What Does an Ego Death ACTUALLY Feel Like? — Transcript

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1. 0:00[Music]
2. 0:00[Applause]
3. 0:00[Music]
4. 0:10hey guys hope you're doing well
5. 0:12so i just wanted to talk in this video
6. 0:14about what an ego death feels like
7. 0:16obviously if you've been watching the
8. 0:18trip reports for quite a while now you'd
9. 0:20know that i focus on
10. 0:22reports that delve into the mystical
11. 0:24sort of profound nature of psychedelics
12. 0:27and with that comes the inevitability of
13. 0:29an ego death a lot of the time
14. 0:32a lot of people don't really seem to
15. 0:34understand what it really means and they
16. 0:36only seem to grasp
17. 0:38ego death on a conceptual level so i
18. 0:40just thought i'd
19. 0:41clear the air and explain some things it
20. 0:44may be a bit confused about
21. 0:47you can actually
22. 0:48induce an ego death on pretty much any
23. 0:50psychedelic
24. 0:51even say
25. 0:52for some people you could have like an
26. 0:54edible of weed and have some form of ego
27. 0:57death experience
28. 0:59and it really isn't just confined to the
29. 1:01classical psychedelics or say dmt or
30. 1:04firemeal dmt
31. 1:05because realistically what actually
32. 1:07happens is there are many degrees and
33. 1:09variations to ego death and each
34. 1:12individual's
35. 1:13in the ego death will actually be
36. 1:15different because obviously
37. 1:17your life path has built your ego up to
38. 1:19a point where
39. 1:21now what you're experiencing is like
40. 1:23your ego solidified so you're gonna have
41. 1:25lots of ego baggage and that will make
42. 1:27the experience very different from
43. 1:28person to person and yeah it can be
44. 1:30quite personal in a way but let's say
45. 1:33for example
46. 1:34i had
47. 1:37five grams of mushrooms which is
48. 1:38probably
49. 1:39you you pretty much guaranteed an ego
50. 1:42death unless you
51. 1:43surren oh well unless you suppress it
52. 1:46and you hold on uh the whole point of
53. 1:49ego death is to let go of your ego quite
54. 1:51literally
55. 1:52um
56. 1:53and that will allow you to experience
57. 1:55what what is actually going on
58. 1:57and let's say we take five five grams of
59. 1:59mushrooms and i do it purely for
60. 2:01spiritual reasons rather than just
61. 2:03getting on it at a party or whatever
62. 2:05because say when you do that that can
63. 2:07have a chaotic ego death because again
64. 2:09you're going to want to suppress it you
65. 2:11just want to keep staying in your human
66. 2:12mind
67. 2:13to enjoy what you're doing and that can
68. 2:16bring about a whole series of
69. 2:18catastrophic events much like i've
70. 2:20reported in the past where people have
71. 2:22ego deaths
72. 2:23uh
73. 2:24and don't even know what that what's
74. 2:26happening to them and they didn't go
75. 2:27into it one in one
76. 2:29but let's say hypothetically hey taking
77. 2:31five grams of mushrooms and you want to
78. 2:33actually induce one
79. 2:34and what's gonna happen is yeah
80. 2:36basically your
81. 2:37your mind is going to question more and
82. 2:39more and more of your reality you'll
83. 2:41become more conscious of your body and
84. 2:43personal history and
85. 2:45the illusory nature of life
86. 2:47and the visuals might get to a point
87. 2:49where say everything starts melting i
88. 2:51know i've had that on my first ever ego
89. 2:53death was on lsd
90. 2:56if you look at my one of my first
91. 2:58trip reports i did uh the panic on the
92. 3:00streets of manchester and
93. 3:02the brink of insanity on the brink of
94. 3:04insanity one where i was in my mates
95. 3:05bedroom that was my first ego death i
96. 3:07ever had
97. 3:08and it was induced by peeking on like
98. 3:11250 ug of lsd and also smoking weed on
99. 3:14top of it which again completely uh
100. 3:17dissolved my ego uh that really can
101. 3:19amplify it
102. 3:20and obviously at first i had no idea
103. 3:22what was going on i just burst out in
104. 3:24tears because i was just questioning
105. 3:26morality so much that quite literally
106. 3:28you deconstruct your reality so much
107. 3:30that you realize that your consciousness
108. 3:33is infinite and can imagine everything
109. 3:36including what you're literally a visual
110. 3:38field right now and all of the senses
111. 3:40within it
112. 3:41to create the most perfect illusion of
113. 3:43all time which is life and the ego
114. 3:47the whole point of its formation is to
115. 3:49is the infinite consciousness or
116. 3:51universal universal
117. 3:53[ __ ] sean connery mode there
118. 3:55universal consciousness has split itself
119. 3:58into infinite perspectives which
120. 4:01materializes say egos we all think we're
121. 4:04different from each other but actually
122. 4:05we are just one consciousness
123. 4:07experiencing itself subjectively you
124. 4:09might have heard this a lot from say
125. 4:10spiritual teachers and just
126. 4:13psychonauts in general
127. 4:16and the beauty of an ego death is when
128. 4:18that actually happens to you you'll
129. 4:20realize that yes that is the truth of
130. 4:22reality is that everything is imaginary
131. 4:25and this is all a grand illusion that
132. 4:27consciousness is dreaming up to
133. 4:28experience itself in
134. 4:30uh but obviously the the reason the ego
135. 4:32will resist it and fight it and it can
136. 4:34be painful and and tough and uh
137. 4:38mentally draining to
138. 4:40to resist it and that's why you can end
139. 4:42up doing mental [ __ ] like what i did
140. 4:43like taking my clothes off and running
141. 4:45around speaking in tongues and that
142. 4:47because yeah the
143. 4:48that built up energy is gonna explode
144. 4:51and you're gonna
145. 4:52do something crazy to hold on to this
146. 4:54material reality
147. 4:56so basically what's going to happen when
148. 4:58you surrender in that very moment of
149. 5:00your ego slipping away you'll realize
150. 5:02that
151. 5:04your biological birth was just the story
152. 5:06that you've imagined the past doesn't
153. 5:07exist the future exists doesn't exist
154. 5:10it's all concepts
155. 5:12the
156. 5:13the present moment is all that exists
157. 5:15and all that has ever existed
158. 5:17and that you are an infinite being that
159. 5:20has
160. 5:20deluded itself into thinking
161. 5:23that
162. 5:24there are others when actually we're all
163. 5:26one being that is experiencing itself
164. 5:28subjectively
165. 5:29which is what god is
166. 5:31and that's what you'll realize the first
167. 5:33time i mean i was an atheist for ages
168. 5:35for my whole life and then when i had
169. 5:37that ego death in that room
170. 5:39i just saw again
171. 5:42the infinite power of imagination and
172. 5:44how i can my consciousness is absolute
173. 5:46and can literally imagine whatever it
174. 5:48wants and that's why i say when you take
175. 5:50loads of psychedelics you can
176. 5:52hallucinate demons and angels and
177. 5:54creatures and entities
178. 5:55and because literally consciousness is
179. 5:58infinite and can imagine whatever it
180. 5:59wants
181. 6:00um
182. 6:02and it doesn't mean it's not real
183. 6:04because quite literally imagination
184. 6:06is forming reality so they both
185. 6:09they both play into each other
186. 6:12this is why it's important not to get
187. 6:13depressed and do obviously research life
188. 6:16and culture and religion and
189. 6:18spirituality before you i'd say you
190. 6:20haven't tried to induce an ego death
191. 6:23because if you don't know
192. 6:24that sort of the foundational aspects of
193. 6:27what's going on it can be terrifying
194. 6:28you'll think oh i'm all alone and it's
195. 6:30all meaningless and everything but
196. 6:32actually there's deep beauty and love in
197. 6:35the meaninglessness and aloneness
198. 6:38because quite literally we're so alone
199. 6:40that we are together we are all
200. 6:41literally one which is absolutely
201. 6:43beautiful i mean look around you look at
202. 6:45how
203. 6:46amazingly complex life is and
204. 6:48how full and rich it is and look at all
205. 6:51these egos that are all running around
206. 6:53and they've all got the back stories and
207. 6:56that that have been used to form what
208. 6:58they are right now and it's it's
209. 7:00fascinating and but obviously
210. 7:02if you had an ingo death in a really bad
211. 7:04setting setting this could really throw
212. 7:06you off and can give you ptsd and this
213. 7:07is why it's so important i think to
214. 7:10stress
215. 7:12what you're going in for and that's why
216. 7:13i think i love sharing these really
217. 7:16mystical
218. 7:17and powerful ego death
219. 7:20experiences on psychedelics because it's
220. 7:22i'd like to prepare you lot for
221. 7:24eventually one day when you might have
222. 7:26an ego death i hope i don't want you to
223. 7:28get ptsd or be traumatized which in a
224. 7:30way i sort of was and it's taken me a
225. 7:32long time to come around and integrate
226. 7:34all these experiences
227. 7:37but um just
228. 7:38getting back to the actual point of the
229. 7:40video sorry sorry i'm well bad at going
230. 7:42on these tangents but um
231. 7:44what does it actually feel like it's
232. 7:46literally orgasmic like cosmic
233. 7:49levels of orgasm
234. 7:51are induced in your body and it feels
235. 7:53like i think they call it a kundalini
236. 7:55awakening where what i had when my first
237. 7:57proper proper ego death basically yeah i
238. 7:59had like this what they call kundalini
239. 8:02awakening in a sense so i was shooting
240. 8:04out kundalini energy from the bottom of
241. 8:05my spine like it literally felt like
242. 8:07from the bottom of my spine almost
243. 8:08anything like my groin there was this
244. 8:10energy and it burst up right through my
245. 8:12spine into my head and then when that
246. 8:14happened i sort of literally just
247. 8:16my mind my idea of the ego of my who i
248. 8:20am and my my whole life just exploded
249. 8:22and i became i got a glimpse into the
250. 8:25infinite nature of reality and you can
251. 8:27this can be verified through not only
252. 8:29for your direct experience by literally
253. 8:31having an ego death but look at all
254. 8:33these reports and how similar
255. 8:35uh look at all the dmt reports and high
256. 8:37ground mushroom high dose lsd trips or
257. 8:41even just
258. 8:42trips in general lower lower dose trips
259. 8:44where people have ego deaths because
260. 8:45it's not based on the dose because you
261. 8:47can have an ego death on like a lower
262. 8:49dose of anything as long as your
263. 8:50consciousness
264. 8:52sort of induces it in a sense but say
265. 8:54for like more dense egos or for even
266. 8:57anyone in general if you take a high
267. 8:59amount of uh psychedelics it is gonna
268. 9:02it is gonna dissolve your ego whether
269. 9:03you like it or not
270. 9:05so when it's happening it was the most
271. 9:07orgasmic thing about i literally thought
272. 9:09i'd i i'd come to myself which is mental
273. 9:12i thought i genuinely ejaculated in my
274. 9:14pants but i had him it just felt like
275. 9:17that it felt like making love to to the
276. 9:18universe sort of slash making love to
277. 9:21yourself in in an infinite manner it was
278. 9:23absolutely the most beautiful thing in
279. 9:25in the world it was the most profound
280. 9:26moment of my entire life and when i had
281. 9:28my four ac dmt trip last year
282. 9:31what's interesting is
283. 9:33that didn't have the orgasmic feel to it
284. 9:35but i had that infinite
285. 9:36no self aspect to it where i was
286. 9:39everything and nothing at once
287. 9:41i realized that i'm not a physical or a
288. 9:44biological object but as an ego all i am
289. 9:46is an idea and when i dissolve this idea
290. 9:49is eliminated as though it never existed
291. 9:52and it also becomes impossible to
292. 9:55imagine how you ever thought you
293. 9:56actually existed
294. 9:58it just becomes so obvious that
295. 10:00everything is imagination
296. 10:03um everything stays the same but you as
297. 10:05the ego is missing so you become like
298. 10:07omniscient in a sense of everything
299. 10:10that's going on and the
300. 10:12beautiful intricacies of life and how
301. 10:14the
302. 10:15how it's all holistic
303. 10:17in an interconnected sense
304. 10:19you also see this grand narrative of
305. 10:21life and say like what god slashing of
306. 10:23universal consciousness
307. 10:25slash you at your highest level of
308. 10:26consciousness is doing and it is to love
309. 10:29itself in in infinite amount of ways and
310. 10:32to discover itself forever and ever
311. 10:34because since it is infinite it'll just
312. 10:36keep going on and on and on
313. 10:37and
314. 10:38yeah it might be scary at first your
315. 10:40first ego definitely might shake you up
316. 10:43no matter how prepared you are but if
317. 10:45you i promise if you integrate it and
318. 10:47meditate over it and contemplate and
319. 10:49continue to trip in a safe manner you
320. 10:52will integrate it further and further
321. 10:54and you'll realize that the absolute
322. 10:57nature of love with a capital l which is
323. 10:59everything even the most twisted things
324. 11:01in the world is just love because it
325. 11:02allows it
326. 11:04the evil evil is just the absence of
327. 11:06love
328. 11:07it's extreme unconsciousness say like
329. 11:09the closer you get to the center of cont
330. 11:11let's say
331. 11:12hypothetically this is how like evil and
332. 11:15love
333. 11:16love in the relative sense works
334. 11:18the further away you are from the center
335. 11:20of the source
336. 11:21slash consciousness slash universal love
337. 11:24the less love you will have and this is
338. 11:26how all the twisted stuff in the world
339. 11:27happened but it also acts as a
340. 11:31means for the relative love to exist
341. 11:34meaning they both collapse into each
342. 11:35other
343. 11:36into eternal love and yeah i think that
344. 11:38that is really that's really hard thing
345. 11:40to grasp and something i'm still trying
346. 11:42to deal with and
347. 11:44you know what
348. 11:45again i'd like to be a bit humble and
349. 11:47state that i don't fully know everything
350. 11:49that's going on at all this is just what
351. 11:51i've understood from
352. 11:53research and doing my own psychedelic
353. 11:55trips but i've only scratched the very
354. 11:57surface of what an ego death is this
355. 11:59rabbit hole goes well
356. 12:01it should go infinitely deep shouldn't
357. 12:03it
358. 12:04the more psychedelic trips you have over
359. 12:05your life the more insights you're gonna
360. 12:07discover
361. 12:08it's going to get deeper and deeper and
362. 12:10deeper
363. 12:12um and ego death itself is not an idea
364. 12:14of belief is a state of consciousness so
365. 12:16everything is a state of consciousness
366. 12:18so your ego self is a state of
367. 12:20consciousness and then
368. 12:23every other state of consciousness are
369. 12:24being drunk as a state of consciousness
370. 12:27and
371. 12:28accessing uh
372. 12:30the ego death state of consciousness
373. 12:31requires intense concentration and
374. 12:33stillness of the conceptualizing mind
375. 12:37and this can be amplified through the
376. 12:38use of psychedelics which again quiet
377. 12:40quietens the logical mind where it's
378. 12:42like everything is made of atoms and i
379. 12:44am composed of these cells that are
380. 12:47doing this thing
381. 12:48but when you have an ego death you
382. 12:50realize that that's all the fiction that
383. 12:51you're creating and i mean why wouldn't
384. 12:53you create the fiction because that
385. 12:54makes the dream even more real and it's
386. 12:57just the most amazing thing in the world
387. 12:59uh and unfortunately a lot of
388. 13:01psychonauts and spiritual people can get
389. 13:03lost in it and be like oh this is also
390. 13:06so sad and alone and everything but
391. 13:08realistically when you actually happen
392. 13:10when it happens to you you will know
393. 13:12you will know you've had your proper
394. 13:13like true ego death when you realize
395. 13:16that sense of love for everything and
396. 13:18yourself and well it's all yourself
397. 13:21that's the beauty of it is that i am you
398. 13:23and you are me and that is absolutely
399. 13:25like the most
400. 13:26fantastic thing in the world that we can
401. 13:28have this symbiotic relationship and
402. 13:31coexist in this dream as if we're
403. 13:34separate from each other but the beauty
404. 13:35of it is that we're all together and we
405. 13:36love each other unconditionally which is
406. 13:40it's incredible isn't it really
407. 13:42and i just well yeah i just i hope that
408. 13:44this has helped people understand it a
409. 13:45bit more
410. 13:47um
411. 13:48try to understand that yeah the the mind
412. 13:50is what con that comes the mind that
413. 13:52conceptualizes the ego mind is is what
414. 13:55is sustaining the fantasy
415. 13:57of
416. 13:57a you and an ego
417. 13:59in the same way that say like a video
418. 14:02game
419. 14:03sustains the appearance appearance of a
420. 14:06of a character like
421. 14:07like lincoln's elder
422. 14:10it obviously exists while it's while
423. 14:12it's being imagined by the video game
424. 14:14system uh which is analogous to the ego
425. 14:18mind but you plug the take the ego mind
426. 14:20out of the uh
427. 14:22out of the wall socket and the ego you
428. 14:25disappears and you become infinite which
429. 14:27is
430. 14:29the aim of say psychedelic use is to
431. 14:31awaken to yourself as this
432. 14:34infinite energy such infinite being
433. 14:35which is god slash love such the
434. 14:38universe
435. 14:39and yeah it's
436. 14:41absolutely
437. 14:42mind-boggling at first
438. 14:45to experience these things but i promise
439. 14:47that if you make if you're struggling
440. 14:48with stuff like this that keep
441. 14:51integrating remember to take time off
442. 14:53psychedelics and do things like get
443. 14:55immersed in the dream this is a problem
444. 14:56i'd say with like enlightenment and
445. 14:59people is they have these ego deaths and
446. 15:01so it can sort of become like addicted
447. 15:03to it like you have this like literally
448. 15:05obviously when you feel your ego
449. 15:06slipping away it can be orgasmic and
450. 15:09full of love but maybe when you come
451. 15:11back and your ego solidifies that's what
452. 15:13happens like after after you've
453. 15:14experienced this and however long i mean
454. 15:17time doesn't exist when this happens so
455. 15:20when you just when your consciousness
456. 15:21recently divides back into the ego you
457. 15:24might
458. 15:24so you can either go one or two ways you
459. 15:26can become really depressed be like oh
460. 15:28wow i am all alone which is just your
461. 15:30ego like tricking you into thinking it's
462. 15:32a bad thing because the ego wants to
463. 15:33keep staying solidified in this dream or
464. 15:36on the other side
465. 15:38you could become addicted to
466. 15:40enlightenment and then that will also
467. 15:42end up resulting in some karmic
468. 15:44consequences because if you're chasing
469. 15:46it for egoic needs
470. 15:49it's like pleasure and hedonism that is
471. 15:50gonna kick you right up the ass
472. 15:52eventually um but yeah off uh it's it's
473. 15:56important to
474. 15:57phase these ego deaths out i feel like
475. 15:59beginners obviously some people who are
476. 16:01massively immersed in psychedelics and
477. 16:03this is like say some people just like
478. 16:05purposes to
479. 16:06seek awakening then yeah happy days you
480. 16:09go for it but most people
481. 16:11most normies like me and normal people
482. 16:14from normal backgrounds etc
483. 16:17um even though i am very weird i don't
484. 16:19think i'm a normie um
485. 16:22they're gonna
486. 16:23they're gonna have to integrate it over
487. 16:25the course of their entire life probably
488. 16:27can't just run into this and expect a
489. 16:29shortcut to enlightenment it's gonna be
490. 16:31a whole
491. 16:32but it's gonna be a whole process that
492. 16:34you're gonna be undergoing your entire
493. 16:36life and remember to get immersed in the
494. 16:38dream don't get lost in god
495. 16:40consciousness all the time go out and do
496. 16:41things burn through your calm or go and
497. 16:44get a girlfriend or experiment with
498. 16:48substances in a safe way
499. 16:51explore states of consciousness travel
500. 16:54just do things that you enjoy hobbies
501. 16:55and realize the beauty of the dream that
502. 16:57infinite consciousness is imagining
503. 16:59and just know that when you want to you
504. 17:02can take psychedelics like fibromyalgia
505. 17:04dmt or dmt or any psychedelic really if
506. 17:07you're in if you do it right or
507. 17:10you can't and you can still you're
508. 17:12conceptualizing mine you are eventually
509. 17:15going to awaken to the grand truth of
510. 17:16reality which is yeah
511. 17:18infinity and that is what an ego death
512. 17:21will give you a glimpse of and they'll
513. 17:22keep developing and get deeper and
514. 17:24deeper the more you stick to it
515. 17:26and yeah just remember to stay focused
516. 17:28stay balanced and most importantly stay
517. 17:31grounded so you don't get lost in these
518. 17:33concepts
519. 17:34and yeah i hope this helped you out and
520. 17:36if not let me know in the comments and i
521. 17:38hope you'll be able to
522. 17:40help you out further if you've got any
523. 17:42questions about it and if you'd like to
524. 17:44hear more about this stuff in the future
525. 17:45then please let me know i'd love to talk
526. 17:47about it
527. 17:48thanks for listening guys
528. 17:57[Music]
529. 18:12you