Why I Left Demonolatry and Became a Thelemite — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Hi, my name is Vave. If you don't know
2. 0:01me, I'm a Hekatean witch, a pagan and
3. 0:03occultist, a Thelemite, and I love
4. 0:05talking all things magic and occultism
5. 0:07here and on other platforms as well. I
6. 0:10have not been on YouTube in a while.
7. 0:12It's been a couple of years, so if
8. 0:14you've been subscribed to me and you're
9. 0:17seeing me now, hi. I'm back. Sorry I
10. 0:20left for a while, and then if you're new
11. 0:22here, welcome.
12. 0:23So, today I really wanted to talk about
13. 0:26why I left demonolatry and became a
14. 0:28Thelemite because I have gotten a few
15. 0:30comments and a few DMs asking me that
16. 0:32question, and I just feel like it's
17. 0:34something that would be much better
18. 0:35served in the form of a long-form video
19. 0:38like this one and not like a TikTok or a
20. 0:40reel. And yeah, let's just get into it,
21. 0:43I guess. Here's why I left demonolatry
22. 0:45and became a Thelemite.
23. 0:48>> [music]
24. 0:59>> So, I got into demonolatry a few years
25. 1:01ago, and I that became kind of my main
26. 1:04thing for like maybe 2 years. So, I've
27. 1:08been a witch and a pagan for a long
28. 1:10time. It's been like a decade now. I
29. 1:12started when I was a kid, basically.
30. 1:14And I got into demonolatry later on
31. 1:17through S. Connolly's work, talking to
32. 1:19people about it online, just having a
33. 1:22real intrigue in it. I was really
34. 1:23intrigued in Lilith, and I know that
35. 1:26Lilith work is kind of controversial in
36. 1:28certain corners of the internet right
37. 1:30now, so that's kind of a topic that I
38. 1:33guess I'll tread lightly on, but that's
39. 1:35not really the topic of this video right
40. 1:36now. I don't worship Lilith anymore.
41. 1:39She's not a part of my practice, but at
42. 1:42the time, I do feel like that Lilith
43. 1:44energy helped me get out of a really
44. 1:47kind of toxic situation and begin to
45. 1:50build up my confidence in myself and
46. 1:53stand up for myself and kind of
47. 1:55step more into my power, especially as a
48. 1:58woman, you know? I feel like that energy
49. 2:01was really what I needed at the time
50. 2:02because I was very timid. I was overly
51. 2:06nice. I was overly I don't know what you
52. 2:08would call it, but I think you kind of
53. 2:10get the vibe. Like I was very timid. I
54. 2:11was overly nice. I wasn't really like
55. 2:14super confident in myself yet, and I
56. 2:16feel like Lilith kind of really helped
57. 2:17me grow up, basically. Like grow a set
58. 2:20of ovaries and actually be able to stand
59. 2:23up for myself and have a little more
60. 2:25confidence in myself. So, that's kind of
61. 2:27what drew me to demonolatry, and then I
62. 2:29discovered S. Connolly's work. I just
63. 2:31started reading books about demonolatry.
64. 2:33There wasn't that much information about
65. 2:35it online at that time. It's become a
66. 2:37lot more popular now, but I found what I
67. 2:39could, and I did really like the
68. 2:41techniques in the books. And honestly, I
69. 2:44don't have anything against demonolatry.
70. 2:47>> [music]
71. 2:47>> Honestly, maybe someday I will practice
72. 2:49it again. It's not like my worldview
73. 2:51shifted to the point where I was like,
74. 2:53"Oh, this is evil. Like I'm going
75. 2:54to go be a Thelemite." No. No, not at
76. 2:57all. I still think that a lot of the
77. 2:59time demons are misunderstood. I think
78. 3:03they're they've been demonized. You
79. 3:05know, for example, Baal is a really good
80. 3:07example of this, and there's so many
81. 3:09examples of this. Demons being demonized
82. 3:11through Christianization, demons who
83. 3:13were deemed evil just by virtue of
84. 3:16Christianization and kind of viewing
85. 3:18things from that theological lens. So, I
86. 3:21don't think demons are evil. I don't
87. 3:22think demonolatry is evil. I don't think
88. 3:25left hand path stuff is bad. I just
89. 3:27think it's not for me anymore, and it
90. 3:29doesn't serve me in my path the way that
91. 3:31it did back then. I think that little
92. 3:34timid Viv did need that kind of more
93. 3:37intense energy just to kind of grow up a
94. 3:40little bit. But once I got to that
95. 3:41point, things just started shifting
96. 3:43really organically. So, I didn't really
97. 3:45consciously like leave demonolatry and
98. 3:48become a Thelemite. I think things just
99. 3:50really shifted super organically. So, I
100. 3:52was aware of Thelema for a while. I had
101. 3:55online friends who were Thelemites. I
102. 3:56had watched some videos about it. I kind
103. 3:59of read a little bit about it. I hadn't
104. 4:01really read any Crowley's work while I
105. 4:03was into demonolatry.
106. 4:05So, it was just something that was kind
107. 4:07of in the back of my mind, but it wasn't
108. 4:09something that I really gained a huge
109. 4:10interest in until like a couple years
110. 4:13back from now. It It didn't actually
111. 4:14start with me reading, actually. It
112. 4:16didn't start with me reading Crowley's
113. 4:17work. I just started feeling a sort of
114. 4:20pull towards the symbolism in Thelema,
115. 4:23concepts, and the ideas. And then I read
116. 4:26Crowley. And the first book I read by
117. 4:28Crowley was
118. 4:30The Book of the Law, which shouldn't
119. 4:32really be the first book that you read
120. 4:33by Crowley, but it is for a lot of
121. 4:35people. And then Magic in Theory and
122. 4:36Practice. For most of us when we first
123. 4:38read The Book of the Law, we have no
124. 4:40idea what's going on. And then I read
125. 4:43Magic in Theory and Practice, and that
126. 4:45was really helpful for me.
127. 4:47I read it as a standalone, and then I'm
128. 4:49actually rereading it right now in Liber
129. 4:52ABA, or Book Four, or The Blue Brick.
130. 4:55It's back there on my bookshelf. What I
131. 4:57started doing Liber Resh every day, I
132. 4:59started doing ceremonial magic rituals,
133. 5:02like the basic ones for beginners, like
134. 5:04the LBRP. And I felt amazing. I felt
135. 5:08like I [music] just tapped into this
136. 5:10current, and it just felt like something
137. 5:12that I'd been searching for this whole
138. 5:15time. It was It was an incredible
139. 5:16feeling where I hadn't felt like that
140. 5:20since I first discovered witchcraft. And
141. 5:23I just felt like I really tapped into a
142. 5:24current, and I was really in flow with
143. 5:27everything, and I felt like I was really
144. 5:29aligned and on the right path. And I
145. 5:32just would like wake up excited about my
146. 5:34spiritual practice, you know, or just
147. 5:36like life in general, because your whole
148. 5:38life is your spiritual practice. I don't
149. 5:40like the idea of like taking your
150. 5:42spirituality and like putting in a box,
151. 5:44like this is my my mundane life, this is
152. 5:46my spiritual practice. Like, no, it's
153. 5:48all part of the same thing. And that's
154. 5:50kind of one of the things that Thelema
155. 5:51really helped me realize and integrate
156. 5:53into my life and into my practice. So, I
157. 5:55really organically grew into Thelema and
158. 5:57grew out of demonolatry. I also felt
159. 6:01really drawn to something that perhaps
160. 6:05was a little bit more of an established
161. 6:06tradition. And I'm not saying that
162. 6:09demonolatry isn't I don't know, but I do
163. 6:13know that, you know, like Asenath
164. 6:15Connolly in her books, she talks about
165. 6:17how demonolatry goes back like
166. 6:18generations and there's like secret
167. 6:19families that have practiced it and
168. 6:20stuff like that.
169. 6:22I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying
170. 6:24it's true. I'm not saying it's not true.
171. 6:25I am saying I didn't see like concrete
172. 6:28evidence for that just like how we don't
173. 6:30see concrete evidence for Gerald Gardner
174. 6:33being initiated into the coven that he
175. 6:35claimed to be initiated into before he
176. 6:37founded Wicca. But, with Thelema, I just
177. 6:40felt like it was very I don't want to
178. 6:42say cut and dry, but it was very like,
179. 6:45you know, you have the AA, you have the
180. 6:47OTO, Crowley was a part of the Golden
181. 6:49Dawn. These are all very
182. 6:50well-established and you know that they
183. 6:52exist, right? Like, I can go join these
184. 6:54organizations right now. Although, the
185. 6:57OTO now is not the same OTO as it was
186. 6:59during Crowley's time, but you get my
187. 7:01point. And I kind of felt drawn to that
188. 7:03sense of establishedness.
189. 7:06I loved the literature. Uh I loved
190. 7:09Crowley's writing. I loved the poetic
191. 7:11nature of the Book of the Law. I loved
192. 7:13something that I felt like challenged
193. 7:15me, that took me out of my comfort zone.
194. 7:18I loved learning rituals in Greek and in
195. 7:21Hebrew that I just felt like took me to
196. 7:24uh the next level with my magical
197. 7:26practice. Then, even exploring things
198. 7:28like the PGM, which isn't Thelemic, but
199. 7:31just more in the realm of other things
200. 7:33other than just like witchcraft and
201. 7:35demonolatry became really interesting to
202. 7:37me just cuz I felt like I really was
203. 7:39seeking more and and wanted more out of
204. 7:41my practice. Now, the really interesting
205. 7:44thing with this shift from demonolatry
206. 7:45to Thelema is that it perfectly,
207. 7:48when I tell you like freakishly
208. 7:50perfectly lined up with major changes in
209. 7:53my life. It's actually kind of crazy to
210. 7:55the point where I joke about like how
211. 7:57Thelema turned my life upside down but
212. 7:58like in the best way possible because it
213. 8:01was a tower moment that led me into
214. 8:03where I was supposed to be and into so
215. 8:06much of a better life than what I had at
216. 8:08the time and I'm so much happier and my
217. 8:11life feels so much fuller and like I'm
218. 8:13actually living and not struggling with
219. 8:16a bunch of stuff, right? And being
220. 8:17around the wrong person, the wrong
221. 8:19people, being in the wrong situation for
222. 8:22me. And so, around the time that I
223. 8:24started to get into Thelema, my life
224. 8:27kind of imploded and I realized how that
225. 8:30may sound scary and like I'm not I'm not
226. 8:33saying this to like discourage anyone
227. 8:35from becoming a Thelemite, but it was
228. 8:37needed. My life changed drastically. I
229. 8:40got out of a relationship, I moved, I
230. 8:43ended up switching jobs. Everything
231. 8:44changed. Literally anything you can
232. 8:46think of that changed freaking changed,
233. 8:49okay? It was a difficult period at the
234. 8:51time, obviously. I mean, you're going
235. 8:53through that darkness and that tunnel
236. 8:55where you're having to let go of so many
237. 8:57things. You're just facing the death of
238. 8:59so much, but these deaths were overdue.
239. 9:03Like in the death card in the tarot,
240. 9:05there's there's a sunrise behind it all,
241. 9:07right? It's not all doom and gloom. And
242. 9:09as a matter of fact, you're being
243. 9:11brought out onto the other side a better
244. 9:13person and you're being brought out onto
245. 9:15the other side a happier person because
246. 9:17life is just so much better. And I've
247. 9:20just had so many amazing experiences
248. 9:23since then and I've met so many amazing
249. 9:25people since then. I just feel like my
250. 9:27life is so much fuller.
251. 9:29And that brings me to another lesson
252. 9:31that Thelema imparted on me and that I
253. 9:33feel like really drew me to Thelema was
254. 9:35also the idea that you have to live your
255. 9:38life. You know, Thelema is a spiritual
256. 9:41path, but it's not all about being
257. 9:43cooped up and just like reading these
258. 9:45dusty books and meditating and then not
259. 9:48doing else with your life. That may
260. 9:49sound funny because, you know, for to
261. 9:51those of you who have heard of like the
262. 9:53Abramelin ritual and how you kind of
263. 9:55isolate yourself from society for this
264. 9:57ritual to meet your holy guardian angel
265. 9:59and all of that, but in general, I think
266. 10:02Thelema encourages us to live life to
267. 10:04the fullest and I mean, Crowley did
268. 10:06that, you know, we're not here to
269. 10:07emulate Crowley, but at the same time
270. 10:09when you look at his life, Crowley was a
271. 10:12mountaineer, Crowley was a poet, Crowley
272. 10:15was, I mean, of course, he was a writer
273. 10:17and he was one of the most influential
274. 10:20people ever in occult history, but even
275. 10:23outside of his role as an occultist and
276. 10:27as an occult teacher and as a magician,
277. 10:29he had a very multifaceted,
278. 10:32multi-layered life and he lived life to
279. 10:33the fullest. That man traveled to so
280. 10:35many different countries, that man broke
281. 10:38mountaineering records, that man wrote a
282. 10:40bunch of poetry, he was a an openly
283. 10:43bisexual man during Victorian times in
284. 10:47England where that was just absolutely
285. 10:49not acceptable. I mean, he lived as
286. 10:52authentically himself as he could, in my
287. 10:56opinion, and that is reflected in
288. 10:58Thelemic teachings, right? You are here
289. 11:01to enjoy life. That is something that
290. 11:04I've really integrated into my life
291. 11:06since then and I am so grateful for
292. 11:09that. I have a thriving social life. I
293. 11:13like to go out and have a good time and
294. 11:16I love to travel. I've always loved to
295. 11:17travel, but that that persists now and I
296. 11:21like to explore more hobbies than I used
297. 11:23to. I feel like I just really expanded
298. 11:26with what I do and I feel like Thelema
299. 11:28really helped me get to that point. You
300. 11:30know, demonolatry helped me in ways that
301. 11:32I needed at that point in my life, but
302. 11:34once I had that, Thelema just really
303. 11:36brought me to a place where the joys in
304. 11:39my life were able to multiply. And I was
305. 11:42just able to truly live my life to the
306. 11:45fullest. That's something I live by now.
307. 11:47If I'm to do anything, it's I'm going to
308. 11:49have a good time, but intentionally, of
309. 11:51course. The I mean, we have to cherish
310. 11:53our time on this Earth, right? Life is
311. 11:55meant to be lived. Life is meant to be
312. 11:56beautiful. I guess I'll talk a little
313. 11:58bit about generally how my practice has
314. 12:01evolved since I stopped
315. 12:04uploading on YouTube cuz my life
316. 12:06imploded like 2 years ago. I am still a
317. 12:08witch. I think I'll always identify as a
318. 12:10witch. I was a witch back then. I'm a
319. 12:12witch now. I was a pagan back then. I'm
320. 12:14a pagan now. I think those two things
321. 12:16are not things that are going to change.
322. 12:18Those are things that are very deeply
323. 12:19ingrained in me as a person and deeply
324. 12:21ingrained in my practice. They're just
325. 12:23pillars that I stand on. And of course,
326. 12:25I still read tarot. I do offer tarot
327. 12:28readings now. I do have like all my
328. 12:30links down below. So, if you'd like a
329. 12:31tarot reading, please get one. It means
330. 12:33so much to me and it's a great way to
331. 12:35support me. But anyway, I do still read
332. 12:37tarot. My work with Hecate has only
333. 12:39deepened. So, I do also identify as a
334. 12:42Hecatean witch. I continue to worship
335. 12:44Hecate and Cernunnos. So, none of that
336. 12:48has gone away. I also still worship
337. 12:50Aphrodite. I didn't really talk about
338. 12:52her much or really I don't think at all
339. 12:53on my channel back when I was posting,
340. 12:56although I would like to now, but I have
341. 12:58been worshipping Aphrodite for a while
342. 13:00including back then was posting. I have
343. 13:02felt a calling to learn more about the
344. 13:05Egyptian pantheon and of course, that
345. 13:06kind of correlates with Thelema. Thelema
346. 13:09is not Egyptian paganism. It's not
347. 13:11Kemeticism. It's not any kind of
348. 13:13reconstruction like that, but of course,
349. 13:15there's a lot of Egyptian imagery. And I
350. 13:17have felt drawn to ancient Egypt since I
351. 13:20was a little kid. So, when I was a
352. 13:22little kid, my dad would take me to this
353. 13:24museum in Britain. That's where I was
354. 13:26born, and there was an a super immersive
355. 13:29like ancient Egypt section and I would
356. 13:32literally spend hours in that little
357. 13:35area. So, I've always been fascinated by
358. 13:38it. So, it's just kind of now that I
359. 13:39have the space for it, I'm learning more
360. 13:42about that and I'm just kind of being
361. 13:43brought more to that and had a lot of
362. 13:45interest in the goddess Isis or Auset.
363. 13:48I've been learning about her. My
364. 13:50practice it has shifted and of course
365. 13:52the whole Thelema thing that we just
366. 13:53spent like 10 15 minutes talking about,
367. 13:55but I think that my practice has shifted
368. 13:58in a way that really aligns with my life
369. 14:01and my needs right now. I'm really
370. 14:04loving the ideas that have been
371. 14:06presented to me as I've been learning
372. 14:08about Thelema, true will, how to
373. 14:10approach life and [music] how that's
374. 14:12different for everybody. So, it's not I
375. 14:15guess how to is the wrong word because
376. 14:16it's so individualistic and recognizes
377. 14:19everyone's journey is different, which I
378. 14:20think is a beautiful thing. And just
379. 14:23learning about ceremonial magic in
380. 14:24general and the Kabbalah, the Golden
381. 14:27Dawn, and all of these beautiful
382. 14:29influences and how they all mesh
383. 14:31together and just really delving deep
384. 14:34intellectually into these things and
385. 14:36like the Tarot and how all of that
386. 14:39connects. My research into that has been
387. 14:41super fascinating and I've really been
388. 14:42enjoying it. So, I've been loving
389. 14:45learning more about ceremonial magic
390. 14:47because I feel like it does challenge me
391. 14:48and it does help me delve deeper. I
392. 14:51especially love learning about the
393. 14:52history and then like connecting that
394. 14:54with my practice and also like
395. 14:55historical practices again like PGM
396. 14:57stuff. Super fascinating. The older
397. 15:00grimoires I find super fascinating.
398. 15:02That's kind of where my practice has
399. 15:03been at. A rundown on why I left
400. 15:06demonolatry, where I'm at now, why I
401. 15:09came to Thelema, what really drew me to
402. 15:10Thelema. I do identify as a Thelemite
403. 15:13now as well on top of everything else.
404. 15:16And right now I am solitary, but I have
405. 15:19gone to an event by my local OTO branch.
406. 15:22I definitely plan on going to more stuff
407. 15:24with them soon. Seeing how I fit in,
408. 15:26seeing how I feel, and you know, maybe
409. 15:28something will come of that, but you
410. 15:29know, I do have a little community
411. 15:31online as well of people that I talk to
412. 15:33and who I really enjoy talking to as
413. 15:34well in that space. So, it's been really
414. 15:36great. I have been reading about it. I
415. 15:38have been practicing. I've been
416. 15:40practicing Liber Resh every day. I've
417. 15:41been doing the Star Ruby. I've been
418. 15:44learning all kinds of stuff, doing other
419. 15:46kinds of rituals as well, and just kind
420. 15:47of really figuring out my place in this
421. 15:50paradigm and just delving deep and
422. 15:52exploring it. You will see me talk about
423. 15:54Thelema more on this channel, but I
424. 15:56don't feel I'm at a point right now
425. 15:57where I can actually teach it. So, it
426. 15:59will come more as someone who is
427. 16:01experiencing it rather than someone who
428. 16:03feels they are qualified to teach it.
429. 16:06So, that's that. I will be making more
430. 16:08videos coming up in the future. This
431. 16:11isn't just like a one-time thing. I love
432. 16:13just like yapping to a camera. I do miss
433. 16:16the community on here and I do miss
434. 16:18posting on here and the the satisfaction
435. 16:20of putting together and making a YouTube
436. 16:23video. So, there will be more coming. If
437. 16:25you don't know me again, I'm Viv. I do
438. 16:28offer tarot readings and I have a
439. 16:29Patreon. I'm on Instagram, on TikTok.
440. 16:32I'm very active on those platforms and I
441. 16:34have a Substack now as well. So, you can
442. 16:36see check all of that out at the bottom.
443. 16:40Check all my links out and I will talk
444. 16:42to you guys next time. If you made it
445. 16:45all the way to the end of the video,
446. 16:46thank you so much. I love you and may
447. 16:49the gods bless you.
448. 16:51Bye.
449. 16:53>> [music]
450. 17:09[music]