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What I’d beg every person in their 20s to know about social media — Transcript

by The Twenties Detox · 4,784 words · 697 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00We know that yes, it affects our
0:02attention span. We know that. We know
0:04it's affecting our reward system. We are
0:07having a hard time reading a book. It's
0:08hard to watch a movie without going on
0:10your phone and scrolling on social
0:11media. It's obviously a problem in that
0:14sense. But this is what really was like,
0:17uh this is why I keep having such a hard
0:21time understanding who I want to be and
0:24how I want to show up.
0:29>> [music]
0:35>> Hello, hello, and welcome back to
0:37another episode of the 20s detox. I'm
0:39Bianca, your host, where we dive into
0:41all the things that I'm learning and
0:43unlearning in your 20s to elevate this
0:45decade. Make sure to [clears throat]
0:46follow along. I post a video every
0:48single Tuesday, and I also have a free
0:51newsletter that goes out every single
0:53Sunday around 7:00 a.m. The newsletter
0:55will have a message of the week relating
0:58to the podcast theme. It will also
1:00include an unlearning message or detox
1:03message. And just for the newsletter
1:06readers, we have an action of the week.
1:08One of them is always the podcast
1:09episode, but there will also always be a
1:11journal prompt as well as an activity
1:14that you can do to implement the lessons
1:16that I share in the podcast. Again, it's
1:20completely free. It's just another way
1:22for me to be able to share some exciting
1:24things that are happening because as you
1:26will know throughout this episode,
1:29I tend to gravitate towards the more
1:32intentional forms of media. Last but not
1:36least, if you have been enjoying these
1:37episodes so far, rating the podcast
1:40means so much to me. It's just letting
1:41me know I'm doing the right thing. You
1:43guys are liking it. So yeah, let's get
1:45into the episode. You guys already know.
1:48I don't know about you, but sometimes I
1:49am just completely
1:52exhausted and incapable
1:55of showing up online with social media.
1:58It is a struggle that I come back to
1:59time and time again because now, I mean,
2:02if you are trying to grow a business or
2:03platform, social media is the modern
2:07form of marketing. And as well, I don't
2:09know if you guys know this, but a part
2:10of my main job is social media
2:12management. So, I specifically create
2:15content, social media content, for other
2:18people. Because of that, I can come with
2:20this lens of both being a creator
2:23personally, professionally, and a
2:26consumer. And maybe at the end of it,
2:28you can learn a little bit more about
2:30where you stand, potentially how
2:33[snorts] it's been affecting you, and
2:35how you can have certain strategies
2:38moving forward. So, that when you are
2:40using social media, you have more
2:42control over it versus it controlling
2:44you. I've shared my journey with social
2:46media before. In the beginning, you
2:48know, when it first had been created, I
2:51only posted food.
2:53I'm such a foodie, and I definitely
2:55posted a lot of food. And the thing is,
2:58like, I've always been obsessed with
3:00photography. The amount of photos I have
3:03on my phone and videos I have on my
3:04phone from traveling or food, etc., is
3:08probably an excessive amount, and it's
3:10the reason why I'm already reaching my 2
3:13TB of my cloud storage. It started off
3:16as a way for me to have an outlet with
3:19photography and sharing it with people.
3:22And then I would say when I went to
3:24university and at the tail end of my
3:27high school experience, I noticed how it
3:30wasn't becoming influencer yet because
3:32there were no reels, like, no videos,
3:35but I was quickly noticing how it became
3:38some sort of status, how there were some
3:40people in my high school or in my town
3:43that had more followers than others, and
3:46immediately was giving them this
3:48platform to to just show, you know, what
3:51they enjoyed,
3:53food pictures, but also like the status
3:56of who they are within that town. It
3:59depend on how many people you knew,
4:01how many likes you were getting. But
4:03then, of course, it just continued to
4:05get more and more intense, right? So,
4:07throughout university, that photos were
4:08still a huge thing, carousel post, being
4:11this sort of attention, right? Was
4:14pretty big. And I felt trapped to it. I
4:16know some people were completely
4:18non-influenced
4:20by that, but I definitely was because
4:23I felt like I was somebody who, although
4:26was very creative, I was in my own
4:27world, and very introverted. I felt like
4:31I was constantly searching for the
4:32external validation to be liked, to be
4:35seen,
4:37and Instagram was a way to do that. So,
4:40the way that I was portraying myself was
4:41not very authentic,
4:43was very posed, and it all came from
4:46external validation. And now, as it's
4:49progressed, it no longer was just a way
4:53to show photos, or even be a part of
4:55this status within an area, within a
4:58school, within a town. It is now the
5:00modern marketing, where brands are
5:03showing up, influencers are a thing.
5:05This is full-time jobs for people. That
5:08was not how Instagram had started. And
5:11TikTok also became a thing
5:13around 2020, or right before then. I was
5:16so late to game with downloading TikTok.
5:18I actually currently don't have TikTok
5:20anymore, and I definitely limit my
5:23Instagram consumption because I've
5:26learned a lot from not just working in
5:28it, and also doing some deep reflections
5:31on how it has been affecting a lot of
5:34people.
5:35So, first and foremost, I think we need
5:37to remember, and I said this already
5:39twice. I'm not sure if you caught it,
5:41but it is now the modern marketing.
5:45And that is a really important of
5:47information that we continuously forget
5:49while we're scrolling on social media
5:51and we're on social media.
5:53That now the default for marketing are
5:57not just ads, are not just on
5:59billboards, are not just infomercials.
6:01So, a lot of companies are now putting
6:04their money into specifically UGC,
6:08right? Cuz they noticed that a lot of us
6:11need real familiar people to know what
6:15their thoughts are on a certain product
6:16or service. Is that everything of what
6:19social media is? No. There's a lot of
6:21people just posting their day-to-day
6:22life. There's still some people that
6:24post food, but it has passed a point of
6:27just sharing for connection. This has
6:30become a job for a lot of people and a
6:33form of marketing for a lot of
6:35companies.
6:36So, that's something that we need to
6:37remember. And the reason why it's easy
6:40to forget is because everything now is
6:43portrayed as entertainment. And even a
6:45lot of people that are doing brand deals
6:47are not disclosing that as a promotional
6:50ad. And companies like Meta and TikTok
6:54are not able to keep up or do they care
6:56enough to be able to catch and audit all
6:59these people that are doing it
7:00constantly. And it's not always the
7:03creator's fault. In fact, I remember
7:05when I was in the beginning of my
7:08exploration of brand deals where
7:11companies would specifically ask, "Do
7:14not put on the tag of this is a
7:16promotional video." Like they would say
7:18that in the contract. Does that happen
7:20with every company? No.
7:22I'm just saying clearly it's not being
7:24audited enough that even the companies
7:26themselves have it in their contracts to
7:28not put it out there. And yet the way
7:31that so many of these very smart and
7:33creative creators are putting it out
7:34there is a way of entertainment as a
7:37natural part of their routine. And
7:40sometimes we're forgetting how
7:42influenced we are becoming with products
7:45and services. Now,
7:48I realize that this is a way for almost
7:50all creators to make money. Like think
7:53about how there's celebrities that will
7:56do a commercial or talk about some sort
7:59of product or service because that is
8:01another way for them to get income.
8:05And if you can imagine a full-on
8:06celebrity doing that, of course there
8:09are going to be so many lower grade
8:11influencers, micro, macro influencers
8:14regardless, that are using that as their
8:16primary stream of income.
8:19People that are buying all these Amazon
8:21products and then talking about it in a
8:24way that it's a part of their outfit or
8:27whatever, that's all strategic in order
8:29for them to get money through affiliate
8:30links. Now, I'm not saying this to shun
8:34all these creators and influencers. I
8:37do, however, think we need to remember
8:41that this is a tactic that that is
8:42happening. I saw this video of this
8:45woman saying like, "If leggings don't
8:46fit your body type, like you should wear
8:48dresses. This is what I was wearing
8:50today, you know, I had a little belt on
8:52and it was a length that posted to this
8:54Amazon group of all these products and
8:57that's like a way that she can make
8:58money. And you know what? As some of
9:01these creators should, you know, there's
9:02there's a reason why in shows and movies
9:06they'll have like computers with the
9:09logo not on it or like a fake Apple or
9:11whatever because they don't want to just
9:13promote a major brand for free. Creators
9:16on Instagram are noticing their power
9:19that they also were like, "Well, I'm not
9:21going to be promoting a product for free
9:23unless I can get a slice of that pie."
9:25That is fine. Once again, I'm just
9:27saying let's remember that that is a
9:30process that is happening though. So,
9:32social media now is not just all fun and
9:34games. We're being consistently
9:37influenced of things to buy. Aside from
9:40that, there are three main things that
9:43I've been noticing that is affecting
9:47us in a major way. And it's the reason
9:50why I really, really feel like limiting
9:54social media consumption is honestly the
9:57answer to all your prayers. We joke
10:00about how our parents generations will
10:02say,
10:03"It's the phones. It's the phones." And
10:05we're like, "No, no, no, it's not the
10:07phones." I hate to break it to you, but
10:09they're right. Especially at the age of
10:11being in your 20s, I really need you to
10:13listen to this. Our neuroplasticity is
10:16at its highest, which means that
10:19the ability to reconstruct what we
10:21believe in and how we want to identify
10:24and what we want to value can very
10:26easily be changed It's at its peak of
10:29being able to do that. The second thing
10:32is this is our first decade of our life
10:35where we are able to explore and learn
10:38who we want to be and how we want to
10:40show up in the world.
10:42We were never meant to see this many
10:45people on a constant basis. We know that
10:49yes, it affects our attention span. We
10:52know that. We know it's affecting our
10:53reward system. We are having a hard time
10:56reading a book. It's hard to watch a
10:57movie without going on your phone and
10:58scrolling on social media. It's
11:00obviously a problem in that sense. Sure.
11:04But this is what really was like, "Ah,
11:07this is why I keep having such a hard
11:11time understanding who I want to be and
11:14how I want to show up." As a person in
11:16your 20s, if you feel lost constantly,
11:21like a perpetual sense of feeling lost,
11:24I'm going to say to a certain extent
11:26that is natural because we go through
11:28identity crises and we're trying to
11:29learn about what we value and what we
11:32want in our life, but it's becoming even
11:35more difficult to find our footing
11:38because we are being bombarded
11:42with so many different people's opinions
11:44and values on a constant basis. And
11:46because of the scrolling, we're not able
11:49to take that information and discern it
11:52as, "Okay, is this an opinion? Is this a
11:54fact? Do I believe in this? Do I not
11:57believe in this? Does it align with my
11:59values?" Because when you read a book or
12:02you read an article, and you're doing
12:04this, you're flipping the page. There's
12:07actual scientific studies that will say
12:10when you flip the page, your brain is
12:12now downloading everything that you had
12:15just retained from that previous page,
12:18and also allowing your brain to have
12:20that quick moment to process what just
12:22happened. There's a lot of people going
12:24on there that are giving their personal
12:27anecdotal experience and explaining it
12:31as textbook advice. And why is that so
12:36damaging? Our brain has [snorts] no idea
12:41what we really value.
12:43Not to mention, almost everything we see
12:46online are highlights of people's
12:50perfect scenarios. So, not only
12:54are we in such a vulnerable position
12:56to constantly feel lost cuz you're like,
12:59"What are my values? What are my
13:01opinions?" But it's also very easy to
13:04also simultaneously feel so behind
13:07because when people are only posting the
13:11highlights of their life, you look back
13:14at your life in the mundane, just
13:17thinking,
13:18"Wow, mine doesn't look that good.
13:20What's wrong with me?"
13:22The reason why I focus on people in
13:24their 20s so much is because
13:28it was already hard. It was already hard
13:31before the phones. It was already hard
13:34before the internet. It was already hard
13:36before the political climate. It was
13:40already hard before the environmental
13:42climate issues.
13:44It was already hard. I want you to just
13:46reflect on how you consistently feel on
13:51these apps. I'll tell you some of the
13:53feelings that I feel. Most times I feel
13:56a tad anxious, and it isn't because the
13:59creators themselves wanted it to be that
14:02way,
14:03but I feel anxious because the two
14:06things with lost and feeling behind. I
14:08also look at people who might be sharing
14:10their promotions or their children or
14:12their marriages. And sometimes it's
14:15like, "Wow, I'm I'm nowhere near that.
14:17What's wrong with me?" So I start
14:19feeling behind. I think, of course, if
14:21it's like a friend or somebody I really
14:23care about, I'm so happy for them and
14:25I'm like, "Wow, that's amazing."
14:27Unfortunately, when you're scrolling and
14:29you saw 50 other videos of people
14:32posting their highlighted reels of their
14:34life, then you're like, "Oh, wait. Uh
14:37people are going to tell you, 'Well,
14:39there's a reason why you're jealous.
14:41There's a reason why you're feeling
14:42these things, etc., etc.'" You forget
14:44that the system on social media is built
14:46for you to fail. It's built for you to
14:49feel insecure. It's built for you to
14:51want to compare because those tension
14:54pain points are the addictive qualities
14:57for you to come back to the app. So you
15:00get back on the app, and you learn the
15:01trends, and you learn how people are
15:03doing their makeup, and you're learning
15:04how they're dressing themselves.
15:06Structured in a way for us to come back
15:09as all addictive things are. There's
15:11another thing cuz I already mentioned
15:13two main issues that I personally feel
15:16with Instagram.
15:18The attention span and reward system. I
15:20don't need to go deep into that because
15:21I'm sure you already know this. You
15:23know, it affects that. The second thing
15:25is that that mental noise of people's
15:28values, of the trends, and the opinions.
15:30It's very, very fast without your
15:32ability to critical think and process
15:35that information. And then the third
15:37major thing is because of the first two,
15:42we are having a really strong inability
15:44to be bored.
15:46And there's more studies about the
15:48importance of boredom out there. I
15:50encourage you to read it. I'll put some
15:52in the description there.
15:54Boredom is where creativity is
15:57born. It's also where sometimes we might
16:01have existential thoughts. And when
16:03you're able to do that and let yourself
16:05be bored,
16:07then you're able to finally process all
16:09this information you got and say, "You
16:10know what? Actually, I don't believe in
16:12this."
16:13The real question is, why do we Why do
16:16we keep coming back to it?
16:18Why do we keep coming back to it? We're
16:20told that our phones are ruining us.
16:23We're told that social media is ruining
16:24us. But why do we come back to it?
16:28By default, the app is addictive. They
16:30know it. They've created it that way.
16:32There's a reason why they created it
16:34that way. Aside from it just being like
16:37an addictive platform, it's the way that
16:40a lot of people are communicating now.
16:42It's a lot of how we're getting our
16:44information online. And it can be really
16:46easy to experience that FOMO. Like I
16:49remember when I deleted Snapchat years
16:52ago, years ago. There was a couple times
16:54that I had re-downloaded it because
16:57people were talking about it or like, "I
16:59sent you something on Snapchat." Or
17:01like, "Did you see my story on there?"
17:03I'm also hearing people on social media
17:05saying like, "Did you see so-and-so got
17:06engaged?" Like it's on their story. Did
17:08you see their post? Every time that
17:10those conversations happen in real life,
17:13I forget, oh yeah, like it's a platform
17:16for all. It's a platform where we're
17:18communicating our lives, our personal
17:21lives. It's also the brand deals. It's
17:24also the influencing. It's also the
17:27people sharing their opinion. And they
17:30really shouldn't be sharing their
17:31opinion. So, all of that is in one
17:34scroll sometimes.
17:36Another thing that I was realizing when
17:38I was writing it down is because in the
17:41beginning of this episode I was sharing
17:42how it all started with like our own our
17:45hometowns and we were posting on
17:47Instagram and very soon we started
17:50understanding
17:52the way that Instagram was set up
17:55gave these people a platform to show
17:58what their status level was at. And now
18:01it's built into so much more with
18:04influencers that we idolize them. I have
18:07a mini [clears throat] episode about
18:08like the psychology behind why we all
18:11want to be famous, why a lot of people
18:13want to be famous or want to be
18:14recognized. It's because fame in itself
18:18is
18:19one of the highest levels of success.
18:21Like you really made it. You're known
18:23world worldwide. You must be the best at
18:27that with your craft. And that's another
18:29reason why it can be hard to come off of
18:31that app is because we intuitively want
18:36to know more of like what they have to
18:38share, how can we learn from it? It also
18:41gives us a spark of inspiration of like,
18:43oh, I want to be really good to my craft
18:46and to continue further with like
18:48practicing it. I kind of
18:51talked about all the negatives with
18:53social media. Are there duality? Of
18:56course, I show up on there.
18:58I post on there. Do I post less now?
19:00Yeah. Because I'm recognizing
19:04it's not the impact that I want to give
19:06anymore. And
19:08how can I be
19:10miss detoxer
19:13and encourage you to stay on Instagram
19:16and TikTok when I know that it is one of
19:19the major issues. I have the most
19:21amazing friends that post on there.
19:24And I'm so thankful that I'm able to
19:27just see their content. But gosh, is
19:29that platform doing them a disservice,
19:32too?
19:33Some of it is not even being shown. It
19:35is hard to even retain all the good
19:39information that they're sharing
19:41because then I got lost in a scroll and
19:45my attention span, like I said, remember
19:47how you I said when you flip a page,
19:51you're able to download all that
19:52information.
19:54I want you to think back to your
19:57favorite creator and the main core
20:00things that they had spoken about. Can
20:02you do it? It's probably really hard,
20:05but you will probably be able to
20:07remember the last long podcast episode
20:09you listened to,
20:11the last book you read, the last movie
20:14you watched
20:15because it's a longer form of content.
20:18It's also intentional
20:20where you had probably actively sought
20:24that piece of content, whether or not
20:26you looked it up or you saw the title
20:29and said, "I want to listen to that."
20:31We're never asked every time we scroll,
20:34"Do you want to learn about X, Y, and Z?
20:37Do you want to see this?" No, we're just
20:39given it.
20:40So, we're also not given that autonomy
20:42to choose and we're not placed in a
20:44position where we're even able to really
20:47process what we're hearing. So, what are
20:51some of the things that I like to do now
20:53that you clearly know where I stand in
20:55this.
20:56I'm I will be honest, I'm currently at a
20:58spot where I'm like, "What is the point
21:01of me being on social media anymore?"
21:04But if I do,
21:06I love the little favorites tab.
21:09And I use Opal, the app Opal, and none
21:12of this is sponsored, by the way, the
21:14app Opal to set a limit of how long I'm
21:16able to be on Instagram.
21:18Sometimes I just set it to 7 minutes,
21:21and I'll scroll on there, specifically
21:24the favorites tab, because then you'll
21:26be surprised soon after that scrolling.
21:28You think you're only there for like 30
21:29seconds, and then Opal will be like,
21:31"Okay, it's done." And you're like, "Oh
21:33my gosh, how did 7 minutes go so fast?"
21:35And that's how we really lose track of
21:37time, and hours can go by as we're
21:39scrolling. That is a way for me to
21:41control at least staying to seeing like
21:45what some of my friends are posting on
21:48their platforms, because like I said,
21:49some of them are absolutely incredible
21:51and post like the most amazing things.
21:54However, I sometimes get too overwhelmed
21:57and lose track of it, and that 7 minutes
21:59really like hones in my focus for that,
22:03and I tend to get off after. I really
22:05do, because it's a pattern reset that is
22:08necessary for me to recognize when I'm
22:10doing. The other thing that I really do,
22:12and I've shared this before, is I delete
22:15my apps from my phone, the social media
22:19apps, specifically Instagram and
22:20YouTube, on the weekends. So, I have two
22:23full days where I am not in a position
22:26where I can scroll. I've heard a lot of
22:28people also use Brick. I find it's good
22:31to just have the apps off my phone, so I
22:34don't even see it, and it's also free.
22:36>> [snorts]
22:37>> I mean, you can get Brick if you want,
22:38and very smart. I just don't need it on
22:42my phone on the weekends.
22:44I think the only issue is if you are in
22:46social media marketing, like me, Brick
22:48might be good throughout the week when
22:50you are working, so that you can brick
22:52it off certain period of times. I think
22:53you need to explore where you're at with
22:56it. The other thing that I really,
22:58really want you guys to focus on, and
22:59I'm going to put something in the
23:01description for you to do this for
23:03yourself. I want you to reconnect with
23:07your values in life. And I said this for
23:10the morning routines video, but I didn't
23:12give a sheet for you to do it. There's
23:13this sheet of a bunch of different
23:15values. What you're going to do is
23:17you're going to print it out, cut it
23:20out. You can even write this out if you
23:22don't want to print it out of what you
23:24don't think is important at all, what
23:26you think is not really important,
23:28neutral, kind of important, and
23:30extremely important. And you're going to
23:32go through them.
23:33Take your time with it. Place where you
23:36think those values are going to be in
23:38your life. And and you can even save
23:40that and come back to it another 6
23:42months. That is really going to help you
23:45know where you actually stand on
23:48business with things. Like what you
23:50actually value in your life. And then to
23:54add on that, how are you able to support
23:57those values without social media? Most
24:00of them will be without social media,
24:02right? Maybe it's connection with loved
24:04ones. Maybe you realize you need to go
24:05see your loved ones more on the
24:07weekends. Like go see your family, your
24:09mom, or your dad if you don't live near
24:10them. I will notice when I'm
24:12disconnected from myself or feeling like
24:14a bit down when I realize I've done very
24:16little that aligns with my values right
24:19now. And the last thing that I want to
24:21tell you guys cuz this, similar to
24:23understanding the importance of values
24:25and how we're so influenced by it, this
24:27also really encouraged me to get off
24:30social media. And I'm curious if you've
24:31ever thought of it like this cuz there
24:33is one only one other creator that
24:35thought about this. If you love to watch
24:38movies, TV shows, or read books,
24:42you really like to consume those types
24:44of content. How boring would it be if
24:48the main character was always on their
24:50phone and always watching TV? It would
24:52not be a story. It wouldn't be a story
24:55worth reading or worth watching.
24:58And sometimes I think
24:59"Oh my gosh, I'm not even a main main
25:01character of my life." Because I am like
25:04that side character that they don't care
25:07anything about. Where we wouldn't really
25:09be phased if they were watching TV or be
25:11on their phone. They're not doing enough
25:14in this movie, in this story to be
25:17worthwhile paying attention to. They're
25:18just an extra. And I don't want us to
25:20feel like extras in our own life. We
25:23need to be the main characters of our
25:24own life. And those main characters are
25:26not doom scrolling on their phones. And
25:28also, they're not watching movies all
25:30the time. They're doing other things
25:31with their life. So, I don't know how
25:34this is going to sit with you. If this
25:36brought some resistance, I encourage you
25:38to think about what came up during this.
25:41Like, there's a lot that I shared here.
25:43Some of it might completely resonate
25:45with you. Some of it might give you a
25:46lot of discomfort. Some you might not
25:48agree with at all. And that's okay. I
25:51need you to sit with it and really
25:53understand like what are you feeling?
25:55Because that also might be then and
25:57there of value that you need to uphold.
26:02There's a reason why I don't do any
26:06brand deals on here, really. And it's
26:08because there's very few products that I
26:12even consume that I would even want to
26:14sell. And
26:17my reasons for doing this are first and
26:19foremost for connection. Full
26:21transparency, not a lot of money that I
26:23make with it. And it's because I haven't
26:25made that a priority. The only way that
26:28if you would like to support this
26:29financially for me is to buy one of my
26:31guides, Align Your Life With the
26:33Seasons. There's going to be other
26:34things I want to put up there. I clearly
26:37have some thoughts on the way that
26:40influencing is going. And it's a reason
26:42why I like almost as I'm becoming like a
26:45de-influencer. I've spoken to so many
26:47people within our generation from all
26:49over the world. I've been doing this for
26:51like 5 years now, and I just want all of
26:54us to feel better. I want all of us to
26:57feel happier.
26:58The world will never get better if we
27:00all feel sad and anxious,
27:02lost, and feeling behind.
27:05So,
27:07maybe I won't benefit like all the rest
27:08of them, but
27:10it is what it is. I'm grateful for
27:11anybody that's listening. Thank you so
27:13much for listening to this. Thank you so
27:15much for commenting on
27:17Spotify, on YouTube. I'm feeling so
27:21blessed and grateful to be able to
27:22connect with so many of you. If you did
27:25enjoy this, make sure to send it over to
27:27a friend. Maybe you guys can talk about
27:29it, share it online. I I'm loving all of
27:33you guys sharing where you're listening
27:34from, putting it on your stories. Like
27:36that's so cool. It's like, "Oh my gosh,
27:38you're watching from like completely on
27:40the other side of the world for me."
27:41Like that's sick. That's so cool.
27:44And once again, if you want to dive a
27:46little bit deeper onto some tips,
27:49then I have a free newsletter that comes
27:51out every single Sunday. I appreciate
27:53you for being here, and I'll see you
27:55next week.
27:57Bye.

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