You Missed The Rarest Night in Comedy | Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Chuck Nice LIVE from NYCC — Transcript

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1. 0:03Hey, I'm Chuck Nice and I am the co-host
2. 0:06of Star Talk with Dr. Neil Degrass
3. 0:09Tyson. And tonight we are doing
4. 0:11something extremely special. On Star
5. 0:14Talk we do science and comedy. Tonight
6. 0:19we're doing comedy and science. The idea
7. 0:22for tonight is Neil Degrasse Tyson will
8. 0:26join me on stage and we will have jokes
9. 0:30and then Neil will break down the
10. 0:32science behind the jokes as opposed to
11. 0:35just the science of comedy. Because the
12. 0:38truth of the matter is you don't care
13. 0:40why you laugh, you just want to laugh.
14. 0:43So if something is funny, that's your
15. 0:46response. But what you'll also find out
16. 0:49is the science behind the joke itself.
17. 0:53And that's what makes this unique. What
18. 0:56is the purpose of tonight? Well, I have
19. 0:59a comedy special. It's called Chuck Nice
20. 1:02just smart enough. This has not been
21. 1:05done before. This is an astrophysicist
22. 1:09coming on stage with a comedian bringing
23. 1:12information, data, and science in a way
24. 1:16that is funny and informative and
25. 1:19lighthearted and fun. And quite frankly,
26. 1:24if you watch it, you'll see that none of
27. 1:26those descriptors are hyperbole. This is
28. 1:30exactly what we're doing. If you ever
29. 1:32hated school, if you ever hated science,
30. 1:34if you ever hated a teacher, this is the
31. 1:37show you need to watch to wipe away all
32. 1:40that ugliness and understand that
33. 1:44learning is amazing. Science is magic
34. 1:49and
35. 1:50I am really funny.
36. 1:53>> So, go ahead and watch.
37. 1:55>> Comedian is incredible. He's about to
38. 1:57debut a special on December 30th on Star
39. 2:00Talk's YouTube channel CALLED JUST SMART
40. 2:02ENOUGH. MAKE SOME NOISE. GET excited for
41. 2:05Chuck tonight.
42. 2:20Right on. Right on. Right on. What's up?
43. 2:22WHAT'S UP?
44. 2:25WHAT'S UP, NERDS?
45. 2:29>> [ __ ] right. I'm here with the nerds,
46. 2:30and I love it.
47. 2:32>> Uh, first of all, um, thank you for
48. 2:34coming out. Everybody, uh, who works
49. 2:37here was like, CHUCK, CONGRATULATIONS.
50. 2:406:00 SHOW SOLD OUT. I WAS LIKE, none of
51. 2:45these people are here to see me.
52. 2:50Hey, have you LOST YOUR [ __ ] MIND?
53. 2:53AIN'T NOBODY HERE.
54. 2:56>> Oh my god. Chuck Nice is at uh New York
55. 2:59Comedy Club like he is every weekend,
56. 3:02but this time at 6:00 on a Wednesday.
57. 3:07Sweetie, we have to go.
58. 3:14First of all, it's so great to see uh 6
59. 3:16o'clock on a Wednesday. All these people
60. 3:18out here in support of science. I know
61. 3:21every one of you here loves science.
62. 3:27Um,
63. 3:28what I also know is that you know about
64. 3:31the multiverse. And what a lot of people
65. 3:33don't know about the multiverse, it's
66. 3:34not a Rick and Morty thing. There's
67. 3:36actual math that supports the fact that
68. 3:39there is indeed a multiverse. There's
69. 3:43the same way that we know that E= MC²
70. 3:47because there's an equation and that as
71. 3:49you approach the speed of light that
72. 3:50your mass uh increases and if you go to
73. 3:53the speed of light itself your mass will
74. 3:55go to infinity because that's what the
75. 3:57math says. The math also says this ain't
76. 4:00THE ONLY UNIVERSE THAT there's a
77. 4:02multiverse. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT this
78. 4:04night is that in the multiverse THERE IS
79. 4:07A GATHERING JUST LIKE THIS. BUT WE ARE
80. 4:09ALL HERE TO TALK ABOUT ASTROLOGY,
81. 4:17INCLUDING NEIL DEGRASS TYSON,
82. 4:21which is awesome just to think of Neil
83. 4:23deGrasse Tyson like, I don't know,
84. 4:28Mercury is in retrograde.
85. 4:32This show might be [ __ ] up.
86. 4:38Now, let me just say this. Uh, I'm a
87. 4:40person of science. You all go, you guys
88. 4:42already know that. And as a person of
89. 4:44science, uh, whenever I have a public
90. 4:46forum, I like to make a little public
91. 4:47service announcement in service to
92. 4:50science. And that is this. Climate
93. 4:52change is real. Nobody gives a [ __ ] And
94. 4:54we're all going to die. Okay.
95. 4:57Thank you.
96. 4:58Thank you.
97. 5:01And now on to race.
98. 5:10It's so funny. You know, I make that as
99. 5:12a joke, but the truth of the matter is
100. 5:15um if we looked at race from a
101. 5:17scientific standpoint, we'd have a much
102. 5:20easier time of it, believe it or not,
103. 5:22because uh there is a scientific way to
104. 5:25look at race and that's how I look at
105. 5:27it. I do not look at it through the lens
106. 5:29of my emotions. I look at race through
107. 5:31the lens of science. And when you look
108. 5:34at race through the lens of science, and
109. 5:36I'm going to say this, and you may know
110. 5:37it or you may not, but if you have a
111. 5:39problem with what I'm about to say,
112. 5:40because it's a biological scientific
113. 5:43fact, what I'm about to say, biological
114. 5:45scientific fact. And if you got a
115. 5:47problem with that, YOU DO NOT HAVE A
116. 5:49PROBLEM WITH CHUCK NICE. YOU GOT A
117. 5:50[ __ ] PROBLEM WITH SCIENCE.
118. 5:53OKAY?
119. 5:56And the fact is there is no such thing
120. 6:00as race. It does not exist. It is a
121. 6:03wholly madeup construct.
122. 6:06Why? Because there is not enough
123. 6:08biological variations between human
124. 6:11beings for us to have anything called
125. 6:14race. And there is more variation within
126. 6:17the same groups of human beings. So much
127. 6:20so there can be nothing called race. As
128. 6:24a matter of fact, if you were an alien
129. 6:26and you came down here and all you could
130. 6:27see was our DNA, we will be
131. 6:29indistinguishable one from another
132. 6:31because we share 99.99%
133. 6:34the same DNA.
134. 6:37And that sounds good to some people.
135. 6:48But unfortunately,
136. 6:50THE VERY INFANTESSIMAL DIFFERENCES THAT
137. 6:53WE do have ALL SHOW UP ON the outside
138. 6:57where WE CAN [ __ ] SEE THEM.
139. 7:06Proving that God loves a race war.
140. 7:13See, I knew I could do that joke with
141. 7:14this audience
142. 7:17>> cuz you're smart people.
143. 7:18>> You know what I mean? Cuz I do that joke
144. 7:20in in the wrong audience. They're just
145. 7:22like, "SORRY, SUCK. I'M NOT GETTING ON
146. 7:23BOARD WITH YOUR NAZI GOD."
147. 7:30But it's true. There is no such thing as
148. 7:32race. Race is not real. Unfortunately,
149. 7:34racism is
150. 7:37another wholly madeup construct. Okay.
151. 7:41And look at the black dude. He's just
152. 7:42like, "Yeah, man."
153. 7:47But race not real, racism is. It's kind
154. 7:51of like superheroes are not real,
155. 7:56but ComicCon is.
156. 8:03That's kind of the relationship.
157. 8:07Like superheroes are made up people who
158. 8:11are dedicated to fighting injustice
159. 8:15and ComicCon
160. 8:17is real people who are dedicated to
161. 8:22virginity.
162. 8:30And you would know that is true if you
163. 8:32were like me and you have BEEN TO EVERY
164. 8:34SINGLE COMICCON,
165. 8:37which I have. Which is why you can wake
166. 8:41me up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND ask
167. 8:42me, "Would you like to have sex? WOULD
168. 8:45YOU LIKE TO GO TO COMICCON?" AND MY
169. 8:47answer will be, "It does not make a
170. 8:49difference either way. I am dressing up
171. 8:51as Green Lantern.
172. 9:01Are you guys ready for the rest of the
173. 9:03show?
174. 9:05>> Are you having a good time?
175. 9:11>> Fantastic.
176. 9:12Well, the man I'm about to bring to the
177. 9:14stage right now, you already know who he
178. 9:18is. I'm just doing a little housekeeping
179. 9:19right here, guys, as I do this. you
180. 9:21already know who he is and I am so happy
181. 9:24that he has agreed to be here with me.
182. 9:27Um, I am his co-host and uh he is my
183. 9:31boss and
184. 9:35and we do a little show called Star Talk
185. 9:37together.
186. 9:45He is beloved not only by people who
187. 9:48love science. He is beloved by the world
188. 9:51itself because he brings not only
189. 9:54information, not only learning but a
190. 9:57great deal of joy into the world and I
191. 10:02am so proud to have him here with me.
192. 10:05And the rest of our Star Talk family is
193. 10:07here too. Helen, Gary, and Alex are over
194. 10:09in the back there. Give him a round of
195. 10:11applause.
196. 10:20So, let me tell you what we're going to
197. 10:21do right now. Um, people thought that
198. 10:24this was like the science of comedy. No,
199. 10:26we're going to do the science behind
200. 10:28comedy. I'm going to bring him up. We're
201. 10:31going to actually hear jokes, uh, some
202. 10:35from other comedians, and then Neil is
203. 10:38going to break down the science behind
204. 10:40the joke, which I think is a pretty fun
205. 10:43concept.
206. 10:45And so without without further ado,
207. 10:49ladies and gentlemen, I BRING TO YOU
208. 10:52YOUR OWN personal Astro businesses, Neil
209. 10:57Degrasse Tyson.
210. 11:21SO I I put Neil I they said, "Do you
211. 11:25need two high chairs?" I said, "No, Neil
212. 11:27is so big that if you just put me on a
213. 11:29stool, we going to be the same size."
214. 11:33>> Yeah, I can I'll look up to you here.
215. 11:35>> No, that's okay. I I I really don't like
216. 11:38Do you want a stool?
217. 11:39>> I can I can just stand.
218. 11:41>> It's called stand up.
219. 11:42>> Stand up.
220. 11:44>> Is that what it's called?
221. 11:45>> All right. Well,
222. 11:46>> yeah, let's do this.
223. 11:46>> We going to be standing for about
224. 11:48>> That's all I can handle.
225. 11:52>> That's very cool. And just so you know,
226. 11:53this is the first time I've ever
227. 11:54performed in front of a brick wall.
228. 11:57Okay.
229. 11:58>> Yes.
230. 11:59>> This is my first.
231. 12:00>> So, you know why all comedy backdrops
232. 12:02are brick wall?
233. 12:03>> I have no idea.
234. 12:04>> Because uh normally when the show is
235. 12:06over, you just want to take your head
236. 12:07and be like
237. 12:09>> So,
238. 12:10>> okay, now I understand.
239. 12:12>> So, anyway, Neil, here's the great thing
240. 12:13about what we're going to do. Neil, by
241. 12:15the way, ladies and gentlemen, is a huge
242. 12:19uh connoisseur of comedy. Well, I'm a
243. 12:22fan of your art and I think you carry
244. 12:26the soul of civilization with you
245. 12:29>> in your knowledge, wisdom, and insight
246. 12:32into what we are all about. And without
247. 12:35it, I I don't I don't I don't want to
248. 12:37live in that world without comedians.
249. 12:39>> Wow. That is uh extremely flowery
250. 12:42flowery speech to describe dick jokes.
251. 12:49just I I've never I don't know what you
252. 12:51don't know what this is.
253. 12:52>> I have no idea.
254. 12:52>> Right. But the cool thing is um
255. 12:54>> you just told me to show up.
256. 12:57>> That is kind of true. But that is
257. 13:00because I've been working with Neil for
258. 13:0115 years and here's the one thing I
259. 13:02know. Uh he always has an answer. Okay.
260. 13:08I mean, no, it's a beautiful thing to
261. 13:09watch. You know what I mean? It's just
262. 13:10like, "So, why are particles entangled?"
263. 13:14And he'll say, "Well,
264. 13:20I may not be able to give you an answer
265. 13:22for that, but have you considered?
266. 13:24>> And then he'll give you an answer, which
267. 13:26is [ __ ] great. I love it.
268. 13:27>> Is that what I sound like?
269. 13:29>> Yeah. I don't think of it. It is kind of
270. 13:32>> No, no, wait, wait, Chuck. I can do like
271. 13:34my planetarium voice.
272. 13:36>> Go ahead.
273. 13:37>> Welcome to the universe.
274. 13:41>> I I could do that voice.
275. 13:44>> It's an awesome voice, man. But but
276. 13:49>> I know Morgan Freeman right now is like
277. 13:51I'm so glad
278. 13:54so glad that they didn't ask him.
279. 14:00I am.
280. 14:02Uh so anyway, the first joke is from a
281. 14:05comedian who I actually know uh but it's
282. 14:08a very popular joke. it's online and um
283. 14:11he is very
284. 14:15confused
285. 14:17by where we are in the universe. I'll
286. 14:21just put it like that. And so listen up.
287. 14:27>> Life makes no sense. You're on a planet
288. 14:30right now. You think you're in America.
289. 14:32Zoom out. You're on a space rock
290. 14:34floating in nothingness. Infinite
291. 14:37nothingness. And the infinite
292. 14:39nothingness is expanding. That means
293. 14:42endlessness is getting bigger. That
294. 14:45makes no [ __ ] sense.
295. 14:48>> Okay. So,
296. 14:53he says it makes no sense, Neil.
297. 14:55>> Okay. Okay.
298. 14:56>> I I I I got this. I got this. Go ahead.
299. 14:57Go ahead.
300. 14:58>> I got this.
301. 14:59>> All right. Listen. When he says I got
302. 15:01this, I'm I got to sit down.
303. 15:03>> I I got this.
304. 15:04>> Go ahead.
305. 15:04>> Adam, I'm only going to say this once.
306. 15:06>> Go ahead. Oh, I know what he about to
307. 15:08say.
308. 15:09>> The universe is under no obligation to
309. 15:12make sense to you.
310. 15:20>> Our senses were forged in the Serengeti
311. 15:23trying to not get eaten by a lion,
312. 15:26>> running up across up a tree, whatever.
313. 15:30That does not include contemplating the
314. 15:32cosmos. So you can't take our biological
315. 15:36senses forged in the tree of life to
316. 15:40lead to us today as humans and expect
317. 15:43that to have any insights intuitive or
318. 15:46otherwise at all for the microscopic or
319. 15:49the cosmic. So he just has to get over
320. 15:52it.
321. 15:54>> There you go.
322. 16:02It's fantastic.
323. 16:05>> So,
324. 16:05>> and the answer is yes. We are in a space
325. 16:08that's getting bigger and the emptiness
326. 16:10of space is expanding. Yes.
327. 16:12>> And but what he didn't include in there
328. 16:14is the stuff we don't yet know,
329. 16:16>> right?
330. 16:16>> We don't know what we're expanding into.
331. 16:18We don't know what was around before the
332. 16:20big bang. These are frontier questions
333. 16:22that we have top people working on. And
334. 16:24that's what science is. You can't go to
335. 16:26science and say you don't understand
336. 16:28that. So therefore, all of science is
337. 16:30wrong. We don't understand that BECAUSE
338. 16:31THAT'S THE FRONTIER. THAT'S THE WHOLE
339. 16:33POINT OF WHAT WE'RE DOING. So just just
340. 16:43Yes.
341. 16:45I love it. Okay. All right. And so I
342. 16:49hope hopefully this comedian you'll be
343. 16:51able to help out because here's another
344. 16:54same comedian, a different joke where he
345. 16:58is perplexed by molecules.
346. 17:03like molecules present a real problem
347. 17:06for him and they're
348. 17:10they're they're just it it gives him
349. 17:12quite a bit of consternation when he
350. 17:15pers any molecular structure. Okay,
351. 17:19>> bring it on. So listen up.
352. 17:21>> Listen up.
353. 17:22>> Bring it on.
354. 17:23>> Everything is made of molecules. Okay,
355. 17:26got it. I'll never think about that
356. 17:28again. I'm made of molecules. You're
357. 17:30made of molecules. The air between us,
358. 17:33it's all made of molecules. That makes
359. 17:35no [ __ ] sense. These molecules know
360. 17:39their molecules. These molecules are
361. 17:41like, "Hey, I'm Pete." That doesn't make
362. 17:43any sense. This stool, it's made of
363. 17:46molecules. The same molecules in my
364. 17:49hand. In fact, some of the molecules in
365. 17:52this stool went into me while I've been
366. 17:54up here talking. And some that were in
367. 17:56me have gone into the stool. And you
368. 17:59know when I knock these molecules into
369. 18:01these molecules and we ask science why
370. 18:04don't they go through each other. You
371. 18:06know what the answer is? We don't know.
372. 18:10Doesn't make any [ __ ] sense.
373. 18:13>> Okay.
374. 18:13>> Okay. I got
375. 18:15>> I'm sure you got I Okay.
376. 18:19First of all, we do know why your hand
377. 18:21does not pass through the stool.
378. 18:23>> Mhm. First of all, it's this stool and
379. 18:25not the other stool. Okay.
380. 18:28the stool.
381. 18:29>> Just wanted to make that cuz your hand
382. 18:30would pass through some other stool.
383. 18:32Just letting you know right now you want
384. 18:33to knock on it. That's a whole another
385. 18:36the stool you sit on, not poop out.
386. 18:38>> Okay. So, uh just to make it clear. So,
387. 18:43once again, the universe is I didn't
388. 18:46want to have to repeat this is under no
389. 18:48obligation to make sense to us to his
390. 18:52not credit to uh uh to to toss him a
391. 18:55bone. Okay, it was not until the 20th
392. 18:59century where the existence of atoms was
393. 19:03even experimentally established.
394. 19:06>> Right?
395. 19:07>> So this whole idea of at the atomic
396. 19:09theory of of from ancient Greece that
397. 19:12would that was not we didn't have
398. 19:14evidence of that until like the 19s a
399. 19:17hundred years ago. Wow. So, so his his
400. 19:20his angst
401. 19:23comes from a deep place within the
402. 19:25history of our discovery of the world in
403. 19:28which we live.
404. 19:29>> So, you're saying he's as smart as an
405. 19:31ancient Grecian.
406. 19:33And
407. 19:34so if you take a baseball stadium and
408. 19:37take a kernel of popcorn, stick it in
409. 19:39the middle,
410. 19:42that is the nucleus of an atom and the
411. 19:44stands and all around it is where the
412. 19:47electrons orbit. So atoms are mostly
413. 19:49empty space. So when he said, "Why
414. 19:52doesn't my hand made of atoms and
415. 19:54molecules pass through his chair made of
416. 19:56atoms and molecules?" Because he knows
417. 19:58that they're mostly empty space,
418. 20:00>> right? However,
419. 20:02>> okay,
420. 20:03>> however, there are forces at work
421. 20:06>> everywhere. Forces, electromagnetic
422. 20:10forces.
423. 20:11>> Okay. Forces.
424. 20:13>> It's a hoax.
425. 20:17>> Electromagnetism is a hoax.
426. 20:25>> I'm sorry. Go ahead.
427. 20:27>> Okay. So, you got atoms that have
428. 20:29electrons.
429. 20:29>> Yes. that and the table's got atoms that
430. 20:32have electrons. Electrons are the same
431. 20:34charge,
432. 20:35>> right?
433. 20:36>> They don't want to get together, right?
434. 20:37>> You try to bring them together, they're
435. 20:39not going to let that happen.
436. 20:40>> We ain't talking to you, [ __ ]
437. 20:44>> I can't believe she came up in here like
438. 20:45that.
439. 20:46>> YOU SEE THAT [ __ ] COME UP IN HERE LIKE
440. 20:48THAT? WHAT?
441. 20:50My god. I can't he had the nerve to show
442. 20:52her