YT YouTube2Text

YouTube2Text → Transcripts → Women Health Expert: Birth Control Changes Who You Are & How You Feel About Your Partner!

Women Health Expert: Birth Control Changes Who You Are & How You Feel About Your Partner! — Transcript

by The Diary Of A CEO · 21,314 words · 2,997 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

Open in transcriber Summarize with AI Download SRT/VTT

Full transcript

0:00are you saying that you recommend that a
0:02woman looking for a partner gets off the
0:04birth control pill until they find one
0:05yeah I mean researchers found when women
0:07who were partnered to attractive men
0:09went off hormonal birth control they
0:11were more attracted to their partner but
0:12for women who were partnered with less
0:14attractive Partners they became less
0:16attracted to their partners and reported
0:18being less sexually
0:20satisfied it's quite frightening Dr
0:23Sarah Hill is a leading research
0:24psychologist and Professor uncovering
0:26the shocking effects the contraceptive
0:27pill has had on women relationships and
0:30society and what we can do about it
0:32there's been nothing more instrumental
0:34to women's ability to be able to achieve
0:36independence than the birth control pill
0:38and so we're very Cavalier and just
0:40giving it to people oh well you should
0:41go on it for this and you should go on
0:42it for that but it has huge costs and
0:45when I started to dig into the research
0:48I found there's at least five different
0:50things the birth control pill does to
0:51change who we are and these risk factors
0:54they're swept under the rug by their
0:55doctors who are prescribing it first it
0:57changes our emotional states with
0:59increased risk for developing anxiety
1:01and depression and then it influences
1:03our ability to put on muscle mass and it
1:06can also affect our sexual function
1:08because it turns off that estrogen surge
1:10that makes us feel sexier and makes us
1:12want to have sex and there's more but we
1:15also know that it affects men in two
1:17different ways and this has implications
1:19for society around us I'll tell you why
1:22so so what are the alternatives for
1:25women let's dive down into that first
1:31this has always blown my mind a little
1:32bit 53% of you that listen to the show
1:35regularly haven't yet subscribed to the
1:37show so could I ask you for a favor
1:39before we start if you like the show and
1:40you like what we do here and you want to
1:41support us the free simple way that you
1:43can do just that is by hitting the
1:45Subscribe button and my commitment to
1:47you is if you do that then I'll do
1:48everything in my power me and my team to
1:50make sure that this show is better for
1:51you every single week we'll listen to
1:53your feedback we'll find the guest that
1:55you want me to speak to and we'll
1:57continue to do what we do thank you so
1:58much
2:02Dr Sarah
2:04Hill what is the mission that you're on
2:07if you had to sort of encapsulate it
2:09into a couple of sentences all of the
2:12work you're doing into a couple of
2:13sentences and the impact it has on
2:16people like me but also my partners my
2:18mother my sisters um who read and
2:21understand your work what is that
2:22mission um is to help women understand
2:25themselves and I think that you know
2:28part of that is doing the science that
2:29helps to uncover the insights that help
2:31women understand themselves and then
2:33also being able to communicate that to
2:35women um I think that you know for a
2:37very long time because of the way that
2:39medicine has been set up um the the
2:42focus has been primarily on men um and
2:45most of the things that we think that we
2:46know about health and functioning in the
2:48human body and brain is based on
2:51Research conducted in men and so it's
2:54taking that back and helping women
2:55actually understand themselves as
2:57themselves so would you say that this
2:59conversation is is just for women no
3:01absolutely not no this is a conversation
3:03for women for women's partners and those
3:05who love women right and so I think that
3:07it's a conversation for everyone I have
3:09these conversations because I'm
3:10interested in the subject matter and as
3:11I read through your work at the top of
3:13your work I saw that you know you really
3:15have a focus towards Women's Health and
3:16women's issues but I can't explain how
3:19unbelievably fascinating and
3:20enlightening it was for me as someone
3:22who is a boyfriend and a partner to a
3:24woman um but also when when we talk
3:28about the evolutionary psychology that
3:31sort of is intertwined throughout your
3:32work I was able to understand so much
3:35about me as a man and the way I I am and
3:38the way that I develop and my
3:40testosterone and all those kinds of
3:42things and also attraction and mating
3:44preferences and all these things from
3:45looking through your
3:47work why why are you so focused on this
3:49subject matter what is it what's the
3:51sort of in your heart I mean for me it's
3:54really fascinating to consider the way
3:56that hormones influence who we are and
3:59then to T think about something like the
4:01birth control pill which almost all
4:04women are on at some point in their life
4:06and understanding that this actually by
4:08changing women's hormones has the impact
4:11of kind of fundamentally changing some
4:12really important things about themselves
4:15I mean this is really huge and this has
4:17consequences for everything ranging from
4:19who women are attracted to and might be
4:21choosing as partners to women's mental
4:24health right and it could end up having
4:26consequences on the shape of the world
4:28around us like we already know know that
4:30birth control has had an impact on
4:32women's ability to do things like go to
4:35school and get Advanced degrees and we
4:37see this played out when we look at
4:38College classrooms that are becoming
4:40inre increasingly female and one of the
4:43big reasons for this is the birth
4:44control pill it's like by allowing women
4:47to know with almost perfect certainty
4:49that they're not going to get pregnant
4:52this has allowed women to make plans
4:54which means that they can dream bigger
4:56and achieve more than most of us would
4:57have ever dreamed possible like 50 or
5:00100 years ago right and so the pill
5:02changes everything right by changing
5:04women we change the world this has
5:07implications for women this has
5:08implications for their partners and this
5:10has implications for society around us
5:13we're seeing some of the downstream
5:15positive impacts of this and then
5:17there's also some other sort of
5:18Downstream consequences which I think
5:20society's now trying to understand and
5:21contend with and I think one of them you
5:23mentioned there is that more women in in
5:25classrooms I think more women are
5:26college educated now in the US or
5:28becoming college educated and they're
5:30running more and more and more um and
5:32it's interesting because there's a study
5:35which you site in your work I think it
5:36was in your book where I read it that
5:38shows women still have a preference for
5:40men who have more resources and I was
5:43wondering isn't this doesn't this create
5:44a little bit of a a fundamental issue
5:47because if more and more women have more
5:49and more resources in many cases much
5:51more than men but they have a preference
5:53for men that have more resources isn't
5:57there isn't there an issue here yeah no
5:59there's actually there is an issue there
6:01and in fact there have been people
6:03including my former uh Mentor David bus
6:06who who have talked about this idea that
6:08there's a mating crisis going on and
6:11that women who are becoming increasingly
6:14college educated and you know getting
6:16access to resources of their own that
6:18they do continue to exhibit an increased
6:21preference for partners with resources
6:23women are what we call hypergamous right
6:26which means that we like to mate up in
6:28terms of achieve
6:30and educational attainment and when you
6:32have a populace like we do in the US of
6:36women who are now on average more
6:39educated than men it makes it more
6:41difficult to find a a suitable partner
6:44if you're a woman with an advanced
6:46degree and you want somebody who has at
6:48least as much education for you that's
6:50going to lead to a more narrow pool of
6:51mates and in fact what we see is that
6:54there are an increasingly like large
6:56number of women who are just choosing
6:58not to get married and are choosing to
7:00stay single and in fact there's a
7:01wonderful um book called all the single
7:04ladies that is about this very
7:06phenomenon and um women are increasingly
7:08choosing to opt out of long-term mating
7:11if they're not able to find the
7:12relationship that they want so two
7:14questions there on the first point is
7:15how do we know that women are dating
7:17upwards and to the right right we know
7:20that women are dating upwards because
7:21that's what women Express a preference
7:23for and it's also who women tend to
7:25marry so when you look at um for example
7:28uh you know data looking at um the
7:31education levels of people who get
7:32married and the age of of people when
7:34they get married women generally will
7:36marry somebody who's older and generally
7:38earns more money than they do themselves
7:41um and you know this is something that
7:43isn't specific to the US this is
7:45something that we tend to find um
7:46cross-culturally that women tend to
7:48express a preference for this and yes it
7:50has become more common for women to be
7:54open to partnering with people who earn
7:56less money than themselves for example
7:58or have less education in themselves
8:00than what it used to be um but it's
8:02still not what it would be if women were
8:04actually more willing to make that
8:06tradeoff what we see is that instead of
8:09choosing to marry down what many women
8:11are choosing to do is simply not get
8:13married at all are they making that
8:16choice or is it just a lack of good
8:19options I think yes and yes right I
8:22think that they're making that choice
8:23because there isn't there aren't good
8:25options so I think that many women feel
8:28um the the constraint of the fact that
8:30there's not as many partners available
8:32as you know that have the qualities that
8:34they're looking for and a long-term
8:35partner and as a result of that they're
8:37just making the choice when it's between
8:39that like you know just staying single
8:42and not partnering with somebody that
8:44they desire or partnering with somebody
8:46who has fewer resources than they do or
8:48less education than they do themselves
8:50they're choosing the former they're
8:52instead choosing to be single instead of
8:54um having to partner with somebody who
8:56doesn't you know sort of meet what their
8:58exacting standards are are are they
9:00still having sex yeah you know that's a
9:02good so sex is down like like sex is
9:05trending downward um what we tend to see
9:08is that people are having a lot less sex
9:10than they used to they're having sex
9:11later um they're having less they fewer
9:15uh people are not virgins and that's a
9:17double negative more people are virgins
9:20when they're graduating high school and
9:21college than there were in the past this
9:23is becoming increasingly common it's
9:25also really interesting when you
9:27consider that in face of the fact that
9:29we have something like hormonal birth
9:31control where we have birth control
9:33where you have you know an opportunity
9:36for men and women to be able to have sex
9:38without the having to have the fear of
9:41pregnancy and yet people are having less
9:43sex and that's a very complicated issue
9:46that requires a lot of untangling to get
9:48to the bottom of but one of those
9:50factors is the fact that it's harder for
9:54um you know imagine that you're a
9:55college aged woman and you were looking
9:58for somebody who at least is you know on
10:02par with you in terms of their
10:03educational attainment um most college
10:06campuses are like 60% female and just
10:09simply playing the odds I mean women are
10:12going to have a harder time finding
10:13somebody within their pool that they can
10:15get together with and this is going to
10:17mean less less dating for some of these
10:20women and and less sex if women have
10:23more money and more Independence as a
10:26result of that money and success and
10:28education why don't they just date down
10:31as in why don't they date men that are
10:33broke right yeah well you know we have
10:35inherited this mating Psychology from
10:38our distant ancestors who are very much
10:41more reliant on men for things like
10:43provisioning resource access and even
10:46protection than what contemporary women
10:48need and this is because throughout most
10:50of our evolutionary history um we spent
10:53our lives you know having to be pregnant
10:56regularly lactating caring for young
10:58children um and we're very heavily
11:01dependent on the ability um of our
11:04partner to gain access to things like
11:06food and the other resources that we're
11:09not able to get access to when we are
11:11you know very pregnant or dealing with
11:13young children like I don't know if
11:15you've ever gone hunting before or met a
11:182-year-old but like the two things don't
11:20mix right the children are loud they're
11:22not going to allow you to sneak up on a
11:24buffalo um it's not an ideal situation
11:27for women so women historically have
11:29been very dependent on men for resources
11:31and we've inherited that that brain
11:33because over the course of evolutionary
11:35history women who would have placed an
11:37emphasis on you know choosing Partners
11:39who have these kinds of qualities they
11:42would have been more likely to have
11:43surviving Offspring who then passed that
11:45tendency or that preference onto their
11:47offspring who'd pass that preference
11:49down to their offspring and so human you
11:51know contemporary human women even
11:54though we're able to gain access to
11:55resources of our own we still have that
11:58preference right we've inherited that
12:00preference from our successful ancestors
12:03because women who had that preference
12:04would have performed better than women
12:06who didn't pay attention to that sort of
12:08thing so oftentimes people think things
12:12are the way they are because of a
12:14patriarchy or because of sort of social
12:16factors yeah but you're saying that
12:18there are sort of innate biological
12:20differences and evolutionary differences
12:21in men and women that go beyond our sort
12:25of sexual organs and stuff oh yeah no
12:27absolutely yeah you know in fact the
12:29patriarchy which just refers to you know
12:31male control of
12:33resources wouldn't really exist if women
12:37didn't desire resources and their
12:38Partners um because the reason that men
12:41tend to control a lot of resources is
12:43because women demand resource access on
12:46the part of their partners and if women
12:48didn't care then men wouldn't work so
12:51hard to get access to them you know
12:53there's this really great quote by
12:54Aristotle Onasis where he once said
12:56without women all the power and money in
12:59the world would be completely
13:01meaningless and I think that there's a
13:03lot of wisdom in that men work so hard
13:06to control the resources not because men
13:08together are banding you know together
13:10and trying to hoard the resources and
13:11keep them from women I don't think that
13:14that's really how the world works and I
13:16think if you have a look around we'd see
13:17that that's not really how the world
13:19Works instead it's an epiphenomenon of
13:22the fact that men are competing amongst
13:24you know amongst whoever else has access
13:26to resources to get resources of Their
13:28Own right and because women value this
13:30in their choice of Partners oftentimes
13:32men will go to Greater lengths to get
13:34them right one of the reasons not the
13:36only reason but certainly one of the
13:38reasons that we see that more men tend
13:40to be in um you know positions of being
13:43a CEO for example is because oftentimes
13:46men are more willing to make the
13:47tradeoffs that you have to make to get
13:49into those positions because men are
13:51wired that way right and the reason that
13:53they're wired that way is because
13:54they've inherited these Tendencies to
13:57want this despite the costs
13:59because it would have paid off in terms
14:01of being able to attract better Partners
14:04a greater number of Partners right and
14:06then being able to have your children do
14:07better right and so you know the
14:10patriarchy yes that is something that
14:12exists right we do tend to see that men
14:14tend to control resources more
14:16frequently than women in most societies
14:18around the world um but this isn't
14:20because men are banding together and
14:22trying to keep exclude women instead
14:24this is just a product of men's evolved
14:27psychology um trying to work as hard as
14:30they can to get access to resources in
14:32part because women require them and men
14:35are much more likely to take risks
14:36aren't they as you say so I was as you
14:38were speaking I was thinking about the
14:40the gambling statistics that I read that
14:41said the vast majority of gambling
14:43addicts are are men so so I was just
14:46thinking about that in the context of
14:47like entrepreneurship and these kinds of
14:51things is that to say that men are going
14:53to be more
14:54entrepreneurial yeah yeah you know I
14:56would think so yes and and the reason
14:58being that that it is about risk right
15:00and women often times um again you know
15:04a lot of this has to do with this this
15:05the psychology that we've inherited and
15:08and throughout most of our history women
15:11were caring for young children I mean
15:12this was you know kind of what our
15:14bodies made us just have to do it's like
15:17our our bodies are wired for having
15:21babies right and this doesn't mean that
15:22this is what women should do right or
15:25what women need to do or that you know
15:27that that this is somehow destining
15:28women to do one you know this set of
15:30activities but instead throughout most
15:32of our history we spend a lot of our
15:34time pregnant and caring for young
15:35children and that has selected for our
15:38psychology to be very risk sensitive and
15:41risk averse and what we tend to see is
15:43that women are more risk averse than our
15:46men and we can see this play out in
15:49terms of things like um gambling right
15:51we know that overwhelmingly men tend to
15:54be the ones who are gambling addicts
15:56relative to women but also in terms of
15:58good risks right because you do see
16:00something like being a being an
16:02entrepreneur for example which is
16:04something that does come with a pretty
16:05big risk attached to it meaning that you
16:08know there's a big boom and bust um but
16:11it the the risk associated with the
16:14possibility of a bust um is something
16:16that women's uh psychology is a is a
16:19little bit less tolerant of relative to
16:21men's I think one of the interesting
16:23observations I've had as a investor but
16:26also as an entrepreneur myself is that
16:28there may be data to support the fact
16:30that more men are likely to start
16:32businesses but it doesn't necessarily
16:33mean they're better at it and part of
16:36that links what you said about this
16:38relationship with risk because being
16:40prone to risk in business doesn't
16:42necessarily mean you're going to be good
16:44at entrepreneurship and I often tend to
16:47find that when you have a woman leading
16:49a business they're much more accurate
16:51and honest with their forecasting and
16:53much more um yeah realistic about what
16:56the business is actually capable of and
16:58men tend to over
17:00forecast um in terms of business
17:02performance they tend so but then also I
17:04think it's interesting because I had
17:06Kevin o who's the shark on Shark Tank in
17:08the USA say that in his portfolio of
17:09investments from Shark Tank the best
17:11performing Investments that he had were
17:13women and I think again I think from
17:15memory what he was saying was when it
17:18comes to forecasting and um taking C
17:22more calculated risks wom women tend to
17:24be better at that than men right which
17:27is an interesting it's interesting yeah
17:29no I think that it's totally spoton um
17:32that you know men tend to be riskier and
17:35and they tend to have a little bit more
17:36hubris I mean there there's a tendency
17:39um to assume that they're going to and
17:42have an exaggerated belief about how
17:44successful they're going to be because
17:46in part you know I think it It
17:48ultimately boils down the to the
17:49differences in our mating psychology and
17:52then also the psychology of of parenting
17:55compared to provisioning and I think
17:57that for men um you know seeing the
18:00world in a way that's distorted in terms
18:02of assuming that things are going to be
18:04better than they are is going to allow
18:06them to be able to better attract mates
18:08for example because they're buying their
18:10own story you know it's like they're
18:11buying their own story about how great
18:13everything is going to be even if it's
18:15not necessarily all that great um this
18:17leads people to take risks and and with
18:20big risks come big rewards and
18:22historically evolutionarily for men
18:25those rewards could potentially
18:27translate into additional mating
18:28opportunities that have a direct impact
18:31on men's ability to pass down genes for
18:34women it's not so much you know because
18:36even if you have the best idea ever
18:38that's going to get you access to the
18:40greatest number of mates possible the
18:43number of offspring that a woman can
18:44potentially have into the future is
18:46dependent completely on the limits of
18:48her own reproductive biology so a woman
18:51with access to 10 Partners can only pass
18:54down the same number of genes as a woman
18:56with access to one whereas the same
18:58hasn't been true for men right for men
19:00who have access to 10 Partners this can
19:02lead to 10 times as many offspring as
19:04what they can have if they have access
19:06to one and this creates an asymmetry in
19:09the potential benefits um Fitness
19:12benefits related to men and women um
19:15from winning big right and so men's
19:17psychology is geared toward wanting to
19:20do things that are and and having their
19:22brain tell themselves stories about how
19:24successful things are going to be to act
19:26as a carrot that then leads them to want
19:28to pursue those types of things even
19:31when it's highly risky so if I become a
19:33billionaire yeah then I can afford to
19:35and I will
19:37attract potentially hundreds of
19:39thousands of Partners and then I can
19:40have hundreds of thousands of kids
19:42because I can afford to and I'm going to
19:44have so much interest because I'm a high
19:45resource High status male whereas a
19:47woman if she becomes a billionaire she
19:50can only have one kid every nine months
19:52or 12 months whatever it is yeah yeah
19:55and that's actually there's in
19:56evolutionary biology there's a principle
19:58behind that it's called the baitman
20:00principle it refers to the fact that
20:02men's fitness can increase with each
20:05partner they have access to and for
20:07women it tops out after one right so the
20:10potential reproductive returns from
20:13having access to novel Partners is
20:14greater for men than it is for women
20:17right and this does not mean that this
20:19is what most men do right most men don't
20:21translate their increased uh their
20:23increased status and their increased
20:25access to Resources by gaining access to
20:28an AS astronomical number of Partners um
20:30but historically that's something that
20:33men sometimes do right if we look at
20:35history um you'll see in particularly in
20:38polygynous cultures where you have men
20:40who are able to have access to multiple
20:42partners at the same time those men who
20:44have the most resources and have the
20:46highest status tend to have multiple
20:48wives right they tend to have a greater
20:50number of children right and we are the
20:52descendence of people who would
20:53sometimes make that decision right and
20:55so what we tend to see is that that has
20:57shaped men's mating psychology and
20:59shaped men's achievement motivation
21:01psychology in ways that helps to promote
21:05um you know gaining access to resources
21:08in part because gaining access to
21:09resources leads to a greater Fitness
21:12return than what gets um is available to
21:14women from doing the exact same thing
21:16this wasn't a long time ago in human
21:18history either because my granddad in
21:21Nigeria mhm I I've never met the guy um
21:26I don't believe he's still alive I've
21:27never been close to to him um but I was
21:29told that he had 10 or 14 wives right
21:32and so I was told that I have 30 40
21:35cousins in Nigeria right yeah I mean I'm
21:38doing okay financially but I probably
21:40don't have the means the means to meet
21:42them all and become friends with all of
21:44them um but uh yeah I uh that's pretty
21:48pretty striking that just sort of one
21:49generation above my dad was this a man
21:53that had multiple wives and so when you
21:57say that that's him that could be part
21:58of passed down to me in some way yeah
22:00that sort of proclivity to have to want
22:03to acquire more resources so that I can
22:05support more people it's quite
22:07frightening I don't think that it's
22:09something to be frightened of I think
22:11that you know when we understand the the
22:13tendencies that we've inherited I
22:15actually think that it gives us greater
22:17appreciation for the kinds of decisions
22:19that we actually end up making why is it
22:21that you know especially in um cultures
22:24like the US and I think about in
22:26European culture we're monogamous ly
22:28mating you know species we we form these
22:31long-term pair bonds and so then we also
22:33have to ask ourselves you know given
22:35that this is something that is possible
22:37for men right to increase their um their
22:40reproductive output simply by gaining
22:42access to new partners why is it that
22:45most men don't do this like what are the
22:46benefits when you look at contemporary
22:49hunter gatherer groups where humans are
22:51living in ways that are more similar to
22:54um the way that our ancestors likely
22:55lived than what we do currently what you
22:57tend to see is that those children who
23:00have an investing father around their
23:03probability of survival is vastly higher
23:06than that of the children of women who
23:09do not have an investing partner around
23:12one of the other parts of the answer is
23:14that women generally don't want to share
23:17right and so what you get is um by men
23:19being willing to restrict their own what
23:22we call reproductive value which just
23:25refers to the number of potential
23:26children that they can have into the
23:28future
23:29that increases the quality of partner
23:30they're going to be able to have because
23:33most women don't want to share and so if
23:36you are a woman who's of high value
23:38meaning that you have a lot of the
23:40qualities that men desire in their
23:41Partners you can be really picky and say
23:44no I'm not going to share and so if you
23:46want to mate with me then that means
23:48that you're going to have to make some
23:50decisions because you know imagine that
23:52you're a man and just based on all the
23:55qualities that you have let's say that
23:56your mate value is and let's assume that
23:58mate value has a 1 to 10 scale okay so
24:01there's a 1 to 10 scale and you're a
24:02seven right all the qualities I'm just
24:05I'm I'm not talking about you I'm
24:06talking the Royal you and what if I to
24:08do to be an eight well the reason the
24:10reason the reason I'm making you and
24:12again I'm saying the Royal you of seven
24:15is because so just bear with me here
24:18your value of seven is because you are
24:20not really willing to commit to a
24:22long-term relationship right so you're
24:24you have all these resources and you
24:26have you know and you've got your
24:28attractiveness you've got your good
24:29jeans and all the other things a dog
24:32right yeah but you're not yeah exactly
24:34you've got a podcast you got all this
24:36like great stuff going for you but
24:39you're not willing you're not going to
24:40just you know commit your resources and
24:42to to one person um and you meet
24:45somebody who's just you know she's
24:46amazing and she she also has a podcast
24:49and she's gorgeous and and she's a nine
24:52you can increase your value to her just
24:54by Will being willing to invest by being
24:57willing because women desire that
24:59because women generally place a priority
25:01on somebody's willingness to stick
25:03around and continue invest to continue
25:05to invest resources in just her you can
25:08increase your value from a seven to a
25:10nine or a 10 just by virtue of being
25:12willing to commit how does a woman know
25:15if I am high status or not like AR there
25:18ways that I can just like signal that I
25:19am if I go to the gym and then I don't
25:21know I got nice after shaven perfume and
25:24I'm wearing I don't know a cool t-shirt
25:26what are what are the cues how does the
25:27brain know that I'm a good reproductive
25:29partner right yeah no that's a really
25:31great question it's really interesting
25:32because um a lot of the qualities that
25:34men value in their Partners like for
25:36women are things that are immediately
25:38available just based on physical
25:40appearance because we know that men have
25:42um placed a priority on cues related to
25:45fertility and reproductive value and
25:48reproductive value is just essentially a
25:50person's reproductive shelf life I mean
25:52I was reading in your book about how
25:55mating and attraction preferences change
25:58for woman throughout her cycle yeah so
26:00throughout a woman's 28 day cycle does
26:04she always want a nice guy no so women's
26:07partner preferences and the types of
26:09qualities that women tend to prioritize
26:11in their choice of Partners do change
26:13across the menstrual cycle um and this
26:16changes with our sex hormones so during
26:19uh the early part of the menstrual cycle
26:21both sets of sex hormones so our our
26:23estrogen and progesterone which is our
26:25second uh primary sex hormone they are
26:28low and then as estrogen begins to
26:31increase which is something that happens
26:33as eggs start to mature in the ovary and
26:37as the eggs are maturing they release
26:39estrogen and as an egg as a dominant egg
26:42is chosen and um begins to fully mature
26:45so that way it will be released at
26:47ovulation which is how many days into
26:49the cycle um usually estrogen really
26:52starts to Surge right around day nine of
26:54the cycle but it really hits its like
26:57High Point usually right around day 14
27:00which is when ovulation occurs so
27:02estrogen begins Rising sharply around
27:04day nine of the cycle and again the
27:07first day of the menstrual cycle is the
27:08day that um is the day that your period
27:11arrives so that's day one about day nine
27:14so about a week and a half after your
27:15period started most women will start to
27:18have a pretty dramatic increase in
27:20estrogen estrogen will climb climb climb
27:22climb climb it will Peak around day 14
27:25which um is when ovulation occurs and
27:28this is when an egg of course is
27:30released and pregnancy is possible from
27:32sex so from day nine till day 15 till
27:36day yeah till day 15 day N9 to day 15
27:38are are usually like that's usually when
27:41we sort of bookend the fertile window
27:44and during this time not surprisingly um
27:47women experience a change in their
27:50sexual psychology right so women become
27:53increasingly attuned to All Things sex
27:57so what we tend to see is that women's
27:59sexual desire increases right around
28:01that time in the cycle women have more
28:03sex during that time in the cycle women
28:06masturbate more during that time in the
28:08cycle and women become more exacting
28:11about who it is that they desire as a
28:13romantic partner or a sex partner and in
28:16particular what we tend to see is that
28:19as estrogen is increasing across the
28:21cycle so too does women's interest in
28:24cues that historically have been related
28:27to high genetic quality or genetic
28:29compatibility within their choice of
28:31Partners so two of the traits that we
28:34know to be particularly pronounced um in
28:36terms of women's interest um near high
28:39fertility in the cycle are cues related
28:42to testosterone and masculinity and the
28:45reason for this one is because
28:47testosterone is a known imuno supressive
28:51meaning that it has the effect of
28:53suppressing the immune system and so
28:56people who have relatively High levels
28:58of testosterone this is a cue that their
29:01bodies are in such good physical
29:04condition right their immune system is
29:06so strong and robust that it can handle
29:09being suppressed by testosterone so
29:12people who have higher testosterone are
29:14believed to have greater
29:16immunocompetence relative to people with
29:18lower levels of testosterone and what we
29:20tend to see is that low and behold um
29:24during that Peak fertility time in the
29:26menstrual cycle when estrogen is high
29:29that women exhibit a greater preference
29:31for cues related to testosterone in men
29:34so we find for example that women desire
29:36a more masculinized male faces voices
29:40and behavior at high fertility in the
29:43cycle compared to low fertility in the
29:45cycle how do you test this you test this
29:47by looking at what it is that women are
29:49looking for and you look at it over time
29:52so just to give you an example of one of
29:54the sort of most robust studies that's
29:56been done looking at this phenomenon
29:58researchers had a group of women bring
30:01home a bunch of little plastic tubes um
30:04in a freezer bag and they had them spit
30:07into these little um saliva collection
30:10tubes every day of the cycle across two
30:13menstrual cycles on those same days when
30:16women were taking a saliva sample they
30:18were also evaluating the attractiveness
30:20of male faces and the thing that the
30:22women didn't know is that the
30:24researchers knew the testosterone levels
30:27of the faces of the men that they had
30:28them looking at because the researchers
30:31had men come into the research lab
30:32beforehand and took their morning
30:35testosterone levels over the course of
30:37several days to get an average morning
30:39testosterone level for these men and so
30:43when they got all the saliva samples
30:44from the women they assayed all of their
30:46saliva and they were able to look at
30:48Women's estrogen changes across the
30:50cycle and then how it related to their
30:53facial preferences for men and what they
30:56found was first that of course estrogen
30:59tended to increase and Peak during this
31:02fertile window so days n nine or so to
31:05day 15 women's estrogen levels were high
31:08and during this time what they also
31:10found is that women's preference for for
31:13testosterone levels in the faces of the
31:15men they preferred also increased and so
31:18there was this really beautiful overlap
31:20between women's estrogen levels and
31:22their preference for testosterone going
31:24to show that estrogen loves testosterone
31:28right so women during this estrogenic
31:30phase in the cycle have a heightened
31:31preference for cues related to facial
31:34masculin masculinity they also have a
31:37greater preference for vocal masculinity
31:39so women at high fertility in the cycle
31:41also like the sound of more masculinized
31:44male voices they tend to like more
31:46social dominance in terms of behavior um
31:48relative to what we tend to see when
31:50women are at low fertility in the cycle
31:53so I'm more likely to get laid if I yeah
31:56there you go I think that voice right
31:57there that you did I think it's going to
31:59get you all the girls think I do I do I
32:02would I would try that one out at the
32:03bar tonight they must then find that and
32:05I think I read this in your work well I
32:06did read it in your work I'm just
32:07pretending I knew it um they also found
32:10that men who have high testosterone
32:13levels are more likely to be in a
32:16relationship um the next year than men
32:18that don't have high testosterone levels
32:20yeah so we know that um we know from
32:23research that not only you know do women
32:25desire testosterone in their partners
32:27women choose men with higher levels of
32:30testosterone as their Partners so
32:32they've done studies looking at whether
32:34or not men are partnered over time right
32:37based on what their testosterone levels
32:39are at time one and then looking at
32:41whether or not they're married at time
32:42two and what we tend to find is that low
32:45and behold men with higher levels of
32:47testosterone are more likely to be
32:48married at time too suggesting that men
32:51are probably more likely to be chosen as
32:53partners when they have higher levels of
32:55testosterone relative to when they do
32:57not
32:59and something that I found really
33:00bizarre and no one's ever explained to
33:01me is I also read I believe it was in
33:04your book or might been in a in a video
33:06I watched of yours um they found that
33:08men who had a
33:10baby had plummeting testosterone levels
33:13yeah like how does the how does the my
33:15body know that I have a baby isn't that
33:17fascinating like the exact mechanisms I
33:19don't know exactly what they are but the
33:22connection between the brain and the
33:24rest of the body I mean it's it's it it
33:26knows everything I mean it knows
33:28everything and what the research finds
33:29is that yes when men get into a
33:32long-term relationship for example a
33:34men's testosterone decreases a little
33:36bit right and we tend to you know
33:38culturally we have this narrative about
33:40testosterone where it's like more is
33:42better right and it's always seen as
33:44something that men should have a lot of
33:46and you see there's testosterone clinics
33:48on all these different Corners um
33:51because you know this idea that men need
33:53lots of testosterone and to have low
33:54testosterone means that you have a
33:56problem but it doesn't always mean that
33:58at all and what we tend to see is that
33:59when men are get into a long-term
34:01relationship testosterone takes a little
34:03dip and when men have children that
34:06they're caring for testosterone takes
34:08another dip and the reason for this is
34:10that it's not always in a man's best
34:13interest to have their foot on the gas
34:15pedal of sexual desire and attraction
34:18all the time it's just not necessarily
34:20the best thing to do if you're a man
34:23engaged in a long-term relationship or
34:25you're a man who's caring for young
34:26children it would be better to take some
34:29of that effort they'd be spend you know
34:31looking at the next door neighbor and
34:33you know looking at her shorts or
34:35whatever it is that you're looking at
34:36and instead using that effort to channel
34:39it toward caring for your children
34:41caring for your
34:43partner so nice guys don't get laid as
34:46much so nice guys might not get laid as
34:50much and and when you look at short-term
34:52casual sexual behavior in particular we
34:54tend to find that the ones who are more
34:56successful with that a mating strategy
34:58tend to be men with higher levels of
35:00testosterone there's just no question
35:02about that nonetheless um being somebody
35:06who's willing to invest and willing to
35:08have long-term relationships with women
35:10generally is going to get you in a good
35:13position um to be able to find a partner
35:16and this is something that anybody can
35:18do to increase their value to women um
35:20and so you could be somebody who has low
35:22testosterone right you're lacking these
35:25cues to um High genetic quality or even
35:28genetic compatibility right like let's
35:30say that your immune genes which is one
35:32thing that women also pick up on at high
35:34fertility is they tend to pick up on
35:37qualities related to somebody having
35:39different immune genes than themselves
35:41men who are lacking these things
35:43completely um Can can make themselves
35:46desirable to women simply by virtue of
35:48being the type of person who's willing
35:50to in invest in a committed relationship
35:52because it is something that women value
35:54this is a bit of a side point and I
35:56haven't seen this in na work but it just
35:58came to mind cuz I was just thinking of
35:59a conversation I had with one of my
36:01friends attraction for me is such a
36:03delicate thing it's almost it's almost
36:05un it's well it is unconscious and I I
36:08we often think of attractiveness as
36:10maybe you know this body part on the
36:12person is a certain shape or their face
36:13looks like this but the older I've
36:16gotten and the more I look back on my
36:17life The more I've come to believe that
36:19there's almost like a thousand tiny
36:21little micro expressions or something in
36:24the air which makes us attracted to
36:25someone else and so when we're giving
36:26people advice on how to be attract Ive I
36:28wonder if most most of the advice is
36:29pretty futile because it's deeper than
36:32that right it's so much deeper than that
36:34yeah so I and and you're totally right
36:36about that I mean the fact is attraction
36:38is idiosyncratic and finicky right so
36:41all of us when we think about the things
36:42that we find sexy and attractive um
36:45there's going to be a lot of ways that
36:46that you're going to disagree with other
36:48people right like you're going to think
36:49that somebody like is so sexy to you and
36:52other people might say yeah you know
36:53she's all right but it doesn't really do
36:55it for them um and there's a there is an
36:58element to our attraction that is very
37:00person specific and idiosyncratic right
37:03and may might there be some evolutionary
37:05Roots behind all of that may be right so
37:09it could be for example that the kinds
37:11of qualities that you find you know just
37:13really attractive in another person that
37:15that make you feel so attracted to them
37:17might be cued that they are a really
37:18compatible mate for you and maybe that's
37:20why you have a very sort of you specific
37:22response to that person but there are
37:24also Dimensions that are shared right so
37:26we know for example that men tend to
37:29place a greater emphasis relative to
37:31women on cues related to physical
37:33attractiveness and that physical
37:35attractiveness tends to be related to
37:37things that have historically been
37:39related to fertility right so for
37:41example having an hourglass body shape
37:43we know that this is something that's
37:45related to a woman's level of sex
37:47hormones and that women with higher
37:49levels of estrogen for example are more
37:51likely to put on fat around their butt
37:53and their thighs and less likely to put
37:55on fat around their waist um relative to
37:57women with higher or lower levels of
38:00estrogen right as estrogen levels
38:02decline when women age their bodies
38:04become more straight up and down than
38:06they do hourglass and this has to do
38:08with changes in estrogen and um and so
38:11we know that that's something that men
38:12generally desire to a greater extent
38:14than women right we also know that men
38:16tend to PR place a greater emphasis on
38:19cues related to youthfulness right so
38:21the cues that are related to H maturity
38:24in a face that's something that women
38:26tend to have aen preference for so if
38:27somebody has sort of an older you know
38:30an older face um they they tend to be
38:32seen as more attractive like so like
38:3550-year-old George Clooney seems more
38:37attractive most women think that that
38:39looks more attractive than you know
38:4125-year-old um George Clooney and and we
38:44see that because our brains have
38:46inherited this tendency to find cues
38:49related to wisdom and status and
38:53resource acquisition all of which come
38:56with greater age um women have in have
38:59inherited that preference for those
39:00kinds of qualities because that would
39:02have given them a mating related
39:04Advantage relative to preferring a more
39:06youthful face conversely for men they
39:10would have been penalized if they had a
39:12preference for maturity in the face of a
39:15potential partner because if you like
39:17women who have signs of maturity and
39:19wisdom and resource acquisition ability
39:22you'd probably choose somebody who's
39:23approaching menopause right and that's
39:26not going to lead to any Gene
39:27transmission at all right and so we tend
39:29to see that men have a heightened
39:31preference for cues related to
39:32youthfulness and faces and so even
39:35though yes there are differen or there
39:37are differences between individuals and
39:39there is some idiosyncrasy that tends to
39:41characterize human mate Choice there are
39:43a lot of things that we can actually
39:44make some pretty strong predictions
39:46about too so there are some overall
39:48themes that tend to characterize men's
39:51and women's partner preferences is it
39:54true that men are less attractive to
39:57successful women is there any sort of
39:59evolutionary basis for that I do know
40:02that research finds that men don't place
40:04as much of a priority on that that
40:06compared to
40:08women but I don't know that they
40:10penalize them exactly right if you had
40:12somebody if you show a man a photograph
40:15of a woman who's dressed like a CEO and
40:18she's gorgeous and you show a man a
40:20picture of a woman who's dressed like a
40:22Burger King service you know person and
40:25she's drop dead gorgeous men are going
40:27to find her similarly attractive in both
40:30conditions it doesn't matter the woman
40:32can be doing it doesn't matter what the
40:33woman is doing and there's been research
40:35that shows this they'll show men and
40:37women photographs of people in different
40:38types of outfits and the men's ratings
40:42of how attractive the women are has just
40:44everything to do with how attractive the
40:46women are um for women rating men it all
40:49depends on what they're wearing right do
40:51they show cues to Resource access do
40:53they not show cues to Resource access
40:56and women tend to modulate how
40:58physically attractive they find men
41:01based on whether or not they have these
41:02cues related to provisioning Ability so
41:05I don't know if there was a really
41:06attractive and there are a lot of really
41:08attractive uh females in positions of
41:11power um men will find them just as
41:13attractive as they do somebody who's not
41:15in a position of power although they may
41:17be you know potentially less likely to
41:19choose them as a long-term mate um you
41:22know if there's issues related to power
41:25dynamics and that sort of thing that
41:26they don't want to mess with with what
41:28about jealousy and
41:30specifically is the term interex women
41:33being jealous of women men being jealous
41:35of men you mentioned a second ago that
41:38if you know 60% of the college educated
41:41or college attendees or 70% of them are
41:43women and there's only a pool of 30%
41:46which are men isn't there going to be a
41:48ton of competition amongst women and
41:51what direction does that competition
41:52travel in is it low status women having
41:56competition with high status women or is
41:57it what is it I mean the competition
42:00when you have cases where there's an
42:01asymmetrical sex ratio and like we do on
42:04college campuses I mean women are very
42:07competitive amongst one another for
42:09access to the men that are available and
42:11oftentimes the way that this like the
42:13form that this tends to take is that
42:15women become increasingly likely to be
42:18willing to do whatever men want of them
42:20in order to be chosen as a mate and what
42:23we've tended to see on college campuses
42:25is because men are more or oriented
42:28toward casual sex and non-committed
42:30relationships than women are what we
42:33tend to see is that short-term hookups
42:35and Casual Sex tend to be very common on
42:39college campuses and in part this is the
42:41result of the fact that women are
42:43competing for access to mates and one of
42:46the ways that they can compete for
42:47access to Mates is to be willing to do
42:50whatever it is that men want in terms of
42:52um providing you know the structure of
42:55the relationship and if men are only
42:57looking for casual sex even though women
42:59are tend to be more oriented toward
43:01long-term relationships they're going to
43:03be um more inclined to just give in to
43:06whatever it is that the men desire um as
43:09a means to be able to get a partner are
43:11women more competitive with beautiful
43:13women or women that are
43:16less stereotypically and socially
43:19considered beautiful oh women are more
43:21competitive with beautiful women I mean
43:22there's just no question about that and
43:24the reason for this is that given that
43:25this is something that men desire and
43:27their Partners um this is the primary
43:30Dimension by which women compete for
43:32access to Partners right and so this is
43:34the big this is the big one um given men
43:38place a really pretty strong priority on
43:41physical attractiveness in their choice
43:42of Partners and in fact one of the
43:44biggest predictors of a woman's upward
43:46social mobility in the US is how
43:49physically attractive a woman is and in
43:51fact that's a bigger predictor of a
43:52woman's upward Mobility than her
43:54education level or even her
43:57socioeconomic status of origin when you
43:59say upward social Mobility what do you
44:01mean I mean the ability to transcend the
44:03social class in which you were born okay
44:05so if you're somebody who was uh you
44:06know working class or middle class or
44:08upper class your ability to transcend
44:11those ranks of um of you know
44:13socioeconomic status is um more strongly
44:16predicted by physical attractiveness
44:18than a woman's education level and
44:20that's like a tough thing to have to
44:22that's a tough nut to you know a tough
44:23nut to crack tough pill to swallow
44:27so women are more competitive
44:31against beautiful women in the lens of
44:34society and stereotypically yes and and
44:37one of the ways that women compete
44:39against one another is by derogating
44:42their competitors right and derogating
44:44their competitors just meaning saying
44:46mean things about them or saying mean
44:48things to them and a lot of times those
44:51mean things that they have to say have
44:53to do with a woman's attractiveness
44:55right they'll try to downplay how
44:56attractive she is to other people by
44:58saying things like um you know oh she's
45:01had a lot of work done right that's the
45:03thing that you'll hear women say um
45:05about each other or to men about other
45:08women and and this is something that's
45:10done to try to manipulate other people's
45:13perceptions of that woman's value but
45:15because attractiveness plays such an
45:17important role in terms of a woman's
45:19ability to successfully attract a
45:21romantic partner um this is a dimension
45:24in which women are fiercely competitive
45:26even when they don't want to say that
45:28they are and want to pretend that
45:29they're not right I think that the
45:30Barbie movie was you know sort of got at
45:33some of these kinds of issues and just
45:35this idea that women want to pretend
45:37like none of this stuff matters right
45:39that it's not that important and that we
45:40don't value this stuff but nonetheless
45:43um this is still a very important domain
45:45of competition for women always has been
45:48I think it probably always will be are
45:49women more likely to trust a beautiful
45:52woman or a woman that is less
45:55stereotypically Beautiful cuz I was
45:56thinking about this um this thing about
45:59gay male shopping sales associates uhhuh
46:02it was a test that you did right yeah so
46:05this was I have um one of my former this
46:09is digging deep so um this one of my
46:11former students um who was really into
46:15and so he's a gay man um and just to set
46:17the stage for all of this he became
46:19really interested in the friendship that
46:23tends to form between gay men and
46:25straight women which is actually
46:26actually you know it there's a this is
46:29something that happens everywhere so
46:31having like the the gay man and the
46:33straight woman friendship is something
46:34that's not just you know something that
46:36we see in Europe and the US it is sort
46:37of cross-culturally ubiquitous and he
46:40was trying to understand this
46:41relationship and one of the things that
46:43he noted in his research is that um the
46:47people who tend to form friendships most
46:49frequently with gay men are beautiful
46:52women um it's like attractive women who
46:55who are more competitive and potentially
46:57May perceive more competition on the
47:01part of other women and they form these
47:03friendships because gay men can provide
47:06them with really important information
47:10um that's relevant on the mating Market
47:12that is not colored by one intersexual
47:15competition right so if you say do these
47:17pants make me look fat right your um
47:20your gay man friend isn't going to tell
47:22you no they look great even though they
47:25make you look terrible because they're
47:26trying to send you out and look terrible
47:28right so there's no like there's no
47:31thread of competition in that
47:33relationship and there's also not the
47:35fear that this person's just trying to
47:36get you in bed right and so there's this
47:39there's this really nice trust um that
47:42women can have with um with gay men this
47:45is your brain on birth control yes why
47:48did you choose to write this book I
47:51chose to write this book because I was
47:52on hormonal birth control for more than
47:54a decade of my life and I'm a
47:57psychologist who studies women and
48:00women's
48:01Brains and I had absolutely no idea that
48:04any of the things that the birth control
48:06pill does to the brain were happening to
48:08me and so I went off of hormonal birth
48:11control after being on it for more than
48:13a decade
48:14straight and when I went off it I felt
48:16like I woke up it was like I had this
48:19moment it was about 3 months after I
48:22discontinued it where all of a sudden I
48:25realized that over the last three months
48:27like I'd been feeling things more deeply
48:30I'd been interested in sex in a way that
48:32I hadn't been in a long time I was
48:34exercising and going to the gym again I
48:37was downloading new music onto my what
48:39was then an iPod um for the first time I
48:42know and yeah it's like it's like a it's
48:45like an archaic iPhone people I was like
48:47downloading new music onto my phone and
48:49my iPod I was cooking it was like I was
48:53just interested in pleasure I had more
48:55energy I was feeling things more deeply
48:58and I thought what is this and I was on
49:02it you know during the time that I was
49:04on birth control I never had any issues
49:07with it like I wasn't one of those
49:08people who had uh negative mood related
49:11side effects and I didn't know that I
49:13was experiencing any side effects at all
49:16and it was only after I went off of it
49:18and started to realize how much more
49:20alive I felt that I started to dig into
49:23the research behind the way that
49:25hormonal birth control changed changes
49:27women and it was then that I learned
49:29that people had been studying this in
49:31some cases for 30 years on the way that
49:34hormonal birth control changes the way
49:35that women think feel and experience the
49:38world and it was then that I knew that I
49:40had to share this information with other
49:41women because here I was as somebody
49:43who's on the pill studies women studies
49:47women's Brains I'd even published papers
49:49on the effects of women's changing
49:52hormones over the cycle and the way that
49:54they influence women and it never even
49:57occurred to me that my birth control was
49:59changing me and I knew that if I didn't
50:02know that the birth control pill was
50:03changing me that nobody else knew it
50:05either and so that led me to dig into
50:08the science behind hormones hormonal
50:10birth control um and how that changes
50:13women um and I put together that book to
50:16tell everybody the things that I learned
50:19pretty dangerous subject matter to take
50:20on it can seem like a dangerous subject
50:23matter to take on and and you know and
50:25for good reason uh hormonal birth
50:27control and having a reliable way to
50:30prevent pregnancy has been by far the
50:33biggest game Cher that women have ever
50:35experienced you know in history um
50:38there's been nothing that has been more
50:40instrumental to women's ability to be
50:42able to achieve political and economic
50:45independence for men than the birth
50:47control pill um and because of this
50:49saying anything that is critical of the
50:52birth control pill um can be seen very
50:54dangerous right because it's like um oh
50:57no don't say that too loudly or else
50:59they're going to take our birth control
51:00away or oh no don't say that too loudly
51:03like what else are we going to do um but
51:06this book was really important to me to
51:08be able to present to women all of the
51:11different ways that hormones influence
51:13us and the surprising ways that hormonal
51:16birth control can change who we are in
51:18the way that we experience the world and
51:20then give that information to women so
51:22that way when they're making decisions
51:24about whether to be on or off of
51:26hormonal birth control they have all the
51:29information about the trade-offs that
51:30they're making and this will allow them
51:32then to make decisions about whether or
51:34not to be on it depending on what's
51:36going on in their own lives because
51:38everything that I've learned about the
51:40way that the birth control pill changes
51:42women means that the answer that you
51:45come to when you're asking yourself the
51:47question do I go on this or do I not go
51:49on this is going to be very woman
51:51specific right for some women the
51:53decision is still going to be yes I I'm
51:55willing to make these trade-offs and for
51:57other women the answer is going to be no
51:59I am not willing to make these
52:00trade-offs and whether or not we make
52:03those sort of where we land on that is
52:04going to differ depending on where we
52:06are in our life and and so on and so
52:08forth and so it was really important to
52:10me to present this information as a way
52:12to really Empower women to be able to
52:14make informed decisions about who they
52:17want to be right and how they want to
52:20regulate their fertility what do you
52:23wish you were told on that day when
52:25you've first given that little packet of
52:26pill pills what what do you think they
52:28if they were been completely honest with
52:29you and they knew what you know now what
52:32is the sort of the list of things you
52:33would have said to a young Sarah about
52:36this decision to me the the one thing
52:40and then we can kind of dive down into
52:41what this all means but the thing that
52:44would have really made a difference to
52:46me is that your hormones make you who
52:49you are and when you change your
52:51hormones you change who you are right so
52:54the birth control pill is going to
52:56change you it changes the version of
52:58yourself that your brain creates and so
53:00if you're going to be going on this you
53:02need to understand what that does so
53:04this of course begs the question what
53:07does it do right and there are several
53:10things that the birth control pill does
53:12right and there's at least five
53:14different things that the birth control
53:16B does to change who we are right it
53:19changes our sexual desire and who we are
53:22attracted to it changes our emotional
53:25states right it can affect our moods it
53:27can affect our ability to regulate and
53:31to manage stress right it
53:35influences sexual desire and sexual
53:38function it influences our ability to be
53:41able to put on muscle mass and affects
53:45our like nutrition and fitness goals
53:47right it affects all of us and not
53:51knowing all of that and not knowing the
53:53potential risks of having side effects
53:56related related to mental health and
53:58libido all the way to everything you
54:00know to like who a person is attracted
54:03to I wish I would have known that that
54:06probably would have you know impacted
54:08again um decisions that I would have
54:10made about staying on it when I didn't
54:13need to because there was there's no
54:15reason to change who you are um if you
54:18don't need the contraceptive benefits so
54:20on that first point then it changes who
54:22you're attracted to your sexual desire
54:25how well so mechanistically the way that
54:28this happens has everything to do with
54:29the hormonal changes that are initiated
54:31by the birth control pill and so just to
54:34talk about the mechanics of this first
54:36and then talking about the downstream
54:37effects of it next um mechanically what
54:40goes on when you take hormonal birth
54:42control is you are suppressing ovulation
54:46right and the way that that that birth
54:47control does this is it does this by
54:50giving you a combination of hormones or
54:52a single hormone that tells your brain
54:55not to stimulate the ovaries and not to
54:58ovulate right and it does this by way of
55:01a synthetic progesterone called a
55:03progestin and progestin which are in all
55:07forms of hormonal birth control when
55:09they get picked up in the hypothalamus
55:11in the brain that sends a signal that
55:14the brain should not stimulate the
55:16ovaries and should not lead to egg
55:18maturation and egg development and when
55:21this happens when the brain is not
55:23stimulating the ovaries this means the
55:25body is not producing estrogen right so
55:27estrogen levels are kept really low and
55:30instead you get this daily dose of a
55:32synthetic progesterone or progestin that
55:35is supplanting that right many forms of
55:38hormonal birth control in addition to
55:40having that synthetic progesterone or
55:43progestin that's that turns off the
55:46brain's communication with the ovaries
55:48it also has a relatively low level of
55:50estrogen that is also added so
55:52combination hormonal birth control pills
55:55contain progestin and a little bit of
55:57estrogen but the estrogen levels are
55:59kept really low and the progesterone
56:01levels or the progestin levels are the
56:04the dominant hormone and you get that
56:06same hormonal message every day right
56:09when you do that what happens when you
56:12Flatline a woman's own production of
56:14hormones and replace them with a daily
56:17dose of synthetic progesterone this does
56:19a few things to sexual like women's
56:22sexual psychology the first thing that
56:24it does is it turns off that estrogen
56:27surge that you get right prior to
56:29ovulation that's related to a heightened
56:31preference for sex you know it Inc like
56:35that estrogen surge is related to um an
56:37increased preference for testosterone
56:39markers and mates right it's related to
56:42women's interest in sex it's related to
56:44sexual function all of those things that
56:46increase right prior to ovulation that
56:49help to promote reproduction sexual
56:51reproduction all of those things are
56:53turned off on women on hormonal birth
56:56control control because instead they're
56:58getting the same daily message in which
57:00progestin is the dominant hormonal
57:02message and estrogen levels are really
57:03low so that's the first thing that
57:05happens but they they're still horny
57:07right they're still uh yes I mean they
57:10still will have sex and they still want
57:12sex but many women report experiencing a
57:16a real decrease in their libido when
57:18they're on hormonal birth control that's
57:20a very common response um and the reason
57:22for this is twofold one one of the
57:25things that's a big factor in promoting
57:27women's sexual desire and um and libido
57:31is estrogen and as estrogen is rising in
57:34the cycle because when estrogen is
57:36rising this is a time in the cycle when
57:38sex can lead to conception this is
57:40something that's known to fuel the
57:42female sexual response so women's sexual
57:45response and and their sexual desire um
57:48all increases with estrogen levels
57:50across the cycle so when you take
57:52hormonal birth control and that's
57:53flatlined which is what it does this
57:56means that sexual desire is kept more
57:59constant across the cycle so you do tend
58:02to find that women who are using
58:03hormonal birth control tend to have
58:05fewer Peaks and valleys in sexual desire
58:07than naturally cycling women do but on
58:10the whole it tends to be lower the other
58:13thing that happens on hormonal birth
58:14control that can lead to a decrease in
58:16libido is that all of those synthetic
58:18hormones that are in hormonal birth
58:20control they tend to lead to an increase
58:23in what's known as sex hormone binding
58:26globulin which is a real mouthful but
58:28what it does is that this is a this is
58:30something that's released by the liver
58:32and it binds up free testosterone right
58:35so it binds up testosterone and makes it
58:38inactive in the body and testosterone
58:41even though we tend to think of it as
58:42like a guy thing and like this is a male
58:44hormone um it's actually really
58:46important in terms of promoting women's
58:48sexual desire and women who are on
58:51hormonal birth control have levels of
58:52free testosterone that are about 60%
58:55lower than that of their naturally
58:57cycling peers and so what this means
59:00again is that you have another you know
59:02blow to women's sexual desire when
59:05they're on hormonal birth control those
59:07low levels of estrogen and then really
59:10low levels of free testosterone those
59:13two things work together to suppress
59:15sexual desire in women and it can also
59:19change attraction because as we noted
59:22when women are approaching you know
59:24ovulation their estrogen levels increase
59:27and this is something that research
59:29finds to be related to women's interest
59:31in testosterone markers in men
59:35researchers more recently said if that's
59:38true you know what happens when you put
59:40women on hormonal birth control and
59:42estrogen levels are kept really low and
59:45what they find is that low and behold
59:47women who are using hormonal birth
59:49control do seem to have a dampened
59:52preference for cues related to
59:54masculinity and testosterone
59:56in Partners relative to what's observed
59:59in naturally cycling women which
1:00:01specifically means that a woman on birth
1:00:04control is less likely to be interested
1:00:07in a guy who is what a guy who has um
1:00:11really masculinized features so for
1:00:14example if you see a face um that has
1:00:17high levels of testosterone generally
1:00:19men um will have like more deep set eyes
1:00:22they tend to have a wider jaw in in the
1:00:26IES they tend to have broader shoulders
1:00:27in a more narrow Waist Deep men with
1:00:30more deep voices men who have um cues to
1:00:35like behavioral cues to social dominance
1:00:37that's also something related to
1:00:39testosterone and what the research finds
1:00:41is that women who are using hormonal
1:00:43birth control do prefer a less
1:00:45masculinized male face relative to what
1:00:48is observed in naturally recycling women
1:00:51I mean this is slightly concerning if
1:00:52you're a man right because if my
1:00:54partner's on the pill and and then she
1:00:56comes off the pill she might not like me
1:00:58right yeah no and that's like a that's a
1:01:00real important question I mean it's very
1:01:02provocative cuz what does that mean and
1:01:05there have been some research studies
1:01:07that have looked at that exact question
1:01:09and one of the best studies that's
1:01:11looked at this question is one that was
1:01:13a longitudinal study of married couples
1:01:16they followed women who were using
1:01:18hormonal birth control at the time that
1:01:20they met their partner and then they
1:01:22just followed them over time to see what
1:01:25would happen when women discontinued the
1:01:27pill what happened when they
1:01:29discontinued was that there were real
1:01:31significant changes in how attracted
1:01:34women were to their partner um depending
1:01:38on whether they chose them using
1:01:40hormonal birth control but what was
1:01:42interesting about it is whether the
1:01:44women became more or less attracted to
1:01:47their partner depends on how attractive
1:01:49their partner was and so what the
1:01:51researchers found is that women who were
1:01:53partnered to attractive men when they
1:01:56went off hormonal birth control they
1:01:58were more attracted to their partner and
1:02:00were more sexually attracted to their
1:02:02partner and more sexually satisfied
1:02:04within their relationship relative to
1:02:06where they were beforehand but for women
1:02:09who were partnered with less attractive
1:02:11Partners they had the opposite effect so
1:02:14when they went off hormonal birth
1:02:15control they became less attracted to
1:02:17their partners and reported being less
1:02:19sexually satisfied with their Partners
1:02:21than where they were beforehand and so
1:02:23this suggests that yes it is a very real
1:02:26possibility that if you um have a
1:02:28partner who chose you when you're using
1:02:31hormonal birth control that this can
1:02:32change attraction within the context of
1:02:35the relationship but whether that's good
1:02:37or bad probably depends on a bunch of
1:02:40other dimensions that you need to take
1:02:42into effect including partner's
1:02:44attractiveness so if you're not a very
1:02:46good-look guy you probably want have to
1:02:47stay on it run for the hills no I mean
1:02:50honestly you know it's one of these
1:02:51things where you know this is you can
1:02:53really quickly become alarmed with this
1:02:56right the good news is this and that is
1:03:00most women who are who choose their
1:03:02Partners when they're on hormonal birth
1:03:04control go off of hormonal birth control
1:03:07and then there's really not a huge
1:03:09shakeup in their relationship right and
1:03:11the reason for this is the way that
1:03:12hormones influence us is they kind of
1:03:15nudge us a little bit one way or the
1:03:17other right they kind of nudge us toward
1:03:19preferring this type of mate or that
1:03:20type of mate it's generally not these
1:03:22big sweeping changes where all of a
1:03:24sudden it's like the w off your eyes and
1:03:26you're like what in the world was I
1:03:27thinking right these are little nudges
1:03:30it's just that for some people who were
1:03:32teetering on the edge of not necessarily
1:03:35being attracted to their partner going
1:03:37off hormonal birth control can tilt them
1:03:40out of Attraction right the same is true
1:03:42for i' I've talked to people who've had
1:03:43the experience of feeling like they were
1:03:46lesbian and all of a sudden they feel
1:03:48like they're bisexual or women who are
1:03:50bisexual and then they go off of the
1:03:52pill and all of a sudden they realize
1:03:54that they're not interested in women
1:03:55anymore I mean it's like sexual
1:03:57orientation attraction of All Sorts
1:03:59whether it's you know who you're
1:04:01attracted to in terms of the sex you're
1:04:03attracted to or who you're attracted to
1:04:05in terms of the specific partners that
1:04:07you're attracted to all of those things
1:04:09are influenced by sex hormones and you
1:04:11know when sex hormones kind of nudge you
1:04:13this way or the other way depending on
1:04:15where you fall in that distribution of
1:04:17you know sort of where you are in terms
1:04:19of sexual orientation or am I attracted
1:04:21to this mate or that mate those people
1:04:23who are on the Tails can get nudged into
1:04:26a place that puts them into the
1:04:28uncomfortable situation where they
1:04:30realize that they're no longer attracted
1:04:32to the person they chose on the pill as
1:04:34a man is my attraction going to change
1:04:37if my partner comes off the pill um so
1:04:39there is evidence that suggests that
1:04:42women are more attractive to men when
1:04:45they're naturally cycling relative to
1:04:47when they're on hormonal birth control
1:04:49and so chances are if you have a partner
1:04:52um that you are attracted to when she's
1:04:54on hormonal birth control when she goes
1:04:56off of it it's actually going to lead to
1:04:57an increase in attraction so there's a
1:04:59ton of research that finds that men find
1:05:02women sexiest they think that they smell
1:05:05better they think that they you know
1:05:07that they look more
1:05:09attractive men will tip women more um at
1:05:13you know at strip clubs when the women
1:05:16are at high fertility across the cycle
1:05:18relative to low fertility across the
1:05:20cycle meaning that men are cued into
1:05:23estrogen levels and scent V phys you
1:05:27know visual appearance and even just the
1:05:29way that women act and move so they've
1:05:31done studies where they have um men
1:05:34looking at women moving um seeing just
1:05:36seeing their Silhouettes move like
1:05:38behind a sheet right so they'll see
1:05:40women walking or dancing and they have
1:05:43them walking or dancing at high or low
1:05:45fertility across the cycle and men find
1:05:47the women more attractive when they just
1:05:50see their outlines moving at high
1:05:53fertility compared to low fertility so
1:05:55men's brains are wired to pick up on
1:05:57estrogen cues and this makes perfect
1:05:59sense when we consider the evolutionary
1:06:01process that designed us right because
1:06:04over the course of evolutionary history
1:06:06men who were really dialed into women's
1:06:08estrogen levels they would have passed
1:06:11down more genes than men who didn't
1:06:13really pay attention to those cues
1:06:15because estrogen across the lifespan is
1:06:17linked with fertility and estrogen
1:06:19across the cycle is linked with
1:06:20fertility right it's a it's linked with
1:06:22fertility no matter which way you look
1:06:24at it and so men who are really queued
1:06:27into um estrogen levels they would have
1:06:29done really well um and so if you are a
1:06:32man your partner chose you when she was
1:06:34using hormonal birth control and now all
1:06:36of a sudden she starts cycling again my
1:06:38guess is that most men will experience
1:06:40an increase in attraction to their
1:06:42partner particularly at high fertility
1:06:44in the cycle because there's so much
1:06:46research that suggests that this is
1:06:48exactly what should go on here's a
1:06:50here's one where I've put a few dots
1:06:52together if my partner is on the birth
1:06:54control pill
1:06:57are my testosterone levels going to be
1:06:58lower that's a fascinating question and
1:07:01it's one I'm super interested in so I
1:07:03actually was just I just had this
1:07:05conversation not that long ago with my
1:07:08my graduate students in my lab there is
1:07:10research that suggest that men's
1:07:12testosterone levels increase in response
1:07:14to the scent of fertile women right so
1:07:17when women are at high fertility if men
1:07:20sniff t-shirts that they were wearing or
1:07:22in one study they actually had men
1:07:24sniffing the
1:07:26air that was being uh piped through a
1:07:28nebulizer that had a woman's panty liner
1:07:30in it that was either worn at high or
1:07:33low fertility so smelling um women's
1:07:35vaginal secretions both of those things
1:07:38have been shown in research to be
1:07:40related um to an increase in
1:07:42testosterone levels in men so it
1:07:44increases men's testosterone levels to
1:07:46be around these cues to high fertility
1:07:49so what happens then when men are
1:07:52spending their time or are partnered
1:07:55with some some who's on hormonal birth
1:07:56control right so given that um estrogen
1:07:59levels can increase testosterone does a
1:08:02lack of estrogen presence lead to lower
1:08:05levels of testosterone on average and
1:08:08this is a question that we do not have a
1:08:10research answer to but it's one that's
1:08:12incredibly fascinating because here we
1:08:14are right 2024 almost
1:08:172025 and we have a testosterone crisis
1:08:20on our hands right men's testosterone
1:08:22levels are much lower um than what they
1:08:25used to be 50 year even 50 years ago and
1:08:28it's possible that one contributor to
1:08:30this is the fact that so many women are
1:08:32using hormonal birth control and when
1:08:35you have on average lower levels of
1:08:37estrogen in the population might this
1:08:40then also predict lower levels of
1:08:43testosterone in men and the answer to
1:08:45that is we don't know and another
1:08:48possibility with that by the way and one
1:08:50that I I think is so interesting is you
1:08:53know we talked about kids and we talked
1:08:55about the fact that men's testosterone
1:08:56levels um will decrease when men are in
1:08:59long-term relationships and then they'll
1:09:01decrease a little bit more when men uh
1:09:02have children that they're caring for
1:09:05and another possibility for men's
1:09:06lowered levels of testosterone I mean in
1:09:09addition to all the you know trash
1:09:11that's in the water and you know all the
1:09:13chemicals that were um that were exposed
1:09:15to is the fact that men are now
1:09:17responsible for more caregiving and you
1:09:19know than than they ever have been in
1:09:21history right with many women you know
1:09:23being in the workforce men are having to
1:09:26also do more in the home than they ever
1:09:28did before and so it's also possible
1:09:31that some of the differences that we see
1:09:32in testosterone levels that have changed
1:09:34over time may be the result of men um
1:09:37their bodies actually decreasing
1:09:38testosterone uh production in response
1:09:41to their changing roles in the home
1:09:44which is also sort of a fascinating
1:09:45possibility are you all concerned that
1:09:47there'll be a bit of a population
1:09:50collapse if we don't start having more
1:09:51kids gosh you know I have thought about
1:09:55I don't I I can't spend you know it's
1:09:58like if you talk about something like
1:09:59that it almost sounds like like you can
1:10:01take the next step and say that it's
1:10:03everybody's you know obligation to
1:10:05reproduce that women need to be having
1:10:06more babies and so I I hasten
1:10:10like if if if I say yes I do think about
1:10:14that I hasten to add that um that it's
1:10:16you know not women's responsibility to
1:10:18make sure that they're having babies but
1:10:20I do wonder what's going to happen you
1:10:23know because people are not reproducing
1:10:25the way that they used to and um and
1:10:27there's a lot of people now who are
1:10:28choosing not to have children at all and
1:10:31so what is that going to do I I have no
1:10:34idea but I I don't think it's
1:10:36necessarily going to be good every
1:10:38single time you eat you have an
1:10:40opportunity to improve your health
1:10:41that's why I love Zoe because it helps
1:10:43me to make the smartest food choices for
1:10:46my body as you guys probably know Zoe is
1:10:48a sponsor of my podcast I'm also an
1:10:50investor in the company which is
1:10:51important to say I invested in the
1:10:53company because Zoe combines My Health
1:10:54Data with their worldclass science using
1:10:57these two things Zoe guides me to Better
1:11:00Health every single time I make a food
1:11:01choice and eat which means I have more
1:11:03energy better sleep better mood and I'm
1:11:06less hungry and the best part about Zoe
1:11:08is that it's backed by their recent
1:11:10clinical trial something called the
1:11:11method study which is the gold standard
1:11:13of scientific research I started Zoe
1:11:15just over a year ago now and I've been
1:11:17able to track my progress week after
1:11:19week so I can learn how to be even
1:11:21smarter the week after and if you
1:11:23haven't joined Zoe yet I'm going to give
1:11:24you 10% off when you joined Zoey today
1:11:27just use the code Steven 10 at checkout
1:11:30so many of you have asked me for a
1:11:31bloody code for Zoe and here is your
1:11:33opportunity stevenh turn at checkout
1:11:35there may not be another one quick one I
1:11:37want to tell you about a new health
1:11:39product/ Gadget that's had a big impact
1:11:41on my life but also my partner's life
1:11:43they are a sponsor of this podcast and
1:11:44me and my partner are both quite
1:11:45obsessed with it now it is the Bon
1:11:47charge infrared SAA blanket have you
1:11:50ever heard of an infrared sauna blanket
1:11:52before infrared sauna blankets are
1:11:53designed to give you the exact same same
1:11:55benefits of infrared saers that you find
1:11:57at gyms and spas and health clubs but
1:11:59they're portable you can use them at
1:12:00home you can use them when you travel
1:12:02and anywhere in between it heats the
1:12:04body directly rather than the air around
1:12:06you and for me when I use the bond
1:12:07charge infrared sa a blanket before I
1:12:09sleep my sleep scores go up I'm better
1:12:11recovered the next day when I go to the
1:12:13gym because it helps with circulation
1:12:14and stiffness and muscle soreness but
1:12:16also infrared is associated with really
1:12:18improving your skin they are a sponsor
1:12:20of this podcast and because of that
1:12:22they've offered all of you listeners a25
1:12:25% discount when you try Bond charges
1:12:28infrared SAA blankets today to get that
1:12:30discount use the code diary at checkout
1:12:31and you'll also get free shipping and a
1:12:33year-long warranty head to bonch
1:12:35charge.com diary and get started on your
1:12:38in Fred SAA Journey today just for a
1:12:40second because I've had so many
1:12:41conversations on this podcast about
1:12:44men's issues and the state of the the
1:12:46world for men right now it's quite an
1:12:48interesting moment with like the
1:12:50depression statistics and suicidality
1:12:53and sexlessness and all these
1:12:56things and I don't know if you you've
1:12:58even got an answer to this question but
1:13:01what advice would have you got a son I
1:13:04do what advice do you give to a young
1:13:07man how old is he he's he's 15 he's 15
1:13:11perfect he's like right at the age where
1:13:13he's just about to figure out what it is
1:13:15to be a man right what advice are you
1:13:17giving to him about like what is a good
1:13:19man in the modern world right I mean is
1:13:21it okay to be masculine like yeah yeah
1:13:23no I yes I think I think that there's I
1:13:25think there's room for masculinity like
1:13:28I and
1:13:29honestly sex demands it I mean I I so I
1:13:33teach a class called Evolution sex in
1:13:35the brain and one of the things that we
1:13:37talk about is just how problematic um
1:13:42you know sex has become because there's
1:13:45so much of a a dance with like seduction
1:13:49you know it's like everybody knows when
1:13:52um sort of you know masculinity has gone
1:13:55too far it's like you know it when you
1:13:56see it when somebody is you know like
1:13:59touching a woman when she's asking not
1:14:01to be her or is harassing somebody it's
1:14:03like we all know what that looks like
1:14:05but then there's also you know seduction
1:14:08requires like Ian the whole idea of
1:14:11Seduction is this idea that men um can
1:14:14lead women into sexuality and so trying
1:14:18to have a conversation with my son about
1:14:21you know it's like everything has to you
1:14:23know he has to make sure that if he's um
1:14:25interacting with girls that there is
1:14:27consent and that that it's consensual
1:14:29any sort of a physical touch that goes
1:14:31on but at the same time you know like I
1:14:35would never at the you I can
1:14:40imagine thinking you know is it okay if
1:14:43I touch your breast you know like like I
1:14:45can't imagine that I can't imagine
1:14:47living in that world I mean it's it's a
1:14:50really tricky world to be in being a
1:14:52male is hard I mean that's like a hard
1:14:55hard line to toe because on the one hand
1:14:57you're you know you don't want to do
1:15:00something that's obviously going to be
1:15:01detrimental or hurtful to a woman or
1:15:04violate her in some way but on the other
1:15:07hand you know you can go too far with
1:15:09the permissions in a way that can be
1:15:11really bad for sex and um because
1:15:14attraction and sexual desire is all
1:15:17about sort of the pushing the pull of
1:15:18the masculine and The Feminine but also
1:15:20if you're if you're a low status male
1:15:23like I was at the start of my career
1:15:25when I'm 18 no money like working in a
1:15:28call center you know not really any
1:15:31friends can't Pro can barely well
1:15:34couldn't provide for myself let alone
1:15:35anybody else right and in terms of
1:15:38dating Dynamics I often hear that the
1:15:39like top 10% of men are pretty much
1:15:41having all the fun right yeah that's
1:15:43probably true and then the bottom 50% of
1:15:45men haven't had sex for like a year or
1:15:47something crazy like that so if you're
1:15:49in that bottom 50% and but that's not
1:15:51the case going the other way is it
1:15:52because it's much easier for a woman to
1:15:55acquire sex if she sort sort it I mean
1:15:57you did studies on this right right well
1:15:59yeah I mean if a woman is looking for
1:16:00sex it's not hard to find like any woman
1:16:04who is um listening to this right now if
1:16:06she decided to go and have sex tonight
1:16:09she'd probably be able to find a taker
1:16:11what was the study of the actor the
1:16:13beautiful actor on a campus oh yes no
1:16:15that's a wonderful study so that's a
1:16:17classic social psychology study that was
1:16:19done at the University of Florida a
1:16:21number of years ago what the researchers
1:16:23did is they had a male and female model
1:16:26so an really attractive person
1:16:28approached strangers on campus and they
1:16:32would introduce themselves they would
1:16:33just say hello I've been noticing you
1:16:36around campus and find you very
1:16:38attractive and after they made this
1:16:40introduction they would then follow this
1:16:42with one of three requests it would
1:16:44either be would you like to go on a date
1:16:46with me would you like to go back to my
1:16:48apartment with me or would you like to
1:16:51go and have sex with me right and then
1:16:53they simply made note of what the said
1:16:55right did they say yes or did they say
1:16:57no and what they found was that for both
1:17:00men and women 50% agreed to the date
1:17:03right so I've been noticing around
1:17:05campus I find you very attractive would
1:17:06you go on a date with me 50% of men 50%
1:17:09of women said yes after that the sexes
1:17:12diverged in pretty pretty marked ways
1:17:15right what they found is that very few
1:17:17women almost zero women said yes to go
1:17:20back to the apartment with the person
1:17:22and a full 0% of women said that they
1:17:25would go back and have sex with the
1:17:26person this isn't what they found for
1:17:29men right for men what they found was
1:17:31that men were more likely to agree to go
1:17:34back to somebody's apartment with them
1:17:35than they were to the date and men were
1:17:38most likely to agree to just have sex
1:17:41almost 80% of men agreed yeah I would
1:17:43love to go and have sex with you and the
1:17:45men who said No usually were in a
1:17:48relationship right or noted that like
1:17:50their parents were in town and they
1:17:51wouldn't be able to go back to their
1:17:53apartment and so so this goes to show
1:17:57some real differences when it comes to
1:17:59men's and women's sort of tendency
1:18:02towards sexual opportunism and the fact
1:18:05is you know historically women have had
1:18:09huge costs related to sexual behavior
1:18:11just simply because women to reproduce
1:18:14have a minimum investment of 9 months
1:18:16time in pregnancy and then subsequent
1:18:19time spent breastfeeding right and so
1:18:21for women who were sexually
1:18:23opportunistic in other was willingness
1:18:25to con willing to consent to sex without
1:18:28strings or investment women would have
1:18:30been penalized for that right because
1:18:32throughout most of our evolutionary
1:18:33history that could result in a pregnancy
1:18:36and it could result in a pregnancy for
1:18:38which you have no one to help co-invest
1:18:41for men on the other hand being willing
1:18:43to consent to sex without commitment
1:18:47that's an evolutionary win right that's
1:18:49a potential Gene transmission
1:18:51opportunity because short-term sex of
1:18:53course can lead to pregnancy and if
1:18:56there is no expectation of further
1:18:58investment it's very low cost right so
1:19:01the costs and benefits related to
1:19:03short-term casual sex are vastly
1:19:06different depending on whether or not
1:19:08you have a male or female body so if
1:19:10your son comes home one day and says mom
1:19:12listen I've tried my best um I can't
1:19:15seem to persuade a woman to give me a
1:19:18chance right then I would say go to the
1:19:20gym and be a nice guy well I mean
1:19:22honestly be a nice guy
1:19:26well no but nice guys can can form
1:19:28relationships right if he's looking for
1:19:30a girlfriend I think one of the ways
1:19:31that you can get a girlfriend is by
1:19:33being willing to being willing to invest
1:19:36in a woman like if you're a jerk you
1:19:39know you're going to have a harder time
1:19:41um even if you're an attractive jerk if
1:19:43you were like an attractive nice guy
1:19:46you'd probably do better as long as
1:19:47you're not too nice right because that
1:19:48might give off like low testosterone
1:19:50cues I'm not really sure but these like
1:19:52bad boys they seem to
1:19:55get a lot of the sort of sexual
1:19:57attention right what is that about but
1:19:59that's but that's like despite the fact
1:20:01that they're bad boy I mean so so it
1:20:02depends on how we're defining Bad Boys
1:20:04okay so little bit yeah yeah so a lot of
1:20:07those are cues related to testosterone
1:20:09right so having you know being risk
1:20:12tolerant so being willing to do things
1:20:14that are really risky um and you know
1:20:18and and being a little bit arrogant
1:20:19because you know you're always going to
1:20:21succeed I mean those are cues related to
1:20:24status and related to sometimes uh
1:20:26testosterone levels right and so we know
1:20:29that women like both of these things in
1:20:31their partners and so because of that
1:20:33those men will tend to do pretty well on
1:20:35the mating market for for men who um you
1:20:38know don't have those quality so so men
1:20:42who are not you
1:20:44know risk seeking and are not arrogant
1:20:48um that's not necessarily going to not
1:20:50do them favors unless that also is you
1:20:54know an indicator that they
1:20:56have other qualities that aren't working
1:20:59for them you can have somebody who's
1:21:01very
1:21:01successful right and has high
1:21:03testosterone who's not a jerk right and
1:21:06that guy will do pretty well why would
1:21:08you tell your son to go to the gym I
1:21:10would tell my son to go to the gym
1:21:11because um it's like one way that you
1:21:13can naturally increase your testosterone
1:21:15levels is by building muscle and also
1:21:17another thing that that does um is that
1:21:20muscle mass is related to reductions in
1:21:23anxiety and the reason for this is
1:21:25because if you're a big dude it means
1:21:27that you're going to be able to protect
1:21:29yourself and so your brain makes the
1:21:31adjustment and it makes you more
1:21:33confident and less anxious when you have
1:21:36um when you have some muscle mass and so
1:21:38I would say go and do those things and
1:21:40then also doing the things that you can
1:21:42to get access to resources and Status
1:21:44right so study and work hard um because
1:21:48ultimately people who do that tend to do
1:21:51well and people um who do well
1:21:53financially and do well in terms of you
1:21:56know ascending the status hierarchy they
1:21:58tend to also do well in the mating
1:22:00Market if they're men have you got a
1:22:02daughter I sure do your daughter comes
1:22:04home mom I've tried my best and no one's
1:22:08interested right yeah no so for my
1:22:11daughter then I would say then you just
1:22:13need you need to wait right you are
1:22:15probably you are probably in the wrong
1:22:18you are probably in the wrong mating
1:22:20pool um would be my would be my advice
1:22:23to her why uh my advice are well because
1:22:26so a few things so many of the things
1:22:30that women um sort of possess that men
1:22:33desire in their choice of Partners um
1:22:36are things that women don't have that
1:22:38much control over right it's like a
1:22:40woman's like Youth and and reproductive
1:22:43value and these things related to
1:22:45fertility you would tell her to hate the
1:22:47gym I I mean I guess I might tell her to
1:22:49hit the I might tell her to hit the gym
1:22:50it probably make her feel better but I
1:22:52don't think that I would tell her like
1:22:53you know should probably go and get your
1:22:56hair done and you know um I'm trying to
1:23:00think oh well go off the birth control
1:23:01pill so that if if she was on the birth
1:23:03control pill which she is not um but I'm
1:23:06just thinking in an abstract way like
1:23:09what I would what I would tell her like
1:23:10things that women can do to increase
1:23:12their attractiveness to men I mean it's
1:23:15like okay go be more beautiful like what
1:23:17are you going to say um and so like I
1:23:20said my real advice if my daughter said
1:23:22this would I would say you
1:23:25like probably need a different pool of
1:23:27mates what if she was 35 if she was 35
1:23:30hm good question so if she was 35 what
1:23:33would I recommend like is this like what
1:23:36I would actually recommend to my
1:23:37daughter or do you are you trying to get
1:23:39at like what should a woman do because
1:23:43here's here's I I have two different
1:23:45answers right so if a woman is just like
1:23:47looking for if you want me to write a
1:23:50pamphlet called 35-year-old woman here
1:23:53are the things you need to do to find a
1:23:54partner I mean it would have a whole
1:23:56list of unsavory like things that you
1:23:59know I mean it would be like consider
1:24:01Botox men are attracted to women who
1:24:04have features related to Youth and
1:24:07fertility consider having a Brazilian
1:24:11buttlift because men are also interested
1:24:13in this why don't you also consider you
1:24:16know um spending time on your hair and
1:24:20makeup but I don't think I would write
1:24:22that book you know that's not the advice
1:24:24that's not the advice that I would I
1:24:26would give do men find confidence
1:24:29attractive in women cuz this is I was
1:24:31thinking about this as you're speaking
1:24:33because I I can think of many people
1:24:35that I know many women and men but many
1:24:37women that I know that are um you know
1:24:40maybe you know approaching their 40s and
1:24:42they're
1:24:43beautiful but they're single and they
1:24:46don't want to be single and it's not
1:24:48necessarily it's not necessarily a
1:24:50physical thing it appears but it seems
1:24:51to be more of like a self-esteem
1:24:53confidence thing and I can see how in
1:24:55men confidence matters like if they're
1:24:57stood up straight and they exert those
1:24:59like those signals of dominance or not
1:25:02dominance but like a high status right
1:25:04that' be attractive is it the same in
1:25:05women are men attracted to like
1:25:06confident women yes and no so women who
1:25:09are seen as more confident like that is
1:25:11seen as more attractive for example like
1:25:14somebody who has some self assurance of
1:25:17themselves instead of you know sort of
1:25:18like kicking their toe on the ground
1:25:20generally um people find that attractive
1:25:22both men and women but the degree to
1:25:24which that is prioritized is hugely
1:25:26different between the Sexes and if you
1:25:28are a woman and you sort of go out and
1:25:31exude those cues related to like social
1:25:34dominance for example and social
1:25:37status that's not going to necessarily
1:25:40get you a mate and in some cases it
1:25:42might actually detract from your
1:25:44attractiveness as a mate because people
1:25:47seem to view women who are in positions
1:25:50of power more negatively than how they
1:25:53perceive men men and women who are in
1:25:56positions of power there's sort of
1:25:59a there's a there's definitely a double
1:26:02standard there and there and this is
1:26:04something that has been fairly well
1:26:06studied where they find that there's
1:26:08nobody more
1:26:09polarizing in the world than powerful
1:26:12women so for example you know somebody
1:26:14like KLA Harris who is running for
1:26:15president um people seem to either
1:26:18really love her or really hate her um so
1:26:21there's this polarization that happens
1:26:23with powerful women this happens for
1:26:25anybody who's run for any political
1:26:26office that is a female you get these
1:26:29sorts of issues and women who are
1:26:32confident and um and uh direct and
1:26:36assertive are seen as being cold and and
1:26:40you know like we call girls bossy right
1:26:43when they have these kinds of qualities
1:26:44whereas if it's a boy or men it's like
1:26:47leadership potential and so there is a
1:26:50double standard in how we tend to
1:26:51perceive this and and it's not you know
1:26:53over over the course of evolutionary
1:26:55history women did well when they chose
1:26:58um High status men right that would have
1:27:00prefer that would have given them
1:27:01preferential access to resources for
1:27:03themselves and their children we don't
1:27:05get that same kind of a pattern for men
1:27:08choosing women right men who chose women
1:27:11who were you know high in status and um
1:27:15you know socially dominant that doesn't
1:27:18necessarily translate into anything
1:27:20that's going to correspond to increased
1:27:21reproductive success bit of a
1:27:24sort of correlated but uncorrelated
1:27:26Point people talk about daddy issues and
1:27:30in your work I've I've kind of seen
1:27:31hints of an explanation for daddy issues
1:27:34I if my father isn't around that has a
1:27:37big impact on who I am is there any
1:27:39truth to this idea that people can have
1:27:41Daddy Issues yeah no there absolutely is
1:27:43and so and when I when I say this you
1:27:46know Daddy Issues just simply referring
1:27:48to the fact that women whose fathers are
1:27:50not invested in them or absent during
1:27:52childhood that these women women will
1:27:54tend to have more unrestricted or
1:27:56precocious sexual development and sexual
1:27:58behavior relative to what we see in
1:28:01women who grow up with investing dads so
1:28:03just to give you an example of some
1:28:05research that's been done looking at
1:28:06this research finds that women who grow
1:28:09up in a household without an investing
1:28:11dad so Dad is either gone or dad is
1:28:14there but you know in name only so he's
1:28:17not really investing and and um in in
1:28:19the family those women go into puberty
1:28:22significantly earlier they undo girls
1:28:25who grow up in two parent homes with
1:28:27investing fathers they also tend to have
1:28:29an earlier age at which they begin
1:28:31having sex relative to women who have
1:28:33two dads in the home um and they tend to
1:28:36have um a greater number of sexual
1:28:37partners sort of overtime relative to
1:28:40girls who grow up with two parents in
1:28:41the home wouldn't they then also go into
1:28:43menopause area that's a really great
1:28:45question and um there is some evidence
1:28:47that suggests that there may be a
1:28:49decrease in ovarian reserve that might
1:28:52go on but there hasn't been anything
1:28:53linking that to
1:28:54just yet which is the the amount of eggs
1:28:56they have in their ovies what role does
1:28:59the father play on our sexual
1:29:00preferences and decision- making so if
1:29:02my if my dad am I taking as a woman do I
1:29:06take cues on what a good partner is from
1:29:09looking at my
1:29:10dad I have not seen any research that
1:29:12has looked at that I've seen some
1:29:14research looking at whether women prefer
1:29:17Partners who are kind of similar to
1:29:18their dads do they um and they they do
1:29:21seem to um and which is interesting in
1:29:24its own right um but I do not know
1:29:27anything about men like and their
1:29:31preferences and whether or not their
1:29:33sons then tend to emulate those
1:29:35preferences that's an interesting
1:29:36question so on the on the subject of
1:29:39stress what is the impact that the birth
1:29:41control pill has on how woman
1:29:43experiences stress well the research
1:29:46finds that when women are on hormonal
1:29:48birth control that they have a blunted
1:29:50cortisol response to stress and cortisol
1:29:52is a stress hormone right and we all
1:29:55know it as this bad guy right this idea
1:29:57like oh no high cortisol and that's you
1:30:00know seen as something that's bad
1:30:02because when you experience high levels
1:30:04of cortisol for a long period of time it
1:30:06actually is bad right so chronic stress
1:30:08causes all kinds of problems right it
1:30:11makes you put on visceral fat so it
1:30:12makes you put on belly fat it um dumps
1:30:15fat and blood into your bloodstream um
1:30:18in ways that can raise your
1:30:19triglycerides and put you at a greater
1:30:21risk for heart and cardiovascular
1:30:22problems it's not good um but having
1:30:27Dynamic spikes in cortisol in response
1:30:30to stressful events is actually
1:30:32incredibly adaptive um and it's
1:30:34something that allows us to be able to
1:30:36regulate manage and cope with stress
1:30:39right there's a reason we experience
1:30:41cortisol in response to stress and what
1:30:43what research finds is that for women
1:30:45who are using hormonal birth control
1:30:47that you get a no you know a blunted or
1:30:51absent cortisol response to stress and
1:30:54this is the sort of thing that we tend
1:30:55to see in people who've experienced PTSD
1:30:58or trauma because people who've
1:31:00experienced PTSD in trauma their stress
1:31:03responses um get shut down by their
1:31:06bodies because they've experienced so
1:31:07much stress that their body is like no
1:31:09more cortisol released for you because
1:31:11cortisol in the long term is not good
1:31:14right it is it is detrimental to the
1:31:16body and so what research finds is that
1:31:20people with PTSD and people who've had
1:31:22trauma they have a blunted or absent
1:31:24cortisol response to stress because
1:31:25their body just doesn't allow them to
1:31:27release it anymore because it's
1:31:29chronically being released and we see
1:31:31the same thing in women who are using
1:31:32hormonal birth control so they
1:31:34experience a blunted or absent cortisol
1:31:36response to stress and this is something
1:31:38that can lead to disregulated responses
1:31:41and everything ranging from their immune
1:31:42system which um is regulated in part by
1:31:46cortisol because that helps to regulate
1:31:48the inflammatory response that we have
1:31:49both to stress and also injury and it
1:31:52can lead to things like our ility to
1:31:54regulate our emotional responses because
1:31:56we know that cortisol has something to
1:31:57do with that as well and we know from so
1:32:01much research now that women who are on
1:32:03hormonal birth control that they have um
1:32:06dysregulations in um in emotional
1:32:08responses oftentimes with these women
1:32:10being at an increased risk for
1:32:11developing um things like uh anxiety and
1:32:15depression right and this may in part
1:32:17have something to do with the
1:32:18differences that we have in uh cortisol
1:32:21in your book you mentioned that in a
1:32:23study in DeMont women on the pill were
1:32:2550% more likely to be diagnosed with
1:32:27depression within 6 months of starting
1:32:29the pill compared to naturally cycling
1:32:31women and researchers showed that women
1:32:33who were on the pill were two times as
1:32:35likely to have attempted suicide than
1:32:38naturally cycling women yeah it's pretty
1:32:41Stark I mean there are some real risk
1:32:43factors that come up when women are
1:32:45using hormonal birth control and these
1:32:47are things that often times are swept
1:32:49under the rug by their doctors who are
1:32:51prescribing it right the fact is
1:32:53especially especially for teenage girlss
1:32:55going on hormonal birth control can
1:32:58significantly increase your risk of
1:33:00developing a mental health disorder and
1:33:02significantly increase your risk of
1:33:04attempting or being successful at
1:33:06suicide and this is something that's
1:33:09absolutely necessary especially for
1:33:12mothers of young girls and young girls
1:33:14who are being put on these pills because
1:33:16they're the ones who asymmetrically bear
1:33:19the burden of the increased risk of
1:33:21mental health related problems and the
1:33:23about these girls is that we don't know
1:33:25whether or not these patterns are
1:33:27reversible because the teenage brain is
1:33:30still developing and to go into a
1:33:32teenage brain that's still developing
1:33:35and suppress normal hormonal variation
1:33:38that occurs across the cycle and instead
1:33:40replace it with synthetic hormones we
1:33:43have no idea what this does to brain
1:33:45development and this is an important
1:33:47question because brain development that
1:33:49occurs during the puberal transition
1:33:52that is when the brain is remodeling
1:33:53itself from its child version of itself
1:33:56into the grown-up version of itself that
1:33:58remodeling job is being coordinated by
1:34:01sex hormones and so the idea that we're
1:34:03going to replace that you know these nor
1:34:05these naturally occurring variation in
1:34:07sex hormones and replace it with
1:34:09synthetics and that is not going to have
1:34:11any impact on brain development doesn't
1:34:13seem realistic how old is your daughter
1:34:16she's 17 17 so she's right she's she's
1:34:19at the age now where she's making the
1:34:20decision you mentioned Ellie she's not
1:34:21on birth control yes how did you feel
1:34:23feel when it came time to make that
1:34:26decision I mean for me it's all about
1:34:28like what you know weighing the risks
1:34:31and the benefits and so for me the first
1:34:33you know risk and benefit question is is
1:34:36there a risk that this person is going
1:34:38to get pregnant right and so if she's
1:34:40not in a sexual relationship I don't
1:34:42have to worry about it it's a no-brainer
1:34:44you're not going on hormonal birth
1:34:45control if she is sexually active then
1:34:48the question becomes is there a way that
1:34:50we can protect her from pregnancy that
1:34:53doesn't introduce these exogenous
1:34:55hormones these synthetic hormones that
1:34:57are going to shut down her own hormone
1:35:00production and potentially impact brain
1:35:02development thankfully there are options
1:35:04um so there's not great right and
1:35:07they're not for everyone but for example
1:35:10um there's the copper IUD which is an
1:35:13intrauterine device that um that
1:35:16prevents pregnancy without changing
1:35:18women's sex hormones and so I think
1:35:20that's a really good option for sexually
1:35:22active teenagers is that the coil it's
1:35:24yes it's the coil it's the it's the um
1:35:27it's the copper coil because there's two
1:35:28different types of coils where does that
1:35:30go it goes up in the vagina it goes up
1:35:32um into the cervix okay and it sits
1:35:34there for a long time sits there for a
1:35:35long time sits there for like 5 years is
1:35:37how long it can stay in there without
1:35:38having to be replaced and it's a really
1:35:41great option um for women to be able to
1:35:43protect themselves without having to
1:35:45think about it right and that's really
1:35:46important when we're talking about
1:35:47teenagers because a lot of times they
1:35:49don't make the best decisions um their
1:35:51frontal lobes are not done done to
1:35:53developing and because of this they
1:35:55don't always plan and they don't always
1:35:57think things clearly you know think
1:35:59think things through clearly um and so
1:36:02for a teenager who's not necessarily
1:36:04going to be all that on top of things
1:36:07when it comes to using things like
1:36:08condoms which is a barrier method that
1:36:10requires that you actually use the
1:36:11condom right you can't just have them um
1:36:14and then protect yourself from pregnancy
1:36:16or something like the fertility
1:36:18awareness method which is where women
1:36:20keep track of where they are in their
1:36:21cycle and then um you know and then uh
1:36:25use or abstain from sex or use a barrier
1:36:27method when they're at high fertility um
1:36:30and then they don't have to worry about
1:36:31it at low fertility I don't necessarily
1:36:34recommend those highly for teenagers if
1:36:36possible just because it requires a lot
1:36:38of thought and like I said teenagers
1:36:41aren't always great at thinking through
1:36:42things what about that thing that goes
1:36:44in the arm a lot of the girls in my
1:36:46school when I was in secondary school
1:36:48were getting the little thing in their
1:36:49arm yeah so that is the implant so
1:36:51that's um here in the US the one that
1:36:54people are on is called nexplanon and
1:36:56that gives a same it gives a daily dose
1:36:58of a um synthetic progesterone or a
1:37:01progestin and that daily dose of that
1:37:03hormone is of course keeping the brain
1:37:05from stimulating the ovaries and so it's
1:37:07keeping hormones flatlined and so that
1:37:10is something that yes is incredibly
1:37:12effective and yes it is brainless
1:37:14because you don't have to think about it
1:37:15which is great because the best birth
1:37:17control is birth control that you don't
1:37:19have to think about but you're getting a
1:37:22daily dose of this hormone hormone
1:37:23that's shutting off your ovulation and
1:37:25so you're going to experience all of the
1:37:28changes that women experience when using
1:37:30hormonal birth control when you're using
1:37:32that right it can change who you're
1:37:33attracted to it can change your sex
1:37:35drive it can change your mood it can
1:37:37change your ability to regulate your
1:37:38stress response it can change your
1:37:40ability to put on muscle mass from
1:37:41working out there's some new research
1:37:44that finds that women who are using
1:37:47hormonal birth control who are doing the
1:37:49exact same exercises as women who are
1:37:51naturally cycling over a 12we per period
1:37:54right put on less mus muscle mass and
1:37:57had lower levels of testosterone
1:37:59relative to what you see in the women
1:38:00who are naturally cycling and of course
1:38:02that's what they find because women who
1:38:04are using hormonal birth control their
1:38:06testosterone levels are kept suppressed
1:38:08and this is one of the big stimulators
1:38:10that we know of muscle growth and same
1:38:13with um ampk levels are tend to be high
1:38:16when estrogen is high and that's also
1:38:18something that promotes mus muscle
1:38:19growth and that's lower in in women who
1:38:22are using hormonal birth control
1:38:23relative to Natural cyclers um and so
1:38:26you know it also can influence that it
1:38:28influences everything and so the idea
1:38:32that you know um hormonal birth control
1:38:36is the answer for women when it comes to
1:38:39regulating fertility um I just don't
1:38:42think that it is you know it's an answer
1:38:44and it's one that we need to we need to
1:38:45make sure all women have access to it
1:38:47who need it but you know my whole
1:38:50message with everything with my book and
1:38:52everything else has always been and we
1:38:54need more answers like we need better
1:38:57answers and it seems like things might
1:38:58be moving in that way there's more
1:39:00research being done on things um that
1:39:03you know male contraception and not just
1:39:05male hormonal contraception I don't
1:39:07think that's the answer either because
1:39:09the idea of suppressing men's hormone
1:39:11production to such an extent that they
1:39:13no longer produce viable sperm which is
1:39:16how they're looking at it by the way I
1:39:19don't think that's the answer that's
1:39:20just sh I think men would sign up is
1:39:22that crazy no no I don't think men would
1:39:24sign up either I'm like who would take
1:39:26this I'm like who like this is madness
1:39:29but that's what they're working on and
1:39:30it just shifts the problem you know it
1:39:32shifts it onto men but there are some
1:39:34really interesting things that are
1:39:36happening in terms of like for example
1:39:38there's um can ask you a question on
1:39:40that do you think that if the shoe was
1:39:42on the other foot and men had to take
1:39:44the pill so suddenly there was a thing
1:39:45that came out and it's like oh you're a
1:39:46man and you can take a pill it messes
1:39:48with your hormones a little bit they're
1:39:49going to be like artificially um
1:39:52replaced with this pill do you think men
1:39:55would take it
1:39:57no no I don't I think some men would but
1:40:01do I think most men would take that
1:40:02absolutely not no way no way Jose I
1:40:05wouldn't take it I'm just going to be
1:40:06honest I would I don't know anybody I
1:40:09honestly I don't know any men who' say
1:40:11yeah sign me up for that I mean the fact
1:40:13is like if you look anywhere so why do
1:40:15women take it women take it because we
1:40:17have no choice okay cuz you're going to
1:40:19B yeah it's like we're the ones who get
1:40:21stuck with the pregnancy you know for
1:40:23for men their other option like if they
1:40:25say no I'm not going to take this is
1:40:27that their partner will be on the pill
1:40:29but then if the partner's not on the
1:40:30pill either you have the partner's not
1:40:32on the pill then um you know then
1:40:34they've got to figure something else out
1:40:36but a lot of times what ends up
1:40:38happening is the women end up going on
1:40:39the pill and it's because for women
1:40:42pregnancy is so costly yeah that it's
1:40:45hard for us not to be the ones who are
1:40:46bearing the the price of of birth
1:40:48control because the fact is we're always
1:40:51the one who who end up ultimately having
1:40:53to pay the largest cost your daughter
1:40:55she's 17 years old you said that when
1:40:58you went on the birth control pill it
1:40:59changed you and after you came off it
1:41:01you quote unquote woke up uhhuh so of
1:41:04course you're presumably you're scared
1:41:06of your Lo changing your daughter right
1:41:09and how how I mean under your analogy
1:41:12she'd be asleep right yeah yeah no I
1:41:15don't want I don't want that and I also
1:41:17especially don't want that when she's
1:41:19during this period in her life when her
1:41:20brain is still developing because like I
1:41:22said there has been hardly any research
1:41:25that has looked at what happens to brain
1:41:27development when you introduce synthetic
1:41:30sex hormones to women when their brains
1:41:31are
1:41:32developing and the research that does
1:41:35exist looking at this question doesn't
1:41:37paint a very good picture of it it looks
1:41:39like it can put women on a long-term
1:41:41risk of developing major depressive
1:41:43disorder over the course of their
1:41:45lifetime even after they've gone off of
1:41:47it and so no I don't you know I the idea
1:41:50of having my daughter on hormonal birth
1:41:52control is not
1:41:53something that I want to have happen
1:41:55especially when her brain is developing
1:41:57she text you now and says I'm gonna
1:41:59start taking the pill mom how do you
1:42:00feel how would I feel I would feel like
1:42:02if that was the best I mean if if if she
1:42:05really couldn't tolerate the the iug the
1:42:07the copper iug that doesn't have the
1:42:09hormonal side effects then I would say
1:42:12better that than
1:42:13pregnant the fact is teenage pregnancy
1:42:16is one of the biggest predictors of a
1:42:19woman ending up in poverty and that's a
1:42:21much bigger deal than whether or not a
1:42:23woman feels like she's awake or asleep
1:42:25and so sadly that's where we are and
1:42:28it's my hope that as we move forward and
1:42:31the more that we start to recognize that
1:42:32birth control as an issue for women
1:42:35hasn't been solved right and that we
1:42:37need more options besides just changing
1:42:40women's hormones it's my hope that
1:42:42things are going to get better and that
1:42:43we push for more options I mean I think
1:42:45that it's so long been consider you know
1:42:49we think that birth control is solved
1:42:52and and it's not and so I'm I'm hoping
1:42:54that there's going to be more options
1:42:56and so that way you know later on my
1:42:58daughter's daughters and her daughter's
1:43:00daughter's daughters have more things to
1:43:02choose from than
1:43:03just change
1:43:05me or you know come at risk of a teenage
1:43:09pregnancy what kind of emails do you get
1:43:12like what's the most popular email you
1:43:13get from just the world the most popular
1:43:16email I get is thank you I knew that
1:43:19this was going on I had absolutely no
1:43:21language to describe it you nailed it
1:43:24that's what I get the most and it's not
1:43:26like you nailed it Sarah while you wrote
1:43:28such a great book but instead I knew
1:43:30that this had to be happening to me you
1:43:32know I knew that I didn't feel the same
1:43:35and and this is it like of course of
1:43:37course it happened I mean I think for a
1:43:39lot of people we have a blind spot with
1:43:41the birth control pill I mean it's like
1:43:44almost everybody goes on it we don't
1:43:46think about the fact that our hormones
1:43:47are an important part of what our brain
1:43:49uses to create the experience of being
1:43:51who we are right and so we're very
1:43:53Cavalier and just giving it to people
1:43:55was like oh well you should go on it for
1:43:57this and oh you've got some acne you
1:43:59should go on it too and oh you're
1:44:01periods sometimes you spot between your
1:44:02periods you should go on the birth
1:44:04control pill it's like we don't think
1:44:05about the fact that when we're making
1:44:07those changes that's changing who women
1:44:09are and um yeah so the most frequent
1:44:13thing that I get is like thank you for
1:44:15making me myself again thank you for
1:44:18helping identify what I knew was going
1:44:21on when I was on it and I didn't have
1:44:23the words to describe
1:44:25it yeah and I I I I say this and I touch
1:44:28on the subject in particular because
1:44:29I've got so many friends who were in a
1:44:31relationship where their partner in
1:44:32their 20s turned around to them and said
1:44:34I'm not interested in sex anymore or
1:44:36just their libido fell off a cliff and
1:44:39they ultimately broke up and they never
1:44:41really had an answer for it they just
1:44:42thought you know that person's broken or
1:44:44that you know women just don't like sex
1:44:47it's funny cuz when my partner turned
1:44:48around to me that night in bed and said
1:44:49to me I remember where I was was in
1:44:51Jamaica this sounds super weird weird I
1:44:53was in Bob Marley's old house oh my gosh
1:44:55I love
1:44:57it that's what they told me it was
1:44:58anyway maybe that was just a sales
1:45:00picture to pay extra for that hotel but
1:45:02they told me I was in Bob Marley's old
1:45:03house and
1:45:05um yeah she turned around to me in bed
1:45:07and she said I'm not interested in sex
1:45:10but loads of women aren't don't aren't
1:45:13interested in sex either I've spoke to
1:45:15my friends they're not interested either
1:45:16and that was like the the pitch of it
1:45:17and I remember thinking as a man
1:45:19obviously you just feel really
1:45:20emasculated by it cuz you're like must
1:45:22be something to do with
1:45:23right um we ended up breaking up she
1:45:27went off for a year and went to Barley
1:45:31did her own thing worked on herself I
1:45:32think around this time is when she
1:45:34stopped the birth control pill started
1:45:36thinking about a lot a lot of other
1:45:38things and when she came back it was
1:45:39just a totally different person like we
1:45:40ended up getting back together just a
1:45:42totally different person like and I say
1:45:44this because I don't want people to give
1:45:46up right when the libido gives up right
1:45:50yeah no I no no I totally know what you
1:45:52mean no and I think that that's I think
1:45:54yes yes yes that she probably has a high
1:45:57sex drive than Mina I'm just trying to
1:45:58keep up at this point yeah no I love it
1:46:01no I love it I think that um especially
1:46:03with the birth control pill it's like
1:46:05there's a tendency um to fear that
1:46:08everything is permanent and like if you
1:46:10go on it that it ruins you and that it's
1:46:12going to break you um and the the
1:46:15research just doesn't quite point in
1:46:16that direction um unless you're a
1:46:18teenager if you go on it as a teen we
1:46:20don't yet know ultimately what that does
1:46:22to brain development long term but if
1:46:24you go on it as an adult and then you
1:46:26discontinue it you can go back to being
1:46:29the person that you were right and um
1:46:32yeah and that can include the recovery
1:46:33of your sexual desire even if you think
1:46:36that it's lost Dr Sarah hill we have a
1:46:40closing tradition on this podcast where
1:46:41the last guest leaves a question for the
1:46:43next guest not knowing who they're going
1:46:44to be leaving it for okay and the
1:46:46question left for you
1:46:50is hm okay
1:46:54what is the Legacy that you want to
1:46:57leave
1:46:58behind I want to make the world a place
1:47:01where women understand themselves and
1:47:03that women are understood as themselves
1:47:06and not as being some sort of a
1:47:08malfunctioning
1:47:10male thank you thank you for all the
1:47:13work you do it's so interesting for me
1:47:15so interesting for me as a as a man um
1:47:17but as men we have mothers we have
1:47:20sisters we have Partners um so helping
1:47:23us understand
1:47:25women in all in every facet of the word
1:47:28understanding their health their
1:47:29reproductive Health their sexual health
1:47:31why they are the way that they are helps
1:47:33us be better Sons better Brothers better
1:47:37husbands better boyfriends in a way that
1:47:40I think is really really important for
1:47:43both of us as Sexes to like get along
1:47:46because otherwise you know before I
1:47:47understood the menstrual cycle and I had
1:47:49conversations about menopause and I've
1:47:50had these conversations with you today
1:47:52it's so so easy to jump to conclusions
1:47:54about the opposite sex when you're a man
1:47:56it's so easy to like misinterpret things
1:47:59and understanding how pertinent hormones
1:48:02are to how we feel and how we behave and
1:48:03our mental health and our libido and all
1:48:05of these things again I think it breeds
1:48:08empathy it breeds empathy and
1:48:10understanding and awareness which um I
1:48:12think will allow us to have the
1:48:14relationships we hope to have with the
1:48:16people that are you know our mothers our
1:48:18sisters and our partners and had I known
1:48:20some of the things that I know now from
1:48:21reading your book but also from learning
1:48:24more broadly about the subject matter of
1:48:26like women's sexual health and Women's
1:48:27Health and women's reproductive Health
1:48:30um a lot of my life would have been
1:48:31different and that's coming from as man
1:48:34right A lot of my life would have been
1:48:35different and someday you know I'm going
1:48:36to have a daughter I hope someday and I
1:48:38think it's also informing me about how
1:48:40to be a better father for my daughter
1:48:41someday which I think is really really
1:48:43important and sometimes I do hope that
1:48:45men click these episodes and I hope they
1:48:47I could probably look at the numbers but
1:48:49I hope they they understand the
1:48:50importance of of of all the subject
1:48:53matter to them
1:48:54because yeah I mean we we live in we
1:48:57inhabit this world together and 50% of
1:48:58our um the inhabitants of this planet
1:49:01are women
1:49:02and and also there's something which I
1:49:06was quite Illuminating in your work
1:49:07which is I think I used to be in the of
1:49:09the opinion that only women had
1:49:12fluctuations in their hormones and
1:49:16feelings and I think I've joked before
1:49:17with my male friends that like we're all
1:49:19just like this me and my friends right
1:49:21whereas our partners are like woo right
1:49:24yeah but I've come to learn that that's
1:49:25also not true no that's also not true no
1:49:27men's hormones change dynamically across
1:49:29the day and they're higher in the
1:49:31morning than they are later on in the
1:49:32afternoon and they change in response to
1:49:34environmental cues so beautiful women
1:49:37you know the wind or loss of your
1:49:39favorite sports team the win or loss
1:49:41your favorite political candidate the
1:49:42presence of a weapon all of these things
1:49:45can change men's testosterone levels and
1:49:47so men's hormones change quite rap like
1:49:49you know rapidly and in ways that are
1:49:52more unpr predictable than women's cuz
1:49:54women's hormones do cycle but they cycle
1:49:57predictably and if you tell me a woman's
1:50:00age and the first day of her last
1:50:02menstrual cycle I can tell you with
1:50:04almost really high degree of certainty
1:50:07what's going on with her primary sex
1:50:08hormones and the same is just not the
1:50:10truth for men so how the pill changes
1:50:13everything or this is your brain on
1:50:15birth control I'll put them both below
1:50:18I'll link them both below the UK and the
1:50:19US version I guess the US version is
1:50:21going to change to the UK title
1:50:23well no it's now now it's called this is
1:50:25your brain on birth control how the pill
1:50:27changes everything
1:50:30okay it's not on here I know that's
1:50:32because we CH they they changed the
1:50:34subtitle when we went to Paperback oh
1:50:37okay I know it's all very confusing I'll
1:50:39link it below anyway so everyone can um
1:50:41have a reading thank you so much for
1:50:42writing such a a preeminent book on this
1:50:44subject because it's so so important and
1:50:46I'm so excited to see the science and
1:50:47the conversation involved on all of
1:50:48these subject matters um where do people
1:50:50find you if they want to ask you
1:50:51questions or send youil emails or learn
1:50:53more yeah well they can find me online
1:50:56at Sarah hill.com and that's Sarah with
1:50:58an H and I am on Instagram is my most
1:51:02active platform and it's Sarah eill
1:51:06PhD um and that's my
1:51:09handle thank you so much Sarah thank you
1:51:14pleasure I'm going to let you into a
1:51:16little bit of a secret and you're
1:51:17probably going to think that I'm a
1:51:18little bit weird for saying this but our
1:51:20team are our team because we absolutely
1:51:23obsess about the smallest things even
1:51:25with this podcast when we're recording
1:51:27this podcast we measure the CO2 levels
1:51:29in the studio because if it gets above a
1:51:30th000 parts per million cognitive
1:51:32performance dips this is the type of 1%
1:51:35Improvement we make on our show and that
1:51:36is why the show is the Way It Is by
1:51:39understanding the power of compounding
1:51:411% you can absolutely change your
1:51:44outcomes in your life it isn't about
1:51:45drastic Transformations or quick wins
1:51:48it's about the small consistent actions
1:51:51that have a last change on your outcomes
1:51:53so 2 years ago we started the process of
1:51:56creating this beautiful diary and it's
1:51:58truly beautiful inside there's lots of
1:51:59pictures lots of inspiration and
1:52:01motivation as well some interactive
1:52:03elements and the purpose of this diary
1:52:05is to help you identify stay focused on
1:52:08develop consistency with the 1% that
1:52:11will ultimately change your life we're
1:52:13only going to do a limited run of these
1:52:14Diaries so if you want one for yourself
1:52:16or for a friend or for a colleague or
1:52:17for your team then head to the diary.com
1:52:20right now I'll link it below oh
1:52:25[Music]

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of Women Health Expert: Birth Control Changes Who You Are & How You Feel About Your Partner! by The Diary Of A CEO, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 21,314 words across 2,997 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

What you can do with it

Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to translate the transcript into 100+ languages.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, translation to 100+ languages, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.