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"We'll All Be Thinking of You," My Daughter Texted After Giving My $31,400 Alaska Cabin to Her Mo... — Transcript

by Buried Bloodlines · 3,754 words · 616 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00The text came in at 7:14 on a Tuesday
0:03morning while I stood in my closet
0:06trying to decide between two rain
0:08jackets for Alaska. And by lunchtime, my
0:11daughter's credit card was declining at
0:14a Kroger checkout. I want to tell you
0:17how I got there because I wasn't angry
0:19when it started. I was happy. I had been
0:22happy all week. My suitcase lay open on
0:25the guest bed and I had been filling it
0:27in stages the way you do
0:30when you've waited a long time for
0:31something. Wool socks, a fleece, a
0:35little fold-up umbrella
0:37I'd bought at the Target on Route 23
0:39just for this.
0:4114 days on a small ship through the
0:43Inside Passage, Juneau, Ketchikan,
0:47Glacier Bay. I booked it 8 months ahead
0:50and paid $31,400
0:53for a family package.
0:55A big stateroom with a balcony for me
0:58and connecting cabins for my daughter
1:00Jenna, her husband Brandon, and their
1:02two kids, Nora and Finn.
1:05Tell me the name of your city in the
1:07comments and I'll tell you what happened
1:10next.
1:11My late husband Carl and I talked about
1:14Alaska for 20 years.
1:16He kept a map of it taped inside his
1:19workshop cabinet.
1:21"Someday," he always said. Then he had
1:23his heart attack at 61 standing in our
1:26driveway with a bag of mulch and someday
1:29turned out to be a word for people with
1:31more time than we had. So I stopped
1:34waiting. I'm Joan Murray. I'm 63 and I
1:38spent 31 years as a high school
1:41principal in Dublin, Ohio. So I do not
1:44stop easily once I've decided something.
1:47I picked up my phone from the cedar
1:49chest at the foot of the bed. The
1:51message was from Jenna.
1:54"Mom, I need to ask you something and I
1:57need you to stay calm.
1:59Brandon I have been talking and we think
2:02it makes more sense for his mom, Sharon,
2:05to take your spot on the trip.
2:07She just went through a brutal divorce
2:09and really needs the lift.
2:12You always say you can travel anytime
2:14now that you're retired. We'll all be
2:17thinking of you.
2:18I read it three times. We'll all be
2:21thinking of you.
2:23As if I were a retired greyhound and
2:25they'd found a nice neighbor to check in
2:27on me.
2:28Outside, the oak in my backyard had just
2:31started turning gold.
2:33It was a beautiful October morning and I
2:36sat on the cedar chest in my robe.
2:38Healthy, sharp, perfectly able to climb
2:41a gangway, reading that my own daughter
2:44had handed my seat to someone else.
2:47I didn't cry.
2:48When Jenna was younger, I cried over her
2:51all the time.
2:52I'd lie awake replaying conversations,
2:55hunting for what I'd said wrong. But
2:57somewhere in the last few years,
2:59something in me had gone quiet. The way
3:02a pond goes quiet right before it
3:04freezes over.
3:06I put the phone down.
3:08Then I picked it back up and called the
3:10travel company.
3:12After 4 minutes of hold music, a woman
3:14named Deb came on, bright and quick. The
3:17voice of someone 11 calls into a hard
3:20morning. I gave her my name,
3:22my reservation number, and my passcode.
3:26Mrs. Murray, I'm glad you called, she
3:28said.
3:30Someone phoned about an hour ago
3:33asking to put a different passenger into
3:35your stateroom and take you off the
3:37primary berth.
3:39I couldn't make the change. Anything
3:41like that has to be authorized by the
3:43account holder and that's you.
3:46I shut my eyes.
3:47So the text hadn't been a question at
3:49all.
3:50Jenna had already tried to do it behind
3:53my back and the company had stopped her.
3:56The text was clean up.
3:58Thank you, Deb, I said. Since I'm the
4:01account holder, I'd like to cancel the
4:03whole booking.
4:05A pause, then keyboard clicks.
4:08The entire thing?
4:10Okay. Per the policy,
4:12you'd forfeit the $4,200
4:15deposit, and the remaining $27,200
4:19goes back to your card.
4:21Do you want me to proceed?
4:23Yes, all of it.
4:25I watched the oak while she typed.
4:28Losing $4,000 was not nothing.
4:32It was still cheaper than 2 weeks at a
4:34dinner table with people who wished I'd
4:36stayed home.
4:38When the confirmation email landed, I
4:40thanked Deb, hung up, and wrote back to
4:43my daughter.
4:44That makes complete sense.
4:46I wouldn't want to be in the way.
4:49I've canceled the entire reservation, so
4:51you and Brandon can arrange whatever
4:54works for your family and Sharon.
4:56Enjoy your fall.
4:58I hit send, set the phone on the
5:00dresser, and went to make coffee.
5:03I know how to wait. You don't run a
5:05building with 1,400 teenagers and 100
5:09teachers without learning when not to
5:10react. I ground the beans, filled the
5:14French press, and let it steep 4 full
5:17minutes.
5:19The phone stayed silent for three of
5:20them.
5:21Then it went wild.
5:23I turned the ringer off and opened my
5:25laptop.
5:27Here's what most people don't know.
5:29For nearly 6 years, I had been quietly
5:32holding up my daughter's household, and
5:35it had grown so gradually that I never
5:37once looked at the whole thing at once.
5:41It began when Brandon's engineering firm
5:43lost a big contract, and he went 8
5:46months without steady pay.
5:48Jenna called me in tears.
5:50They were going to miss the mortgage.
5:53I sent $12,000 from the money Carl left
5:57me, and told myself it was a one-time
5:59thing. Then came the emergencies, first
6:02every few months, and then every month.
6:06I made Jenna a joint holder on my
6:08checking account at the credit union, so
6:10she could reach funds quickly.
6:13I paid their health insurance gap when
6:15Brandon changed jobs. I paid the kids
6:18private school tuition because Jenna
6:20said the public school wasn't a fit. I
6:24put their Honda Pilot on my auto policy
6:26with Mills Insurance when theirs lapsed,
6:29a vehicle I'd never even ridden in. I
6:32paid for a storage unit across town
6:35where Jenna kept furniture she had no
6:37room for, $180
6:40a month, a bill I hadn't thought about
6:42in 2 years.
6:44I called it helping. I think, honestly,
6:48I called it love, and I'm not sure I'd
6:50have called it anything else if you'd
6:52asked me then.
6:54I logged into the portal and opened the
6:56joint account.
6:57The history scrolled past like a receipt
7:00for somebody else's life.
7:033 weeks earlier, $380
7:06at a wine bar in Scottsdale. The weekend
7:09Jenna said they were at a work
7:11conference for Brandon. 2 weeks earlier,
7:14$215 at a day spa. 1 week earlier, $640
7:21at an outdoor outfitter, Alaska gear.
7:23I sat very still with my mug in my hand.
7:26They had bought gear for the trip with
7:29money from my account. For a trip they'd
7:31planned without me.
7:33I removed Jenna from the joint account.
7:35Then I opened the credit card I'd added
7:37her to for emergencies and looked at
7:40those charges.
7:41A meal kit service every week.
7:44$900 at a furniture boutique in March.
7:48A wine club. $1,100
7:51at an electronic store last Tuesday.
7:54I closed the card.
7:56The refrigerator hummed.
7:59A cardinal landed on the feeder outside
8:01the window, and I thought, with a
8:03clarity I'd been avoiding for years,
8:06that I had known.
8:08Not the details,
8:09but the shape. I just hadn't wanted to
8:12look
8:13because looking meant I'd have to do
8:15something.
8:16I called the storage facility and gave
8:18them my account number.
8:21"I'd like to cancel the unit effective
8:23the end of this month."
8:25"Sure. You'll need to have it emptied by
8:28October 31st or the contents get
8:31donated."
8:32"That's fine. Please send the notice to
8:35me and to my daughter." And I gave them
8:37Jenna's email from memory.
8:40Then I canceled the swim team auto pay,
8:43the piano lessons,
8:45the Costco membership I'd been renewing
8:47in Jenna's name,
8:49the streaming accounts.
8:50Each click was quiet and deliberate.
8:53I wasn't throwing a fit.
8:55I was putting my finances back in the
8:57shape of my own life.
8:59My phone buzzed twice against the
9:01counter. Two texts.
9:03"Mom, my card isn't working. Then it got
9:07declined at Kroger in front of everyone.
9:10There must be a bank error. Can you call
9:11them?"
9:13A bank error, of course.
9:15I didn't answer. I called my agent at
9:18Mills Insurance, a patient man named
9:20Keith, and asked him to take the pilot
9:22off my policy.
9:24"Not selling it?" he asked. I said no.
9:27"My daughter would be arranging her own
9:29coverage." He promised it would be done
9:32by midnight and he said kindly, "Joan,
9:35about time you called."
9:37I printed the confirmation. Jenna
9:39called, then Brandon. I let both go to
9:42voicemail.
9:4320 minutes later I heard tires on
9:45gravel. I'd known that sound for 2
9:48years.
9:49Jenna pulling in unannounced to drop off
9:51the kids, raid my pantry, or borrow my
9:55garden tools that never came home.
9:58I walked to the front door and opened it
10:00before she could knock.
10:01Her hair was done like she'd planned on
10:04a nicer day.
10:06Brandon stood two steps behind her with
10:08his arms folded.
10:10"Mom."
10:11Jenna's voice was tight. "The card got
10:13declined. The piano payment bounced. The
10:17joint account says access denied, and
10:19the storage place sent me some
10:21cancellation notice.
10:23What is going on?"
10:24"I think it's fairly self-explanatory."
10:27I said.
10:28"You're punishing us because we changed
10:30the trip." Brandon said, in that calm,
10:33faintly superior voice he used when he
10:36wanted to be the reasonable adult in the
10:38room.
10:39"We made a practical decision for the
10:41family.
10:42Sharon needs it more than you do."
10:45"You tried to remove me from a
10:46reservation I paid for." I said.
10:49"Without asking.
10:51And you texted me only after the company
10:54turned you down. You used the word lift,
10:57Jenna, as if I were weather that needed
10:59rerouting."
11:00Her chin came up. "You're overreacting.
11:03You always take things so personally."
11:07"I take being voted off my own vacation
11:09personally. Yes."
11:11"We'll pay you back the cancellation
11:13fee." She said, too fast.
11:16"We just need the card working again to
11:18get through the week.
11:20The mortgage draft is Friday."
11:22There it was. Not an apology, a request.
11:26"Your mortgage draft comes out of which
11:28account?" I asked, though I knew.
11:31She glanced at Brandon. "The joint one."
11:35"For 14 months." I said. "Your mortgage
11:38has been drafting from my account for 14
11:41months, Jenna."
11:43Something heavy settled onto the porch
11:45between us.
11:46"We always meant to move it back." She
11:49said. "It was just easier."
11:52"I know. It always is."
11:55I looked at my daughter, a person I had
11:57raised and worried over and cheered for
11:5934 years.
12:01"Listen to me.
12:02I'm not doing this out of anger. I
12:04looked at my accounts this morning and
12:06realized I can't tell where your life
12:08ends and mine begins.
12:11That isn't good for either of us. You
12:13need to make your payment Friday from
12:15your own account. Sit down together,
12:18figure out what you actually earn and
12:20actually spend, and build a budget from
12:23those two numbers.
12:25What I can't be anymore is the thing
12:28that makes them balance.
12:30Brandon stepped up, jaw tight. You're
12:33cutting off your grandkids swimming over
12:36a scheduling conflict.
12:38I'm encouraging their parents to pay for
12:40their activities, I said. That's
12:43generally how it works.
12:45And the car insurance? You pulled the
12:47pilot.
12:48If she gets pulled over tomorrow,
12:51then she should call Keith at Mills
12:53today.
12:54He can write a new policy by this
12:56afternoon.
12:57He stared at me with the look of a man
12:59who'd never been told no in a way that
13:01stuck.
13:02You'll regret isolating yourself. This
13:05family is all you have.
13:08I have plenty, I said. I have my health,
13:11my pension, my savings, and a refund of
13:14$27,200
13:16coming back to me by Friday.
13:19I have good neighbors and a book club.
13:21And, Brandon, I have a suitcase that's
13:24already half packed.
13:26I turned to Jenna.
13:27The storage unit has to be cleared by
13:29the 31st. The notice is in your inbox.
13:34Her eyes were shining.
13:36Part of me wanted to reach for her, the
13:38part that would always be her mother.
13:41But I had learned, slowly and at real
13:44cost, that reaching for her every time
13:47she looked hurt was exactly what she'd
13:49been counting on for 6 years.
13:52"I love you," I said. "That hasn't
13:55changed, but I'm not your bank, and I'm
13:57not a convenience. Call me when you want
14:00a real relationship."
14:02I closed the door and stood in the
14:04hallway listening to their low, angry
14:06voices on the porch.
14:09Then the sound of the car backing out.
14:12My neighbor Paula knocked at the back
14:14door around noon. She'd seen the car and
14:16come to check on me.
14:18I poured her coffee and gave her the
14:20short version.
14:22"Good lord," she said, flattening her
14:24hand on my kitchen table.
14:27"Then it's true. Sharon told half our
14:30church choir she'd be staying in your
14:31house."
14:33I set my mug down carefully. "In my
14:35house?"
14:36"She said she'd be using your guest room
14:38as a base while she looked at condos in
14:41this neighborhood.
14:43Her divorce sale closes the week after
14:45that cruise.
14:47Jenna told her it was all arranged."
14:50And the pieces slid into place.
14:53I had wondered, the way you do, how both
14:55things could be true.
14:57Sharon on the ship in my cabin and
15:00Sharon in my guest room. They couldn't,
15:03not at the same time. But they didn't
15:05need to. The cruise was 2 weeks. Sharon
15:08needed somewhere to land afterward.
15:10Jenna had meant to hand her my cabin.
15:13And then, once Sharon came home glowing,
15:16and I'd had time to feel gracious and
15:17guilty, ask me to open the guest room.
15:20For a month, maybe.
15:22Then three.
15:23They'd done it before with smaller
15:25things, a loan, a favor, a key. They'd
15:29always counted on my saying yes, and I
15:31always had.
15:33That afternoon, I called a locksmith.
15:35New deadbolts on all three doors and a
15:38keypad on the front that it happened to
15:40have in his van.
15:41I paid $340
15:44and set my own six-digit code. Then I
15:47texted Jenna. "The locks have been
15:49changed. Sharon is not welcome to stay
15:53in my home."
15:54Three hours of silence.
15:57Then a long paragraph arrived that
15:59Brandon had clearly helped write, full
16:01of phrases like escalating unnecessarily
16:05and harming the family unit.
16:07I read it once and went back to my book.
16:10Friday morning, the refund posted.
16:13$27,200,
16:16right where it belonged.
16:18The following Tuesday, Sharon showed up.
16:22I was in the garden pulling up the last
16:24of the tomato plants when my doorbell
16:26camera chimed on my phone. A silver
16:29Buick sat at the curb with its trunk
16:31open. On my porch stood a woman in a
16:34quilted coat with two large suitcases, a
16:37garment bag, and a tote bag from the
16:40church bake sale.
16:41She rang the bell. She knocked. Then she
16:45tried to turn a key in my lock, the key
16:48Jenna had given her, and it did nothing.
16:51I walked around the side of the house,
16:53still in my gardening gloves.
16:56"Sharon," I said.
16:58She jumped. "Joan. Oh, thank goodness.
17:02Jenna said you'd be expecting me.
17:04Something's wrong with the lock."
17:06"N- Nothing's wrong with the lock. I
17:09changed it."
17:10Her face did something complicated.
17:13Sharon is 66 and I'll admit, not a
17:16villain.
17:18She's a woman who had her house sold out
17:20from under her and was told by her son
17:22and my daughter that a soft place was
17:24waiting for her.
17:25"Jenna said it was all settled," she
17:28said. "She said you'd be glad to help
17:31after everything I've been through."
17:34"I'm sorry about your divorce," I said.
17:37And I meant it. "I'm sorry nobody asked
17:40me before they told you where you'd be
17:42sleeping.
17:43I didn't agree to this, Sharon. I didn't
17:46even know about it until last Tuesday."
17:49She looked at the suitcases, at the
17:51door, at me. Her voice dropped. "They
17:54told me the cruise was a gift from the
17:57family. Jenna said it was already paid."
18:00"It was paid by me and canceled by me."
18:04She sat down slowly on my porch step in
18:06her good coat. I stood there a moment,
18:09then went and sat beside her because
18:12whatever else was true, nobody should be
18:15left sitting alone on a porch with her
18:17whole life in two suitcases.
18:20I did not let her in.
18:22I did call Paula, whose husband had
18:25passed two winters ago, and Paula said,
18:28without my even finishing the question,
18:30that she had an extra room for a week.
18:33Sharon went home with her, with her bake
18:35sale tote on her arm, quietly furious at
18:39the two people who had set her up. And I
18:41will tell you that was the first moment
18:43in 6 years I felt entirely clean.
18:47Because here is the part Jenna had never
18:50once considered. Every plan she made was
18:53built on me saying yes at the last
18:55second. When I said no, the whole
18:58structure came down in an afternoon.
19:01On October 31st, it rained.
19:04I drove past the storage facility on my
19:07way to the pharmacy and saw a rented box
19:09truck backed up to the unit. Brandon in
19:12a soaked sweatshirt hauling a mattress,
19:15Jenna wrapping a lamp in a bath towel.
19:18Nora sat in the truck cab with a
19:20coloring book. I drove past. Then I
19:23turned around in the lot of a dry
19:25cleaner, came back, and parked.
19:28I took the little fold-up umbrella I'd
19:30bought for Alaska, and I walked across
19:33the wet asphalt to my daughter.
19:36Jenna saw me first.
19:38She went still, the lamp against her
19:40chest. Brandon set the mattress down
19:43against the truck and wiped his face
19:45with his sleeve. He didn't fold his arms
19:48this time. I noticed that.
19:51"Mom," Jenna said, "we didn't think
19:53you'd come."
19:54"I didn't come to help," I said. "I came
19:57to hear it, all of it. Brandon, you
19:59first."
20:00He looked at the ground, then at me.
20:03"The firm never recovered. I've been
20:06doing contract work for 2 years, and I
20:09told Jenna it was fine.
20:11I let your account cover the mortgage
20:13because it was easier than telling her
20:15the truth.
20:17And the trip?" He stopped and tried
20:19again. "We took your money, and then we
20:22took your seat. I'm not going to dress
20:24that up.
20:25"We listed the house," Jenna said very
20:28quietly. She was crying, but not the way
20:31she used to, not for my benefit.
20:34"The Pilot's roof rack is gone. The wine
20:37club cases, the furniture."
20:39"I picked up shifts at a dental office.
20:42Mom, we sat at the kitchen table last
20:44week with a spreadsheet, and I didn't
20:46know a single number, not one. You were
20:49right. I couldn't tell where your life
20:51ended and ours began, either."
20:54Brandon pulled a damp envelope from his
20:56back pocket and held it out.
20:59"It's a check for $4,200.
21:03That's the deposit you lost.
21:05It's from what we sold, and there's a
21:07repayment schedule inside for the
21:09mortgage payments every month from your
21:11account.
21:13It's signed. It'll take us years. We'd
21:16like to do it anyway."
21:18I took the envelope. I did not open it
21:21there.
21:22"And your mother?"
21:23His jaw worked. "She isn't speaking to
21:26me. She told me she'd been used as a
21:28prop. She's right about that, too."
21:31"She is," I said. "Call her, not to
21:34explain, to apologize."
21:36He nodded.
21:37Rain ran off the box truck's roof line
21:39in a steady sheet. Jenna took a step
21:42toward me, then stopped as if she'd
21:45learned to ask first.
21:47"May I hug you?" she said.
21:49I hadn't expected that question, and it
21:52undid something in me. "Yes," I said,
21:55and she did, wet lamp towel and all, and
21:59I held my daughter in the rain for a
22:00long moment.
22:02Then I let go, handed her the umbrella,
22:05and told her to put it over Nora.
22:07I walked back to my car without looking
22:09over my shoulder. It was the hardest
22:11thing I did all year, and the cleanest.
22:15The check cleared on Monday.
22:17Over the next weeks, Jenna called on
22:20Sunday mornings, no Brandon in the
22:22background and no request in her voice.
22:25I told her I loved her and wanted her
22:28and the kids in my life and that it
22:30would look different now.
22:32She said, "Okay." And for the first
22:34time, it sounded like she meant it. We
22:37aren't all the way back, but I'm not
22:39interested in a relationship that
22:41depends on my compliance.
22:44I should never have been.
22:46I sat down with a fee-only financial
22:48planner named Andrea who spent 2 hours
22:52with me and pile of statements and told
22:55me gently that I'd given away roughly
22:57$48,000 a year
23:00without ever deciding to. We set up a
23:02small, clear annual gift to each
23:05grandchild's college account in their
23:07names and nothing else. No more
23:10emergencies. No more auto pay.
23:13Then, I took the refund and booked a
23:15different trip.
23:172 months after that October morning in
23:19my closet, I flew to Lisbon,
23:21took a train to a small town called Tui
23:24on the Spanish border,
23:26and began walking the last 100 km of the
23:29Camino de Santiago. The trail is marked
23:32with yellow arrows painted on garden
23:35walls and fence posts and the sides of
23:38old stone churches.
23:40I wore the wool socks I'd bought for
23:42Alaska. On the fifth morning, I came
23:44over the hill above Santiago de
23:47Compostela just as the cathedral bells
23:49rang the hour.
23:51And I thought about Carl who should have
23:54been right beside me and would have
23:55known exactly what to say at the top of
23:58that hill.
23:59Then, I walked down.
24:02That night, I had caldo gallego at a
24:04small place near the old square with a
24:07glass of rough local red. And I watched
24:10the pilgrims go by with the stunned
24:12faces of people who have just finished
24:14something hard.
24:16I slept so deeply that when I woke, I
24:19had to check my phone to remember what
24:21country I was in.
24:23It's a good thing to know exactly where
24:25you are at 63 at the start of whatever
24:29comes next.
24:31Now, I'd like to hear from you.
24:33Have you ever had to say no to someone
24:35you love? And did it change your
24:37relationship for the better or the
24:39worse?
24:40Tell me
24:41in the comments.
24:43I read everyone.

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Use the transcript to take notes, quote the speaker, build a study guide, generate a summary with ChatGPT or Claude via the YouTube Summary tool, or export it as a timed subtitle file with YouTube to SRT. You can also re-open it in the transcriber to choose a caption track available on the video.

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YouTube2Text is a free YouTube transcript generator — no signup, no daily limit. Paste any YouTube link and get the full transcript instantly, with timestamps, click-to-jump, caption language selection, AI prompts for ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini, and exports to TXT, SRT, VTT, or Markdown.