"Why Doesn't Anything New Ever Actually Fix This?" — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00When I need advice, I'll be real with
2. 0:02you. Like everybody here, you know,
3. 0:04everybody who's listening to this, like
4. 0:05being vulnerable, right? You know, with
5. 0:06other people is tough. And there's I
6. 0:09think there's some reasonable reasons
7. 0:10why. One is like you don't want to be a
8. 0:12burden to somebody else. Number two is
9. 0:13like you don't want to be that person
10. 0:14who always just like emotionally dumps
11. 0:15on others. Like that's not good. And at
12. 0:17the same time, like if you're going
13. 0:19through hard stuff, especially if it's
14. 0:20related to other people, people don't
15. 0:22forget the hard thing that you're
16. 0:23dealing with with somebody else. And so
17. 0:25you might end up getting out of that and
18. 0:26forgiving the person or whatever, but
19. 0:27the person you tell will always remember
20. 0:29it. And sometimes it's difficult. So
21. 0:30like let's say you have an issue with
22. 0:31your your spouse. Who do you tell,
23. 0:34right? Do you want to tell your homies?
24. 0:35I don't know. That feels a little bit of
25. 0:36a breach of of kind of like the the
26. 0:38marriage, you know, the the marital
27. 0:40covenant. You're not going to tell your
28. 0:41employees, right? You don't want to tell
29. 0:43your family cuz then they're going to
30. 0:44start they're going to see your your
31. 0:45your your your husband or your your wife
32. 0:46differently. So who do you tell? Cuz you
33. 0:48could tell a therapist, but maybe you
34. 0:49don't want to do therapy cuz you don't
35. 0:50like it. Who do you tell? Who do you get
36. 0:52advice from?
37. 0:53So I'll give you who I think about this
38. 0:55and you know, unfortunately, the more
39. 0:57status you accrue, the more valuable
40. 1:00dirt on you is. If you're going through
41. 1:02a hard time, the more people will want
42. 1:04to gain that information to use it to
43. 1:07their own advantage.
44. 1:09And so it actually makes it even
45. 1:10lonelier. I use
46. 1:13Solomon frame as my way of getting the
47. 1:17therapy that I think is helpful. The
48. 1:20reason I call it Solomon is because
49. 1:21there's a thing called the Solomon
50. 1:22paradox, which is there's a human
51. 1:24tendency to be better at offering wise
52. 1:26advice to others than it is to apply
53. 1:28that same wisdom to our own situation or
54. 1:30own lives. They call it the Solomon
55. 1:32paradox because Solomon was this big
56. 1:33wise guy, but he actually his life was a
57. 1:35bit of a mess. It's almost like Merlin
58. 1:36could see the future for everyone except
59. 1:38for himself. The way that I use this is
60. 1:41I think I want to imagine talking to my
61. 1:4385-year-old incredibly wise self, or at
62. 1:45least wiser than I am now. And I ask him
63. 1:48what he thinks I should do. And what's
64. 1:49weird is it takes you out of your
65. 1:51current frame and puts you in this other
66. 1:52frame, and you become more objective
67. 1:56about your current situation. I actually
68. 1:57had a a conversation with a business
69. 1:59owner who's out here in Vegas at one of
70. 2:01our advisory practice events.
71. 2:03And
72. 2:04she said, "I've got all these
73. 2:06businesses, not really sure what I
74. 2:07should do, blah blah blah." And she
75. 2:09happened to have like a business academy
76. 2:10as one of her businesses. And I said,
77. 2:12"Let me reverse the tables on you." I
78. 2:13said, "Let me pretend to be a business
79. 2:15owner and I'm going to say back to you
80. 2:17everything you just said. What do you
81. 2:18think you should do?" She's like, "Well,
82. 2:19yeah, I mean, it's obvious when you
83. 2:20think about it like that." I'm like,
84. 2:21"Right, it's obvious. It's only
85. 2:23difficult for us because our judgment is
86. 2:25clouded by our emotions because we have
87. 2:27emotional context. We have emotional
88. 2:29ties to the people or the situations or
89. 2:31the investments. You can be like more
90. 2:33logical decision-making is a good thing.
91. 2:35By pulling out and thinking about your
92. 2:3785-year-old self, you are able to be
93. 2:39less emotional about the current
94. 2:40situation without sacrificing any kind
95. 2:43of confidentiality cuz it's still you
96. 2:45talking to you. You don't have to waste
97. 2:47any time giving context. Or, and let's
98. 2:49be real, if you know how to persuade
99. 2:51people, you can jade your data that you
100. 2:55give to somebody else so that they give
101. 2:57you the answer that you want
102. 2:59rather than giving them the whole
103. 3:00picture, which you might be embarrassed
104. 3:02to share. In my opinion, this framework
105. 3:05of having these conversations, and to be
106. 3:06fair, I don't do it all the time. I do
107. 3:07it when I need it. If I'm like, "Man, I
108. 3:09got to work through this." I just have
109. 3:10this little chat that I open up and I
110. 3:12just start writing through like a a DM
111. 3:14to me in the future. And I literally
112. 3:16just hit, you know, enter space, enter
113. 3:17space.
114. 3:18Um and that includes me mocking my
115. 3:20younger self, uh which I do frequently,
116. 3:23or at least my 85-year-old self does. In
117. 3:24my opinion, it has been more helpful
118. 3:26than therapy because you have all the
119. 3:27context. This has helped me make
120. 3:29significantly better choices when I feel
121. 3:30like I have emotionality that could be
122. 3:33affecting me.