YT YouTube2Text

YouTube2Text → Transcripts → Why It Sucks to Be a Girl Raised as a Boy (in Ancient Afghanistan)

Why It Sucks to Be a Girl Raised as a Boy (in Ancient Afghanistan) — Transcript

by Bernard · 3,283 words · 536 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

Open in transcriber Summarize with AI Download SRT/VTT

Full transcript

0:00You're born in 15th century Herat,
0:02Afghanistan in a room full of
0:04expectations and joy.
0:06But all that changes when the midwife
0:08confirms you're a girl. Immediately when
0:11it's confirmed, your father walks out of
0:13the room with a snort while your mother
0:15cries silently.
0:17Years pass as you turn three.
0:19Although you do not know what transpired
0:21at your birth, you already know
0:23something about your world isn't right.
0:26As the last born out of four daughters,
0:28your entire family is treated
0:30differently.
0:31Your father is a cloth merchant. This is
0:33a respectable occupation in your city as
0:35Silk Road caravans stop to trade silk,
0:38spices, and rumors in equal measure.
0:41Still, whenever you're out with him, you
0:43notice the neighbors point and look at
0:45him with pity.
0:46You find out later that it's because
0:48they believe he is cursed with a wife
0:50who can only produce girls. You hear
0:53neighbors ask your father loudly when
0:55he'll finally have someone to carry his
0:57name. Merchants he trades with make
0:59jokes about when he's going to take
1:00another wife so his embarrassment can
1:03come to an end.
1:04So, as the little girl you are, you grow
1:06to believe they're right and that you
1:09and your sisters bring shame to your
1:10father.
1:12The thing is, in your society, girls are
1:15seen as a liability. This is because
1:18your customs say girls cannot move
1:20around unaccompanied. This means they
1:22can't go to the market or mosque or even
1:25visit their relatives alone. They have
1:27to be escorted by a male member of their
1:30family and in your case, that's your
1:32father.
1:34But that's not the worst part of not
1:35having a male child. The worst is that
1:38if there's no son to inherit your
1:40father's property, they will go to his
1:42brothers, nephews, or male cousins.
1:45By the time you turn six, you've learned
1:48to read the room. You learn how to
1:50identify which visitors bring careful
1:53pity, which ones bring cruelty dressed
1:55as concern, and which ones don't care
1:57about you, your sisters, or your mom's
2:00feelings.
2:01One evening, after one of your uncles
2:03leaves your house, you overhear your
2:05mother and father talking in low tones.
2:09You don't hear all of it, but you catch
2:11some words, like new wife, your name,
2:14and a word you've never heard before,
2:17bacha posh. You don't give it much
2:19thought. After all, this always happens
2:21wherever your uncles leave.
2:24The next day, you follow your sisters
2:25around as you all do your chores. You're
2:28almost done when your father summons you
2:30to his living area.
2:32When you meet him, he asks if you've
2:34ever wondered what it's like to be a
2:36boy.
2:37You say yes. Why wouldn't you? You've
2:40always wanted everything your mother and
2:42sisters told you girls couldn't have and
2:44boys could.
2:45Even when they told you it's what the
2:47law and holy book said, you still wanted
2:50them in your heart.
2:51So, every day, you watch the boys on
2:54your street chase each other through the
2:55dust, shouting as loud as they want, and
2:58walking wherever they want without
3:00anyone stopping them.
3:02Then your father asks you if you want to
3:05be a boy.
3:07You're shocked by the question, but say
3:09yes.
3:10He takes a deep breath as if he's
3:12relieved that was your answer.
3:15He then tells you that he'll make it
3:17happen, and that from now on, you will
3:20be his son.
3:21You nod, but you don't see how a girl
3:25can become a boy.
3:27Well, the answer doesn't take long as
3:29that very day, he cuts your hair short.
3:32Then he dresses you up in boys clothes
3:34and gives you a new name, a boy's name.
3:37He tells you that from now on, you're a
3:40bacha posh, and that the girl you used
3:43to be is gone.
3:45That first evening is strange for
3:47everyone, not just you. At dinner time,
3:49your mother calls you in for dinner with
3:51your new name, only for you to look at
3:53her confused before realizing that she's
3:56talking to you.
3:57During the meal, your sisters exchange
3:59glances, unsure whether to laugh or look
4:02away. Your second oldest sister forgets
4:05completely and calls you by the name you
4:07were born with, only for your father's
4:09head to snap up so fast she spills her
4:11soup.
4:12Nobody quite knows how to sit around the
4:14same table as before.
4:16You don't either. You just keep waiting
4:19for someone to tell you this was a joke,
4:21a test, or a single strange day that
4:24will end at bedtime.
4:26It doesn't end. As by the third day,
4:29your new name comes as easily to you as
4:31your old one. And by the end of the
4:33week, your sisters stop catching
4:35themselves before they speak, as they
4:36now call you by your new name,
4:38especially when your father is present.
4:41Your mother, on the other hand, is
4:42strangely enthusiastic about your gender
4:45change. She calls you her little boy and
4:47gets annoyed when she believes your
4:49older sisters are not giving you the
4:51respect she believes you deserve.
4:53To be honest, you don't hate her
4:55new-found love.
4:57It's not that she didn't love or take
4:59care of you when you were a girl. It's
5:01that previously, you were just another
5:04one of her daughters, nothing special.
5:06But now, you're your parents' pride and
5:09joy.
5:10>> [music]
5:10>> And it shows, especially at meal times.
5:14Whenever your sisters serve food, you're
5:16served first with the better cuts of
5:18meat somehow always ending up on your
5:20plate.
5:21The first time it happened, you asked
5:22your mother why. She smiles and tells
5:25you that a growing boy needs strength.
5:28Nobody argues with her.
5:29>> [laughter]
5:30>> The next few weeks feel like a different
5:31life entirely. You go to Madrasa, or
5:34Islamic school, now. You sit
5:37cross-legged among the boys as the
5:38teacher teaches verses you're expected
5:40to memorize. Nobody questions your place
5:43on the floor, and even when prayer time
5:46comes, you kneel in the men's rows at
5:48the mosque instead of the curtain
5:50section your mother and sisters use. You
5:53also notice that neighbors who once
5:55pitied your father now greet him with
5:57respect.
5:58The boys you used to watch now wave you
6:01over to play. You're sure they know what
6:03you used to be.
6:04Still, nobody explains why they've
6:06changed. Nobody mentions the girl whose
6:09place in the world you've taken.
6:11And that's not all, as you also get to
6:14run errands alone.
6:16Previously, you couldn't walk through
6:17the market without your father
6:18accompanying you. Now you walk through
6:21the market yourself without anyone
6:23telling you to lower your eyes.
6:25Shopkeepers also speak to you directly
6:28now, not through your father.
6:30The first time you go solo, one of the
6:32shopkeepers hands you a date and calls
6:34you young man like it's obvious, like
6:37you've always been a young man.
6:40The [music] truth is that none of this
6:41is as unusual as it feels to you. Your
6:44family isn't the first in this city to
6:46make this choice. So, their silence
6:48isn't confusion. It's recognition.
6:52Every adult in this neighborhood has
6:54seen a bacha posh before or knows
6:56someone who has. And the unspoken
6:58agreement to simply let it be true isn't
7:01being invented for you.
7:03You've just stepped into a pattern this
7:05whole society has quietly kept room for
7:08for longer than anyone bothers to
7:10remember.
7:11You just turned nine when your father
7:13starts taking you with him to his stall
7:15in the cloth market. At first, he only
7:17allows you to watch.
7:19Later, when he's sure that you've gotten
7:21used to trade, he lets you handle coin.
7:24So now, you don't just watch, you also
7:27help him count change into customers'
7:29palms.
7:31One day, while he's busy taking
7:32inventory, he lets you handle
7:34transactions.
7:36You see him at the back of the stall
7:37watching you haggle with a customer as
7:39if he's testing whether you can hold
7:41your price or not. But you're young, so
7:44you get it wrong more often than you get
7:45it right.
7:47Still, he corrects you the way a man
7:49corrects his son.
7:50In the evenings, merchants and neighbors
7:52come to sit with your father and talk
7:54business, politics, and the price of
7:56silk on the road from Balkh. During
7:59their discussions, you're allowed to sit
8:00on the rug beside him instead of being
8:02sent to the kitchen like your sisters.
8:05Nobody tells you to be quiet, not even
8:07when you chip in on their discussions.
8:10One time you even offer him an opinion
8:12about a trade he's considering. He
8:14actually pauses and thinks it over
8:16before answering, [clears throat]
8:17like your word carries real weight.
8:20To be honest, you've never felt so
8:23necessary to anyone in your life.
8:26But being a boy isn't only about errands
8:29and respect. It comes with its own
8:31weight, too. Whenever your mother or
8:33sisters need to leave the house for a
8:34wedding, a sick bed visit, or even the
8:37covered market where men don't go,
8:39you're the one who has to take them.
8:42It isn't a request. It's expected the
8:44way breathing is expected, and refusing
8:47isn't something that occurs to you as an
8:49option.
8:50So some afternoons see you trailing
8:52behind women who haggle over fabric
8:55while you'd rather be anywhere else.
8:58But you stay because that's what sons
9:00do.
9:01This also complicates your relationship
9:04with your sisters. The thing is, your
9:06father expects your sisters to treat you
9:08the way they'd treat him, bringing you
9:11water without being asked, letting you
9:13eat before they do even at home, and
9:16deferring to whatever you decide when he
9:18isn't there to decide it himself.
9:21This isn't easy for them, especially
9:24since just a few years ago you were
9:26their cute little sister who used to
9:28hang on to every word they said.
9:31Your oldest sister, Bibi, resents this
9:33most openly.
9:35She can't understand why she, who's
9:37older and sharper than you, still has to
9:40fetch your tea.
9:42This causes a lot of friction between
9:44the both of you that you both start to
9:46ignore each other whenever your parents
9:48aren't around.
9:49Fortunately for you, this is just her.
9:52As every night after your parents have
9:54retired to their rooms, you sit with
9:56your other sisters and tell them all
9:58about your day in low whispers. You tell
10:01them what you saw in the market that
10:02day, which merchant shouted at his
10:05apprentice, which traveler's caravan
10:07smelled of cardamom, and what price silk
10:10fetched [laughter] today versus last
10:11week.
10:12They lean in for it like it's the only
10:14real news that ever reaches this house.
10:17Well, it's the only news worth anything.
10:20But in exchange, you get their gossip,
10:23like which neighbor's daughter got
10:25slapped for laughing too loud in public,
10:27and whose mother is already scouting
10:29husbands.
10:31For an hour or two, you're not their
10:33brother. You're one of them.
10:35Still, you know things are no longer how
10:37they used to be.
10:39Years pass as you turn 12. At this
10:42point, you're almost indistinguishable
10:44from the boys you play with. And it's
10:46not just because you get into the same
10:48trouble they do. At least twice a month,
10:50a neighbor drags you home by the collar
10:52to report that you were caught throwing
10:54stones at a rival street's boys, or
10:56skipping [music] madrasa to watch a
10:57caravan unload at city gates.
11:00And every time that happens, your father
11:02scolds you loudly in front of whoever's
11:04brought you back, the way a father's
11:06supposed to.
11:08But once the door closes, it's just the
11:10two of you.
11:11You catch something else on his face.
11:14Something almost like pride.
11:16It seems to him that you getting into
11:18trouble is a confirmation that you're a
11:21boy.
11:22And so in [music] order to keep seeing
11:23that pride on his face, you keep getting
11:26into trouble.
11:27But life has other plans, as months
11:30later, your body starts to change.
11:33You notice it while bathing. A new soft
11:36rise on your chest that wasn't there
11:38before.
11:39Subtle enough at first that you convince
11:41yourself you're imagining it. But you're
11:43not, as within weeks, it's obvious
11:46enough that your loose tunic doesn't
11:48fully hide it anymore.
11:50So one night you tear a strip from an
11:52old cloth and wind it tight across your
11:55chest.
11:56You start to wear it before you dress,
11:58flattening what has started to show.
12:00But it's painful.
12:02Finally, you go to meet your mother in
12:04private and complain about it.
12:06She tells you that you did the right
12:08thing by coming to her, as she begs you
12:10to not tell your father about it. Then
12:13she gets a soft material from her room
12:15and wraps it around your chest in a
12:17delicate manner.
12:18This time, it feels a lot better.
12:20[laughter]
12:21Of course, it's still uncomfortable in a
12:23way you don't have a word for, as you
12:25just feel a constant pressure on your
12:27chest that acts as a reminder that
12:29you're hiding something.
12:31You just turned 14 and are helping your
12:33father at his stall when a cramp doubles
12:36you over.
12:37By the time you recover, you're already
12:39bleeding beneath your robe.
12:41Your father notices and asks you what
12:44happened.
12:45You tell him, expecting him to worry.
12:47Instead, he looks at you with
12:49disappointment and tells you to go see
12:51your mother.
12:53You don't understand what's going on,
12:55but you do as you're told.
12:57Immediately, you go home and tell your
12:59mother what happened. She pulls you
13:01inside into the women's part of the
13:03house you haven't stood in for years.
13:06There, she shows you quickly and without
13:08much ceremony what you need to know.
13:10But you still don't understand what is
13:12going on, so you ask her straight. You
13:15notice the hesitation in her face as she
13:17grips your shoulders and tells you
13:18something you don't expect.
13:21She says quietly that your body bleeding
13:24is something only a woman's body does.
13:26Immediately, you understand the reason
13:28for your father's disappointment. This
13:30was a reminder to everyone that you've
13:32only been playing pretend all these
13:34years, that no matter how much they all
13:37lie to themselves,
13:39you're still a girl.
13:41From that day on, your life changes
13:44again.
13:46It starts first with your father. That
13:48night, he tells you not to bother
13:49following him to the stall for a while.
13:52You believe it's because he wants you to
13:53recover, so you just nod and do as
13:55you're told.
13:57But even after a week of recovering, he
13:59still tells you not to come to the
14:00stall.
14:02A week becomes two.
14:04Two becomes four.
14:06Finally, 2 months since your first
14:07period, your father summons you. He
14:10tells you flatly that your life as a boy
14:12is over. He says that he has already
14:14spoken to a matchmaker about a second
14:16wife, a younger woman who, God willing,
14:19might give him what years of this
14:21arrangement never actually could, a real
14:24son.
14:25So, he commands you to start behaving
14:27like a proper lady immediately, and he
14:29never wants to hear the boy name he gave
14:31you spoken in this house again.
14:34You don't listen, as that same week you
14:37sneak out chasing the freedom you have
14:39always had.
14:41But, this time the street doesn't
14:42welcome you the way it used to.
14:45The boys you played with for years look
14:47uncomfortable when you approach them.
14:49You notice that they aren't sure about
14:51how they're supposed to relate with you.
14:53You immediately understand that your
14:55father must have informed their families
14:57of your new development.
14:59But, they aren't the only ones to
15:01change.
15:02Shopkeepers who once handed you dates
15:04without a second thought ask where your
15:06father is before they'll even speak to
15:08you.
15:09You don't reply, as you walk around the
15:11market hoping to find someone who still
15:13sees the boy you used to be.
15:16But, life has other plans, as while
15:19walking around the market, you run into
15:21one of your father's friends.
15:23Immediately when he sees you, he drags
15:25you straight to your father with a
15:27warning that he better get his daughter
15:29under control, or the neighborhood won't
15:31be responsible for whatever happens to a
15:33girl who wanders around unescorted.
15:36You expect your father to defend you, or
15:39at least ask if you're hurt. Instead,
15:42you watch him apologize and promise to
15:44discipline you.
15:46He keeps his promise, as that night your
15:49father hits you for the very first time.
15:51As the whip lands on your body, he
15:54shouts at you, asking how long you and
15:56your mother want to keep embarrassing
15:58him.
15:59You want to say something in reply, but
16:01the whip sting takes most of your
16:03attention.
16:05When he's done, he sends you to your
16:07room.
16:08There, you nurse your wounds in silence,
16:10as you try to process what just
16:12happened.
16:13Minutes later, your mother comes in with
16:15water and cloth.
16:17You understand that she's here to tend
16:19to your wounds, except she's crying
16:21before she even sits down.
16:23Before you can ask why she's crying, she
16:26tells you she's sorry, as this is all
16:29her fault.
16:30She tells you that she was the one who
16:32proposed making you a botch a posh in
16:34the first place years ago, and her
16:36reason was never really about giving you
16:38a better life. It was about delaying him
16:41from taking a second wife and buying
16:44herself time, as she believed that a
16:46botch a posh in the house would bring a
16:48real son along with it.
16:50Immediately, the conversation you ever
16:53heard as a child
16:55finally makes sense.
16:57You don't know what to say to her,
16:59so you say nothing at all.
17:02Over the months that follow, you can't
17:04become what your father wants you to be.
17:07You walk too fast through the market
17:08once, drawing stares. Another time you
17:11walk home from the mosque alone without
17:13waiting for your father.
17:15You're also caught more than once
17:16talking too loud, standing too straight,
17:19and existing the way you were trained to
17:22exist for years.
17:24Each time it happens, you get punished.
17:27You're even starved sometimes, as if
17:29hunger might finally teach your body
17:31what your mind refuses to learn.
17:34A year passes this way,
17:36>> [music]
17:36>> and you decide enough is enough.
17:39It probably also has something to do
17:41with the news that your father is ready
17:43to ship you off into marriage like he
17:45did your sisters.
17:46And while your sisters were happy or
17:48lukewarm about it, you resist it. As a
17:51former boy, you can't accept an even
17:54more confined life than you already
17:56have.
17:57So, with the realization that you have
17:59no future here,
18:01you decide to run [music] away.
18:03You aren't sure where,
18:04but you believe any other place is
18:07better than here.
18:08Whether it be the barbarian tribes that
18:10let [music] their women fight in battle,
18:12or the Safavid Empire, which let their
18:14women have an occupation.
18:16So, you use every trick your truant
18:19years ever taught you to sneak out of
18:21the house. You're out of the city before
18:24anyone in your house even notices your
18:26bed is empty.
18:27And although you know getting caught
18:29would include more punishment and an
18:31even faster route to marriage, you walk
18:33away from everything you've ever known.
18:35[music]
18:36Still,
18:37you're not certain of anything, really.
18:39Not whether the tribes will take in a
18:41girl who looks and speaks nothing like
18:43them.
18:44Not if you'll survive long enough to
18:46find out, or if any of this was wise.
18:49But for the first time in your life,
18:51the choice is entirely your own.
18:55And that to you
18:56is enough.

About this transcript

This page contains the full transcript of Why It Sucks to Be a Girl Raised as a Boy (in Ancient Afghanistan) by Bernard, generated from the public captions YouTube serves with the video. The transcript has 3,283 words across 536 segments, with the original timestamps preserved so you can click any line to jump to that moment in the embedded player.

What you can do with it

Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to choose a caption track available on the video.

Free YouTube transcript tool

YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, caption language selection, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.