What Christ Has Done for Me | Immaculée Ilibagiza | SEEK21 — Transcript

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1. 0:00our next speaker is a survivor of the
2. 0:02rwandan genocide
3. 0:04she lives each and every day of her life
4. 0:07exuding the light of christ
5. 0:09in some of the darkest corners of the
6. 0:11world
7. 0:12she's had the opportunity to love
8. 0:14and forgive in ways that many of us will
9. 0:17never have the opportunity to experience
10. 0:20sharing what jesus has done in her life
11. 0:22and coming to us from rwanda
12. 0:24please welcome immaculae ilobagiza
13. 0:28[Music]
14. 0:38the genocide started in 1994 i was home
15. 0:42easter
16. 0:43i will never forget it all started it
17. 0:46was about five hours five days after i
18. 0:48was home
19. 0:49i think three days i was home for the
20. 0:51holidays
21. 0:52and one morning my brother who have just
22. 0:55finished his master's degree you know we
23. 0:57were all students in my my
24. 0:59home that time
25. 1:02he came to my room in the morning about
26. 1:04six in the morning he pushed the door
27. 1:06which he never did before and he told me
28. 1:08you are still sleeping you don't know
29. 1:10what happened the president of the
30. 1:12country died last night i remember
31. 1:14jumping out of the bed and i told him
32. 1:17they're going to kill us
33. 1:18and he asked me why why we haven't done
34. 1:21anything wrong
35. 1:22i know he knew but maybe he just didn't
36. 1:25want to admit it or to accept it
37. 1:27but i still remember that moment because
38. 1:30in my country we were prepared we knew
39. 1:32that it was coming
40. 1:34few things prepared us there was a radio
41. 1:37was supposedly private radio that
42. 1:40literally used to spread hatred among
43. 1:43two tribes
44. 1:44so that people would hate each other
45. 1:46people didn't hate each other like
46. 1:48everywhere it is always
47. 1:50mostly the propaganda of the politicians
48. 1:52people who have self-interest who really
49. 1:55divide people otherwise people don't
50. 1:57wake up one morning because oh they
51. 1:59realize they look different or have
52. 2:01different tribes and still start to kill
53. 2:03each other so this radio literally was
54. 2:06spreading hatred for about two years
55. 2:08the journalists used to say things like
56. 2:10one day we will kill those people so
57. 2:13which was my tribe
58. 2:15and one day we would just
59. 2:17eliminate them from this country i'm
60. 2:19like oh why nobody's doing this it's
61. 2:22stopping them why no one is you know
62. 2:24arresting them
63. 2:26well we found out later that actually
64. 2:28that radio was hired by the government
65. 2:31that time to spread hatred among people
66. 2:34so they used to say it is private but it
67. 2:36was hired by the government that time
68. 2:39another thing that prepared us much more
69. 2:41beautiful that really again made me
70. 2:43realize what was going to happen it was
71. 2:46the apparitions of the blessed mother if
72. 2:49you know about lourdes
73. 2:50fatima our lady of guadalupe the virgin
74. 2:53mary appeared in a place called quebeco
75. 2:5612 years before the genocide and one of
76. 2:59the message she gave to these three kids
77. 3:02by the way who have been already
78. 3:04approved by the vatican in quebec
79. 3:06she gave a message and one of the
80. 3:08message said if you don't change if you
81. 3:11don't come back to god if you don't pick
82. 3:13up your rosaries and
83. 3:16pray to god to help you if you don't go
84. 3:18to your bibles and respect god's
85. 3:20commandments and pray for your country
86. 3:23what is going to happen will be so bad a
87. 3:26terrible thing is about to happen to
88. 3:28your country so and she said if it
89. 3:31happens it will be so bad that it will
90. 3:33touch everyone so i used to wonder what
91. 3:36is it going to happen
92. 3:37but she have already showed the children
93. 3:39people killing each other with machetes
94. 3:41dead bodies in the river so when it was
95. 3:44coming
96. 3:45and many people believe that actually
97. 3:47the people who killed the president was
98. 3:49his own people who knew that as head of
99. 3:52the country he might not allow them to
100. 3:54eliminate a whole group of people our
101. 3:56tribe so they killed him so he can be a
102. 3:59sign of let's start now the job
103. 4:02it have just started
104. 4:04so i remember i came outside i met my
105. 4:06parents we put on the radio we found out
106. 4:09like 10 minutes after the president died
107. 4:11they shut down every activity in the
108. 4:13country block the borders no one can
109. 4:15move from the home they said stay home
110. 4:18and they started to kill people family
111. 4:20by family i remember two hours later we
112. 4:22heard on bbc radio that 18 families have
113. 4:26been already been killed children and
114. 4:28mom and dad grandpa and grandma i
115. 4:31remember my dad saying this never
116. 4:33happened before why are they doing this
117. 4:36well
118. 4:37that what they call a genocide is the
119. 4:40attempt to eliminate a whole group of
120. 4:42people so it was all prepared and they
121. 4:44have just started
122. 4:45i remember people started to come to my
123. 4:47home asking my parents what to do i'm
124. 4:50really grateful i have known good
125. 4:52parents
126. 4:53who were faithful catholics who prayed
127. 4:56you know every day but who also were
128. 4:58loved by people so in the village so
129. 5:02people trusted that if they come to them
130. 5:04they will tell them the truth and what
131. 5:06to do
132. 5:07so i remember by the second day we had
133. 5:10about 10 000 people
134. 5:11children and parents and all the people
135. 5:14all around camping and cooking
136. 5:17the last image i remember of my father
137. 5:19my whole family really i remember my
138. 5:20father he had the rosary in his hand
139. 5:23and he spoke to everybody from different
140. 5:25tribes and people who were watching us
141. 5:27from the neighbors
142. 5:28and he said if it is a matter of a small
143. 5:31group that won't hurt us
144. 5:34do not be scared we will defeat them
145. 5:37then he says something i didn't expect
146. 5:40he said but if there's a government that
147. 5:42planned this
148. 5:43i cannot lie to you they will kill us
149. 5:46and then i'm like but
150. 5:48what then do we do you just don't tell
151. 5:50people they're going to die and he
152. 5:52really says something that
153. 5:54also started to impact my faith in a
154. 5:57different way right in that moment
155. 5:59he said even if it was a government
156. 6:02let's take this chance as god is giving
157. 6:05us a chance to repent so that we can go
158. 6:07to heaven let's ask him for all the sins
159. 6:10we have committed ask him for
160. 6:12forgiveness i'm like
161. 6:14somebody believe in heaven
162. 6:17truly again in my life every single
163. 6:19night
164. 6:20we said our catholic prayers together on
165. 6:22our knees in the friend in front of the
166. 6:25picture of the sacred heart of our lord
167. 6:28the immaculate heart of our lady
168. 6:30for like 15 minutes but
169. 6:32faith never touched me in a way to touch
170. 6:35me that way my father was one of the
171. 6:37people who is going to die and yet he's
172. 6:39saying this is our chance how many
173. 6:42people who know they're going to die
174. 6:43let's repent let's ask forgiveness to
175. 6:46god so we can go to heaven like he's
176. 6:48happy you know let's die we're going to
177. 6:50die
178. 6:51however i told people we're going to be
179. 6:53mad and scared actually they did listen
180. 6:56to him everyone was praying i was doing
181. 6:59the same thing god if i've done anything
182. 7:02please forgive me so i can go to heaven
183. 7:04if i i'm dying
184. 7:07after that he came and handed me the
185. 7:09rosary he had
186. 7:10and he asked me to go to the neighbor
187. 7:12who was from the other tribe and who was
188. 7:14a good man and i really have to say this
189. 7:17not everyone in the other tribe were bad
190. 7:20not everyone and i believe not even half
191. 7:22of them but the government was using
192. 7:24their tribe we who to kill them but many
193. 7:27people were good and he tried to hide
194. 7:29people
195. 7:30so i went to the neighbor
196. 7:33and i told him my parents asked me to
197. 7:35come there and he put me in this tiny
198. 7:37bathroom
199. 7:38three by four feet
200. 7:40i remember looking at the place i'm like
201. 7:42what am i going to do this is too small
202. 7:45well
203. 7:46as i was complaining he came back with
204. 7:49five more women
205. 7:51later he came back with two more women
206. 7:53now in three by four feet we were eight
207. 7:55people we literally had to sit on top of
208. 7:58each other i remember the youngest who
209. 8:00are seven years old others were the
210. 8:02older was 55 others were teenagers like
211. 8:05me
212. 8:06we sat on top of each other he told us
213. 8:08not to make any noise not to speak to
214. 8:10one another until the troubles has gone
215. 8:12away he told us that he would tell his
216. 8:15children that he lost the key of the
217. 8:17bathroom it was nice to see how much he
218. 8:19was trying to protect us
219. 8:21so we sat there
220. 8:23the second day went by we didn't even
221. 8:26see him no food
222. 8:28the third day he brought us food i mean
223. 8:30the food he can afford to give us
224. 8:32because of course he didn't tell his
225. 8:34children that were there
226. 8:36it was a leftovers of his children not
227. 8:38that he wanted to give us that but that
228. 8:40what he could afford
229. 8:41he gave us food they
230. 8:43put took from the garbage the leftovers
231. 8:46and he would bring one plate
232. 8:49so at the end of the week i remember i
233. 8:50had so many emotions i couldn't take it
234. 8:53so i dared to talk i asked him when he
235. 8:56brought us food
236. 8:57if he can put the radio outside so at
237. 8:59least we can hear what's going on in a
238. 9:01country he was kind
239. 9:04he put three radius different channels i
240. 9:07couldn't believe what was going on in
241. 9:09the country the leaders of the country
242. 9:11who were behind the private radio now
243. 9:14they were out calling everyone to find
244. 9:16any one of my tribe and kill them i
245. 9:19remember one government minister a man
246. 9:21who a smart a man i remember who had his
247. 9:24phd i think in france he was on radio
248. 9:27saying don't forget children a child of
249. 9:29a snake is a snake don't forget all the
250. 9:32people we must cleanse the country
251. 9:34that's when i realized
252. 9:36oh my god
253. 9:38things have gone really bad it was also
254. 9:40another a moment of a big lesson to me
255. 9:44my parents always said go to school as
256. 9:46long as you study everything is good and
257. 9:48of course we prayed home but it was
258. 9:50really a moment i realized that you can
259. 9:53educate yourself your mind know a lot of
260. 9:56knowledge but if you don't have the
261. 9:57heart if you don't have the love and
262. 10:00your heart faith to lead you to lead
263. 10:02your skills this can only damage i'm not
264. 10:05saying you shouldn't study you have to
265. 10:07you should but first our fate means so
266. 10:11much more
267. 10:12than what we learned in school
268. 10:15so they started to kill everywhere
269. 10:18people who run to stadiums to churches
270. 10:20they were giving prices to people who
271. 10:22killed more people
272. 10:24and then they gave order was for us to
273. 10:27start searching every home to see if
274. 10:29there is anyone was hiding
275. 10:31i will never forget the day they came
276. 10:34i was stretching i saw them through the
277. 10:35window of the bathroom
278. 10:37and then i thought it was a thousand
279. 10:39they were dressed in banana leaves all
280. 10:41kind of arms they had guns machetes
281. 10:44long spares and they started to search
282. 10:47everywhere
283. 10:48in that moment
284. 10:50there was nothing in my heart that can
285. 10:52tell me that maybe they might not find
286. 10:54me i knew i was dying in few seconds or
287. 10:58minutes this was a four bedroom house
288. 11:01this was not a building where you think
289. 11:03you can hide somewhere that was it four
290. 11:05bedroom
291. 11:06and i started to wonder how do you die i
292. 11:08felt pain i can not put in words it was
293. 11:12like a thousand needles were going
294. 11:13through my body like i'm in fire
295. 11:16and i'm dying but i'm burning but i'm
296. 11:19not dying
297. 11:20i remember thinking about pregathering i
298. 11:22mean i grew up catholic so i knew our
299. 11:25faith what he says about dying there is
300. 11:27hell there's heaven there's also
301. 11:28purgatory i'm like this must be what
302. 11:31people feel in purgatory nobody's
303. 11:33touching me and yet i am in pain
304. 11:36in that agony i started to feel like i
305. 11:39had two voices over my shoulders nothing
306. 11:42too strange the things we feel when we
307. 11:44are facing a challenge do it do that
308. 11:46don't do it you know and we know the
309. 11:48difference in voices i feel like one
310. 11:50voice was telling me open the door
311. 11:54and the torture why wait they're going
312. 11:56to kill you anyway
313. 11:58and that sounded like me being
314. 11:59reasonable
315. 12:01another voice however was telling me do
316. 12:03not open the door remember
317. 12:06ask god to help you remember who god is
318. 12:10god is almighty do you know what
319. 12:13almighty means it means he can do
320. 12:15anything do you know what anything means
321. 12:19it means even if they find you
322. 12:22they might not be able to see you if
323. 12:24only god wants
324. 12:25even if they shoot you
325. 12:27the bullet may not go through you if god
326. 12:30wants so you still have a chance and you
327. 12:33can still ask god
328. 12:35and then i'm like wow that would be
329. 12:37really good but uh is even god there now
330. 12:42the bad voice started to convince me
331. 12:44there is no god do you know how many
332. 12:46children dying
333. 12:48why would you think god is there and
334. 12:50then i got confused and you know
335. 12:53in times like that
336. 12:55all it needs for the devil to win over
337. 12:57you is you doubt about fate
338. 13:00and that's really i ask you especially
339. 13:02in this moment please ask yourself
340. 13:05do i really believe in god
341. 13:07and give him a chance to prove you to
342. 13:09you that he is almighty but if you don't
343. 13:12even believe in him like
344. 13:14you know why would you now you will be
345. 13:16confused then you will give him to the
346. 13:18bad voice
347. 13:19but if you believe in him then you can
348. 13:22at least ask him the next question you
349. 13:24might not know everything about god but
350. 13:26at least you believe he's there then i
351. 13:28remember making a promise to god i might
352. 13:31not know everything about you i will
353. 13:33continue to grow in my faith and to seek
354. 13:35you but i promise you i will never doubt
355. 13:38your existence again
356. 13:40anything can happen
357. 13:42you are god i'm not i would continue to
358. 13:44find out who you are
359. 13:46that was a big day there was no more
360. 13:49doubts in me but i needed now to know
361. 13:52who god is if i almost lost my faith
362. 13:55that means that i didn't have it strong
363. 13:58so i asked by the man who was hiding us
364. 14:01to give me a bible to start reading to
365. 14:04know who god is all my life i have
366. 14:07received the first communion confirmed i
367. 14:09was baptized of course and i prayed but
368. 14:12somehow i got to a moment when i wasn't
369. 14:15sure if god was there this time
370. 14:18i wanted to know who he is exactly and
371. 14:20who am i you know in the eyes of god so
372. 14:24that i will never have to be tempted
373. 14:25again to doubt him when i needed him
374. 14:29most i started to read the bible i will
375. 14:32go to the beginning you know
376. 14:34first let's understand things
377. 14:37why did you create me i know for sure
378. 14:39now you exist but
379. 14:40if i you gave me a choice i would not
380. 14:43want to be here because there's so much
381. 14:45troubles
382. 14:46and i feel like god was speaking i
383. 14:48really encourage you ask him questions
384. 14:50he will speak to you
385. 14:52and then i don't know how but i will i
386. 14:54felt like god was saying well
387. 14:57okay you ask me i will tell you i
388. 15:00created you because i love you i wanted
389. 15:03to share with you
390. 15:04everything i have that is so for the
391. 15:07good paradise with you that's why
392. 15:10parents have children because even if
393. 15:12they know things might be hard but
394. 15:14parents still want to have children to
395. 15:17give them all they have to love them to
396. 15:20give them affection i'm like okay i
397. 15:22understand that then i remember asking
398. 15:24my asking him again so how long am i
399. 15:27supposed to be here
400. 15:29how long does a human live
401. 15:31maybe a hundred years i mean how many
402. 15:33people who reach to that
403. 15:35okay let's say 100 years fine then where
404. 15:38do we go after that
405. 15:39there is a choice of heaven or hell is
406. 15:42up to you i'm like you know i don't look
407. 15:44about hell let me just look at heaven i
408. 15:47literally remember taking the bible
409. 15:49reading about heaven you know the roads
410. 15:52are demons and goals i really encourage
411. 15:54you also to read about heaven it is hard
412. 15:58to work for a price if you don't know
413. 16:00what it is about
414. 16:01heaven is
415. 16:03peace and love there's no more hatred no
416. 16:06more sickness no more
417. 16:09sadness everything is perfect the roots
418. 16:12are diamond and gold it's what a bliss
419. 16:15the more i i read more i'm like wait i
420. 16:18like that i mean who doesn't want to go
421. 16:20there then i started to ask myself and
422. 16:22asking god really so
423. 16:24what am i supposed to do to go there not
424. 16:27in hell to go to heaven i felt like god
425. 16:29was saying well look in the bible i gave
426. 16:31you guidance
427. 16:33i gave you commandments i remember
428. 16:35reading the commandments of god i'm like
429. 16:37i can do that this is not so hard
430. 16:39you know if i have to go to that place
431. 16:41for eternity
432. 16:43billions and zillions of years so
433. 16:45nothing compared to the life we spend
434. 16:47here on on earth compared to heaven
435. 16:49actually this becomes like
436. 16:51a dot on a map you know a blink in the
437. 16:53lifetime this life compared to eternity
438. 16:56so i really wanted to do whatever i can
439. 16:59to go to that eternity so i see the
440. 17:01commandments until i started to read
441. 17:03about forgiveness
442. 17:05uh forgive those who hate you and how
443. 17:07many times seven seventy times and i
444. 17:10will close the page in the bible then i
445. 17:13will read again love your enemies pray
446. 17:15for those who persecute you no no close
447. 17:18that page
448. 17:19i can do the commandments but not that
449. 17:21one and i realized that i was in trouble
450. 17:25actually i might not go to that nice
451. 17:27place
452. 17:28now i closed the bible because i didn't
453. 17:30know how to forgive how do you forgive
454. 17:32somebody who is trying to kill you to
455. 17:34carry your mother your father everybody
456. 17:37who will look like you have you forgive
457. 17:39them it's not even done yet they still
458. 17:42looking for us i didn't understand i
459. 17:44didn't even like the idea of forgiveness
460. 17:47but i knew i'm in trouble
461. 17:50if i don't let go to go to that nice
462. 17:52place
463. 17:53so i closed the bible i took my rosary
464. 17:55my father had given me when we were
465. 17:56separating
466. 17:58and i started to pray the rosary
467. 18:00for those who know about the rosary it
468. 18:02takes about you know
469. 18:0415 minutes 20 25 it can take an hour if
470. 18:08you decide to meditate longer
471. 18:10but let's say it took me like 25 minutes
472. 18:13the first rosary
473. 18:15i said it for the first time in that
474. 18:17bathroom i felt peace
475. 18:20my anger that was killing me whenever i
476. 18:23thought about it people were killing us
477. 18:25my blood will run faster my heart will
478. 18:28beat faster i will think about things i
479. 18:30can do
480. 18:31i'll be breathing hard out of anger my
481. 18:35body will be sweating out of anger so i
482. 18:38had huge anger in me was deadly then i
483. 18:41would go to fear what they would do to
484. 18:43me if they find me oh my gosh they will
485. 18:45rape me they would they would cut them
486. 18:47in pieces
487. 18:48fear was killing me as much as anger
488. 18:52then impatience i can't take another day
489. 18:54here i need to lay down i need to sleep
490. 18:57i need so it was too many emotions that
491. 18:59were so painful all that
492. 19:02stopped
493. 19:03when i was saying the rosary for 25
494. 19:05minutes then i said huh this feels good
495. 19:09let me say another rosary
496. 19:11in a few words
497. 19:13i end up saying the rosary all day
498. 19:15because it was only time i can feel
499. 19:17peace and that is a promise our lady
500. 19:19have given us that if pray the rosary
501. 19:22she will give us peace for each one of
502. 19:24us to this day when i feel there's no
503. 19:26peace in my heart
504. 19:28i have to make sure that i say my rosary
505. 19:31more because i say it every day that
506. 19:33what i already said for us to be able to
507. 19:36fight the devil to be in peace to even
508. 19:38fight with the challenges of this life
509. 19:41at least say one rosary a day
510. 19:43so i do that but also when i'm in
511. 19:46trouble i say more
512. 19:48so i say the rosary throughout the whole
513. 19:50day one after the other joining for sir
514. 19:53for you know glorious that time i think
515. 19:55we didn't have luminous
516. 19:57i remember how many rosaries i said
517. 20:00throughout the day that will fit the day
518. 20:02i said 27 rosaries every single day and
519. 20:0540 divine mercy chaplets every single
520. 20:08day
521. 20:09so i counted how it would go i prayed
522. 20:12from six in the morning until 10 o'clock
523. 20:14at night and i'll close my eyes right
524. 20:16where i was and fall asleep and i wake
525. 20:18up in the morning like fighting for with
526. 20:21the devil so he doesn't want to my mind
527. 20:23i would say in the name of the father
528. 20:25son and the holy spirit i am under god
529. 20:28no more bad thoughts you know i my days
530. 20:31in the hands of god
531. 20:32i prayed and i felt peace however after
532. 20:36i felt peace god is really gentle with
533. 20:38us he takes time to change us and he
534. 20:41wants us to start slowly so now i'm at
535. 20:44peace i'm saying the rosary all of a
536. 20:46sudden
537. 20:48i started to feel bad any time i would
538. 20:51reach this part of the rosary our lord
539. 20:54is prayer which is a part of the rosary
540. 20:56you say one
541. 20:57sixth our lord is prayer in one rosary i
542. 21:00multiply by 27 and then 40 more you know
543. 21:03i said like 40
544. 21:05i mean 200 almost 200 uh our lord is
545. 21:08prayer so anytime i will reach to the
546. 21:11part that said forgive us
547. 21:13as we forgive those who trespass against
548. 21:16us i was like no
549. 21:18i don't want to say that
550. 21:20and i knew if i say it i continue to say
551. 21:22it i'm lying to god
552. 21:24god who can see my heart so what am i
553. 21:26going to do now any time i reached that
554. 21:29it was like a red flag you don't mean it
555. 21:31you are lying to god and you know now he
556. 21:34looks in the heart so he knows you're
557. 21:36not saying the truth
558. 21:38and what happened when we we lie to our
559. 21:40friends we
560. 21:41risk losing them especially somebody
561. 21:44lying in your face because god can see
562. 21:46everything
563. 21:48well i had a better idea
564. 21:50i had idea that let me skip this part of
565. 21:53the prayer because i don't have to
566. 21:55forgive i can't even forgive even if i
567. 21:57wanted but at least i want to be in good
568. 22:00terms of god because i need him
569. 22:03so let me know lie to him like a good
570. 22:05friend
571. 22:06so i started to skip that prayer that
572. 22:08part of the prayer forgive us i was
573. 22:10saying not them but go to the next part
574. 22:14i did it so many days until one day
575. 22:17again god is gentle with us he's really
576. 22:19slow with us he knows us
577. 22:21until one day i was about to skip that
578. 22:24part of the prayer
579. 22:25i felt as if like somebody was touching
580. 22:27my shoulders like hey
581. 22:29maybe my guardian angel maybe our lady
582. 22:32you know who loves the rosary very much
583. 22:34maybe all old i feel like somebody was
584. 22:36saying hey
585. 22:37i hope you know
586. 22:39our lord is prayer is not man-made it's
587. 22:42jesus himself who said those words the
588. 22:45one you believe is god the one you
589. 22:47believe cannot make a mistake
590. 22:49if i were you
591. 22:51i wouldn't try to edit his prayer i'm
592. 22:53like oh what do i do now
593. 22:56what do you tell god he didn't know what
594. 22:58he was saying he's god he knows
595. 23:00everything
596. 23:02if he said pray this way
597. 23:04he didn't say some people some country
598. 23:07some situations he said everyone or his
599. 23:10his children
600. 23:12so
601. 23:13what do you do
602. 23:15for the first time in my life
603. 23:19i understood the meaning of surrendering
604. 23:23gave it to god
605. 23:25i felt that god was telling me you don't
606. 23:27have to know how to figure out
607. 23:30everything
608. 23:31give it to me you are only human
609. 23:35god is god
610. 23:37i gave it to god realizing that many
611. 23:40times i make mistakes in other ways i'm
612. 23:42right
613. 23:43and i ask him this time
614. 23:45okay fine i'm going to put back that
615. 23:47prayer but when i reach there i still
616. 23:50don't know how to forgive please help me
617. 23:53help me to forgive you are god i'm not
618. 23:56you know everything i don't help me
619. 23:59i felt such a peace just on another
620. 24:02level first i felt when i started to
621. 24:04pray very peace and when now i was
622. 24:07willing to hand it to god
623. 24:09not to have my judgment and my justice
624. 24:11in my own hand just ask god and tell him
625. 24:14i don't know how to but you are god he
626. 24:17has so much peace for
627. 24:19then i kept praying the rosary and
628. 24:21anytime i will reach that i would remind
629. 24:23him i don't know how but i will say the
630. 24:26whole prayer as you said
631. 24:28out of obedience to you but i still
632. 24:30don't have to forgive i kept praying
633. 24:32that way feeling much better at peace
634. 24:35until one day
635. 24:37i remember i was meditating on a fifth
636. 24:40sorrowful mystery when jesus was on the
637. 24:42cross i remember thinking about
638. 24:44everything that was happening not just
639. 24:46how we see it you know
640. 24:48on the cross jesus sometimes you see a
641. 24:51cross without even blood you know he's
642. 24:53just in there
643. 24:55but i wanted to see the whole scenario i
644. 24:57read in the bible what was happening you
645. 25:00know he's um
646. 25:01he's there the mother is there
647. 25:04i mean just think about it his mother do
648. 25:07you know what it is somebody love
649. 25:09if you are not a parent think about your
650. 25:11mom to see you in that kind of situation
651. 25:14it was pain for her even more painful
652. 25:16jesus towards his mother like that
653. 25:19hanging on the cross then i thought
654. 25:21about
655. 25:22think about a nail in your hand
656. 25:24in your feet paint yourself it hurts so
657. 25:27imagine having nails in your body it
658. 25:30must have been so hard we have crown of
659. 25:32tones his whole body is breaking and you
660. 25:34know heavy and the nails may be tearing
661. 25:37the body
662. 25:38and i'm like oh the more i thought about
663. 25:40them i said you know i'm still in the
664. 25:42bathroom but your situation is really
665. 25:44bad this is bad and to think that he
666. 25:47didn't do anything to deserve that
667. 25:50i mean even those who don't believe in
668. 25:51him they know there is a man called
669. 25:53jesus who was in the on the cross who
670. 25:56did not do any crime to deserve what he
671. 25:59was going through but as christians we
672. 26:01believe him as our god we believe him as
673. 26:04our savior he is the one who saved us he
674. 26:07was saving us he did this willingly he
675. 26:10could have blinked and everyone could
676. 26:13have fell down who were hurting him i
677. 26:15did it willingly so few things touched
678. 26:17me there how can one love this match
679. 26:20that you will actually accept to go
680. 26:22through this cross this much pain
681. 26:25i knew that where i was i was there
682. 26:27because i didn't have a choice but jesus
683. 26:29did it willingly you love me that much
684. 26:32he loves us that much that was something
685. 26:34that started to touch me and then
686. 26:37something that broke my heart open when
687. 26:40he said his last words
688. 26:42forgive them father they don't know what
689. 26:44they do
690. 26:46when he say that it wasn't the first
691. 26:48part that touched me it was the second
692. 26:51part they don't know what they do
693. 26:53knowing how much he did it willingly
694. 26:56lovingly which
695. 26:57i don't think if i had if i had one
696. 27:00second of power i would have killed i
697. 27:02would have killed maybe eight million
698. 27:05people from the other tribe that's where
699. 27:07my hatred was and yet he took it
700. 27:09willingly out of love and now he says
701. 27:11these words
702. 27:12especially this part they don't know
703. 27:15what they do
704. 27:16you know many times people ask me so
705. 27:18what are the steps of forgiving huh i
706. 27:21never really thought about it much about
707. 27:23steps but i can recall
708. 27:25my steps how i was changing how my heart
709. 27:28was changing
710. 27:30the first was praying
711. 27:32deciding to pray read from my heart
712. 27:34sincerely speaking to god and actually
713. 27:36realizing that i was not being sincere
714. 27:38to him and then accept and then
715. 27:41surrender but especially to hear the
716. 27:43words of our lord i had to believe him
717. 27:46fully that he was god
718. 27:48he was almighty and he did it out of
719. 27:51love for us
720. 27:52but when he said they don't know what
721. 27:54they do
722. 27:55it was like he was handed me now handing
723. 27:57me a formula
724. 27:59it's like one plus one is two you just
725. 28:01find out
726. 28:03they don't get it it was as if he was
727. 28:06speaking to my own heart telling me
728. 28:08people who are trying to kill you they
729. 28:10don't even measure the consequences that
730. 28:12will come to them they don't know what
731. 28:13they do
732. 28:14people who are doing this they don't
733. 28:17even get the pen they are causing you
734. 28:19they don't know that the whole country
735. 28:21the whole world would be affected of
736. 28:23this
737. 28:24and you trying to be like them does not
738. 28:26change anything
739. 28:28learn from me look what i went through
740. 28:31look at my mother how she behaved
741. 28:33through all her pain
742. 28:35learn from us
743. 28:36it was in that moment i truly got it
744. 28:40people are hurting us they don't get it
745. 28:42and us trying to be like them
746. 28:44actually hearing them more than they
747. 28:46hate us they have just won to get us
748. 28:48where they want us to be
749. 28:50i feel like a huge luggage was lifted
750. 28:52from
751. 28:53from my shoulders
752. 28:54i can be free now i don't have to
753. 28:56compete with evil i remember feeling
754. 28:59like the world was divi
755. 29:02i remember feeling like the world was
756. 29:04divided in two parts
757. 29:06a part of love and a part of hate and a
758. 29:08part of hate were people like hitler
759. 29:10people were causing the genocide in
760. 29:12rwanda and the part of love were people
761. 29:14like
762. 29:15you like people who the saints people
763. 29:18have fought for peace people we know in
764. 29:20history like gandhi mother teresa
765. 29:23mandela i feel like jesus was asking me
766. 29:26where do you want to be
767. 29:28do you want to be with the hitler people
768. 29:30who are hurting those who are
769. 29:32doing the genocide and truly i felt like
770. 29:34i was on that side because my plan was
771. 29:37to revenge but when i saw people on the
772. 29:39side of love where they are peace these
773. 29:41people don't revenge these people
774. 29:43forgive
775. 29:44these people no matter what have
776. 29:46happened to them they defend truth they
777. 29:49defend they defend love
778. 29:52they defend peace
779. 29:54when i saw that
780. 29:55these are the people i wanted to be with
781. 29:57and actually on top of just defending
782. 30:00love and peace these people believe that
783. 30:03whoever is on the side of hate if they
784. 30:05choose
785. 30:06they can also change people are not just
786. 30:08evil as long as we still have this life
787. 30:11we haven't been judged by god to either
788. 30:14go help or get free in heaven
789. 30:16as long as we're still breathing we have
790. 30:18power to change
791. 30:19when we have god when i saw that then i
792. 30:23was excited not only that luggage was
793. 30:26lifted but i was excited i knew that i
794. 30:28would spend my life praying for people
795. 30:31who are on the side of hate
796. 30:33and if i can change and come on this
797. 30:35side of love them today can change maybe
798. 30:38if i pray for them harder so that the
799. 30:41grace of god can also touch their heart
800. 30:43i felt free i felt such a joy
801. 30:47you know after that i remember my heart
802. 30:50was now i have to think about my future
803. 30:52what if i find a job what if i survive
804. 30:54what am i going to become
805. 30:57and i started to learn english
806. 30:59in the bathroom without talking i asked
807. 31:01the man to give me a book in english and
808. 31:04the dictionary english french and with
809. 31:06that i can learn one word with word by
810. 31:09one word
811. 31:10i thought you know i might what if i get
812. 31:13a job with people who speak english
813. 31:15and to tell you the truth where i am
814. 31:16today i'm writing books in english i
815. 31:19moved to the u.s right after that
816. 31:22that was the beginning of what was going
817. 31:23to be my journey i also learned from
818. 31:26that that
819. 31:27when our hearts are clean
820. 31:29when we now really reject that anger
821. 31:32that control us
822. 31:33god can show us clear what is coming we
823. 31:36can see almost in the future
824. 31:38and that because i was able to live with
825. 31:40the anger and because i was able to
826. 31:43think about those who have hurt me and
827. 31:46truly pray for them so them too can
828. 31:48change
829. 31:49we ended up staying in that bathroom
830. 31:51three months from april until july
831. 31:55when i came out i was hoping that
832. 31:57somebody in my family was hiding just as
833. 31:59i was
834. 32:00but i found out the very first night
835. 32:02that everyone had been killed
836. 32:04my mom my dad my brothers my uncles
837. 32:08aunts
838. 32:09my grandma my grandpa a million people
839. 32:12was killed in a period of three months
840. 32:14everywhere was their bodies
841. 32:16everywhere it was horrible sin
842. 32:19and i remember thinking forget about
843. 32:21praying let me just be like normal
844. 32:23because prayer felt like it was like a
845. 32:25shield i couldn't feel what i used to
846. 32:28feel before it was like a piece that was
847. 32:30almost abnormal how do i feel peace when
848. 32:33this is happening
849. 32:34but i loved it when i didn't want to
850. 32:36think about it but now let me face it i
851. 32:39thought that was a natural thing to feel
852. 32:41all this pain and be there but i put my
853. 32:44rosary down on the side and i cried cry
854. 32:47for the five minutes
855. 32:49and after that i felt like there was
856. 32:51like a giant hand of god
857. 32:53something that was holding me tight and
858. 32:55reminding me hey
859. 32:58the journey of your loved ones is over
860. 33:00here on earth are not in heaven and more
861. 33:03than many you know
862. 33:05but your journey is not over yet
863. 33:09it might be one week one more day one
864. 33:12year two years 10 20 50 years 60 years
865. 33:16but whatever that is only god knows
866. 33:19and i feel like god was telling me what
867. 33:21is in your power
868. 33:23is how you choose to use your life again
869. 33:26you don't know how long it's going to be
870. 33:27and truly
871. 33:29who among us knows how long we live
872. 33:31we're here every day people who die by
873. 33:34accident or who just don't wake up we
874. 33:36don't know what what is in our power is
875. 33:39to deal with one moment by one moment i
876. 33:42feel like he was literally giving me a
877. 33:43choice you can choose to love or to hate
878. 33:46to be constructive use your life to do
879. 33:48something good or use it to be bad be
880. 33:51kind or be mean but if you choose love
881. 33:54if you choose kindness whatever every
882. 33:57moment of your life and if you fall
883. 33:59apologize then you will be new again go
884. 34:02to confession but if you choose love
885. 34:05i will be with you whatever you need i
886. 34:07will give it to you
887. 34:08ask me anything
888. 34:10for what do you need i will give it to
889. 34:12you and i felt like god was even making
890. 34:14it bigger telling me
891. 34:16you don't
892. 34:17have to ask for everything right now
893. 34:19if you are still alive tomorrow
894. 34:22i will be there too
895. 34:23so that really told me just ask for what
896. 34:26you need today and then i would write
897. 34:28letters to god i'm like i need a friend
898. 34:30i need somebody to talk to um i need
899. 34:33food to eat just today
900. 34:35i need peace
901. 34:37i need to feel secure i need
902. 34:40i need
903. 34:41a jacket i'm cold literally little
904. 34:44things just i needed but in that moment
905. 34:46if you know sometimes greedy we want
906. 34:49everything at one time if you get me
907. 34:51house i would not have known how to
908. 34:52manage it i would not even have felt
909. 34:55peaceful you know to be in that home
910. 34:58but i just wanted what i needed that day
911. 35:00and that's what i said god was asking me
912. 35:03slowly day by day i would ask him i need
913. 35:06the room to sleep in because for three
914. 35:08weeks we slept on the ground
915. 35:10there was nothing it was just grass mud
916. 35:14and stones
917. 35:15and i felt okay as long as i was not in
918. 35:17the bathroom anymore it was also the
919. 35:19time i started to to look around and see
920. 35:21the things i took for granted
921. 35:24for the first time i can feel the bleeds
922. 35:26the the breeze of the
923. 35:28the wind on my face in three months for
924. 35:31the first time in three months i can
925. 35:33feel the warmth of the sun on my skin
926. 35:35all these things i never
927. 35:37thought about being thankful for the
928. 35:39first time in three months i can talk
929. 35:41and feel free and no one is running
930. 35:43after me
931. 35:44it was really then i realized also we
932. 35:47have so many things we take for granted
933. 35:49be grateful count your blessings even
934. 35:52when there's so many things to worry
935. 35:54about
936. 35:56so
937. 35:56in that refugee camp hearing that voice
938. 35:58of god that invited me to love every
939. 36:01moment and forgive
940. 36:03those i am with i literally have to
941. 36:05start right there i started taking of
942. 36:07the people in the refugee camp you know
943. 36:09some people had wounds on their skin i
944. 36:12remember when i came out of the bathroom
945. 36:14people would run after away from me
946. 36:16because i went in i was 115 pounds i
947. 36:19came out i was 65 pounds i was bones but
948. 36:22my heart was big
949. 36:23i was so happy inside i knew god more
950. 36:26than
951. 36:27before
952. 36:28and when people look at me like oh she's
953. 36:30boned she's a skeleton i laughed at them
954. 36:32i'm like i'm seeing the same person
955. 36:34inside
956. 36:35and there that's what i learned to do
957. 36:38take every moment as a gift start to
958. 36:41help in the refugee camp just every day
959. 36:43as they comes
960. 36:44and to tell you the truth to this day
961. 36:46when i wake up i take it as a gift every
962. 36:49day there is new
963. 36:50intentions new prayers requests
964. 36:53but the most important thing i have to
965. 36:56be that loving person every day
966. 36:58and i am a catholic i fall many times i
967. 37:01realize that i fall many times i realize
968. 37:04things i could have done better i could
969. 37:05have loved better i could have i would
970. 37:08not i should not have done in any time i
971. 37:10do i remember that i have to go to
972. 37:12confession or if i'm not able especially
973. 37:15these times i have to go on my knees and
974. 37:17ask god forgive me and start again and
975. 37:20that's the life we have today and again
976. 37:22if you read my book and i continued
977. 37:25i found a job i moved to the united net
978. 37:29states to united states 1988 when i got
979. 37:32married and i work with united nations
980. 37:35until 2006 when i wrote my facebook
981. 37:38and during this time i really knew that
982. 37:40i want to tell my story to share with
983. 37:42somebody but how how do you do that and
984. 37:44i have to remember
985. 37:46god who protect me in the bathroom
986. 37:48was still there even in the united
987. 37:50states even in my own heart again
988. 37:52continuously whatever requests i have
989. 37:54presented to him my book came out three
990. 37:58two weeks after it was out i never knew
991. 38:00how to write books it was a series of
992. 38:02miracles and begging god fasting praying
993. 38:05my rosary
994. 38:06two weeks after it was out it was new
995. 38:08york times bestseller
996. 38:10but to this day i continue to count
997. 38:12every blessing and give credit for every
998. 38:15blessing i get give credit to god
999. 38:18so my dear brothers and sisters i want
1000. 38:20to stop here and i want to thank you
1001. 38:22again for listening to me
1002. 38:24and i just want to say this
1003. 38:27please whatever you might be going
1004. 38:29through i know we all live different
1005. 38:31situations
1006. 38:32but whatever you may be going through
1007. 38:34remember hold on to god hold on to your
1008. 38:37prayers
1009. 38:38respect god and his commandments try
1010. 38:41your best
1011. 38:42as long as you you're trying apologize
1012. 38:44for what you have done wrong but do your
1013. 38:46part because when you do your part god
1014. 38:49will do his part but if we disrespect
1015. 38:51him just like any other parent then we
1016. 38:54can't even hear his voice
1017. 38:56hold on to god
1018. 38:58no matter what is coming what do we fear
1019. 39:01don't listen to that fear but focus on
1020. 39:03prayer especially the rosary and reading
1021. 39:06the bible go to mass if you can because
1022. 39:08many people now in the world are not
1023. 39:10even able to go and not allowed to go
1024. 39:13but hold on to prayer you can speak to
1025. 39:15your own heart i mean to god in your own
1026. 39:17heart
1027. 39:18and lastly if i can forgive anyone can
1028. 39:21forgive i know the pain of unforgiveness
1029. 39:25and the damage of unforgiveness so i
1030. 39:28plead you
1031. 39:30dare to do it there is so much joy
1032. 39:33so much freedom
1033. 39:35please pray for me
1034. 39:37and i pray for you may god bless you