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Why It Sucks to Be a Wet Nurse (in Joseon Korea) — Transcript

by Backstory Of History · 2,717 words · 486 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00You're 19 years old when your mother
0:01lifts your daughter from your arms. The
0:04baby is 3 days old. You haven't named
0:06her yet. Your husband died 2 months ago,
0:09and the payment is the only thing
0:10between your mother and starvation. The
0:12palace needs your milk by morning. A
0:14woman in fine ramie cloth kneels in
0:16front of you and pulls open your jeogori
0:18without asking. She checks your breasts
0:20for milk flow, squeezes, checks your
0:23teeth, your tongue, the skin on your
0:25forearms,
0:26turns your hands over.
0:28Her fingers are efficient and cold, like
0:30a farmer inspecting a cow's udder at
0:32market.
0:33A court attendant stands behind her,
0:35scanning the room like it's beneath him.
0:38Your daughter is still crying in the
0:39corner.
0:41Your mother won't look at you. She
0:43already agreed to this before you woke
0:44up. You are a wet nurse now.
0:47You're going to live inside the royal
0:49palace.
0:50Silk bedding, a physician who checks on
0:52you,
0:53three meals of white rice a day while
0:55your village eats millet gruel.
0:57Your milk will feed a prince,
0:59and your own daughter will drink diluted
1:01rice water from a rag while you nurse
1:02someone else's child every 3 hours
1:04around the clock.
1:06You rank somewhere between the laundry
1:08women and the chamber pot. You eat
1:10better than them.
1:11You're still beneath every court lady,
1:13every attendant, every gungnyeo who can
1:15read a document or recite Confucian
1:17verse.
1:18The chief sanggung who runs the nursery
1:20inspects your breasts before every
1:21feeding.
1:22If the milk is thin or slow, she
1:24withholds your evening rice.
1:26Another wet nurse named Gyeom-yi finds
1:28you on your first night. She's been here
1:302 years. She whispers the only rule that
1:33matters. If the prince gets sick, it's
1:35your fault, always. Even if the
1:38physician says it isn't.
1:40She watched a wet nurse get beaten with
1:42a bamboo rod and dismissed after a
1:44prince developed a fever.
1:46The physician found no connection to the
1:47milk. The nurse was dismissed anyway.
1:50First week and your nipples crack open.
1:53They bleed through the cloth wraps
1:55before the third day.
1:56The palace physician gives you a salve
1:58that burns.
2:00You apply it between feedings and do not
2:02sleep. Feedings come every 3 hours.
2:05Dawn, mid-morning, noon, afternoon,
2:09evening, midnight,
2:113:00 a.m.
2:13Your body does not belong to a clock
2:14anymore. It belongs to a schedule
2:17designed around a newborn who doesn't
2:19care that you're hemorrhaging.
2:21Jum Yi teaches you to doze standing up,
2:243 minutes at a time leaning against the
2:26nursery wall.
2:28You learn to wake the instant before the
2:30infant cries.
2:31Your body becomes an instrument tuned to
2:33a frequency that isn't yours.
2:362 months in and your hair starts falling
2:38out. It comes away in clumps when you
2:40wash it. The diet is the problem. No
2:43garlic, no pepper, no cold water, no
2:46flavor.
2:47Everything you eat is selected for its
2:49effect on the prince's digestion, not
2:51yours.
2:53You're producing milk for a growing
2:54infant while eating controlled portions
2:56of rice porridge and bean sprouts.
2:58Your body is cannibalizing itself to
3:00keep the supply flowing. A wet nurse on
3:03the east wing eats a persimmon that a
3:05visitor smuggled in.
3:06The prince has loose stool that night.
3:09She's beaten and replaced within the
3:10hour. Nobody investigates whether the
3:12persimmon caused anything. Nobody needs
3:15to.
3:16The system has already decided. 6 months
3:18in and you can read the prince's cries
3:20the way a sailor reads weather.
3:22Hunger sounds different from gas. Pain
3:25different from boredom.
3:26You can calm him in under a minute.
3:29The court ladies can't. The Sang-gung
3:31can't.
3:32You're the only person in the nursery
3:33whose arms make him stop screaming.
3:36This makes you indispensable. It also
3:38makes you a target.
3:40The palace physician tests your milk
3:41monthly. He tastes it, checks the color
3:44against a white cloth, presses your
3:46breasts for lumps while speaking about
3:48you in the third person to his
3:49assistant. The Umo's constitution is
3:51declining. Note the density.
3:54You kneel in front of him and say
3:55nothing.
3:57You are not a patient.
3:59You are a sample.
4:00One year in and your spine has
4:02permanently curved from hunching during
4:04feedings.
4:05Pain radiates between your shoulder
4:07blades every time you straighten up.
4:09Your face is gaunt.
4:11Three teeth are loose from calcium
4:13depletion.
4:14Your body has been feeding the prince's
4:16growing bones from your own skeleton.
4:19The palace physician notes you're
4:20malnourished in his monthly log.
4:23He prescribes nothing.
4:25Your function is milk production.
4:27Everything else about you is irrelevant
4:28to the operation of this nursery.
4:30You learn to suppress everything.
4:32Coughs, sneezes, your own crying.
4:36Silence is the primary skill of a wet
4:38nurse, not nursing.
4:40The infant must not be disturbed by your
4:42existence as a person. You are a body
4:44with a function and the function is
4:46quiet nourishment. At night you lie on
4:48your side in the narrow room off the
4:50nursery and press your palms against the
4:52wall to stop them shaking. The cold
4:54stone steadies you.
4:56Your breasts leak through the cloth
4:57wraps and soak the sleeping mat. You
5:00change the wraps in the dark because the
5:01supply cannot be wasted. The palace
5:04accounts track your milk yield the way a
5:05farm tracks grain harvest.
5:07A senior court lady reviews the numbers
5:09each week. Your output has dropped 12%
5:12since winter.
5:13She does not ask why.
5:15She schedules an extra feeding at dawn.
5:18You dream about your daughter.
5:19In the dream she is always three days
5:21old, the size she was when you last held
5:23her.
5:24She never grows.
5:26She never ages.
5:27You wake with wet cloth against your
5:29chest and the prince crying two walls
5:31away and you get up because that is what
5:33you do.
5:35You've also learned the real hierarchy.
5:38The previous wet nurse for this prince
5:40was dismissed after nine months.
5:42Not because her milk failed.
5:44Because a The lady accused her of
5:46speaking her dialect too loudly near the
5:48infant, contaminating the prince's ears
5:51with lowborn sounds.
5:53That's how this place works.
5:55Your body is useful. Your voice is
5:57pollution.
5:59The formal moment comes quietly.
6:01You are presented to the Queen Mother in
6:03the birthing pavilion.
6:05You kneel on cold stone.
6:07The infant is placed in your arms.
6:09You nurse for the first time under the
6:11eyes of the Queen Mother, the Chief
6:13Sang-gung, two attending court ladies,
6:16and the palace physician.
6:18They watch your technique like judges at
6:19an examination.
6:21The Queen Mother nods once.
6:23The Chief Sang-gung marks something on a
6:25ledger.
6:26You wear a clean white jogeri and chima,
6:29the simplest version of court dress.
6:32The fabric is finer than anything you've
6:33ever touched, but the cut marks you as a
6:35servant. No color, no ornament, no
6:38identity.
6:40You look like a cleaned-up version of
6:41nobody.
6:42The prince latches. He is warm and
6:45heavy, and his mouth pulls at you with
6:46blind need.
6:48Your arms know this weight,
6:50but it's the wrong weight.
6:52Somewhere in your village, your
6:53daughter, the one you nursed for 3 days,
6:56is learning to drink from a rag soaked
6:58in rice water.
6:59You look like devotion. You feel like
7:01theft.
7:03The Queen Mother visits the nursery
7:05three times in your first week. She
7:07watches from behind a screen.
7:09You can hear her breathing.
7:10You nurse the prince perfectly each time
7:13because your body knows what happens if
7:14you don't. On the fourth visit, she
7:16brings a court painter. He sketches you
7:19nursing the prince for the royal
7:20household record.
7:22In the painting, your face is serene.
7:24Your hands are steady. You look like a
7:26woman at peace.
7:27The painter gets everything right except
7:29the part where you are dying inside.
7:32The Sang-gung moves your sleeping mat to
7:34the alcove directly off the nursery.
7:36You sleep 10 ft from the prince's
7:38cradle.
7:39The door stays open.
7:40If he cries, you have 30 seconds before
7:43the Sang-gung appears.
7:45You learn to sleep the way a guard dog
7:46sleeps.
7:48One ear open.
7:49One foot on the floor.
7:5118 months as a yumo and the prince
7:53recognizes your voice before his
7:55mother's. He cries when anyone else
7:57holds him.
7:58He buries his face in your neck and
8:00grabs fistfuls of your joggery when
8:02strangers approach.
8:04You're not his mother.
8:06But you're the closest thing he knows.
8:08Gumi tells you about a former wet nurse
8:10named Bok-sun who served a princess for
8:12four years.
8:14When the princess turned five, Bok-sun
8:16was released with enough rice and cotton
8:18to live independently for two years.
8:20A pension. A fresh start.
8:23Gumi says it like a legend. You hear it
8:25like a plan.
8:26At 22, the prince survives his third
8:29winter. In the palace, a child reaching
8:31three is an event.
8:33The queen mother personally acknowledges
8:35your service. She gives you a bolt of
8:37cotton cloth and a small jade ring. It's
8:39the most valuable thing you've ever
8:41owned. A court lady mentions that loyal
8:43wet nurses are remembered when their
8:45service concludes. For the first time,
8:48you let yourself believe the system
8:49rewards compliance.
8:51At 23, the prince calls you "Ama."
8:55Mother. He doesn't know the word is
8:57wrong. He doesn't know you're not his
8:59mother.
9:00He just knows your arms, your smell, the
9:02sound of the lullaby you hum when he
9:04can't sleep.
9:06The court ladies correct him gently.
9:08You are not corrected.
9:10You are warned.
9:12Do not encourage this.
9:14But you don't need to encourage it.
9:16He already believes it.
9:18And somewhere underneath the warning,
9:19you believe it, too.
9:21A prince who loves his wet nurse
9:23protects her.
9:24This has happened before.
9:26Bae on Bok-dong was still beside her
9:27princess at 72.
9:29It could happen. Your daughter turns
9:31four without you. You've missed her
9:33first word, her first step, her first
9:35winter without a fever.
9:37You don't know if she had a fever. You
9:39don't know if she survived. You imagine
9:42her face assembled from your own
9:43features and her father's, but the image
9:45ages in your mind and you know it's
9:47never accurate. At night, you hold the
9:50scrap of swaddling cloth you brought
9:51from home.
9:53It stopped smelling like anything 2
9:54years ago,
9:55but the math still works. One more year.
9:59The prince turns five. The service
10:01concludes. The pension comes.
10:03You buy a small house near your mother's
10:05village and your daughter runs toward
10:07you at the gate.
10:08The prince is almost five.
10:10Your daughter is almost five.
10:12One more year and the whole thing pays
10:14off.
10:15You're 24, sitting in the nursery
10:17courtyard mending one of the prince's
10:19sleeping robes, humming the village
10:21lullaby he learned from you.
10:23It's mid-afternoon.
10:24The light is good. You're doing fine.
10:28A junior court lady runs out of the
10:29pavilion.
10:31She doesn't speak. She doesn't need to.
10:33The sound coming from inside the Queen
10:35Mother's chambers is something no wall
10:37can hold.
10:38The prince is dead.
10:40Fever.
10:41Three days of convulsions the court
10:43physicians couldn't stop.
10:45He was four and a half.
10:47The child whose voice you knew better
10:48than your own daughter's, whose weight
10:50your arms could identify in the dark,
10:53whose face you watched more carefully
10:55than any face in your life, is gone.
10:58Your position is dissolved.
11:00There is no prince to nurse.
11:02There is no reason for you to exist
11:04inside these walls.
11:06The future you'd been building in your
11:07head for five years, one more winter,
11:10one more year,
11:11the pension, the house, your daughter
11:14running toward you at the village gate.
11:16It was never a promise.
11:18It was just what the palace let you
11:20believe so you'd keep producing milk.
11:23The investigation begins the same
11:24afternoon. The court physicians look for
11:27a cause. The wet nurse is the first
11:29suspect. Your milk, your body, your
11:31lowborn proximity to royal blood, the
11:34jade ring, the Queen Mother's
11:36acknowledgement, the prince calling you
11:38Amma. Every sign you read as proof that
11:40the system rewards you was actually
11:42proof that the system needs you. The
11:44moment it doesn't, you're furniture
11:46again.
11:47Less than furniture.
11:49Furniture stays.
11:50They escort you to the palace gate. A
11:53junior attendant who doesn't know your
11:54name walks you out. No pension, no
11:57ceremony, no final meal. You carry the
12:00jade ring, the scrap of swaddling cloth,
12:03and 5 years of damage inside a body that
12:05looks 10 years older than it is.
12:07You pass a young woman at the gate on
12:09your way out.
12:11She's maybe 18, carrying a bundle.
12:13Her breasts are swollen with milk.
12:16Her eyes are red from crying.
12:19She is your replacement for the next
12:20royal infant.
12:22You want to tell her something.
12:24You open your mouth.
12:25Nothing comes out.
12:27You're 25 when you reach your village.
12:30Your mother is thinner than you
12:31remember.
12:32Your daughter is five.
12:34She hides behind her grandmother's skirt
12:36when she sees you.
12:37She doesn't know your face. She's been
12:39calling your mother Amma for 4 years.
12:42You kneel down to her level, and she
12:44looks at you like you're a visiting
12:45stranger.
12:46You are a visiting stranger.
12:49Your daughter eats dinner across the
12:51room from you that first night.
12:53She sits with your mother.
12:55You sit alone near the door.
12:57She laughs at something your mother
12:58says.
13:00The sound cuts through you worse than
13:02anything the palace ever did.
13:04You nursed a prince.
13:06You held a prince.
13:08You soothed a prince to sleep every
13:10night for 5 years, but the girl across
13:12this room,
13:14the one with your eyes and your
13:15husband's jaw,
13:16does not know the sound of your voice.
13:19You taught a prince her lullaby.
13:22She never heard it.
13:23By 27, the jade ring is gone,
13:26sold to buy seed grain.
13:29The money lasts eight months.
13:31You take work as a laundry woman for a
13:33yangban household. Your back screams
13:35every time you bend over the washing
13:37stone.
13:38Three missing teeth from calcium the
13:40prince's bones took from yours.
13:42Spine curved permanently from five years
13:44of hunching over an infant who isn't
13:46alive anymore.
13:48Your daughter calls you by your name.
13:50Not Omuh.
13:51Your name.
13:53The way you'd address an aunt you see
13:54twice a year. By 30 your mother dies.
13:57Now it's just you and a daughter who
13:59tolerates you but doesn't love you.
14:01The woman who raised her is gone. You're
14:03the one who left. You're too broken for
14:06field work. Too old for another wet
14:08nursing position. Too proud for the
14:09alternatives that wait at the bottom of
14:11a life with nothing.
14:13You wash clothes. You eat. You sleep.
14:16Jimyi. The woman who taught you to doze
14:18standing up died in the palace kitchens
14:21two years after you left. She never went
14:23home either.
14:24Inside the palace you were essential.
14:27Outside you're invisible.
14:30You die at 38. Tuberculosis.
14:33The physicians say it was dormant for
14:35years. Maybe contracted during the
14:37palace years when you spent nights in
14:39underheated quarters with open windows
14:40because the Sangung said the infant
14:42needed fresh air. It reactivates in your
14:4530s when your body has nothing left to
14:47fight with.
14:49Your daughter buries you alone on the
14:50hillside behind the village.
14:53She's 19 now. Old enough to dig the
14:55grave herself.
14:57She does not cry.
14:58Or if she does, you are not there to see
15:00it.
15:01There is no marker.
15:03No ceremony beyond what a daughter with
15:05no money can manage. No record in any
15:07archive that a woman named you existed.
15:10No entry in any palace ledger that
15:12tracks what happened to the wet nurses
15:14after they walked out the gate.
15:16You were 19 when the palace took you.
15:18You nursed a prince for five years. He
15:20died anyway.
15:22You gave your milk, your bones, your
15:24sleep, your spine,
15:26and every minute of your daughter's
15:27childhood to a child who was never
15:29yours.
15:30Your daughter is alive.
15:32She buries you and walks home.
15:34She never called you umma.
15:36Still think the wet nurse had it bad?
15:38At least they let you hold the child.
15:41In the Qing Dynasty, they took Korean
15:43girls as tribute, shipped them to the
15:44Forbidden City, and beat them for
15:46speaking their own language in their
15:48sleep. Check out your life as a tribute
15:50girl right here.
15:52Because at least the wet nurse walked
15:53out alive. The tribute girl never left.

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