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Women Are Wrong About What Men Really Want | Episode 76 — Transcript

by Brett Cooper · 3,484 words · 510 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00Well, guys, according to X, my husband
0:02probably hates my postpartum body and is
0:04statistically proven to leave me. Happy
0:07Wednesday.
0:11So, there is a raging debate on X right
0:14now about women's postpartum bodies,
0:16what that means for their attractiveness
0:17and their marriages and women wanting to
0:20have children or being too afraid to
0:21have children. And while I think looking
0:23at that debate and reading some of those
0:25comments and posts, it would be very
0:27easy to take the black pill and
0:28doomscroll, I do actually think that our
0:30culture is changing for the better and
0:32we need to talk about it. Before we do
0:33though, make sure that you like this
0:34video and subscribe to my channel if you
0:36have not already and of course ring that
0:38notification bell so that you never miss
0:39an episode of the Red Cooper Show. There
0:41are a lot of different things going
0:42viral on X right now that sort of
0:45circumn
0:47this conversation and this debate.
0:48There's a lot of things floating in this
0:50arena, but there was one post in
0:52particular that made me want to talk
0:53about this. It was a viral tweet from
0:55last week from this girl named Nicole,
0:57and she posted a meme from Gossip Girl
1:00of Leightton Mester. And she said,
1:02"Y'all really want to get married and
1:03have sex with the same person for the
1:05rest of your life." All capital letters,
1:08the audacity, the insanity. And so that
1:10was posted on October 5th, and it has a
1:13whopping 20 million views. 20 million
1:17impressions on X. And obviously I looked
1:20at that and I kind of laughed. I saw it
1:22before it really took off. I think she
1:24was maybe posting it in regards to the
1:26Taylor Swift discourse with her getting
1:27engaged and her new album, all of that
1:29stuff. But Gina Florio, who I adore, she
1:31wrote a great piece about this post in
1:33particular for Eevee magazine where she
1:35laid out the argument for commitment for
1:38marriage. And she titled it, "Is it
1:40boring to sleep with one person for the
1:42rest of your life?" The truth behind
1:44this viral post on X. And in this
1:46article, she basically talked about why
1:48this tweet is so unsurprising in our
1:50current landscape due to the cultural
1:51messages that women have received about
1:53marriage and sex and what it means to be
1:55an empowered woman over the last couple
1:57of decades. And you know, her article
1:59was very spot-on about a lot of things.
2:01She also talked about the dangers of
2:03promiscuous hookup culture and not
2:05having a steady partner. And obviously,
2:08her argument for commitment was
2:10completely spoton. I agreed with
2:11everything. I do want to offer a bit of
2:14a different perspective about our
2:15current culture. I'm not saying that I
2:17have a different perspective about the
2:18messages that have been shoved down
2:19women's throats for the past few
2:20decades, but I do think that something
2:22is changing. And while it would be very
2:24easy to look at a world of Alex Coopers
2:27and Hollywood promiscuity and hookup
2:29culture and just feel impending doom,
2:31like there is no light at the end of the
2:33tunnel. I promise you, it does feel like
2:36things are starting to change. Now, I
2:38actually touched on this a little bit
2:39last week when we were talking about
2:40Taylor Swift's new album and the social
2:42media response to that. We talked about
2:44her getting engaged and writing songs
2:46about wanting to be married and wanting
2:47to have kids and wanting to live a
2:48suburban life with a basketball court in
2:50the front yard and have a bunch of baby
2:52Travis Kelsey's running around the
2:53neighborhood. We talked about the myriad
2:56of other pop stars that are getting
2:57married like Charlie XCX, Dual Lia,
3:00Selena Gomez, and of course, Taylor
3:01Swift. These are extremely extremely
3:04attractive women at the top of their
3:06game with huge currency in the sexual
3:09marketplace and they are choosing to
3:11very publicly commit themselves to one
3:14man not just in a long-term relationship
3:16but saying no I am very publicly getting
3:18engaged very publicly saying that I'm so
3:20excited to be married writing songs
3:22about it after they have been pining for
3:25this kind of relationship for a majority
3:27of their careers now another example of
3:30how things are changing are the fact
3:31that Shows like Sex in the City and
3:34Girls that were almost grotesque in
3:36their portrayal of casual sex and
3:38dysfunctional unhealthy romantic
3:39relationships have majorly declined in
3:42popularity. Like I was doing some
3:43research this morning. I do not know of
3:46another show right now that is currently
3:49airing that is very popular that
3:51resembles either of those two shows in
3:53the slightest. Whereas women today are
3:55watching shows like Nobody Wants This,
3:57which is about fighting for love,
3:58fighting for a committed relationship
4:00across cultural and religious lines. Or
4:03probably the best example or shows like
4:05The Summer I Turn Pretty, which is a
4:07sweet, gushy, YA TV show. And these
4:11adult women are watching the show.
4:13They're waiting with baited breath to
4:14figure out how a youthful teenage love
4:17triangle turns out. Literally grasping
4:20at Netflix being like, "Where is the
4:22next episode?" But I'm I'm like waiting
4:23to figure out what what is the girl? I
4:25even watched it. Bunny is her name.
4:26Something like that. Benny Belly, I
4:28think is the girl's name. But adult
4:31women are captivated by this very
4:34romantic show. L even wrote about this
4:36phenomenon recently. And the article
4:38reads why almost every woman you know is
4:40obsessed with the summer I turned
4:42pretty. And the reasons probably won't
4:44surprise you. Because they are natural.
4:46Because they are normal. Because they
4:47are almost biological in nature.
4:50shouldn't say almost biological, they
4:51are biological in nature. But the
4:53article reads, quote, "The summer I turn
4:55pretty is especially appealing to Gen X
4:57millennials and Gen Z because it is
4:59tender, layered, and psychologically
5:00rich," says a therapist who specializes
5:02in relationships and attachment. Quote,
5:04"It blends nostalgia, emotional
5:06intensity, and romantic fantasy in a way
5:09that taps into our earliest
5:10understandings of love and longing in a
5:12world that often feels overwhelmingly
5:14real." Deborah Robbins, who's the
5:15therapist, adds that The Summer I Turn
5:17Pretty offers more than just escapism.
5:19quote, "Even if we've outgrown fairy
5:21tales, most of us are still carrying
5:23around that little voice wondering, what
5:25if it could still end happily ever
5:27after?" That blend of fantasy and
5:29familiarity is exactly what makes the
5:31show resonate so deeply with women who
5:32came of age in the early 2000s. The
5:34music choices, the storyline are so
5:36reminiscent of summer back then. The
5:38summer I turned pretty is more than a
5:40teen drama. It is a time machine, a
5:42soft, glittering portal to the versions
5:43of ourselves that we used to be and
5:45maybe still are. I mean, can you imagine
5:48how shocking this is? Is Is this a
5:50surprise to anyone that women still
5:52dream of happily ever after and love?
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7:44Okay, now back to the point. Another
7:46example that I just want to layer on top
7:47of this is that after a major slump in
7:50the 2000s and 2010s, again, when Sex in
7:52the City and Girls, those types of
7:54shows, the girl boss, the lean-in
7:56empowerment was, you know, skyrocketing
7:58in our culture. romcoms after a huge
8:00slump, they are now making a return over
8:02the last couple of years. Netflix is
8:03leading the charge in that. But this is
8:05the type of content that adult women are
8:08consuming. And yes, we can laugh and
8:10say, okay, well, that's just Hollywood.
8:11That's just media. But that is
8:12indicative of a changing culture. The
8:15types of things that we consume that are
8:18influencing our decisions, our values,
8:20our attitudes. It is important to
8:22dissect that and try to understand what
8:24that means. And you see all of this in
8:26the comment section of that initial
8:28viral post that I read to you guys. I
8:30actually did not see a single person
8:33after 20 million impressions echoing or
8:36supporting what that girl said. In fact,
8:38most of them were actually just making
8:39fun of her. One comment read, "Why would
8:42I want to have sex with different
8:43people? That's effing gross." Another
8:45person basically used her same meme
8:47format and said, "Y'all really want to
8:49avoid committing yourself to one person
8:50to instead have sex with dozens of
8:52strangers till you're like 40 and then
8:53be all alone and miserable for the rest
8:55of your life? Yeah. Ew, that's gross.
8:57You might think settling down and being
8:59in love and having somebody commit to
9:00you is disgusting, but I would make the
9:02same gossip girl laten me face at you
9:05hooking up with random people until you
9:07are old and they move on to people who
9:08are younger." Like, sorry, that
9:10genuinely is gross. That is genuinely
9:12how I feel. Another commenter said,
9:14"Yeah, it's called happiness. Lmao, you
9:16should try it sometime." Somebody else
9:18commented and said, "Y'all really want
9:20to have sex with a bunch of randomemers
9:22who also sleep around, who care nothing
9:23for you, who won't lift a finger to help
9:25you if you get sick, pregnant, or need
9:27companionship, and who will no longer be
9:29there for you when you're older." Again,
9:32that is like an insane thing to think
9:33of. That is how backwards our society
9:36has or had become. And that comment
9:39right there brings us to a completely
9:41different conversation that is currently
9:42happening on X. And that is the one
9:44about postpartum women. Because remember
9:46that commenter just said somebody who
9:48will not lift a finger if you get sick,
9:50pregnant, or need companionship in
9:52sickness or in health. Now that debate
9:54that is happening on X right now is
9:56about whether women are actually
9:58attractive postpartum, if that means
9:59that their husbands will cheat on them
10:01and leave them postpartum, and how this
10:03makes childless women think about having
10:05kids. Because a lot of women, you know,
10:06are not interested in having children.
10:08And a big reason why is because they do
10:10not want their bodies to change. They
10:11don't want their romantic relationships
10:13to change. And obviously, this is a
10:15really pleasant debate for me to hear
10:17when I am 6 weeks postpartum. But it's
10:19okay. I feel good. I feel confident
10:21we're just going to ignore this. Just
10:23kidding. We actually do need to talk
10:24about this. Um, now this whole debate
10:27started with these two posts. Uh, this
10:29woman said, "I've had multiple women in
10:31New York City tell me that they don't
10:32want to get pregnant because they're
10:33afraid of what it will do to their
10:35body." and RFH doctor said that is
10:38because men are disgusted by postpartum
10:40bodies. And that quote tweet now has
10:42millions and millions of impressions and
10:44thousands of comments. Now,
10:45interestingly, when I was going through
10:47the quote tweets of this post, when I
10:48was scrolling through the comment
10:49section, as I do, it was the women who
10:52were agreeing with this. They were
10:53crapping on men and they were also
10:55saying that they were the ones who found
10:57postpartum bodies scary or unattractive.
11:00And it was the men that were denying it.
11:02Now, for a lot of you, this probably is
11:04not shocking in the slightest,
11:05especially if you are a woman, if you
11:07have been around groups of women, if you
11:09understand gender relations, how women
11:11treat themselves or others. Because
11:13women are our own harshest critics. That
11:16is something I have actually talked
11:17about a lot because many feminists like
11:20to point the finger at men and say,
11:21"You've done this to me. You made me
11:23have to be skinny. You did all of this."
11:25When actually, it's other women. Women
11:28are the ones who pressure other women to
11:30go get plastic surgery, who make them
11:31feel insecure, who say that you need to
11:33be skinny or look a certain way. Nine
11:35times out of 10, it is women who are
11:37doing that and not men. And that was
11:38very much on display in this comment
11:40section because just listen to some of
11:41this. This is all from men. This guy
11:43said, "As a man with three kids, this is
11:45nonsensical rage bait." Another one
11:47said, "No, we're not. Lol. Who told you
11:49that? Somebody with purple hair." And
11:51then I love this one because this guy
11:52said, "If the male opinion on female
11:54beauty mattered this much in women's
11:56life choices, buckle fat removal would
11:58be a crime and true. I am very much in
12:01support of that." Another one said,
12:02"Extremely urbanite feminist take and
12:04false." And then this guy said, "Not
12:06when it is the mother of our children."
12:08And right there is the key point. That
12:10should be the end of this entire debate.
12:12And I hope that the women who are still
12:14afraid of what motherhood means for
12:16their attractiveness or their love lives
12:17or just their bodies, I hope that you
12:19hear this because obviously having
12:22children changes your body. It is one of
12:24the many sacrifices that women make when
12:26they choose to have a baby. Now, does
12:27that mean that you are automatically
12:29unattractive forever? No. That is
12:31ridiculous. I mean, there was a whole
12:33other viral post just two weeks ago. I'm
12:35telling you, there has been a lot
12:37orbiting about postpartum attractiveness
12:38right now. Uh, but there was another
12:40viral post where Benny Johnson's wife
12:42posted about loving her postpartum body,
12:44about how she's worked so hard to get
12:46back in shape. She feels great. And she
12:48was saying that, you know, having kids
12:49does not have to destroy you. She said,
12:51"I'm 36 weeks postpartum. I've had four
12:53babies in four years. Don't believe the
12:55lies that having kids destroys you." And
12:57this caused a whole other debate on the
12:59same subject. But she's absolutely
13:01correct. And while our culture today
13:03seems to want to reject exceptionalism
13:05and health in favor of relatability and
13:08enablement, especially when it comes to
13:09content, especially when it comes to
13:11women, seeing these types of stories is
13:13a net positive thing. And seeing the
13:16type of posts for many women should be
13:17empowering and hopeful for you. But
13:20regardless of how quickly you get back
13:22on the horse postpartum or feel like
13:24yourself or feel attractive again, I
13:27certainly am like trying to find my
13:29normal equilibrium. I don't feel like
13:30myself 6 weeks postpartum. But
13:32regardless, your body still might
13:34change. You might not look like Benny
13:37Johnson's wife. But does that mean that
13:39your husband will stop loving you or
13:40finding you attractive? I mean, we would
13:42hope not. And he is an if so.
13:45And again, this all goes back to the
13:46same conversation we were having at the
13:48top of the episode about commitment and
13:50why that is so important for pregnancy
13:52and motherhood and raising children.
13:54Now, something that pro-choicers like to
13:56say all the time is that consent to sex
13:58is not consent to pregnancy, which is
14:00completely false. It is a completely
14:02distorted view of reality. It's just
14:04completely ridiculous because when you
14:06have sex, no matter how careful you are
14:08being, no matter what birth control
14:10forms you are using, you are opening the
14:13door for pregnancy. And so as a woman, I
14:16mean both men and women, but especially
14:18as a woman, you better be damn sure
14:20about the man that you are sleeping with
14:22because is this a man who will take care
14:24of you and find you beautiful when you
14:26are 9 months pregnant? When you are 42
14:28weeks pregnant and you are dressing like
14:31Adam Sandler every day? Is this a man
14:33who will find you beautiful and uplift
14:34you? When you are crying because it is
14:364:00 a.m. and the baby will not sleep
14:38and the baby is crying and things are
14:40coming out of you and you feel like your
14:42body is still split open from giving
14:44birth. That is what you should be
14:47thinking about. That is what you should
14:48be searching for. Not some fleeting
14:50pleasure with a different guy every
14:51single night that you do not know and
14:53you do not trust. And again, I'm not
14:55trying to black pill here and say that
14:57all women are in search of that because
14:59based on earlier comments, it does seem
15:01like attitudes are shifting and that is
15:03a very, very good thing. And I also
15:05think that this whole conversation about
15:07postpartum beauty and husbands finding
15:09their wives attractive hinges on a very
15:11specific kind of beauty, like being
15:14supermodel hot, being back to the same
15:16weight that you were when you were 18
15:17years old when you met your husband,
15:19like never aging. None of that is
15:22realistic. And it's also not realistic
15:23for him because men's bodies also
15:25change. They age. They might get a dad
15:27bod and guess what? You will probably
15:29still love him regardless. All bodies
15:32change. Whether that is through giving
15:33birth, aging, injuries, illness, stress,
15:36etc. We can only hope that we did our
15:39best to marry somebody who will love us
15:41and find us attractive and fight for us
15:43and encourage us, encourage us to be
15:45healthy above all throughout all of
15:47that. And based on the comments that I
15:49have been seeing from men on X, it does
15:51seem like there are a lot of great ones
15:53out there. So, this should be permission
15:54and encouragement to go out there and
15:56find a great partner who will love you
15:58and support you in whatever stage of
16:01life you're in, whatever body you are
16:02currently in. That is the beauty of
16:05commitment. that somebody will stand by
16:07you when you don't feel your best, when
16:08you probably don't look your best, but
16:10will encourage you to get better, who
16:12will be there when you do feel your
16:13best, when you feel your most
16:15attractive, and you will be able to
16:16share that together. And you should not
16:18let the fear of whatifs and the Tik Tok
16:20fear-mongering, the girl with the list
16:22who tells them in all the reasons why
16:24they shouldn't have children. You should
16:25not let that stop you from wanting
16:27children because of your attachment to
16:29your current body. Because guys, it's
16:31going to change regardless. Like, that's
16:32just kind of how life works. We just
16:34have to get on board and try to take
16:36care of it and find a good partner who
16:38will love you through all of it.

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