Why This Ad Doesn’t Work (Can You Spot It?) — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Okay, check this out. Here is a real ad for Vessi shoes. And at
2. 0:04first glance, it looks decent, right? But this ad is missing
3. 0:07one thing that I believe is quietly killing its conversions.
4. 0:11Can you spot it now? Don't worry if you can't, because I'm about
5. 0:15to break it down for you in today's video.
6. 0:17We are not just looking at this ad copy. I am also going to
7. 0:21critique six alternate versions written by you, the Posse
8. 0:25community here on YouTube.
9. 0:27You'll see exactly what works, what doesn't, and how to make
10. 0:30any ad hotter with just a few words. If you have ever written
11. 0:34an ad, a headline or a subject line and thought, oh, why isn't
12. 0:38this working?
13. 0:39Then you definitely want to stick around, because by the end
14. 0:42of this video, you will know how to write ads that hook
15. 0:45attention, open curiosity loops, and get the right people to
16. 0:50click to your offer.
17. 0:51And if you're new around here, this is one of my favorite
18. 0:54copywriting exercises of all time, and a content series
19. 0:58called Make it Hotter, where I share real ads with my audience
20. 1:02on Instagram, LinkedIn and right here on YouTube, and then I ask
21. 1:05you to rewrite it and make it even better. Then I ask you guys
22. 1:10to vote for your favorites.
23. 1:12And today I will show you the top voted submissions, and of
24. 1:15course, I will give you my brutally honest critique too,
25. 1:19but don't worry, I'll be nice.
26. 1:20All right, so let's start with this original Vessi ad. Here's
27. 1:24exactly what it says the new market flat is here a waterproof
28. 1:29silhouette, perfect for those going from desk to drinks
29. 1:32available in three colors and now in half sizes. Shop now. So
30. 1:37does it work?
31. 1:38Well, let's break it down piece by piece, according to my hot
32. 1:42headline formula, all great ads should do these three things,
33. 1:45hook attention, open a loop, and then make it crystal clear who
34. 1:49that ad is for. So did they nail it?
35. 1:53Well, the first line says the new market flat is here. All
36. 1:57right, so they are using what I call the novelty hook here, and
37. 2:01you can tell because they're using the word new. It's
38. 2:02classic, and you see this kind of hook used a lot in e-commerce
39. 2:06ads, just like this, when something is new or never seen
40. 2:09before.
41. 2:09Of course, it does make us naturally curious and want to
42. 2:12lean in, right? But honestly, when I first read this, I was
43. 2:16like, huh, why should I care? Right?
44. 2:17New doesn't necessarily equal excitement. So this falls just a
45. 2:22little bit flat for me. Pun intended.
46. 2:26So what is a market flat? Is the next thing I'm thinking. Is it
47. 2:30the name of the shoe? A shoe you wear to the market? A shoe
48. 2:33that's new on the market? See where I'm going with this? It's
49. 2:36just a touch confusing.
50. 2:37Then they go on to say a waterproof silhouette, perfect
51. 2:40for those going from desk to drinks. Okay, so not a shoe that
52. 2:45you wear to the market. Got it, but this is where the ad really
53. 2:49gets stronger, in my opinion, with features and bennies, that
54. 2:52is the benefits if you're new around here.
55. 2:54Waterproof means it's functional, right? And desk to
56. 2:57drinks is a great benefit, and it probably means the shoe is
57. 3:00comfortable and stylish, right? So not bad, but there is a big
58. 3:05problem.
59. 3:06I feel like they bury the strongest part of the ad right
60. 3:09there in the middle, and honestly, I'm not even reading
61. 3:11that far, because the hook got me kind of confused.
62. 3:14And finally, they end the ad with available in three colors
63. 3:17and now in half sizes. Okay, cool options are great. Half
64. 3:21sizes are unique, I think, but not really.
65. 3:23Those are features, and they're not what are gonna get me to
66. 3:26click? So overall, I think this ad is okay. I gave it like a
67. 3:30five out of 10. It's pretty safe, kind of like wearing beige
68. 3:33shoes out for drinks after work.
69. 3:34So now for the best part, let's take a look at what the Posse
70. 3:39came up with, and then take note of which ad you like the best,
71. 3:42because I'm gonna ask you to vote in the comments later.
72. 3:45So let me put on my spectacles and take a look at these ads.
73. 3:50All right, so the first submission, change your dress,
74. 3:53not your flats, effortlessly hot from desk to bar in our
75. 3:56waterproof chic flats, available in three elegant colors and now
76. 4:00in half sizes for your fit. Shop now. Okay, cool.
77. 4:04Change your dress, not your flats, is a cute idea, but I
78. 4:07honestly think it kind of misses the whole point. I can tell
79. 4:09you've probably never changed in a very awkward bathroom before,
80. 4:13but obviously the benefit of not having to change your shoes is
81. 4:16that you don't have to pack anything.
82. 4:18You don't have to go, like, awkwardly change in the
83. 4:21bathroom. You know when you have, like, one leg in and the
84. 4:23other leg is in your shoe, and then you have to, like, switch
85. 4:27that you don't put your foot on the bathroom floor. You don't
86. 4:28have to go home to change, so changing your whole outfit
87. 4:31instead of changing just your shoes. I don't think anybody's
88. 4:34really gonna want to do that.
89. 4:35So while I totally understand what you're trying to do here,
90. 4:38it's just not really working for me. Your next line says,
91. 4:41effortlessly hot from desk to bar in our waterproof chic
92. 4:44flats. Boom. I love that. I think it's great. Obviously,
93. 4:47it's a play on the original ad. But I like how you added chic in
94. 4:51there. I think, I think that's cool.
95. 4:52Because I think obviously a big objection would be that, you
96. 4:57know, flat shoes aren't chic, and if you're wanting to go out
97. 4:59for drinks. You want to look good, right?
98. 5:01So you're definitely speaking to the type of person here who
99. 5:03would be interested in this benefit. And I would probably
100. 5:06just start the ad with that, like, just remove the whole
101. 5:09first line, and then you close with available in three elegant
102. 5:12colors and now in half sizes.
103. 5:13So you basically just added in the word elegant from the
104. 5:16original ad. And I don't think we really need it, because
105. 5:18elegant and chic, you kind of said both. It's a bit redundant.
106. 5:22So I would honestly just remove the word elegant and just go
107. 5:26with the original CTA, if that's what you want to do.
108. 5:29All right. Next up, Posse submission number two. Style
109. 5:33shouldn't stop for the rain. Step into modern elegance from
110. 5:37desk to drinks in our waterproof silhouette, now available in
111. 5:41half sizes and three timeless shades. Shop now.
112. 5:44Okay, this is strong. Your opening with style shouldn't
113. 5:47stop for the rain. Really strong. It's super visual. It's
114. 5:51relatable. As someone who lives in an incredibly rainy city, I
115. 5:54deeply feel this because I have so many shoes that I feel like I
116. 5:58can't wear because it's always raining here, so I can instantly
117. 6:01picture myself in like soggy shoes or ugly rain shoes,
118. 6:05leaving the office and going to meet my friends for drinks.
119. 6:08So that's exactly the type of imagery that would really work
120. 6:11well for this copy as well. I love it when you write an ad and
121. 6:14then you immediately see the picture in your head, because
122. 6:16that would make a great image to pair with this copy. Then step
123. 6:20into modern elegance. From desk to drinks. I like it.
124. 6:23Desk to drinks is a good lifestyle image. And you know,
125. 6:26it's, it's a tweak on the original ad, which I think is
126. 6:29really great. And here you're obviously speaking to the
127. 6:32identity of the customer. I also love the descriptive language,
128. 6:35you know, modern elegance.
129. 6:36But it does feel a little bit out of place for me when I think
130. 6:39of modern elegance. I don't think of like rushing from work
131. 6:43to go meet friends for drinks. I don't think this avatar is
132. 6:47actually thinking about, do I look elegant in this situation?
133. 6:50I think they're probably thinking more about style,
134. 6:53comfort and convenience. And so maybe just sticking with that.
135. 6:56And then, of course, you close again with now available in half
136. 6:59sizes and three timeless shades again, good info. You're
137. 7:02repeating the features.
138. 7:03Timeless shades is a nice touch. Great. I think that's a pretty
139. 7:06strong ad.
140. 7:07All right. Submission number three.
141. 7:08Style them anywhere from desk to date nights, the new market flat
142. 7:12is now waterproof, making you unstoppable. Available in three
143. 7:15colors and sizes that fit you perfectly. Shop now and cruise
144. 7:18in comfort.
145. 7:19All right, awesome. Okay, so the first line says, style them
146. 7:22anywhere from desk to date nights. I love this. It's a
147. 7:24little bit spicier than the first original ad. And I
148. 7:27actually think it's, it's really, really strong, because
149. 7:29again, I can picture it. You're leaving the desk, you're running
150. 7:32off to date night. So again, really speaking to that core
151. 7:35customer avatar.
152. 7:36Then you say the new market flat is not now waterproof, making
153. 7:40you unstoppable. Listen, I like the energy you're coming out
154. 7:44here with, with the word unstoppable, but I don't know it
155. 7:47feels like, just like a little bit like intense for me, you
156. 7:52know, like making you unstoppable.
157. 7:53Like, I don't know if that's really the vibe that I want to
158. 7:56go with. It's more like, I don't look cute for my date night. You
159. 8:00know, I'm not worried about being unstoppable for my date
160. 8:02night. I've actually wanting to slow down for my date night, so
161. 8:06changing that up a little bit, and then the cruising comfort
162. 8:09too. Like, I think it's great.
163. 8:10But again, if I'm going on a date night, being unstoppable
164. 8:13and cruising in comfort, those two things, I don't know, they
165. 8:16just don't really seem to fit. Like, let's continue on with the
166. 8:20date night theme. Like, what do you want when you're going on a
167. 8:22date night? You want to look really good without trying that
168. 8:25hard, right? You want to have that, like, effort, effortless
169. 8:27chic look. Maybe you use those words in the ad, effortless
170. 8:30chic, right?
171. 8:30And then, just a final note on formatting, I recommend that you
172. 8:33don't use all caps in your ads. I know Facebook doesn't
173. 8:37specifically like that, because it's kind of intense and you're
174. 8:40and you're screaming, but also I think it's a little bit jarring.
175. 8:44So I would just stay away from using all caps in your other
176. 8:45marketing. Go for it. I like to use all caps from time to time,
177. 8:49but in ads, I do not. All right, great job so far. If you guys
178. 8:52are loving this, by the way, comment below and let me know if
179. 8:55you want me to do more videos like this, because I love it. I
180. 8:58for one, I'm a big fan.
181. 9:00All right. Posse submission number four.
182. 9:02The new market flat, is designed to empower your every move from
183. 9:06work mode to social nights. It's not just about style. It's about
184. 9:10feeling unstoppable wherever life takes you. Now available in
185. 9:14new shades, and sizes to fit you perfectly. I
186. 9:19gotta call you out a little bit. This sounds a lot like AI to me,
187. 9:23my friend. And the dead giveaway is that a semicolon. I'm sorry,
188. 9:29who uses semicolons in their ads?
189. 9:32Another way I can tell this is AI is it's just a bit too overly
190. 9:36done. It's a bit too dramatic. It's a bit too like, empower
191. 9:40your every move. You know, wherever life takes you. Like
192. 9:44it's that
193. 10:02shoe that's gonna help her, like, crush weights. She's
194. 10:04looking to go out with the girls or go for date night, you know,
195. 10:07in a cool, chill way. So overall, I'm just kind of not a
196. 10:11fan, because I can tell that it's AI.
197. 10:13I will say, though, and this is the first ad that's done this,
198. 10:17is that fits you perfectly. It ends with a strong benefit,
199. 10:21versus just saying it's now available in half sizes, which
200. 10:24is a feature.
201. 10:25Why do half sizes matter? Well, it matters because you want it
202. 10:28to fit right, right, which is a benefit. So I do love that this
203. 10:31ad had a benefit at the end, not a feature. So something we can
204. 10:35take away from this one. All right?
205. 10:36Posse submission number five. From morning meetings to
206. 10:39midnight plans, the new waterproof market flat is built
207. 10:43for real life, sleek all day, comfort and ready for whatever's
208. 10:47next. No more awkward outfit changes. Yes! Now available in
209. 10:51three colors and half sizes for your perfect fit shop now.
210. 10:55So from morning meetings to midnight plans, I really love it
211. 10:58again. It's kind of a little bit of that alliteration, like desk
212. 11:01to date night, but it's different. I think that paints,
213. 11:04paints a bit of a picture of the type of ad that she was for, a
214. 11:07city girl, right? Who's like, slaying it at work, and then
215. 11:10she's like, heading out like, I think of Sex in the City. Do
216. 11:12people still know what that is? Then built for real life, sleek
217. 11:16all day, comfort, ready for whatever's next. It's punchy,
218. 11:21it's it's a little bit, it
219. 11:22sniffs a little bit of AI. But again, it's okay. We can use AI
220. 11:27to help us generate ideas. There's a little light scent of
221. 11:31AI in this ad. I think they're ready for whatever's next.
222. 11:34It's like, what's next? Like, why? Why be vague when you can
223. 11:38be specific, right?
224. 11:39Also, we're just at the office and we want to go out with
225. 11:42friends. We're not like scaling mountains over here, so I don't
226. 11:45know, just feels like a little bit out of place for me.
227. 11:47So I might say, you know something about style here,
228. 11:51like, you'll be stylish for every on the go moment or
229. 11:54something like that, right? You're speaking to like the busy
230. 11:56person who doesn't have time to change their shoes. So no more
231. 12:00awkward outfit changes. That was the best line there. I would
232. 12:03lead with that, because every single person who you know is
233. 12:07the on the go type of person who's going from meeting to
234. 12:10picking up the kids to going here to go on a date night,
235. 12:13whatever, we've all had awkward changes.
236. 12:15So I actually really like that. It's a strong hook. I would lead
237. 12:18with that. And then, like I said the ending, you also kind of
238. 12:22mentioned the features, but at least you tack on a benefit
239. 12:24there.
240. 12:24You say, available in three colors and half sizes for your
241. 12:27perfect fit. So it's very similar to the original ad, but
242. 12:30adding, adding on that benefit at the end, which makes it a
243. 12:31little bit more, you know, little bit more better if I knew
244. 12:31how to actually talk. It makes it better, in my opinion.
245. 12:38But we have one more left, and spoiler, this one's my favorite.
246. 12:41Don't let me, you know, influence your vote. Like this
247. 12:44one's my favorite might not be your favorite.
248. 12:46Have that after work drink. Don't worry if some of it ends
249. 12:49up on your shoe. Waterproof, comfortable, ready for another
250. 12:53day at work. Shoe. oh, that last word threw me off.
251. 12:56Waterproof, comfortable, ready for another day at work shoe.
252. 13:00Okay, so it started really strong, but honestly, the first
253. 13:05line, it's different. Like, you didn't take just the original ad
254. 13:08and tweak a few words here and there and add in some
255. 13:10adjectives. You actually created a new hook, which is a story
256. 13:13based hook, which is so great, right?
257. 13:15Like, go have the drink. Go do it. You deserve it, girl, right?
258. 13:18And then don't worry if it ends up on your shoe because the
259. 13:20shoes are waterproof. And then I immediately see a visual of a
260. 13:23woman at a bar, and maybe she's talking to her friends, or she's
261. 13:26talking to her date, and the drink is spilled on her shoe.
262. 13:29Maybe she doesn't even notice, right? And she still looks chic.
263. 13:31She still looks cool. I'm really chef's kiss. Big fan of that
264. 13:35one.
265. 13:36But the ready for another day at work shoe, I get what you're
266. 13:40saying. You're calling it like a ready for another day at work
267. 13:43shoe. But it's hard to read that in text, right? Like it's all
268. 13:47about the inflection of how you say it, but when you're reading
269. 13:50it, you're like, I had to read it twice, right?
270. 13:52And then also, like, who wants just another day at work shoe
271. 13:55kind of sounds boring, right? I think that kind of kills the
272. 13:58genius of the first sentence. So, and then, honestly, I think
273. 14:00you could just keep some of the elements of the original ad
274. 14:03there, right? Because that shared some features that you
275. 14:06could turn into a really juicy benefit and then add a call to
276. 14:09action. And I would say that ad is great.
277. 14:11All right, Posse, that is it for this round of make it hotter.
278. 14:15Huge thanks to everyone who played along. Honestly, you guys
279. 14:17crushed it. I know it's really hard to put your work out there,
280. 14:20but you did great.
281. 14:21All right. Now here's the deal. If you want to write copy that
282. 14:24grabs attention faster, converts better and makes people stop
283. 14:28scrolling, you need to have a strong hook. That's why I talked
284. 14:32so much about hooks in this video. And lucky for you, I have
285. 14:3699 hot hooks that you can literally swipe and use for
286. 14:39yourself.
287. 14:40You can grab a copy of my free 99 hot hook swipe file in the
288. 14:43description box below, and now I am dying to know which ad was
289. 14:47your favorite today. 1,2,3,4,5, or 6.
290. 14:50Drop them in the comments below and let me know. And if you like
291. 14:54this video and you wanna see me do more critiques like this, you
292. 14:57Give me a thumbs up below. Subscribe right while you're at
293. 14:57guys know what to do.
294. 15:00it, and hit that bell to be notified when my next video goes
295. 15:03live. I will see you next week with a brand new video. Until
296. 15:06then, I'm Alex. Ciao for now.
297. 15:08All right, guys, if you enjoyed that video, make sure to check
298. 15:10out the next one from me right here, and you can click right
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302. 15:24results shocked me.
303. 15:25I tested two pages with the exact same headline, the exact
304. 15:30same benefit, bullets, the exact same copy, the exact same call
305. 15:33to action, and pretty much the exact same images. The only
306. 15:37significant difference was the length and the layout of the
307. 15:41page, one was short and one was long. Can you guess which one
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