Where's My Stuff: The Quarterlife Crisis | Kenya Jackson-Saulters | TEDxGreenville — Transcript

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1. 0:14Picture this.
2. 0:17You enroll in college prep high school,
3. 0:20get perfect grades,
4. 0:23resist the urge to drink or do drugs
5. 0:27until you are well out of your parents'
6. 0:29house.
7. 0:31You double major in college and even
8. 0:35date the same boy for 5 years, even
9. 0:39though you know
10. 0:41that you're gay.
11. 0:43As a young adult, you delay marriage in
12. 0:45lieu of grad school, you skip spring
13. 0:47break to study, and you spend your
14. 0:50summers in internships,
15. 0:52all in the hopes of achieving the
16. 0:54American dream.
17. 0:55But when you walk off the stage, diploma
18. 0:58in hand, ready to get into your cushy
19. 1:00job and into the arms of your beloved,
20. 1:03you are not met with any of that.
21. 1:06No.
22. 1:08Instead, you are met with one
23. 1:10disappointment after another.
24. 1:13No, this isn't a page out of some really
25. 1:15sad but incredibly short novella. This
26. 1:19was actually my life.
27. 1:21See, up until the age of 21, I committed
28. 1:23to making all the right decisions.
29. 1:25Everything from my course of study to my
30. 1:27social calendar was meticulously planned
31. 1:30to guarantee me the utmost success. I
32. 1:33was the consummate goody-two-shoes.
33. 1:36So, you can only imagine my
34. 1:37disappointment and anger when 4 years
35. 1:40after graduation, I had three degrees,
36. 1:44one of which was a master's degree, and
37. 1:46no job.
38. 1:48I was knee-deep in a quarter-life
39. 1:50crisis, and I was mad.
40. 1:53So mad that I would often sit in the
41. 1:55middle of the floor of my empty
42. 1:56apartment and scream, "Where is my
43. 1:59stuff?"
44. 2:02Seriously.
45. 2:04Now, I know some of you have never heard
46. 2:05of the quarter-life crisis. And for
47. 2:07those that have, you probably think it's
48. 2:09some temper tantrum that millennials
49. 2:11throw when we can't get our way. But,
50. 2:14I assure you that's not the case. The
51. 2:16quarter-life crisis is real. In fact,
52. 2:19Abby Wilner defines the quarter-life
53. 2:21crisis as the period of anxiety,
54. 2:24questioning, and inner turmoil that
55. 2:26accompanies the transition to adulthood.
56. 2:29What she forgets to mention, though, is
57. 2:32that it's also the period of
58. 2:33unemployment,
59. 2:35unsolicited weight gain,
60. 2:38and overdrawn checking accounts that
61. 2:40almost certainly accompany college
62. 2:42graduation, especially in the past 10
63. 2:45years. Now, before I go on, I just want
64. 2:47to address the elephant in the room.
65. 2:49Yes, the midlife crisis and the
66. 2:52quarter-life crisis sound the same, but
67. 2:54they're drastically different. You see,
68. 2:56in many ways, quarter-lifers are trying
69. 2:58to
70. 2:59find themselves in an effort to create
71. 3:02themselves, whereas midlifers are kind
72. 3:05of trying to lose themselves in an
73. 3:07effort to recreate themselves.
74. 3:11But the difference is, quarter-lifers
75. 3:13don't have the money to go out and buy a
76. 3:15new Ferrari or a new wife, um,
77. 3:21when things get crazy.
78. 3:23In fact, statistically, quarter-lifers
79. 3:25don't have much of anything.
80. 3:28Did you know that the unemployment rate
81. 3:31for today's quarter-lifer is twice the
82. 3:33national average?
83. 3:35Or that the average American job hops
84. 3:38eight times before the age of 32?
85. 3:42Or my personal favorite, the average
86. 3:44student loan debt is $30,000.
87. 3:48I owe 100,000, but, you know, who's
88. 3:52counting? Semantics.
89. 3:55So, of course, your next question is,
90. 3:56"Okay, Kenya, so you're going to do a
91. 3:58TED Talk on unemployment. How original."
92. 4:00But no. No, no. The quarter-life crisis
93. 4:02isn't a big deal because of
94. 4:04unemployment or even because of delayed
95. 4:07family planning. It's a big deal because
96. 4:09of the emotional damage that is done
97. 4:11during this time.
98. 4:13In many ways, the quarter-life is the
99. 4:15birthplace to bitterness.
100. 4:17If you ask me, it's the reason why young
101. 4:19people seem so lost and depressed, the
102. 4:22reason why your coworker or niece or
103. 4:23nephew seem so distracted. It is because
104. 4:26they are desperately trying to figure
105. 4:28out at what point they lost control of
106. 4:31their lives.
107. 4:33Plus, guys,
108. 4:34a college degree isn't like a pair of
109. 4:37jeans that you order off the internet.
110. 4:39If they don't fit, you can't just call
111. 4:40customer service and like send them back
112. 4:43and get your time or money back. Quite
113. 4:45the contrary, there's often no one to
114. 4:47call, no one to blame, and
115. 4:50no one to talk to.
116. 4:52And so, you blame yourself.
117. 4:55You internalize the stress, and you
118. 4:57convince yourself that you are
119. 4:59fundamentally flawed, and that you're
120. 5:01not worthy of all the things that you've
121. 5:03worked so hard to achieve.
122. 5:06Well, okay, at least that's what I did.
123. 5:08Because by the time I was 27, my life
124. 5:10was an epic mashup of rejection letters
125. 5:13and eviction notices, and I can tell you
126. 5:15it did not feel like questioning.
127. 5:18It felt like
128. 5:19being gutted from the inside out.
129. 5:22It felt like
130. 5:24I had failed before I had even gotten
131. 5:26started.
132. 5:28And it felt like being fired. Do you
133. 5:31know I was fired four times in 4 years
134. 5:34during my quarter-life?
135. 5:36Four times. This this many, almost a
136. 5:38whole hand. I was fired.
137. 5:41And I wasn't getting fired because I was
138. 5:43late or because I was lazy. I was
139. 5:45getting fired because I was young. See,
140. 5:48my employers felt like I was very
141. 5:50educated but not very experienced,
142. 5:52right? So, they axed me without regard,
143. 5:55assuming that my youth and education
144. 5:57would allow me to bounce back quick.
145. 6:00But it did not.
146. 6:02But here's the cool thing about being
147. 6:04fired four times in 4 years. If If there
148. 6:06is a cool thing about being fired four
149. 6:08times in 4 years, you start to get
150. 6:10really creative about how you make
151. 6:12money.
152. 6:13So, I decided to sell snow cones. Right.
153. 6:16So, none of the degrees are in business
154. 6:18or sales or anything, but I'm going to
155. 6:19sell snow cones, right? I go online and
156. 6:22I pour all my money into a machine, um,
157. 6:25that I that that was broken down, and I
158. 6:27decide that I'm going to make a killing
159. 6:29in the festival scene, right? I'm from
160. 6:31Atlanta, Georgia, and there's a huge St.
161. 6:33Patrick's Day festival every year in
162. 6:35Savannah.
163. 6:36The advertisement said there would be
164. 6:38100,000 people there.
165. 6:41Okay. Well, I must have thought that
166. 6:43every person
167. 6:45and their children
168. 6:48and their pets
169. 6:49were going to buy my shaved ice because
170. 6:51I made realistic projections of earning
171. 6:54$52,000
172. 6:55that weekend. I thought I was going to
173. 6:58earn $52,000
174. 7:00in 3 days selling $3 shaved ice.
175. 7:05Well, no one prepared me for how cold
176. 7:0964° feels when you're eating snow cones.
177. 7:13Or
178. 7:14how they like to put the new vendors
179. 7:16miles away from the crowd just for
180. 7:19kicks. Um, we ended up being set up in
181. 7:21the parking lot of a barbecue joint.
182. 7:25So, needless to say, I made so little
183. 7:27money that night that I had to sleep in
184. 7:30my car.
185. 7:31The next day, I decided to spike the
186. 7:34snow cones.
187. 7:37It was totally illegal, but
188. 7:41a little bit of vodka just helped me
189. 7:43make the $700 I needed to get back home.
190. 7:51When I got there, I found myself right
191. 7:54back in the middle of the floor of that
192. 7:55empty apartment asking, "Where is my
193. 7:57stuff?" Um, my money. All I have is snow
194. 8:01cones, and that's all. Um,
195. 8:03and this time I got an answer. I got
196. 8:05three answers, and that's really what I
197. 8:07want to share with you today. I realized
198. 8:11I had been confused about three core
199. 8:14elements, and that gaining clarity on
200. 8:16those elements would help me find
201. 8:18my ever elusive stuff.
202. 8:21So, the first thing I realized is that
203. 8:22there's a difference between being
204. 8:24something
205. 8:25You see, for 2/3 of my life, I had been
206. 8:27being asked the wrong question and then
207. 8:29therefore seeking the wrong answer. Ever
208. 8:32since I was knee-high to a turnip,
209. 8:34someone has been asking me, "Kenya, what
210. 8:36do you want to be when you grow up?"
211. 8:38Well, that question is problematic for
212. 8:40two reasons. First off, it assumes that
213. 8:42you're not being anything right now. And
214. 8:44secondly, it assumes that being
215. 8:46something is the goal.
216. 8:48I wanted to be a pediatrician.
217. 8:50Everybody wanted to be a pediatrician.
218. 8:52I'm really surprised that there's any
219. 8:54childhood illnesses based on all of the
220. 8:56pediatricians that were in my first
221. 8:58grade class.
222. 9:00But the problem is, guys, a pediatrician
223. 9:02isn't a purpose.
224. 9:04A pediatrician isn't a personality. It's
225. 9:06a job. So, what if you're like those
226. 9:09quarter-lifers I just told you about and
227. 9:10you can't get the job? Or you're like me
228. 9:13and you can't keep the job?
229. 9:16Who are you then?
230. 9:18Can you imagine the difference your life
231. 9:20would have taken on had you been asked
232. 9:22just one time who you wanted to be
233. 9:25versus what you wanted to be?
234. 9:28And for my non-quarter-lifers, I have
235. 9:30something for you, too. Part of the
236. 9:31reason why young people think we have to
237. 9:33do things a certain way is because we
238. 9:35watched our parents waste their lives in
239. 9:38jobs they hate, relegating their talents
240. 9:41to the weekend or, worse yet,
241. 9:42retirement. So, be compassionate with
242. 9:45the young people in your life. But also,
243. 9:48don't be afraid to ask yourself who you
244. 9:50want to be. It's not too late.
245. 9:53The second thing I had been confused
246. 9:54about is that there's a difference
247. 9:56between a math tutor and a tennis coach.
248. 10:00You see, most of us spend all of our
249. 10:02time and energy trying to improve on a
250. 10:04skill that we know we lack, i.e. getting
251. 10:07a math tutor, versus trying to master a
252. 10:10skill that we already have, i.e. getting
253. 10:12a tennis coach.
254. 10:14So, no, I'm not saying give up math, but
255. 10:17I'm saying spend some time developing
256. 10:18the thing that you're already good at.
257. 10:21And that's not a backhanded way of me
258. 10:23telling you how to follow your dreams.
259. 10:25In fact, I don't think you should follow
260. 10:27your dreams.
261. 10:28Most of us can only dream as big as we
262. 10:31have seen, which means if we haven't
263. 10:33done it or seen someone close to us do
264. 10:34it, we think we can't do it.
265. 10:37But that's not true.
266. 10:39You can do anything you put your mind
267. 10:41to.
268. 10:43And the last thing that I wanted to
269. 10:44share with you is that everything comes
270. 10:47from nothing, and I just didn't
271. 10:48understand that. Everything, literally
272. 10:51everything was first an idea. I mean,
273. 10:54we're here celebrating ideas worth
274. 10:56spreading. And the cool thing about
275. 10:58ideas is that ideas come from people,
276. 11:01not from money or from titles or even
277. 11:03from first grade pediatricians.
278. 11:05So, that means that your life can be as
279. 11:07big as you think it can be. And
280. 11:09sometimes the easiest way to nurture a
281. 11:12new idea is to abandon all hope in an
282. 11:15old idea.
283. 11:17In that way, the quarter life is the
284. 11:18perfect place to begin.
285. 11:21When I was 28 years old, I got the word
286. 11:23space tattooed on my arm to remind me
287. 11:26that I am the space that gives birth to
288. 11:29all things and all life. So, I want to
289. 11:31leave you with a piece of advice.
290. 11:34The next time you feel lost and
291. 11:35depressed, which will happen, I don't
292. 11:38want you to panic. Instead, I want you
293. 11:40to take a second, take a deep breath,
294. 11:42get quiet, maybe Indian style, close
295. 11:44your eyes, imagine yourself in an empty
296. 11:48room.
297. 11:49But instead of asking, "Where is my
298. 11:51stuff?"
299. 11:53ask, "Who
300. 11:55can I create
301. 11:57from my nothing?"
302. 11:59Thank you.