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Why Erin Pizzey Founded The First Women's Shelter | Outtakes from "The Red Pill" — Transcript

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0:05[Music]
0:14it was a Tuesday funny actually some of
0:16it
0:17I'm always remember this one time when
0:19now the women in Bristol the feminist
0:21women in Bristol decided that they
0:22wanted the National Health to pay for
0:24all their sanitary tarts and things so
0:27they had this big March at Bristol
0:30waiving sanitary towels and Tampax and
0:33things that didn't help but I didn't
0:39like any I think to go back to it could
0:43to those early days to me I was quite
0:49cynical about it because what I could
0:50see from what had happened to me in the
0:52women's movement is that the extremists
0:55had really chased off women who would
0:57see themselves as normal with with the
1:00right attitude towards yes we have a
1:02right to equality and yes we have a
1:03right to demonstrate for it and I would
1:06still do that today but what most women
1:08didn't want was the idea that marriage
1:11because the disruption of marriage is
1:13one of the key points of what was
1:15happening in the radical feminist
1:16movement in it they were Marxists apart
1:18for anything else you know and so far as
1:21they were concerned the new mood in in
1:24the refugees were it was going to be
1:26that no men could work in refuges and
1:28cart today they can't sit on the boards
1:30boys over nine or possibly twelve can't
1:33go into refuges or you call them
1:34shelters their mothers have to make
1:36other arrangements for them which I find
1:38shocking and it ring fenced money
1:43because the only money available now
1:46which which it became over the years
1:49it's a billion-dollar industry you don't
1:50only have the shelters you also have the
1:54overview which is I've forgotten what
1:56they call them now but they have it's an
2:00enormous industry I mean violence
2:02against women they get something like
2:05was a billion and over
2:07and an awful lot of that goes on really
2:11supposedly rehabilitating men but
2:13essentially punishing them with
2:15something is called a Duluth model
2:18that's like Harry was telling me about
2:20today that I haven't heard a lot about
2:23that before the Duluth model was was
2:25that because Minnesota where it was
2:27designed and essentially before a man
2:29can he has to apologize for being a man
2:32because behind the radical feminist
2:35ideology is that all men of potential
2:37batteries and rapists
2:40because it's the patriarchy it's the Y
2:42chromosome and one of the saddest parts
2:46of all this is from from my point of
2:48view is seeing both the children coming
2:52in and the terrible damage that's done
2:54to both boys and girls the idea that you
2:57can actually say that only boys are
3:00affected by domestic violence is
3:01actually ludicrous our girls
3:05well basically know they as far as the
3:08radical feminist movement are concerned
3:10and the refuge movements concerned it's
3:13it's the boys who are going to be
3:16potentially the perpetrators and girls
3:18who are going to be the victims but of
3:19course that's rubbish in fact of course
3:22both boys and girls are affected and
3:24each child will actually what I call
3:26strategies for survival
3:27well I mean my my family my brother went
3:32on to become physically violent but
3:34fortunately he was a very good father to
3:36his son he's dead now he died young but
3:39he was violent my sister was what I call
3:42she she was the hibernator she had all
3:46that migraines and the awful asthma's
3:48and Xmas you know as her body simply
3:51couldn't cope with what was going on I
3:53was the dremel in high I was the
3:55protector I was the eldest of the twins
3:58and I could cut I could cope with my
4:00father I was frightened of him but I
4:02knew how to deal with him it was my
4:05mother because I was much more like my
4:07father who could never actually accept
4:10me as a daughter so and was physically
4:13very violent to me so I was when the
4:15children started coming in I realized
4:17that much of the work
4:19we did was to actually work directly
4:21with the children and with their mothers
4:23some of her mothers and of course you
4:25have to remember at time as we had
4:28prostitutes coming in because they were
4:29running from their parents
4:31we didn't discriminate it was a place
4:33for women and children or women without
4:35children but you came and the purpose of
4:38coming it was a big therapeutic
4:39community and the purpose of coming was
4:43actually being able to heal yourself
4:45because I used to say you know if you a
4:47violent relationship there's like a
4:49catastrophic car accident and if you're
4:53in a car accident you go into intensive
4:55care but if you're coming out a
4:57catastrophic the violent relationship
4:59you need intensive care because it's
5:02some women who've been in that for 40
5:05years
5:05it takes a years to undo some of that
5:07damage and to the children because when
5:10she does come not a Shoni left what's
5:12happened to her but she suddenly left
5:14with very very damaged kids who need a
5:17lot of a lot of therapy and health so
5:19what we did what we devote and because
5:22essentially in the beginning I had no
5:24money at all so I the the project grew
5:27with me and my moms and we all decided
5:29together what was needed and very
5:31quickly on because the mothers were
5:34coming in they were leaving their areas
5:36they had no rights to housing so there
5:39were going to be in this big house at
5:41nine rooms sometimes there were a
5:43hundred mothers and children if you can
5:45imagine it was rough but I used to keep
5:49saying to the health department if you
5:51were running for your life where would
5:53you choose to go would you choose to go
5:55to a room and shut the door behind which
5:58you will sit with your children or would
6:00you choose to go to a dormitory we are
6:02surrounded by other mothers and children
6:04and I can promise you if you're running
6:07from somebody you seriously believe is
6:09gonna kill you you go for where the
6:10crowd is because it's safer and it is
6:13safer actually so that's what was
6:16happening and so in the end I had to
6:18make a decision I could either get
6:20involved with all the politics of the
6:22refuge which was moving very fast or I
6:27could concentrate on working
6:29in my refuge with the mothers and the
6:30kids and that's what I chose to do I to
6:34me the most important thing was to
6:36mother the mothers so they could mother
6:38their children and in a way it's
6:40probably me saying to myself if somebody
6:43mother my mother maybe this isn't what
6:46would have happened to us and it's very
6:48true because no one gives you a second
6:50chance you know if a father is a bad
6:53father will society accepts that but if
6:56you are deemed a bad mother you are you
6:59were absolutely demonized as far as I'm
7:02concerned and yes a lot of the mothers I
7:05mean I remember when I was first handed
7:08my daughter I had no mothering
7:09experiences my mother I don't ever
7:11remember her touching us kissing us
7:13cuddling us none of it so so what do you
7:17do who's going to teach you there isn't
7:19anybody to teach you we don't have you
7:22know anymore big extended families we
7:25just have these nuclear families and
7:27most women particularly when they're
7:30single-parent mothers have to make it up
7:31as they go along and parenting is one of
7:35the most complicated skills anyone is
7:37that possible to practice as far as I'm
7:42concerned so gathering may you do have I
7:46mean a tremendous amount of passion for
7:49women and mothers absolutely yes I did
7:52and although almost immediately I
7:55recognized there was a need for men deaf
7:56refuges and I did get a lovely house in
8:01the north of London so we were down in
8:02the west of lances up in the north and
8:04it was a peppercorn rent and so
8:07everything was going and I assumed like
8:09I did with Chizik refuge that men would
8:12come and we would show them the refuge
8:15say this is yours you can get together
8:17and organize just like the mothers did
8:19because I had never thought oh dear we
8:22have to have stop or why just because
8:24you've had a violent relationship
8:25doesn't mean that you can't take care of
8:27yourself and your kids and what and work
8:29see women will do that we automatically
8:32will actually take care we automatically
8:34talk to each other share with each other
8:37didn't work for the men's house I
8:40static that Nikki what have I done did I
8:43remember them about five men and they
8:45all took over a row means shut the door
8:48didn't come out and when they did come
8:49up they said one who's going to do this
8:51or do it was good and I said well nobody
8:53you're going to have to look after each
8:54other and like with our mothers we all
8:58did our own decorating in the house
8:59whatever happened we mean you had to do
9:01it we taught each other actually not the
9:04mainland it was completely different and
9:06I realized then that men were going to
9:09have a problem because essentially and
9:11I've said this to so many Menace groups
9:13if I asked you to put a business plan
9:16together and build me a bridge no
9:18problem but if I asked you to take care
9:21of each other emotionally and look after
9:22each other you don't know how to do it
9:24and they don't and the other thing that
9:27was bitterly upsetting is I had two
9:30millionaires who actually put money into
9:32the refuge one was David Astor who
9:34became my chairman and the other was a
9:37man called Neville Vincent who owned a
9:39huge building firm they would put their
9:43hands in the pockets their friends would
9:44put their hands in the pockets but when
9:46I presented them with this project so
9:49that men would also be parented and
9:52fathered so they could be know how to be
9:54fathers they wouldn't give me a penny
9:57and this is the position now isn't it
10:00there's nothing for me yeah very few
10:02roughly refuge facilities for men men
10:05are really in a sense not even
10:08considered and politically I mean I
10:11don't know what happening in America but
10:13I do know that one of our women's
10:15minister Harriet Harman it was 1990 when
10:18she actually stood up and said in a
10:20policy paper the new unit now I was
10:23going to be women and children and
10:25another women's ministers said well of
10:28course we do need men in our primary
10:30schools but of course we men can't be
10:33trusted unfortunately and these are
10:36things that are being said and there's
10:38no one's challenging them so over the
10:42time in the period of time I could see
10:44it getting more and more contentious and
10:49for me the tragedy has always been I
10:52have always said that generational is
10:55generational violence is the problem it
10:57isn't what happens in the streets that
10:59seeps into the home it happens into the
11:02home and then it moves into the streets
11:04and nobody would listen because we had
11:07this model of the of the patriarchy it
11:10is what men do to women and phrases like
11:13all women are innocent victims of men's
11:16violence so whatever she does she's
11:19evicting and if you say yeah but she
11:22stuck a knife in him that self-defense
11:24no it wasn't self-defense actually he
11:26was leaving her for another woman in
11:27this case and she killed him she got off
11:30you see I think the tragedy is this the
11:35damage has been going on for 40 years
11:37because no one's really challenged it
11:38there is no challenging because in his
11:41essence there is the feminist movement
11:44the radical feminist movement
11:45particularly in this country is
11:46intolerable to anybody
11:48nobody knows where all the money goes
11:50there is no there is no research on what
11:53has been happening because one of them I
11:56remember one of the biggest moments for
11:58me was as a child I felt deeply
12:01resentful that my mother wouldn't leave
12:03but she didn't have any excuses she
12:05could have left at any time and a lot of
12:08the children coming to the refuge felt
12:09the same way and I remember a very angry
12:13social worker first time actually
12:15brought this woman in and said I don't
12:17know why I'm bringing her here she'll
12:19just go back she always goes back
12:21whatever I arranged for her she goes
12:22back and I said to her well maybe we're
12:27not asking the right questions what is
12:29it that draws her back again and again
12:31and then I realized because I was taking
12:35in hundreds of women and children I have
12:37to explain that we decided quite early
12:40on that as our mothers and children
12:42couldn't get rehoused do you have
12:44squatting in this country right
12:47squatting is when you can take over you
12:49can't no it's only just been met made it
12:51was a civil offense you can take over
12:53empty buildings if you get yourself into
12:56that empty bill
12:57you put a notice on the front door which
12:59as I have spotted this building then
13:01it's a civil offense and whoever the
13:03building belongs to has to take him to
13:05court so I decided what we would do is
13:08that we would use only houses that had
13:11been renovated by the various burrows
13:13and left empty but we take big houses
13:17I'll give you an example in Richmond
13:19which was the next-door borough to
13:21Hounslow we had there's a huge Hotel had
13:24been empty for 15 years was called the
13:27Palmer Court Hotel and it had I think it
13:31was something like 38 private little
13:33Suites on the top floor and it was
13:36fairly derelict well one night we moved
13:3878 mothers and children in there and
13:40took it
13:41now I banked on the fact that Richmond
13:44council were not going to want to evict
13:47Andry house all those families so we
13:50eventually only were the biggest
13:52squatting agency in England our mothers
13:54and children we had property everywhere
13:57these were all houses that have been
13:59many cases done up beautifully but just
14:01left empty because the borough's didn't
14:03get there bureaucracy together so
14:04anybody coming to us we had Roma streets
14:07of them and we also had a very good
14:10project it was called we people in the
14:1317th there was a lot of unemployment so
14:15we had men who were plumbers and in
14:18trains burn and they would work
14:19alongside our teenage boys and some of
14:22our mothers and renovate all our
14:23properties as we moved along so I can
14:27see why it was such a huge menace as far
14:32as the establishment was concerned
14:33because we would go to court if we went
14:36to court everybody would go to court the
14:38whole refuge with the children and it's
14:40a public building so we're allowed to go
14:42there and we would pick it and we would
14:45those days number 10 there was no gates
14:48so we would turn up anytime anybody
14:51would read The Times they have a look at
14:52who was visiting whichever prime
14:53minister it was and then we particularly
14:56did Commonwealth visitors because we
15:00thought that they would be horrified
15:02because we'd all arrived we had a bus
15:04we'd all arrive stand the end of it with
15:07all our pickets
15:08battered women need refuge and and the
15:12children would run up and down to number
15:1310 putting letters through the door and
15:15then of course whoever was coming
15:17through our picket would actually
15:19hopefully say to the prime minister
15:21what's happening here so yes we were a
15:24very very radical group hold on one
15:28second how are you doing I want to check
15:31on the card
15:42this is fascinating to me because you
15:46know I did a little googling before
15:48meeting you and there's so much
15:52misinformation about you that you're a
15:54woman hater and and all of the work that
15:58you've done for women I know I know
16:01I did god we've got very violent I mean
16:03I got I mean I got to a point when I was
16:06anytime I tried to speak there'll be big
16:08bigots
16:09outside and screaming and yelling at me
16:11and I'm working one of the pickets just
16:14standing there I'm saying to one of
16:15these women that was screaming at me
16:17don't you realize that you're in a
16:19refuge because of the work I've done but
16:21it didn't get anywhere I was just this
16:23hate figure and it was very difficult
16:28and I came over here right early on I
16:32was asked to come over and I to help
16:36starting chips shelters and I knew the
16:39same problem was going to be here as the
16:41shelter's open but I was in a dilemma I
16:43wasn't going to speak out against
16:47radical feminists women who I knew were
16:50only going to use the shoulders as
16:51hostels and in many cases as bunkers for
16:54brainwashing women that men were all men
16:57were dangerous and that was one of the
16:59things that I felt was it was so
17:03devastating that that that because any
17:07refuge or shelter was better than no
17:10shelter but I could see as the group's
17:12because there was big money in it and
17:14everybody was in being was a cult title
17:1623 or something would I just remember
17:18that all rising up all these these
17:20things from afar for funding and the
17:23thing you often good go to a shelter or
17:26you can go to one in England and you
17:28find they have offices in the center of
17:30town and you see seven or eight women
17:33working there and if you go visit the
17:34shelter be lucky if there's three women
17:36and children in that shelter it has been
17:39very very seriously abused and the
17:41concept that it is all men who are
17:44brutally violent to women was always
17:46wrong it isn't true
17:47and it's a generational problem and once
17:51we start
17:52seriously accepting that's a
17:55generational problem then we can stop
17:57doing what we're doing now which is to
17:59punish particularly men who have come
18:03from me I say so many times people were
18:06sitting saw over a child that say a boy
18:08child who has been horribly abused and
18:11died as a result of the family violence
18:13if and when that man boy grew up to be a
18:16man and a monster everybody would hate
18:19him and I did I'm now remember the cases
18:22where this happened one of my men his
18:26mother was a prostitute
18:27and-and-and and left in the end and he
18:29was with his father who sodomized him
18:31regularly and eventually at 13 he was
18:34put in a children's home and he
18:36strangled a boy of 11 he was even making
18:39a pass at them in the bushes and then he
18:42went to jail and it was a horrible
18:44horrible case and people would say he
18:49was a monster yes his behavior was
18:51monstrous and he did molest his children
18:53but why didn't we do something in the
18:57beginning rather than have to wait until
18:59this was happening at the end and we've
19:02now got a situation which I find I don't
19:05know how we can move it on it's
19:08important to me that we stop this men
19:11hating women and women hating men and
19:13men with giving figures for women and
19:14women giving thing it's not about that
19:17it really isn't it's about they now know
19:20that within the womb babies are affected
19:23every cigarette you smoke the baby
19:25Smurfs every drink you take the baby
19:28drinks the chemicals of Rage fear and
19:31violence the baby experiences babies
19:33born damaged and we don't educate
19:37because no one's looking at this there
19:40are people working in the field and now
19:42that we have MRI scan MRI scans they can
19:45actually see in young children the brain
19:48damage and
19:48nerves when the child is marinated in
19:52violence and exposed to toxic violent
19:55behavior and the other thing they're
19:57looking at is how when babies young
20:00children are physically abused and
20:02sexually abused the pain and pleasure
20:05centers cross and thereafter there can
20:08become an adult that looks for pleasure
20:10through pain and it's so serious this
20:14and we're wasting time with what we're
20:17doing
20:17it isn't about a gender war there never
20:22was a gender war it's about generational
20:25violence that nobody wanted to look at
20:27and we have to because if we don't
20:30merica locks up more men than any place
20:33in the world and you'll keep doing that
20:35unless you're willing to actually stop
20:37what you're doing and begin at the
20:39beginning so what's the answer
20:44begin at the beginning except it's
20:46generational violence except that we
20:49need to think of completely changing our
20:52attitude to domestic violence and once
20:55we do then we can begin at the beginning
20:58and help the children who are born into
21:00these situations and also if I keep
21:03saying think I'm most mind is that I
21:06know that it's because I've done it for
21:08years
21:09if you mother the mother and father as
21:13well that I've talked about women now
21:14because most of them and I deal with the
21:15single-parent mothers what they do now
21:17here as well as in England if you
21:20becomes a single parent mother and she's
21:22considered inadequate or in any way not
21:24fit there's no place for her to go
21:27they'll take her children away that's
21:30what they do and then they she'll
21:32replace them that's what goes on what
21:35they won't do is what I saw all those
21:37years ago and did is to have where I
21:41called mother the mother situations were
21:44coming into the crisis refuge there many
21:46of the women shared in big houses shared
21:48accommodation so instead of being
21:50plunked out into some little place by
21:55herself with her children she actually
21:56has she chooses her friends they move
21:58they create a commune
22:00then when she feels ready she can then
22:03move on and that seeds another community
22:06and that way a woman isn't left totally
22:09exposed lonely and isolated which is
22:12what happens and it's it's a simple
22:16program and it doesn't actually cost
22:17very much but it works but we don't
22:21allow him there are few usually there
22:24are few places for women who suffer from
22:26postnatal depression they'll be taken in
22:28but it's in a very hostile in a hospital
22:32situation but what we need here is is
22:36parenting and mothering the mother so
22:38she can mother her children and involves
22:41father's as well of course but we don't
22:44do that
22:44there's no second chance thinking so
22:51many things where to go with this so how
22:55does this relate to men if this is if
22:59this is you can just cost dad to be
23:01quietly yep
23:06okay let's pause one second yeah and
23:10they're supportive of no he does he fund
23:20a well you can imagine it was very
23:23shocking for normal people to come to a
23:26place where as far as they could see it
23:29it was utter chaos because you had women
23:32pouring in through that door the door
23:34was open day and night and you had one
23:37you know sit and as soon as you we have
23:4028 mothers and children in a big house
23:42somewhere another 28 come in with
23:45children and it was a rough place
23:47because part for anything else once you
23:50cleaned up some of the families and you
23:51got rid of the nits and the scabies and
23:53all this sort of thing another family
23:55would come in
23:56would get reinfected together who knows
23:58it was it was tough but it from so many
24:01of them women going through they call it
24:04their golden years because that coming
24:06from that kind of violence and abuse to
24:09suddenly find a place where people loved
24:11you and they loved your kiss and you
24:14could make friends because you don't
24:15make friends if you're with a violent I
24:17don't know because they won't have it
24:19and suddenly you begin to fight me
24:21excite watching people that watching
24:24plants grow it was wonderful
24:26to see somebody come in who had always
24:28been steeped in violence who had never
24:32had any sense of self so it would accept
24:35the first man that came into like
24:36whatever he did suddenly beginning to
24:39get her sense of self no it was the most
24:43marvelous thing and now of course it's
24:45lovely because I know a lot of the
24:46children who are now in their 40s
24:48I saw one yesterday who lives here she
24:51came to see me you must feel like you're
24:55a mother to so many yeah see from the
25:00very beginning there was this feeling of
25:02that there needs we need to make sure
25:06that Ben are also taken care of but for
25:09a long time I just didn't have the time
25:11I was flat out with her mothers and
25:14children and I did try with the men's
25:17house and I also spent a lot of time
25:19with men's groups and what I did when
25:21the men's house failed is there was a
25:24very good woman who organized a charity
25:26shops which you have here and it was
25:29called men's Aid and the idea was with
25:32the money we made from the charity shops
25:34that money went directly to employing
25:36people to see all the men who wanted our
25:39help and men who were innocent victims
25:41of their partner's violence so we always
25:43had this branch of what we were doing
25:45was recognized that men needed but from
25:50the problem is that as the years went by
25:52and we're talking about 40 years ago the
25:56women who were very radical and now and
25:57very powerful positions across the world
26:00it's over here and and certainly in the
26:04world
26:05almost every less global now and they're
26:07going to make sure that as far as
26:09they're concerned men are not going to
26:11have any kind a voice in this which is
26:14why that I tried so hard I came to
26:16Canada about ten years ago with the
26:19senator and kuehl's and we did a whole
26:22tour of Canada looking at the situation
26:25and talking to all the men as groups
26:27that we could visit right the way across
26:28to Vancouver and Canada was really
26:33frightening actually it is it is more
26:35anti-male than any country I've ever
26:37visited it's it's it's horrifying in
26:41many ways and so I came back to England
26:47and then tried to make these connections
26:49and I would go to Slovenia and I went to
26:52Bermuda interesting though to a men's
26:54group they're always trying to actually
26:57get the men to understand that they
26:59needed to actually move together to get
27:02anything to change because you get these
27:04different tiny men's groups but but
27:06nothing like the networks that women do
27:08and that's when I came across online a
27:12voice for men and for me that was when I
27:15became an MRA because I had something
27:18that I could believe in and Paul and
27:20Dean and the men and the women who
27:22worked there I mean it's not it's not
27:24just men it's also for women as well to
27:27me suddenly opened up the possibility of
27:29a world where we can make real changes
27:32to this and that's where I am at this
27:35moment
27:36what I want I'm 74 now before I died is
27:41to see that this wall as gender war is
27:44ended and that we go back to the truth
27:47and the truth has always been it is
27:49generational violence with children from
27:51parents to children and on and on and
27:54this is where we need to be doing the
27:56world
27:59you
28:04[Music]

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