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Women LOVE Men Who Show Interest, But Only Like This — Transcript

by Carter Weber · 4,513 words · 663 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00One of the most corrosive ideas in
0:02modern day dating advice for men is that
0:04when you show your interest in a woman,
0:06she will lose attraction for you, she
0:08will devalue you, and she will pull
0:11away. And this idea is so asinine, it is
0:14so incorrect and lacking in nuance that
0:18I felt it was imperative that I make
0:20this presentation for you to save you
0:22from the hell that this advice will
0:24bring you because the reality is is when
0:26you act this way where you're acting all
0:28mysterious and enigmatic and alpha, the
0:31reality is is what's going to happen is
0:32this.
0:33You're going to feel like you're always
0:35performing when you're around women.
0:36You're never being authentic and just
0:38letting yourself breathe, letting the
0:39interest be expressed the way that you'd
0:41like it to. And it's probably going to
0:43confuse the [ __ ] out of the women that
0:44you're talking to and just make you look
0:45[ __ ] weak. Because when you're
0:47completely unable to show interest in a
0:49way that is consistent and honest and
0:51genuine, it makes you look a weak. It
0:53just makes you look like you're a
0:54try-hard. It makes you look like you're
0:56not actually that confident and the
0:58advice backfires on you, makes you feel
1:00fake, and it puts more distance between
1:02you and women rather than connecting you
1:04and creating the strong bonds that I
1:06know you're after. Because listen, on
1:08the converse, when you actually show
1:10interest in women correctly, then what
1:13happens is this. They more often than
1:16not will actually have increased
1:17attraction towards you, they will have
1:19more respect towards you, and the bond
1:21between the two of you will feel
1:23stronger and more real because again,
1:25it's not based on a performance, it's
1:27based on a genuine display of your
1:29intentions and what you feel. However,
1:32the way that you go about showing that
1:33interest is what makes the difference
1:36and the devil is in the details, okay?
1:38So, what I'm going to do today is
1:39explain to you exactly how this how to
1:42show interest correctly
1:44so that you can create these types of
1:46results when you're talking to women,
1:48okay? And if you're new here, my name is
1:49Carter Webb. I have been studying and
1:52practicing social dynamics, attraction,
1:54and connection dating advice for 10
1:57years. What I do on the channel is I
1:58teach you how to just express yourself
2:00in a way that creates attraction and
2:02connection in a way that's very
2:03authentic and unique to you. So, you can
2:05have these social and dating results
2:07that you want. So, look,
2:10this idea of men not wanting to show
2:13interest in women,
2:14where does it really come from in my
2:16opinion? How did it become so [ __ ]
2:18popular in the first place? Well,
2:20reality is is that in the mind of men,
2:24right? If we're just looking at us as a
2:25cultural kind of organism here. In the
2:28mind of most men, they associate showing
2:30interest in women as being needy. They
2:33tie the two things together. And so,
2:36showing interest has this negative
2:38connotation to it in most men's minds.
2:40And so, then we throw out the baby with
2:43the bathwater. And that's where the
2:44advice starts to become alpha male
2:46cringe, third grader style advice where
2:49there's just lacking
2:51honestly it's it's even lower than third
2:52grader grader style advice. Just
2:54[ __ ] advice. It's just lacking in
2:57nuance. And that's where we start to run
2:59into problems, okay?
3:00Because the average man in our society
3:03does not behave in a way that creates
3:06attraction. It is really the top 5% of
3:08men, 10% of men that create attraction
3:11in women.
3:12And that is not because they're
3:13inherently better because they look
3:15smacks or they [ __ ]
3:17jaws are sized more than you. That's
3:19just because they had positive social
3:22experiences growing up more than likely
3:23with women, with people in general. They
3:26started to express themselves in a more
3:27outgoing way. And because attraction in
3:30women is primarily based on behavior,
3:33as a result, they started getting good
3:35results with women and it became a
3:37snowball effect where they just became
3:38more outgoing, more confident. And
3:40that's the top 5% of men, top 10% of
3:42men. And they create attraction in women
3:44behaviorally. Now, those men, the way
3:46that they show interest is not like the
3:48average guy. In our culture, 80 90% of
3:51men,
3:52they show interest coming from a place
3:54of scarcity and coming from a place of
3:56lacking social intelligence. They show
3:58interest in girls in a way that is
4:00[ __ ] creepy, in a way that is pushy,
4:02in a way that is needy. And so, yes, of
4:04course, that's going to turn women off
4:06because when a woman is talking to you,
4:08her unconscious mind, and this is just
4:10This just goes for people in general, by
4:11the way, but her unconscious mind,
4:14specifically when when we're keeping it
4:16in the realm of dating,
4:18is going, "Okay, is this guy used to
4:21attracting women? Is he used to
4:23successfully
4:24having interactions with them?"
4:26Basically, she's saying, "Is he
4:27comfortable in his own skin?" If you are
4:30comfortable in your own skin while
4:31you're talking to her, she associate She
4:34associates you in her mind as being
4:36higher in status and she feels
4:38attraction towards you. That is how
4:40attraction works in human beings. We
4:42move to towards those who we perceive as
4:44being higher in status. We want to form
4:46a bond with them, platonic or romantic,
4:49okay? Now, unfortunately,
4:51the way that most guys go about
4:53communicating their personality to women
4:55is in a way where it just comes across
4:58unattractive, all right? And again, the
5:00the top five or 10% of men that are good
5:03with women, they're not just inherently
5:05better than the other, you know, vast
5:08swaths of men out there, which I used to
5:10be a part of this group when I was
5:10younger, who had probably more negative
5:13social experiences growing up, who
5:15learned how to communicate their
5:16personality in a way that was more
5:18subdued, and who had more scarcity, lack
5:20of options, and became needy as a
5:22result. It's just again because these
5:25guys
5:26they developed better communication
5:28growing up. Now, of course, in the age
5:30of information, you can learn how to
5:32undo this, and this is exactly what this
5:34channel's all about. This is exactly
5:35what the coaching I do is all about.
5:37It's about undoing those patterns that
5:39you picked that you picked up growing up
5:41that caused you to project yourself in a
5:43way that was low status. And what are
5:45those patterns when it comes to men
5:46interacting with women? Well, one of the
5:48big ones is the way they show interest.
5:50And
5:51this is where showing interest gets its
5:53bad reputation. Most men, the way that
5:55they show interest is coming from that
5:57place of scarcity, where they're just
5:59needy. They're talking to a girl and the
6:01girl can tell that the the guy they're
6:04talking to is not used to succeeding
6:07with women. He is not used to being
6:09around women of her quality. He is not
6:12used to
6:13just showing interest and having it work
6:14out. He's used to getting [ __ ]
6:16rejected. That conveys a lower status in
6:18her mind. And look, she might be polite
6:20to that guy, but she's not going to feel
6:22that emotional response that fires off
6:25that is attraction. All right? And
6:28that's the first thing that you need to
6:29understand. Most men show interest in a
6:31way that is needy, in a way that is
6:32pushy, and that is never how you show
6:34interest. That's always going to
6:35backfire on you. And so, as a result,
6:37culturally, it gets a negative
6:38connotation put with There's also this
6:41misconception that high-value men never
6:43show interest, which is [ __ ]
6:45[ __ ] Okay? It's absolute [ __ ]
6:47[ __ ] Because the reality is is that
6:49high-value men, right? High-value men,
6:52they show interest, but it's usually
6:55done in a way that's more subtle, or
6:56it's done in a way where there is zero
6:58neediness attached to it. And let me
7:00dive into more detail on what I mean by
7:03that. So, let's take the context of you
7:06seeing a woman out in public that you
7:07want to approach, for example. Or maybe
7:09this is at a social gathering and you
7:10want to go say hi to her. So, there's
7:13different ways that, you know, you can
7:15initiate an interaction with a woman.
7:17You can initiate an interaction where
7:18you just go up to her and you basically
7:20tell her, "Hey, I thought you were
7:21pretty. I wanted to come and say hi."
7:22You can do some [ __ ] like that.
7:24You can also initiate an interaction in
7:27a way where it's more indirect, where
7:29you're kind of just making an obser- an
7:31observational comment. You're talking
7:32with her, just kind of being social.
7:34However, in your intentions, it's still
7:37clear that you're interested in her.
7:39These are really the best ways to show
7:40interest, and you can do one or the
7:43other. Now,
7:45this whole
7:47So so long story short, you're either
7:49conveying interest up front verbally or
7:51you're conveying interest in your
7:52subcommunications, in your behavioral
7:54cues. So you're going up and you're
7:56talking about whatever, but it's the way
7:58that you communicate with her that shows
8:00that interest. So it could be the fact
8:01that you're kind of physical as a
8:03person. It could be the fact that you're
8:04just looking directly into her eyes
8:06while you're talking. Could be in the
8:07fact that your tonality is one where
8:10you're just there's some umph behind it.
8:12Rather than you talking like this, like
8:14you're just afraid to show interest,
8:16it's like boom. It's like you're talking
8:17like this, how you would normally talk
8:19with friends. There's different
8:20subcommunications, I break them down in
8:21different videos, but the point is is
8:23that when you initiate,
8:25the way to initiate that's attractive is
8:27one where you're either verbally showing
8:28interest or you're showing interest in
8:29the subcommunications. Now, when you
8:32walk up to that girl and you display
8:34interest, here's what it communicates to
8:36her and this is why it's attractive.
8:38Basically, it shows that you're the type
8:40of man where your mentality is I see, I
8:43take. Confidence, conviction, okay? When
8:47When you do the opens, when you do the
8:49initiations properly. But it's this I
8:51see, I take mentality that actually
8:52conveys higher status. Because it's only
8:54somebody who's been successful in the
8:56past that has the confidence to actually
8:58do that in the first place. So when
9:00you're the type of man who you can just
9:01go up to a girl and you can just be
9:04unabashed in the way that you show that
9:05interest, but of course in a way where
9:08you don't want her to feel like you're
9:09being pushy or anything like that. But
9:12if you can just convey that interest in
9:13a way where it's like, "I'm interested
9:15in you." But there's no neediness behind
9:18it. It's an invitation rather than an
9:20expectation, the girl respects the [ __ ]
9:22out of you. Cuz it's like, "Whoa, this
9:24guy just says it how it is. He doesn't
9:25need to play games. He doesn't need to
9:26beat around the bush. He's not afraid to
9:29let me know that he likes me."
9:31So it's very attractive to them when you
9:33have when you have this I see, I take
9:35mentality and you just go up to them and
9:37you're able to communicate that interest
9:38in them. Whereas, conversely, if you're
9:41the type of guy who cannot express his
9:43intentions in a woman and the
9:45interaction is very sanitized, she
9:47doesn't even [ __ ] know if you're
9:48interested or not, or she probably gets
9:50the impression that you are, but you're
9:51afraid to show that interest, that's
9:53going to convey lower status because
9:54again, it sub-communicates that you're
9:56used to getting rejected. So,
9:58inherently, it displays higher status
10:00and creates attraction when you can show
10:02interest comfortably and when you can
10:04show interest in a way where there's
10:06zero neediness attached to it. And by
10:08the way, what does that also communicate
10:10when there's zero neediness?
10:11Communicates you probably have other
10:12options.
10:13It sub-communicates you probably have
10:14other options. Because it's only a only
10:17a guy who's very attached to that
10:18interaction
10:20um is the type of guy who, you know,
10:22he's not used to interacting with women
10:23of that quality or he's not used to
10:25dating the women that he wants. Whereas,
10:26the guy who's used to interacting with
10:28women of that quality or has other
10:30options, he's not going to be needy at
10:32all. It's like this is an invitation.
10:34All right, I'm just coming up and
10:35expressing my interest that I feel. It's
10:36an invitation, it's not an expectation.
10:38So, it communicates multiple positive
10:40things when you're able to do that and
10:42women love being approached. Now, of
10:43course, if you approach women in a way
10:45that is creepy, if you approach them
10:47where you're staring at the ground,
10:48you're
10:49right like that, they're going to be
10:51like, "What the [ __ ] going on here?"
10:52Okay? And that's a rite of passage you
10:53go through when you start approaching
10:55cuz it's scary at first. But, reality is
10:57is that it's attractive to show interest
11:00in women up front. It's about the way
11:01that you do it. Now, this is the next
11:03nuanced point that comes into play,
11:05though.
11:06When you're talking to a girl, there is
11:08this dynamic underneath the surface and
11:10this goes for all sort of for all dating
11:12interactions or social interactions, but
11:14specifically in dating, there is this
11:16dynamic called the sorting-selling
11:18dynamic. And basically, it is this. The
11:21girl is auditing
11:23whether you're the type of guy who is
11:25just so used to being around women like
11:27her that you just express yourself
11:29freely and you're pretty much seeing if
11:32you like her or if you're the type of
11:34guy that is going up to her and is not
11:36used to being around women like her, not
11:38used to succeeding, and as a result it's
11:39a big deal to you and you're trying to
11:41sell yourself to her and win her over.
11:43This is the sorting selling dynamic. The
11:45way that you act, whether you're
11:47self-conscious, trying to win her over,
11:49and you really need good validation from
11:52you really need good responses and
11:53validation from her, if she can see
11:55that, she's going to automatically put
11:57you in the selling or seller box in her
12:00mind. Wow, this is the guy type of guy
12:02that goes up and sells himself to women
12:03like me. He's not used to being around
12:05women of my quality. So, immediately
12:07if you're showing interest, but you're
12:09doing so in a way where you're coming
12:11across like you're selling yourself,
12:12that is unattractive and I'll explain to
12:14you practically how to not fall under
12:16this category in a moment. Now, the
12:18other way is sorting, right? The other
12:21box that you'll get put into is sorting
12:23and that's where pretty much the girl
12:24can just tell that you're grounded in
12:26your own self-expression. You're just
12:28expressing yourself freely, you're not
12:29self-conscious around her, and you don't
12:31need her to make you feel good. You
12:33don't need her to respond to you the
12:34right way because you're grounded in
12:36your own sense of self and you're even
12:38self-amused, enjoying just expressing
12:40yourself, okay? And when you do that,
12:42that is very attractive. So, in a very
12:44practical sense then, how do you not
12:45fall into the seller frame and how do
12:48you stay as the sorter within the
12:50interaction? So, it basically comes down
12:52to these two things that I'll give you
12:53right here. Number one, you have to
12:55become grounded in your own frame of
12:57reality and self-amused rather than
13:00selling yourself to her and being
13:02reliant on her validation, right? Trying
13:04to fit yourself into her frame, being
13:05reliant on her validation. And what does
13:08that come down to? Well, basically your
13:09frame of reality is this. Your values,
13:11your interests, your sense of humor,
13:13your taste, your opinions, your
13:15boundaries. It's basically your unique
13:17makeup, your personality.
13:19And when you're around somebody, you're
13:21either centered in your frame, just
13:23expressing yourself, talking about what
13:25you find interesting, what you find
13:27interesting, engaging, funny, expressing
13:29your sense of humor genuinely, or you
13:32are trying to do or say what you think
13:33will get their validation. Okay, and
13:35that is selling style communication, and
13:38high status people naturally don't do
13:40this because they're used to being
13:42chosen by others. So, they just express
13:44themselves. And so, when you're sitting
13:46there getting all self-conscious trying
13:47to sell yourself, you automatically will
13:50turn that girl off, and you will um
13:52you know, again, like you'll misdiagnose
13:55this whole issue. Oh, I'll never show
13:57interest again. That's why she didn't
13:58like me. Well, no, it's not that you
13:59showed interest, it's because you were
14:00selling yourself. You showed the
14:01interest, but then you started selling
14:03yourself to her in the interaction. So,
14:04it's very key that when you're around a
14:06girl,
14:07you are not just sitting there trying to
14:09do and say the things that you think are
14:10going to win her over, but rather you're
14:12authentically expressing yourself, and
14:14you're saying the things that you find
14:15interesting, funny, engaging, humorous,
14:17etc., etc., and you're grounded and
14:20tethered in your own good emotions
14:22rather than relying on hers. Okay,
14:24that's really the sorting and selling
14:25dynamic at its most basic level. I go
14:28deeper on this in other videos here on
14:30the channel. Now, the other part of this
14:32in a very practical sense is the balance
14:34of qualification. And what do I mean by
14:37that? So, anytime you show interest in a
14:39girl, basically what you're showing her
14:40is that she is qualifying for a bond
14:43with you. Okay, that's really what uh
14:45you know, showing qualif- or interest
14:47is. Now, when you overqualify, when
14:50you're like, "Hey, you really deserve
14:51this bond with me. You really deserve
14:53this bond with me. You really deserve
14:54this bond with me." That's pretty much
14:56what you're doing when [clears throat]
14:57you show interest again and again and
14:58again and again repeatedly,
15:00back-to-back-to-back. It's uncanny, and
15:02it's not natural, and it's actually not
15:04something that you would normally do if
15:06you weren't making such a big deal of
15:08the interaction. So, overqualification
15:11is basically you repeatedly telling the
15:14girl she's qualifying for you, and um
15:16that is going to start to become across
15:18as uncanny in her mind, where she's
15:20like, "Okay, I can tell because of how
15:22easy this guy is that this is probably a
15:25big deal to him. He's not used to being
15:27around women like me. And then you get
15:29put in that lower status box in her
15:30mind. She loses attraction for you. So,
15:33the key is this. If you go up to a girl
15:36and you compliment her, or if you do
15:38compliment a girl, just keep in mind
15:40that you want to compliment her, yes.
15:42You want to show your interest in her,
15:43yes. But you don't want to do so in a
15:45way where it comes across now like you
15:47were chasing that um reciprocity from
15:51her. You just want to shell it out in a
15:53way where it's just sprinkled in. You
15:54want to sprinkle in your interest
15:55throughout that interaction. You don't
15:56want to just constantly be
15:57complimenting. You don't want to
15:59constantly just be, you know, gassing
16:01the girl up because now it's uncanny.
16:03It's not natural. So, that's the only
16:04distinction when it comes to showing
16:06interest. Yes, show interest, but don't
16:08do so in a way that's uncanny and
16:10overdoing it. Do so in a way where you
16:12show the interest, but then you keep
16:15talking. You keep expressing. You keep
16:17letting her get invested into you
16:19emotionally rather than just piling it
16:21on. Because when you're constantly
16:23showing interest in her, she has no room
16:24to show it back to you, okay? So, very
16:26important that you don't just go
16:28overboard with the qualification. And
16:30the final point that I'll make when it
16:32comes to showing interest is being
16:33persistent versus being needy. And this
16:36pops up the most when it comes to just
16:38texting women. What you'll find is with
16:40women is that it's very common that they
16:42will flake, that they will forget to
16:44respond to you. And what guys will do is
16:47they will [snorts] get their ego bruised
16:49and they won't double text the girl.
16:51They won't show persistence in being
16:53like, "Hey, let's go out." And that's
16:55because they take it very personally
16:57when a girl doesn't respond to them. And
17:00this is the thing that you need to do.
17:01You need to become a leader here. You
17:03need to meet women where they're at
17:05instead of getting butt hurt and upset
17:06and emotional and whiny about it.
17:08Women's experience when it comes to
17:10dating is so vastly different than you
17:12or myself. And that's because
17:15they are so used to being inundated with
17:18options and they are so used to going on
17:20dates that they don't have the same
17:22attachment to going on a date that you
17:25or myself would. And I even honestly I
17:27experience a little bit of a woman's
17:28mentality with this now because I go on
17:31dates quite a bit compared to when I had
17:33started working on this area. So I even
17:35kind of understand it more the more that
17:37I get into into this. I don't reply as
17:39quickly, sometimes I forget to reply,
17:41sometimes a girl will double text me.
17:43Doesn't happen often, but it happens.
17:45And you know, just look at any girl's
17:47Tinder versus the average guy's Tinder,
17:49she is inundated with options whereas
17:51the guy has like nothing. So for women
17:53when they forget to respond to you,
17:55it's not because they are better than
17:58you or they're playing games with you,
17:59it's because they probably just forgot.
18:01They're not as attached to
18:03[clears throat] the interaction or the
18:04idea of a date
18:05as you are. And so you have to recognize
18:08that and just be persistent. Show that
18:11you go for what you want without
18:13conveying a shred of neediness. And I'll
18:15give you a great example and by the way,
18:17what that means practically is you
18:19should double text. Sometimes you should
18:20even triple text, but it should be
18:22spaced out. It should be done in a way
18:25where it's not blowing up her phone.
18:27I'll give you a great example of this.
18:28Maybe I can actually find the
18:29screenshots somewhere in my computer. So
18:32there was a girl a couple of years ago.
18:34My texting wasn't nearly as good as it
18:36was now as it was 3 years ago. And I
18:39remember I was trying to go out with her
18:41and I kept having to double text her or
18:43the plans that we were making kept
18:44falling through because logistically we
18:47just couldn't make it happen. I forget
18:48exactly what went down. But there was
18:50this girl who I remember
18:54I couldn't get her out on a date and so
18:56this happened like two or three times, I
18:58gave up. Three or four months later, I
19:01just sent her a picture of me holding a
19:03bottle of wine.
19:04Just in my hands. I literally I didn't
19:06send any no contacts, just literally a
19:08picture of me holding a wine bottle in
19:10my hand. And she goes, I forget what
19:13exactly she says, but it's along the
19:14lines of, you know, like
19:17"What's the context?" And then I
19:19remember I said something along the
19:20lines of going on or having a romantic
19:23date with your long-lost match, of
19:25course, right? Something like that. And
19:27immediately, her response to this guy
19:30that she's never met, that she hasn't
19:31even seen in months, her response to
19:32that persistence was
19:35"Well, you know, normally" it was like,
19:37"Okay, well, normally I wouldn't do this
19:39or this is kind of crazy, but I like
19:41your bold assertion, so why don't we do
19:43it when we both have the time?"
19:45Interesting how that works.
19:47This girl who had no emotional
19:50investment in this interaction anymore,
19:51it was a dead conversation, because I
19:53displayed persistence, it turned her on
19:55and it made her want to go out with me
19:56again. So, the basic idea is is that you
19:59can expect to have to double text women
20:01sometimes, you can expect to have to be
20:02persistent sometimes, and that is not
20:06necessarily a bad thing. Now, the moment
20:08that the girl gets any inkling of an
20:10impression that you really needed to
20:11work, and, you know, you come across as
20:14needy, you're blowing your girl's phone
20:16up, or you're just conveying that you're
20:18kind of getting emotionally reactive,
20:20and you really need it to work, of
20:21course, that's going to kill attraction,
20:22because again, now you're conveying,
20:24you're sub-communicating that this is a
20:26big deal to you, okay? So, I'm not going
20:29to go super deep on that, because this
20:30video would be forever, but I go into a
20:33lot more detail on all these principles
20:34in separate presentations, then also in
20:36the coaching that I do. But, the long
20:39story short of this video is that
20:42you need to be showing your interest in
20:43women, it's attracted to them, they
20:45really like it, and it's going to make
20:47you feel like you're more genuine and
20:48authentic as a result, and it's going to
20:50build up your confidence. And if you're
20:52applying this advice that lacks nuance,
20:55that tells you to just be mysterious and
20:56not show interest in women, it's going
20:58to cause so many problems for you. It's
21:00just going to confuse women, it's going
21:01to make them think you're timid and
21:02afraid to show interest. It's just going
21:04to make you look fake, try-hard,
21:05contrived. So, go about it in a more
21:07intelligent way is the message of this
21:11video, okay? So, if you are interested
21:13in going deeper on these ideas, if you
21:15want to actually unlock naturally
21:17attractive self-expression where you can
21:18attract and connect with people in
21:20general, but women especially, so you
21:22can have the type of social and dating
21:23results you want without feeling
21:25performative, then what you can do is
21:26you can tap on the link in the
21:27description below
21:29to apply for a chance of a coaching with
21:31myself personally, okay? So, thank you
21:34so much for being here. As always, look
21:36forward to seeing you in the next video.

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