You Always Have More Options Than You Think — Transcript

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1. 0:00And so, one of the difficult parts of of
2. 0:02of living in general, and so somebody
3. 0:04asked for a definition, I'll give you
4. 0:05one,
5. 0:06is that if you feel sad right now,
6. 0:08it's because sadness comes from a
7. 0:10perceived lack of options.
8. 0:13It's why it feels so hopeless. Because
9. 0:16you don't know what to do.
10. 0:18And typically you don't know what to do
11. 0:20because you
12. 0:23have
13. 0:25defined rules that you arbitrarily have
14. 0:28chosen to live by. You have seen
15. 0:30consequences
16. 0:32that are bearable as unbearable. I could
17. 0:35never say that to my parents. I could
18. 0:37never leave my friends. I could never
19. 0:39leave this city. You say these nevers,
20. 0:42these absolutes, it would be impossible
21. 0:44for me. But of course that's not true.
22. 0:47What it really means is that you were
23. 0:49unwilling to make a trade.
24. 0:52And so, when you are sad or you feel bad
25. 0:55about your existing circumstance,
26. 0:58the question to ask is what trade am I
27. 1:00knowingly or unknowingly unwilling to
28. 1:02make?
29. 1:04Because there are always more options.
30. 1:09I think Harvey from uh
31. 1:12from Suits, who's like the big the big
32. 1:14lawyer,
33. 1:15he says, "Someone points a gun in your
34. 1:17face, what do you do?" He says it to his
35. 1:19mentee. I think his name is Mike.
36. 1:21And he says, "I don't know, you just you
37. 1:22know, do what they tell you to do." He
38. 1:24said, "No." He's like, "There's a
39. 1:26hundred things that you can do." He's
40. 1:28like, "You can grab the gun. You can
41. 1:29shout. You can ask for help." He's like,
42. 1:31"There's a hundred things that you can
43. 1:32do." But sadness comes from the
44. 1:34perceived lack of options, not lack of
45. 1:37options. From the perceived lack of
46. 1:38options.
47. 1:40And so, the big the big point here is
48. 1:43that
49. 1:45you can create options for yourself by
50. 1:47changing the trades that you're willing
51. 1:49to make.
52. 1:51Being willing to tolerate things that
53. 1:53you were beforehand unwilling to
54. 1:54tolerate.
55. 1:55And
56. 1:57what happens is, and I think the reason
57. 1:58that like people feel like the only
58. 2:00option they have is to like off
59. 2:01themselves is because they just feel
60. 2:04like one path is unbearable and all of
61. 2:07the things all of the trades they're
62. 2:08unwilling to make and declare
63. 2:11uh I don't even want to get into mental
64. 2:12health stuff so I'm not going to. We'll
65. 2:13end up clipping that out of the main
66. 2:14one.
67. 2:15Um I don't even feel like dealing with
68. 2:16the comments. Jesus.
69. 2:18But
70. 2:19you know, it's it's [ __ ] for me
71. 2:20because I
72. 2:22I try to share the things that have
73. 2:23helped me
74. 2:24and
75. 2:26and I get a lot of messages when I talk
76. 2:28about that stuff but I also get the
77. 2:29amount of just like
78. 2:31victimhood
79. 2:33it's it it's it it spikes with anything
80. 2:35related to that stuff.
81. 2:37And I say this as someone who had a
82. 2:39family who struggled with mental health.
83. 2:42Like
84. 2:46I
85. 2:48I wholeheartedly understand the
86. 2:50struggle.
87. 2:52And I share this because
88. 2:54it is what helped me.
89. 2:57And like when I talk about options like
90. 3:00the perceived lack of options like when
91. 3:01I am sad and I get sad
92. 3:03and I think part of that is genetic.
93. 3:05Um
94. 3:06I think to myself like
95. 3:08what trades am I unwilling to make? What
96. 3:10what impossibilities am I claiming are
97. 3:12impossible but aren't?
98. 3:14And then what is the consequence of
99. 3:16that? Because fear only exists in the
100. 3:18vague not in the specific.
101. 3:21And so when I want to walk myself down
102. 3:24an uncomfortable path I start playing
103. 3:26out but no no what would it really look
104. 3:28like? Okay, let's say I I could never
105. 3:30disappoint my parents. No no but what
106. 3:32would it really look like? I would go
107. 3:34there.
108. 3:35And I would say I was leaving and then
109. 3:37what would happen? They would block me
110. 3:38and I'd have to physically fight them to
111. 3:39get out of the house. Okay, am I willing
112. 3:42to do that or die? Well, I'd prefer to
113. 3:44stay alive and so
114. 3:46I'll do that. And so if I had to fight
115. 3:48them I would fight my way out. Okay. But
116. 3:51assuming they didn't want to have a
117. 3:52physical altercation with me,
118. 3:54what then would happen?
119. 3:56Well, they probably wouldn't talk to me.
120. 3:58Okay, well, there's probably been times
121. 3:59in my life where that was a nice thing.
122. 4:01Okay, so maybe that's not so bad. What
123. 4:02else would happen?
124. 4:04Okay, well,
125. 4:05you wouldn't be able to come home for
126. 4:06holidays.
127. 4:07It's not so bad either. I mean, I can I
128. 4:09can eat I can do a Friendsgiving instead
129. 4:10of a Thanksgiving. Like Christmas, I
130. 4:12could celebrate elsewhere. That's not a
131. 4:13huge deal. Okay. Um, what else would
132. 4:15happen?
133. 4:16Again, it's like
134. 4:17you're like, "Okay, so the cost of my
135. 4:19dreams is not getting texts from my
136. 4:21parents and not being able to have
137. 4:23specific foods on specific days of the
138. 4:26year."
139. 4:29That's what I'm unwilling to suffer.
140. 4:31That's what I'm what I'm unwilling to
141. 4:32trade. That terrible experience.
142. 4:35And I think when we frame those things
143. 4:36in the specific, all of a sudden these
144. 4:38fears we have around the around the
145. 4:39decisions, the actions we know we need
146. 4:41to take but aren't, all of a sudden
147. 4:43begin to melt away. And I think that is
148. 4:45where the chains we put on ourselves get
149. 4:47broken. If you like this video and
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