When Hip-Hop and D&D Collide - Key & Peele — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:01- UH, GREETINGS, ADVENTURERS.
2. 0:03- GREETINGS. - GREETINGS.
3. 0:06- AS YOU ALL CAN SEE HERE,
4. 0:07WE HAVE A NEW TRAVELER IN OUR RANKS.
5. 0:09UH, THIS IS MY COUSIN TYRELL,
6. 0:11AND HE WILL BE CONTROLLING THE PLAYER CHARACTER.
7. 0:15- HIS NAME IS KANYE. HE'S A GIANT, YO.
8. 0:18- [nervously laughing] UH, DEAR COUSIN...
9. 0:22TRADITIONALLY, A--A GIANT IS NOT ASSUMED BY A PLAYER.
10. 0:25IT IS A CHAOTIC, EVIL--
11. 0:27- YEAH, BUT I WANNA BE A GIANT, YO.
12. 0:30ALL BIG.
13. 0:32- OH, OKAY. FINE. [laughing]
14. 0:35WELL, TRAVELERS, YOU ARE JOINED ON YOUR ADVENTURE TODAY
15. 0:38BY A GIANT NAMED KANYE.
16. 0:42NOW WHEN LAST WE LEFT YOU, YOU WERE AT THE INN
17. 0:45OF THE NORTH STAR IN THE TOWN OF ISLEDOR.
18. 0:48HOW DO YOU BEGIN YOUR ADVENTURE?
19. 0:49- I WANNA GET SOME BITCHES.
20. 0:51WHERE THE CLUB AT AT ISLEDOR, YO?
21. 0:53- TYRELL, THIS IS HIGHLY UNUSUAL.
22. 0:55I THINK THE GUYS PROBABLY JUST WANNA GO ON THE QUEST--
23. 0:57- UM, STEPHEN? - YES?
24. 0:58- I WOULD LIKE TO JOIN KANYE THE GIANT IN HIS QUEST.
25. 1:01- SERIOUSLY?
26. 1:05ALL RIGHT.
27. 1:06THE TWO OF YOU ENTER THE TAVERN.
28. 1:09WHAT DO YOU SAY?
29. 1:11- KANYE THE GIANT ORDERS ALIZE.
30. 1:13- HMM, SAYS THE BARKEEP.
31. 1:15UH, I KNOW NOT OF THIS FOREIGN BEVERAGE OF WHICH YOU SPEAK.
32. 1:18PERHAPS YOU'D ENJOY AN ELVEN ALE?
33. 1:20- NO, WE BOTH WANT THE ALIZE.
34. 1:21- ALIZE DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS WORLD.
35. 1:23- KANYE THE GIANT SLAPS THAT BITCH.
36. 1:25- OH!
37. 1:27- KANYE THE GIANT ATTEMPTS TO SLAP THE BARTENDER. HERE.
38. 1:30THE BARTENDER IS HALF-HOBBIT
39. 1:31AND VERY NIMBLE,
40. 1:33SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ROLL AN 18 OR ABOVE TO HIT.
41. 1:3620. - BLIP.
42. 1:37SLAP THAT HOBBIT'S [bleep] OFF, YO.
43. 1:39- OKAY. GOLLIN THE CLERIC,
44. 1:41WOULD YOU CARE TO RESTRAIN KANYE THE GIANT
45. 1:44BEFORE THE TOWN GUARD IS CALLED?
46. 1:46- UH, I GRAB MONEY OUT OF THE REGISTER.
47. 1:48- BUT--BUT--BUT GOLLIN THE CLERIC IS LAWFUL GOOD.
48. 1:50THIS ACT OF THIEVERY
49. 1:52WOULD DISHONOR HIS GODS. - HEY, MAN.
50. 1:53THE ONLY GODS IS MONEY AND BITCHES, DUDE.
51. 1:57- AH! I ACCEPT KANYE THE GIANT'S GODS, AND, UH...
52. 2:01YEAH, I-I-I STEAL SOME OF THE MONEY TOO.
53. 2:03- YOU TOO?
54. 2:06OKAY, WOULD YOU NOW LIKE TO CONTINUE YOUR QUEST
55. 2:09FOR THE LANDS OF CALDAHAR? - FELLAS...
56. 2:11WE CAME HERE FOR BITCHES.
57. 2:13WHERE THE BITCHES AT?
58. 2:14- ALL RIGHT, YOU SEE A BEVY OF WELL-ENDOWED WENCHES.
59. 2:18- GREAT, I GRAB THEM BITCHES, AND WE ALL GO IN MY SUV.
60. 2:22- FINE. KANYE THE GIANT, UDAR THE DWARF,
61. 2:26AND GOLLIN THE CLERIC CLIMB INTO HIS SUV
62. 2:28WITH THEIR BITCHES AND THEIR ILL-GOTTEN GAINS.
63. 2:32- AND OUR ALIZE.
64. 2:33PLUS KANYE THE GIANT PUTS HIS DEMO CD
65. 2:36IN THE CD PLAYER-- - NO, HE DOESN'T.
66. 2:37THERE ARE NO CDs IN THIS WORLD!
67. 2:39YOU KNOW WHAT?
68. 2:41DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
69. 2:48- ALL RIGHT.
70. 2:50I GUESS I'M THE DUNGEON MASTER NOW.
71. 2:52THE EYE OF ONA OPENS UP...
72. 2:5516 TITTIES FALL OUT.
73. 2:57- YEAH! [laughing] - HURRAH!