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Why Are 63% of Young Men Single? — Transcript

by Kait Willett · 6,792 words · 1,086 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:0063% of men in the United States are
0:02single in comparison to 34% of their
0:05female counterparts and it's not just
0:07relationships men aren't really having
0:09sex altogether in a study conducted on
0:12males ages 18 to 24 sexual inactivity
0:15increased from 19 to 31% between the
0:19years of 2002 and 2018 but before I get
0:22into the six points as to why this is
0:24happening let's take a 50,000 ft view of
0:27the situation and look at why people do
0:29or don't do certain things
0:31neurologically speaking every action
0:33that humans take is either to pursue
0:35pleasure or avoid pain so if a large
0:38group particularly men in this situation
0:40are abstaining from relationships it's
0:42probably because they're chasing
0:43something that they perceive to be as
0:44better or avoiding the stress and
0:46challenges that relationships can bring
0:48to zoom back in we need to explore the
0:50societal motivators that are pushing 63%
0:52of men to remain single so in this video
0:55I'm going to go over the six key factors
0:57that are contributing to this overall
0:58trend let's get into it which brings me
1:00to my first point let's start with
1:01something that's been quietly affecting
1:03millions of men for years low
1:06testosterone now testosterone isn't just
1:08about muscles and aggression it's
1:09critical for sex drive mood and overall
1:12energy imagine a young man in his early
1:1420s who despite being physically healthy
1:16struggles with low energy and a lack of
1:18interest in intimacy he might not
1:20recognize that his testosterone levels
1:22are at an all-time low and it's not just
1:24him this is happening to millions of men
1:27across the country Studies have shown
1:28that testosterone levels in men have
1:30been declining for decades with a
1:32significant drop observed in men as
1:34young as 25 and low testosterone can
1:36lead to decreased libido contributing to
1:38the overall lack of interest in sexual
1:41intimacy low testosterone levels can
1:43also significantly impact men's mental
1:45health affecting mood cognition and
1:47overall psychological well-being
1:49testosterone is a hormone that plays
1:51crucial levels and lots of bodily
1:53functions and when testosterone levels
1:54drop it can lead to a wide array of
1:57negative impacts some of these things
1:58from a psychological level I'm going to
2:00outline here depression is one of the
2:02most common psychological issues when it
2:04comes to low testosterone levels in men
2:06study after study has shown that men
2:08with low testosterone levels tend to
2:10experience massive symptoms of
2:12depression this includes persistent
2:13sadness loss of interest in their
2:15activities and feelings of hopelessness
2:18testosterone is thought to influence
2:19neurotransmitters in the brain such as
2:21serotonin which plays a critical role in
2:23overall mood regulation low testosterone
2:25can also lead to increased levels of
2:27anxiety and men with low test will
2:29experience heightened levels of stress
2:31which can exacerbate the feelings of
2:33unease and worry a study published in
2:35the Journal of endocrinology and
2:37Metabolism found that men with low
2:38testosterone levels were more likely to
2:40be diagnosed with depression and as far
2:42as a solution while testosterone
2:44replacement therapy has become more and
2:46more popular the second thing we have to
2:47look at is cognitive function and how
2:49low te impacts this low testosterone has
2:51been linked with overall cognitive
2:53decline including issues with memory
2:55attention and overall executive function
2:57men with low test often experience
2:59symptoms of brain brain fog which is
3:00categorized with symptoms like
3:02difficulty concentrating poor memory and
3:04slower processing speed and some
3:06research suggests that lower
3:08testosterone levels also increase the
3:09risk for Alzheimer's disease although
3:11more research is absolutely needed for
3:13this it's important to understand the
3:15impact from a overall well-being and
3:17psychological executive functioning
3:19position when it comes to this problem
3:20that we're seeing with men all over the
3:22country regarding this line testosterone
3:24does have neuroprotective effects and so
3:26a deficiency in testosterone well that
3:29makes you more susceptible to losing
3:31your mind another critical impact when
3:32it comes to testosterone is the impact
3:34that it has on overall motivation low
3:36testosterone levels are often associated
3:38with high levels of fatigue and if men
3:41who are known to be ambitious and highly
3:43productive are struggling with low
3:44energy levels while not only does it
3:46tank their motivation but it tanks their
3:48self-esteem men with low test might
3:49experience really really high levels of
3:51fatigue even after getting plenty of
3:53sleep and this can lead them to further
3:55isolation as they don't even feel
3:57motivated or inclined to engage in daily
3:59activities and this over a long enough
4:00time Horizon well it will impact things
4:03like work relationships and overall
4:05quality of life now you might be
4:06wondering what does this have anything
4:08to do with relationships well men with
4:10low testosterone also experience
4:12elevated levels of irritability and
4:14increased emotional instability and this
4:17can manifest itself as increased anger
4:19frustration or mood swings yes men have
4:22mood swings too and this will lead to
4:24overall further isolation and complete
4:26social withdrawal and when testosterone
4:28levels in men are low men find
4:30themselves more prone to emotional
4:31outbursts or difficulty managing stress
4:35and overall negative emotion and if you
4:37play this out over a long enough time
4:38Horizon well this will absolutely impact
4:40men's self-esteem and overall confidence
4:43when testosterone levels in men drop
4:44they tend to experience a decrease in
4:47selfworth and this can lead to feelings
4:49of inadequacy or further feelings of
4:51insecurity and this will absolutely
4:53impact their ability to go out and have
4:55social interactions and it definitely
4:57stifles their willingness to pursue new
4:59opportunities and due to the low
5:01self-esteem and lower confidence as they
5:03continue to withdraw it's going to
5:05further exacerbate the feelings of
5:06isolation and loneliness and this will
5:08then negatively impact their overall
5:10mental state and well-being and this
5:12concept around men's testosterone and
5:14self-esteem isn't just my opinion a
5:16study in psychon neuroendocrinology I
5:18know what a word found that men with
5:19lower testosterone levels self-report
5:22lower self-esteem and confidence
5:23research also shows that testosterone
5:25levels in men can fluctuate in response
5:27to Social and sexual interactions and
5:30this can happen in various ways
5:32testosterone levels of men can Elevate
5:34when they are in competitive or dominant
5:36social situations especially when
5:38interacting with women for example
5:40Studies have shown that men's
5:41testosterone levels increase when they
5:43are competing for attention or when they
5:45perceive themselves to be winning in a
5:47social situation conversely testosterone
5:49levels can decrease if a man perceives
5:51himself to be less dominant or loses in
5:53a competitive situation and I want you
5:55to remember this point because it will
5:57be important later on next we have to
5:59touch touched on the impact of romantic
6:01relations in men's testosterone levels
6:03men often experience a temporary
6:05increase in testosterone production when
6:07they are interacting with a potential
6:08partner or someone they find attractive
6:10this is part of a natural physiological
6:12response that prepares the body for
6:14potential mating opportunities
6:16interestingly though once Men actually
6:18enter into a committed relationship
6:20their testosterone levels May decrease
6:22and this decreases thought to promote
6:24caregiving behaviors which are
6:26beneficial longterm in the context of
6:28that relationship but relative to this
6:30topic this isn't really happening so
6:32while there is evidence that men's
6:34testosterone levels do decline once they
6:36get into a relationship men aren't
6:37actually getting in relationships now
6:40obviously engaging in sexual activity
6:42can increase testosterone levels the
6:44anticipation of sex as well as the act
6:47itself has been shown to boost
6:48testosterone levels in men acutely in
6:50regular sexual activity has actually
6:52been shown to maintain higher levels of
6:54testosterone at a baseline for men
6:56specifically over time but now we have
6:58to talk about the things that actually
6:59matter within this context which is why
7:02testosterone levels might be declining
7:04negative interactions for men in
7:06particular such as rejection or social
7:08stress lead to a decrease in overall
7:11testosterone production now carry that
7:13over into the stress related to conflict
7:15in a relationship we can see how this
7:17would exacerbate the impact now as a
7:19side note a lot of men who do get into
7:20relationships do struggle with lower
7:22testosterone levels and one of the
7:24important things that I want you to have
7:26is that men once they become fathers
7:27also see a decline in testosterone produ
7:29production and this again is to
7:31facilitate nurturing behavior and kind
7:33of bring down the levels of aggression
7:34that men naturally embody with higher
7:36levels of testosterone especially with
7:38the presence of an infant but the
7:40important takeaway relative to the topic
7:41of why men are single understanding that
7:43the impact that a social interaction has
7:45specifically with a female that they
7:47find attractive or someone they might be
7:49pursuing if that experience for them is
7:52negative it's going to negatively impact
7:53their overall physiology increasing
7:55stress and decreasing production of
7:57testosterone which brings me to my next
7:59point of why men are struggling to get
8:01into relationships or why the majority
8:03of them are maintaining their status of
8:05being single we have to talk about the
8:06impact of current culture in society
8:09with an abundance of fatherless homes
8:11we've heard of women having daddy issues
8:13but we don't necessarily talk about the
8:14impact of men growing up without a
8:16father and how that can lead to further
8:18issues without a strong male role model
8:20many men struggle to develop confidence
8:23and the social skills that are required
8:24for them to navigate a intimate
8:26relationship think about a young boy
8:28growing up without his father around he
8:30might be raised by a super strong
8:32incredibly caregiving and nurturing
8:34mother but there's still a void in his
8:36understanding of what it means to be a
8:38man in a relationship and this lack of
8:40guidance can manifest itself as
8:42insecurity or complete avoidance or more
8:45importantly driving super toxic Dynamics
8:48within relationships that they cultivate
8:50especially if his interaction with his
8:51mother was well volatile fatherless
8:54homes have been linked to a range of
8:56Social Challenges including the
8:58difficulty of forming healthy romantic
8:59relationships without the tools and
9:01examples provided by a healthy Father
9:03Figure men will find themselves
9:05unequipped to engage in meaningful
9:08relationships and this is because
9:09fathers play a crucial role in the
9:11development of a healthy masculine in
9:13their sons and this influence is
9:14multifaceted encompassing direct
9:16behavioral modeling emotional support
9:19and the provision of a secure
9:20environment where boys can explore their
9:22identity and learn the strong form of a
9:24healthy masculine through everyday
9:26interactions boys learn about
9:27assertiveness problem solving and how to
9:29balance traditionally masculine traits
9:31like strength with emotional
9:33intelligence and for fathers who model
9:35healthy masculinity demonstrating
9:37respect empathy and responsible behavior
9:39equip their sons with the tools to
9:41navigate moving into manhood in a
9:43healthy way now and another really
9:45important note especially around
9:46cultural standards and the pressure that
9:48we put on men specifically when it comes
9:50to their emotions is that fathers who
9:51are present and emotionally available
9:53for their sons can help them learn to
9:55work through their emotions as they
9:58continue to grow in this count counters
9:59the cultural pressure for boys and men
10:02to continue to suppress their emotional
10:03state and this can lead to issues like
10:05overall aggression or emotional
10:07Detachment later on in life now lastly
10:10especially as a clinical psych student I
10:11have to touch on the importance of rough
10:13and tumble play this is a form of
10:14physical interaction that often occurs
10:16between Father and Son and this plays a
10:19significant role in the overall
10:20development of Social and emotional
10:22skills it helps boys learn to regulate
10:25their emotions as they go through play
10:26build restraint around their impulses
10:29and understand boundaries while
10:30cultivating overall levels of resilience
10:32during rough and double play boys learn
10:34the difference between playful
10:36aggression and real aggression and this
10:38again helps them to develop overall
10:39self-control and also understand other
10:42people's social cues so without this you
10:44can see how the development and
10:46manifestation of a man's aggression
10:47without the understanding of when is too
10:49much can lead to negative consequences
10:52not just for them but for the people
10:53around them so it may not feel like it's
10:55that important when it comes to why men
10:57are single I think it's really important
10:58to discuss the absent father issue that
11:00we have in our current culture without a
11:02father or a positive male role model men
11:04don't get the skills or understanding of
11:07how to navigate things especially
11:08interpersonally we learn all of our
11:10behavior is learned and we tend to learn
11:12it by observing our parents specifically
11:14at a very young age and fathers are
11:15important when it comes to modeling how
11:17to treat a partner with respect and vice
11:19versa for women but the conversation
11:21today is about men how do you manage
11:23your emotions how do you address
11:24conflict how do you communicate
11:26effectively and when boys grow up
11:28without witnessing these Dy DCS it can
11:30manifest as dysfunctional but the
11:31problem is they just were never taught
11:33how and if we look into the
11:35psychological impacts around this I'm
11:36sure you've heard of attachment Styles
11:38but if you haven't I'm just going to
11:40cover the theory here attachment Theory
11:42suggests that children form their
11:43initial understanding of relationships
11:45through their interactions with their
11:47primary caregivers so when a father is
11:49absent it can disrupt the secure
11:51attachment that is required for
11:52developing both trust and confidence in
11:55the pursuit of a relationship so for the
11:57children who are raised without a father
11:58figure and this is for both parents as
12:00well so we look at the problem with boys
12:02being raised without fathers we can see
12:04how this can lead to them developing an
12:06insecure attachment style and this will
12:08absolutely exacerbate problems and
12:10challenges when it comes to creating a
12:11stable and healthy romantic Bond
12:14especially if they build a fear or core
12:16belief that amplifies anxiety around the
12:18experience of Abandonment and this will
12:20lead to a reluctance to engage and
12:22absolutely perpetuate trust issues now
12:25the last part here around the importance
12:27of a father figure I have to touch on
12:29the self-concept and what it means to be
12:31a man the absence of a father can lead
12:33to complete confusion around gender
12:35roles and self-identity boys May
12:37struggle and tend to understand what it
12:39means to be a man which can lead to
12:42insecurity or overcompensation in their
12:44adult life and the overcompensation
12:46complex is either hyper masculine
12:48behaviors that can be incredibly toxic
12:50or complete passivity in relationships
12:53which can also be toxic and this is
12:55because they don't have the skill set or
12:56tools to understand how to balance and
12:58navigate invalidate their natural
13:00aggression when it comes to their
13:02behavior and also have the emotional
13:04intelligence and skills to communicate
13:06around how their Partners needs need to
13:08be met as well as validating their own
13:11and as we can guess here this is going
13:12to lead to overall amplifications of
13:14adversarial interactions and not having
13:17the ability to find resolution within
13:18those conflicts and this over time as a
13:21pattern will lead to up and down and up
13:22and down a roller coaster of chaos when
13:24it comes to trying to engage with
13:27something akin to long-term commitment
13:29without having the skills to actually
13:30navigate that terrain which brings me to
13:32my next point we have to talk a little
13:34bit about feminism the feminist movement
13:36in itself has absolutely reshaped the
13:39gender Dynamics within our culture and
13:40this has had a complex and profound
13:43impact on men's interactions in romantic
13:45relationships while the movement has
13:46largely focused on promoting gender
13:48equality and overall the empowerment of
13:50women which was and is incredibly
13:53important it has also led to shifts and
13:55consequences with how men show up behave
13:58and find stability within relationship
14:00or in society and this is because the
14:02feminist movement went to challenge the
14:04historical gender Norms which has led to
14:07Extended pressure for men to engage in
14:09more egalitarian relationships and for
14:12men this can create some discomfort
14:14especially those who were socialized and
14:16raised under more traditional values and
14:19those historic views of masculinity and
14:21this meaning tactically that they were
14:23the primary Breadwinners within the
14:24dynamic of their relationship and the
14:26key decision maker when it came to
14:28moving forward with the long-term plans
14:30within that relationship but as women
14:32gain more education and more economic
14:34independence pairing that with some
14:36levels of more assertiveness or as men
14:38would say masculine women men feel
14:41uncertain of how they fit into this new
14:43Dynamic Not all men but some men and
14:46this can lead to overall restraint or
14:48hesitancy when it comes to engaging any
14:50in any type of relationship because
14:52these traditional markers of masculinity
14:54as far as Financial provision and making
14:56decisions are being redefined and
14:58challenged regularly this can lead to a
15:00lot of confusion and overall insecurity
15:02when it comes to men especially their
15:04courage and confidence in pursuing
15:06relationships now we also have to talk
15:08about the increased expectation that
15:10we've put on men when it comes to the
15:11emotional labor most people in the
15:13modern world want men to express and
15:15communicate their emotions or be much
15:16more attuned to them the way that women
15:18tend to manifest these things and while
15:20there is importance around men's
15:22expression or ability to validate so
15:24that they don't compartmentalize their
15:25emotions many of them have not been
15:27socialized to engage in this type of
15:29work and to be completely transparent
15:30here I don't think it's even required
15:32for all men to function that way but the
15:35pressure to meet these new relational
15:36standards can be really intimidating and
15:39somewhat uncomfortable for a lot of men
15:41and this will lead them to withdraw from
15:42relationships rather than to risk
15:44failing or some sort of rejection now we
15:46also have to touch on the point of the
15:48concept of women being or becoming more
15:51masculine the rise in more assertive and
15:53Independent Women can sometimes create
15:55tension in a relationship and this
15:57phenomenon has several impath on a man's
16:00sense of masculinity and his approach to
16:02romantic relationships as women continue
16:04to embrace more and more masculine
16:06traits such as assertiveness ambition in
16:08financial Independence men may feel like
16:10their own levels of masculinity are
16:12being challenged or completely
16:13diminished as the qualities that ones
16:15Define manhood are now shared across
16:17genders leading some men to completely
16:19question what is my role in this
16:21relationship and these feelings can lead
16:23to questions or feelings of insecurity
16:26or resentment building things like
16:27contempt particular ularly for men who
16:30derive their sense of self-worth and
16:31their sense of identity from
16:33traditionally masculine roles and when
16:34men perceive that women are
16:36outperforming them especially in areas
16:38that are typically traditionally
16:39masculine it can completely cause them
16:41to revolt and create more tension
16:44between men and women and the blurring
16:46of these lines continues to create power
16:48Dynamic struggles in relationships if
16:50both partners are both assertive and
16:52independent it can be much more
16:53difficult to establish clear roles
16:55within that relationship and this can
16:57lead to conflicts over control or any
16:59decision that's ever made and Men Who
17:01feel like their masculinity is being
17:02suppressed May react by completely
17:04withdrawing emotionally avoiding
17:06commitment or becoming resentful and
17:08this can lead to them undermining the
17:10foundation of the relationship
17:12increasing levels of infidelity and well
17:14maybe we could even correlate this with
17:16divorce but hey I'm just speculating now
17:18that tends to be more associated with
17:20the boss movement where women are
17:22ambitious independent and don't need no
17:24man again kind of emasculating the
17:26traditional male role however I think
17:28another movement that's relevant to this
17:30conversation is the me too movement and
17:33this brought necessary attention to
17:35sexual harassment and overall abuse
17:37emphasizing the importance of consensual
17:39and respectful intimate interactions
17:41however in contrast it's also Amplified
17:44feelings of anxiety for men in
17:45particular it feels like they're always
17:47on edge with needing to process and make
17:50sure they articulate consent while also
17:52needing to feed into their natural male
17:55assertiveness or aggression when it
17:56comes to being the partner that pursues
17:59and this isn't just something that men
18:00talk about this is also something that
18:02women talk about but it's hard for them
18:04to walk up to somebody without feeling
18:06like they might be coming off as a creep
18:08or crossing a boundary and this has led
18:10men to become significantly more
18:11cautious when it comes to pursuing any
18:13type of curiosity around pursuing a
18:15potential person that they find
18:16attractive because they fear if they
18:18make any perceived misstep it could be
18:20seen as inappropriate behavior and this
18:23anxiety can lead to complete withdrawal
18:25from any type of pursuit of a romantic
18:27partner and men find themselves having
18:29this inner conflict of balancing their
18:31levels of assertiveness with respect for
18:34boundaries so the combined effects of
18:36these movements and shift in gender
18:38Dynamics overall are driving significant
18:40changes in how romantic relationships
18:42are formed and sustained which brings me
18:45to my next point we have to talk about
18:47the red pill space picture a young man
18:49scrolling through social media and
18:51coming across the content of these
18:53extreme communities he's bombarded with
18:55messages about the dangers of engaging
18:57in any type of relation a ship with a
18:59woman leading him to adopt a more
19:01defensive stance towards relationships
19:04the red pill space and mtow movements
19:06have grown in response to these
19:07perceived injustices towards men and in
19:10the modern dating World itself and these
19:12communities tend to argue that modern
19:14relationships are fraught with risks for
19:16men leading many of them to opt out
19:18entirely now it's important to note that
19:20these things do exist for a reason and
19:23they tend to stem from a very genuine
19:25place it's valid that many men are
19:27entirely frustrated with the the modern
19:29dating world and I can empathize with
19:30that however they also tend to
19:32perpetuate these negative stereotypes
19:34and discourage men completely from
19:36seeking meaningful relationships leading
19:38to a cycle of isolation and resentment
19:41the red pill in Ming toow and if you
19:43don't know what mtow is it's men going
19:44on their own way have gained significant
19:47traction specifically in recent years
19:49particularly online and they provide a
19:51space for men to discuss openly their
19:53experiences frustrations and perspective
19:56on Modern gender Dynamics and the these
19:58communities are often seen as a solution
20:00in contrast to the complicated landscape
20:03that we're facing right now within the
20:04modern dating World they talk about
20:06things like relationship Dynamics
20:08feminism and societal expectations of
20:10masculinity in the modern world now this
20:12may seem like a dark space but there are
20:15some positives here that I feel are
20:16important to discuss again these spaces
20:19well they're here for a reason they
20:21serve some form of function that we
20:23should pay attention to men have found a
20:25space or a community where they feel
20:26seen heard and understood especially if
20:29the culture and society around them is
20:31telling them that their thoughts desires
20:33or perspective is toxic especially if
20:36they've gone their experiences like
20:37rejection or divorce so they are able to
20:39find a space where they can validate and
20:41verbalize their own experiences while
20:43also gaining perspective and feeling
20:45related by where they can share their
20:46stories and find some semblance of
20:48Solace with other men who've also gone
20:50through similar experiences and this
20:53overall may help them find a sense of
20:55control in their lives once again
20:56encouraging them to focus on self
20:58self-improvement Financial Independence
21:00and personal growth this is one of the
21:02things that I actually agree with when
21:03it comes to these communities existing
21:06they do really emphasize a man being
21:08masculine being ambitious pursuing
21:11something and becoming somebody but this
21:13focus on becoming the best version of
21:15oneself can be somewhat productive and
21:18it can lead to overall increases in
21:20their self-esteem self-confidence
21:22overall health and again Financial
21:24Resources down the road and by
21:26prioritizing their own wellbeing and
21:27their overall goals men in these
21:30communities may feel more empowered and
21:31less dependent on sexual activity
21:34particularly from romantic relationships
21:36and now that we've talked about the
21:37positives well I do have to talk about
21:40the downsides here one of the biggest
21:41criticisms when it comes to looking at
21:43these communities is that they often
21:45Foster a deep cynicism and distrust
21:48towards women and the narratives Within
21:49These spaces particularly portray women
21:52as manipulative hypergamous and
21:54untrustworthy which can lead to negative
21:57and adversarial views views of romantic
21:59relationships in general and this
22:01mindset can discourage men from pursuing
22:03relationships in the first place as they
22:04may become overly guarded suspicious or
22:07avoidant of intimate connections
22:09altogether and while these communities
22:10do discuss self-improvement they often
22:13do it in such a way that enforces toxic
22:15masculinity emphasizing dominance
22:18emotional suppression or manipulation of
22:20their partner's emotions and the
22:22objectification of women and this can
22:24perpetuate harmful stereotypes and
22:26behaviors that are counterproductive Ive
22:28to building any type of healthy
22:30connection and this fixation on hyper
22:32masculinity can also cause men to reject
22:35any traits that are perceived as
22:37feminine such as empathy or
22:39vulnerability which are essential for
22:41forming any type of deep and meaningful
22:43romantic connection now the mingal
22:45philosophy in particular here encourages
22:48men to completely avoid touching a woman
22:50with a 9-ft pole in this lifestyle
22:52advocates for complete isolation and
22:55independence from women and while this
22:57might create short term relief with the
22:59frustrations of dating which are totally
23:01valid it can also lead to long-term
23:04complications of isolation loneliness
23:06and further exacerbate men's mental
23:08health issues and this is again not just
23:10my opinion studies show that strong
23:12connections are crucial for mental and
23:14emotional well-being but by withdrawing
23:16from any type of partnership men will
23:19miss out may miss out I should say on
23:21the emotional and psychological benefits
23:23of close and intimate connections and
23:25for anybody that wants to come in and
23:27say well they have relationship ship
23:29these relationships are on the internet
23:31and if you've ever met somebody who is
23:33mentally stable with only having
23:36connections that are on a screen not one
23:38person can do that personal
23:40relationships in person in reality are
23:43critical for human beings in tandem with
23:45the narratives that are in these
23:47ecosystems the rhetoric of the red pill
23:49and mtow spaces often emphasize the
23:51risks of modern dating they talk about
23:53divorce Financial loss and the emotional
23:56pain again all of which are valid but
23:58the this leads men to develop toxic and
24:01avoidant attitudes towards relationships
24:04which I have to guess the majority of
24:05men actually want as they become more
24:07and more focused on self-preservation
24:10and resentment towards women than they
24:12do on building genuine connections and
24:14cultivating some semblance of intimacy
24:16and this isn't just my opinion the data
24:18supports this stuff men who engage
24:20heavily in these types of communities
24:21are more likely to report
24:23dissatisfaction with their dating lives
24:25and the lowest desire to pursue any type
24:28type of relationship and honestly I
24:30can't blame them with the narratives and
24:32communication that go on Within These
24:33communities there's lack of trust
24:35there's lack of desire and you paint
24:37women as the evil demon that you must
24:39avoid and is who is responsible for all
24:41of your problems now this is where it
24:43gets really important that I don't paint
24:45a picture with a broad brush there are
24:47incredibly toxic women just as there are
24:49incredibly toxic men but if we try to
24:51put everybody under one umbrella
24:53everybody's going to end up alone
24:55depressed and probably unhealthy and men
24:58in particular because they are the ones
25:00in these communities who tend to
25:02internalize these messages and
25:04narratives and take them on as complete
25:06truth for every woman they ever meet in
25:08their entire lives will struggle
25:10to open up to any potential partner
25:12because they fear betrayal or
25:14manipulation and inevitably this will
25:16create a self-fulfilling prophecy where
25:18men expect negative outcomes in
25:20relationships leading to behaviors that
25:23undermine the relationship itself and
25:25this will inevitably reinforce that
25:27there's something wrong with women when
25:30really it's the subconscious triggers
25:32that manifest behaviors of mistrust
25:34betrayal insecurity abandonment that
25:36lead men to avoid any type of depth
25:39which will inevitably ruin a
25:41relationship which brings me to my next
25:43Point social media social media has
25:45become an integral part of daily life
25:47and it profoundly affects how men see
25:50themselves especially in comparison to
25:51their male counterparts while
25:53opportunities can be provided by social
25:55media for connection and self-expression
25:57it also introduces new challenges and
26:00pressures that can influence a man's
26:02desire and ability to form committed
26:05relationships social media platforms
26:07provide men with the ability to connect
26:09with a wider range of people than ever
26:11before and these platforms make it a lot
26:12easier to meet potential Partners
26:14especially for men who might be more shy
26:17or have limited Social Circles dating
26:19apps and social media allow men to reach
26:21out to others based on shared interests
26:23and values increasing their chances of
26:26finding a potentially compatible partner
26:28additionally social media can also
26:30Foster and strengthen current
26:31Relationships by opening the window for
26:33communication and this enables certain
26:35couples to stay connected even when
26:37they're miles apart another note on
26:39social media relative to even this topic
26:42of conversation in YouTube is that
26:44there's a vast amount of information on
26:46relationships and anything else
26:48including advice from experts or
26:50experiences shared by peers and this can
26:52Empower anybody including men with
26:54knowledge and strategies for building
26:56healthy and sustainable relationships
26:58now one potential upside and also
27:00potential flaw is that it allows people
27:02to express themselves and present a
27:05curated version of their identity this
27:07can be empowering to a certain extent
27:09the idea that you can be whoever it is
27:10that you want to be and it also gives
27:12people the ability to exercise control
27:14over their own perception if it's
27:16authentic and through that vehicle
27:18you're expressing your personal values
27:19or interests you can attract people with
27:22like-minded ideals that resonate with
27:23this Persona the negative to that though
27:26is that there's plenty of people that
27:27also create a version of them that isn't
27:29what you would meet in real life and
27:31this is where the tendency for
27:33narcissistic individuals to manipulate
27:35and control other people for their own
27:36personal gain gets really dark another
27:39negative regarding social media and its
27:41presence especially how it impacts
27:43relationships and Men is that it often
27:45presents an idealized version of Life
27:47users post carefully selected moments
27:49that highlight their success or
27:51perceived achievements we can get angles
27:53and Photoshop to highlight
27:54attractiveness and ultimately give you a
27:56snapshot into a moment of happiness and
27:59this can create unrealistic expectations
28:01for what it means to be a man who's
28:03successful and also impact what it looks
28:05like to be in healthy relationship and
28:07this constant comparison can lead to
28:09dissatisfaction and Amplified levels of
28:11insecurity when it comes to you
28:12assessing your own life and this can
28:13deter men specifically from even
28:15pursuing any type of relationship as
28:18they believe that they can't measure up
28:19to the perceived standards that are
28:20being presented online and if you've
28:22spent more than five minutes on social
28:24media you'll see highlight reels of
28:26girls on yachts and men who are wealthy
28:28and everybody has this idea that well
28:30all of these women only want men who
28:33have all these fun toys when in reality
28:35if you go out and actually talk to a
28:36woman most of us don't really give a
28:38about that regardless the pressure
28:40to maintain a certain level of image on
28:42social media can lead to increased
28:44levels of anxiety and the ultimate fear
28:46of rejection particularly when it comes
28:48to shooting a shot with a woman or
28:50dating anybody and this will ultimately
28:52continue to put pressure on men to
28:54present themselves in a certain light in
28:56a way that they believe will be
28:57attractive to to other people or women
28:59the problem with that though is that it
29:01forces men to put on a mask if that's
29:03not who they really are or the lifestyle
29:05that they actually live well it's easier
29:07to create a distance and play the
29:08longdistance game until you can get
29:10somebody to fall in love with you so
29:13that maybe that's enough and this
29:14ultimately driving up the anxiety making
29:16it significantly harder for them to
29:18actually cultivate something real in
29:20reality and it will start to drive this
29:22perception of who they need to be while
29:24preventing them from actually taking the
29:25step and being vulnerable owning who
29:27they are because at the end of the day
29:29just as a personal side note women care
29:31a lot more about your kindness than they
29:33do about your success and no this
29:35doesn't mean that women don't care about
29:37you having ambition or being driven or
29:39being successful in some light but if
29:42you are a successful I'll choose
29:44a kind man who's middle class all day
29:48now another negative in my personal
29:50opinion but maybe positive for you is
29:52that social media particularly dating
29:54apps Foster a culture of superficial
29:56interactions and create this casual
29:59hookup culture the emphasis on quick
30:01surface level judgments based on photos
30:03and brief profiles can lead to the
30:05devaluation of even building a deeper
30:08connection and this will ultimately
30:09discourage both parties from pursuing
30:12any type of depth when it comes to a
30:13relationship the other problem with this
30:15is that optionality doesn't really lead
30:17to optimality meaning that the abundance
30:20of options that we always have allows
30:22people to keep the door open for the
30:24grass being greener on the other side
30:26and this can lead men to searching for
30:28multiple different options instead of
30:30actually making a commitment to one
30:32person and the same for women the
30:34greater impact on this though especially
30:37in the aftermath of Co is that most
30:39people don't really have good
30:41face-to-face communication skills and
30:43these are crucial for not only building
30:45but maintaining a healthy relationship
30:47men who primarily interact online May
30:49struggle a ton when it comes to actually
30:52communicating or meeting somebody in
30:54person and this can lead to awkwardness
30:56and misunderstandings which will create
30:58significantly more difficulty in forming
31:00any type of relationship and over time
31:02this can eroad their levels of
31:03confidence in overall social situations
31:06making it much more challenging to
31:08initiate and sustain any meaningful
31:11relationship so while there are
31:12positives and negatives when it comes to
31:14social media for everybody such as
31:16opportunities for connection or
31:17increased ability to get information
31:19there are also pretty severe negatives
31:22and as somebody who works in mental
31:23health I think it's really important to
31:25consider some of the impacts and the
31:26trade-offs that we make with having such
31:28a wide ability to connect with people
31:30not just in our communities not just in
31:32our neighborhoods not just in our states
31:34around the world and this can continue
31:36to negatively impact somebody's
31:38self-esteem if they don't have
31:40confidence in who they are and actually
31:41understand where they want to go or
31:42where they find meaning in their life
31:44because you'll always be chasing this
31:45dangling carrot that tells you that
31:46you're not enough but maybe you will be
31:48someday if you start to do all of these
31:50perceived things that make you high
31:52value which brings me to my next point
31:55which might be a little uncomfortable to
31:56talk about but between 26 and 87% of 18
32:00to 29y old men consume pornography
32:03regularly and of these men who use
32:05pornography regularly they report less
32:08satisfaction in real life sex even more
32:11alarming than this though is the rise in
32:13erectile dysfunction delayed ejaculation
32:16and diminished libido in men under 40
32:19years old and this is all associated
32:21with frequent pornography use and this
32:23has become more and more prevalent with
32:24the expansion of the digital world
32:26particularly among young men the
32:28pervasive and often addictive Nature has
32:31profound consequences on men's ability
32:33to even engage in romantic relationships
32:36one of the biggest factors in this is
32:37the fact that they become highly
32:38desensitized to real life sex and this
32:42may require them to have to use extreme
32:45content in order to achieve even the
32:47same level of arousal and this will
32:49continue to decrease their satisfaction
32:51when it comes to engaging with a woman
32:53in reality because Normal sex doesn't
32:56stimulate the same level of arousal this
32:58also creates exaggerated sexual
33:00experiences which will create
33:02unrealistic expectations of what it's
33:04like to have sex with somebody as a
33:06human being in reality versus fantasy
33:09and this will lead to a distorted view
33:11of sex and intimacy overall and this
33:13will also put pressure not just on men
33:15but on women for how they're supposed to
33:17be and what their performance needs to
33:19be like instead of looking at the
33:21connection or the bond that you're
33:22creating that is Meaningful in my
33:24opinion and spiritual when you're
33:26actually engaging in this action with
33:28somebody and this can ultimately lead to
33:29frustration a disconnect and overall
33:32dissatisfaction in the intimacy or
33:34relationship that you're trying to build
33:35and these aren't just my opinions this
33:37is based in research exposure to
33:39pornography use regularly is associated
33:41with greater acceptance of casual sex
33:44which will undermine the stability and
33:46emotional depth of romantic
33:47relationships and this drives people to
33:49shift away from emotional intimacy to
33:51personal gratification and men who
33:53consume pornography regularly find it
33:55difficult to engage emotionally with
33:57their partner as their primary sexual
33:59experiences are primary solitary and
34:01focus on visual stimuli rather than the
34:04physical and emotional connection and
34:05this next Point's important the use of
34:07pornography can lead to secrecy and
34:10shame in a relationship creating this
34:12barrier when it comes to open
34:13communication and Trust Partners may
34:16feel betrayed or inadequate when they
34:18discover their significant others
34:19pornography use which will lead to
34:21conflict insecurity and likely a
34:24breakdown in the relationship but while
34:26I can sit here and talk about the
34:27negatives just like the red pill space
34:29or other extreme communities we have to
34:31ask why men are relying on this so
34:33heavily and for some men it provides a
34:35sense of stress relief a way to express
34:37their sexuality when a partner is either
34:39unavailable or uninterested and it can
34:42be a way for them to satisfy their
34:43sexual urges without the complications
34:46or stress of a real life partner and
34:48this can help men ultimately reduce
34:50feelings of loneliness if a man's needs
34:52are not being met by his partner or just
34:55in general in life as he feels maybe
34:57inadequate to to the unrealistic
34:58standards or pressures yet still has
35:01these Temptations while pornography is
35:03an easy accessible outlet for them to
35:05get their needs met and it also
35:07alleviates the fear of rejection or
35:08inadequacy that they would encounter
35:10with a woman especially with some of the
35:12extremist narratives around how women
35:15are the worst but what's important to
35:17note around pornography use especially
35:19in young men it will create difficulties
35:21for them later on in life when it comes
35:22to trying to form any ounce of intimacy
35:25in a relationship their understanding of
35:27sex shaped in ways that aren't that
35:29aren't easily integratable this early
35:31exposure of unrealistic standards in
35:34sexual scenarios can shape their
35:36understanding of sex in ways that are
35:38not conducive to forming any type of
35:40deep emotional bond and over time this
35:42can actually lead men to prefer solitary
35:45sexual experiences over the actual
35:48physical connection with another human
35:50being now lastly I always have to touch
35:52on some semblance of mental health
35:55excessive pornography use can lead to
35:56addiction where men feel compelled to
35:59consume it even if it is negatively
36:01impacting their overall life and this
36:03addiction can interfere with daily
36:05functioning work and relationships
36:07leading to a wide range of mental health
36:10issues including anxiety depression and
36:13low self-esteem and the compulsive need
36:15for pornography use can make it really
36:17difficult for men to find satisfaction
36:19in real life further isolating them and
36:22then exacerbating mental health issues
36:24so those are the six key factors that
36:26are keeping 63% of men single and if
36:29you're interested in understanding how
36:30men date then click this video and I'll
36:32see you there if not off bye

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