Why you want everything and do nothing — Transcript

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1. 0:00I want to do everything,
2. 0:02so
3. 0:03I do nothing.
4. 0:05It's a simple line
5. 0:07that describes a feeling almost every
6. 0:09single one of us has been through.
7. 0:12Desire.
8. 0:14Not the lack of it, but the crushing
9. 0:16weight
10. 0:17of too much.
11. 0:24When we were kids, the number one
12. 0:25question that we were asked was,
13. 0:28"What do you want to be when you grow
14. 0:30up?"
15. 0:30I remember when I was younger, I wasn't
16. 0:32sure how to answer this question.
17. 0:34>> [music]
18. 0:34>> On one hand, I wanted to be an
19. 0:36astronaut, go to the moon. Some days I
20. 0:38wanted to be a detective, some days a
21. 0:40writer, maybe [music] an engineer or a
22. 0:42movie director. Now as I'm sitting here
23. 0:44writing this, I've just graduated
24. 0:46university [music] and I'm faced with a
25. 0:48similar question.
26. 0:50What is my purpose in life?
27. 0:52>> [snorts]
28. 0:52>> And if [music] you're anything like me,
29. 0:54you fear answering this because choosing
30. 0:56one path means letting every other
31. 0:58version of your life
32. 1:00die.
33. 1:01So maybe that's why so many of us
34. 1:03struggle with purpose. We think it's
35. 1:05something that [music] finds us,
36. 1:07but that's a lie.
37. 1:11And to understand [music] why,
38. 1:13we must first go back to a fig tree. In
39. 1:17a 1963 novel by one of the most famous
40. 1:19writers [music]
41. 1:20of all time,
42. 1:22Sylvia Plath.
43. 1:23And of course, [music] I'm talking about
44. 1:25her novel The Bell Jar. It's about a
45. 1:27young college student named Esther
46. 1:29Greenwood who wins a guest editor
47. 1:30position at a magazine in New York City.
48. 1:33The novel partly mirrors Sylvia's own
49. 1:35life [music] acting as sort of an
50. 1:37autobiography. There's a specific part
51. 1:39in the book that perfectly represents
52. 1:41[music] what so many of us are feeling
53. 1:43today.
54. 1:44In the book, the protagonist [music] is
55. 1:47sitting at a fig tree starving.
56. 1:49Each fig on the tree represents a
57. 1:51different life she could live.
58. 1:53One fig was [music] a husband and a
59. 1:55happy home and children. Another fig was
60. 1:58a famous poet and another a brilliant
61. 2:00professor or maybe the editor.
62. 2:03But she never [music] chooses.
63. 2:05So instead she watches as all of them
64. 2:07begin to rot and fall.
65. 2:09I saw myself sitting at the crotch
66. 2:11[music] of this fig tree starving to
67. 2:13death just because I couldn't make up my
68. 2:15mind which of the figs I would choose.
69. 2:23We live in a time where possibilities
70. 2:25are endless.
71. 2:26In a world that tells us we can be
72. 2:28anything.
73. 2:29>> Don't ever let somebody tell you
74. 2:31you can't do something.
75. 2:32>> That you should strive to be as
76. 2:34ambitious as possible.
77. 2:35>> Cuz I want to be great.
78. 2:37>> What people don't talk about is how
79. 2:39[music] that same ambition often
80. 2:42and
81. 2:43paralyzes you.
82. 2:45For me, I'm at a strange point in my
83. 2:47life where I'm still trying to figure
84. 2:48things out. I've been told I should be
85. 2:50looking for a stable job.
86. 2:52Maybe focus on my career. But on the
87. 2:55other hand, I've always wanted to work
88. 2:57for myself.
89. 2:58I love making these videos. So maybe I
90. 3:00should go all in on that. But still, I'd
91. 3:03love to travel the world. Maybe move to
92. 3:05a different city and start fresh.
93. 3:08There are endless possibilities
94. 3:09constantly on my mind and I don't know
95. 3:12what to choose. And there's actually a
96. 3:14psychological explanation for this.
97. 3:16Psychologist Barry Schwartz [music]
98. 3:18found that more options don't produce
99. 3:20more freedom.
100. 3:21They produce more anxiety because every
101. 3:23path you don't take registers [music] in
102. 3:26the brain as a loss, not a trade-off.
103. 3:29So the more [music] figs you can see,
104. 3:31the more you feel like
105. 3:34you're already
106. 3:35losing.
107. 3:37So,
108. 3:38how do you actually make that choice
109. 3:40when choosing feels like losing
110. 3:43everything?
111. 3:44But before you can choose a fig,
112. 3:46>> [music]
113. 3:46>> you must understand exactly what the fig
114. 3:48tree
115. 3:49is is about. Because most people will
116. 3:52read this story and assume [music] it's
117. 3:54just about indecision.
118. 3:56But the fig tree is about
119. 3:59grief.
120. 4:01Mourning the lives that we'll never get
121. 4:03to live.
122. 4:04And that feeling never goes away.
123. 4:07That's the scary [music] part. We think
124. 4:08that once we choose one fig, the others
125. 4:11begin to fall, but
126. 4:12>> [music]
127. 4:13>> they'll always be there.
128. 4:14You'll always think about them.
129. 4:16About the different lives you could have
130. 4:17lived.
131. 4:19And you'll [music] live with that grief
132. 4:21forever.
133. 4:22But not choosing at all, that's a cost
134. 4:25worse than grief. Because what happened
135. 4:27to Esther wasn't that she made the wrong
136. 4:29choice. [music]
137. 4:30She lost all the figs because she made
138. 4:33no choice at all.
139. 4:35Choosing nothing
140. 4:37is still a choice, [music]
141. 4:38and it's the only one that guarantees
142. 4:40every other fig rots.
143. 4:43And these figs have an expiration
144. 4:44[music] date. So does the window of time
145. 4:46where certain versions of your life are
146. 4:48still possible.
147. 4:50So every time you scroll,
148. 4:52every time you delay, every time you
149. 4:54overthink, [music]
150. 4:56the figs
151. 4:58begin to shrivel.
152. 5:00In an attempt [music] to balance all
153. 5:01your options,
154. 5:03you'll lose all of them.
155. 5:06The only way through
156. 5:08is to choose.
157. 5:10And sometimes that can feel like the
158. 5:11hardest decision you'll ever make.
159. 5:14One of the hardest lessons to swallow is
160. 5:16this.
161. 5:17You can't be everything.
162. 5:20But that doesn't mean you won't be as
163. 5:21fulfilled.
164. 5:22Or that your life will be less rich.
165. 5:24So stop worrying about picking the right
166. 5:27fig.
167. 5:28Because
168. 5:29there isn't one.
169. 5:30There's just [music] the one you pick.
170. 5:32And the one you stick with.
171. 5:34You can build meaning into whatever life
172. 5:36you choose.
173. 5:38You aren't going to make perfect
174. 5:39choices.
175. 5:40But you can be present
176. 5:42in the life you did choose.
177. 5:47And that's what matters.
178. 5:49Unlike it may seem,
179. 5:51picking one fig [music] doesn't mean the
180. 5:53others rot.
181. 5:55Sometimes they find you again.
182. 5:57Choosing one path doesn't automatically
183. 5:59cut you off from the others. The only
184. 6:01thing that does is if you don't choose
185. 6:04at all. [music]
186. 6:05Doctors can become writers. A traveler
187. 6:08can start a family. A painter can become
188. 6:10a scientist.
189. 6:12Lives are rarely as sealed off as the
190. 6:14tree makes it seem.
191. 6:16But that's only possible if you make the
192. 6:18first step.
193. 6:19>> [music]
194. 6:20>> And if you're struggling with that,
195. 6:21choose what feels most alive to you
196. 6:23right now. And understand it won't be
197. 6:26perfect, but it will work [music] out.
198. 6:29I often hear a lot of you asking me,
199. 6:32"How do I find purpose?"
200. 6:34And honestly, I never really knew what
201. 6:37the answer to that was.
202. 6:39But I eventually realized
203. 6:41>> [music]
204. 6:41>> it was because that question was flawed
205. 6:43in the first place.
206. 6:45Purpose isn't something you find.
207. 6:47[music] It's something you live.
208. 6:49When I was in university, I thought
209. 6:51about purpose a lot.
210. 6:53What type of impact do I want to have on
211. 6:55this world?
212. 6:55>> [music]
213. 6:56>> I never knew.
214. 6:57And then I went on an exchange semester
215. 6:59in France, and my perspective genuinely
216. 7:02changed.
217. 7:03I stopped obsessing [music] over purpose
218. 7:05and just started actively living my life
219. 7:08presently. [music]
220. 7:09And that's what led me to these videos,
221. 7:11to this brand, to everything that's to
222. 7:13come.
223. 7:14My life was never bound to a single fig.
224. 7:18There are infinite figs [music]
225. 7:19growing,
226. 7:21waiting.
227. 7:22But you have to make the first step.
228. 7:25You have to grab the first one before it
229. 7:27becomes too late.
230. 7:29I think about Plath [music] often.
231. 7:31If I could tell her one thing as she was
232. 7:33sitting there under that fig tree,
233. 7:36it would be this.
234. 7:38The world is full [music] of people
235. 7:39suffering from the effects of their own
236. 7:41unlived life. They become bitter
237. 7:44or envious because they have betrayed
238. 7:46their own inner possibilities.
239. 7:48The worst type of life
240. 7:50is the unlived one.
241. 7:52So, if you've been waiting for a sign,
242. 7:55this is it. Don't choose the perfect
243. 7:57fig.
244. 7:58Choose one,
245. 8:00embrace it,
246. 8:01and let it open you up to an infinite
247. 8:03amount of possibilities, [music]
248. 8:05to a life
249. 8:07truly lived.