Why Quitting Isn’t Always Failure | Yuri Sun | TEDxGUIS Guangzhou Youth — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:02Hi guys.
2. 0:03At first, I want to ask you a question.
3. 0:07Have you guys ever been obsessed with
4. 0:09something?
5. 0:11Think about it.
6. 0:13You spend time on it. You spend money on
7. 0:16it.
8. 0:17You thought about it in class,
9. 0:20at dinner,
10. 0:21right before sleep.
11. 0:24You even dreamed about it. You felt like
12. 0:26you could do this forever.
13. 0:30But then one day,
14. 0:31you just stopped.
15. 0:33Maybe it was a sport.
16. 0:35Maybe it was a game.
17. 0:38Maybe it was a hobby.
18. 0:40And we have a name for this called the
19. 0:433-minute passion.
20. 0:45And we tend to treat it like it's a bad
21. 0:48thing.
22. 0:49And it can seem to imply you're lazy,
23. 0:52unreliable,
24. 0:54or not serious.
25. 0:56But is that really true?
26. 0:59When we start something new, we might
27. 1:01notice a predictable cycle.
28. 1:05New, exciting,
29. 1:08invest,
30. 1:09difficult, or less time, then you stop.
31. 1:14And it's easy to see that last step as I
32. 1:17failed.
33. 1:19We look at the thing we dropped and feel
34. 1:21guilty.
35. 1:25But being excited about something and
36. 1:27maintaining it are two different things.
37. 1:31According to self-determination theory,
38. 1:34novelty gives us energy.
39. 1:37It's like a spark.
40. 1:39But continuing something requires a
41. 1:41different structure.
42. 1:44Time, energy, money, or circumstance
43. 1:48that we don't fully control.
44. 1:51As Charles Duhigg explained in The Power
45. 1:53of Habit,
46. 1:55building a new habit relies heavily on
47. 1:57our environment.
48. 2:01Um environment, when we start something
49. 2:04new, we might notice a predictable
50. 2:06cycle.
51. 2:09New, exciting, invest a lot of time,
52. 2:10then you stop.
53. 2:14And
54. 2:18Oh, sorry.
55. 2:20And for me, it was mountain biking.
56. 2:23At first, I found it really cool.
57. 2:26I loved the speed.
58. 2:28I loved the feeling of riding it.
59. 2:32And I became interested in modifying my
60. 2:34bike.
61. 2:37I spent quite a lot of money upgrading
62. 2:39it, like those new parts, better
63. 2:42components.
64. 2:44I don't say that to show off.
65. 2:46I say it because spending money is
66. 2:48evidence.
67. 2:50It proves I generally care.
68. 2:53It wasn't a casual interest.
69. 2:55It mattered to me.
70. 2:57I still remember staying up late
71. 2:59researching parts,
72. 3:01comparing components,
73. 3:04thinking about the small changes that
74. 3:05will make the bike feel better.
75. 3:09The process was really fun. It gave me
76. 3:11something to look forward to.
77. 3:14Eventually, I started boarding at
78. 3:16school.
79. 3:18And my schedule became much busier.
80. 3:21So that I had less time to ride.
81. 3:23At first, I told myself, "I'll ride on
82. 3:27weekends."
83. 3:28Then the weekend got busy.
84. 3:31Then I told myself,
85. 3:32"I'll ride during breaks."
86. 3:35Then the break got filled with other
87. 3:37things.
88. 3:39So that I rode less and less.
89. 3:43But there's important distinction here.
90. 3:46Losing the interest is not the same as
91. 3:48losing the ability or opportunity to
92. 3:51pursue [clears throat] something.
93. 3:53Sometimes we quit because life changed,
94. 3:56not because we changed.
95. 3:59And that difference matter
96. 4:01because we can confuse the two.
97. 4:03We think, I stopped,
98. 4:06so I must not care anymore.
99. 4:08But maybe the true is
100. 4:11I still care, but I just can't give it
101. 4:14the same time right now.
102. 4:20So,
103. 4:24think about that.
104. 4:28Sometimes we quit because life changed,
105. 4:30not because we changed.
106. 4:34And experience can teach us what we
107. 4:37enjoyed,
108. 4:39what we are willing to invest in,
109. 4:42and how our environment affects our
110. 4:44hobbies.
111. 4:47From my mountain biking story,
112. 4:49it it told me that I love speed, I love
113. 4:53tinkering,
114. 4:55I love the feeling of riding it.
115. 5:00And
116. 5:02I love the feeling of riding it.
117. 5:11It also told me that when my schedule
118. 5:13changes,
119. 5:15my hobbies change.
120. 5:18That's information.
121. 5:21But I want to be clear, this is not a
122. 5:24speech that's telling you to quit
123. 5:25whenever something is hard.
124. 5:27That's not a message.
125. 5:30I'm not saying you should give up just
126. 5:32because something is hard.
127. 5:34Sometimes difficulty is exactly the
128. 5:37thing we should stay with.
129. 5:39Sometimes
130. 5:42difficulty
131. 5:44is
132. 5:45where growth happen.
133. 5:48It tells me it tell us to stay,
134. 5:51to adjust, to ask for help.
135. 5:57Some difficulty is not a matter clear
136. 5:59reason to leave.
137. 6:01Sometimes
138. 6:03we should keep going.
139. 6:05Sometimes
140. 6:06the right choice is to stay,
141. 6:09to adjust, to ask for help.
142. 6:12So,
143. 6:18the point is not to quit more.
144. 6:20The point is to understand more.
145. 6:27So, there's a difference between giving
146. 6:29up and moving on.
147. 6:32Giving up because something is hard
148. 6:34sounds like, "This is hard, so I'm out."
149. 6:39Um
150. 6:40but moving on sounds different because
151. 6:43sometimes it's priority or circumstance
152. 6:46change.
153. 6:48It sounds like, "It still matters to me,
154. 6:51but I just can't give it the same time
155. 6:53right now."
156. 6:56And
157. 6:58before you quit, ask yourself,
158. 7:01"Am I leaving because this no longer
159. 7:02mattered to me,
160. 7:04or am I leaving just because
161. 7:07my life has changed?
162. 7:11Am I giving up,
163. 7:12or am I moving on?"
164. 7:16So,
165. 7:19the goal isn't to never quit. The goal
166. 7:22is to understand why you quit.
167. 7:29So,
168. 7:33let's change the question.
169. 7:35The old question is,
170. 7:39"Why can I stick to anything?"
171. 7:41The new question is,
172. 7:44"What did this experience teach me?"
173. 7:48An experience can teach us what we
174. 7:50enjoy,
175. 7:51what we are willing to invest in, or how
176. 7:54our environment affects our hobbies.
177. 8:02Mountain biking taught me that I love
178. 8:04speed. I love the feeling of riding it.
179. 8:07Also, it told me that when my schedule
180. 8:09changes, my hobbies change.
181. 8:12So, the final question is
182. 8:17what did it teach me?
183. 8:20Thank you.