02:02Um you know, I went to a therapist one
1:02:04time and he had said, "Yeah, you've been
1:02:05you've been neglected." And I was like,
1:02:07"No, I haven't been neglected. Like I I
1:02:09had food, water, shelter, clothing, all
1:02:11these things." And he's like, "No, you
1:02:11were emotionally neglected from your
1:02:13father."
1:02:14And and I was like, "Oh my god, I that
1:02:17really like rings true." But what
1:02:18happened was I had developed this
1:02:21feeling over my lifetime of I've got to
1:02:23do it alone. I can't trust anybody. No
1:02:25one else can do it for me. You know,
1:02:26like there were times when my dad would
1:02:28even though he's a and he was an amazing
1:02:30person. I always tell people like I was
1:02:31I'm so grateful that I had the father
1:02:32that I had. Um he was he never beat me,
1:02:36he never yelled at me, he never touched
1:02:38me inappropriately. He would just get
1:02:39drunk and fall asleep. And when he fell
1:02:41asleep, he'd forget about me in a lot of
1:02:42different ways, right? So, there was
1:02:44that neglect of like I might he would
1:02:45say, "Hey, I'm going to come pick you up
1:02:46and we're going to go fishing." Cuz I
1:02:48lived in Florida. And I you know, I'd
1:02:50sit on the front porch for an hour, 2
1:02:52hours with my fishing pole and he would
1:02:53just never show up, right? And so, there
1:02:55were there were aspects of that and I
1:02:56think somewhere along the line I
1:02:58developed this feeling of like no one's
1:03:00going to help me.
1:03:02I have to do it all on my own. Which
1:03:04there's a piece of that which there is
1:03:05some truth, right? Like I do have to
1:03:07sometimes step forward and be the person
1:03:09to do it.
1:03:10But for the longest time I never
1:03:12understood the phrase no man is an
1:03:13island. Cuz I was like, "I have done
1:03:16everything by myself." And then I
1:03:18started looking around me and I was
1:03:19like, no, I haven't. The universe has
1:03:21always been there giving me everything
1:03:23that I need and every person to help me
1:03:24in some sort of way and prove and get
1:03:26better.
1:03:27And, you know, as everything's grown,
1:03:29the podcast has grown, my my company has
1:03:31grown, all this stuff, we have 30 people
1:03:33on the team. Like, I can't do it on my
1:03:35own. I can't help people on my own the
1:03:38way that I I wish that I could. If I was
1:03:40I'm not 30 people. I don't have 30 days,
1:03:42you know, that they can get done in we
1:03:44can get done in one day that I could get
1:03:46done in an entire month. And so, what's
1:03:48been big for me is is
1:03:50trusting people
1:03:52to be able to help me.
1:03:54And to be able to ask for help. Whether
1:03:57that be in a business, but also like
1:03:59going to my wife and be like, "Hey, I'm
1:04:01really struggling right now. Like, can
1:04:02you just talk to me for a few minutes?"
1:04:04And knowing that she doesn't think like,
1:04:06"Oh, he's not man enough." Which is a
1:04:08you know, fear that I had. Like, "Oh, if
1:04:10I go to her with my problems, she's
1:04:11going to be like, he's not man enough."
1:04:13But for her to be like, "Yeah, let me
1:04:14hold space for you. Let's talk it out."
1:04:15And so, I think the biggest thing for me
1:04:16is like is learning
1:04:19that I can't do it all on my own. It's
1:04:21okay to It's actually strength to ask
1:04:23for help. It's strong to ask for help.
1:04:25And um
1:04:27and that I need to be better at at
1:04:28asking for help when I do need it. Mm.
1:04:30That's a great one. That's a great one.
1:04:31I can relate to it in so many ways and
1:04:34and yeah, it it strikes a chord for
1:04:36sure. And I think so many of us,
1:04:38you know, both of those questions, think
1:04:40about it, you know, what's taken
1:04:42what's the lesson you learned the hard
1:04:43way and what's the lesson you wished you
1:04:44learned earlier. Yeah. And write them
1:04:47down because
1:04:49you might forget it. Yeah. And and you
1:04:51kind of fall back in that cycle often.
1:04:53Rob, we end every On Purpose episode
1:04:55with a final five. Okay. These questions
1:04:57have to be answered in one word to one
1:04:59sentence maximum.
1:05:00god. Okay.
1:05:01And so, I'm so wordy. That's a that's a
1:05:03I'll do my best. Rob, these are your
1:05:05final five. The first question is, what
1:05:06is the best advice you've ever heard or
1:05:08received? I'll give you the I'll give
1:05:10you the sentence.
1:05:12And if you want me to explain it, I can,
1:05:13but everything is your fault. Yeah, you
1:05:15can explain it. Everything is your fault
1:05:17comes back to like you are the CEO of
1:05:19your life. I My very first mentor that I
1:05:21had I I paid $500 a month to have my
1:05:23first coach when I was 19, about to turn
1:05:2520. And we worked together for 2 years
1:05:28and we had some great calls. I don't
1:05:29remember any of them. I remember one.
1:05:32And what it was was I had made so many
1:05:34excuses as to why I was late to calls,
1:05:36why I didn't hit my assignments, why I
1:05:37didn't do what I needed to do.
1:05:39And he had this really tough
1:05:40conversation with me and he said, "Rob,
1:05:42if a business succeeds, whose fault is
1:05:43it?"
1:05:45And I was like, "I mean, what do you
1:05:46mean?" He's like, "If a business
1:05:47succeeds, all 1,000 employees move into
1:05:50the direction they they have a
1:05:51successful year, whose fault is it?"
1:05:52That the person who works there. I was
1:05:53like, "The CEO." He said, "If a business
1:05:55fails, whose fault is it?" I said, "The
1:05:57CEO." He said, "Rob, if you get to the
1:05:59end of your life and it's not what you
1:06:01wanted it to be and you didn't create
1:06:02the life that you wanted to, make the
1:06:03money that you wanted to, have the
1:06:04success, the love, the happiness, travel
1:06:06the places that you wanted to, whose
1:06:08fault would it be?" And I said, "It'd be
1:06:09my fault." And he said, "If you did
1:06:11create the life that you wanted to, had
1:06:12the love, the happiness, the abundance,
1:06:13everything that you wanted, whose fault
1:06:15would that be?"
1:06:16And I said, "It'd be my fault."
1:06:17And he said, "The problem with you is
1:06:19you're treating this treating this life
1:06:20as if you're the victim. And what you
1:06:22need to realize that everything that
1:06:23happens to you is your fault and that
1:06:25your life won't change until you decide
1:06:27that you want to be the CEO of your
1:06:28life." How do you know how that would
1:06:30have felt when you heard it at that
1:06:31point? Hurt? Yeah, exactly. With that
1:06:34mindset. Like and I think a lot of
1:06:35people today would
1:06:37find that offensive. They might get hurt
1:06:39by it. They might What How did you
1:06:41transfer that energy to be like, "No,
1:06:45this is actually helpful. It's not
1:06:46hurtful." Yeah, I mean,
1:06:49I was a little bit hurt, but there's I I
1:06:51felt truth.
1:06:53I felt like, "Yeah, he's right." Cuz in
1:06:55when I look at the path of where my life
1:06:57was going to go, had I continued to
1:06:59blame everybody else,
1:07:01it wasn't going to be good.
1:07:03But when I looked at people who who I
1:07:04knew who took full ownership of their
1:07:06life, One of my my uh probably my first
1:07:09mentor without even it being on purpose
1:07:11was my uncle Dan who was an incredibly
1:07:14successful guy,
1:07:15um
1:07:16had a bunch of success, but also was
1:07:18incredibly giving, always so loving.
1:07:20And he never blamed anybody else for
1:07:23when his business failed and he brought
1:07:25it back from from nothing and rebuilt
1:07:27it. He never blamed anybody else. He was
1:07:29always there for everyone else, but he
1:07:30always took everything
1:07:33as his responsibility.
1:07:35And you know, it's like
1:07:37not everything that's happened to you in
1:07:39your life is your fault, but whatever it
1:07:40is that you have it is your
1:07:41responsibility to work through. Will
1:07:43Smith also said this, right? Where it's
1:07:44like I it's not my fault that my father
1:07:46was an alcoholic, but it's my
1:07:48responsibility to do with what I do with
1:07:50it because it's the reality that I have.
1:07:52And I have to work through those things.
1:07:53And so for me it was like it rang really
1:07:55true where I was like he I was like,
1:07:56"Okay, it's right. And if my life is
1:07:58going to change, I have to be the person
1:08:00to change it." And that's when it like
1:08:01clicked for me. That conversation I
1:08:04could say is absolutely 100% the one
1:08:07conversation that changed my life
1:08:08completely. Mhm. Powerful.
1:08:11Uh second question, what is the worst
1:08:13advice you've ever heard or received?
1:08:15Fit in with everybody else. Mhm.
1:08:17Good.
1:08:18Uh question number three, what is your
1:08:20most repeated thought?
1:08:23As of recently
1:08:24is I'm proud of you. Mhm.
1:08:27I try to tell myself that every single
1:08:29day. My mom told me that a lot as a kid.
1:08:30I'm trying to repeat it to myself. Mhm.
1:08:33I love that. That's a great one.
1:08:35Uh question number four,
1:08:37the number one habit that changed your
1:08:39life.
1:08:40Like a daily habit, like something that
1:08:42you practice.
1:08:45Meditation and breath work. Mhm.
1:08:48Sp- finding space for myself.
1:08:50Love it. Uh fifth and final question, if
1:08:53you could create one law that everyone
1:08:55in the world had to follow, what would
1:08:57it be?
1:08:58All right, you take your time.
1:09:00Uh
1:09:01one law that everybody in the world has
1:09:03to follow
1:09:04to take 5 minutes every single day
1:09:08to practice self-awareness.
1:09:11I think that every problem in this world
1:09:13could be solved if people were more
1:09:15self-aware. I think that that all of our
1:09:17problems come from lack of
1:09:19self-awareness. And if people were more
1:09:21aware of our actions, you know, if
1:09:24politicians were more aware of their
1:09:25actions and how it's affecting the
1:09:27entire world, and if parents were aware
1:09:30of how their actions are affecting their
1:09:32children, and as you know, a son, if I'm
1:09:35aware of how my actions are
1:09:37uh, affecting my mom, my sister, my
1:09:39wife, everybody around me, if we could
1:09:41take 5 minutes to practice being more
1:09:43self-aware, I think that the entire
1:09:45world would be better.
1:09:46I love that. Rob Dial, everyone. The
1:09:48book is called Level Up. How to get
1:09:51focused, stop procrastinating, and
1:09:53upgrade your life. If you don't have a
1:09:54copy, go and grab it. Already, you'll be
1:09:56able to see my testimonial
1:09:58on it. You're the You're the top on
1:09:59there.
1:10:00Make sure you go and grab a copy, and
1:10:02tag me and Rob on Instagram, on X, on
1:10:06TikTok with what resonated with you,
1:10:07what connected with you. I love seeing,
1:10:10and I want Rob to see as well what
1:10:11you're practicing, what you're trying to
1:10:13put into action in your life, and I
1:10:15can't wait for you to level up. Rob,
1:10:16thank you again
1:10:17Thank you, man. uh, for coming on and
1:10:19opening your heart and being so
1:10:20vulnerable, and at the same time giving
1:10:22so many practical insights of how people
1:10:24can move from where they are to where
1:10:26they really want to be, and even deeper.
1:10:28So, thank you so much, man. I appreciate
1:10:30Yeah. Well, thank thank you, Jay. Like,
1:10:31I've I've known you for 7 years now, and
1:10:33you're an inspiration for like doing
1:10:35good in the world. And and I I can see
1:10:38that the actions that you take are from
1:10:40your heart and from a place of purpose,
1:10:41and it's inspiring for me to always see
1:10:42that. Thank you, man. I appreciate you.
1:10:44Of course. Thank you. If you loved this
1:10:46episode, you'll love my interview with
1:10:48Dr. Gabor Maté on understanding your
1:10:51trauma and how to heal emotional wounds
1:10:54to start moving on from the past.
1:10:57Everything in nature grows only where
1:10:58it's vulnerable. So, a tree doesn't grow
1:11:00where it's hard and thick, does it? It
1:11:02grows where it's soft and green and
1:11:04vulnerable.

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