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why you want to do everything so you do nothing, and how to fix it — Transcript

by Isabel Radford · 3,354 words · 474 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00We're going to start this video with a
0:01little story. There's this girl, let's
0:03call her Lola. Now, Lola wants to do
0:05many things. You might even say she
0:07wants to do everything. She wants to be
0:09a writer, but she also wants to be a
0:11teacher. And why not a Pilates
0:13instructor, a human rights lawyer, and a
0:15filmmaker. She wants to be fluent in
0:17French because she's always wanted to
0:19live in Paris. But then again, she would
0:21love to live in a skyscraper in New
0:22York. Lola sits down to read a book, but
0:24before she's finished a couple of pages,
0:26she's distracted by Pinterest and she's
0:28pinning pictures of Devon Lee Carson
0:30onto her dream life board. She ends the
0:32day feeling like she's not really done
0:33anything. And instead of choosing
0:35something and making a commitment, she's
0:37just scrolled on her phone for hours.
0:39And the cycle begins again. Lola isn't
0:41lazy, she's indecisive. There's this
0:43strange mix of intense ambition and
0:46total paralysis. In fact, it seems she's
0:49exhausted by all of these potentials. So
0:51many directions to explore and so many
0:53Lola's she could be. If you've clicked
0:55this video, you probably recognize Lola
0:56in yourself. But not to fear, because
0:58today we are going to go through the
1:00psychological trap of wanting everything
1:03but doing nothing. Why it paralyzes you,
1:05and the simple but tough love truth that
1:07you need to hear to finally start
1:09moving. Hi everyone, it's Isabelle.
1:11Welcome back to my channel. This year
1:12was the year that I decided to not let
1:15this curse, it is a curse, to not let
1:17this curse control me. Having been Lola
1:20before, having worked through it and now
1:22got on the other side of the mountain, I
1:24want to share my understanding and my
1:26experience of this trap and how to break
1:28free of it. This video will be broken
1:30down into four chapters. Chapter one,
1:32the anatomy of the trap. Chapter two,
1:33the disguises of doing nothing. Chapter
1:35three, how to break the paralysis and
1:38frameworks to use. And chapter four,
1:40your next steps and words of
1:41encouragement to get started. Chapter
1:43one, the anatomy of the trap. I could
1:45not talk about this topic without
1:48talking about the fig tree analogy. Now,
1:50I know loads of you have already heard
1:52about this before. I've spoken about it
1:53before and lots of people on the
1:55internet have spoken about it. I'm not
1:56going to go too in depth, but for those
1:58who have never heard about it, the fig
2:00tree analogy was something that Sylvia
2:02Plath, the author, wrote about in The
2:04Bell Jar. It's this very famous metaphor
2:06where she describes someone sitting
2:08under a fig tree and looking up at all
2:11of the figs on the tree. And each fig
2:13represents a different life path that
2:15she could take. So, one could represent
2:17becoming a teacher, one could represent
2:19being a lawyer, one could represent
2:21having a family and being a mom, the
2:23other is traveling the world and never
2:25settling down. Now, in the passage, all
2:26these choices, all these different figs,
2:28is making the woman very paralyzed and
2:31she is unable to pick one because she
2:33knows that when she picks one, she loses
2:35all the rest. She's sitting there under
2:37this fig tree stuck, spending so much
2:39time trying to decide until the point
2:41where the figs are actually rotting and
2:44fall to the ground, meaning that she's
2:45not able to pick any of them. This is
2:47such a great analogy of what it means to
2:50not make a choice because doing nothing
2:52is a choice and that is the first thing
2:53that you've got to come to understand
2:55and be aware of. By not making a choice,
2:58you're choosing to let all your options
3:00rot, to not choose any of them. Maybe
3:02you're sitting here watching this video
3:03right now, looking at your life and
3:04thinking, "Where even am I? I'm neither
3:06here nor there. I've never actually
3:08pursued any of the things that I wanted
3:10to pursue and I'm kind of just letting
3:12time go by and letting my dream float
3:14out of my grasp." Just as the fig trees
3:16are rotting, you are rotting in your bed
3:18scrolling, not taking action and not
3:21actually going down any of those paths
3:23to figure out what you actually want. We
3:25now live in a modern world where we have
3:27access to so many options, more than we
3:30ever have been before. That comes with
3:32all sorts of pros and benefits where we
3:34know and are aware of how so many
3:37different people live, all the different
3:39lives that we could choose to live
3:40ourselves. We have the most freedom and
3:42access to resources and knowledge than
3:45we ever have before. In the past, your
3:47path was mostly chosen for you. It was
3:49mostly determined by your circumstances,
3:52by the people you grew up with, the area
3:54that you grew up in. There was no way of
3:56knowing how people were living in other
3:58countries. Maybe you'd read about it in
4:00books, but most people weren't
4:02experiencing that. They were just
4:03experiencing their small world and their
4:05small circle. And now we live in a time
4:07where we can actually make those choices
4:09and we have those freedom to choose. The
4:10psychological twist of all of this is
4:12that you would think that all this
4:14freedom would make us feel liberated.
4:16But clearly because this turn of phrase
4:17exists and a lot of people resonate with
4:19this, they actually feel paralyzed by
4:21the choices. Because not only does
4:23choosing a path mean saying no to the
4:26others and getting a severe FOMO about
4:29all the different people and potential
4:30that you could possibly be. If we make
4:32the wrong choice, we have only ourselves
4:35to blame. This fear of making the wrong
4:37choice or making a choice and closing
4:39off a better choice without even knowing
4:41puts us in this perfection paralysis. We
4:44so desperately want to make the right
4:46choice. We will feel so annoyed at
4:48ourselves, so frustrated if we don't get
4:50it right. This is when we lean into
4:52productive procrastination, which is
4:54something I'm very familiar with. A bit
4:57like the story at the beginning with
4:58Lola who can't make a single decision,
5:00so she ends up just scrolling on
5:01Pinterest, watching loads of videos and
5:04tutorials about how to do something
5:06without actually going and doing it.
5:07Think that you're making progress
5:09because you're learning a lot and your
5:11knowledge is getting better, but the
5:12progress in the position that you're in
5:14doesn't move. This was something I was
5:15doing for years. I would watch videos
5:18about how to master YouTube how to be a
5:20content creator, about how to make
5:22videos and show up and find the
5:23confidence and not feel the fear of
5:26being seen or feel the fear of failure.
5:28I was watching all this different
5:29content about how to better myself, how
5:31to live this dream life that I was
5:33imagining. Was I actually doing anything
5:36to progress and move forward? No. Okay,
5:38chapter two, the disguises of doing
5:40nothing. I wanted to quickly break down
5:42different personalities and archetypes
5:45of people that are probably going to
5:47find themselves in this situation and
5:49relate to this concept. I honestly think
5:51that I have been all these different
5:52people at different times in my life,
5:54and I'm sure you might relate to more
5:56than just one. But, I think having an
5:58archetype and an understanding of why
6:00you are the way you are helps to break
6:01down this fear and to move on from it.
6:04Number one, the perfectionist. They
6:06won't start until they can do it
6:08properly. They want to go from zero to
6:11100. They've never made a film, but they
6:13want to be Martin Scorsese. And because
6:15we put so much pressure on what this
6:17perfect thing needs to be, it is so much
6:19easier to just never touch it and let it
6:21sit there on the bookshelf collecting
6:23dust, because then it can never be bad.
6:26For perfectionists, the biggest thing
6:27that holds us back is the beginner
6:29discomfort that feels like failure.
6:31Learning something, making mistakes,
6:33being a student again, and accepting
6:35that things won't be good at the start.
6:37They'll be messy, they won't be as you
6:39imagined. Second archetype who wants to
6:41do everything but does nothing is the
6:43potentialist. The potentialist is hooked
6:46on the idea that there are so many
6:48choices and people that they could be.
6:50That feels so much more juicier than
6:52actually just choosing one, because real
6:54progress comes with real limits. We're
6:56wasting time living in these dreams of
6:59what these potential lives could look
7:01like, and almost glamorizing all these
7:03different lives. Every path that you
7:04choose, no matter which one you choose,
7:06there are going to be setbacks, there
7:08are going to be limits, challenges, and
7:10sacrifices that you have to make with
7:12every single one. But, when we think
7:14about these worlds, we don't think about
7:15all those setbacks, we just think about
7:17all the good parts. We really see all
7:18these potentials through rose-tinted
7:20glasses. The third archetype is the
7:22overthinker or the strategist. These are
7:25the people who are researching,
7:28planning. These are the productive
7:30procrastinators who make getting
7:31prepared feel like work, feeling like
7:34progress, and gives you a small taste of
7:36that identity without actually having to
7:38fulfill the task. And that makes you
7:39feel good. I mean, I know when I watch
7:42YouTube videos of people that I'm
7:43inspired by, I feel so productive when I
7:47watch a productive video because I'm
7:48like, "Wow, I actually did something,
7:50too." When I actually just sat there
7:52watching someone else study or watching
7:54someone else work. There's absolutely
7:55nothing wrong with that if it's
7:56inspiring you to change your life, but
7:58just watching them and not taking any
8:00action in your own life is not doing
8:02anything. The fourth and final
8:04archetype, which I think is something
8:06that is less thought about and less
8:08understood, is the comfortable one, the
8:11comfortable life. This is something I
8:13think a lot of people relate to, but
8:15they never know how to find the words
8:17for it because it makes you sound
8:18ungrateful for the life you have, which
8:20it's not. That's not what it is.
8:22But you feel guilty and shameful for
8:25wanting more from a life that is already
8:27good. So, the comfortable one is the
8:28person who is living a life that is
8:30fine, that is good, that a lot of people
8:32might even want themselves. But for some
8:34reason, something isn't quite clicking.
8:36They might not have found their purpose
8:38or their values aren't being honored in
8:40the work that they're doing. But because
8:42their life is comfortable, there's no
8:44push to go and explore the uncertainty
8:46of more. Comfort is the quiet one where
8:48nothing is wrong enough to make you
8:50move, but it's not what you dream of at
8:53night. The reason why the comfortable
8:54one doesn't make a start is because the
8:57certainty of their life now is so much
9:00easier than the uncertainty of the
9:02unknown. It's a bit of a go with the
9:04devil that you know rather than the
9:06devil that you don't, but the devil that
9:07you know is never going to get you where
9:09you want to be. Okay, so now we've run
9:11through the archetypes. I want to go
9:12through a couple of reasons why doing
9:14nothing feels like the best choice in
9:17the moment. These are the two things
9:19that all of these archetypes go through.
9:22Number one is the fear of failure or
9:25sometimes even the fear of success. Your
9:27ego, your brain is always going to want
9:29to stay protected. It's always going to
9:31choose the safe route. Doing nothing for
9:33all these archetypes is a defense
9:34mechanism. Your brain is always going to
9:36prefer the safe comfort over the
9:38unfulfilled potential because a
9:40vulnerability is needed for trying and
9:42failing that the brain just does not
9:44like. The second reason why all these
9:46archetypes are stuck is because of the
9:48dopamine overload. Our brains love a
9:50little cheat. So, when we explain to our
9:53friends that we're going to do this,
9:54that, and the other, our brain releases
9:56dopamine just talking about it. It's the
9:58same when you're saving pictures on
9:59Pinterest or you're watching videos
10:01teaching you how to do the thing. You
10:03get the reward of the achievement
10:05without doing any of the heavy lifting.
10:07So, you are addicted to the idea of what
10:09you could be. Okay, so, chapter three,
10:12the framework to break the paralysis.
10:14This is why we're all here. How can we
10:16get out of wanting to do everything but
10:19doing nothing? I've thought long and
10:21hard about what advice I can give to
10:23someone who is stuck in this stage and
10:26there are different things specific to
10:28different people. So, take what you need
10:30and take what resonates with you and
10:31your personality. The first one being
10:33the one thing rule and the seasons of
10:35life. Lots of people, more than you
10:37think, change careers, change their life
10:40choices, change their decisions. It's
10:42very normal, it's very much part of the
10:43human experience, making choices and
10:45then realizing, "Okay, now I want to
10:47change and do something else." By taking
10:49this idea of seasons of life means that
10:51you make a choice and go down a path and
10:54you actually get clarity by going down a
10:56path and taking action. So, instead of
10:58closing a door, you're just putting a
11:00pin in it. You're designating it for
11:02later in life. For example, with me
11:03right now, I want to pursue content, but
11:06I don't see myself being 50 and pursuing
11:08content still. I don't know how my life
11:10will turn out and that is scary, of
11:11course it is. I don't know what is in
11:14the unknown, but I know that I'm happy
11:15now, that I feel a purpose, that I feel
11:17fulfilled, and that by choosing this
11:19path, I am opening new doors, new
11:22opportunities to other things that I
11:23might not even know existed had I not
11:25walked down it. I don't think when I've
11:27got to 50, had kids, and stopped making
11:29content that I'm going to regret sitting
11:32here making content right now, but I
11:34would regret not ever chasing this dream
11:36and trying and seeing where it goes.
11:39Take the seasons of life approach,
11:41choose one path, and that does not mean
11:44that those other paths aren't open for
11:46you at other times in your life. You
11:47can't be a master in everything and have
11:49proof in nothing. And to have proof, you
11:51need to commit. You need to commit to
11:53projects. You need to commit to
11:54finishing things to show that you can do
11:56it. Another thing is the 2-minute rule
11:59or micro actions that you can do to get
12:01started. A lot of people don't get
12:03started because the hurdle is too big.
12:06Scaling down the task is where the magic
12:08happens. You don't need to commit to 2
12:10hours of reading. You can literally just
12:13read two pages. At least you've moved.
12:16At least you've moved forward and made
12:18some progress. Even though it's a tiny
12:21bit, you've done better than where you
12:23were at the beginning of the day. And
12:24that momentum creates this loop, this
12:26positive feedback loop, where you're
12:28thinking, "Oh, okay. Like I've made
12:29progress. I'm moving forward. I'm in a
12:31new position than I was yesterday, last
12:34week. I can see tangible progress." Also
12:36wanted to talk about ADHD neurodivergent
12:40specific tips and tools. Because if you
12:43have ADHD, I understand that it is very
12:46hard to get started on tasks. Sometimes
12:48when you're in a task, you're very
12:50obsessive about it and you're very
12:51excited about it, but action getting
12:53started and finding that momentum is
12:54really hard. So, what I do is I make a
12:56to-do list for the week. I know every
12:59week I'm going to post four to five
13:02Instagram Tik Tok videos. I'm going to
13:04post a Substack, and I'm going to post a
13:05YouTube video. That is like the core of
13:07what I need to get done. Whether or not
13:10I do that on the Monday or on the
13:12Saturday is not anyone's business.
13:14That's fine. That is fine because I'm
13:16still ticking off the task that needs to
13:18be done this week. I know it's going to
13:20go out on Sunday, and honestly, that
13:22kind of time crunch helps me to get work
13:24done. At the moment what's working for
13:26me is I get most of my work done from
13:284:00 to 8:00 and that's just how it is.
13:30As long as I hit those targets, it's
13:31really no one's business when I'm doing
13:33it. Another thing on a similar vein is
13:35you might want to use the Eisenhower
13:36matrix. Now, this is simply drawing
13:40across like this on a piece of paper and
13:42writing urgent and not urgent and
13:44important and not important and putting
13:47all your tasks in these four boxes. What
13:49this helps you to do is to see, okay,
13:52what is on a deadline and needs to be
13:54done. Finally, chapter four, the next
13:57steps. The biggest takeaway I want you
13:58to have from this video is that clarity
14:00comes from action. You can only figure
14:03out what path is for you by walking down
14:06it. Walking down a path is how you
14:08realize whether or not it's for you and
14:09what path you can take next. An
14:11imperfect, messy, flawed action will
14:14always beat a perfect fantasy.
14:18Remember that. And I want to say this
14:19specifically to all my perfectionists
14:21out there that building your self-worth
14:23around things that are not to do with
14:26your outputs or your achievements is
14:28incredibly important with building
14:29self-worth and getting over this hurdle
14:32of things not being exactly as you
14:34planned. Have practices that you follow
14:36that help you with this. So, I love
14:38these affirmation cards that my friend
14:40got me. They are so cute. They're like
14:41little frogs and I look at them every
14:44other day whenever I feel like I need
14:46it. Just a message that I can say to
14:47myself to remind me that I'm doing okay,
14:49that I'm proud of myself, that even if
14:51things aren't executed exactly how I
14:53want them to be, they are still done.
14:55I'm still I'm still making progress. I'm
14:57also spending this month doing morning
14:59pages, which I'm really enjoying. It
15:01really helps to clear my mind. I have
15:03this relief and release when I write
15:05things down on paper and it's this
15:06little morning ritual that I have that
15:08makes me feel like I've achieved
15:09something in the day that is nothing to
15:11do with output. It's literally just my
15:13messy thoughts on a page and I can tick
15:14that off every day. My final reminder
15:16for the day is you can either choose to
15:18feel restless and anxious because you're
15:20not making any progress. And that will
15:23ultimately end in self-destruction in
15:26some way. Or you can make a start and
15:29you can feel so frustrated at what
15:31you're producing because it's nothing
15:32like how you want it to be.
15:34But there is hope. That's it for today.
15:37Thank you so much for watching. I hope
15:38you enjoyed and if you want in the
15:40comments, I would love if you can type
15:43out one thing one single thing that
15:45you're going to focus on for the next 7
15:47days. Just choosing one thing that
15:49you're going to commit to. Write it out
15:51in the comments below and hold yourself
15:53accountable and we can all be there for
15:54each other in this community helping
15:57each other get started and get going on
15:59our dreams. Thank you so much for
16:00watching and I'll see you next week.
16:02Bye.

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