What Makes You Happy or Unhappy- Day 08 — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:06Hello and welcome to day eight of
2. 0:08Lifebook's 30-day transformational
3. 0:11challenge. I'm so happy to have you here
4. 0:12with me today. Yesterday, we began our
5. 0:15exploration of the emotional life
6. 0:17category. And today we're going to go a
7. 0:18little deeper into this hugely important
8. 0:21category of our lives. And today, we're
9. 0:24going to end with a powerful exercise
10. 0:26that's really going to help you move the
11. 0:27needle in your emotional life. I can
12. 0:30tell you from personal experience, this
13. 0:32exercise is a game-changer. It's it's
14. 0:34totally helped me in my own life improve
15. 0:37this category immensely, and I've seen
16. 0:39it help hundreds and hundreds of other
17. 0:41Lifebook members as well. So, I'm really
18. 0:43really happy to share it with you.
19. 0:45I think that pretty much everybody
20. 0:47understands that a healthy emotional
21. 0:49life is indispensable for living a a
22. 0:52happy, successful life. And certainly,
23. 0:55if your goal is to create an
24. 0:56extraordinary life for yourself, your
25. 0:58emotional state, your emotional life is
26. 1:00is hugely important. But I think it
27. 1:03could actually be more important than
28. 1:05most of us realize. Because in at least
29. 1:08one respect, we could say that your
30. 1:11emotional life is the barometer of your
31. 1:15success as a human being.
32. 1:17Why?
33. 1:18Because it's here in this category that
34. 1:20you're going to discover whether or not
35. 1:22you have a happy, fulfilling life.
36. 1:26And that's the whole point of this work,
37. 1:27right? At the end of the day, that's why
38. 1:30we work so hard to develop ourselves.
39. 1:32It's why you joined this 30-day
40. 1:33challenge. It's why you're working so
41. 1:35hard on yourself every day so you can
42. 1:37have a happier, more successful, more
43. 1:40fulfilling life.
44. 1:42You know, I was in Bali last year living
45. 1:44for the winter with my family. And while
46. 1:46we were there, I came across this quote
47. 1:49that was scrawled on a bathroom wall.
48. 1:51Graffiti, but it was one of the most
49. 1:53profound things I've ever read. Here's
50. 1:55what it said. When I was little, my mom
51. 1:58always told me that happiness was the
52. 2:00most important thing in life. When I got
53. 2:02older and went to school, they asked me
54. 2:04what I wanted to be when I grew up and I
55. 2:06said happy. They told me I didn't
56. 2:08understand the assignment. I told them
57. 2:11they didn't understand life. Profound
58. 2:13graffiti right there, isn't it?
59. 2:16Aristotle said, "Happiness is the most
60. 2:19important thing in the world, the whole
61. 2:21aim and end of human existence."
62. 2:25You know, if you ask yourself why you
63. 2:26want anything you want in life enough
64. 2:29times, you're going to come up with one
65. 2:31final answer, because I want to be
66. 2:33happy. Doesn't matter what it is,
67. 2:35whether it's that you want to make a lot
68. 2:36of money, or you want to have a great
69. 2:38body, or you want to have a passionate
70. 2:40love relationship, or you want to make a
71. 2:42big difference in the world, all those
72. 2:44wonderful things are just means to an
73. 2:47end, and the end is your happiness and
74. 2:50your fulfillment. And that's our
75. 2:53singular focus at Lifebook. Everything
76. 2:55that we do, all the goal setting that we
77. 2:57do, the challenges, the exercises, the
78. 3:00measuring and reporting, the
79. 3:03inspiration, the motivation, everything
80. 3:06we do is designed to help you move
81. 3:08closer in one way or another to a
82. 3:11happier, more fulfilling, more
83. 3:13successful life. And I'll tell you, if
84. 3:15we can accomplish that, we've done
85. 3:17something amazing in the world and we've
86. 3:20accomplished our purpose as an
87. 3:22organization. One of the most important
88. 3:24things that you can do is to pay
89. 3:26attention to what makes you happy versus
90. 3:29what makes you unhappy, so that you can
91. 3:31respond appropriately
92. 3:33and move your life toward the happiness
93. 3:36and away from the unhappiness.
94. 3:39And your ability to do that is going to
95. 3:41have a significant impact on your life
96. 3:43experience, because just like any other
97. 3:46big value in life,
98. 3:48happiness requires continuous action to
99. 3:52create it and to maintain it.
100. 3:55It's up to you to become aware of what
101. 3:58it is that makes you happy. You know,
102. 3:59what what kind of situations or events
103. 4:03or people or places or things evoke
104. 4:07happiness inside of you.
105. 4:09And once you get clear on what actually
106. 4:11makes you happy, you want to do more of
107. 4:13those things.
108. 4:14So, for instance, if you know that an
109. 4:16overnight date with your spouse makes
110. 4:18you happy, you can increase the
111. 4:20frequency of your overnight dates from
112. 4:23once a year to maybe once a month to
113. 4:25maybe once a week. And what's going to
114. 4:27happen? You're going to have a happier
115. 4:28marriage and a happier life as a result.
116. 4:32Maybe gardening makes you happy. So, do
117. 4:35more gardening. Get conscious of it and
118. 4:37you'll automatically become a happier
119. 4:39person.
120. 4:40Or how about calling your grandma? Are
121. 4:42you happy every time you hear her voice?
122. 4:44Or taking a long walk by yourself in the
123. 4:46middle of the day, practicing
124. 4:48meditation, spending time in prayer,
125. 4:51whatever it is for you, do more of those
126. 4:55things more often and you will increase
127. 4:58your happiness.
128. 5:00So, the point here is to get conscious.
129. 5:02It's to get conscious of the things that
130. 5:04make your heart swell with love or joy.
131. 5:07To just simply pay attention to what it
132. 5:09is that makes you smile, what put it
133. 5:11puts a little spring in your step.
134. 5:13Identify those things, value those
135. 5:16things, and plan them into your
136. 5:19schedules so you can do more of them.
137. 5:21You know, it's a simple but very
138. 5:24profound concept that most people simply
139. 5:26don't understand.
140. 5:27If you want to experience more happiness
141. 5:29in your life, which all of us do,
142. 5:32simply do more of the things that make
143. 5:35you happy.
144. 5:37Likewise, and this one is equally if not
145. 5:40more profound,
146. 5:42it's up to you to identify the things in
147. 5:43your life that make you unhappy and then
148. 5:46do your best to eliminate those things.
149. 5:49Because I'll tell you what, at Lifebook
150. 5:51we believe that our lives should be
151. 5:53happy the vast majority of the time.
152. 5:55That's what we work so hard to to
153. 5:57attain. Yes, we know there's going to be
154. 6:00pain and suffering in life. Yes, we know
155. 6:03that we're going to encounter
156. 6:04frustration and disappointment and
157. 6:06unhappiness. But, for us all that
158. 6:09negative stuff is the exception. It's
159. 6:12not the rule.
160. 6:14Pain and unhappiness and frustration are
161. 6:17going to come and go in life.
162. 6:20But, those things should be episodic,
163. 6:23not perpetual.
164. 6:24Being perpetually unhappy over anything,
165. 6:27or disappointed, or depressed, or
166. 6:30resentful has absolutely no place in the
167. 6:34life of a conscious person. If we are
168. 6:37experiencing
169. 6:39pockets of recurring pain in our lives,
170. 6:42which most of us do because they sneak
171. 6:43in,
172. 6:45it's probably because we're not paying
173. 6:46attention.
174. 6:47We need to look for those pockets of
175. 6:49ongoing recurring pain or frustration or
176. 6:52angst in our lives and root them out and
177. 6:55make it our mission to eliminate them,
178. 6:57because recurring unhappiness simply
179. 7:00shouldn't be tolerated.
180. 7:03And it's been my experience that a lot
181. 7:04of people, maybe most people, just don't
182. 7:07pay attention and they continue to run
183. 7:09the same sort of negative patterns and
184. 7:11negative emotions over and over and
185. 7:13over. Eventually, they habituate to the
186. 7:15pain and the negativity till they barely
187. 7:17notice it anymore. Or an entire adult
188. 7:19lifetime of looking in the mirror and
189. 7:22feeling pain or frustration because
190. 7:25you're out of shape or overweight or
191. 7:27because you're sad because of the way
192. 7:29your body looks, your level of health
193. 7:30and fitness. And that's an experience
194. 7:32that so many people have.
195. 7:35But, here's the thing. We don't have to
196. 7:36live with perpetual sadness. We don't
197. 7:39have to live with it. It's far better to
198. 7:41get conscious about our unhappiness, to
199. 7:43pay attention, to identify the perpetual
200. 7:47pain, and simply resolve to fix it.
201. 7:51Even if you don't like being on a diet,
202. 7:53even if you don't like exercising, isn't
203. 7:56it better to pay that relatively small
204. 7:58price than to go through an entire
205. 8:00lifetime of being sad and feeling low
206. 8:04self-esteem every time you look in the
207. 8:05mirror over and over and over and over
208. 8:07again?
209. 8:09Whatever your perpetual pain is in any
210. 8:12category of your life, if you're if
211. 8:13you're an overwhelmed entrepreneur,
212. 8:15strung out, overworked, not enjoying
213. 8:18your life, not enjoying your family,
214. 8:20think about that. Is that your story?
215. 8:23Or if you have a relationship, a friend
216. 8:26or a family member that's just a
217. 8:28constant source of stress or emotional
218. 8:30distress, or if your financial life has
219. 8:33got you perpetually stressed, keeping
220. 8:35you up at night because you're all
221. 8:36stressed out about it,
222. 8:39the first thing you got to do is you got
223. 8:40to notice. You got to get conscious of
224. 8:42it. You got to wake up.
225. 8:44And then, once you do notice, you you
226. 8:46sit down and you think through what
227. 8:48needs to be done to eliminate this
228. 8:51perpetual pain. What's the rational,
229. 8:55intelligent solution to this problem?
230. 8:58You might figure out a way to remove
231. 9:00yourself from the situation. You might
232. 9:02figure out a way to change the
233. 9:03situation. You might figure out a
234. 9:05different way to process it internally
235. 9:08so you can change the meaning of the
236. 9:09situation and stop feeling all this
237. 9:11angst about it.
238. 9:13And I'll tell you from personal
239. 9:14experience, it can be easier than you
240. 9:16think. Honest to God, it can.
241. 9:19Unconsciousness is what keeps you stuck.
242. 9:22Unconsciousness is what keeps you
243. 9:23experiencing the same pain over and over
244. 9:26and over, and consciousness is the cure.
245. 9:31I'll tell you a little personal story. I
246. 9:33was working on this exercise in my own
247. 9:34life a couple years ago,
248. 9:36really going deep, searching my own life
249. 9:40for areas of recurring unhappiness.
250. 9:43And I came across
251. 9:45a really important relationship that I
252. 9:47had with a family member who I love, but
253. 9:50I've been having stress with for a long
254. 9:51long time, and it had gone on so long
255. 9:54that I I just gotten used to it. I'd
256. 9:57unconsciously habituated to just feeling
257. 9:59negative and sad and angry about this
258. 10:03relationship consistently, and I'm
259. 10:06talking about for years, and that's just
260. 10:08no good.
261. 10:10And once I got conscious of it, I
262. 10:12resolved to take action.
263. 10:14And here's what I did. It was simple. I
264. 10:16picked up the phone and I reached out to
265. 10:19this family member of mine in the most
266. 10:21compassionate, understanding way I
267. 10:23could,
268. 10:25and it was amazing. I was met with
269. 10:28nothing but love.
270. 10:30Totally open arms. It turned out he was
271. 10:32feeling exactly the same way that I was
272. 10:35feeling. It turned out that he wanted to
273. 10:36fix our situation as much as I wanted to
274. 10:38fix it, and we started consciously and
275. 10:41lovingly working on our relationship,
276. 10:43and in less than a month, this went from
277. 10:46probably the biggest area of angst in my
278. 10:48life to one of the greatest sources of
279. 10:50joy, and that was years ago, and it's
280. 10:52continued all the way since then. Now,
281. 10:55I'm not suggesting that you can
282. 10:56eliminate every area of perpetual pain
283. 10:58in your life with a phone call. You
284. 11:00know, that's just not realistic. There
285. 11:01are going to be situations that are more
286. 11:03difficult and complicated than that, no
287. 11:06doubt.
288. 11:07But no matter what kind of recurring
289. 11:09unhappiness we're dealing with, the
290. 11:11first step is to allow yourself to
291. 11:14become aware, to become conscious of it,
292. 11:17and then resolve to do something about
293. 11:20it.
294. 11:21And that's just a big step in the right
295. 11:23direction in this incredibly important
296. 11:26category of your life. Now, let's move
297. 11:28on to our emotional life exercise.
298. 11:32First, you're going to want to make a
299. 11:34list of the things that make you truly
300. 11:36happy and fulfilled and commit to doing
301. 11:38more of those things. And I'm not
302. 11:40talking about lip service here. I'm
303. 11:42talking about scheduling them into your
304. 11:44day, scheduling them into your week,
305. 11:46scheduling them into your month. Get
306. 11:48serious about it. Make a commitment to
307. 11:51your own happiness. For the duration of
308. 11:53this challenge, make a commitment to
309. 11:55infuse your life with as much happiness
310. 11:57as you possibly can and have fun doing
311. 12:00it. It's a deeply joyous feeling to get
312. 12:03in touch with the things that make you
313. 12:04happy and to do more of those things.
314. 12:07So, make your list of happy stuff.
315. 12:10And then, you want to make another list
316. 12:12of some of the things that make you
317. 12:14unhappy on a consistent basis.
318. 12:17Now, you got to be brave if you want to
319. 12:19do this right, you got to go deep. And
320. 12:21once you've made that list, you want to
321. 12:23sit down and look at it and take a look
322. 12:25at, you know, what on this list can I
323. 12:27eliminate? Because perpetual unhappiness
324. 12:30is just not acceptable to me. It's not
325. 12:32acceptable to a conscious person who's
326. 12:34committed to living an extraordinary
327. 12:36life and I'm going to get rid of some of
328. 12:38this emotional angst.
329. 12:40Abraham Lincoln said, "Most people are
330. 12:43about as happy as they make up their
331. 12:45minds to be."
332. 12:47And I'll tell you, if you make these two
333. 12:49simple lists and really take action on
334. 12:51them, I predict it's going to have a
335. 12:53profound effect on you just like it did
336. 12:56on me.
337. 12:58Well, it's only day eight of this
338. 13:00challenge, but I hope you're beginning
339. 13:01to see that these little exercises, even
340. 13:03though they're small, are incredibly
341. 13:05powerful. I I hope you're already
342. 13:07starting to see how this can surge your
343. 13:09life forward. Taken individually, these
344. 13:11little exercises may seem small, but
345. 13:14their cumulative effect is invaluable.
346. 13:17So, keep up the good work and you're
347. 13:19going to end up in a totally different
348. 13:20place at the end of this challenge.
349. 13:23Tomorrow, we're going to explore one of
350. 13:25the most powerful life book categories
351. 13:27of all, your character.
352. 13:30What kind of a person do you really want
353. 13:32to become? And how do you get there?
354. 13:35The character category is typically a
355. 13:37turning point for people who go through
356. 13:39LifeBook, and I predict it'll be the
357. 13:40exact same for this 30-day challenge.
358. 13:43Big breakthroughs happen here that'll
359. 13:45have a positive effect on every area of
360. 13:47your life. It's just an absolutely
361. 13:49amazing, life-changing category, and I'm
362. 13:52so excited to dig in with you tomorrow.
363. 13:55In the meantime, have fun with your
364. 13:57emotional life exercise. Remember,
365. 14:00there's a big payoff for doing this
366. 14:01work. It's going to take your life to it
367. 14:03to the next level. I promise you that.
368. 14:06Okay, I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun,
369. 14:08and we'll explore character tomorrow
370. 14:10together.