You’ll have your dream life once you understand this — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00The only thing separating you from the
2. 0:01life you dream about is understanding a
3. 0:04single concept. That's right, just one
4. 0:07concept. I know this because 14 years
5. 0:09ago, I was coming out of a depression
6. 0:11and I was enduring a marriage and a
7. 0:13business that were both failing. Once I
8. 0:16finally stopped wasting my life and took
9. 0:18the time to understand it, everything
10. 0:20turned around. That's why in this video,
11. 0:22I will walk you through the concept and
12. 0:24by the end, you'll be closer to creating
13. 0:27your dream life than you've ever been.
14. 0:30All you need to understand is you don't
15. 0:33create your life primarily from what you
16. 0:36want. You create your life from who you
17. 0:39believe you are. So, doesn't it make
18. 0:40sense that the most important thing here
19. 0:42is to understand how you create your
20. 0:44sense of self, your identity, what I
21. 0:47will refer to as your self-concept. Yes,
22. 0:50it is a concept because you only have a
23. 0:52concept of yourself. There's no way to
24. 0:55fully know who you are cuz you only know
25. 0:57yourself from the inside, just like it's
26. 1:00impossible for anyone around you to
27. 1:02truly know you because they don't know
28. 1:03you from the inside. They only know you
29. 1:05from the outside. You have a concept of
30. 1:07who you are, your identity, and everyone
31. 1:09else who knows you has a concept of who
32. 1:12you are. One other clue that lets us
33. 1:14know that this is true is that not
34. 1:16everybody thinks of you the same way.
35. 1:18So, everybody has their own concept of
36. 1:19you, including you. And it is that
37. 1:22concept that you have of yourself, that
38. 1:23felt sense of identity that has felt
39. 1:26like it's always been there and always
40. 1:28will be there. It's ever present, but
41. 1:30few people stop to truly question how
42. 1:32are we doing this? How are we creating
43. 1:34our sense of self? It's your sense of
44. 1:36self, who you are, that really
45. 1:38determines your life, everything you do.
46. 1:41If you think about it, what you believe
47. 1:43about yourself determines what you will
48. 1:45attempt. It determines what you're
49. 1:47willing to accept. It will determine who
50. 1:49you get involved with, your friendships,
51. 1:51your intimate relationships. Who you
52. 1:53believe you are, what you believe about
53. 1:56yourself determines pretty much
54. 1:57everything. Since you were born, your
55. 1:59mind has been selecting and collecting
56. 2:01information and generalizing them into
57. 2:03beliefs. These will be beliefs about the
58. 2:06world around you, but also beliefs about
59. 2:08who you are. These are the most powerful
60. 2:10beliefs that you have because without
61. 2:11beliefs about yourself, you have no
62. 2:13beliefs about everything else around
63. 2:15you. So, these beliefs that you have
64. 2:16about yourself over time then generalize
65. 2:20into one bigger, more solid concept that
66. 2:23we call identity or self concept. This
67. 2:25process seems to be fully solidified by
68. 2:27the time we're seven. You often hear
69. 2:29people say that by the age of seven, we
70. 2:32have a fully formed personality. Another
71. 2:34way of saying that is we have fully
72. 2:36formed core beliefs. And then it's just
73. 2:38a matter of how do those core beliefs
74. 2:40interact with the world around you as
75. 2:43you get older. Do they naturally update
76. 2:46or do they become very hardened and
77. 2:48rigid and do you pull away from the
78. 2:51world around you because what you
79. 2:52believe about yourself and what's
80. 2:54happening in the world around you is not
81. 2:56lining up. This happens quite often. But
82. 2:58most of us at a very developmental age,
83. 2:59we're still quite flexible. So, those
84. 3:01beliefs tend to update as we get older
85. 3:04as the world around us is changing.
86. 3:07Therefore, we are able to meet the
87. 3:09demands of society and a job and we're
88. 3:11able to learn things and grow and
89. 3:13change. However, sometimes we have
90. 3:15breakdowns or we have limitations. We
91. 3:18have a felt sense of what it is that we
92. 3:20would like to have, the things that we
93. 3:22would like to do, but based on what we
94. 3:25believe about ourselves, we are trapped
95. 3:26within our limitations. And that was me
96. 3:2914 years ago. There was so many things
97. 3:31that I wanted, but I just didn't believe
98. 3:33it was possible. If I traced it down to
99. 3:35the core, what those beliefs really
100. 3:36meant was I didn't feel that this was
101. 3:39possible for me. I could look around and
102. 3:40I could see people making lots of money
103. 3:42and enjoying life and traveling the
104. 3:44world, but I thought that's just not
105. 3:46possible for me. Obviously, it's
106. 3:47possible for other people. And this is
107. 3:50what most of our limiting beliefs are
108. 3:51doing to us, even though we might tell
109. 3:54ourselves, "Yes, I could do that because
110. 3:56someone else is doing it." Or I should
111. 3:58be capable of that. It's not a matter of
112. 3:59what you think you should be feeling or
113. 4:01thinking or what you think you can do.
114. 4:03It's do you believe it? And most people
115. 4:05don't. For example, I highly valued
116. 4:07success. Success was one of my values
117. 4:09and I wanted to be a successful person,
118. 4:12but I actually believed that I was a
119. 4:13failure and I didn't understand this
120. 4:15until I did a lot of the work that I'm
121. 4:17talking about here. I was able to pull
122. 4:18this belief from my unconscious, didn't
123. 4:21even know it was there and that's
124. 4:22[clears throat] where it's most
125. 4:22powerful. When you have beliefs that are
126. 4:24in your unconscious, you don't know that
127. 4:26they're there, so there's not a whole
128. 4:27lot that you can do about it. Most of
129. 4:29your beliefs about who you are are
130. 4:31deeply unconscious, but they can be made
131. 4:33conscious. Here I was trying to be a
132. 4:35success, but deep down inside I was
133. 4:37believing that I was a failure. So, my
134. 4:40motivation was very low. Why would I
135. 4:42even try something if deep down inside I
136. 4:43believe I'm going to fail at it? I could
137. 4:45just save myself the disappointment and
138. 4:47the pain and just not try. Now, at the
139. 4:49same time, I was pushing myself. I was
140. 4:51trying. I had a family to feed and a new
141. 4:55business that I had just started. I
142. 4:56needed to perform, but I wasn't, not to
143. 4:59the my full capacity. As a result of
144. 5:00that, I fell into depression because
145. 5:03beliefs about myself were not meeting
146. 5:04the demands of the world around me.
147. 5:07The first part of this is to understand
148. 5:09how important your self-concept is. Now,
149. 5:12you might be thinking, "No, Damon, I
150. 5:13just want to solve this problem over
151. 5:14here." Or, "No, Damon, I just want to
152. 5:16achieve this goal over here." Trust me,
153. 5:19your self-concept has everything to do
154. 5:20with this. You might not even have that
155. 5:22problem if it weren't for how your
156. 5:24self-concept is set up. Or, you might
157. 5:26not even want to achieve that goal
158. 5:28because often times we do achieve goals
159. 5:30and we realize it wasn't very
160. 5:32fulfilling. It's very easy to build the
161. 5:34wrong life when you don't understand
162. 5:36your self-concept. Before I go on to the
163. 5:38next step, there is a PDF in the
164. 5:40description below this video. You could
165. 5:41also scan this QR code. And what it does
166. 5:44is it breaks down step-by-step how to
167. 5:46transform beliefs and that could be
168. 5:48beliefs that you have about yourself, or
169. 5:50it could be other beliefs, beliefs you
170. 5:52have about the world, or about other
171. 5:53people. Either way, it's all the same
172. 5:55process. So, get your hands on that PDF.
173. 5:58The second part of this is to identify
174. 6:00the identity that you currently have.
175. 6:03Like, what is keeping you where you are?
176. 6:05If you're not happy with your life as it
177. 6:07is, you're not happy with certain
178. 6:09aspects of it, like maybe it's your
179. 6:10career, your job, or your marriage, then
180. 6:13you want to turn inward and ask
181. 6:14yourself, "What is it about me, first of
182. 6:16all, that created this situation?" And I
183. 6:19don't mean this in a blaming sense. If
184. 6:21you chose a career, you are responsible
185. 6:23for that. If you chose a partner and
186. 6:24you're not happy with them, this is
187. 6:26coming from you. So, if we take full
188. 6:28responsibility for this and we go into
189. 6:30ourselves and say, "Okay, what is it
190. 6:31that I believe about myself that created
191. 6:34this situation?" then we start to get
192. 6:35answers. And these answers we can use to
193. 6:38transform. We can literally transform
194. 6:40beliefs about ourselves, but we can't
195. 6:42transform beliefs about ourselves if we
196. 6:44don't know what they are. Remember what
197. 6:45I said earlier, most of your beliefs are
198. 6:46unconscious, and that is especially true
199. 6:49for beliefs about yourself. So, when we
200. 6:50start asking questions about, "Well,
201. 6:52what must I believe about myself in
202. 6:54order for me to have chosen this career,
203. 6:57or to have chosen this partner, or
204. 7:00whatever other problems that might
205. 7:01exist?" then you will start to
206. 7:02understand more about who you believe
207. 7:05you are. Shortly after coming out of my
208. 7:07second depression and being very well
209. 7:09aware that my business was failing, and
210. 7:11also my marriage, I decided to learn
211. 7:14NLP, neurolinguistic programming. I was
212. 7:16looking for answers and I was looking
213. 7:18for solutions. The more I learned NLP,
214. 7:21the more I started to understand these
215. 7:23unconscious processes that create
216. 7:26beliefs about who we are, about the
217. 7:28world around us, and that beliefs
218. 7:30themselves have a structure, and your
219. 7:31identity has a structure. The good news
220. 7:33about this is it's a lot easier to
221. 7:35change structure than it is to try to
222. 7:37change the content of your experiences.
223. 7:39It is the structure of your beliefs that
224. 7:40tells you what to believe, what meaning
225. 7:42to make of these experiences that you've
226. 7:45had. Your beliefs are basically a
227. 7:47collection of experiences that you've
228. 7:48had and then your unconscious has sorted
229. 7:51them in such a way based on what they
230. 7:52have that are in common, what is similar
231. 7:54to all of them, even though they could
232. 7:56be very different in other aspects. Your
233. 7:58unconscious has identified a similarity,
234. 8:00a pattern, and then grouped them this
235. 8:01way, and this is how we create a belief.
236. 8:03If I were to take my belief that I had
237. 8:05that I was a failure, for example, what
238. 8:07was going on there was my unconscious
239. 8:10had selected and collected a lot of what
240. 8:12I called failure in my life and had put
241. 8:14them all together and structured them
242. 8:16into a category this way that fixated my
243. 8:20attention on it and the end result was I
244. 8:23believed that I was a failure. And this
245. 8:24was highlighting all of the failures and
246. 8:27overlooking all of the successes that I
247. 8:29had in my life. And a lot of people are
248. 8:30doing this. They want to believe that
249. 8:31they're a success. They would probably
250. 8:33have a hard time ever admitting that
251. 8:35they were a failure, even though they
252. 8:36really feel that way, even though they
253. 8:37really believe that. What's happening is
254. 8:39is they're overlooking all of their
255. 8:41successes. So, if you were to tell them,
256. 8:43"Well, hey, look at this great success
257. 8:44you've had." That person would probably
258. 8:47often make an excuse. "Well, the only
259. 8:48reason why I succeeded at that was" and
260. 8:50then fill in the blank. And you also
261. 8:52might be that person. I know I was that
262. 8:54person. If somebody tried to pay me a
263. 8:55compliment, tried to tell me something I
264. 8:57had done well, which would have been a
265. 8:58success, I had a way of just getting rid
266. 9:01of that. I would always make an excuse
267. 9:02for it or say, "Well, you know, that's"
268. 9:05or or minimize it or de-emphasize it in
269. 9:07some way. Once you start asking yourself
270. 9:09what must you believe about yourself to
271. 9:12create the situations in your life that
272. 9:13you've created? You can even go a little
273. 9:15bit more granular and ask yourself,
274. 9:17"Well, what must I believe about myself
275. 9:19for me to behave in the ways that I'm
276. 9:21behaving? What are my actions maybe that
277. 9:23I don't like? Am I overeating? Am I
278. 9:25overdrinking? Am I not exercising
279. 9:26enough?" You could also ask yourself,
280. 9:29"Well, what must I believe about myself
281. 9:31that is preventing me from doing that?"
282. 9:33And you can start to really pull out a
283. 9:35lot of these beliefs. For me, like I
284. 9:37mentioned before, the reason why I
285. 9:38wasn't succeeding in these areas of my
286. 9:40life that were very important to me was
287. 9:42because I didn't believe that I could. I
288. 9:45believed that I was a failure. I also
289. 9:47had another very limiting belief, and
290. 9:49that was that I didn't deserve it, or
291. 9:50that I wasn't good enough. And this is a
292. 9:52very big belief, and most people are
293. 9:54carrying this belief. I call it a
294. 9:56self-worth issue. This idea that we can
295. 9:59sort of build our value, or build our
296. 10:02worth. This is just not true, because
297. 10:04worth implies a measurement, and there's
298. 10:06no way to measure your worth. What ends
299. 10:07up happening is you're passing your
300. 10:09reality through this concept of worth,
301. 10:11that your worth can be measured, and
302. 10:13because it cannot be measured, it's
303. 10:15never enough. This is why we never feel
304. 10:17good enough. This is why we never fully
305. 10:19feel like we deserve. But then there's
306. 10:21another problem with deserving, that
307. 10:23believing you deserve is also
308. 10:25problematic, that turns into
309. 10:26entitlement. There is no true deserving.
310. 10:29The world does not make any such
311. 10:31guarantees. Once you start bringing all
312. 10:33of this stuff out of the the darkness
313. 10:35and into the sunlight, you'll start to
314. 10:36see right away that some of it just
315. 10:37doesn't make any sense, and that will
316. 10:39shift your perspective right then and
317. 10:41there. But there's more work to be done.
318. 10:45The next step is building that identity
319. 10:47that supports the life you want to live.
320. 10:50Now you have a bunch of clues of all the
321. 10:52beliefs you have about yourself that are
322. 10:53keeping your life the [snorts] way that
323. 10:55it is in a way that you don't want. You
324. 10:58want to change this. We could try
325. 11:00changing your life. You could go out and
326. 11:02try to accomplish a bunch of things, and
327. 11:04just the awareness that you're not happy
328. 11:07with the way things are. You can go out
329. 11:09and try to make changes to that, but if
330. 11:11you don't address your beliefs about
331. 11:13yourself, there's a saying for this,
332. 11:14it's like rearranging furniture on the
333. 11:16Titanic. It's all going down. What you
334. 11:18want to do is you want to address these
335. 11:19beliefs about yourself. So you have
336. 11:21them, you have the negative ones, the
337. 11:23ones that are creating your situation.
338. 11:24We want to flip those beliefs into
339. 11:26creating beliefs about yourself that is
340. 11:28going to support the life that you want
341. 11:30to live. You also need to know, what is
342. 11:31the life that you want to live. And we
343. 11:33want to take this out of fantasy. Most
344. 11:35people are way caught up in their
345. 11:36fantasies, they get drunk on their
346. 11:37fantasies, and they never really take
347. 11:39the first step to creating that life
348. 11:41because they're protective of the
349. 11:43fantasy. It makes them feel good. So, we
350. 11:45want to step out of this. You can create
351. 11:47an amazing life. And what's going to be
352. 11:48really amazing about this journey is
353. 11:50that it's going to surprise you. Your
354. 11:51dream life is so much closer than you
355. 11:53think. And all these obstacles you think
356. 11:55are in your way to creating that dream
357. 11:57life probably a good half of them or
358. 11:59more are not true obstacles. You'll
359. 12:02understand this once you start believing
360. 12:04the right beliefs that you need to
361. 12:05believe about yourself. You start this
362. 12:07with knowing the belief that you don't
363. 12:09want, the belief that's keeping your
364. 12:10life in the way that you don't want it
365. 12:11to be. And then you ask yourself, what
366. 12:13do I want to believe about myself
367. 12:15instead? You know what you don't want.
368. 12:17Now we need to make a clear direction
369. 12:19toward what it is that you want. You
370. 12:21need to know what the beliefs are about
371. 12:23yourself that are going to support that
372. 12:25life that you want to live. We need to
373. 12:27get out of the negation, the focus of
374. 12:29what I don't want. Get into the focus of
375. 12:31what do I want? So, you can think about
376. 12:32the life that you want, and then you can
377. 12:34ask yourself, what do I need to believe
378. 12:35about myself to create that? Once we
379. 12:37have that North Star to go after, we
380. 12:39want to elicit the structure of that
381. 12:41belief that you currently hold. And this
382. 12:42is where you'll find exact instructions
383. 12:45how to do that in the PDF in the
384. 12:47description below this video. Once you
385. 12:49know what that structure is, then what
386. 12:50you're going to do is you're going to
387. 12:51take examples in your life that support
388. 12:53the new belief. And trust me, there are
389. 12:55examples. A lot of people say, "I don't
390. 12:56have any examples of being successful."
391. 12:58And that's just not true. You go and
392. 12:59find even the smallest examples, any
393. 13:01shred of evidence in your life that
394. 13:04supports the new belief. It's there, you
395. 13:06just have to look for it. And then you
396. 13:08start moving those examples into the
397. 13:10structure of the new belief that you
398. 13:12want to create. This is an amazing
399. 13:13practice of transforming yourself into
400. 13:16who you want to be, the person you
401. 13:17value, the person who creates the life
402. 13:19that you want to live. And every time
403. 13:21you transform a belief about yourself,
404. 13:23you are just getting closer and closer
405. 13:25to that life that you want to live. It's
406. 13:27not like you have to wait for that life
407. 13:29as you're transforming yourself. You
408. 13:30feel it right away. It feels really
409. 13:32good. Imagine believing you were a
410. 13:34failure for many years of your life and
411. 13:37then one and one sitting doing this
412. 13:39process suddenly realizing that no, you
413. 13:42are a successful person. Imagine how
414. 13:44amazing that feels. Even before the new
415. 13:46success has come, you're feeling really
416. 13:48good about this and you're feeling
417. 13:49really motivated and then you're just
418. 13:51more fulfilled overall and your
419. 13:52self-esteem is much higher. Your
420. 13:53confidence is much higher. So, this is
421. 13:55what it's really about. Creating that
422. 13:57dream life is a bonus, but the truth is
423. 13:59it's more about how you're going to
424. 14:01feel. That fulfillment, that sense of
425. 14:03purpose. That's where it's really at. At
426. 14:05that point, you don't need to chase a
427. 14:07dream life. A dream life is a natural
428. 14:10expression of who you believe you are.
429. 14:12And if you want to see this in action,
430. 14:14me working with a client one-on-one
431. 14:16transforming his beliefs one belief at a
432. 14:18time, definitely check out this next
433. 14:19video.