Why Social Health Is Key to Happiness and Longevity | Kasley Killam | TED — Transcript

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1. 0:04So a couple of years ago,
2. 0:06a woman I know who I'll call Maya,
3. 0:09went through a lot of big changes in a short amount of time.
4. 0:12She got married.
5. 0:13She and her husband moved for his job to a new city
6. 0:16where she didn’t know anyone.
7. 0:17She started a new role working from home,
8. 0:20all while managing her dad's new diagnosis of dementia.
9. 0:24And to manage the stress of all this change,
10. 0:27Maya doubled down on her physical and mental health.
11. 0:30She exercised almost every day,
12. 0:32she ate healthy foods,
13. 0:34she went to therapy once a week.
14. 0:36And these actions really helped.
15. 0:37Her body got stronger.
16. 0:39Her mind got more resilient, but only up to a point.
17. 0:44She was still struggling,
18. 0:45often losing sleep in the middle of the night,
19. 0:48feeling unfocused, unmotivated during the day.
20. 0:51Maya was doing everything that doctors typically tell us to do
21. 0:55to be physically and mentally healthy,
22. 0:57and yet something was missing.
23. 1:01What if I told you that what was missing for Maya
24. 1:03is also missing for billions of people around the world,
25. 1:07and that it might be missing for you?
26. 1:10What if I told you that not having it undermines our other efforts
27. 1:14to be healthy and can even shorten your lifespan?
28. 1:19I’ve been studying this for over a decade,
29. 1:22and I've discovered that the traditional way we think
30. 1:25about health is incomplete.
31. 1:28By thinking of our health as primarily physical and mental,
32. 1:32we overlook what I believe is the greatest challenge
33. 1:35and the greatest opportunity of our time.
34. 1:39Social health.
35. 1:41While physical health is about our bodies
36. 1:44and mental health is about our minds,
37. 1:46social health is about our relationships.
38. 1:50And if you haven't heard this term before,
39. 1:52that's because it hasn't yet made its way into mainstream vocabulary,
40. 1:56yet it is equally important.
41. 2:00Maya didn't yet have a sense of community in her new home.
42. 2:03She wasn't seeing her family,
43. 2:05or her friends or her coworkers in person anymore,
44. 2:08and she often went weeks only spending quality time with her husband.
45. 2:12Her story shows us that we can't be fully healthy,
46. 2:16we can’t thrive, if we take care of our bodies and our minds,
47. 2:20but not our relationships.
48. 2:23Similar to Maya,
49. 2:25hundreds of millions of people around the world go weeks at a time
50. 2:29without talking to a single friend or family member.
51. 2:34Globally, one in four people feel lonely.
52. 2:38And 20 percent of adults worldwide don't feel like they have anyone
53. 2:42they can reach out to for support.
54. 2:45Think about that.
55. 2:46One in five people you encounter may feel like they have no one.
56. 2:52This is more than heartbreaking.
57. 2:54It's also a public health crisis.
58. 2:57Disconnection triggers stress in the body.
59. 3:00It weakens people's immune systems.
60. 3:02It puts them at a risk, greater risk, of stroke, heart disease, diabetes,
61. 3:08dementia, depression and early death.
62. 3:11Social health is essential for longevity.
63. 3:16So you might be wondering,
64. 3:17what does it look like to be socially healthy?
65. 3:19What does that even mean?
66. 3:21Well it’s about developing close relationships
67. 3:24with your family, your friends, your partner, yourself.
68. 3:28It's about having regular interaction with your coworkers, your neighbors.
69. 3:32It's about feeling like you belong to a community.
70. 3:36Being socially healthy is about having the right quantity
71. 3:40and quality of connection for you.
72. 3:43And Maya's story is one example
73. 3:45of how social health challenges come up.
74. 3:48In my work, I hear many others.
75. 3:50Stories like Jay,
76. 3:52a freshman in college
77. 3:53who’s eager to get involved in campus
78. 3:56yet is having a hard time fitting in with people in his dorm
79. 3:59and often feels homesick.
80. 4:01Or Serena and Ali, a couple juggling the chaos of young kids
81. 4:05with demanding jobs,
82. 4:06they rarely have time to see friends
83. 4:08or spend time one-on-one.
84. 4:11Or Henry, recently retired,
85. 4:13who cherishes time with his spouse
86. 4:15and yet feels untethered without his team anymore
87. 4:18and wishes he could see his kids and grandkids more often.
88. 4:22These stories show that social health is relevant to each of us
89. 4:27at every life stage.
90. 4:29So if you're not sure where to start,
91. 4:31try the 5-3-1 guideline from my book.
92. 4:34It goes like this.
93. 4:35Aim to interact with five different people each week,
94. 4:39to strengthen at least three close relationships overall,
95. 4:43and to spend one hour a day connecting.
96. 4:46Let's dig into these.
97. 4:48So first, interact with five different people each week.
98. 4:52Just like eating a variety of vegetables
99. 4:54and other food groups is more nutritious,
100. 4:57research has shown that interacting with a variety of people
101. 5:00is more rewarding.
102. 5:01So your five could include close loved ones, casual acquaintances,
103. 5:05even complete strangers.
104. 5:07In fact, in one study that I love,
105. 5:09people who just smiled, made eye contact
106. 5:11and chit-chatted with a barista,
107. 5:13felt happier and a greater sense of belonging
108. 5:16than people who just rushed to get their coffee and go.
109. 5:20Next, strengthen at least three close relationships.
110. 5:24OK, we've all heard of a to-do list,
111. 5:26but I would like to invite you to write a to-love list.
112. 5:31Who matters most to you?
113. 5:33Who can you be yourself with?
114. 5:35Make sure that you invest
115. 5:37in the names of at least three of the people that you write down.
116. 5:40By scheduling regular time together,
117. 5:42by showing a genuine interest in their lives,
118. 5:45and also by opening up
119. 5:46about the experiences that you're going through.
120. 5:49And I'm often asked, does it have to be in person?
121. 5:52Does texting count?
122. 5:54Studies have shown that face-to-face is ideal,
123. 5:56so do that whenever possible.
124. 5:58But there are absolutely still benefits to staying connected virtually.
125. 6:02And last, spend one hour a day on meaningful connection.
126. 6:07OK, if you're an introvert, right now you're probably thinking
127. 6:10one hour sounds like a lot.
128. 6:13I get it.
129. 6:14It might be surprising, but I'm actually also an introvert.
130. 6:18However, keep in mind that just like getting eight hours of sleep at night,
131. 6:22the exact amount that's right for you personally
132. 6:25might be higher or lower.
133. 6:28But if you are thinking that one hour a day sounds like way too much
134. 6:32because you're just way too busy,
135. 6:34I challenge you.
136. 6:35Adults in the US spend an average of 4.5 hours
137. 6:38each day on their smartphones.
138. 6:41So instead of scrolling on social media,
139. 6:43text a friend.
140. 6:45Instead of reading news headlines, write a thank-you card.
141. 6:50Instead of listening to a podcast, call a family member.
142. 6:54Maya put this into practice
143. 6:56by scheduling recurring hangouts with a new local friend that she made,
144. 7:01by attending community events
145. 7:04and dropping cards off in her neighbors mailboxes,
146. 7:07by planning trips to see family
147. 7:09and inviting friends in other cities to come visit.
148. 7:12And bolstering her social health
149. 7:15made more of a difference
150. 7:16than focusing solely on her physical and mental health ever could.
151. 7:21And I know this because Maya
152. 7:25is actually me.
153. 7:28I am so passionate about sharing tools to be socially healthy
154. 7:32because honestly, I need them too.
155. 7:34And the 5-3-1 guideline is one way that we can be proactive
156. 7:38and intentional about our relationships.
157. 7:41And that is really the point.
158. 7:43Be proactive and intentional about your social health.
159. 7:48So zooming out beyond the steps that you and I take individually,
160. 7:53together, we need to shape a society that thrives through social health.
161. 7:58Over the next decade,
162. 7:59I envision educators championing social health in schools.
163. 8:03And just like kids build their physical muscles in gym class,
164. 8:06they'll exercise their social muscles in connection class.
165. 8:11Over the next decade,
166. 8:12I see our cities and neighborhoods
167. 8:14being designed with social health in mind,
168. 8:17where vibrant gathering places foster unity
169. 8:20and community builders are empowered to bring them to life.
170. 8:24Over the next decade,
171. 8:25I believe that social health
172. 8:27will become as ingrained in our collective consciousness
173. 8:31as mental health is today.
174. 8:33Because not that long ago,
175. 8:34mental health was a taboo topic shrouded in stigma.
176. 8:38And now public figures talk openly about it,
177. 8:41there's an entire industry to support it,
178. 8:44and more and more people think of going to therapy
179. 8:46like going to the gym.
180. 8:49In this future, loneliness will subside,
181. 8:52just like smoking subsided when we recognized
182. 8:55and treated it as a public health issue.
183. 8:58In this future,
184. 9:00I hope that social health will become so deeply woven
185. 9:03into the fabric of our culture
186. 9:05that no one needs the 5-3-1 guideline anymore.
187. 9:09So to get there,
188. 9:11make relationships your priority not only for you,
189. 9:15but also for the people you love.
190. 9:17Because the beauty of nurturing your own social health
191. 9:21is that it naturally enriches the social health
192. 9:24of everyone you connect with.
193. 9:26Thank you.
194. 9:28(Applause)