What Men Wish Women Understood About Dating | Let Him Mansplain — Transcript

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1. 0:00Do you think men intrinsically value
2. 0:02their time a little bit more than women?
3. 0:04Not in a self-perception kind of way,
4. 0:06but since their time is could be used to
5. 0:09make money or to build their careers.
6. 0:13>> Men have to justify their investments.
7. 0:16>> Yes. I think guys invest their time
8. 0:18strategically. I don't think they just
9. 0:20fill gaps in like, oh, I'm going to go
10. 0:22on a little hike today or I'm going to
11. 0:24go get my nails done.
12. 0:24>> It's all more intentional.
13. 0:25>> It's very intentional. like, okay, I'm
14. 0:28going to go to the gym for two hours a
15. 0:29day because I need it.
16. 0:31>> I think men have a a a certain assurance
17. 0:35that their prime is their prime.
18. 0:38>> Yes.
19. 0:38>> And so they don't want to spend that
20. 0:41time on things that are not going to
21. 0:42have a return on the investment.
22. 0:44>> Guys are very analytical people. It's
23. 0:46all investment to them. It's like, okay,
24. 0:48what is this? How's this going to grow
25. 0:50me personally? It's like, is this time
26. 0:52going to benefit me? Not all guys are
27. 0:54like that, but I'm talking guys who are
28. 0:55like me. Like, it's an investment each
29. 0:57one of my days. Like, it's important to
30. 0:59me. I want to make sure I can grow.
31. 1:01Like, when I wake up, how can I glorify
32. 1:03the Lord today? Number one. Number two,
33. 1:04how can I fill up my schedule to do
34. 1:06things and activities today that are
35. 1:07going to help grow me personally? Not
36. 1:09just because I just want to fill in the
37. 1:10blank. How am I going to properly spend
38. 1:12my time?
39. 1:12>> And let me help the women understand
40. 1:14this because I know what you're saying,
41. 1:15>> but women would probably, you know,
42. 1:18women who have been just steeped in
43. 1:19common feminist culture.
44. 1:20>> Yeah. will listen to that and say,
45. 1:23"Well, he should just be honored that
46. 1:25he's spending time with me." Or you look
47. 1:29at things like an investment, like
48. 1:31that's so unemotional. Where's the
49. 1:33humanity in that? Or
50. 1:35>> wow, you're spending your time like
51. 1:38thinking about this in terms of a dollar
52. 1:40amount
53. 1:40>> or something that you have to get ROI
54. 1:43out of. Like
55. 1:44>> that's so inhumane. Men do that
56. 1:49because women do that to them.
57. 1:51>> Yeah.
58. 1:52>> Women are very interested in how much
59. 1:56he's making or on a trajectory to make.
60. 1:59>> She's very interested in getting a
61. 2:02return on her investment in a man
62. 2:04because you, the man, will represent the
63. 2:07life that she's going to have in the
64. 2:09future. And so you are making as a woman
65. 2:11the same calculation that he's making.
66. 2:13>> Yeah. You're just making it about him.
67. 2:16He's making it about his own time
68. 2:18because his own time is going to be
69. 2:20100%. If you're in a relationship and if
70. 2:22you're married, your time is 100%
71. 2:24obligated to make sure you create the
72. 2:26life that you envision for both of you.
73. 2:28>> Yes.
74. 2:29>> And you have enough money coming in to
75. 2:31make that life happen. You have the
76. 2:33vision set out.
77. 2:35>> Like everyone views your time like that.
78. 2:38Yet it's a sin when you view it like
79. 2:39that because a woman thinks it's
80. 2:41inhumane and he should just be blessed
81. 2:42to spend time with me. No, you think
82. 2:44about his time in that exact same way.
83. 2:46You're just wanting to spend time with
84. 2:48him so you can gather better information
85. 2:50on your potential investment in him.
86. 2:52>> Yeah.
87. 2:53>> And so don't fool yourself, young women.
88. 2:55>> Yeah.
89. 2:56>> Or aggressive, ambitious women, that
90. 3:00your assessment of or his assessment of
91. 3:02himself and his time is high ROI or low
92. 3:07ROI. Don't criticize the way that he
93. 3:08thinks about it because you're thinking
94. 3:10about it in a probably less humane way
95. 3:12because you're thinking about him in
96. 3:13terms of what life can he give me.
97. 3:15>> Yes.
98. 3:16>> And if the young men don't think sort of
99. 3:18that way about themselves, then they're
100. 3:22not going to be able to give you the
101. 3:23life that you want because only oneird
102. 3:26I'm sorry, one twothirds of men actually
103. 3:28reproduce ever.
104. 3:30>> Onethird of men in every generation do
105. 3:32not end up having children. Their
106. 3:34bloodlines do not continue. So men have
107. 3:36to continually justify their existence.
108. 3:40But women come into this world already
109. 3:42being loved most of the times by her dad
110. 3:44as a father. She doesn't have to. He's
111. 3:46proud of her from the get.
112. 3:48>> Yeah.
113. 3:49>> She has inherent and and this is going
114. 3:51to piss some people off, but she has
115. 3:52inherent biological value because of her
116. 3:55natural ability to create children. She
117. 3:57is built in with the things that make
118. 3:59her completely
119. 4:01invaluable to society.
120. 4:04Young men, on the other hand,
121. 4:07you will be loved by your mother,
122. 4:10>> but your dad is not going to say that
123. 4:11he's proud of you until you do
124. 4:13something.
125. 4:13>> Yeah.
126. 4:14>> That is worth being proud of.
127. 4:16>> I know young men who are still waiting
128. 4:18for their fathers to say that they're
129. 4:19proud of them and they're in their 30s.
130. 4:21>> Yeah, it's a real thing.
131. 4:23>> But men have to justify their value to
132. 4:26the world. So, they have to build
133. 4:28something. They have to accomplish
134. 4:29something. They have to have a certain
135. 4:31income to be able for the women, the
136. 4:35selectors to say, "Okay, yes, you're
137. 4:38worth my investment." So the question is
138. 4:40then when you are dating him, how do you
139. 4:43become a woman that is immediately worth
140. 4:46his time so that he doesn't have to do
141. 4:48all these calculations of what ROI am I
142. 4:51going to get?
143. 4:51>> Sure.
144. 4:52>> Because you're both thinking about each
145. 4:54other in terms of an investment.
146. 4:55>> Holy moly. I I I would say that the the
147. 4:58main thing that guys look for in a
148. 5:00future partner with that is is number
149. 5:02one um somebody who is willing to have
150. 5:06patience with them. Number one, because
151. 5:09guys need more patience. We tend to
152. 5:12>> because women have a civilizing effect
153. 5:14on men. Men will not become fully
154. 5:16civilized without the presence of a
155. 5:18woman. You've all seen a bachelor pad
156. 5:19before.
157. 5:20>> Uh yes. Yes. We I've lived in a few of
158. 5:22them. Uh but uh number one is patience.
159. 5:25Number two I would like to say is
160. 5:28somebody who is supportive that even if
161. 5:32we make a little mistake here and there
162. 5:34that we can grow through it. Um
163. 5:37>> and typically men know when they make a
164. 5:38mistake and will correct themselves.
165. 5:40They do not need you to
166. 5:41>> point it out.
167. 5:42>> But supportive meaning that we if we
168. 5:44make a mistake you just got to have
169. 5:45faith in us that we're going to we're
170. 5:46going to grow through this.
171. 5:49Most women will reserve their own belief
172. 5:52in men until he does something that is
173. 5:54worth her belief.
174. 5:55>> Yeah.
175. 5:55>> Would you say that women need to reverse
176. 5:57that? Meaning you should just believe in
177. 5:59the man and then he'll grow into it.
178. 6:01>> I'd say there's accountability
179. 6:02throughout the it spiritually if you if
180. 6:05if he's heading the wrong direction with
181. 6:07his walk with the Lord, absolutely a
182. 6:09girl should step up and say, "Hey,
183. 6:10what's going on? Like I just want I care
184. 6:12for you. I just wanted to bring this up
185. 6:14to see how we can grow through this
186. 6:16together." Those type of opinions are
187. 6:18great, but if it's if it's the little
188. 6:19micro things here and there like, "Oh, I
189. 6:21I I'm switching jobs or I decided to um
190. 6:24move to a new apartment or maybe she
191. 6:26doesn't like that apartment." Little
192. 6:27things just you got to have faith in the
193. 6:29guy a little bit here because he's
194. 6:30trying to make sure he can provide the
195. 6:31best he can. But if it's anything at a
196. 6:33level where because back to the equally
197. 6:35yolked conversation, if you see
198. 6:37something that in his life he's not
199. 6:38really glorifying the Lord, what he's
200. 6:40doing, absolutely. I think it's the the
201. 6:41greatest thing for a gal to go up to a
202. 6:43guy and say because she has maybe a
203. 6:44different perspective about it. Let me
204. 6:46say this. You've heard the grass is
205. 6:48always greener.
206. 6:48>> Yes.
207. 6:49>> Then you've also heard the addition,
208. 6:50"Well, the grass is green where you
209. 6:51water it."
210. 6:52>> Yeah.
211. 6:53>> Women do not understand that their words
212. 6:56are either the water or the scorching
213. 6:59sun that will kill the grass.
214. 7:01>> Lack of belief in him
215. 7:03>> will come out in her words and they will
216. 7:04wither him so fast. And I've seen it
217. 7:07happen in relationships where the
218. 7:09girlfriend is trying to inspire him to
219. 7:12be better. And by inspiring him, she's
220. 7:14getting a hammer and beating him down.
221. 7:17>> Yep.
222. 7:18>> And she's frustrated because she's like,
223. 7:20"I'm just trying to get him to do
224. 7:21different."
225. 7:22>> Well, maybe he's growing into the person
226. 7:26that you already believe him to be.
227. 7:28Because if you don't believe in him,
228. 7:30first of all, why are you with him? If
229. 7:32you don't believe in him, honestly.
230. 7:33>> So true.
231. 7:34>> But second, say you're you're married.
232. 7:36>> Sure.
233. 7:37>> You can't just leave.
234. 7:38>> No, [laughter] you should. I hope not.
235. 7:39>> You shouldn't just leave your not. Yeah.
236. 7:42Don't leave. Have to change your
237. 7:44perspective of I believe that he is this
238. 7:46amazing man and I'm going to encourage
239. 7:48the things out of him that I want to see
240. 7:49more of
241. 7:51>> and I'm going to speak life over him
242. 7:54>> as opposed to being the scorching sun
243. 7:56and withering him into making him
244. 7:58better.
245. 7:59>> That was first of all that that's
246. 8:00perfectly said because a lot of guys
247. 8:02need to hear that out there and a lot of
248. 8:03girls need to hear that as well.
249. 8:04>> A lot of girls need to learn how to
250. 8:06control their tongue especially when
251. 8:07they're dating.
252. 8:08>> That is a lot of situations why I see
253. 8:09breakups is because they can't control
254. 8:10the tongue.
255. 8:12>> [music]