What People Don't Get About Motivation. — Transcript

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1. 0:00what gives me anxiety is if i go to the
2. 0:02gym
3. 0:03this is the anxious thought because it's
4. 0:04not holding the thoughts here comes the
5. 0:06anxiety the anxiety bumps out
6. 0:07people will think i'm out of shape then
7. 0:09you're no longer focused on going to the
8. 0:10gym
9. 0:10you're focused on what people think this
10. 0:12is the anxiety anxiety is a really
11. 0:15powerful thing to bump motivation out of
12. 0:17your mind
13. 0:19so let's talk a little bit about
14. 0:20motivation chat the first thing to
15. 0:22understand is like
16. 0:23when i ask y'all you know how do you get
17. 0:27motivated
18. 0:27or when i ask you like what is
19. 0:29motivation what do most people say
20. 0:32right so what most people will do is
21. 0:33they'll like look at someone who
22. 0:35they perceive as motivated and they'll
23. 0:37be like oh that person is motivated
24. 0:39and if i ask them like you know what
25. 0:40does that mean to be motivated it means
26. 0:42and then you'll get some kind of answer
27. 0:44like they get up and they do it every
28. 0:46day you know they they get up they
29. 0:47they'll use some kind of like they'll
30. 0:49say like okay they get up they do it
31. 0:50every day
32. 0:51they're dedicated they're disciplined
33. 0:53they have dharma
34. 0:54have a goal and work towards it right
35. 0:56like that's beautiful
36. 0:58examples like they have a goal and they
37. 1:00actually get up and they work towards it
38. 1:02so it's kind of interesting because if
39. 1:04you think about it what that really is
40. 1:05is like you looking from the
41. 1:07outside and observing the behavior
42. 1:10right and you say that oh motivation is
43. 1:13a behavior
44. 1:14because if we're observing from the
45. 1:16outside and this is sort of how western
46. 1:17science works this is actually like a
47. 1:19really interesting bias
48. 1:20that our entire society has is that when
49. 1:23we look for answers to questions we look
50. 1:25from the outside and look in
51. 1:27so this is like in medicine you know
52. 1:29we'll do an x-ray to figure out what's
53. 1:31going on in the lungs
54. 1:32we'll do a biopsy we'll do a blood test
55. 1:34we'll try to get some sort of scientific
56. 1:36external perspective
57. 1:38this is exactly what freud did as well
58. 1:40right so when he was developing his
59. 1:41psychological theories
60. 1:43what he did is talk to other human
61. 1:45beings from the outside
62. 1:47listen to their words and make
63. 1:49implications
64. 1:51about what is going on on the inside so
65. 1:54when we talk about motivation and we
66. 1:56sort of start to think a little bit
67. 1:57about what is motivation
68. 1:58the perspective that we take is from the
69. 2:00outside looking at behavior
70. 2:03so therein lies like one of the biggest
71. 2:05problems and why motivation is a huge
72. 2:07challenge and so if i ask people what is
73. 2:09motivation i'm going to get 100
74. 2:10questions
75. 2:11because it's like 100 people looking at
76. 2:13the out from the outside and then when
77. 2:15you try to duplicate
78. 2:17a behavior it falls apart and why does
79. 2:20it fall apart
80. 2:21is because motivation is nothing about
81. 2:23your behavior it has everything to do
82. 2:24with about the mind
83. 2:26so if we really think about what is
84. 2:27motivation it's an internal thing
85. 2:30okay so like if i say like i'm motivated
86. 2:32i don't like i'm saying things that are
87. 2:33very simple but
88. 2:35motivation exists within the mind it's
89. 2:37not it has nothing to do with behavior
90. 2:38it sounds crazy
91. 2:40it may result in behavior but if we look
92. 2:43at actually what is motivation
93. 2:45it is purely mental it is like within
94. 2:47the mind
95. 2:48and so this is where i think a lot of
96. 2:50people fall short because when
97. 2:52they try to figure out how to get
98. 2:54motivated
99. 2:55what they end up looking at is like
100. 2:57people who are motivated and they try to
101. 2:59like see their behaviors and
102. 3:01duplicate their behaviors and this is
103. 3:03where we get to the just do it kind of
104. 3:05stuff right
105. 3:06just study just go to the library
106. 3:10just go to the gym just take a shower
107. 3:13just start using deodorant just clean
108. 3:16your room
109. 3:17right because like and this is the
110. 3:19problem is like that's all external
111. 3:21stuff
112. 3:21it's all like behavioral stuff it's not
113. 3:23actually motivational stuff
114. 3:25and since our society is so good at
115. 3:28looking from the outside in
116. 3:29that's what science basically is we've
117. 3:32sort of
118. 3:32missed understanding what motivation is
119. 3:36and so then what we end up doing is like
120. 3:38mimicking
121. 3:39the we try to mimic like the outside
122. 3:42behavior right so
123. 3:43they look you look at someone like oh
124. 3:44that dude is motivated they go to the
125. 3:45gym every day
126. 3:46so let me go to the gym every day and
127. 3:48they just mimic the behavior
128. 3:50but this is where like if you just mimic
129. 3:51the behavior without the internal
130. 3:53component you're destined to fail
131. 3:55and this is something that i see a lot
132. 3:56in the spiritual community right you'll
133. 3:58have someone who's like very spiritually
134. 4:00detached
135. 4:01and and like you know like a a monk or
136. 4:04something like that and like that person
137. 4:06is relatively like not materialistic
138. 4:08like they don't care what they wear
139. 4:09they're never wearing jewelry they don't
140. 4:10wear watches they don't care about what
141. 4:12they drive
142. 4:13and things like that and then someone
143. 4:14will look at that person they'll say
144. 4:16like
145. 4:16oh if i want to be spiritual i need to
146. 4:19be non-material
147. 4:20and so they'll impose non-materialism on
148. 4:23themselves but they're completely
149. 4:24missing the point because the spiritual
150. 4:26person
151. 4:27isn't trying to be non-materialistic
152. 4:29they're just genuinely detached they
153. 4:30don't care if they wear a watch or they
154. 4:31don't
155. 4:32wear watch but you're trying to impose
156. 4:34non-materialism from the outside is like
157. 4:36an example of mimicking a behavior
158. 4:38instead of understanding what's inside
159. 4:40the mind of the monk and so the more
160. 4:42that we try to copy
161. 4:44what motivated people do without
162. 4:46understanding what's on the inside the
163. 4:47more destined we are to fail
164. 4:49which is why we have a society of people
165. 4:51who's struggling with motivation
166. 4:53i read an article recently about like
167. 4:55young people in china
168. 4:57who are doing something called laying
169. 4:59flat which means that they're just kind
170. 5:00of chilling like they're not
171. 5:02engaging in sort of like the rat race of
172. 5:05society
173. 5:06and and so it's like they're sort of
174. 5:08like embracing laziness
175. 5:10and they sort of seem kind of
176. 5:11unmotivated or something like that and
177. 5:13it's kind of like it's this thing where
178. 5:14there's something going on inside that
179. 5:16person's mind
180. 5:18that is resulting in a particular
181. 5:20behavior and the biggest mistake that we
182. 5:21make
183. 5:22is we try to duplicate the behavior
184. 5:24instead of understanding what is in the
185. 5:25mind of a motiva
186. 5:26motivated person and so luckily enough
187. 5:29i've had you know some degree of
188. 5:30personal experience in sort of
189. 5:32discovering how to
190. 5:33become motivated and i've also worked
191. 5:35with a lot of like very successful
192. 5:37motivated people
193. 5:38right so i've worked with um you know we
194. 5:40do consulting for a lot of
195. 5:41major tech companies um i've done a lot
196. 5:44of like consulting and worked with like
197. 5:46uh you know mental health startups tech
198. 5:49startups out of mit
199. 5:50and like harvard incubators things like
200. 5:52that i've worked with a couple of
201. 5:54billionaires
202. 5:55who have started successful companies
203. 5:57and sort of here's what i've discovered
204. 5:59when i
205. 5:59ask them i don't observe from the
206. 6:01outside what they've done when i
207. 6:03ask them like what does it mean to be
208. 6:04motivated what is actually going on
209. 6:07inside your head then
210. 6:10like the answer that i get is like
211. 6:12really really interesting okay
212. 6:14and so if you ask people like and let's
213. 6:17before we get to that answer like
214. 6:18i'll ask other people like what do you
215. 6:20think is in the mind of a motivated
216. 6:22person
217. 6:23and so the common answer that we get is
218. 6:25actually um
219. 6:27that you know so we'll say people will
220. 6:28say things like they want it more right
221. 6:30so if i like ask like let's say i just
222. 6:32asked a random person on the street
223. 6:33why is one person successful and one
224. 6:35person not successful
225. 6:37a common answer that i get is because
226. 6:38people want it more
227. 6:40and and so this just simply isn't true
228. 6:43so i know it sounds kind of crazy but
229. 6:45like
230. 6:45you know as an addiction psychiatrist
231. 6:47like i work with people who are sober
232. 6:49hopefully
233. 6:50and i work with people who are not sober
234. 6:52and what i can tell you
235. 6:54with a lot of confidence is that if you
236. 6:56take someone who's one week sober
237. 6:58versus someone who's not sober at all
238. 7:01the person who's
239. 7:02one week sober wants the marijuana or
240. 7:05alcohol way more than the person who's
241. 7:07actively using
242. 7:08that though how much they want it is
243. 7:10actually like so
244. 7:12much stronger in acute one week into
245. 7:15sobriety
246. 7:16than like the person who's using it
247. 7:17every day so it isn't that some people
248. 7:19want it more and we sort of see this
249. 7:20sometimes within our community as well
250. 7:22right like if i'm like
251. 7:24lonely i want companionship
252. 7:27and friends so much more than someone
253. 7:30who like has
254. 7:30friends like we see this sometimes like
255. 7:32in places like the incel community but
256. 7:34let's just
257. 7:35talk about our community as a whole like
258. 7:37there's an epidemic of loneliness and
259. 7:39everyone wants connection more than
260. 7:42anything else
261. 7:43right so wanting it more is not
262. 7:46motivation
263. 7:47that's the first thing to understand
264. 7:49okay and then sometimes we'll also get
265. 7:51these answers like they're disciplined
266. 7:53but then if i ask someone what does it
267. 7:56mean to be disciplined in
268. 7:58someone's mind what does the mind of a
269. 8:00disciplined person look like
270. 8:01okay and then they'll be like they just
271. 8:04get up and do it every day
272. 8:05just there's the just again so when you
273. 8:07ask people like what is the origin of
274. 8:08motivation like they'll give you these
275. 8:10answers like oh they want it more their
276. 8:11discipline but that's all
277. 8:12like one is an external observation of
278. 8:14behavior which is not what motivation is
279. 8:16because motivation is within our mind
280. 8:18we can see the outcomes of motivation
281. 8:20right but we don't
282. 8:21see the inside of it we can see the
283. 8:23effect of it but we still don't know
284. 8:24what it is
285. 8:25and then the problem is if you chase the
286. 8:27effect
287. 8:28and you don't understand like the
288. 8:30equation then you're gonna get stuck
289. 8:32because you can't mimic it because you
290. 8:33don't actually know what it is
291. 8:36so i would argue that motivation is
292. 8:38actually something that's very simple
293. 8:40it is the ability to hold a thought
294. 8:42steady in your mind for a prolonged
295. 8:43period of time
296. 8:44that's all motivation is so i would say
297. 8:46with all of my experience
298. 8:49the one conclusion i've come to about
299. 8:51what motivation is is literally holding
300. 8:53a thought
301. 8:54in your mind for an extended period of
302. 8:55time okay
303. 8:57so let's think about like a new year's
304. 8:59resolution for a second
305. 9:01when someone starts with a new year's
306. 9:02resolution you ask them on day one
307. 9:04they're like i'm going to lose 50 pounds
308. 9:06this year and i ask you on a scale of
309. 9:07one to ten how motivated are you and
310. 9:09they're like i'm 11 out of 10.
311. 9:11i want it i'm motivated i'm gonna do it
312. 9:13it's gonna be good
313. 9:15and if you actually like you know assess
314. 9:17them their motivation is super high
315. 9:20and then two weeks later like their
316. 9:21motivation is still like pretty good
317. 9:24and then a month and two months go by
318. 9:26and three months go by like what changes
319. 9:27in their mind like what
320. 9:28what actually where does the motivation
321. 9:30go and what happens is they have a
322. 9:32thought over here that gets
323. 9:34bumped by another thought right it's
324. 9:37like
325. 9:37oh i need to go to the gym but
326. 9:42i want to stay in bed and there's almost
327. 9:45this like thought
328. 9:46bumping process that destroys motivation
329. 9:49and i know it sounds kind of weird but
330. 9:51like we can also understand this
331. 9:52actually there's a great example of this
332. 9:56which is sort of bizarre which is
333. 9:57procrastination
334. 9:59so if we think about procrastination
335. 10:01procrastination
336. 10:02is your mind's ability to try to
337. 10:04motivate you
338. 10:05okay so it's like let's say i'm going
339. 10:07about my day like i'm going to chill
340. 10:08today i must do some streaming
341. 10:10and then procrastination comes in it's
342. 10:11like but hey we've got a test
343. 10:14and then i'm like oh screw that forget
344. 10:16about the test
345. 10:17and then here comes the thought again oh
346. 10:18we've got a test
347. 10:20oh no forget about that let's play some
348. 10:21legal legends oh we've got a test
349. 10:24no screw you we don't have a test let me
350. 10:26distract myself
351. 10:28so if you think about literally what
352. 10:29procrastination is it is your mind
353. 10:32trying to put a particular thought to be
354. 10:34steady in your mind
355. 10:36and so one week away you know you kind
356. 10:38of get bumped a little bit like here
357. 10:39comes the thought we just push it away
358. 10:40forget you
359. 10:41we don't want to think about the test we
360. 10:43actively try
361. 10:44to not think about the test that's why
362. 10:47we distract ourselves when we
363. 10:48procrastinate and there's that voice
364. 10:49again here comes the thought here's the
365. 10:51test here's the test no no screw you go
366. 10:53away
367. 10:53okay fine and then what happens is the
368. 10:55day before the test
369. 10:57here it comes and then we can't push it
370. 10:59away the ability to push the thought out
371. 11:01of our head disappears
372. 11:03and then our mind is dominated by the
373. 11:05thought of the test
374. 11:07and then we start studying in last
375. 11:08minute panic
376. 11:10right it's kind of fascinating because
377. 11:11if you look at procrastination
378. 11:13it's like your mind's ability to try to
379. 11:15motivate you and get you to study
380. 11:18and we actively try to push it away and
381. 11:20what i find from people who are
382. 11:22you know very very actively motivated is
383. 11:25that they're
384. 11:25literally they don't feel like they're
385. 11:27disciplined they don't feel like they're
386. 11:29amazing
387. 11:30they don't wake up every day with like a
388. 11:32fire in their belly and like
389. 11:34it's not like these montages from movies
390. 11:36it's just they wake up like if you ask
391. 11:38someone who goes to the gym every day
392. 11:40you just ask them like what's in your
393. 11:42head they're like
394. 11:44i'm gonna go to the gym gotta go to the
395. 11:46gym let's go to the gym
396. 11:47that's it they just hold that thought
397. 11:49steady and it doesn't get
398. 11:51bumped by anything else so motivation is
399. 11:54simply the ability
400. 11:56to put something in the center of your
401. 11:58mind
402. 11:59and keep it there right and if you guys
403. 12:02look at
404. 12:03your cases of motivation like some of
405. 12:05y'all may have tried to go like pro in
406. 12:07an esport or you tried to
407. 12:08climb the ladder or something like that
408. 12:10right or you decided like
409. 12:12and like what was in your head when you
410. 12:14were like grinding
411. 12:15out whatever thing it's holding that
412. 12:18thought steady
413. 12:20and so then y'all may say like okay this
414. 12:21is kind of interesting like you know but
415. 12:23is there any science to back this up
416. 12:25and the answer is like overwhelmingly
417. 12:27yes okay so let's like take a quick look
418. 12:29at the science that supports this theory
419. 12:32the first is that like let's take a
420. 12:34disease like adhd
421. 12:36so in adhd what someone's mind is is
422. 12:39like incredibly flighty and incredibly
423. 12:41fast
424. 12:42why on earth would we give a stimulant
425. 12:44medication
426. 12:45to someone whose mind is moving way too
427. 12:48fast
428. 12:49because when you give a stimulant
429. 12:50medication literally what it does in the
430. 12:52mind of someone with adhd
431. 12:54is it allows them to hold a thought a
432. 12:57single thought
433. 12:58in their head for a long period of time
434. 13:00if we look at like adhd and why these
435. 13:02people struggle to be motivated
436. 13:04even though they want it a ton they want
437. 13:07so
438. 13:08bad to be a good student they try so
439. 13:11hard
440. 13:11but their mind literally cannot hold one
441. 13:14thought in their head
442. 13:15when i open my book with adhd and i try
443. 13:18to put my mind on one place it literally
444. 13:21does not stay there
445. 13:22and it goes somewhere else and therefore
446. 13:24i
447. 13:25feel like i can't actually like read
448. 13:27something right
449. 13:28so it's kind of bizarre because it's
450. 13:29like there's a really interesting test
451. 13:31of this hypothesis is that
452. 13:32we actually have a medication that
453. 13:35causes people's minds to sit in one
454. 13:37place
455. 13:38we also see this not just in adhd but if
456. 13:40you think about caffeine
457. 13:42and like when you caffeine when you
458. 13:44drink caffeine and it allows you to
459. 13:46focus
460. 13:46what does that mean allow you to focus
461. 13:48it means it allows your mind to sit on
462. 13:50one thought
463. 13:50and then you get done we also see
464. 13:54holding a thought steady in the mind in
465. 13:56other unfortunate cases in mental health
466. 13:58like in depression
467. 14:00and suicidality right so when i think
468. 14:02about a patient who's highly suicidal
469. 14:04and i ask them and they're like
470. 14:06motivated when i ask them what is going
471. 14:08on in their mind they have
472. 14:10one thought that dominates their mind
473. 14:11which is that i don't want to be alive
474. 14:13anymore i don't deserve to be alive
475. 14:14anymore
476. 14:15it's kind of bizarre but when you think
477. 14:16about people like the people that i'll
478. 14:18actually hospitalize
479. 14:19it's that their mind is dominated by one
480. 14:21thought which leads to a high amount of
481. 14:23motivation
482. 14:24right so it's interesting because we
483. 14:25don't think about someone who's
484. 14:27depressed and suicidal is motivated
485. 14:28but if you really want to be scientific
486. 14:30about it you know
487. 14:32making a suicide attempt requires a huge
488. 14:35amount
489. 14:36of like direction and motivation is it
490. 14:39in the wrong direction
491. 14:40absolutely is it a problem absolutely
492. 14:42should you go get mental health
493. 14:43treatment or an evaluation if that's
494. 14:45happening in your mind
495. 14:47absolutely and at the same time
496. 14:50the mechanism in your mind that leads to
497. 14:53a behavior can be understood
498. 14:55through procrastination through adhd
499. 14:57through addiction and through
500. 14:59depression even and so the next question
501. 15:02that we would ask ourselves is okay dr k
502. 15:04like if this is true
503. 15:06is there data to support this outside of
504. 15:09clinical experience and psychiatry and
505. 15:11stuff like that
506. 15:12like on a more basic science level
507. 15:15is there science to support this idea
508. 15:17and the absolute
509. 15:18the truth is the answer is absolutely
510. 15:20yes
511. 15:21and that is because if if there were a
512. 15:23practice so you could make a hypothesis
513. 15:25that
514. 15:26if there was a practice that you could
515. 15:28do
516. 15:29to keep a thought steady in your mind
517. 15:31for a prolonged period of time
518. 15:34would that result in an increased amount
519. 15:36of motivation
520. 15:37and the answer is yes there have been
521. 15:39thousands of studies on meditation that
522. 15:42show
523. 15:42exactly that so if we look at meditation
524. 15:45what meditation is is it's the ability
525. 15:46to like
526. 15:47tell your mind to do a particular thing
527. 15:49and have it listen
528. 15:51right so we'll concentrate on the breath
529. 15:52we'll concentrate on a yantra
530. 15:54we'll concentrate on a mantra we'll
531. 15:56concentrate on you know
532. 15:57sight or sound or touch and you tell
533. 16:00your mind to do something and this is
534. 16:01what's really fascinating
535. 16:03is is that when you train people to
536. 16:05meditate
537. 16:06what happens is their adhd clinically
538. 16:08gets better
539. 16:10even without adhd what you find so this
540. 16:12is why you know i teach
541. 16:13meditation at like corporations and
542. 16:15stuff and what i find is that people's
543. 16:17like motivation and focus
544. 16:18and their output improves when i teach
545. 16:20them to meditate
546. 16:21you also see this in very rare cases of
547. 16:24like people whose motivational circuitry
548. 16:26is actually like
549. 16:27compromise so if you look at the brain
550. 16:29of some someone who has schizophrenia
551. 16:31they actually have a lot of motivational
552. 16:33problems which seem to be very
553. 16:35neuroscientifically grounded
554. 16:36and the really fascinating thing is that
555. 16:38we don't really have any medications
556. 16:40that will affect their motivation
557. 16:42circuitry we have medications that will
558. 16:44do things like reduce hallucinations
559. 16:46but we don't have medications that will
560. 16:48help those people get out of bed in the
561. 16:49morning
562. 16:51but what is really interesting is there
563. 16:52are studies on schizophrenia and
564. 16:54meditation
565. 16:54that show that meditation is actually
566. 16:56effective at reducing what we call
567. 16:58negative symptoms which is problems like
568. 17:00anhedonia and a motivation
569. 17:03and so it's super fascinating but i
570. 17:04would pause it to you all that you know
571. 17:06the biggest mistake
572. 17:07that people make about motivation is
573. 17:09that when you're trying to motivate
574. 17:11yourself what you're doing is looking
575. 17:13outside you're making an observation of
576. 17:16behavior
577. 17:16instead of understanding my like what's
578. 17:18going on in the inside of the mind
579. 17:20and i want you all to understand that
580. 17:21you can never learn about motivation
581. 17:23from like
582. 17:24looking at someone's behavior motivation
583. 17:26if you really want to understand
584. 17:27motivation you need to look
585. 17:29inside the mind because that's what it
586. 17:30comes that's what it comes down to right
587. 17:32whether i go to the gym or i don't go to
588. 17:34the gym the action
589. 17:36is rooted in what is in my mind and
590. 17:38furthermore if you really
591. 17:40look very carefully across a lot of
592. 17:42different situations like
593. 17:44people addictions mental health you know
594. 17:47studies on meditation what
595. 17:48the conclusion that i've come to is
596. 17:50motivation is simple motivation is
597. 17:52simply the ability to hold a thought in
598. 17:53your head for a prolonged period of time
599. 17:56and what i'll say to you guys is like
600. 17:57you know when i wake up and like
601. 17:59i have a thought it's like i need to
602. 18:01stream today like
603. 18:02that's a thought and the thought is held
604. 18:05in my head and that's how i end up
605. 18:06streaming right because there have been
606. 18:08times today where
607. 18:08you may say but but you need to isn't
608. 18:10that a need no because there have also
609. 18:12been times in my life where it's like
610. 18:14i wake up i have a spanish final today i
611. 18:16need to go to the spanish final
612. 18:18otherwise i will fail spanish class
613. 18:20and then it's like okay let me load up
614. 18:21war three
615. 18:24right so the need is separate the
616. 18:26motivation it's in in that moment what
617. 18:28does my mind do
618. 18:29it here's the spanish final here comes
619. 18:31warcraft three
620. 18:32bump oh now we're playing war three for
621. 18:34eight hours
622. 18:36where did the thought of the spanish
623. 18:37final go it didn't go anywhere
624. 18:39it just disappeared right so i would
625. 18:42pause it to you all that motivation is
626. 18:44the ability to hold
627. 18:45a thought steady in your mind for a
628. 18:47prolonged period of time
629. 18:48and that like once you understand this
630. 18:50thing and as you cultivate the ability
631. 18:52to hold one thought steady in your mind
632. 18:54for a prolonged period of time that's
633. 18:56all it is
634. 18:56you can like literally practice that as
635. 18:59you practice that
636. 19:00you will become more productive you will
637. 19:03become more motivated because that's
638. 19:05what motivation is it's not like some
639. 19:06special
640. 19:07you know fire like sure you can say
641. 19:09dharma and all that kind of stuff but
642. 19:10even if you talk about dharma and other
643. 19:12things what that all results in
644. 19:14the common element to need and should
645. 19:17and duty
646. 19:18and responsibility and passion and
647. 19:21wanting and desire
648. 19:22all of those words through the mechanism
649. 19:25of holding a thought in your mind
650. 19:27when all of that crap holds a thought in
651. 19:29your mind is when you act
652. 19:31and that's that's it can you be
653. 19:34motivated and actively not look forward
654. 19:37to the work you have to carry out
655. 19:38absolutely absolutely
656. 19:41right because motivation is simply
657. 19:43holding thought in my mind
658. 19:45so i can like hold the thought in my
659. 19:46mind that i have to do something today
660. 19:48and as long as i don't displace the
661. 19:50thought i don't have to enjoy it
662. 19:52but it'll get done okay so people are
663. 19:54asking
664. 19:55holding multiple thoughts you can't hold
665. 19:57multiple thoughts in your head
666. 19:58you can only hold one thought how can i
667. 20:01practice
668. 20:02holding a thought in my mind yeah so
669. 20:06one meditation that i think is really
670. 20:08really good for that
671. 20:09is thrataka or fixed point gazing so
672. 20:12dharana techniques which are
673. 20:14focusing techniques will be good for
674. 20:16that so you don't want to do mindfulness
675. 20:17here
676. 20:18although mindfulness is effective but in
677. 20:20my experience there's some
678. 20:21techniques that are more effective which
679. 20:23is dharma
680. 20:25and so someone's asking about obsessions
681. 20:28so
682. 20:29could obsession be a part of it
683. 20:30absolutely right let's think about that
684. 20:32for a second
685. 20:33so if i'm obsessed with something i'm
686. 20:35thinking about it all the time so if you
687. 20:37look at like ocd
688. 20:38right what is ocd like i cannot shake
689. 20:41the thought so if you guys i don't know
690. 20:43if you'll
691. 20:43know this but in in ocd it's obsessive
692. 20:46compulsive disorder so a compulsion is a
693. 20:49behavior
694. 20:49an obsession is a thought so what
695. 20:52happens in ocd
696. 20:53is that people discover that there is a
697. 20:55thought that is lodged in their head
698. 20:57that they can't get out
699. 20:59and the only way to dislodge it is to
700. 21:01engage in a compulsion or a behavior
701. 21:04oh my god my my hands are unclean and
702. 21:07the only way i can dislodge that thought
703. 21:09is by washing them 13 times
704. 21:12and what people sort of figure out what
705. 21:14ocd really is is the compulsions the
706. 21:17behaviors
707. 21:18are solutions to let go of the obsession
708. 21:21so ocd is actually the best example of
709. 21:23this principle
710. 21:25and if you think about people who are
711. 21:26like obsessed with stuff that's all they
712. 21:28think about and that's all they're
713. 21:29motivated towards
714. 21:30right like you can see it in video game
715. 21:33addiction too
716. 21:34desires also focus on one thought no
717. 21:36desire is something else a desire
718. 21:38is a want right it's not a focus on one
719. 21:41thought
720. 21:41like i desire a yacht but i'm not
721. 21:44focused on it
722. 21:4524 7. so a desire is born of the
723. 21:48indriyas or the sense organs
724. 21:50so if we think about where our wants
725. 21:52truly come from they come from our sense
726. 21:54organs
727. 21:55right i can't want a yacht until i see
728. 21:57one and i see like people parting on a
729. 21:59yacht i'm like wow that looks like a lot
730. 22:01of fun
731. 22:01i want that if you're walking down the
732. 22:04street and you smell someone like you
733. 22:05know frying food
734. 22:07it's like wow i want that where did that
735. 22:08want come from
736. 22:10it came from a sensory stimulus so how
737. 22:12do you navigate
738. 22:13life if you have good motivation but no
739. 22:15desires that's the best way to navigate
740. 22:16it
741. 22:18right so like motivation is about
742. 22:20holding particular thoughts and and
743. 22:22here's the thing
744. 22:22desires are the thing that bump the
745. 22:24thought right if i want to eat healthy
746. 22:28and then i smell fried chicken that
747. 22:30bumps
748. 22:31so if we think about what are the things
749. 22:33that bump
750. 22:34the thought that i want to be motivated
751. 22:36towards desires bump
752. 22:39so if you as you become free from
753. 22:41desires you will actually become more
754. 22:43motivated
755. 22:44okay how do you balance holding a single
756. 22:46thought in your mind and bouncing
757. 22:48between activities or being vata
758. 22:49inclined so like
759. 22:50it's actually quite easy because when
760. 22:53you
761. 22:53are doing one thing that is the thought
762. 22:55that you have in your mind
763. 22:56so here's what i'd say as a vata okay so
764. 22:59this morning for example like
765. 23:01i did some writing i did some stream
766. 23:02prep i saw a client and now i'm
767. 23:04streaming
768. 23:06and so if we think about like what
769. 23:07happened is when i sit with a client
770. 23:09that is what my mind is focused on and
771. 23:12then when i'm done sitting with a client
772. 23:15my mind shifts to something else and
773. 23:16that's what i hold and i work on that
774. 23:19and then like now that i'm streaming
775. 23:21this is what my mind is on so i'm like
776. 23:23this is the thought that's in my mind
777. 23:24it's like now it's time to stream
778. 23:26so you can rotate between things in your
779. 23:29mind that's okay
780. 23:30and then you're going to be motivated to
781. 23:31the for those for that period of time
782. 23:34what if focusing on the thought of what
783. 23:36i need to do gives me anxiety
784. 23:38yeah so that's a good question but
785. 23:40that's where focusing
786. 23:42on the thing that you need to do does
787. 23:44not give you anxiety
788. 23:45i know this is gonna sound weird so the
789. 23:47question was what if focusing on the
790. 23:49thing that i need to do gives me anxiety
791. 23:51that is
792. 23:51incorrect that is not what is giving you
793. 23:53anxiety
794. 23:55what is giving you anxiety is the
795. 23:56consequences of doing it or not doing it
796. 23:59it's not focusing on the thing it's the
797. 24:02outcome of the thing that leads to
798. 24:03anxiety
799. 24:04so this is the other thing remember it's
800. 24:05holding a thought steady
801. 24:07so if the thought that i'm holding is go
802. 24:10to the gym
803. 24:12what gives me anxiety is if i go to the
804. 24:14gym
805. 24:15this is the anxious thought because it's
806. 24:16not holding the thoughts of here comes
807. 24:18the anxiety the anxiety bumps out
808. 24:19people will think i'm out of shape then
809. 24:21you're no longer focused on going to the
810. 24:22gym
811. 24:22you're focused on what people think this
812. 24:24is the anxiety anxiety is a really
813. 24:27powerful thing
814. 24:28to bump motivation out of your mind do
815. 24:30you all get that
816. 24:31it's it's critical to understand this
817. 24:34because it's so damn subtle
818. 24:36but it's huge to understand this
819. 24:39focusing on the task is not what gives
820. 24:41you anxiety in fact
821. 24:42anxiety is what keeps you from focusing
822. 24:44on the task the nature of anxiety is the
823. 24:47consequence
824. 24:48of doing the task or or not doing the
825. 24:50task if i don't go to the gym people
826. 24:52will think i'm fat if i go to the gym
827. 24:54people will think i'm fat
828. 24:56that's not focusing on going to the gym
829. 24:58it's focusing on people thinking you're
830. 24:59fat
831. 25:01do you all understand that this is
832. 25:02critical
833. 25:04do you guys get that anxiety is the
834. 25:08biggest hammer that knocks crap out of
835. 25:10your mind
836. 25:13this is crucial to understand it doesn't
837. 25:17actually keep
838. 25:18the thought it keeps the consequences of
839. 25:20the thought
840. 25:21okay what if nothing but the that
841. 25:23hedonistic dopamine
842. 25:25can't think of any goal like for my life
843. 25:28outside of the next dopamine thing
844. 25:30also worrisome since i'm almost 40. so
845. 25:32this is another good example of like a
846. 25:34question that
847. 25:35gets at the general topic but is missing
848. 25:38the general point
849. 25:39so goals have nothing to do with
850. 25:41motivation
851. 25:43okay another weird thing
852. 25:46right so if you like really talk to
853. 25:48people who are highly motivated they're
854. 25:50usually not motivated towards a goal
855. 25:52they can be
856. 25:54but like you know people who are
857. 25:56motivated tend to focus on the action
858. 25:59not the goal so if you think about like
859. 26:02you know the best students
860. 26:04some of them may really want to like get
861. 26:05a 4.0 gpa and that's what they're
862. 26:07thinking about but what they're really
863. 26:08thinking about is like the task
864. 26:12if we think about things like flow
865. 26:13states and optimal productivity and
866. 26:15motivation
867. 26:17it's like devoting yourself to the task
868. 26:19at hand not the goal
869. 26:21and so if you're motivated like if your
870. 26:24motivations are based on hedonistic
871. 26:26dopamine like that's absolutely why
872. 26:28you're not going to get anywhere right
873. 26:29because let's think about hedonistic
874. 26:31dopamine for a second so what is the
875. 26:32relationship between
876. 26:33hedonistic dopaminergic stuff and like
877. 26:36this model of motivation
878. 26:38so what that means is that i am highly
879. 26:40motivated towards something like oh i
880. 26:42wanna smoke pot
881. 26:43and then i smoke the pot and then what
882. 26:45happens to the thought it disappears i'm
883. 26:46good
884. 26:47and then another thought comes in oh now
885. 26:49i wanna eat cheetos
886. 26:51and then i satisfy that thought in my
887. 26:53mind
888. 26:54and then i get a dopamine hit and then
889. 26:56it's like okay let's play some games
890. 26:58and then you get that dopamine hit and
891. 27:00so if you really think about it what
892. 27:01what's happening is you have tiny
893. 27:02amounts of motivation towards individual
894. 27:04tasks
895. 27:05which is why you call yourself
896. 27:06unmotivated in life
897. 27:08because there's no central thought that
898. 27:10you hold on to
899. 27:11literally dopamine hedonistic indulgence
900. 27:14and dopamine reinforcement
901. 27:17doesn't lead to what we call motivation
902. 27:19on the outside because you're not
903. 27:21actually holding a thought
904. 27:22in the middle of your mind for a long
905. 27:24period of time dopaministic
906. 27:26hedonistic like dopamine satisfaction is
907. 27:29actually like just cycling like
908. 27:31random thoughts and being motivated
909. 27:33towards them
910. 27:34right and that's what it means it's like
911. 27:35okay now i'm going to eat this thing and
912. 27:36then i'm going to do this and then i'm
913. 27:38going to do this and then i'm going to
914. 27:39do this
915. 27:42so this is why i think like this once
916. 27:44you understand the principle
917. 27:45that all motivation is is holding one
918. 27:48thought in your mind
919. 27:49a lot of these questions will start to
920. 27:51make sense and this is the problem is
921. 27:53that everyone has these questions what
922. 27:55about dopamine
923. 27:56what about anxiety what about this what
924. 27:58about that e equals m c
925. 27:59squared once you understand it equals mc
926. 28:01squared you can take any number of test
927. 28:03cases
928. 28:04revolving involving this crap and it can
929. 28:06all be reduced down to the equation
930. 28:08and the problem with motivation right
931. 28:10now is that everyone is looking at all
932. 28:12of these random things like oh there's
933. 28:13research on dopamine so let me go read
934. 28:15about that and
935. 28:16what about dopamine what about anxiety
936. 28:17what about this what about that
937. 28:19all that crap can be reduced down to
938. 28:21holding a thought steadily in your head
939. 28:23that's it how do i get self-discipline
940. 28:26to achieve long-term goals
941. 28:27you don't this is the problem that kind
942. 28:30of thinking
943. 28:31is the problem because that is a
944. 28:33thinking of
945. 28:35from that comes from looking from the
946. 28:37outside right you
947. 28:38like where do you get the idea that
948. 28:40there is a thing called self-discipline
949. 28:42and where do you get the idea that there
950. 28:44is a long-term goal
951. 28:45like what is that based on it's based on
952. 28:48observing
953. 28:49other people and concluding oh that
954. 28:52person has self-discipline because
955. 28:54they're able to move towards a long-term
956. 28:55goal
957. 28:56but if you actually ask that person are
958. 28:59you disciplined
959. 29:00they will they may say yes and they may
960. 29:03say no
961. 29:04discipline is not a thing in your mind
962. 29:07discipline is an emergent property it's
963. 29:10like
964. 29:10flight but it's not a feather it's not a
965. 29:13wing it's not a bird it's not a muscle
966. 29:16discipline is not something that you can
967. 29:18create it's an emergent property
968. 29:20from other things and so this is the
969. 29:23problem is like if you set out
970. 29:24trying to create flight you will never
971. 29:26be able to create it
972. 29:28what you have to do is create the
973. 29:29components of flight
974. 29:31and then flight will emerge a feather is
975. 29:34not flight a muscle is not flight a bone
976. 29:35is not flight
977. 29:37in that same way discipline is an
978. 29:39emergent property that you can see from
979. 29:41the outside
980. 29:42but how you make it and what you observe
981. 29:44are fundamentally different
982. 29:45do you guys get that the question is
983. 29:48rooted in a false understanding of the
984. 29:50thing and it's it's simply like you guys
985. 29:52get this
986. 29:52the reason no one finds self-discipline
987. 29:55is because it's not a real thing
988. 29:57and everyone's constantly asking
989. 29:58themselves how do i get self-discipline
990. 30:00to achieve long-term goals
991. 30:02and you're setting yourself up for a
992. 30:04standard that when you don't get you
993. 30:06feel like you beat yourself up and you
994. 30:07feel like a dumb ass
995. 30:10and it's like impossible to begin with
996. 30:11which is why a thousand people are
997. 30:13asking the question
998. 30:14and a thousand people are failing
999. 30:17and then once you're dealing with that
1000. 30:18negative emotion of like oh look at all
1001. 30:20these disciplined people out there and
1002. 30:21like i suck
1003. 30:22that makes things even worse because
1004. 30:25then
1005. 30:25anytime you try to do something guess
1006. 30:27what's coming
1007. 30:29let me go to the gym i suck
1008. 30:32i suck i suck i suck and then you sit
1009. 30:35there at home and you never go to the
1010. 30:37gym
1011. 30:40it's tough this is the problem is people
1012. 30:43don't understand
1013. 30:44the root of what motivation is and once
1014. 30:47you understand what it is on the inside
1015. 30:49and you start to cultivate it then
1016. 30:52long-term goals will start to get
1017. 30:54achieved it's like i know this sounds
1018. 30:56kind of weird but do you guys
1019. 30:58think i have long-term goals i do not
1020. 31:01have long-term goals
1021. 31:04would you describe me as motivated if i
1022. 31:07accomplished a lot
1023. 31:08sure do i have long-term goals no
1024. 31:11it's bizarre right like what do i do
1025. 31:14like i wake up and it's like what do i
1026. 31:16need to do today
1027. 31:18so when i ask y'all like you know why
1028. 31:19why we're doing this why are we doing
1029. 31:21this instead of talking to someone
1030. 31:22because i we ask ourselves the questions
1031. 31:24is like the mission of the organization
1032. 31:26it's like
1033. 31:26what do these people need it's not about
1034. 31:28the law it's not like
1035. 31:30i know this sounds kind of weird but i
1036. 31:31want you to just think about this for a
1037. 31:32second right we don't wake up at healthy
1038. 31:33gamer
1039. 31:34and think to ourselves a decade from now
1040. 31:37where do we want gamers to be that is
1041. 31:40not the question we ask ourselves
1042. 31:43the question that we ask ourselves is
1043. 31:45what do you all need now
1044. 31:47who the i don't know where you all are
1045. 31:49going to be in 10 years
1046. 31:50how on earth what is it like i don't
1047. 31:52know but what i know is y'all need
1048. 31:53something today
1049. 31:55and so it's like we sit there and we ask
1050. 31:56ourselves okay what do gamers need
1051. 31:58all right they don't understand
1052. 31:59motivation let's do a bit about
1053. 32:01motivation
1054. 32:02okay people have questions on the
1055. 32:03subreddit let's answer those questions
1056. 32:06and this is what a present focused
1057. 32:08mindset means
1058. 32:11right it's like focusing on like like
1059. 32:13what is your long-term goal to lose 50
1060. 32:15pounds like that's not
1061. 32:16that doesn't get you to go to the gym or
1062. 32:19it can sometimes
1063. 32:21but what gets you to go to the gym is to
1064. 32:22hold that thought centrally in your mind
1065. 32:25and for some people it doesn't sort of
1066. 32:26matter what thought as long as it gets
1067. 32:27you to go to the gym
1068. 32:28if the thought that you're holding
1069. 32:29centrally is i need to lose 50 pounds
1070. 32:31and you hold it in your mind constantly
1071. 32:32you'll be motivated
1072. 32:34if the thought is i need to go to the
1073. 32:35gym today you'll be motivated you'll go
1074. 32:39so the goal itself is not as important
1075. 32:42is the mechanism through which the goal
1076. 32:43acts in your mind
1077. 32:45does that make sense and this is the
1078. 32:47problem is everyone is
1079. 32:48out there looking for the right goal
1080. 32:50like you're thinking if you find the
1081. 32:52magical formula then it'll sit in your
1082. 32:54mind automatically
1083. 32:57right you're trying to but you just need
1084. 33:00to get it to sit in your mind like
1085. 33:02practice that that's what that is yeah
1086. 33:05this is a good question so revelation be
1087. 33:08asked what does need to mean
1088. 33:09exactly what does that even mean