Who are you, really? The puzzle of personality | Brian Little | TED — Transcript

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1. 0:13What an intriguing group of individuals you are ...
2. 0:17to a psychologist.
3. 0:18(Laughter)
4. 0:20I've had the opportunity over the last couple of days
5. 0:23of listening in on some of your conversations
6. 0:26and watching you interact with each other.
7. 0:29And I think it's fair to say, already,
8. 0:31that there are 47 people in this audience,
9. 0:37at this moment,
10. 0:39displaying psychological symptoms I would like to discuss today.
11. 0:43(Laughter)
12. 0:44And I thought you might like to know who you are.
13. 0:47(Laughter)
14. 0:49But instead of pointing at you,
15. 0:51which would be gratuitous and intrusive,
16. 0:54I thought I would tell you a few facts and stories,
17. 0:57in which you may catch a glimpse of yourself.
18. 1:02I'm in the field of research known as personality psychology,
19. 1:06which is part of a larger personality science
20. 1:09which spans the full spectrum, from neurons to narratives.
21. 1:15And what we try to do,
22. 1:17in our own way,
23. 1:19is to make sense of how each of us --
24. 1:22each of you --
25. 1:24is, in certain respects,
26. 1:26like all other people,
27. 1:28like some other people
28. 1:31and like no other person.
29. 1:34Now, already you may be saying of yourself,
30. 1:37"I'm not intriguing.
31. 1:41I am the 46th most boring person in the Western Hemisphere."
32. 1:47Or you may say of yourself,
33. 1:50"I am intriguing,
34. 1:53even if I am regarded by most people as a great, thundering twit."
35. 1:57(Laughter)
36. 1:58But it is your self-diagnosed boringness and your inherent "twitiness"
37. 2:04that makes me, as a psychologist, really fascinated by you.
38. 2:09So let me explain why this is so.
39. 2:12One of the most influential approaches in personality science
40. 2:16is known as trait psychology,
41. 2:18and it aligns you along five dimensions which are normally distributed,
42. 2:23and that describe universally held aspects of difference between people.
43. 2:31They spell out the acronym OCEAN.
44. 2:34So, "O" stands for "open to experience,"
45. 2:37versus those who are more closed.
46. 2:39"C" stands for "conscientiousness,"
47. 2:42in contrast to those with a more lackadaisical approach to life.
48. 2:46"E" -- "extroversion," in contrast to more introverted people.
49. 2:51"A" -- "agreeable individuals,"
50. 2:53in contrast to those decidedly not agreeable.
51. 2:57And "N" -- "neurotic individuals,"
52. 3:00in contrast to those who are more stable.
53. 3:04All of these dimensions have implications for our well-being,
54. 3:07for how our life goes.
55. 3:10And so we know that, for example,
56. 3:13openness and conscientiousness are very good predictors of life success,
57. 3:18but the open people achieve that success through being audacious
58. 3:23and, occasionally, odd.
59. 3:26The conscientious people achieve it through sticking to deadlines,
60. 3:30to persevering, as well as having some passion.
61. 3:35Extroversion and agreeableness are both conducive
62. 3:39to working well with people.
63. 3:42Extroverts, for example, I find intriguing.
64. 3:45With my classes, I sometimes give them a basic fact
65. 3:48that might be revealing with respect to their personality:
66. 3:52I tell them that it is virtually impossible for adults
67. 3:57to lick the outside of their own elbow.
68. 4:01(Laughter)
69. 4:02Did you know that?
70. 4:05Already, some of you have tried to lick the outside of your own elbow.
71. 4:09But extroverts amongst you
72. 4:11are probably those who have not only tried,
73. 4:14but they have successfully licked the elbow
74. 4:16of the person sitting next to them.
75. 4:18(Laughter)
76. 4:19Those are the extroverts.
77. 4:21Let me deal in a bit more detail with extroversion,
78. 4:24because it's consequential and it's intriguing,
79. 4:27and it helps us understand what I call our three natures.
80. 4:31First, our biogenic nature -- our neurophysiology.
81. 4:34Second, our sociogenic or second nature,
82. 4:38which has to do with the cultural and social aspects of our lives.
83. 4:42And third, what makes you individually you -- idiosyncratic --
84. 4:50what I call your "idiogenic" nature.
85. 4:53Let me explain.
86. 4:56One of the things that characterizes extroverts is they need stimulation.
87. 5:00And that stimulation can be achieved by finding things that are exciting:
88. 5:05loud noises, parties and social events here at TED --
89. 5:09you see the extroverts forming a magnetic core.
90. 5:13They all gather together.
91. 5:14And I've seen you.
92. 5:16The introverts are more likely to spend time in the quiet spaces
93. 5:19up on the second floor,
94. 5:21where they are able to reduce stimulation --
95. 5:25and may be misconstrued as being antisocial,
96. 5:29but you're not necessarily antisocial.
97. 5:33It may be that you simply realize that you do better
98. 5:37when you have a chance to lower that level of stimulation.
99. 5:43Sometimes it's an internal stimulant, from your body.
100. 5:47Caffeine, for example, works much better with extroverts than it does introverts.
101. 5:52When extroverts come into the office at nine o'clock in the morning
102. 5:55and say, "I really need a cup of coffee,"
103. 5:58they're not kidding --
104. 5:59they really do.
105. 6:01Introverts do not do as well,
106. 6:03particularly if the tasks they're engaged in --
107. 6:06and they've had some coffee --
108. 6:08if those tasks are speeded,
109. 6:10and if they're quantitative,
110. 6:12introverts may give the appearance of not being particularly quantitative.
111. 6:17But it's a misconstrual.
112. 6:19So here are the consequences that are really quite intriguing:
113. 6:22we're not always what seem to be,
114. 6:24and that takes me to my next point.
115. 6:28I should say, before getting to this,
116. 6:30something about sexual intercourse,
117. 6:33although I may not have time.
118. 6:35And so, if you would like me to --
119. 6:38yes, you would?
120. 6:39OK.
121. 6:40(Laughter)
122. 6:41There are studies done
123. 6:43on the frequency with which individuals engage in the conjugal act,
124. 6:49as broken down by male, female; introvert, extrovert.
125. 6:53So I ask you:
126. 6:54How many times per minute --
127. 6:57oh, I'm sorry, that was a rat study --
128. 6:59(Laughter)
129. 7:02How many times per month
130. 7:06do introverted men engage in the act?
131. 7:103.0.
132. 7:11Extroverted men?
133. 7:13More or less?
134. 7:15Yes, more.
135. 7:175.5 -- almost twice as much.
136. 7:21Introverted women: 3.1.
137. 7:23Extroverted women?
138. 7:25Frankly, speaking as an introverted male,
139. 7:28which I will explain later --
140. 7:30they are heroic.
141. 7:327.5.
142. 7:35They not only handle all the male extroverts,
143. 7:38they pick up a few introverts as well.
144. 7:40(Laughter)
145. 7:42(Applause)
146. 7:48We communicate differently, extroverts and introverts.
147. 7:54Extroverts, when they interact,
148. 7:56want to have lots of social encounter punctuated by closeness.
149. 8:00They'd like to stand close for comfortable communication.
150. 8:04They like to have a lot of eye contact,
151. 8:06or mutual gaze.
152. 8:09We found in some research
153. 8:10that they use more diminutive terms when they meet somebody.
154. 8:13So when an extrovert meets a Charles,
155. 8:16it rapidly becomes "Charlie," and then "Chuck,"
156. 8:19and then "Chuckles Baby."
157. 8:21(Laughter)
158. 8:23Whereas for introverts,
159. 8:24it remains "Charles," until he's given a pass to be more intimate
160. 8:29by the person he's talking to.
161. 8:32We speak differently.
162. 8:36Extroverts prefer black-and-white, concrete, simple language.
163. 8:43Introverts prefer -- and I must again tell you
164. 8:47that I am as extreme an introvert as you could possibly imagine --
165. 8:52we speak differently.
166. 8:54We prefer contextually complex,
167. 8:58contingent,
168. 9:00weasel-word sentences --
169. 9:02(Laughter)
170. 9:03More or less.
171. 9:05(Laughter)
172. 9:06As it were.
173. 9:08(Laughter)
174. 9:09Not to put too fine a point upon it --
175. 9:11like that.
176. 9:13When we talk,
177. 9:15we sometimes talk past each other.
178. 9:17I had a consulting contract I shared with a colleague
179. 9:20who's as different from me as two people can possibly be.
180. 9:23First, his name is Tom.
181. 9:26Mine isn't.
182. 9:27(Laughter)
183. 9:29Secondly, he's six foot five.
184. 9:30I have a tendency not to be.
185. 9:32(Laughter)
186. 9:34And thirdly, he's as extroverted a person as you could find.
187. 9:37I am seriously introverted.
188. 9:40I overload so much,
189. 9:42I can't even have a cup of coffee after three in the afternoon
190. 9:47and expect to sleep in the evening.
191. 9:50We had seconded to this project a fellow called Michael.
192. 9:55And Michael almost brought the project to a crashing halt.
193. 10:00So the person who seconded him asked Tom and me,
194. 10:05"What do you make of Michael?"
195. 10:06Well, I'll tell you what Tom said in a minute.
196. 10:09He spoke in classic "extrovert-ese."
197. 10:11And here is how extroverted ears heard what I said,
198. 10:15which is actually pretty accurate.
199. 10:17I said, "Well Michael does have a tendency at times
200. 10:22of behaving in a way that some of us might see
201. 10:26as perhaps more assertive than is normally called for."
202. 10:30(Laughter)
203. 10:33Tom rolled his eyes and he said,
204. 10:35"Brian, that's what I said:
205. 10:38he's an asshole!"
206. 10:40(Laughter)
207. 10:42(Applause)
208. 10:45Now, as an introvert,
209. 10:46I might gently allude to certain "assholic" qualities
210. 10:52in this man's behavior,
211. 10:53but I'm not going to lunge for the a-word.
212. 10:56(Laughter)
213. 10:59But the extrovert says,
214. 11:00"If he walks like one, if he talks like one, I call him one."
215. 11:03And we go past each other.
216. 11:05Now is this something that we should be heedful of?
217. 11:09Of course.
218. 11:10It's important that we know this.
219. 11:12Is that all we are?
220. 11:14Are we just a bunch of traits?
221. 11:17No, we're not.
222. 11:20Remember, you're like some other people
223. 11:23and like no other person.
224. 11:25How about that idiosyncratic you?
225. 11:28As Elizabeth or as George,
226. 11:31you may share your extroversion or your neuroticism.
227. 11:36But are there some distinctively Elizabethan features of your behavior,
228. 11:40or Georgian of yours,
229. 11:43that make us understand you better than just a bunch of traits?
230. 11:48That make us love you?
231. 11:51Not just because you're a certain type of person.
232. 11:55I'm uncomfortable putting people in pigeonholes.
233. 11:59I don't even think pigeons belong in pigeonholes.
234. 12:03So what is it that makes us different?
235. 12:06It's the doings that we have in our life -- the personal projects.
236. 12:11You have a personal project right now,
237. 12:13but nobody may know it here.
238. 12:17It relates to your kid --
239. 12:19you've been back three times to the hospital,
240. 12:21and they still don't know what's wrong.
241. 12:25Or it could be your mom.
242. 12:28And you'd been acting out of character.
243. 12:30These are free traits.
244. 12:33You're very agreeable, but you act disagreeably
245. 12:36in order to break down those barriers of administrative torpor
246. 12:40in the hospital,
247. 12:41to get something for your mom or your child.
248. 12:45What are these free traits?
249. 12:47They're where we enact a script
250. 12:49in order to advance a core project in our lives.
251. 12:53And they are what matters.
252. 12:55Don't ask people what type you are;
253. 12:58ask them, "What are your core projects in your life?"
254. 13:01And we enact those free traits.
255. 13:03I'm an introvert,
256. 13:04but I have a core project, which is to profess.
257. 13:09I'm a professor.
258. 13:11And I adore my students,
259. 13:15and I adore my field.
260. 13:16And I can't wait to tell them about what's new, what's exciting,
261. 13:23what I can't wait to tell them about.
262. 13:25And so I act in an extroverted way,
263. 13:27because at eight in the morning,
264. 13:29the students need a little bit of humor,
265. 13:31a little bit of engagement to keep them going
266. 13:34in arduous days of study.
267. 13:36But we need to be very careful
268. 13:38when we act protractedly out of character.
269. 13:42Sometimes we may find that we don't take care of ourselves.
270. 13:49I find, for example, after a period of pseudo-extroverted behavior,
271. 13:53I need to repair somewhere on my own.
272. 13:57As Susan Cain said in her "Quiet" book,
273. 14:01in a chapter that featured the strange Canadian professor
274. 14:04who was teaching at the time at Harvard,
275. 14:07I sometimes go to the men's room
276. 14:08to escape the slings and arrows of outrageous extroverts.
277. 14:13(Laughter)
278. 14:14I remember one particular day when I was retired to a cubicle,
279. 14:20trying to avoid overstimulation.
280. 14:23And a real extrovert came in beside me -- not right in my cubicle,
281. 14:28but in the next cubicle over --
282. 14:30and I could hear various evacuatory noises,
283. 14:32which we hate -- even our own,
284. 14:35that's why we flush during as well as after.
285. 14:37(Laughter)
286. 14:40And then I heard this gravelly voice saying,
287. 14:44"Hey, is that Dr. Little?"
288. 14:47(Laughter)
289. 14:50If anything is guaranteed to constipate an introvert for six months,
290. 14:57it's talking on the john.
291. 14:58(Laughter)
292. 15:00That's where I'm going now.
293. 15:02Don't follow me.
294. 15:04Thank you.
295. 15:05(Applause)