"Why Am I Failing at Everything That Matters?" — Transcript

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1. 0:00Today is
2. 0:01a not so special day, but it is a day
3. 0:03that I was born.
4. 0:05And I'll read some stuff to you piss
5. 0:06some people off in the comments just to
6. 0:08get things cracking. How's that sound?
7. 0:10Um
8. 0:11>> [laughter]
9. 0:12>> Don't say I never did anything for you.
10. 0:13Then I'll
11. 0:14I'll I'll chat about some stuff that I
12. 0:15think might be
13. 0:17a perfect segue for today. Is that cool?
14. 0:19And then we'll do some quick Q&A's and
15. 0:21Um and this is all part for those of you
16. 0:22who are joining in of my 30 for 30. You
17. 0:25know, as in I'm going to try and do live
18. 0:26for 30 days
19. 0:28ish. Um and so yeah, let's let's begin
20. 0:32with the tweet that has pissed everyone
21. 0:33off.
22. 0:34Um your level of maturity is inversely
23. 0:37correlated with how much you want other
24. 0:39people to celebrate your birthday.
25. 0:41I've never admired anyone who insisted
26. 0:43his birthday was a big deal.
27. 0:46And I want to be really clear.
28. 0:48I think celebrating other people's
29. 0:49birthdays, absolutely. Honoring people
30. 0:51for being alive, for making this far,
31. 0:54all for it. I think the difference is
32. 0:56when you demand everyone do it for you.
33. 0:58I think that's where that's where you
34. 0:59get the this is my birth week, this is
35. 1:01my birth month,
36. 1:03all that kind of stuff. And I think that
37. 1:05is uh
38. 1:06I think that is the wrong direction on
39. 1:07entitlement.
40. 1:08My two cents, obviously. You know, it's
41. 1:11all it's worth and you can take it for
42. 1:12for what it is. Um
43. 1:14But on this not so special day,
44. 1:17um
45. 1:19one of my one of my team texted me this
46. 1:20thing, which is my favorite text of the
47. 1:21day.
48. 1:22Uh and he said, "Today is the day
49. 1:24Genghis Khan died and you were born."
50. 1:26Quote from the Khan, "There is no good
51. 1:28in anything until it is finished."
52. 1:31Um and I love that. Uh it's all about
53. 1:34starting what you finish. And so I'll
54. 1:36read this to you cuz I've had a lot of
55. 1:38deeper thoughts on my mind lately as you
56. 1:40I think you when you hit whatever
57. 1:41deadlines you have.
58. 1:42Stand tall, don't crack, endure. You can
59. 1:45die tomorrow.
60. 1:47Today you do the only thing you can do.
61. 1:49You fight, you rage on, you do what you
62. 1:51came to do. You finish what you started.
63. 1:53No matter how much it costs, how long it
64. 1:55takes, or how much it hurts because you
65. 1:57said you would.
66. 2:00Being cringe is the tax you pay when you
67. 2:01start to prove to the world that you
68. 2:03care more about what you want than how
69. 2:04you look.
70. 2:07One of the things that no one tells you
71. 2:08about delayed gratification is that once
72. 2:09you learn how to do it, you keep doing
73. 2:11it until you die. And then what you
74. 2:13delayed never happens.
75. 2:16Your goals become easier to accomplish
76. 2:18when you become harder to distract.
77. 2:22Whenever you get worried about not
78. 2:23achieving your goals, just remember
79. 2:24there's plenty of room at the top
80. 2:26because the majority of people are just
81. 2:27whiny, overweight, in debt little
82. 2:29[ __ ] You'll blow past them so fast
83. 2:31it'll look like they're standing still
84. 2:32because they are.
85. 2:35Be more dangerous than the forces that
86. 2:36hope to destroy you.
87. 2:38Make reality your [ __ ] today.
88. 2:40If you do not have courage, nothing else
89. 2:41matters.
90. 2:43So, with that being said, as our as our
91. 2:45premise for today, as we get cracking
92. 2:47and lacking, um I thought I would uh I
93. 2:51had I had this little little video that
94. 2:52I put some notes together for you that I
95. 2:54think you might like.
96. 2:55Um
97. 2:56I think the goal of youth is optionality
98. 2:59and the goal of adulthood is commitment.
99. 3:01And these two things are at odds and I
100. 3:02think that at some point um you have to
101. 3:04reconcile which one you are. Are you
102. 3:06still stuck uh to your youth or have you
103. 3:08decided to become an adult?
104. 3:10An adult means you you eliminate
105. 3:11alternatives. You you walk through
106. 3:13one-way doors where you know you can't
107. 3:14walk back. Um
108. 3:17it's it's difficult to undo a marriage.
109. 3:19It's difficult to uh to impossible uh
110. 3:23possible but not really uh to undo a
111. 3:25child, right? Um there are some one-way
112. 3:27doors and I think that um
113. 3:29a lot of the best things in life come on
114. 3:31the other side of commitments and I
115. 3:32think that we have a society that
116. 3:34overemphasizes the value of optionality.
117. 3:37And
118. 3:38the reason that I said what I said
119. 3:39earlier, which is that if you delayed
120. 3:40your gratification,
121. 3:42optionality in a lot of ways is delaying
122. 3:44gratification. It's this idea that I'll
123. 3:46keep my options open.
124. 3:48But the thing is is that options only
125. 3:49have value when they are exercised.
126. 3:51And until you exercise them, they are
127. 3:53valueless. It's like dying at the end of
128. 3:55your life with as an ant that put a big
129. 3:57pile of crumbs that you never ate.
130. 3:59Right? At some point, you have to pull
131. 4:00the trigger. You have to make the call.
132. 4:02You have to make the decision. You have
133. 4:03to cut off one future.
134. 4:05And so, I think what's interesting is
135. 4:06that when you make that decision, it
136. 4:08means that you're going to decide that
137. 4:09one thing is more important than
138. 4:10another, which means that you also open
139. 4:11yourself up for criticism, which I think
140. 4:12a lot of people have a lot of difficulty
141. 4:14with.
142. 4:14And so, I want to give you 10
143. 4:16priorities, which make no sense at all,
144. 4:18because priority uh only recently in the
145. 4:20English vernacular uh was ever even used
146. 4:22in the plural. Until about 1950, it was
147. 4:24only priority. There's only one, because
148. 4:26only one thing can come first, right?
149. 4:28That's how it works.
150. 4:30But, here's our 10 things that most
151. 4:31people say are incredibly important. And
152. 4:33so, how how do we make sense of them?
153. 4:35So, number one, we have community,
154. 4:36giving back to your community.
155. 4:38We have romance, marriage, your partner.
156. 4:41We have parenting for your children.
157. 4:43We have family, so to your siblings and
158. 4:45to your parents and your cousins, et
159. 4:46cetera.
160. 4:47We have recreation, so having fun,
161. 4:50relaxing. We have friends,
162. 4:52spending time, et cetera. We have your
163. 4:54career, your career aspirations,
164. 4:56professional aspirations.
165. 4:58Your physical health.
166. 4:59You have your spiritual health, and then
167. 5:00you've got your personal growth.
168. 5:02And so, that's 10 different elements
169. 5:04of life.
170. 5:06And if I were to ask you to prioritize
171. 5:07them,
172. 5:08you will have a different priority than
173. 5:09the person next to you.
174. 5:11And so, the reason this is really
175. 5:12interesting is that if somebody looks at
176. 5:14your list and it is different than
177. 5:15theirs, they will call you as wrong,
178. 5:17because you do not live your life the
179. 5:18way that they would prefer.
180. 5:20And that is why they are [ __ ]
181. 5:21[ __ ]
182. 5:22All right? Like, we don't have to
183. 5:27Like, we don't have to live according to
184. 5:28anyone else's preferences. You have to
185. 5:30follow the law, but besides that, you're
186. 5:32pretty much free to do whatever you
187. 5:33want. And we are so shackled by the idea
188. 5:36that other people
189. 5:37don't like what we're doing. It's like,
190. 5:39great. That's why they have their life
191. 5:41to do what they want to do with.
192. 5:43And so, what's interesting is that you
193. 5:44get to pick your regrets,
194. 5:46or
195. 5:47they will be chosen for you.
196. 5:50Real.
197. 5:51And so, whenever you invest in any of
198. 5:52those 10 things,
199. 5:54you pull away from others, right? If you
200. 5:55add an hour here, you take an hour from
201. 5:57here. We have a zero-sum life when it
202. 5:58comes to to time, right? And I do have
203. 6:00one interesting tactical strategy that
204. 6:02has helped me
205. 6:03navigate these, but I think the biggest
206. 6:05one is just in understanding that you
207. 6:06will live an imperfect life.
208. 6:08Period. Like, you cannot have a house by
209. 6:10the mountains
210. 6:12in isolation and then also be walking
211. 6:14distance from restaurants and then also
212. 6:15be on the beach and also be ski-in
213. 6:17ski-out.
214. 6:20It doesn't work. And you can't have a
215. 6:21rich neighborhood if you want to be in
216. 6:23isolation. Now, all of these things are
217. 6:24okay to want. It's just that they will
218. 6:26not They literally sit in it They're
219. 6:28They're They're conflicting. They're
220. 6:30conflicting priorities.
221. 6:31And so, whenever you say and you make a
222. 6:34decision in your life, people will take
223. 6:36the equal opposite extreme. So, if it's
224. 6:38literally the the upset spouse, right?
225. 6:41You Your wife comes in and says, "Hey,
226. 6:42do I look good You know, do you look
227. 6:43good in this dress?" You say, "Yeah,
228. 6:44this You look great in this dress."
229. 6:45She's like, "Oh, so I don't look good
230. 6:46whenever I'm not wearing this dress?"
231. 6:48That is what people will do to whatever
232. 6:49decisions you make because they're too
233. 6:50cowardly to make them themselves. And I
234. 6:53really mean this. Like, people are
235. 6:54[ __ ] cowards.
236. 6:56They're They walk around afraid. They
237. 6:58They They They don't want consequences.
238. 7:00They don't want conflict because they
239. 7:03think that other people's opinions about
240. 7:05their lives matter more than their own.
241. 7:08And it's ridiculous.
242. 7:10You must make trades.
243. 7:12You have to make a trade. And I love the
244. 7:14the definition of the word decidere
245. 7:15because it's Latin, but it the root of
246. 7:17it means to cut off.
247. 7:18And it's just what what future are we
248. 7:20cutting off today? And I think that that
249. 7:22is
250. 7:23and I think as I'm, you know,
251. 7:25I've I'm at an annual little date for
252. 7:27myself, and so I look back on on the
253. 7:28last year. Um and I think that your
254. 7:31maturity level is directly related to
255. 7:33the amount of commitments that you have
256. 7:34made, the number of people who rely on
257. 7:36you.
258. 7:37And if those commitments are the
259. 7:38elimination alternatives, means that
260. 7:40you've cashed in optionality, right?
261. 7:41You've chosen to do things in lieu of
262. 7:43others.
263. 7:45And so, even if you were to divide your
264. 7:47life into 12 hours per day. So, let's
265. 7:49assume that you've got 4 hours for
266. 7:51eating, showering, you know, hygiene,
267. 7:55all the living, right? And let's say 12
268. 7:57hours is your the hours that you can
269. 7:59just be focused, right? On anything.
270. 8:03If you were to divide those, we've got
271. 8:05those 10 things that I outlined. If you
272. 8:06were to give
273. 8:07an hour and, you know, 10 minutes per
274. 8:10day to each of those things,
275. 8:12it's like, okay, you're going to do an
276. 8:12hour and 10 minutes to your career, an
277. 8:14hour and 10 minutes to your
278. 8:14spirituality, an hour and 10 minutes to
279. 8:16your your your family, an hour and 10
280. 8:17minutes to your kids, an hour and 10
281. 8:19minutes to your
282. 8:20relaxation time, an hour and 10 minutes
283. 8:22to your physical health. Like, you go
284. 8:23through it and it's just like, I can't I
285. 8:24can't do it all. It's like, right, you
286. 8:26have to make [ __ ] trades. It's what
287. 8:28it is.
288. 8:29And so, I'll just say as somebody who
289. 8:30has, I would say, min-maxed to a degree
290. 8:32on some of those traits,
291. 8:34um,
292. 8:35really helpful to just order
293. 8:38them for yourself. Which of these is
294. 8:40most important for you?
295. 8:42And and here's the here's the This is
296. 8:44the one tactical tip I've got. This is
297. 8:46This is it. This is my one tactical tip.
298. 8:49Try to do things that check multiple
299. 8:50boxes.
300. 8:52So, for example, the reason that lifting
301. 8:54with friends is so viable to me, um, is
302. 8:57that I lift with people I work with who
303. 9:00I'm also friends with. And so, it checks
304. 9:02off recreation, it checks off a degree
305. 9:05of of career growth, it checks off
306. 9:07physical health. Um, and so, I get three
307. 9:09or four boxes checked from this one
308. 9:13one activity. And so, I'm able to block
309. 9:15more time with it. And there's probably
310. 9:17some version of that for you that you
311. 9:18can do for two or three things. And I'm
312. 9:19not saying you're going to get
313. 9:20everything, but every once in a while
314. 9:22you can get lucky and you can just do
315. 9:24you can check a few boxes with one
316. 9:25action, right? No extra time. And so, I
317. 9:27think that's a big W. Now,
318. 9:29I think that you will do the best that
319. 9:31you can to manage these things. And at
320. 9:34the end of your life,
321. 9:36uh, you will think to yourself, it would
322. 9:37have been nice
323. 9:39to do these other things.
324. 9:42But when you say that, you do that from
325. 9:44the position of having already earned
326. 9:46the benefit of your existing trade. And
327. 9:48so, what we want is the benefits of the
328. 9:50trades that we did not make and the
329. 9:52benefits of the ones that we did. And
330. 9:53so, we look at the benefits of a
331. 9:54different priority being first and then
332. 9:57saying, "Man, it would be nice if I was
333. 9:58also hyper spiritual. It would also be
334. 10:00nice if I was in the best shape. It
335. 10:02would also be nice if I had the best
336. 10:04marriage. It would also be nice if I was
337. 10:05a great parent. It would also be nice."
338. 10:07Etcetera, etc.
339. 10:11But you can't you can't trade everything
340. 10:14in. And so, basically, like you get to
341. 10:15pick your regrets. You get to pick the
342. 10:18things that you say were less important.
343. 10:20Otherwise, they will be chosen for you.
344. 10:22And I think what's really interesting is
345. 10:23whenever I think this to its natural
346. 10:24end, I think to myself,
347. 10:26I am the problem. So, let me explain.
348. 10:29Um
349. 10:30I think we always want what we can't
350. 10:31have, and I think this is an inherently
351. 10:32human trait, right? Single people want
352. 10:34to be married, married people want, you
353. 10:35know, to be single.
354. 10:37Uh
355. 10:38The people with no kids want kids,
356. 10:40people who have kids want a night off,
357. 10:42employees want to start their own
358. 10:43business someday, employers are jealous
359. 10:44of how their employees can clock out and
360. 10:46not take their work home with them. Um
361. 10:49there's just countless examples of
362. 10:50whatever you don't have is what you want
363. 10:52because right now, everyone who's
364. 10:54listening to this, you have accomplished
365. 10:55things that you said would make you
366. 10:57happy.
367. 11:00Like, there's something in your life
368. 11:01right now that earlier on in your life
369. 11:02you said, "If I had this, I would be
370. 11:04happy."
371. 11:05And yet, here we are.
372. 11:07And so, whenever I think this, I just
373. 11:08think like I am the problem.
374. 11:10Like, I am the constant. Like, the the
375. 11:12constant source of dissatisfaction is
376. 11:14me.
377. 11:15Um
378. 11:17and it's just cuz we want it all.
379. 11:20But you you you go to a store
380. 11:23where there's 10 amazing shoes and each
381. 11:25shoe is $100.
382. 11:27And you have $100 in your wallet.
383. 11:32And in order to justify our decision, we
384. 11:34make everyone else feel bad about buying
385. 11:37a different set of shoes than us.
386. 11:40And it was just a choice, and I don't
387. 11:42think there's anything wrong with that.
388. 11:43Cuz a lot of people I think look at
389. 11:45um
390. 11:46you know, the life that we have, which I
391. 11:47think is, you know, super blessed, etc.
392. 11:50Um
393. 11:51but we traded other things. You know, we
394. 11:53traded other things. And I think that if
395. 11:55those things are more important to you
396. 11:56than like, good for you. Seriously, like
397. 11:58I
398. 12:00to the degree that you can possibly
399. 12:01believe a stranger on the internet, I
400. 12:03mean this from the bottom of my heart.
401. 12:04If you like the priorities that you
402. 12:06have,
403. 12:07then [ __ ] you won, dude. You won.
404. 12:09I got You won. You've already got it.
405. 12:11Like
406. 12:12like, you know,
407. 12:13>> [laughter]
408. 12:13>> like, you're there.
409. 12:15Um I think where people get in trouble
410. 12:17is where they allow life to make those
411. 12:18priorities for them, right? They make
412. 12:20the They don't get to make the choices.
413. 12:22They they sit passively by and let
414. 12:25options expire.
415. 12:27And I think that's if there's anything
416. 12:28that
417. 12:29that I could hopefully, you know,
418. 12:33transfer, it's uh
419. 12:36you can be your master of your own life
420. 12:37to a degree if you can just say I'm
421. 12:38willing to give up these other things
422. 12:40for the things that I care about most.
423. 12:42And so, um
424. 12:43that's my That's my my two cents' worth.
425. 12:45Take those 10 things,
426. 12:47rank them one to
427. 12:49and then of those, see which one you
428. 12:51think is off as in like, okay, I said
429. 12:54this is number two, but I don't think
430. 12:55I'm really putting number two out of 10
431. 12:57effort into this. And I'll tell you two
432. 12:59for me.
433. 13:01I think that I've been
434. 13:04I've been not as good of a husband as I
435. 13:06probably should have been. I probably
436. 13:07should have spent um more time with
437. 13:10Layla, and I'm going to prioritize doing
438. 13:11that, and I've started to do that. Um
439. 13:14and I think that I've I I have
440. 13:17I have a higher desire for friendship
441. 13:18than I have in my current life. Like, I
442. 13:21see friends sporadically. I would say
443. 13:22outside of me like lifting, which is
444. 13:24basically almost the entirety of the
445. 13:26recreational like friend time that I
446. 13:27have. Um I had a buddy of mine who was
447. 13:30here for my birthday, which was awesome.
448. 13:32Um that Layla kind of surprised me with,
449. 13:33which was super sweet of her. Um
450. 13:36and those are very like filling to my
451. 13:38soul.
452. 13:39And I think that um
453. 13:41I'm going to make trades
454. 13:45in the coming future where I'm going to
455. 13:46decrease some of these other stats
456. 13:49in order to make some room here where I
457. 13:50think that the incremental return that
458. 13:52I'll get on losing an hour on call it
459. 13:54career and adding an hour somewhere
460. 13:56else, uh I will have a little bit less,
461. 13:59but my overall life benefit will be
462. 14:00higher. And so I think the the meta of
463. 14:03this is
464. 14:04the game that you want to play.
465. 14:07And so I'll give you an interesting
466. 14:07story on this. So I can't remember the
467. 14:09name of the founder, but he was on um
468. 14:12David Senra's podcast. And uh really
469. 14:14smart guy, sold his company for like $10
470. 14:15billion, something like that. And he
471. 14:17said, "You always want to look for the
472. 14:19most dominant game." And I was like,
473. 14:21"Huh, this is a really interesting
474. 14:22concept." He said, "So for example,
475. 14:24MySpace lost to Facebook because
476. 14:26Facebook had a more dominant game that
477. 14:28they were playing. And so MySpace, for
478. 14:30example, wanted to get uh the most uh
479. 14:33users. That was the game they were
480. 14:35playing. That was the metric they were
481. 14:36optimizing around.
482. 14:38Facebook was optimizing around monthly
483. 14:40active users, MAU, which then became
484. 14:43kind of like the social media norm in
485. 14:44terms of what so you know, social
486. 14:46platforms are measured by. But that one
487. 14:48little misstep in terms of what metric
488. 14:50they were op- optimizing around me-
489. 14:52meant that Facebook was literally paying
490. 14:54playing a superior game. And so in
491. 14:56thinking about this concept of like
492. 14:58there are there are subset superset
493. 15:00games. There are some games that even if
494. 15:01you're just playing them, you beat
495. 15:03everyone else because the game that
496. 15:05you're optimizing for is just a superior
497. 15:06game.
498. 15:07And so I think that um I think this is
499. 15:09entirely individual, but if we look at
500. 15:11these 10 categories that I outlined, so
501. 15:13I'll repeat them again for those of you
502. 15:14who are just joining.
503. 15:16Let's see if I can get my little list
504. 15:18up.
505. 15:19So the list is this. You've got
506. 15:21community, you've got romance / partner,
507. 15:24parenting for your kids, you've got your
508. 15:25family,
509. 15:27uh so siblings and your parents, you've
510. 15:28got recreation and rest and fun, uh
511. 15:31friends,
512. 15:32uh career, physical health, spiritual,
513. 15:35and then personal growth, right? Those
514. 15:37are kind of like 10 categories of of
515. 15:39living.
516. 15:41And I think that some people make their
517. 15:43entire game one of them.
518. 15:45And I think the
519. 15:47I think the larger game is trying to win
520. 15:49at life.
521. 15:51And realizing that each of these are
522. 15:53components of it. And I don't know if uh
523. 15:56And I think that you will have different
524. 15:57And when I say this prioritization
525. 15:59thing, I like people also have a hard
526. 16:02time allowing other people to change.
527. 16:04Cuz it just makes them it's just
528. 16:06intellectually more uh more work. And
529. 16:08it's just like, how dare you change your
530. 16:09mind in front of me? How dare you?
531. 16:12Right, how dare you be really into your
532. 16:13physical health and then decide that
533. 16:14you're
534. 16:15your your kids are more important and so
535. 16:17you don't work out as much. Right, how
536. 16:18dare you? And so I think that like
537. 16:21people get upset because they're
538. 16:24weak.
539. 16:26Like people are are paths like people
540. 16:29people are so
541. 16:36>> [sighs]
542. 16:38>> small-minded,
543. 16:40self-interested,
544. 16:43and the things they will say in no way
545. 16:46have complete context on your life. And
546. 16:49so it's like trying to listen to 100
547. 16:51people that know two sentences about
548. 16:53you. None of their opinions matter. Cuz
549. 16:57the person who has the most context on
550. 16:58you is you. You're the only one who has
551. 17:00to live with you.
552. 17:01And um I know obviously it's hard
553. 17:03because when we're kids, we're raised to
554. 17:04listen to other people and shame has a
555. 17:06very good place in society. You should
556. 17:07feel bad if you do things that hurt
557. 17:08people and like those things work for
558. 17:10enforcing social rules. So it's this
559. 17:13very odd, you know, dichotomy between
560. 17:15you know, it's good to have other people
561. 17:17on the outside telling you uh hey, maybe
562. 17:20you shouldn't be a [ __ ] ass. Um but at
563. 17:22the same time, being able to
564. 17:24differentiate between call it
565. 17:26uh rule uh law-breaking activity and
566. 17:30rule-breaking activity, which I see as
567. 17:31very different. So, we have legal laws,
568. 17:34right? That have written out
569. 17:35consequences that we have determined,
570. 17:37like it or not, that you have to abide
571. 17:39by to live in whatever area you're in,
572. 17:40right?
573. 17:41But then there's rule-breaking that's
574. 17:43spoken and unspoken. And so, many of you
575. 17:45get different cultures, different rules,
576. 17:46your parents have different rules. And
577. 17:48it's realizing that there are no
578. 17:49consequences, or the consequences that
579. 17:52happen from those rules are not nearly
580. 17:54as severe as we think they are.
581. 17:56And so, the reason that I opened the
582. 17:57book with offers
583. 17:59with only three words, which is there
584. 18:00are no rules. I guess that's four words.
585. 18:03Um
586. 18:04is cuz it's always a reminder to myself
587. 18:06of like, what rules am I being weighed
588. 18:07down by right now that I'm choosing
589. 18:09like, what box am I living in that I'm
590. 18:11unaware of
591. 18:12that has invisible walls that is keeping
592. 18:14me in.
593. 18:15And so, uh
594. 18:17with that,
595. 18:19I think we can uh If you like this video
596. 18:21and you're a business owner who wants to
597. 18:22break through your current revenue
598. 18:23ceiling, I distilled every lesson from
599. 18:25scaling 10 businesses past 10 million
600. 18:26and three businesses past 100 million
601. 18:28into a completely free scaling road map
602. 18:30that I've used to go from zero to one,
603. 18:32zero to 10, and zero to 100 plus. And
604. 18:34so, you can click here and you can check
605. 18:35it out. Again, absolutely free. And
606. 18:37since you're a business owner, I
607. 18:38appreciate you and uh enjoy.