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WORK, RELATIONSHIPS AND LIFE TOGETHER | B2 Listening Practice | EP17 #luyennghetienganh — Transcript

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0:03One, Mark.
0:06Last year, I worked at a summer camp and
0:08I had to share with my roommate, who was
0:10a nice guy, except he could not wake up
0:13in the mornings. Not that that was a big
0:15deal, but for some unknown reason, he
0:19didn't bring his cell phone or an alarm
0:21clock to the camp. So, he used my phone
0:23as an alarm clock, which was okay at
0:26first. Well, it was a bit annoying
0:29because he just took it without asking
0:31and then he never gave it back. Then I
0:34found out he'd actually used it to make
0:36a few calls and he hadn't asked me
0:38first. And that's when I ran out of
0:40patience. In the end, I took the battery
0:44out so he couldn't use it. It was kind
0:46of mean, but it was driving me crazy.
0:53two. Hannah,
0:56>> I had just started a new job in a new
0:58city and I saw a posting on the internet
1:01for an apartment to share with someone
1:03in another department in my company. She
1:06seemed okay. We had similar taste in
1:09music and movies and sense of humor. But
1:12after about a month, things weren't
1:15good. For example, she never took the
1:18trash out. Never. And it was always me
1:21who cleaned up after she had friends
1:23over for meals and stuff. I didn't mind
1:26that she had her friends over. They were
1:29fun. But it was always me who put the
1:32table and chairs back and everything. So
1:35anyway, we finally sat down and went
1:37over it all. And I said it wasn't
1:39working out. She just couldn't see what
1:41the problem was and said if I didn't
1:43like the way she lived, I could move
1:46out. And in the end, I did because, you
1:50know, I suppose I just couldn't put up
1:52with the mess any longer.
1:57>> Three, Emilio,
2:00>> I had to share a hotel room with a
2:03colleague one time for two weeks. We
2:05were on a training program together, and
2:08I know I'm kind of a neat freak, but
2:10this guy was just amazing. I don't think
2:13he knew what a closet was. He would walk
2:16in the door and literally kick his shoes
2:18off in the air and wherever they landed
2:20is where he left them. He never put them
2:23away in the closet. I kept finding his
2:25clothes, especially his dirty socks,
2:28under my bed, which was really annoying.
2:32He didn't pick up his dirty laundry off
2:34the floor. Not once. I did it. I suppose
2:38I should have said something or come up
2:40with some rules or something about
2:42cleaning up our own mess, but I never
2:44said anything. But, you know, next time
2:47a training session comes up, I'll ask if
2:50I can have my own room.
2:56>> Four. Cassie,
2:59>> when I was in college, I shared a dorm
3:01room with the worst roommate you can
3:03imagine. There was food and clothes
3:07everywhere. I mean, she didn't clean her
3:09mess up or pick her clothes up. She was
3:12even sleeping with leftover food under
3:14her bed, which was disgusting.
3:17So, finally, I asked her to clean it up.
3:21And boy, she just lost her temper with
3:23me and said it was none of my business.
3:26And she called her mom. And I don't know
3:28what her mom said, but she didn't like
3:31it. So, she was yelling and throwing
3:33stuff around. Finally, I called housing
3:36and they moved her to another dorm.
3:46Only children and siblings compare
3:48experiences growing up.
3:51One Osman.
3:54>> People often say it must be stressful to
3:56live like that, but it wasn't. There was
4:00always somebody to play with and share
4:01secrets with and everything. I think
4:03it's important for kids to be around
4:05other kids. I guess the only thing was I
4:08used to long for somewhere quiet to
4:10study.
4:14>> Two, Sophia,
4:17>> I suppose I was a bit lonely being by
4:19myself all the time. I was always having
4:22to find ways to occupy myself and like
4:25there was no one else to blame if I got
4:27into trouble. I couldn't get away with
4:29anything. It's hard to tell how it
4:32affected me, but it's not worth worrying
4:34about now, though.
4:38>> Three. Lily.
4:42>> Looking back, I don't know how my mom
4:43did it as a single parent. It was
4:46impossible for her to have time for
4:48herself. Still, we always had enough to
4:51eat, nice clothes to wear, books to
4:53read, etc. We were very close. Maybe
4:58because it was just the three of us.
5:03>> Four. Shawn.
5:06Personally, I had no real problems
5:08growing up. I got lots of attention, but
5:11I guess there was a lot of pressure on
5:13me to do well in school. I mean, I don't
5:16feel I missed out on anything. I had
5:18lots of opportunities to socialize with
5:20other kids in school.
5:24>> Speaker one.
5:27The unusual thing about us is the age
5:29range. At 16, I'm the youngest by two
5:33years, and the oldest player is in her
5:3550s. You might think this would cause
5:38problems, but our love of the game
5:40brings us together. As the baby of the
5:43team, the older members have kind of
5:45taken me under their wing, you know,
5:48really taken care of me. Winning is
5:51important, but we also have fun. After
5:54every game, we give an award for
5:56something silly. One player usually
5:59falls over on the pitch and so she often
6:01wins it. I also learn all sorts of
6:04things from overhearing the older
6:06women's conversations.
6:10>> Speaker two.
6:13I was asked to join the team to
6:14represent our class in a tournament. To
6:17be honest, I wasn't very keen, but the
6:20others stressed how much they needed a
6:21fourth member, so I gave in.
6:24It turned out that the team's general
6:25knowledge was really broad. We won by
6:28miles and then I got hooked and we
6:31haven't looked back. We now compete once
6:33a week. Older teams are surprised at how
6:36much we get right, not just the
6:38stereotypical teen stuff on music or
6:40sport. We've been very successful and
6:44that's down to training. Yes. When our
6:47classmates are running around outside,
6:49we're asking each other questions.
6:53Speaker three.
6:56>> My first love was gymnastics, so I've
6:58always had a sense of rhythm and timing.
7:01Then two years ago, I was at a festival
7:04and I saw this group perform live and I
7:06thought, I have got to do that. As soon
7:09as I arrived home, I found a local club
7:12and asked if I could join. They were a
7:14talented and established team and there
7:17I was a complete beginner. So the answer
7:19was no. I was desperate to be allowed in
7:23and eventually the director agreed to
7:25let me join. After hours of work and
7:28dedication, I'm a regular performer with
7:30the club now.
7:33>> Speaker 4.
7:36Everyone thinks that teens are glued to
7:38their screens all day, zapping aliens or
7:40zooming around a racetrack. Sure, I
7:42enjoy online gaming, but it can be a bit
7:45solitary. You can spend hours without
7:48speaking to anyone. That's why I formed
7:50the club to bring people my age together
7:52to have fun in a different way. And we
7:55don't play just chess or cards. There's
7:58so much on offer now. It's not just
8:01moving a counter around a board and
8:03scoring points. I enjoy the more
8:06strategic challenges where you need to
8:08come up with a solution to a problem and
8:10create a win-win situation.
8:14>> Speaker five.
8:17The group is run by a lady who was a
8:19professional, so we take on quite
8:21ambitious projects. She pushes us hard,
8:24but then we get very good reviews. At
8:27first, I joined just to help out with
8:29costumes and lighting, things like that.
8:32It was just something different to do at
8:34weekends and in the holidays.
8:37And then someone dropped out and they
8:39needed a standin. It was only a small
8:42part, but I found I really enjoyed it.
8:45And now I'm a regular on stage. I don't
8:48think I'd ever want to do it as a
8:50career, but it's really helped build my
8:52confidence.
9:01>> Speaker one.
9:03At school, I was always a bit of a
9:05loner. I didn't quite fit in somehow.
9:08But when I got into uni, I decided to
9:10join a choir. They became like a second
9:13family to me. And since then, I've never
9:15looked back. The choir had belief in me
9:17as a singer somehow. I had a good voice
9:20and nothing else really mattered. It was
9:23an ac capella group, so we sang without
9:25any piano accompaniment. We even got
9:27chosen for a TV show and I was the one
9:29who performed the solo. In my wildest
9:32dreams, I never thought I'd ever perform
9:34to an audience of millions.
9:38Speaker two.
9:41Despite the fact that I can't sing to
9:43save my life, I'd always wanted to do
9:45something with music or rhythm in some
9:47way. My brother was a drummer in a band,
9:50and it must have been that influence
9:51that got me to sign up for percussion
9:53lessons. Do you know something? I think
9:56drum lessons should be compulsory for
9:58all young people. There's nothing like
10:00bashing away at a drum to get rid of all
10:02your worries. Now, I'm a member of a
10:05drum circle and we play at lots of
10:07venues at weekends. It's exhilarating.
10:10and the other members of the circle are
10:12amazing.
10:15>> Speaker three.
10:18A couple of years ago, a friend taught
10:19me how to play a few simple chords on
10:21the guitar. Even though I'll never be
10:24really good at it, at least I was able
10:26to play along to the words I wrote.
10:28Songwriting for me is the way I express
10:30myself. And my friends who play in a
10:32band like what I write. I get a real
10:35buzz when I hear them singing my lyrics
10:37in concerts. My parents didn't believe
10:39me when I first told them about the
10:40songwriting. I was more into active
10:43things like sports at school, but
10:45they're really proud of their songwriter
10:47son.
10:50>> Speaker four.
10:52>> The violin has been my instrument ever
10:55since I was small. Now that I'm at music
10:58college, it really is my whole life. But
11:01what has also made a huge difference is
11:03the fact that I belong to an
11:05international youth orchestra. We meet
11:07up in different countries and perform
11:09music together. The language barrier
11:12does cause some tricky moments, of
11:14course, but we all get along amazingly
11:16well despite that. Having friends from
11:19different cultures through a love for
11:21music really makes you appreciate and
11:23understand different lifestyles. We've
11:25even started exchanging visits to each
11:27other's families in the summer.
11:31Speaker five.
11:34I've been through the usual years of
11:36piano lessons and exams, but I wanted to
11:38try something different. Then a friend
11:40of mine who's a singer asked if I could
11:43accompany her on the piano while she
11:45sang, and we could perhaps get around to
11:47playing somewhere together as a duo. I
11:50was surprised by how much I enjoyed it.
11:52Not only was I playing some really nice
11:55music, but I was also supporting someone
11:58else rather than appearing solo in
12:00public. That I find rather stressful.
12:03We've now played several gigs around the
12:04local area, and I'm really happy about
12:07this new direction my music has taken
12:09me.
12:17Living life as a spy. An excerpt from
12:20Stormbreaker by Anthony Horowitz.
12:25>> The worst time to feel alone is when
12:27you're in a crowd. Alex Ryder was
12:29walking across the playground surrounded
12:31by hundreds of boys and girls of about
12:33his own age. They were all heading in
12:36the same direction, all wearing the same
12:38blue and gray uniform. All of them
12:40thinking much the same thoughts. The
12:43last lesson of the day had just ended.
12:45Homework, tea, and television would fill
12:47the remaining hours until bed. Another
12:49school day. So why did he feel so out of
12:53it? As if he were watching the last
12:55weeks of the term from the other side of
12:56a giant glass screen.
12:59Alex jerked his backpack over one
13:01shoulder and continued towards the bike
13:03shed. The bag was heavy. As usual, it
13:07contained double homework, French, and
13:09history. He had missed two weeks of
13:11school, and he was having to work hard
13:13to catch up. His teachers had not been
13:16sympathetic. Nobody had said as much,
13:18but when he had finally returned with a
13:20doctor's letter, a bad dose of flu with
13:23complications, they had nodded and
13:25smiled and secretly thought him a little
13:27bit pampered and spoiled. On the other
13:30hand, they had to make allowances. They
13:32all knew that Alex had no parents, that
13:35he had been living with an uncle who had
13:36died in some sort of car accident. But
13:39even so, two weeks in bed, even his
13:42closest friends had to admit that was a
13:44bit much. Alex looked around him at the
13:48children streaming through the school
13:49gates, some dribbling footballs, some on
13:52their mobile phones. He looked at the
13:54teachers curling themselves into their
13:56secondhand cars. At first, he had
13:59thought that the whole school had
14:00somehow changed while he was away. But
14:03he knew now that what had happened was
14:05worse. Everything was the same. It was
14:08he who had changed.
14:11Alex was 14 years old, an ordinary
14:13school boy in an ordinary West London
14:15comprehensive, or he had been. Only a
14:19few weeks ago, he had discovered that
14:21his uncle had been a secret agent
14:22working for MI6. The uncle, Ian Ryder,
14:26had been murdered, and MI6 had forced
14:28Alex to take his place. They had given
14:31him a crash course in SAS survival
14:33techniques and sent him on a lunatic
14:36mission on the South Coast. He had been
14:38chased, shot at, and almost killed. And
14:41at the end of it, he had been packed off
14:43and sent back to school as if nothing
14:45had happened. But first, they had made
14:48him sign the Official Secrets Act. Alex
14:50smiled at the memory of it. He didn't
14:52need to sign anything. Who would have
14:55believed him anyway? But it was the
14:57secrecy that was getting to him now.
14:59Whenever anyone asked him what he had
15:01been doing in the weeks he'd been away,
15:03he'd been forced to tell them that he'd
15:05been in bed reading, slouching around
15:07the house, whatever. Alex didn't want to
15:10boast about what he'd done, but he hated
15:13having to deceive his friends. It made
15:15him angry. MI6 hadn't just put him in
15:18danger. They'd locked his whole life in
15:21a filing cabinet and thrown away the
15:23key. He had reached the bike shed.
15:26Somebody muttered a goodbye in his
15:28direction, and he nodded, then reached
15:30up to brush away the single strand of
15:32fair hair that had fallen over his eye.
15:35Sometimes he wished that the whole
15:36business with MI6 had never happened.
15:39But at the same time, he had to admit
15:41it. Part of him wanted it all to happen
15:44again. Sometimes he felt that he no
15:46longer belonged in the safe, comfortable
15:48world of Brooklyn School. Too much had
15:51changed. And at the end of the day,
15:54anything was better than double
15:55homework.
16:03>> Speaker one.
16:05>> The teacher sets different tasks each
16:07week. Sometimes there's a model in a
16:10particular pose. Sometimes we do
16:12portraits. Accurate representation is
16:15not the only thing that matters.
16:17Sometimes we use ink and the teacher
16:19pushes us to be brave and not worry that
16:21we won't be able to rub out mistakes.
16:24This class is part of my effort to
16:25discover different things I'm good at.
16:27That's why for the last 3 years I've
16:29tried a lot of classes with various
16:31friends. Drama, photography, country
16:34dancing. The big factor in my enjoyment
16:37of this class is that to my total
16:39surprise, I found I'm very able and can
16:41produce work I'm pleased with. It's
16:44unexpected. I wasn't aware I had this in
16:46me.
16:50>> Speaker two.
16:52>> I was finding it difficult to get out of
16:55bed at weekends and I was spending a lot
16:58of time on social media and online
17:01games. I realized I was becoming
17:04antisocial and depressed and needed to
17:07change.
17:09My aim was to become more energetic,
17:11more sociable, and healthier.
17:14I started going to a gym, but it was
17:16dull. Then I found a group that meets in
17:20local parks and we work out together
17:23every evening. I've got to know some of
17:25the people very well. Without their
17:28encouragement, I couldn't have
17:30continued. We really push each other
17:32when we're not doing our best or
17:34thinking of giving up. My strength,
17:37flexibility, and stamina have increased
17:39in just two months, and I am a lot more
17:43sociable.
17:46>> Speaker three.
17:49>> There are four of us in green luggage,
17:52and we're all good friends. We play in
17:55youth clubs or at parties. We even get
17:59paid sometimes for our performances.
18:02I didn't like violin lessons at school,
18:05but my parents insisted and actually it
18:09has turned out for the best. All those
18:13lessons and practice in the school
18:15orchestra mean I can now play anything.
18:19Country dance music, romantic songs.
18:23My parents would still prefer me to play
18:25in an orchestra, but I just say no. You
18:29see, I've become stronger since being in
18:33green luggage, and I don't let anyone
18:36push me around. I love what I do, though
18:39I don't plan to turn it into a career.
18:45>> Speaker four.
18:47>> On Saturdays, I work in a sport shop to
18:50make money for traveling. Last year, I
18:52saved enough for a trip to France. I
18:55cycled and camped and met some great
18:57people. You can read all about it on my
19:00blog. By the way, this summer I'm
19:03spending two weeks camping in Greece. I
19:06always keep a diary during my trips,
19:08then write articles about them for my
19:10college magazine. And as I mentioned, I
19:13also have my own travel blog, which is
19:16turning out to be quite popular with
19:17students all over Europe. Writing about
19:20my trips has shown me that one day I
19:23could turn this hobby into my ideal way
19:25of earning a living.
19:30Speaker five.
19:32I enjoy drawing and painting, but the
19:34great thing about a camera is that you
19:36only need one piece of equipment,
19:38although you can do a lot on a computer
19:40to change an image if you want to. I
19:42take my camera wherever I go and use it
19:45whenever I get the chance. I like to
19:47snap people, buildings, sea, sky,
19:50patterns, shapes. For me, it's a way of
19:53creating something new and unique. I
19:56don't go for the obvious angle or the
19:57obvious pose. I want people to look at
19:59my pictures and be amazed when they see
20:02something different. I don't understand
20:04those people you see at tourist sites
20:05all taking the same picture. What's the
20:08point?
20:15Today, I'd like to describe the company
20:17retreats we can create for your
20:18business. A company retreat can be
20:21described as anytime managers and
20:23employees take a break from their daily
20:25work. They typically spend time in a
20:28pleasant location away from the office
20:30participating in activities that help
20:32build stronger relationships. We offer a
20:36wide range of options from 1-day to
20:387-day retreats. If you'd like a cabin in
20:41the mountains, we'll arrange that. If
20:43you think your team would prefer a
20:44beach-like setting, we'll assist with
20:46that, too. The main benefit of a company
20:50retreat is that it builds trust among
20:52your staff. Our events are designed to
20:55encourage communication and problem
20:57solving in a relaxed environment. One
21:00recent client said our retreat
21:02contributed to much higher levels of
21:04collaboration, even several months after
21:06the retreat was over. Another client
21:09reported they had so much fun that they
21:11were planning to return next year. By
21:14the way, having fun is another upside of
21:16our events.
21:18>> Once we get everyone together in one
21:20place, what are we supposed to do with
21:22them? I'm concerned that my employees
21:24will be bored.
21:26>> That's where our greatest strength lies.
21:28We organize activities that appeal to
21:31all personality types. So, say one group
21:34wants to go on a hike and another
21:36prefers to play a game. We'll oversee
21:39both groups, making sure each one has a
21:42specific common goal to reach. Then the
21:45groups have to report back to each
21:47other, demonstrating how they worked as
21:49a team during their activities.
21:51>> I tried to organize a retreat myself
21:54once, and it was a disaster.
21:57It was nearly impossible to get everyone
21:59together at the same time.
22:01>> Yes, that's a valid concern. One tricky
22:04issue with retreats is scheduling. We'll
22:07work with you to choose the best
22:09possible time frame and help you come up
22:11with scheduling solutions. Our job is to
22:14help you take the pressure off yourself.
22:17That way, you can focus on building
22:19relationships among your staff and maybe
22:22even have a little fun yourself. I'd
22:25like to point out another potential
22:27problem. When employees are asked to
22:29take part in a retreat, they often worry
22:31that their work will suffer. They wonder
22:34who will keep an eye on their clients
22:35while they're gone. We'll work with you
22:38so you can assure them that there won't
22:39be negative consequences to attending a
22:42company retreat.
23:30So Shelby Raphael, you're interested in
23:33job sharing?
23:35>> I'm not sure it's for me, but I'm
23:38interested in finding out more about it.
23:41>> Yeah, as we get closer to graduation,
23:44it's starting to interest me. Could you
23:47tell us more about it?
23:49>> Of course. It's an interesting idea
23:52worth considering. It's when two people
23:55share the same job and they each work
23:57fewer hours. The main benefit is that
24:00the employees have more time for
24:02themselves. For example, it's perfect
24:05for people who have young children or
24:08for someone who is starting a business
24:09at home
24:10>> or for someone in a band like me. It
24:14would be great to only work in the
24:16afternoons, especially on the days after
24:19late night performances. And for someone
24:22just starting a job, another plus is
24:24that you could really learn a lot from
24:26your job sharing partner.
24:29>> But the downside is that you may never
24:31see the person you're job sharing with.
24:34That could be frustrating.
24:36Well, one tricky issue is deciding
24:39exactly how to divide up the job, who
24:42takes on what aspects of the job. But
24:45all of that can usually be worked out,
24:47especially if you have a good boss or
24:50manager who oversees the work.
24:53>> Yeah. And it gives you the advantage of
24:55doing the parts of a job you're best at.
24:58That seems like a good thing.
25:00I'd be concerned that I'd get stuck with
25:02all of the awful work, especially as a
25:05new employee.
25:07That would be something to be careful
25:09about.
25:11>> The upside is that with more time off
25:13during the week, people aren't so
25:15stressed at work. At least that's what I
25:18read in an article.
25:20>> Yeah, but one potential problem is
25:23money. Sharing work means sharing pay.
25:27That's a good point, Shelby. Job sharing
25:30definitely isn't for everyone, but for
25:32someone like Raphael who has other
25:35interests and commitments outside of a
25:37day job, it could be a nice option. And
25:40you never know, it might be something
25:42you'll want to do in the future.
26:45How are things? Is Britney still living
26:48with you?
26:49>> Yeah, she is. But to be honest, things
26:52are difficult. There's a lot of friction
26:54at the moment.
26:55>> Why am I not surprised?
26:57>> I know. You've been through all this
26:59with Nick, haven't you? Oh yeah.
27:01>> What I'm saying is it's hard for us to
27:04talk to her right now and it's costing
27:06us a fortune.
27:07>> You know, when Nick was home after the
27:10first month, we stopped helping him out
27:12financially. We just refused to lend him
27:14money.
27:15>> To tell you the truth, I'm not sure that
27:17we could do that. Her friends all get
27:20help from their parents. So,
27:22>> and he had to buy his own little extras.
27:24We paid for his food and that was all.
27:28He had to buy his own clothes and things
27:30like shampoo and everything.
27:32>> Well, that sounds reasonable. The thing
27:34is, she doesn't seem very motivated
27:37right now. I don't mean that she doesn't
27:39want a job, but she seems to keep
27:41putting it off. And quite frankly, she
27:43should be sending off her resume to lots
27:45of places. Instead, she's watching
27:48movies all day.
27:50>> Well, why not have a rule that says she
27:52has to apply for one job every single
27:54day? That's what we did. We just
27:57insisted and he did. Well, except on the
28:01weekends.
28:02>> Yeah. And he's got a job now, right? So,
28:06it worked. H, that sounds like a good
28:09idea,
28:10>> right? And does she have a date to move
28:12out?
28:13>> Um, no.
28:15>> That was another thing. And I have to
28:18say it was the best thing we did. We
28:20said to him, we said, "You have 6 months
28:23to get a job and to find a place to
28:25rent." Boy, you're tough. I honestly
28:28don't know that we could ask her to
28:30leave. But in any case, you should go on
28:32TV advising parents about this stuff.
28:35>> Well, I'm not saying that we wanted to
28:37throw him out of the house, but we
28:39wanted him to get on his feet. In other
28:41words, just to be independent.
28:44>> H I have to say that sounds appealing.
28:47>> Oh, and then when he did move out, we
28:49changed the locks.
28:52>> You didn't?
28:54>> We sure did. I'm not saying he's not
28:56welcome. We love to see him and his
28:59friends, too. But what I mean is he
29:02comes as our guest. Frankly, it's tough
29:05love, but honestly, it works.
30:00You're listening to the Ask Allison
30:02Show. Call in and tell me your
30:05complaint. Let's get started. Mark is
30:08our first caller today. Hi Mark. What's
30:12your complaint?
30:13>> Hi, thanks for taking my call. Um, my
30:17brother Chris comes over for dinner a
30:19few times a month. I mean, it's just
30:22casual pizza or pasta, you know, nothing
30:25fancy. But the thing is, he never shows
30:29up on time, which is really annoying.
30:32You know, I do the cooking and then I
30:34end up waiting to eat. And another thing
30:37is I have to do the dishes every single
30:40time. You know, he never helps me clean
30:43up afterward. He acts like he's in a
30:45restaurant. I mean, I know he's family,
30:49but
30:50>> it's no fun having a guest who always
30:52takes and never gives. It's important
30:55for your brother to know that this is
30:57not okay. Since he comes to your home
31:00regularly, it's time to say something.
31:03Just say, "Chris, I always look forward
31:06to having you over, but it would be
31:09great if you could arrive on time and
31:11help me clean up after dinner." Okay,
31:14our next caller is Laura, and she has a
31:18few problems with a friend.
31:20>> Hi, here's my complaint. So, my roommate
31:24Mariela and I do everything together,
31:27but we have another friend, Carrie, who
31:29lives across town. The problem is she's
31:32always inviting herself to do things
31:33with us. So, if she hears about our
31:36plans, she'll show up wherever we are
31:38and tag along with us, sometimes for the
31:40whole weekend. We've tried telling her
31:43gently that she's not welcome unless
31:45she's invited, but she doesn't get it.
31:47I'm not saying we want to drive her away
31:49completely, but we want to do things on
31:51our own, too, sometimes. So, how do we
31:54get her off our backs without offending
31:56her? Since you've tried to tell Carrie
31:59gently, you must now tell her clearly.
32:02Simply say that you don't want to hurt
32:04her feelings, but sometimes you and
32:07Mariela want time together to hang out
32:10by yourselves without her. In other
32:13words, don't be too gentle. Be firm.
32:18Berto is our next caller. What's the
32:21problem, Berto?
32:23>> Well, it's my girlfriend. We've been
32:26going out for 6 months now, and she's
32:28always wanting us to do things together.
32:31I work really long hours, you know, and
32:33I feel as if she's putting pressure on
32:35me all the time. She's driving me crazy.
32:38I never have any free time for myself or
32:41for my friends. How can I make her
32:44understand that I need time for myself,
32:46too?
32:47>> Berto, have you tried going over this
32:50with your girlfriend? I think that you
32:52both need to work on this together to
32:54find a solution. You need to find a
32:57balance. Quite frankly, your girlfriend
33:00needs to find something else to do so
33:02you can have some time to yourself and
33:05also find time to be with your friends.
33:08Schedule a couple of regular date
33:10nights, say Wednesdays and Fridays. Tell
33:14your girlfriend you'll see her then, and
33:16tell her clearly that Saturday night is
33:19your time. Then you'll still have time
33:21for yourself and for your other friends.
33:24Well, that's all we have time for today.
33:27Thanks for calling Ask Allison. I'm
33:30Allison Duffy and I look forward to
33:32chatting with you soon.

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