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What it means to grow up in an ASIAN household | Hey Tablo Ep. 33 — Transcript

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0:00Do you remember on a previous Hey
0:02Tableau episode, someone sent in uh like
0:05this, you know, true story about uh
0:08being raised in an Asian household and
0:11it was batshit crazy. Uh anyways, I
0:14posted that clip uh of me commenting on
0:18that post and uh I posted it to
0:21Instagram and in the comments the world
0:25came together like never before. Like we
0:29all became one. World peace was achieved
0:33in those comments.
0:37>> Hey Tableau. [laughter]
0:40>> So I'm going to uh share some of the
0:42comments on that post. It's not just
0:46in an Asian household. A lot of people
0:50uh seem to relate to what it was like
0:54being raised in a very strict um well
0:57for me an Asian household which meant
0:59like you had [ __ ] flying at you all the
1:01time. You weren't allowed to like you
1:04know voice normal human opinions if you
1:08posted it on Reddit. Things that that
1:10would like have people call the police
1:12on your family. Uh, it's normal if it
1:17was in an Asian household.
1:19A lot of people related. Look at this.
1:22We're Asian. Our love language is
1:25physical attack.
1:28Asian household. Handshake emoji. Latin
1:32American household. [laughter]
1:35Here's one. This totally works in Latin
1:38homes, too, because we got a chankla.
1:43So I I looked up what that is and it
1:46just means flipflops
1:48or slippers. So a projectile that Asian
1:53parents and apparently Latin American
1:55parents
1:57uh use as tools
2:01tools to put us back in our place.
2:05My mom was Italian American. She was
2:08heavy on the hitting with whatever was
2:11available. Okay, so Italy has entered
2:14the chat. [laughter]
2:16Okay, so far Asian households, uh, Latin
2:19America and Italian-Americans have
2:22entered the chat. We joke about their
2:25choice of weapon, which could be a belt,
2:27a hanger, or slippers.
2:32The wildest thing I got hit with. Okay,
2:36mind you, I'm not condoning any of this.
2:39Okay, and none of the people commenting
2:42here are condoning this or saying that
2:44this is okay or that we should pass this
2:46on to our future generations. What we're
2:50saying is that it's not okay, but
2:52because it's so not okay, uh that's why
2:56we're coming together like this and
2:57discussing this. It's it's it's a way to
2:59like let go of of all the pain.
3:05Oh my god, I just I'm having PTSD right
3:08now. Okay. The the craziest thing I got
3:10hit with uh you know, people will throw
3:13out stuff like, you know, my members
3:15will say stuff like golf clubs, which
3:18was a favorite when we were raised. Uh
3:21but I got hit with a phone.
3:25>> Okay. But not we didn't have smartphones
3:27or cell phones, you know, we used to
3:29have like phones plugged into the wall,
3:32right? And of course a golf club, belt,
3:37all these things are way worse than a
3:39phone. But
3:41you do not understand how degrading it
3:46is to have plastic hit your skin. like
3:52lightweight plastic.
3:55Anyways, I got hit with I got beat with
3:57a
4:00gets worse. I got hit with a No, I got
4:01beat with a a a phone
4:05uh and it had a cord on it. It had one
4:07of those like cords that go like this
4:09and just like you can see the cord like
4:11in slow motion flapping. And this was in
4:14front of my friend that had just come
4:17come over to my house. And then here's
4:20the bad [ __ ] crazy part.
4:24My friend also got [laughter] hit.
4:29We kind of deserved it. Uh we like uh we
4:33got caught like skipping school and uh I
4:36don't know why he decided to come over
4:38on that day. Uh but what's crazy is he
4:41went home, right? I I know some of you
4:43are listening, especially our young
4:45audience who has grown up in a different
4:46time. You must be thinking like that's
4:48[ __ ] crazy, right? Well, here's the
4:50crazier part. He went home, told his mom
4:53that this happened, and then his mom
4:56beat him. [laughter]
5:02[laughter]
5:03Uh, here's another one. Oh, okay. The uh
5:06Caribbean has entered the chat. Imagine
5:09living in a Caribbean household.
5:12Okay. Works hand inhand with North
5:15African and African households.
5:19I'm Arab. Arab parenting here is the
5:22same as yours, so I can relate. Latin
5:25American home got this issue, too. Okay.
5:28A lot of Latin American
5:30um households have entered the chat.
5:33Okay. So, this is not just a like a like
5:36a Korean or Asian thing. Oh my. like you
5:39have no idea how how many comments were
5:41left on this on this post. It was crazy.
5:44South African family has entered the
5:47chat. Okay, I'm not going to make uh I'm
5:49not going to make like, you know, broad
5:51like generalizations, but like it seems
5:54to me judging by these comments, it
5:56seems to me that the definition of a
5:59minority if you're if you're growing up
6:02in the States, because a lot of these
6:03are like Italian-American, you know, all
6:05the what American families, right? It
6:09seems that like from, you know, a US
6:12perspective,
6:14the new definition of being a minority
6:16is whether or not
6:19you had flip-flops thrown at you
6:21[laughter]
6:23just based on these comments. Okay, I
6:27also left a post on our YouTube channel
6:31on Hey Tableau's YouTube channel. I
6:33said, "Tell me your craziest growing up
6:35in an Asian household story or growing
6:37up in a blank household story." Right?
6:40Because there were so many comments. So,
6:42I wanted to see what our co community
6:45experienced.
6:46And maybe by discussing these things and
6:49laughing at them uh in in a in a painful
6:52way, in a sorrowful way, we can get over
6:55some of these uh memories.
6:58Growing up in a Hispanic household meant
7:02saying, "I'm bored." Got you a list of
7:05chores. Oh, I'm bored.
7:08was totally banned in a Korean household
7:11as well, like Asian household. Um, you
7:14know, you usually say it to yourself.
7:16You're not even like really declaring it
7:18to anyone or meaning for your parents to
7:21hear it, but you're just like, you know,
7:22just sitting there or like you're in the
7:24backseat of the car or something and
7:26you're like, you just like kind of said
7:27said it to yourself. You're like, I'm
7:29bored, right? And and immediately
7:33they will pounce on you. They'll They'll
7:35be like, "Bored?
7:41Do you even have time to be bored?
7:45There's a pile of [ __ ] books on your
7:47desk. How can you be bored? Read them,
7:53Dad. That's just going to make things
7:55worse."
7:57You know what I mean? Like saying I'm
7:59bored is basically just like like
8:02confessing that you haven't uh you know
8:06you haven't been schooled enough like
8:09you haven't been
8:11you haven't been you know hit with
8:14enough flipflops.
8:16You just weren't allowed to be bored.
8:18Bored meant lazy
8:21which is crazy. I mean it's a human
8:24emotion. You you you're allowed to
8:27sometimes feel bored. If you're studying
8:30math like nonstop for like six hours
8:34straight,
8:35you're going to be kind of bored
8:37sometimes.
8:42[sighs] You know, we we had to play with
8:44our calculators.
8:46Like we put games on our calc I I swear
8:50again, not generalizing or uh
8:53stereotyping, okay? I'm not trying to
8:55stereotype here, but
8:57you know how there is a stereotype that
8:59Asians are like
9:02[snorts] good at math or like
9:04programming that like for some reason
9:07it's not even true, but like a ton of
9:10programmers are like Asian. Like if I
9:13told somebody like that's not Asian to
9:15draw um draw programmers,
9:20[snorts]
9:21it's it's more likely that they will
9:24draw someone Asian. Okay. And and here's
9:27the reason why we're we're if that's
9:30true, why we're like quote unquote good
9:32at programming and computers and stuff.
9:35It's because we weren't allowed to play
9:39or have toys.
9:42So, we we had these TI 82s or like
9:45calculators and we had to figure out how
9:50to turn this into an entertainment
9:51device. So kids were like making games
9:55like in high school legit in high school
9:57some kids were programming games into
10:00their calculators into their TI 82s so
10:04that you know so that
10:06they can have a life.
10:10Okay. And that's how creative we got
10:14with with these devices. So when when
10:16the whole computer like you know the
10:18whole like you know tech age came about
10:22of course we were ready for it. Our
10:24whole lives were on these calculators.
10:28We turned these things into smartphones
10:30before we even had cell phones. Like we
10:33turned TI82s into like seriously like TI
10:379000s like just on our own. Oh, Egyptian
10:42Americans have entered the uh chat.
10:45Egyptian American household don't talk
10:48to boys ever.
10:51>> But also, when are you getting married?
10:57[laughter]
11:00Don't talk to the boys ever. Don't even
11:03Don't look at them. Don't Don't even
11:06like go in their vicinity. [laughter]
11:10But when are you getting married?
11:12Why you don't have a boyfriend?
11:14[laughter]
11:16Huh?
11:18Yeah. This is so true of a Asian
11:21households as well. Like
11:24they tell you two contradictory things
11:27and tell and you have to do both. Like
11:31this is not all Asian families. I'm just
11:33Okay. Mostly this is like from the 80s
11:3590s. Okay. Like 90s kids. 80s babies 90s
11:39kids experienced this the most I think.
11:42where your parents would just uh
11:44straight up just call you fat.
11:48Every opportunity,
11:51they're like, "You're fat." And I'm
11:54like, "Okay." Uh or uh like I have a
11:57sister and I saw this happen so many
12:00times like where in front of the
12:01relatives like the relatives will be
12:03like, "Oh, you're becoming so cute and
12:05so pretty or you've grown." And then
12:08somebody will like be like, "She fat.
12:11Right?
12:14And it's so [ __ ] up, but at the same
12:16time,
12:18they're like, "Why are you not eating?"
12:22[laughter]
12:23They're like, "Why are you not finishing
12:25this huge bowl of rice and ch Why? Why
12:29are you not eating all the meat? Why is
12:31there like some rice left on your plate?
12:34[laughter]
12:35By the way, you fat."
12:39What?
12:41Growing up in an Asian household, after
12:43turning 25, my parents bring up
12:45marriage, like every five seconds, the
12:48minute they see me happy. Oh, so like
12:51you're like, you know, you're just like
12:52enjoying life, you're like content,
12:54satisfied with your current position in
12:57life, and they see that and they're
12:59like, but you're not married
13:02and you're fat.
13:04The fight with mom is over. Okay, so
13:07this person, okay, is describing the
13:09situation.
13:11The fight with mom is over. She goes to
13:13the kitchen and starts talking to
13:16herself, but you can clearly hear her.
13:20She's not talking to herself. Basically,
13:22I I know what this is. You know how the
13:24mom like goes to her room and like she's
13:28like done with the lecture, goes to her
13:29room but leaves the door open and yells
13:32out the thoughts she has.
13:36You know, she's talking to herself.
13:37She's like,
13:40[laughter]
13:47which is basically uh I didn't raise her
13:49that way. I didn't raise him that way.
13:51What's wrong with him? Right. The worst
13:53version of this is when your parents
13:56will get yell at you and then they go to
13:59their room but their door is open and
14:01they fight.
14:03>> They're like
14:05she she's you know it's because it's
14:08because your side of the DNA, [laughter]
14:13right? And now you're just you're just
14:15sitting there and you're like you're
14:17like they're obviously broadcasting this
14:19for me to hear. It's like a [ __ ]
14:21podcast going on over there. Uh now, now
14:24I not only already feel crappy for the
14:28the long lecture I got and them telling
14:30me how, you know, how worthless I am.
14:33Now my parents are fighting,
14:36right? And like
14:39[sighs]
14:42May I briefly interrupt Hey Tableau for
14:45breaking news? Have you ever dreamed of
14:47being a guest here on Hey Tableau? If
14:50you live in the US or Canada, this is
14:52your chance. Epicai is embarking on a
14:55North America tour starting September
14:5830th. All through October, we're going
14:59to be in the US and Canada. I want to do
15:02an episode of Hey Tableau where I have a
15:04convo with a fan in each of these cities
15:06that we visit. Here's how it's going to
15:08work. If you have a VIP 1 or VIP 2
15:11package, you'll get entry into a VIP
15:14sound check. will choose one lucky fan
15:16at each of these sound checks and you
15:18and I will have a short combo. You can
15:20ask me for life advice, relationship
15:22advice, and all of that will be compiled
15:24into an episode of Hey Tableau. If you
15:27already have a VIP1 or VIP2, you're
15:29automatically entered. But if you don't
15:31have one, go get one now at epicai.com
15:34and you can have a chance to have a
15:36cameo on Hey Tableau. Back to the
15:38podcast.
15:40non-existent personal space.
15:44Oh, so this is a common thing other
15:46people went through this like I I
15:48mentioned in a previous episode. Um our
15:52computer, we had one computer in the
15:54house uh and when we got this computer,
15:56we were all excited, but they put it
15:58right in the living room uh in like in
16:02an basically
16:04totally open area where everyone can see
16:07exactly what you're doing on the
16:08computer, right? And here's the here's a
16:10here's the thing. In the living room was
16:12also the TV and the couch. So, um like
16:16you know one parent will be watching TV
16:18and I have to do I have to do my work on
16:21the computer there while also sharing it
16:24with my brother and my sister, right?
16:26And
16:28uh you know do you know what modems are?
16:31you if you're listening right now,
16:33there's a high chance you're not aware
16:35of what modems are because uh or dialup
16:38because I've checked our stats and our
16:40age group is like 18 to 25 is is like
16:43the majority. Okay, so modems are these
16:46things that we use to connect to the
16:48internet uh like connect our computers
16:51to the internet at the time and at the
16:53beginning when we connect it makes this
16:55sound [crying]
16:59right. It's
17:02It makes this sound for a little while
17:04until it connects. Okay. So,
17:08my parents are like, I don't know,
17:10watching the news or something and then
17:12I have to connect to the internet to do
17:14homework or something. So, I'm
17:16connecting and it goes and then
17:18immediately everyone in the family is
17:20looking at me like, "What are you trying
17:22to do with the computer? What are you
17:24trying to do?" Study. Go study. I am
17:26studying. I'm trying to connect to the
17:29internet because I have to do this
17:30research paper. I have to
17:33what happened to books? What happened to
17:35using books as the source? And I was
17:38like, "Dad, things have changed. The
17:41world is changing. Why' you get me this
17:44computer
17:46if I if I'm not allowed to use it? I
17:49don't I'm so confused.
17:51You tell me to use this computer to
17:54study and I I'm studying but you you
17:56tell me not to use the computer so much.
17:58What am I supposed to do? I'm confused.
18:03Why do you really think I'm fat?
18:08Then why are you giving me so much rice?
18:11Oh. Oh. Speaking of personal space, this
18:15was the craziest thing. Your friend
18:17calls you, right? And you had to like
18:21designate a time for them to call you,
18:23like you'll call me at 5:00 pm. And then
18:26you're waiting in front of the phone,
18:27right? Which is also in the living room.
18:29And you're waiting. They call you at
18:31five. You pick up, right? And you're
18:32like talking to your friend and you're
18:34like in high school or middle school or
18:36what, whatever. And you know, you're
18:37going to be talking about like some, you
18:39know, some crazy [ __ ] that you don't
18:40want your parents listening in on,
18:42right? And you're talking and then you
18:43suddenly you hear breathing, right? So
18:45you're like you're like, "Is that you?"
18:49And and your friend is like, "No, is
18:51that you?" I thought it was you. And I
18:52was like, "Oh shit." Right. They're
18:55listening from their room because all
18:57the phones were connected at the time.
18:59So if you're on the phone, they can they
19:01can listen in on you, right? Oh my god.
19:06Like personal space privacy did not
19:09exist. And if you even brought it up
19:11like the I don't think I ever used the
19:15word privacy ever in my household ever
19:19growing up. I I'm a I went on to get a
19:24English lit masters. Okay, I know a lot
19:26of words. I know how to use a ton of
19:29words. Okay, I am I am a dictionary. But
19:32the word privacy just did not exist.
19:36Like it it was it was such a foreign
19:38word to me. I was like privacy
19:43like I I go to college and you know
19:44during a lecture they're like and
19:46because of you know privacy issues and
19:48I'm like privacy
19:51like looking it up. Privacy privacy
19:54having p personal space
19:58what
20:01rights
20:03[laughter]
20:03rights. What? What are rights?
20:08Growing up in a Korean-American
20:10Christian household. Oh man.
20:13Oh yo. He hit us with the AsianAmerican
20:18Christian
20:20household. Okay. That's like that's like
20:22a that's like a combo. It's like a
20:25double Whopper. It's not just one
20:27Whopper. It's not just one patty.
20:29Growing up in a Korean-American
20:30Christian household, my parents used
20:32faith and religion as an excuse for lack
20:34of emotional connection. They hold the
20:36church and their own faith as higher
20:38priority. Uh, and so they were confused
20:41when I married someone who didn't do the
20:43same and attended church less. I have an
20:45entire episode about this, by the way.
20:48Um, check our uh, Hey Tableau playlist.
20:50There's a there's an episode where I
20:52talk about almost having been in a,
20:56you know, a cult. Anyways, uh I go into
21:00depth.
21:02Also, there's uh I have a story where
21:04like, you know, during Sunday school, I
21:06was told that I was going to go to hell.
21:08So, check out that episode and you'll
21:11get all my thoughts on this issue. Oh,
21:14here's a here's a Brazilian Japanese
21:16family. Okay. Uh Brazilian Japanese
21:19family, ridiculous high uh expectations
21:22and pressure over studying. And after I
21:26gain my skills, they still ignore all my
21:29advice on the area of expertise that I
21:32have and then they tell me books smarts
21:35are nothing in the real world after
21:38forcing me to go to school and get those
21:41uh get the books smarts.
21:45This is so true. I don't know if it's
21:48just an Asian family thing, but like let
21:50me know in the comments like if you all
21:52go through this. Is it me or do Asian
21:57moms
21:59um go to a doctor
22:02but won't ever listen to the doctor?
22:06[laughter] Is it not just Asian moms but
22:09Asian moms and dads? Is it just a Asian
22:11thing? I don't know. is I'm just talking
22:12from my experience, but from what I've
22:15noticed is um the older generation uh
22:19they will deliberately go to a doctor,
22:23pay the [ __ ] doctor to tell them
22:26what's wrong and is immediately upon
22:29hearing it,
22:31they're they're like, "Nah,
22:34the doctor knows nothing." He's which is
22:38which means like, you know, just quack
22:39like he knows nothing.
22:42And then they completely ignore the
22:45expert advice they paid for.
22:50Every time I'm like, why the [ __ ] do we
22:53come to a doctor then? Like if you're
22:54not going to listen.
22:57Doctor knows nothing,
22:59right? And that's the same case as this
23:01uh Brazilian Japanese family. Um, they
23:04want you to become an expert,
23:08but it's not because they want you to
23:10become an expert.
23:13They want you to get rich. [laughter]
23:19They don't care that you are a a foot
23:22doctor and they will not listen to your
23:26expert advice on the feet. They they
23:29don't care about they're like, "Oh, my
23:31foot hurts." And then you try to tell
23:32them because you know you got a degree,
23:34you got you have a you have a [ __ ]
23:35PhD in foots uh in feet foots in feet
23:41and then you tell them oh this is you
23:42know you got to do this and they're like
23:44you don't know anything right. It's it's
23:47not that they don't want to listen to
23:48your expert advice. It's just that they
23:50they didn't tell you to go to med school
23:52to get ex to become an expert. Like they
23:56don't care about that part. It's just
23:58they wanted you to have a have a well
24:01highpaying job. That's basically what
24:04they wanted.
24:05Oh, this is a this is a phrase that um
24:09Asian parents say a lot.
24:12What would what would the society think?
24:17I don't know, Mom. Let's ask them.
24:19[laughter]
24:20Now, we have this wonderful thing called
24:22social media. Let me ask them exactly
24:26what what they think about what you just
24:28said and what you just did to me. Let me
24:32post it. Let's see what society thinks.
24:36You know what's crazy is that Asian
24:38parents, well, the ones that I knew.
24:42Their favorite thing to say to me was,
24:44"Shut up." But then [laughter]
24:47also, they want you to like know all the
24:50vocab that exists in the world, right?
24:53They want you to read every sentence
24:56that's ever been written and become like
24:59an expert in in in in words, but then
25:04the minute you say any of those words,
25:07they're like, "Shut up. You don't know
25:09anything. You shut up. This is our
25:12house." But here's somebody that won't
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25:30Memorizing and taking quizzes and tests
25:33won't get you to the level you need. You
25:36really need to use your body, use your
25:38mouth, and speak it out. Fluency is
25:41about repetition. You have to keep
25:43speaking. You have to keep saying it.
25:46Unlike the way we were raised where we
25:49weren't allowed to say stuff, you really
25:51need to say stuff,
25:54Speak is the only app built on that very
25:57conviction. And it shows in a survey of
26:00actual users aged 21 to 45, 86%
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26:33app that makes English click.
26:36Oh, this one. [sighs] This one we all
26:37know. We all understand. And my report
26:40card was graded twice. once by school
26:45and once by my parents. This this also
26:48allowed some of us to develop
26:51uh masterful like calligraphy or um
26:55design skills because we sometimes had
26:57to turn numbers into other numbers um
27:01just to save ourselves from getting our
27:02asses beat. Uh some some of my friends
27:07were able to like you know turn like
27:11turning nine into eight is kind of easy.
27:14[snorts]
27:15Turning seven into nine is also easy.
27:17But some of my friends got to the level
27:19where they were turning like like fours,
27:23okay, into like four into a nine is also
27:25easy, right? But turning fours into like
27:28a three. Okay. [laughter]
27:31Wait, that makes no sense. I would turn
27:33a four into a three, but you know what I
27:35mean, like a three into a four.
27:37And they had to do this because not they
27:41were okay with the grade they got. They
27:43they they could live with themselves,
27:44but when they got home, they would get
27:46their asses kicked. So, they would have
27:48to make a different set of scores to
27:51show the parents, right? But the schools
27:54figured this out quick and and one day
27:57started sending the the the scores via
28:01email, right? The report cards via email
28:04to their to parents like personal
28:07emails. And once that happened, you
28:09know, you're [ __ ] out of luck. There's
28:10nothing you can do, right? Okay. This
28:13one, me crying out about my struggles
28:17and difficulties that are face that I'm
28:20facing right now. Asian parents. That's
28:23nothing compared to what I had to go
28:25through when I was your age.
28:28Yeah, we're talking about me right now.
28:31But
28:32um I go through this every day, even
28:35now. Um because there's a there's like
28:38an Asian parent in my group, like in my
28:42team, Epic Kai. It's a it's a it's a
28:45hip-hop group and we have three members
28:47and one of the members is like is an old
28:51school like old fashion Asian parent and
28:56um if you've ever seen our YouTube show
28:59Epicaz you'll see we cut most of it out
29:02but you you'll see some moments where
29:04like I've begun talking about something
29:08like personal or Mithra starts talking
29:11about something that he feels or thinks
29:13And immediately uh without even
29:15listening like one person that I won't
29:18mention like that guy the Asian parent
29:20in our team he cuts in and he's like
29:25that's nothing like when I you know I
29:27when I I got hit with a you know what I
29:30went through it's two cuts and he's a
29:32he's a total Asian parent. He's like
29:36he's such an Asian parent.
29:39This is very personal. I'm not sure if I
29:41can
29:44say this. So, I'll say it like this.
29:49I had a friend
29:52who was going through
29:55a really bad depression during college
29:58during like the first couple years of
30:01college. uh and like just had a lot, you
30:04know, went to see a psychiatrist and a
30:06psychologist
30:08was diagnosed uh with something, you
30:10know, not not great. Uh anyways, uh
30:15because it was like a medical issue, I
30:16think it it got uh reported to his
30:20parents
30:22and then when he came back to Korea, uh
30:25when he was with his parents again, they
30:28yelled at him and got mad at him for
30:32being depressed
30:34because of the way it reflects on them
30:36and saying, "You were, you know, you
30:39were raised in like a a fine household
30:43like there was nothing. We didn't do
30:45anything to you. Why? Why are you
30:46depressed? Right? Like it it was like a
30:50and
30:52I had to tell this friend
30:57that it's not his fault, you know, that
31:00that he shouldn't feel sorry to anybody
31:03for whatever he's feeling. And then I
31:06turned away from the mirror and
31:08[cough and clears throat]
31:12True story though. In their defense,
31:16uh the older my like the older
31:18generation like I'm already the older
31:20generation to to some of you, but like
31:22the people who are older to me like they
31:27just weren't really like educated. like
31:30they didn't have an opportunity to be
31:32educated about like mental health or
31:35about like emotional issues or or about
31:38you know about some about just human
31:41being human like having human
31:43weaknesses. They they didn't understand.
31:46We didn't even have words to describe
31:49some of the things that you know we now
31:51have maybe too many words. we now have
31:54like an like too many detailed words
31:57about every single possible thing you
32:00might be feeling. But this was the
32:02opposite extreme where we didn't have
32:05any like specific words to describe um
32:10some things that you know young people
32:12go through. So basically like it was it
32:16was a it was a very fine line between um
32:20being emotionally unwell or
32:22psychologically unwell and just being
32:24crazy. Like we literally did not have
32:28like they literally did not have words
32:30to um like distinct words to describe
32:34the difference. So it was like
32:37a lot of uh adults and parents thought
32:40that if their kid was um you know going
32:42through something like emotionally that
32:45that kind of meant you know they were
32:47kind of crazy
32:49and you know they started worrying about
32:51what what what would society think,
32:53right? What are my next door neighbors
32:55going to think, right? Because and they
32:57and they and other adults sort of
32:59treated you that way. Like if they heard
33:01that you you were going through
33:02depression or something, it it wasn't
33:04like they didn't come to you to like
33:07support you like what what it was like.
33:09Oh, you did you hear like that kid next
33:11door is like went crazy.
33:14That's sort of unfortunate. It's
33:17unfortunate.
33:20Me, I think I should lose weight. My
33:23mom, you're getting fat because you're
33:25always on your phone.
33:28And the mom usually says this while
33:31being on her phone. [laughter]
33:33She says it like this.
33:36That's because you you're always on your
33:38phone, you fat. I am guilty of this a
33:41little bit. Like, yo, like you're on
33:43your phone too much. You'll get off your
33:45phone, right? And now how is always
33:48like, what about you, Dad?
33:50And then I'll be like, you
33:54work for me. It's work for me. Okay.
33:58when if that ever becomes your job then
34:00I won't and
34:03growing up in an Asian Singapore Chinese
34:06household. My mother never ever said I
34:09love you
34:11but would remember all of our favorite
34:14food, do all the shopping at the market
34:17and cook it for us at home. She once
34:19lugged some pork back from Malaysia
34:21because it's fresher just to prepare
34:24food for us for Chinese New Year. She
34:26had to cross the customs uh by public
34:29transport just to get it back. That's
34:31not even the craziest. Just the most
34:33recent thing I remember her doing.
34:36Yeah, this is and I I guarantee you like
34:40not just Asian uh American people, but
34:43like uh people who were raised in an
34:45Italian-American family, like uh Latin
34:49American family, everyone that's entered
34:51the chat here. um while they are strict
34:55as hell, harsh, and sometimes just
34:58sometimes just just too much. Uh
35:03they also like they're hard on us, but
35:05they also love us very hard, you know?
35:07They they like Yeah, it's just hard to
35:10describe, but like I think this comment
35:13here on on this post, this comment just
35:15says it all. like never says I love you
35:19but goes out of their way and does all
35:22these crazy like difficult things
35:27uh
35:28instead of saying simply I love you
35:31[snorts] know what I mean and sometimes
35:33you want them like sometimes you want to
35:35just
35:38tell them or teach them that you know
35:40you don't have to show me that you love
35:43me
35:45by trying this hard like you don't have
35:47to you don't have to take always take
35:50the more difficult road. You can simply
35:53say I love you. I appreciate you. Good
35:56job. This is good enough. Try harder
36:00next time, but I know you can do it. I
36:03believe in you. I support you. I'm
36:05rooting for you. You know, just just
36:07simply saying that
36:09sometimes, you know, our from our
36:12perspective, it just means more to us
36:15than,
36:16you know, going like climbing a
36:19mountain, crossing rivers, crossing
36:22oceans to to do these things for us. But
36:26from the parents perspective, like
36:28they're they're like, you know, they
36:29don't they they're showing us how they
36:31love us. They don't they don't have to
36:33tell us because the their whole
36:35existence
36:37is screaming it out basically, right?
36:43Uh
36:45but here's my advice to parents who like
36:49most Asian parents are you know they
36:51they silently struggle
36:55and um
36:58you know they go out of their way and do
37:00do harsh harsh things put themselves
37:03through hell uh for their kids and then
37:06eventually like you know they they might
37:08get bitter about it and and complain
37:10that their kids don't understand Right?
37:12It's because you you do it when your you
37:14do it without showing your kids. That's
37:16like another trait of Asian parents,
37:18right? Like they'll struggle. They they
37:21don't want their kids to see the
37:23struggle. They want their kids just in
37:25their room studying or like at school,
37:28you know, you focus only on your future
37:30and I will, you know, and then while
37:32you're at school, they're, you know,
37:34they're doing crazy things, right? And
37:36then um
37:38of course so of course they don't they
37:40they don't know of course they don't
37:42they they sometimes can't appreciate it
37:45right so my advice would be and not to
37:48show them the stroll not to like carry
37:50them like with you as you cross the
37:52mountain and customs but like what I'm
37:54saying is just simply say I love you and
37:59it's just easier for you too and it's
38:02also a like much easier for the kid to
38:06understand right and for the kids
38:10uh just remember that a lot is happening
38:13when you're not looking and um I know
38:16school is difficult I know I I've you
38:19know the parents have all experienced
38:21being a teenager have all experienced
38:23growing up like being in the 20s it's
38:25rough and um it's not like we don't know
38:29that but I'm saying like just just
38:32realize that there is there is things
38:34there Are things happening while you're
38:36turn, you know, behind your back?
38:38There's there's, you know, there's a lot
38:40going on like for you, Tableau. I have
38:44too many stories for you. Too many.
38:47Growing up in a black household, growing
38:49up in a religious household, growing up
38:52as a youngest household. Which one do
38:54you want? [laughter]
38:56You know, you've said enough. You've
38:59said enough. Uh like I mentioned uh my
39:03family was also not only Asian but super
39:08religious.
39:10So maybe that's but maybe like I'm
39:13trying to look at the brighter side of
39:14this like the uh the silver silver
39:17lining here. Um
39:19perhaps that's the reason why I was able
39:21to have such a diverse group of friends
39:24like like always growing up you know I I
39:27had friends from like all different
39:29cultures and for some reason we had no
39:31problem like uh relating to each other
39:34and like we we all like it it was almost
39:37as if we all like grew up in the same
39:40household kind of with my like all my
39:42friends and it it was always a diverse
39:44group of friends but we had no problem
39:47kind kind of understanding like at the
39:50core like who we are. And I think I
39:56think it might be because we kind of
39:57experience all like the same things
40:01like this kind of up strict upbringing.
40:06Germany has entered the chat. Um,
40:09growing up in a German household is as
40:11strict as Asian households. Change my
40:13mind.
40:15I'll I'll take your word for it. Do we
40:18all go through this?
40:24Is this the one topic we can all agree
40:27on here?
40:29Hey, I just found the silver lining.
40:33We ate [ __ ] together.
40:36We have a German household, somebody
40:39that was raised in a German household,
40:42relating to somebody that was raised in
40:44a Korean household,
40:46relating to somebody that was raised in
40:48a Brazilian Japanese household.
40:51Negative things are negative. Okay?
40:53There's there's no way def to defend um
40:57you know, terrible experiences. But uh
41:01if we can't change the past,
41:04I think being able to like talk about it
41:07together and then like and and and and
41:11realize for ourselves like what was bad
41:14about it, but also like tiny pieces of
41:17what what may have been beneficial about
41:20it. That way we we know what to do as
41:22parents when we become parents. Like
41:24we're like, "Okay, this whole part
41:26didn't help me at all." and it actually
41:29hurt me. So I'm never doing that to my
41:30kids. But some of what my you know
41:34parents did like you know that that
41:36cooking story if you look at that that's
41:37such a beautiful story right never said
41:40I love you but her whole exist like her
41:43the mom's whole existence like the the
41:46the the bruises the the painful feet
41:51everything like her whole body was
41:53screaming I love you right so um those
41:58things you know we we can carry on to
42:02the next generation. Like I I personally
42:04would do anything for my daughter,
42:05right? I'm not going to say there's an
42:08upside to the to the way we were raised,
42:12but I'm saying like if we can't change
42:14the past, let's look on at it and like,
42:18you know, laugh at certain things
42:19together. And sometimes laughing is like
42:20the best medicine. Honestly, we actually
42:23have an episode on that too about how
42:26like laughing uh in times of absolute
42:29pain is is the only medicine sometimes.
42:32Oh. Oh, this one. This one. Growing up
42:35in an Asian household, the pot of fa if
42:39we have fa is breakfast, lunch, and
42:42dinner for that whole week. Each day we
42:46keep adding water to the pot because the
42:48next sibling wants a bowl. And each day
42:50we have to finish the batch of noodles
42:52that we uh soaked because there wasn't
42:55enough noodles to finish the liquid
42:56soup. Yes, we all know this. We all know
42:59this. You you cook something once and
43:01that's all. Like if if you had eggs,
43:04you're having eggs sometimes for the
43:06whole month, right? And there was this
43:09other thing uh so back in the day when
43:11we had newspapers, okay, we didn't have
43:14too many competing sources of
43:15information, right? So what I mean by
43:18that is now you have like social media,
43:20you have YouTube, you have like
43:22podcasts, you have Epicazi, you have Hey
43:25Tableau, you have like [ __ ] I don't
43:27know like every you have like yappers
43:28everywhere, right? So if you have a
43:31hundred households, they're all looking
43:34at different sources of information. But
43:36back in the day, we had maybe like two,
43:37three newspapers, two, three TV
43:39channels, right? So a hundred people are
43:41all watching the same thing. So, if
43:43you're watching the news or you're
43:44reading the newspaper and it says,
43:47uh, for example, eggplants
43:50are great are good for something or or
43:55chewing. True story, chewing anchovies
44:01while chewing milk. Chewing milk like
44:05liquid chewing like put it in your mouth
44:08and you chew the milk as you swallow it
44:12is somehow somehow scientifically
44:15whatever like proven to
44:18increase IQ.
44:22The entire [ __ ]
44:25neighborhood, city, country will
44:30suddenly be eating nothing but anchovies
44:34for an entire month or so.
44:37Everyone's eating anchovies, right? And
44:39then like the newspaper declares, I
44:42don't know, declares Brussels sprouts
44:43are good. Brussels sprouts for like two
44:45months.
44:47It [snorts]
44:48I kid you not, this is how it worked.
44:51So,
44:53you know, that's how they got people
44:55eating breakfast, right? You know this,
44:56right? You know, like breakfast isn't na
44:59like naturally speaking, like breakfast
45:01isn't supposed to be a part of like it's
45:03not a necessary part of our day. Like it
45:06it's totally normal to just have two two
45:09meals or like uh or like various snacks.
45:13uh but the concept of breakfast I
45:16believe was pushed through media so that
45:19people would buy uh cereal and like buy
45:22breakfast products right breakfast is
45:24the most important part of the day is a
45:27is a is is like a you know it's like a
45:30it's like a catchphrase created for that
45:32purpose uh I don't want to step into
45:34this any further because like it's going
45:36into like conspiracy area and honestly I
45:39don't even know if I believe what I'm
45:40saying [laughter] okay just so someone's
45:43just said it to me and I was like that
45:44kind of makes sense. Uh but what I'm
45:46trying to say is we were all under the
45:50influence of media at the time because
45:52we only had a select few telling us like
45:54if the doctors say chewing milk while
45:59chewing anchovies at the same time and
46:00shoving it in your mouth somehow
46:02magically turns you like into a like a
46:06like a genius.
46:10It clearly didn't work.
46:13Right? Cuz do you know how many people
46:15around me
46:17fall asleep while taking off their socks
46:22and they're asleep with one sock on?
46:25They like fall asleep. They couldn't
46:27even finish taking their socks off and
46:29they fall asleep. And these these
46:32[ __ ] ate anchovies and chewed milk
46:35with me.
46:37The same amount of anchovies and milk
46:40with me. Okay. and they're falling
46:42asleep in between socks. I I'm not
46:45kidding here. Okay. Somebody recently
46:48asked me
46:50if the moon is the sun.
46:53>> What?
46:56What?
46:56>> They looked at the moon
46:59and they asked if that's the sun.
47:05And this person definitely chewed
47:08anchovies and milk. [laughter]
47:11My mom recently told me to chew the
47:15protein drink I was drinking.
47:17>> Your mom told you to chew
47:20>> the a protein drink? A protein shake.
47:22>> Good for digestion.
47:24>> Your mom is from my parents' time. Like
47:28they they still believe that they still
47:32believe. Tell them about Mithra looking
47:36at the moon and asking [laughter]
47:39unironically, "Is that the sun?" Hey, he
47:43chewed.
47:46Growing up in a Mexican household as a
47:48kid, if you were acting up, mom would
47:51point to a random stranger and say,
47:58which means that man is going to take
48:01you. [laughter]
48:07[laughter]
48:09The stranger's like, "Huh? Me?
48:20By the way, my Spanish learning has
48:23stopped there.
48:25I know how to ask somebody if they're
48:27North American.
48:29I'll get back to my Spanish
48:32because if I don't
48:35seen
48:38when I was nine, I got a B for the first
48:40time and my mother,
48:43you know, I I I'm getting triggered just
48:45by seeing the B.
48:47When I was I got a B for the first time.
48:50Mind you, this person was nine. Okay,
48:52nine. B for the first time. And my
48:55mother ripped up the exam paper to
48:57confetti.
48:59left it in front of the front door for
49:01me to clean up after coming home from
49:02school and proceeded to completely
49:05ignore me for the next two months.
49:08For a while after that, if she ever
49:10spoke to me, it was out of necessity,
49:13like eat
49:16um is a Okay, let's have a debate here
49:19in the comments. Okay, is a be that bad?
49:25And if it is, if a B is that okay, for
49:31some reason
49:33the difference between an A and a B
49:36versus the difference between a B and a
49:38C or a C and a D, right? Let's say a C,
49:42like you always get C's. Then you come
49:44home with a D. I don't think your
49:46parents are going to be as mad
49:49if you were as if you were getting an A
49:51all the time, but suddenly you get a B,
49:53right?
49:54Why?
49:56If a B is that bad? Okay, B means above
49:59average by definition, right? If above
50:02average is that much worse than
50:05excellent,
50:08why do we even have B's?
50:11Does that make any sense? I don't even
50:13know if this makes sense, but we should
50:14just get rid of B
50:17and just have A
50:20and then like F.
50:23>> [laughter]
50:25>> Okay, just like make the cut line 51%
50:29and above is an A.
50:32The other 49% if you have 50% or below.
50:35If you have 50% or below, you have an F.
50:38It's a A. You're either getting an A.
50:39Oh, wait. Isn't that just pass fail?
50:43Yeah. Let's call Let's just do pass
50:45fail, but call it A
50:48or F.
50:51Do you do you realize that if somebody
50:52owns 51% of a company? They own the
50:56company.
50:57>> They're owners. They're the CEO. We
50:59don't call them less of a CEO or he's
51:03kind of the CEO. He's slightly a CEO.
51:07He's a CEO, but not really. We don't say
51:09that if they own 51% of a company.
51:12Doesn't matter if they own 100% of a
51:15company or 51%. We still call them CEOs.
51:18They're they're still the founders.
51:20Okay. So,
51:23why are we penalizing anybody under
51:27like I don't know what what an A is in
51:29your school, but like anywhere under
51:31like 94 or whatever, right? Why? To wrap
51:35up, uh
51:38I'm glad we had a talk about this. I'm
51:41glad
51:42ton of communities came together. Uh we
51:45have a lot more in common uh than we
51:47believe, right? And uh it's it's just a
51:51good feeling to to be able to like have
51:54talk about common experiences. But
51:57again,
51:58I'm not saying any of this was okay. I'm
52:00not saying the way you were raised, the
52:02way uh the things you had to go through
52:05uh was okay. But also, the things our
52:08parents had to go through that made them
52:10the way they are was definitely not
52:13okay, too, right? None of it was okay.
52:16Let's agree on this though. We clearly
52:20know what was not okay because we're
52:22commenting it right now, right? All the
52:24things we're like telling each other and
52:27laughing about right now with tears in
52:29our eyes. The freaking This is the
52:32definition of the crying laugh emoji.
52:36That's what we're doing right now. And
52:37let me just say the things we're saying,
52:39we're very specific here and all with
52:42our details and our memories are vivid,
52:44right? and the things we're saying we
52:48know to be problematic. That's why we're
52:51telling each other these stories and
52:52laughing about it to try to get over it,
52:54right? So, as long as we know that these
52:57things are wrong, let's try not to
52:58repeat it. Let's try not to pass this
53:01on. I know sometimes we look at the
53:05young kids these days or the kids these
53:07days and you know some some sometimes
53:10you're like you know maybe our parents
53:13were right or maybe you know maybe some
53:16of those harsh measures need to come
53:17back right but we don't know that for
53:19sure we haven't explored all the ways of
53:23parenting we haven't experienced all the
53:26ways of educating younger generations
53:28right there must be c some ways that are
53:32haven't been explored. So like let's at
53:37least avoid the ones like the ways we
53:41know to be wrong that we are still
53:43hurting about that we're still scarred
53:46about and then you know find new ways
53:49and if if some don't work move on and
53:51find another right but there there's got
53:53to be a more positive concretely
53:56positive way to raise kids. Hopefully
54:00one day when we uh when we ask the
54:03audience like maybe in 20 years or
54:05something, right? 30 years. If we ask
54:07the audience, tell us about your
54:09experience being raised in an Asian
54:11household, we have more positive
54:14comments
54:16than slippers flying at us. I'll see you
54:19next week on Hey Tableau.
54:22>> Hey Tableau. [laughter]

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