YT YouTube2Text

YouTube2Text → Transcripts → You’ll never want to watch P*RN again after hearing my story…

You’ll never want to watch P*RN again after hearing my story… — Transcript

by Luke Vidler · 4,207 words · 572 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

Open in transcriber Summarize with AI Download SRT/VTT

Full transcript

0:00It's 2016. I've just started grade
0:02three. An innocent young man unaware of
0:04the pure evil that I would be exposed to
0:06in just a couple of months time. It
0:08would destroy my mind, my relationships,
0:11and even my selfrespect in the years to
0:13come. But I'll get to that in a minute.
0:15This story kicks off in March of the
0:17same year. I'm sitting with my best mate
0:19Donnie at break, and we're chatting
0:21about the girls on TV that we find
0:23attractive. At which point, he asks me a
0:26question that I don't quite understand.
0:29He says to me, Luke, have you ever
0:30watched before? Now, of course, being
0:33only 9 years old, I ask him what exactly
0:36that means. I say to him, you know,
0:37what's po? And the explanation he gives
0:40me is pretty much girls. So, straight
0:43away hearing this, you know, being the
0:44young boy that I was, I get super
0:46excited and I say to him, well, what
0:48would I have to search up to find that,
0:50right? And he tells me literally just
0:52look up ladies and you'll get hundreds
0:54if not thousands of photos to look at.
0:57So later that afternoon, I get off the
0:59bus. My mom picks my brothers and I up,
1:02drives us home. I proceed to go into the
1:06bathroom and lock the door behind me, at
1:07which point I put this search in, and I
1:10spend the next 10 to 15 minutes
1:12scrolling through hundreds of photos
1:14that no child should ever see. So over
1:17the next couple of weeks, I'd do this
1:19three or four times a week religiously.
1:21I'd get off the bus, I'd come home, go
1:23into the bathroom, and spend a few
1:25minutes just scrolling through these
1:26photos on my phone. Now, of course, it
1:28goes without saying, but I wasn't
1:29squeezing the hot glue gun at this
1:31point. I was just a young man with far
1:33too much curiosity for my own good, and
1:35I took great pleasure in just looking at
1:37the photos. And without even realizing
1:39it, corn would slowly take over my mind
1:43until it had eventually taken over my
1:45life. After a few weeks of watching
1:47this, I had no shame in talking openly
1:50to my best mate Donnie about this at
1:51school. He took great pride in talking
1:54to me about when he would do it. So that
1:57began to form the belief in my mind that
1:59it was normal, that it wasn't a problem
2:00to be looking at it, especially this
2:02young. And so I started to see it as
2:04just a thing that everyone did. Given
2:06that Donnie was my only friend, whatever
2:08he did, I found to be normal. And so I
2:10emulated his actions. So over the next
2:12few weeks, I continued looking at these
2:14pictures. And it doesn't take long until
2:16I realized that if I click on the links
2:18underneath them, I would be taken to a
2:20website. A website where these pictures
2:23became videos. And this opened up a
2:25whole new door for me. Now, whilst all
2:28of this was going on, I was doing my
2:30best to keep it super private, you know,
2:32super secretive because not only did I
2:34not want my parents knowing cuz I knew
2:35how much [ __ ] I would be in, I didn't
2:37even want my brothers knowing just
2:39because I was embarrassed. Just because
2:40I thought it was like an embarrassing
2:42thing, right? Fast forward to one Friday
2:44night in midepptember. I'm laying on my
2:46bed in my room playing that game. I
2:48think it's called cook and fever on my
2:50phone when my middle brother who would
2:52have been about 11 years old at the time
2:54comes into my room and asks me what I'm
2:56doing. So I tell him, you know, I'm just
2:58playing cook and fever. And that's when
2:59he walks up to me, right? And he pull he
3:02yanks my iPod out of my hand and runs
3:04out of the room. So I call out to him,
3:06"Bring it back." Like I'm getting angry
3:07at him and I chase after him. He's run
3:09off to my eldest eldest brother's room
3:12with the iPod in his hand whilst it's
3:14still logged in. Right. So I get to my
3:16eldest brother's room. He was 13 years
3:18old at the time and they're looking at
3:21my phone laughing. And it's at this
3:23point that my middle brother who was 11
3:24years old says, "Luke, you've been
3:27watching." And they're sitting there
3:28laughing at me. And you know, obviously
3:30super embarrassed. I say, "No, I haven't
3:31been doing that. Like I've just I'm just
3:33denying it." Right? But little did I
3:36realize this entire time I had been
3:39leaving a trail behind with every search
3:41I would make because I didn't know
3:42private browsing or search history was a
3:44thing. So every time I would search
3:45something it was in a public browser. Is
3:47that what you'd call it? And all of my
3:50tabs would have a search history behind
3:52them. So everything I had watched in the
3:54past couple of months was showing up on
3:57the iPod search history. Right. So
3:59although I'm super embarrassed, I wasn't
4:00too worried cuz I knew my brothers
4:02weren't going to tell my parents. They
4:03just found it funny as [ __ ] And you
4:05know, being a similar age, they were
4:06probably watching it already as well.
4:08But fast forward to a cold afternoon in
4:10July of 2018. I'm sitting under the
4:12footy shed near school talking to my
4:14best mate Crocker about the girls that
4:16we like, right? The girls in our class
4:17who we were attracted to. And somehow I
4:19segue the conversation into the question
4:21of has Crocker ever watched porn before?
4:24And I say to him like, "Have you ever
4:26watched porn before?"
4:28Of course he tells me no. He sort of
4:29wants me to explain exactly what it is
4:31cuz he's heard adults talk about it.
4:33He's heard about it in TV shows, movies
4:35that he's watched on TV, but he doesn't
4:37quite understand what it is. Now, of
4:39course, by this point, I'd been watching
4:40it for what, nearly 2 years. So, I felt
4:43like it was an absolute privilege to be
4:45the one to show him. I tell him to sit
4:47down, and we spend the next half an hour
4:49sitting on this footy bench near school
4:52watching po after Paul. Now, this may
4:56sound funny to some of you, but I had
4:59just unlocked a door in this kid's mind
5:01that would then lead to the exact same
5:03issues that I faced years later for him.
5:06Crocker is sitting there looking at my
5:07phone, absolutely mesmerized. He cannot
5:10believe what he's seeing. The things
5:12he's witnessing, he didn't even know
5:14existed 5 minutes before. Now, just
5:16recently, Crocker admitted to me that
5:17that afternoon he actually went home and
5:19spent the next couple of hours watching
5:22this stuff on his phone. And similar to
5:24me, it wasn't something he was watching
5:25because he actually had any sort of
5:27capabilities yet. It was purely just for
5:30the stimulus, the entertainment of it.
5:31But it gets to December of 2018, and by
5:34this point, I've been watching it
5:36probably 200 out of 365 days, right? So
5:39200 days a year, which probably doesn't
5:40sound crazy to some of you, but what
5:43you've got to keep in mind is that I
5:44hadn't even reached puberty yet, right?
5:47So, it's purely dopamine guiding this
5:48decision, which went which meant when my
5:50hormones hit, I was in for a rude shock
5:53and that I was. And on December 26th,
5:56that day came. It's Boxing Day and I'm
5:58staying the night at my nan's house. I'm
6:00laying in bed watching some YouTube
6:02videos when I finally decide to put my
6:05phone down. I lay there for the next 30,
6:0740 minutes, but I just can't seem to get
6:10to sleep. And it's not for the usual
6:12reasons. It's because I have the fattest
6:16woody that I've ever had in my entire
6:18life. Now, usually when I'd get these,
6:20they'd go away fairly quick, but this
6:21one wasn't. It was persisting. So,
6:25instinctively, I get out of bed, walk
6:27down the hallway with my phone in hand,
6:30go into the bathroom, and lock the door
6:32behind me. I then proceed to get up hub
6:34on my phone and spend the next 30
6:37seconds. Well, you know, after this 30
6:40seconds had passed, I get this
6:41indescribable, unmatched state of
6:43euphoria rush throughout my entire body.
6:46I had never experienced a feeling like
6:48this before. Little did I realize it at
6:50the time, I just unlocked the door to
6:52what was ultimately going to be my
6:53demise and a vice which would have me in
6:55a chokeold for the years to come. No
6:57amount of drug, sex or [ __ ] would
6:59ever come close to the exact state of
7:02euphoria that I felt in this very
7:04moment. So 2019 rolls around. I make a
7:06few new friends at school and it just so
7:08happens that these friends had had the
7:10exact experience in the school holidays
7:12that I had also had and they had started
7:14watching pornography as well. And so I
7:17started to think it was extremely normal
7:19because I saw most of the lads my age,
7:21you know, 12 years old, 11, 12 years old
7:24watching it. And so I developed the
7:25belief in my mind that it was a
7:27perfectly normal thing for young boys to
7:29be doing at my age. As the year went on,
7:31I kept watching it. I didn't really see
7:33an issue with it. It didn't seem to have
7:35any impact on other areas of my life.
7:37You know, I hadn't impacted my
7:38relationships yet. I was still like
7:41perfectly fine at talking to girls and I
7:44was still a super confident kid. But it
7:47gets to December of the same year and by
7:50this point I've been watching it pretty
7:52much every single day. Like there
7:54wouldn't have been a single day that
7:55year where I went without and I had
7:58gotten so bad without even realizing it
8:00that I would sometimes take toilet
8:04breaks at school to you know and once
8:08again I didn't see that to be an issue
8:09at the time. It's you know I'm a
8:1012-year-old boy with heaps of
8:11testosterone rushing through me. This is
8:13my thought process. So, I get into high
8:15school the following year, right? 2020.
8:17And at this point, the lockdown's hit,
8:20which means I'm sitting at home every
8:22single day, waking up at 12, grinding
8:24out Fortnite, watching P in between
8:26every single game. This is where [ __ ]
8:29really ramps up. I was watching it at
8:31the absolute peak, probably 3, four,
8:34maybe even five times a day. And I
8:36remember I went through this period
8:39where I've never spoken about this
8:40before.
8:42I would
8:44as soon as I would finish I would cry,
8:47right? It's it sounds so whack, right? I
8:49don't understand it now, but I remember
8:51this was a thing that I had at the time.
8:53And to me, what that signal signals is a
8:56complete depletion of dopamine, right? I
8:58was just doing it so much that it got to
9:01the point where as soon as I'd finished,
9:02my dopamine had been depleted so much
9:04that I would literally just cry. And
9:06that is [ __ ] that's embarrassing to
9:07say 100%, bro. Like I'm not embarrassed
9:10now, but it is a it is a real thing that
9:14happens to young men. And there was no
9:16question at this point in time as to
9:18whether or not it was normal because as
9:20far as I was concerned, every single
9:22that I knew was doing it. Like
9:23literally, I did not know a single male
9:25who wasn't watching porn. So, it had
9:27become so ingrained in my brain that it
9:29was a societal norm that it was actually
9:31weird if you didn't watch it. A couple
9:32months into the year, I start to have a
9:34few little flings. You know, I'm talking
9:36to a few girls at school. They don't
9:37really work out. But my main priority
9:40becomes very much focused on chasing
9:43girls, losing my VC card, being the most
9:46popular amongst the girls in my year or
9:48even in the grade above. And I remember
9:50around early March, I start talking to
9:52this girl who for the sake of this story
9:53we'll call Jane, which had recently lost
9:57her vCard. So to me, in my mind at the
10:00time, that meant the things that I'd
10:01been watching on my phone all of these
10:04years were finally about to become my
10:06reality. Jane and I organized to have a
10:08sleepover at our mutual friend Lara's
10:10house the following weekend. Of course,
10:12my parents didn't know. I told them I
10:13was staying at my mate's house. So, I
10:15arrived to Lara's house on the Friday
10:17night and I spend the next couple of
10:19hours with Lara and Jane just chatting
10:21[ __ ] you know, getting to know Jane.
10:23But I would say no more than 3 hours
10:26being there. I get some terrible news.
10:31Jane has just gotten her, which of
10:34course, if you can put two and two
10:36together, you know what that means. It
10:38wasn't going to happen for me on this
10:39particular night. Now, despite feeling
10:42some chemistry with Jane, later on that
10:44week, I end up cutting it off with her
10:46because my mind had become so geared
10:48towards instant gratification that my
10:51mindset was quite literally if the girl
10:53that I'm dating doesn't want to, you
10:55know, go there as soon as I've started
10:57dating, regardless of the circumstances,
10:59that I should just go and find a new
11:01girl. Yeah, [ __ ] up, I know. But this
11:05is seriously the way that watching so
11:07much corn and all of these societal
11:09norms had made me start to think, "Oh,
11:13that's beautiful." I'd almost taken away
11:15the human aspect of them and it turned
11:17them into a complete object. It's like
11:19that old thing of objectification. Like
11:20women say, "You're objectifying me." But
11:23it is a real thing. It seriously is.
11:25Guys develop this thing in their brain
11:27where they view women as objects and
11:29they no longer view them as human
11:32beings. That's quite literally what they
11:33are. But this wasn't even close to the
11:36magnitude of damage that corn would do
11:38to my brain in the years to come. Fast
11:40forward to March of 2021. As most of you
11:43will know, I start dating this girl
11:45named Sarah. And without even realizing
11:47it at the time, over the next 2 years,
11:48the relationship we would build together
11:50would become contaminated with lust,
11:52condemnment, and hatred towards one
11:54another. So, a couple months into dating
11:56Sarah, I begin to become super
11:59frustrated that we haven't, you know,
12:01done anything yet because like I said
12:03just a minute ago, I had this mindset of
12:05if she wasn't willing to go there, then
12:07she wasn't my girl. And this created
12:10tension in the relationship, right?
12:11Where there was minor bickering,
12:13disagreements about what we should and
12:15shouldn't do. And I feel we become very
12:18closed off from each other. But we
12:19weren't willing to show our true
12:21authentic selves because we were afraid
12:23of what the other might think. You know,
12:25she was afraid of what I might think
12:26because of my very harsh judgments
12:28towards what she did and didn't want to
12:30do. And I was afraid of what she may or
12:32may not think of me for wanting to do
12:34those things. So, it created this real
12:36sense of tension. But fast forward to
12:38August, Australia is put into lockdown
12:42and Sarah and I are just sitting at home
12:43on FaceTime every single day, bored out
12:45of our minds. So one day whilst we're
12:48sitting there talking we agreed to send
12:50some photos to each other which is
12:54something I had never done it done
12:56before and would be a decision which
12:58would I which I would come to regret
13:00massively just a few months later but
13:02I'll get to that in a minute and after
13:03this naturally my lust grew even
13:06stronger because I had put her even
13:08higher up on the pedestal given what I
13:10had just seen right so because of this I
13:14start watching corn even more. It got so
13:17bad that throughout the lockdowns, I was
13:19watching it probably five or six times a
13:22day. But anyhow, school goes back in
13:24September and Sarah and I both agree
13:26with each other that we're finally going
13:29to lose our vcards. So, I won't go into
13:32detail, but we end up doing it. And
13:37that's it. I finally have achieved my
13:40goal that I've been striving for every
13:43single day for the past two years. And I
13:46was genuinely happy for a very, very
13:50short period of time after having done
13:52this, right? But of course, given what
13:53you've heard already, you know what's
13:55about to happen next. My lust only grows
13:58stronger. Given that when given that I'm
14:01not together with Sarah all the time,
14:03anytime that I'm not with her and I have
14:04a lustful urge, I start to watch porn
14:08more and more and more. Even on a school
14:10day, I'd watch it three or four times a
14:12day. First thing in the morning, right
14:14before bed, a few times after school, it
14:17literally had control of me in my
14:19relationship without me realizing it.
14:21And in just a few months time, things
14:23would start to turn ugly fast. But
14:26before I get to that, I must tell you by
14:28this point, Crocker had also become
14:30chronically addicted, which he admitted
14:32to me not long ago as well. And that all
14:35stemmed from that one day that I showed
14:38him back when we were 11 years old. He'd
14:40skip gym sessions to watch corn. He
14:43wouldn't go to school for days so he
14:44could sit at home watching corn,
14:46bingeing Netflix. It had control over
14:48him just as much as it did me. But a
14:50couple months go by, we get into the new
14:52year, so 2022.
14:54And by this point, given that I've been
14:56watching corn for around what, four
14:59years, I had begun to indulge in a few
15:03of the more niche topics, which tend to
15:06be a lot more un excuse me, unrealistic.
15:09And because of this, I start asking my
15:12girlfriend if we can, you know,
15:15experiment. And of course, she says no
15:17logically. But this makes me start to
15:20resent her. Okay? Because I thought in a
15:23relationship you're supposed to, you
15:24know, try out new things with your
15:26partner, but she's just said no. So,
15:28this makes everything feel very closed
15:30off. And that sense of tension actually
15:32returned again. So, a couple months into
15:342022, because of this resentment and
15:36tension that was brewing in the air
15:38between us, we started to fight like
15:41crazy. It was always over petty [ __ ]
15:44And because I'd been watching so much
15:46porn, my emotional response became very
15:49ingrained in my brain. I'd always get so
15:51angry and emotionally fueled in my
15:53arguments, right? I' I'd yell and I'd
15:55throw things out of proportion. And it's
15:57only now looking back introspectively
15:59that I can see how [ __ ] in the head I
16:02actually was. some of the things that I
16:04said, like I can look back on old texts
16:06and things that I said to Sarah back
16:08then. And it's no wonder the
16:10relationship ended the way that it did
16:12and went the way that it did. But bro,
16:14if you can't control your lust, then you
16:16literally have control over nothing in
16:18your life because lust is man's
16:20strongest desire. Second to that is
16:22food. Because these two things are the
16:24two main things that evolve the human
16:26species, right? Sex is repopulation.
16:27Food keeps that population alive.
16:29Therefore, they release the most
16:31dopamine, and that's the thing we're
16:32drawn to seek out. And bro, there is no
16:34place in a relationship for masculine
16:36emotion and masculine anger towards a
16:38woman. You need to understand there is
16:40such a thing as feminine and masculine
16:42energy, and they're not the same. Let
16:44the woman be the emotional one. You are
16:46supposed to be the one who's stoic, if
16:48you will. You're the one that's supposed
16:49to regulate your emotions. You're not
16:51supposed to act on every single emotion
16:53you feel. This is literally why we end
16:55up with so many school people who are
16:57[ __ ] in their heads people. All these
17:00people that want to be something they're
17:02not. All these people that are so [ __ ]
17:04up in their head and confused with
17:06themselves that they want to try and put
17:08a label on themselves or inflict harm
17:10onto other people. It's because they
17:12can't control their own emotions. And it
17:14all starts with being able to channel
17:16your own lust. But I remember towards
17:18the end of our relationship, it got to a
17:20point where we would literally, you
17:23know,
17:26and then I would just turn the TV on
17:28straight after and pretend she didn't
17:29exist. And of course, she noticed this
17:32straight away. You know, she wanted to
17:33feel love. She wanted to, you know, hug
17:35or whatever afterwards.
17:37And I would just completely ignore her.
17:39She felt very neglected. and she felt
17:41like the only reason I was actually
17:43staying with her was for my own selfish,
17:45greedy, lustful desires, which I suppose
17:50was fairly true in a sense. Fast forward
17:53to August, I end up breaking up with
17:55Sarah, which once again, as the story
17:57goes, further amplifies my desire for
18:00lust because now I've no longer got the,
18:03you know, human connection in my life.
18:06So that addiction really ramps up. I'm
18:10talking five or six times a day. I
18:12couldn't even control myself at school.
18:14I'd put my hand up to go to the
18:15bathroom, go to the disabled toilets,
18:17and one out. It literally had me in a
18:21chokeold. It led to more addiction in
18:23other areas of my life. But it gets to
18:25January 2023, and I find that these
18:28photos that I'd mentioned earlier had
18:30been shared with a few of the lads who I
18:32actually used to be mates with at
18:34school. Now, I wasn't too stressed. I
18:37didn't feel too panicked at this point
18:39in time cuz it had been a while since
18:40I'd actually sent them. But I did sort
18:43of feel violated in the respect that
18:46people had seen that who I didn't want
18:49seeing that. And I honestly have no one
18:53else to blame but myself, bro, because
18:54it's me who put myself in that position.
18:56It's me who chose to lead by lust.
18:58Literally, every single decision I made
19:00as a teenager was led by lust and
19:03dopamine. The urge to want to go and do
19:05things. I would act off of my emotion.
19:07Everything I've told you not to do in
19:09this video, every bad decision I've told
19:10you is literally how I lived my life
19:13until I was around 15 years old. The
19:16three biggest things, which I'll tell
19:18any young man straight out, that are
19:20going to hold you back and stop you from
19:21achieving your goals. Drugs, alcohol,
19:24and lust. And those are the three things
19:26that fueled every single terrible
19:28decision I ever made in my teenage
19:30years. And of course, most of you will
19:32know the decision which finally woke me
19:36up was fueled by drugs and alcohol. I
19:38beat a man half to death and got in an
19:4018-monthl long court case which set me
19:42back $10,000
19:45because I just couldn't control my
19:46emotions. And it all stemmed from one
19:49thing, lust. If you can't control your
19:52lust, it will control you and every
19:54single aspect of your life, every
19:56decision you make. my mindset, my work
19:59ethic, my relationships, my friendships,
20:02all destroyed because of one emotion,
20:06one chemical in my brain. And funnily
20:08enough, at the moment, I'm actually
20:10reading the book Outwitting the Devil by
20:11Napoleon Hill, which literally states in
20:14it, "If a man can channel his lustful
20:16energy into something which is
20:17purposeful in life, he will reap great
20:19rewards." And bro, I just want you to
20:21remember that the strongest man in the
20:23Bible, Solomon, was defeated by lust. Do
20:26not let this take control of your mind
20:28like it has literally our whole
20:30generation. It's finally time for you to
20:32take back control of your [ __ ] life.
20:35I hope you found value in this video. I
20:37really do hope it helped. This is
20:38something I'm so passionate about
20:40because I think it's not a topic that's
20:42talked talked about enough amongst young
20:44men. But with all that said, I will see
20:47you in the next one. Hit the sub button.
20:49Smash like.

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of You’ll never want to watch P*RN again after hearing my story… by Luke Vidler, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 4,207 words across 572 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

What you can do with it

Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to translate the transcript into 100+ languages.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, translation to 100+ languages, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.