You’re Not Lazy : How To Force Your Brain To Crave Doing Hard Things — Transcript

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1. 0:00I found myself struggling to stick with
2. 0:01the gym eat healthy or reduce my alcohol
3. 0:04consumption even though I know it's good
4. 0:05for me and probably what I'm supposed to
5. 0:08be doing for the last 5 to 6 years I
6. 0:11struggled with binge eating and body
7. 0:13dysmorphia quite a lot and no matter
8. 0:15what method I would give it a try having
9. 0:17a healthy relationship with my body and
10. 0:20with food seemed like impossible but
11. 0:22over the years I've learned that it's
12. 0:24not about lack of motivation or
13. 0:26willpower even though a lot of people
14. 0:28say that way it's about mastering a
15. 0:30skill we all can learn doing the hard
16. 0:32work without relying on motivation when
17. 0:34I started to dig deeper into how we can
18. 0:37control ourselves I've stumbled upon a
19. 0:39book called the marshmallow test it's
20. 0:41basically about a study where they gave
21. 0:43children a choice to either consume one
22. 0:45marshmallow immediately or wait and
23. 0:48receive two marshmallow later to measure
24. 0:51their ability to delay instant
25. 0:52gratification AKA doing the hard work I
26. 0:54probably would fail you might think that
27. 0:57the test was a simple psychological
28. 0:58experiment but in follow-up studies they
29. 1:00found that the children who managed to
30. 1:02wait longer were assessed as being more
31. 1:04successful in life so they were better
32. 1:06at focusing planning and also they
33. 1:08scored higher on their SATs and also
34. 1:10were better at maintaining personal
35. 1:12relationships they also scanned the
36. 1:14participants brains and they found that
37. 1:16those who excelled in the marshmallow
38. 1:18test so those who waited had much more
39. 1:20activation in their prefrontal cortex
40. 1:22the front part of their brain so what
41. 1:24does it mean how does the activation in
42. 1:26our prefrontal cortex relates to delink
43. 1:30gratification I know it sounds
44. 1:31complicated but let me explain our
45. 1:33self-control depends on two systems that
46. 1:35are functioning in our body one that
47. 1:36instantly reacts to our environment and
48. 1:38one that controls our Behavior our
49. 1:40emotions and basic biological needs are
50. 1:43regulated by our lmic system also called
51. 1:45the hot system so the hot system
52. 1:47immediately reacts to any arousing
53. 1:49stimuli so let's say when child sees a
54. 1:52marshmallow his hot system makes him
55. 1:54want to eat it right away instead of
56. 1:56patiently waiting for more on the other
57. 1:58hand we also have a cool system so it's
58. 2:01located in our prefrontal cortex so in
59. 2:03the front part of our brain and it's the
60. 2:05part of our brain that's responsible for
61. 2:07self-control now it start to make a lot
62. 2:08of sense the cool system is essential
63. 2:10for making decisions for planning or
64. 2:12anything you know making decisions and
65. 2:14planning ahead etc etc so when we need
66. 2:16to control ourselves our cool system is
67. 2:19active and people with ADHD like me has
68. 2:22lower activation in their prefrontal
69. 2:24cortex which means that their ability to
70. 2:27control themselves is L I don't know why
71. 2:30I'm so hyped up about it like it's like
72. 2:31one of the things that ruins my life but
73. 2:33anyway Although our hot system is
74. 2:34functional straight from birth the cool
75. 2:36system develops throughout childhood so
76. 2:39this is why it's much more difficult for
77. 2:42young children to resist any immediate
78. 2:44gratification so if you have a kid and
79. 2:45if they can't resist you anything don't
80. 2:47be mad at them okay they don't have the
81. 2:49cool system yet be patient as we get
82. 2:51older we gain more self-control so
83. 2:53everyone has the ability to improve
84. 2:55their self-control which is a good news
85. 2:57because our life experiences are
86. 2:58constantly remodeling who we are this
87. 3:00also means your self-control can also
88. 3:03decrease too so the Ling gratification
89. 3:05is one of the most important skills in
90. 3:06my life in my opinion if you want to
91. 3:08have a happy fulfilling life okay let me
92. 3:10explain why let's say you're super angry
93. 3:13like to someone you love and you want to
94. 3:14argue with them you want to shout at
95. 3:15them or something but instead of giving
96. 3:17into these immediate emotions you could
97. 3:19choose to use your communication skills
98. 3:21to find a constructive solution like you
99. 3:24can take a step back you can think about
100. 3:25the situation and rather than shouting
101. 3:27them you can come up with a resp
102. 3:29response that builds rather than breaks
103. 3:31I'm quite sure that you also had an
104. 3:33experience of saying things that you
105. 3:34regret while you were angry right I mean
106. 3:37I do but if we practice delayed
107. 3:38gratification we decrease the chance of
108. 3:40losing to our anger another example can
109. 3:43be binge watching Netflix or endly
110. 3:45scrolling through social media like
111. 3:47looking at Kardashians or something it's
112. 3:49easy it's comfortable but is it really
113. 3:51serving us no instead we could use our
114. 3:54time to gain skills or knowledge that
115. 3:56will advance our career and life turning
116. 3:58that time into a personal invest one of
117. 4:00my all-time favorite quotes goes we must
118. 4:02all suffer from one of two pains the
119. 4:05pain of discipline or the pain of regret
120. 4:07the difference is discipline weights
121. 4:09ounces while regret weights
122. 4:12tons isn't it cool so can delayed
123. 4:16gratification and self-control can be
124. 4:18learned if so how the great news is even
125. 4:21though some people have better impulse
126. 4:22control I don't it's proven that
127. 4:24delaying gratification is a learned
128. 4:26behavior a behavior that I couldn't
129. 4:27learn one of the ways to practice
130. 4:29delayed Gra navigation is creating if
131. 4:32then systems it's basically a way to
132. 4:34improve self-control by creating easy to
133. 4:37follow rules you make a rule where if
134. 4:39certain thing happens then you do a
135. 4:41specific action for example if I want to
136. 4:43binge watch Netflix shows I will do it
137. 4:46at the gym while walking on a treadmill
138. 4:48or let's say I feel like eating a
139. 4:50chocolate I will go to the supermarket
140. 4:51by walk and get one I want store it at
141. 4:54home I'm not saying that quit chocolate
142. 4:56but if you want to do that then you will
143. 4:58go to the supermarket so the first step
144. 4:59in creating an if then plan is to
145. 5:02identify the hot spots that trigger the
146. 5:04impulsive reactions you want to control
147. 5:05let's say you've been struggling to quit
148. 5:07drinking every night you can a rule if
149. 5:09you want to drink alcohol you will wait
150. 5:1115 minutes and then decide whether you
151. 5:13still want to want it the hard part is
152. 5:15identifying these impulsive reactions
153. 5:17can be quite difficult since most of us
154. 5:19live on autopilot like I don't even
155. 5:21remember what I did yesterday and one of
156. 5:23the practices I've been doing is jotting
157. 5:25down simply whenever I'm doing something
158. 5:27I shouldn't be doing for example I use
159. 5:28like my iPad menu quite often for that
160. 5:30or just simply writing on my journal or
161. 5:32just taking a note on my phone if I'm
162. 5:34doing something that I should have been
163. 5:35doing scrolling on social media I just
164. 5:37take a note saying that I'm scrolling on
165. 5:39social media even though I shouldn't be
166. 5:40doing it the more you write the more you
167. 5:42will realize on the areas you struggle
168. 5:44and it raises the awareness towards your
169. 5:45actions because then you will be able to
170. 5:47see how many times what kind of an
171. 5:49action you've been doing even though you
172. 5:51don't actually want it right like I've
173. 5:52seen myself writing so many times
174. 5:55scrolling on social media without any
175. 5:57purpose I have to mention another thing
176. 5:59that has been really helping me head
177. 6:01space okay so now I know what you're
178. 6:03thinking right oh here comes the
179. 6:04sponsored part secure the bag but the
180. 6:06truth is I genuinely believe in the
181. 6:08impact it has had on me because heads
182. 6:11space is an app that guides you through
183. 6:13mindfulness and meditation so if you
184. 6:15don't know meditation is clinically
185. 6:17proven that it helps with activating the
186. 6:19prefrontal cortex so the part that
187. 6:21controls our self-control and since I
188. 6:23have ADHD and my prefontal cortex is
189. 6:26quite weak actually doing meditation is
190. 6:27one of the things that is quite
191. 6:29recommended for people with ADHD to
192. 6:31strengthen that power and control ADHD
193. 6:34more it doesn't mean your ADHD goes goes
194. 6:37away if you meditate every single day
195. 6:39like for hours but it really helps with
196. 6:41it so like meditation helps me quite a
197. 6:43lot with understanding my impulses
198. 6:45better and it makes me more aware of my
199. 6:47actions which helps me to identify the
200. 6:49patterns that happens to me so that I
201. 6:51can create these if and systems to help
202. 6:54those preventing happening in the future
203. 6:56it's also like having a mindfulness
204. 6:57coach right like whatever that means and
205. 6:59meditation you know with heads space
206. 7:01helps you get on backtrack when your
207. 7:03mind starts to wander which happens to
208. 7:05me every single time even right now and
209. 7:07also it's not about doing it perfectly
210. 7:09everyone has their own preferred way of
211. 7:11meditating for example I meditate on bed
212. 7:13you know different routines frequencies
213. 7:15or types of content and that's the
214. 7:17beauty of it and you can find those on
215. 7:19heads
216. 7:20space so just taking a moment to make
217. 7:23sure you are
218. 7:25comfortable so headspace allows you to
219. 7:27personalize your mindfulness Journey so
220. 7:29if you have been wanting to try
221. 7:30meditation but not sure where to start
222. 7:32heads space is giving a 60-day free
223. 7:35trial no strings attached you can find
224. 7:37the link in description or scan the QR
225. 7:39code on screen if you haven't give
226. 7:40meditation a try I'm telling you you're
227. 7:42missing out because it's actually really
228. 7:44good so the great thing about the if
229. 7:45then system is eventually you won't need
230. 7:47those rules anymore because the behavior
231. 7:49will become a habit of yours and you
232. 7:51will do it automatically when we think
233. 7:53that way actually habits are quite scary
234. 7:55because once it's become a habit of
235. 7:57yours you don't even realize that you're
236. 7:59doing that thing so rather than like
237. 8:01going to downfall and down downward
238. 8:03spiral of bad habits we can use it to
239. 8:06create good habits so that we do things
240. 8:08that will be grateful in the future and
241. 8:10also if then plans work not only when
242. 8:12the signal comes from an outside let's
243. 8:13say like an alarm walking into bar but
244. 8:16also inside feelings like Cravings
245. 8:18boredom anxiety or anger this technique
246. 8:21helps make good habits automatic after a
247. 8:24while and for example brushing your
248. 8:26teeth is also an actual if then system
249. 8:28you know if I decide to sleep then I
250. 8:30will brush my teeth and I hope you're
251. 8:31doing that the same thing and eventually
252. 8:33you won't need those rules for yourself
253. 8:35anymore as the behavior will become
254. 8:37automatic like I don't even think I
255. 8:38don't even think about brushing my teeth
256. 8:40before I go to bed and another important
257. 8:42strategy is to identify when exactly you
258. 8:44need to exercise more self-control for
259. 8:46that you need to analyze yourself
260. 8:49whenever you're stressed for example you
261. 8:50might get more Angry so Analyze That
262. 8:53pattern and decide what you would do for
263. 8:55example whenever I'm stressed right like
264. 8:57whenever I have deadlines and projects
265. 8:58that I need need to make sure I get them
266. 9:01done on time I get really stressed and I
267. 9:03find myself drinking a lot of alcohol so
268. 9:05one of the if then plans that I made for
269. 9:07myself is to go to the gym whenever I'm
270. 9:10feeling stress and then drink if I want
271. 9:12to still drink after my gym session and
272. 9:15most of the time I realized that I
273. 9:17actually don't want to drink anymore
274. 9:18right like in my brain that was a kind
275. 9:20of like a coping mechanism for me but
276. 9:22because I created this if then system
277. 9:24whenever I'm now stressed then I go and
278. 9:27get a good workout session done and that
279. 9:29really helped me to practice delay
280. 9:31gratification because rather than
281. 9:33getting that dopamine Rush from an
282. 9:34alcohol now I get that dopamine from
283. 9:37working out and I practice the light
284. 9:39gratification and also working out helps
285. 9:41with developing your prefrontal cortex
286. 9:43too and let's say you eat a lot when
287. 9:45you're upset or stressed right in that
288. 9:47case you could make a plan if I feel
289. 9:48upset and I want to eat a lot then I
290. 9:51will make myself a cup of herb tea
291. 9:53Journal maybe some meditation and maybe
292. 9:57take a quick nap or go for a walk
293. 9:58identifying these are quite hard and
294. 10:00that's why most of us struggle in my
295. 10:01opinion and the more I delve into
296. 10:03self-improvement the more I realize The
297. 10:06Importance of Being mindful with
298. 10:07ourselves whether you pick meditating
299. 10:09journaling yoga or even going for a
300. 10:11silent Walk Alone the important point is
301. 10:13allowing yourself to fail and just
302. 10:15observe what's happening around you and
303. 10:17how you're reacting because changing is
304. 10:19difficult and it's also really painful
305. 10:22I'm sure you're experiencing a lot of
306. 10:23stress and there are a lot of issues in
307. 10:24your life that you need to figure out
308. 10:26but just don't forget to be kind
309. 10:28yourself because failure is a part of
310. 10:30Journey I forget to be kind to myself
311. 10:32too but we need to make sure to learn
312. 10:34from our mistakes and try to create if
313. 10:36then systems to prevent them from
314. 10:38happening it won't be easy for sure but
315. 10:41good things are never easy right I'm
316. 10:43here for you and I'm rooting for your
317. 10:45success see you soon