What my mama told me: Edith Eva Eger at TEDxLaJolla — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Translator: Elisabetta Siagri Reviewer: Tanya Cushman
2. 0:12I would be so privileged if you would allow me,
3. 0:18for the few minutes that you've given me,
4. 0:21to be your mom,
5. 0:24your grandma,
6. 0:26your great-grandma.
7. 0:28(Laughter)
8. 0:29I have four generations.
9. 0:32What a joy for me to be here with you.
10. 0:36And with your permission,
11. 0:38I'm going to take you on a ride.
12. 0:41I want to share with you what my mom told me
13. 0:46that truly, truly changed my life - the past and the present.
14. 0:54The time is 1944.
15. 1:00My dad, my sister Magda and I
16. 1:05and my mom,
17. 1:07we were on our way to Auschwitz.
18. 1:12And my mom held me, and this is what she said.
19. 1:16She said, "We don't know where we're going.
20. 1:18We don't know what's going to happen.
21. 1:20Just remember,
22. 1:22no one can take away from you what you put here in your own mind."
23. 1:28And this is exactly what happened.
24. 1:30We arrived in Auschwitz.
25. 1:34I saw the sign. I didn't know where I was.
26. 1:38My father was separated,
27. 1:40and I stood in front of Doctor Mengele, "the Angel of Death."
28. 1:47He pointed my mom to go to the left
29. 1:49and my sister and I to the right.
30. 1:53I followed my mom,
31. 1:55and he grabbed me, looked me in the eye -
32. 1:58that I never forget that look -
33. 2:01and he said: "You're going to see your mother very soon;
34. 2:04she's just going to take a shower,"
35. 2:06and promptly threw me on the other side -
36. 2:10which meant life.
37. 2:14I suffered so many years from survivor's guilt and shame,
38. 2:20wondering, "Why me?"
39. 2:23There were people who were so much prettier than I was.
40. 2:29I had two very beautiful sisters,
41. 2:32and after two beautiful sisters, my parents wanted a son,
42. 2:36and guess what happened!
43. 2:38They got me,
44. 2:40and I was the runt in my family.
45. 2:42My sisters took me for a walk,
46. 2:45and they blindfolded me because I was cross-eyed.
47. 2:49Today, I speak at schools.
48. 2:52I'm really guiding the precious children
49. 2:54not to allow anyone to define who you are.
50. 2:57You're beautiful because God doesn't make junk.
51. 3:01And so, here I was asking - it was called Birkenau -
52. 3:07I asked one of the inmates, "When will I see my mother?"
53. 3:11She pointed at a chimney,
54. 3:13and she said to me very coldly, "She's burning there."
55. 3:17So there was no help from the outside,
56. 3:20but I still had my mind and my sister Magda.
57. 3:25She was the pretty one in my family, the sexy one.
58. 3:30And when we were completely shaved,
59. 3:32she came to me with hair in her palms and said, "How do I look?"
60. 3:38It's a Hungarian woman's question -
61. 3:41we're pretty vain -
62. 3:43and I knew and I discovered
63. 3:46Auschwitz was all about discovering traits I never thought were possible.
64. 3:52And instead of telling Magda how she really looked,
65. 3:54I found something, something that she still had left,
66. 3:58and I said to her, "Magda, you have such beautiful eyes,
67. 4:03and you know,
68. 4:04I really didn't see it when you had your hair covering your eyes."
69. 4:10So I hope that you're going to relate tonight.
70. 4:13Pay attention to the kind of words that you put in your mind
71. 4:17so you can empower someone
72. 4:20and see in which way I can be your guide tonight.
73. 4:30Doctor Mengele
74. 4:33appeared in our barracks
75. 4:35and looked for the talents,
76. 4:38and my friends volunteered me
77. 4:42because I was a student of ballet.
78. 4:48I was a good gymnast.
79. 4:52I danced for the president of Hungary, Admiral Horthy,
80. 4:56and I found myself in front of Doctor Mengele, dancing.
81. 5:00And again, my mind was with me, and I was able to check out,
82. 5:06and I pretended that the music was Tchaikovsky
83. 5:10and I was dancing the Romeo and Juliet at the Budapest Opera House.
84. 5:15He gave me a piece of bread, which I shared with my girls.
85. 5:20Life was really difficult in Auschwitz
86. 5:22because we never knew what's going to happen next.
87. 5:28We didn't know when we took a shower
88. 5:30whether water is going to come out or gas is going to come out.
89. 5:35And then, what we had to do is, again, somehow survive.
90. 5:41I remember we stood in line every morning, four o'clock,
91. 5:46and I, I began to fantasize about my boyfriend.
92. 5:52And I said to myself, "If I survive today, then tomorrow I'll be free."
93. 5:58Tomorrow, tomorrow - always looking ahead.
94. 6:02And I learned to say - instead of "Why me?" -
95. 6:05"What now?" and "What next?"
96. 6:07I had a tremendous curiosity that really was so powerful
97. 6:13that I was able to make it day by day.
98. 6:18But we had to be committed to each other;
99. 6:22otherwise, we never would have made it.
100. 6:24Cooperation was the name of the game.
101. 6:27Not competition, not domination
102. 6:30because all we had was each other then
103. 6:33and all we have is each other now.
104. 6:37In December,
105. 6:40they took me out of Auschwitz.
106. 6:42I became a slave laborer,
107. 6:44and I was transported to a place called Mauthausen to enter a death march.
108. 6:51And in a death march, when you stopped, you were shot right away.
109. 6:56And while I was just about to collapse myself,
110. 7:00and my friends, whom I shared the bread with,
111. 7:04they came and they formed a chair with their arms,
112. 7:08and they carried me so I wouldn't die.
113. 7:10Isn't that amazing?
114. 7:13That the worst conditions can bring out the best in us?
115. 7:19I was liberated May 4th - it's coming up - 1945,
116. 7:25by the 71st Infantry.
117. 7:27I was so privileged
118. 7:30that I am working now with the military, doing work with PTSD.
119. 7:35I was invited to Fort Carson, Colorado City,
120. 7:40and I realized when I arrived that it's the home of the 71st Infantry.
121. 7:46You see how life comes around?
122. 7:49And now, today, as I'm standing here in front of you,
123. 7:53I can tell you I have nothing but gratitude.
124. 7:56We don't seem to appreciate, sometimes, what we have until we lose it.
125. 8:01Every morsel of food.
126. 8:05The walk on this beautiful beach.
127. 8:10I never throw out a piece of bread.
128. 8:13If you take me out to dinner, chances are I may eat up your leftovers.
129. 8:18It's really painful for me, my daughter keeps telling me
130. 8:22and my precious grandson, Jordan.
131. 8:25Please, let people know that beauty of mine.
132. 8:29Come on, stand up, Jordan! Jordan!
133. 8:32(Applause)
134. 8:34That's the best revenge! That's the best revenge - my kind!
135. 8:39That's all.
136. 8:41Not only do I have three children;
137. 8:44I have five grandchildren and three beautiful great-grandsons.
138. 8:50That's revenge - my kind.
139. 8:53But I was not really able to have the joy and the compassion
140. 9:00until I was able to return to Auschwitz,
141. 9:04until I was able to go back to that lion's den
142. 9:07and look at the lion in the face -
143. 9:09until I was able to somehow reclaim my innocence,
144. 9:13assign the shame and guilt to the perpetrator
145. 9:16and finally forgive myself that I survived.
146. 9:21You see, revenge gives you satisfaction,
147. 9:26but I think it's very temporary.
148. 9:29It just saps you of so much energy.
149. 9:32But forgiveness - believe me -
150. 9:36has given me the ultimate, the ultimate spiritual freedom.
151. 9:42So, as I stand here in front of you today,
152. 9:46I can tell you that I'm so blessed today
153. 9:49that I can guide people from darkness to light,
154. 9:54from prison to freedom
155. 9:57and to find that, perhaps,
156. 10:00the biggest concentration camp is right in your own mind
157. 10:05and the key is in your pocket.
158. 10:10What keeps me young today?
159. 10:13That I live in the present
160. 10:16because I can only touch you now.
161. 10:19If you'd please like to hold hand in hand.
162. 10:22We all have a little skin hunger.
163. 10:24So please touch, hold hands!
164. 10:29And I, too, believe somehow, as I am able to stand here,
165. 10:34look at you precious young people,
166. 10:37that you are the future.
167. 10:40With TED, you and I can empower each other with our differences
168. 10:47and never kicking each other into submission
169. 10:50because that would be the beginning of the end
170. 10:53of the beautiful democracy that I came to this country for.
171. 10:57So just remember, you can make a difference.
172. 11:02And remember my mom's words,
173. 11:06that everything can be taken away from us
174. 11:10except what you put in your own mind.
175. 11:14So I hope that you will be very careful and very selective
176. 11:20with the words that you can put in your mind
177. 11:23so your life would be as beautiful as mine has become,
178. 11:29and you and I can truly celebrate
179. 11:34the beautiful gift that God has given us called life.
180. 11:39Thank you!
181. 11:40(Applause)