We Had to Close Our PO Box After This — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:02I don't think I'm supposed to be opening
2. 0:03this.
3. 0:03>> [screaming]
4. 0:04>> Didn't they acquire the rights to this
5. 0:05thing?
6. 0:06>> Are you planting these?
7. 0:07>> I did not have anything to do with that.
8. 0:09I assumed it was going to be something
9. 0:10like that.
10. 0:14COLD ONES, WELCOME BACK. CHAD. Today
11. 0:17we're opening up fan mail. Darcy gave me
12. 0:19a knife.
13. 0:26>> [music]
14. 0:28>> Oh, it's cold.
15. 0:29>> first package.
16. 0:30Why did you do that?
17. 0:31>> It's the first package, Darcy. I want to
18. 0:33see what's in it. They did surgery on a
19. 0:34grog can. That's [ __ ] awesome.
20. 0:37Oh, [ __ ] Whoops. What are you What are
21. 0:39you What Why?
22. 0:41>> man.
23. 0:41>> Bro, it's You're not I thought that's
24. 0:43how you opened it. You ready? Yeah.
25. 0:46You got [ __ ] sir?
26. 0:47>> What the fish looks like the [ __ ]
27. 0:48already got on, man.
28. 0:49>> Max and Chad, I come to you with an
29. 0:51offer for you. Read. In this box are
30. 0:53grog Yeezys. In return, my wife and I
31. 0:56request actual grog. Woah. It's not like
32. 0:59painted on. It's actually printed. I
33. 1:00like that.
34. 1:01>> Oh, they definitely ain't [ __ ] real
35. 1:03Yeezys. You just got to stretch them out
36. 1:04a bit.
37. 1:05>> They actually kind of go hard. They feel
38. 1:06comfortable.
39. 1:07>> Feels like I'm walking on cement cubes.
40. 1:09Thank you, sound guy, Zach.
41. 1:10>> Okay, next package.
42. 1:12>> I think I see Marge.
43. 1:13>> Nice. Hello, Cold Ones. I want to send
44. 1:15you a token of my gratitude for your
45. 1:17channel, and I painted this.
46. 1:20>> Can you read that? Spray painting vid.
47. 1:21Oh, it's meant to be the Marge that you
48. 1:23spray painted.
49. 1:23>> Oh, is that when this was sent? Thank
50. 1:26you, Bella.
51. 1:26>> What about when you got turned into
52. 1:28Marge? Okay, we don't talk about that.
53. 1:30>> This one's from Ryan Reynolds. No, it's
54. 1:31to Ryan Reynolds. I don't trust
55. 1:33something with layers of tape around it.
56. 1:35>> trust something that's not addressed to
57. 1:36us. Okay, is this cut? That looks moldy.
58. 1:39I'm not going
59. 1:39>> No, it's resin. It's [ __ ] Kid Goku or
60. 1:42something. OH MY GOD, I'VE SEEN THIS GUY
61. 1:44ON TIKTOK.
62. 1:45>> it every day to see if he can get Ryan
63. 1:46Reynolds to get one. Can you give this
64. 1:48to Ryan Reynolds if you meet him? How
65. 1:50the [ __ ] have you seen this guy on
66. 1:51TikTok?
67. 1:52>> It's a very You got to scroll for a bit
68. 1:54to get this stuff.
69. 1:55>> Does Ryan Reynolds like Dragon Ball? I
70. 1:57don't know, but he's
71. 1:59>> [laughter]
72. 1:59>> He's doing it every day until Ryan
73. 2:01Reynolds sees it and get and he can give
74. 2:03him one.
75. 2:04>> Should you guys do an Aviation shot gin
76. 2:06out of it?
77. 2:07>> [laughter]
78. 2:07>> Yeah. This guy struck gold. How the [ __ ]
79. 2:10would you expect that Chad had seen
80. 2:11this? Chad, is this your mate?
81. 2:13>> No, he's just some bloke. Are we going
82. 2:15to desecrate I mean, he makes one every
83. 2:16day, so Yeah, I'll see him So, I'm going
84. 2:18to do a shot of Aviation gin out of it,
85. 2:20and hopefully this makes it to Ryan
86. 2:22Reynolds. This might be covered in
87. 2:23[ __ ] toxic
88. 2:24>> [music]
89. 2:24>> [ __ ] now.
90. 2:26>> [laughter]
91. 2:29>> Ryan Reynolds, please take Kid Go Goku
92. 2:32box. Sorry, I mean, yes, Ryan Reynolds,
93. 2:34good stuff. I'm going to keep this box
94. 2:36for my trinkets. [ __ ] Ryan Reynolds.
95. 2:38Ryan For the next package
96. 2:40>> Why is this Chinese on it? Handle with
97. 2:42care, fragile, thank you. Can you people
98. 2:44stop [ __ ] tape It's welded shut. I'm
99. 2:47going to cut towards me.
100. 2:49What do you mean your package came in
101. 2:50the mail?
102. 2:51>> Why is got I can't open that. Like that
103. 2:53is stuck. Can you pre-open some of the
104. 2:54packages before you hand it to us,
105. 2:55Darcy?
106. 2:56>> That's you [ __ ] paradigms of lazy.
107. 2:58Can he pre-scan the stuff and put all
108. 3:00the stuff with money in a pile for me? I
109. 3:01[ __ ] You're up. I'm ripped as [ __ ]
110. 3:04right now. That is your size.
111. 3:06>> No, you need to get dressed there. That
112. 3:08is
113. 3:08Money? No, trinkets. Who's this guy? Is
114. 3:11this the person that sent it or this or
115. 3:13is this some Is this some school trip?
116. 3:15>> I'm sorry that I made only one cuz I
117. 3:17don't know what your sizes are.
118. 3:18Sincerely, This makes me look big, man.
119. 3:20I [ __ ] hate that. [laughter]
120. 3:22And this one's kind of [ __ ] with the
121. 3:23eye over
122. 3:26>> [laughter]
123. 3:26>> Hey, that's your size. [ __ ] man. Sam
124. 3:29got it right. Next package.
125. 3:32Chad, you I swear you nearly just slit
126. 3:34your whole wrist open then.
127. 3:35>> From the Netherlands. [ __ ] it, I don't
128. 3:37know. Hi, Chad and Max, Darcy, Scott,
129. 3:39and the rest of the Cold Ones crew. Love
130. 3:40your videos. In the box you'll find
131. 3:41funny games, tran
132. 3:43tran
133. 3:44Read that. Transnistrian
134. 3:46drink. Would you like to do the honors?
135. 3:48>> That's the Transnistrian drink.
136. 3:50>> Why did you wrap it in foil?
137. 3:52>> What the hell? Peter versed the giant
138. 3:53chicken.
139. 3:53>> Holy [ __ ]
140. 3:56Okay, this [ __ ] is [ __ ] awesome.
141. 3:58[ __ ] Peter versed the giant chicken
142. 4:00and you can reenact it on your own
143. 4:01fingertips.
144. 4:02>> Here you go, try that.
145. 4:03>> No, thank you. Come on, drink it, man.
146. 4:05I'm not drinking vodka that came in the
147. 4:06mail.
148. 4:07>> Maybe I'm meant to have one on my
149. 4:08finger, you have yours on the other. Oh,
150. 4:10thumb wars.
151. 4:11>> Man, you know Peter wins in the end,
152. 4:12right?
153. 4:13Oh, man. That [ __ ] Oh, [ __ ] IT BURNS.
154. 4:16IT BURNS.
155. 4:18>> [screaming]
156. 4:18>> WHAT OTHER THUMB games did you get? None
157. 4:21bowling.
158. 4:21>> All the hair's gone. This is tedious and
159. 4:24annoying to set up. Oh, for
160. 4:26All right, that's close enough, Darcy.
161. 4:29Oh, FOR
162. 4:30WOAH, WHAT IS THIS? Can I eat it?
163. 4:32>> Not this [ __ ] again, man. Oh, it's a
164. 4:34mini aquarium. What is that? Just Harry
165. 4:36Potter wand. Oh, hell no. It's a stress
166. 4:38ball for when I'm driving. Anyone here
167. 4:40get road rage? Yeah. You all right,
168. 4:42bloke? Yeah. Good on you.
169. 4:44You wait till I get in my car and run
170. 4:46you down on your bike.
171. 4:47>> Chad, what if you How about you say
172. 4:48Mighty Supreme? What about Mini Supreme
173. 4:50in my right? [ __ ] Mighty Supreme.
174. 4:52Might as well call it Mini Supreme, am I
175. 4:53right, guys?
176. 4:55What the [ __ ] do you mean your package
177. 4:56came in the mail?
178. 4:57>> Darcy, you really [ __ ] let me down on
179. 4:59that one, mate. without saying that. No,
180. 5:00put that all in and make crickets, and
181. 5:02then when I say that part, make everyone
182. 5:03laugh.
183. 5:04>> Next packages. Oh, clean as the table.
184. 5:08[ __ ] wizard school, brother. Thaddeus
185. 5:11Wackanomara.
186. 5:12>> That guy's got to go to Hogwarts.
187. 5:14>> [laughter]
188. 5:14>> Turn me over. Your move. Oh, no, it's a
189. 5:17link.
190. 5:17>> Chad, it's fine. You're not going to
191. 5:18accidentally click it. It's on a
192. 5:20business card. Did he just mail us a
193. 5:21grog can? That's actually quite funny if
194. 5:24there's nothing in it, but I think
195. 5:25there's something in it. What is that?
196. 5:26Creams? [music]
197. 5:27>> Skin care body lotion. Is this some
198. 5:28shitty Jeff Durbin? I don't know. It's
199. 5:31https. That's safe, right? He just sent
200. 5:33us a cup.
201. 5:35All right. Why are you so quick to do
202. 5:37that? Why? What do you mean?
203. 5:39What
204. 5:39>> [laughter]
205. 5:39>> was that? That was so fast today. What
206. 5:41do you mean our package came in the
207. 5:43mail, man? Oh, hell. What?
208. 5:48What is it?
209. 5:50Did he [ __ ] the can or what? Was it shot
210. 5:52on the internet?
211. 5:53>> [laughter]
212. 5:54>> I knew that
213. 5:55I knew that's what I
214. 5:57I assumed it was going to be something
215. 5:58like that.
216. 5:59>> It's the same It's the the Fard jar
217. 6:00thing. What the [ __ ] is your I I need to
218. 6:04wash my hands. Oh, [ __ ] sake.
219. 6:07Oh, this one's round. It's a [ __ ]
220. 6:09square box, man.
221. 6:10>> Yeah, but the thing in IT IS ROUND.
222. 6:12>> [screaming]
223. 6:14>> WHAT THE [ __ ] HOW'D YOU GET THESE GUYS
224. 6:16TO MAIL us stuff? Blizzard hates me.
225. 6:18>> Jackson Field. He went to the event.
226. 6:20>> Yeah, THANK YOU, BLIZZARD. I GOT it
227. 6:22anyway, and I got one of your [ __ ]
228. 6:24codes.
229. 6:25>> [screaming]
230. 6:26>> YEAH.
231. 6:28BRO SAID this one's round. [ __ ] oath.
232. 6:30Thank you, Jackson. Home sweet home.
233. 6:32Yes, it is. This one's round.
234. 6:34>> I thought it was round cuz of the way it
235. 6:35was shaking. I'm going to redeem that
236. 6:36code later.
237. 6:37>> What's that code do? Gives you an item
238. 6:39for your [ __ ] in-game house that I'll
239. 6:40never build cuz I'm not a [ __ ] nerd
240. 6:42loser. Can we give it to the fans then?
241. 6:44>> No, I still want it.
242. 6:45>> Bro's already given it up, man. You got
243. 6:47to scratch it off to get the code. Oh,
244. 6:48for [ __ ] sake. NO. Can I see that? No.
245. 6:51[ __ ] the fans.
246. 6:52>> Why are you trying to act so [ __ ]
247. 6:54like you don't care about it, but
248. 6:56>> want to give them any money. No, but
249. 6:57Next package. What's that What? Thank
250. 7:00you, Jackson. Shout out Jackson Field.
251. 7:02>> I never get invited. Never. I wonder
252. 7:03why. You just [ __ ] dragged [ __ ] on
253. 7:06their name, bro.
254. 7:07Chad, let me give you a tip, guys. Check
255. 7:09out the bizarre, RayNerd. [ __ ] love
256. 7:11you, bro. If you got any good free
257. 7:12items, hit me up. Discord, I've sent you
258. 7:15a message. RayNerd, kill you.
259. 7:17Woah. I think something's upside down,
260. 7:19is it? That is awesome. She had cutouts
261. 7:20from the box and put it around, too.
262. 7:22Dizzy
263. 7:23Did he Dizzy Bones Creations. Please
264. 7:25enjoy this homemade art piece that I
265. 7:27created with the boxes from some grog.
266. 7:29Much love, Jade. Thank you, Jade.
267. 7:33No. Unless you drink it, I'm not having
268. 7:35any more. I've drunk from the [ __ ]
269. 7:37grog. I've drunk in the vodka. I'm
270. 7:39drinking from the wild cup. It's your
271. 7:41turn.
272. 7:41>> Chad, is this this [ __ ] off. I ordered
273. 7:43my fake grass from this company. Did you
274. 7:45give them the PO box address for the
275. 7:46samples?
276. 7:48Uh
277. 7:49Did you, Chad? I I don't think I did.
278. 7:52Oh, hell no. Hell no, this is all
279. 7:54Chinese [ __ ]
280. 7:55>> for slaughtering children?
281. 7:58Why is that your first instinct?
282. 8:00>> Audio cables. Silas, need audio or
283. 8:02spyware? Package. Thank you, governor. A
284. 8:04book.
285. 8:06Rogaining.
286. 8:07Darcy, are you planting these?
287. 8:09>> Another rogaining. This is the same
288. 8:10book, though.
289. 8:11>> That's awesome. We got two copies. I got
290. 8:13Oh my god. It's It's Sheffy DVDs in
291. 8:17there instead. I was actually excited
292. 8:18for a second copy. I could take one
293. 8:19home.
294. 8:20>> book, man. It is a book. Did he Did he
295. 8:21make Did he make it into a Oh, HE DID IT
296. 8:24HE glued all the pages down and cut a
297. 8:26hole in them. That is sick. Okay. Let's
298. 8:29go in the book. That's going in the
299. 8:31That's going in the do not incinerate
300. 8:33after filming box, man. This is a letter
301. 8:35to break it up a bit.
302. 8:36>> Enclosed, please find a check
303. 8:37representing grog's grog's net earnings
304. 8:40>> [music]
305. 8:40>> derived from product sales across
306. 8:41participating Safeway store locations.
307. 8:44It's $165.
308. 8:46What is this? Can you please explain?
309. 8:48Safeway. Guys, grog is out in Safeway
310. 8:50now. Why is this heavy? This Oh, this
311. 8:53one's round. A book. Rogaining. [ __ ]
312. 8:56oath. So, someone cut a hole in my other
313. 8:58one.
314. 9:01Not getting much reaction. I don't know
315. 9:02if I should even bother looking at it.
316. 9:04>> [laughter]
317. 9:08>> Don't shake it. Wait. [laughter] Wait.
318. 9:10Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
319. 9:11Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
320. 9:11Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
321. 9:12Wait. Read the label. Haunted vintage
322. 9:15baby toy.
323. 9:17No. No. No. No. You open it. Hey, woah.
324. 9:19Chill, man. It's not retracted. You
325. 9:20What? Where you going? You can open that
326. 9:22one, man. Why would they put haunted in
327. 9:24the package description? They could have
328. 9:26just said toy.
329. 9:29Oh, hell no. I saw something move out of
330. 9:31that,
331. 9:32I can't even see What the [ __ ] am I
332. 9:33looking at?
333. 9:35Oh my
334. 9:37What if we befriend them and they
335. 9:38protect us?
336. 9:44If there was anything in that, it ain't
337. 9:46surviving that, man.
338. 9:47>> Did you see the little black smoke that
339. 9:49came out when you did that?
340. 9:53>> Chucky coins. Nice.
341. 9:56Does he know?
342. 9:56>> How do know? Chucky coins. Sonic. Thanks
343. 9:59so much. There's a star of David on
344. 10:01them.
345. 10:02>> a pic of the lovely couple that sent us
346. 10:04the Jew coins and Sonic.
347. 10:06And we have a wedding invitation. Why
348. 10:07have they got so many Sonic figures?
349. 10:09Chinese Sonic, please destroy. They are
350. 10:11ugly. What makes them Chinese? Brace
351. 10:13yourself.
352. 10:15Our chocolate tastes like [ __ ] Nothing.
353. 10:17Ah, [ __ ]
354. 10:19[ __ ] Jesus Christ, Aussie. Oh, you
355. 10:21leave this for the next set.
356. 10:24Oh my god. Good catch. Are we not going
357. 10:26to use that? All right, let's go. Let's
358. 10:27see who's got the [ __ ] lowest alcohol
359. 10:29rating. I feel like I'm clearly sober.
360. 10:30Yeah, cuz you haven't
361. 10:32[ __ ] Edit that out.
362. 10:33>> Here you go. Here you go. It's counting
363. 10:34down. Until what?
364. 10:380.03
365. 10:39>> It's got your germs on it. You just
366. 10:41[ __ ] finger It sucked the glass that
367. 10:43the dude put his [ __ ] in. 0.07. Can I
368. 10:45drive? Well, Max, it means you have to
369. 10:47have a drink, bro. Yeah, give me the
370. 10:48keys, baby glass. Actually, that looks
371. 10:50quite Fancy. Yeah, too late. It's
372. 10:53poured. Drink it. Hell, man. That's
373. 10:55going to God, I drank out of a
374. 10:57can. That's going to spit all over you.
375. 10:59Man, this [ __ ] bloke is a [ __ ] Ooh,
376. 11:01okay. You drink it then.
377. 11:03Man, you fell for that?
378. 11:04Who's that?
379. 11:05>> Who are these blokes, Alister?
380. 11:06>> Does anyone know that is? That's like
381. 11:07the mugshot of a serial killer. OH MY
382. 11:10GOD. OH MY GOD. What the [ __ ] Why do
383. 11:14they look like serial killers? Is that
384. 11:16hand-delivered from the authors? I don't
385. 11:17know. There's no note. It's just another
386. 11:19rogaining book. Oh my god. Yes.
387. 11:23>> Does that not have a DVD in it? No, this
388. 11:24one doesn't have a DVD in it. Are you
389. 11:26planting these? No.
390. 11:27>> [laughter]
391. 11:28>> Who is doing this? I think it might be
392. 11:30Rod Phillips and Neil Phillips. They're
393. 11:32brothers? The rogaining brothers. Think
394. 11:34you walk into the bush and have a look
395. 11:35around and then do you mark that you did
396. 11:38it
397. 11:38or something. Cool. Thanks, Aussie.
398. 11:40Thanks for sending that in. I I did not
399. 11:42>> Aussie, you're planting these, bro. I
400. 11:44refuse to believe otherwise. Thoughts
401. 11:46and prayers.
402. 11:51>> [laughter]
403. 11:53>> Are you Are you planting these? It's not
404. 11:55have anything to do with that. Look,
405. 11:57it's like been intentionally made to not
406. 11:58look like from the same guy.
407. 12:00You're [laughter] a [ __ ] Darcy.
408. 12:02I had nothing to do with this. I swear
409. 12:04to god I had nothing to do with it.
410. 12:06>> That is a perfect match. Check the
411. 12:08address. Where are they coming from?
412. 12:09>> Chad, we're not even sure this is the
413. 12:10same book yet.
414. 12:13These are very differing
415. 12:16sizes. There's no return address. We
416. 12:18don't know who they're coming from.
417. 12:21Wait.
418. 12:22Got any more, Darcy?
419. 12:24>> [laughter]
420. 12:25>> Sick.
421. 12:26Oh, this one's from Neil and Rod
422. 12:28Phillips.
423. 12:28>> That's the two guys on the rogaining
424. 12:30Neil Phillips, the president of the
425. 12:31International Rogaining Federation.
426. 12:33>> up the rogaining [ __ ] books. You're
427. 12:36planting these, Darcy. I'm not. No,
428. 12:37Chad. This one's This one's a little
429. 12:39something extra, I think.
430. 12:40>> Might be two books.
431. 12:41>> That doesn't look like rogaining. Whoa.
432. 12:43What is going on?
433. 12:45>> [laughter]
434. 12:45>> What the [ __ ] is going on? A rogaining,
435. 12:48a sport is born, the most awesome
436. 12:50rogaine. What is rogaining? What makes a
437. 12:52good rogaine? Are you making these?
438. 12:54>> I swear to god. Next package. Just next
439. 12:56package. Get me There's no possible way
440. 12:58this could be rogaining related.
441. 13:00>> stickers, ain't it?
442. 13:02It's crap. Yeah.
443. 13:03I refuse to believe you're not making
444. 13:05these. I'm not. I swear to god. How do
445. 13:08you know to bring them out in order?
446. 13:09>> I'm trying to just grab a new package.
447. 13:11Just Just give it to me. I don't care.
448. 13:14No, I'm just trying to say there's no
449. 13:16way that that can also be rogaining
450. 13:17related.
451. 13:18>> Darcy, you're a terrible actor.
452. 13:19>> to god. From Elbow.
453. 13:22Yeah, [ __ ] rogaining. Really? Yes.
454. 13:26No return address. Wonder what it could
455. 13:27be.
456. 13:29Ah, [ __ ] my favorite rogaining. Where
457. 13:32everybody gets on. That's kind of cool.
458. 13:33I swear to god I had nothing to do with
459. 13:35that.
460. 13:35>> package. It's actually a good book,
461. 13:37though. This has to be not This
462. 13:39has to be something different.
463. 13:40>> I'm serious. Okay, I think we're good.
464. 13:42It's an OfficeWorks package. Yeah,
465. 13:44what's the printout of? I don't know. I
466. 13:46just cut it in Oh, you cut it in half.
467. 13:47It's a printout of What the [ __ ] are you
468. 13:49thinking?
469. 13:50>> What were you thinking? Chad, I just
470. 13:52said it's a After I cut it. No.
471. 13:54>> [laughter]
472. 13:54>> Oh, really? Sorry, it takes me a while
473. 13:55for my brain to register. Not rogaining.
474. 13:57Thank god.
475. 13:58>> It's a cosplay woman. Yes. I prefer Rod
476. 14:01Phillips, personally. Yeah, this ain't
477. 14:03Rod Phillips. Oh my god. [laughter]
478. 14:05Next package. Can you not lose that cuz
479. 14:08I really like that?
480. 14:09>> I want more rogaining. I will kill the
481. 14:12next person that sends us rogaine.
482. 14:13Please, guys. It's my favorite thing
483. 14:15ever.
484. 14:17Why'd you pull it out so like carefully?
485. 14:19It says the guy just sawed the [ __ ]
486. 14:21photo in half. What the hell? This is
487. 14:23[ __ ] [music] awesome.
488. 14:24>> Miss Anna Leigh jewelry. Thank you very
489. 14:26much. Is that like a a glass or
490. 14:27something we've got?
491. 14:28>> Is that from the PO box? Oh, this will
492. 14:30do. What is it?
493. 14:31What the [ __ ] is this [ __ ] What is it?
494. 14:34I mean, Chad, it's the only one you can
495. 14:35see what it is.
496. 14:36>> Yeah, but like what is it? Is it a
497. 14:37kangaroo? Don't get too crazy with All
498. 14:39right, I'll just put the whole grog in
499. 14:40it.
500. 14:45What happened? You freaked out.
501. 14:46>> poured it on me. [laughter] What do you
502. 14:48mean? [ __ ] welcome to the club.
503. 14:50I put like two drops in. Don't scoff
504. 14:53like I did something bad.
505. 14:54>> Man, that got really warm in the middle
506. 14:55there. That's a bongaroo. Hey, Chad.
507. 14:57It's
508. 14:58He's put his message on a shirt.
509. 15:01>> [laughter]
510. 15:02>> [ __ ] hell, this bloke. What's the
511. 15:04message say?
512. 15:05>> Time to go send you a shirt with a
513. 15:06picture of you wearing a shirt that had
514. 15:07a picture of you wearing a shirt with a
515. 15:08random meme on it. I'm printing this
516. 15:10text also on AliExpress t-shirt because
517. 15:13it's 100 times cheaper than sending you
518. 15:15a letter from my country. I'm really not
519. 15:16a drink creator guy, but I ended up
520. 15:18making a drink that literally everyone
521. 15:21loves. 175 mil Cardino beyond the
522. 15:25San Bitter by San Pellegrino also works.
523. 15:28Oh, yeah, we got that. Yeah, we got
524. 15:29that. Ouzo Ouzo? We got that. 30 mil
525. 15:32lemon juice, two ice cubes. Is this like
526. 15:33secretly if you mix all this stuff
527. 15:35together it explodes and kills you?
528. 15:36>> Probably. This ain't even that many
529. 15:37layers deep, man. That's rookie numbers.
530. 15:39Chad, doesn't this inspire you to want
531. 15:41to lose weight so you get thinner as it
532. 15:42>> [laughter]
533. 15:42>> into the shirt as it goes? No, I don't.
534. 15:44I just
535. 15:46I just mean so
536. 15:48>> [laughter]
537. 15:49>> Pour everything into a glass and stir.
538. 15:51Do not shake it.
539. 15:53Drink it through a straw. Oh my god. Do
540. 15:56not chug it.
541. 15:57>> All righty, we got 30 mils of Ouzo.
542. 16:00We're going to do
543. 16:0260 just because there's two of them. And
544. 16:04now we need 30 mils of lemon juice.
545. 16:08And then
546. 16:09this.
547. 16:10Top it up. Then we're going to just
548. 16:12strain it out. Perfect. That's exactly
549. 16:14how we wanted it. Make sure you get the
550. 16:15YouTube thumbnail, I mean the YouTube
551. 16:17[ __ ] red bar in this one. I'm 0.04.
552. 16:21I can drive again. That [ __ ] is
553. 16:23>> [laughter]
554. 16:23>> [ __ ] junk. Cheers. Damn, cheers, man.
555. 16:26Remember he said drink it slow. But he
556. 16:29also said drink it through a straw. I
557. 16:31don't think a straw making that
558. 16:33[ __ ] hell.
559. 16:365 minutes. Why is this a licorice That's
560. 16:38Ouzo. That's Ouzo. 5 minutes to ask for
561. 16:40another drink. Can you do that?
562. 16:44Oh, you see what You see what happened.
563. 16:46You see what happened. Can I do that or
564. 16:47not? You're the guy, I guess.
565. 16:50[ __ ] [laughter]
566. 16:52What?
567. 16:55Why did that make such a [ __ ] awesome
568. 16:57sound? [laughter]
569. 17:02>> [laughter]
570. 17:03>> Get off me. Ooh, a package came in the
571. 17:05mail. Oh, dibble dibble It's little
572. 17:07scribbits. Look, dibble dibbits. Thanks
573. 17:09for the scribby dibbits. Next package.
574. 17:11>> What? Okay, Darcy. What are they? What
575. 17:13do you want to do with this? You got
576. 17:15this.
577. 17:16Oh, okay. This might be all right. Get
578. 17:18him. Get him. GET HIM. HEY. AH, GOT HIM.
579. 17:21THAT'S IT. AH. OH, [ __ ] BUYING THING
580. 17:24OFF HIS [ __ ] HEAD.
581. 17:26OW.
582. 17:28WHY GOD?
583. 17:29>> [laughter]
584. 17:31>> WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? THAT'S SUGAR
585. 17:33GLASS. NO, it [ __ ]
586. 17:35Ah. Hey, man. You It sounds like you
587. 17:37need a hit of the bongaroo, brother.
588. 17:38This guy might become the new [ __ ]
589. 17:41mascot of this channel, man. I love love
590. 17:44this guy.
591. 17:44>> Here's some [ __ ] we got from the thrift
592. 17:48store. Love you.
593. 17:49>> It's a [ __ ] we got from the store.
594. 17:50That's Now, that's a letter.
595. 17:52>> Can you try to put this on?
596. 17:53>> [laughter]
597. 17:53>> It ain't making it around my [ __ ]
598. 17:55like Please Please put that on.
599. 17:57>> No.
600. 17:58I'm getting ready for bed. It's
601. 18:00Christmas in the morning.
602. 18:02Oh, that's [ __ ] sick. You can't
603. 18:05always It's so tight. It looks like you
604. 18:07can't It looks like you've tattooed your
605. 18:09arms almost. I'm ready for Christmas.
606. 18:11Next package. Package came in the mail.
607. 18:14For you, little guy. Thanks, mate.
608. 18:16Is this a vinyl? Hey, Coldones crew.
609. 18:18Been a huge fan of Max.
610. 18:21Nice.
611. 18:22>> [laughter]
612. 18:22>> Since his prank calls and chat
613. 18:25I love Coldones and have been wanting to
614. 18:27send you this for a while. This is a
615. 18:297-in vinyl of my solo project, K9
616. 18:33Hemorrhoids.
617. 18:33>> That's what it says. [laughter]
618. 18:35Can we call this bloke? He's got a
619. 18:36number here.
620. 18:37>> Let me read one of them and then take a
621. 18:39guess what the one of the other ones
622. 18:40might be called. Garfield gets
623. 18:41hepatitis. Garfield gets AIDS.
624. 18:43>> Number five is Garfield gets AIDS.
625. 18:46So like when in the timeline does
626. 18:48Garfield get AIDS?
627. 18:51I don't know. I'm trying to wonder which
628. 18:53if we have to only listen to one of
629. 18:54these tracks, which which out of the one
630. 18:56of the eight 80 tracks is it? It's all
631. 18:59of them. I ain't got time for that, man.
632. 19:00Which one's the best? What's your
633. 19:02favorite track?
634. 19:03>> Each track is like 10 seconds long. Oh.
635. 19:08Is track one?
636. 19:08>> [snorts]
637. 19:15[music]
638. 19:16>> Huh? Can we Shazam it?
639. 19:18Can we Shazam it?
640. 19:19>> What the [ __ ] were you cooking in that
641. 19:21kitchen, man?
642. 19:28What the damn [ __ ] happened to my You
643. 19:29did that when you hit this glass with
644. 19:31it. Bro, he's trying to rewrite history.
645. 19:32No, no, no.
646. 19:33Darcy, I saw you [ __ ] it up. I really
647. 19:36break it. No, it broke. No, bro. Come
648. 19:37on. It's the next package, man. [ __ ]
649. 19:39open it up, man. Glue Glue Glue Glue
650. 19:41Glue now. All right, next package.
651. 19:42>> What do you mean your package came in
652. 19:44the mail? I don't know. A package came,
653. 19:46man. Man, come on, man. Next package.
654. 19:49Oh, [ __ ] Albertsons. Please find
655. 19:51enclosed check representing Grog's
656. 19:53profit from product sales in Albertsons
657. 19:55stores for the period beginning from
658. 19:5611th of February. How much did she get,
659. 19:58man? I don't know. $13? [laughter]
660. 20:00Man, [ __ ] 13 bucks? Go buy some
661. 20:02[ __ ] grog from Albertsons so we get
662. 20:03that money up, man. KSI was right. We
663. 20:05need to get our bread up.
664. 20:06>> Sorry to hit you with the check. I don't
665. 20:08mind. This is actually from uh one of
666. 20:10our Patreon editors. At Ones Patreon for
667. 20:12$5 a month, we play games and other
668. 20:14stuff. Is that Rogaining again?
669. 20:17>> [laughter]
670. 20:18>> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
671. 20:20>> Wait, wait. Okay, you can have a look at
672. 20:21that one. Great, a power lanyard. That
673. 20:23looks like it's been quite used. Oh,
674. 20:25salada. You love those, don't you? Can
675. 20:27we get some cheese and Vegemite?
676. 20:30It's completely fine. You got Chad Merry
677. 20:32Christmas.
678. 20:34They're really milking this bit. Wait,
679. 20:36that's a 30th anniversary? That [ __ ]
680. 20:38been on that long, man? Mark Samford
681. 20:40Honor. Oh my god. [ __ ] that, man. I got
682. 20:43Vegemite on the pub book. X Rage. Purple
683. 20:46Vegemite in an enclosed zip.
684. 20:47>> All right, Darc, next package.
685. 20:49>> Can you catch? Yeah.
686. 20:52>> [music]
687. 20:52>> Next package.
688. 20:54Great. Nice. When does this bit end? Are
689. 20:57you behind this? This is a lot of team
690. 20:59effort. Like, is there a Discord server
691. 21:01dedicated to Rogaining? Like, got to be.
692. 21:03Like, what's Like, what's going on? Are
693. 21:05there Is there anything different?
694. 21:06Sometimes they come with something in
695. 21:08them. These are just Rogaining. All
696. 21:09right, next package. Did that come in
697. 21:11the mail? This came in the mail, I
698. 21:13think. What the [ __ ] do you mean that
699. 21:15came in the mail, man? I think it
700. 21:16literally came in the mail. Oh, hell no.
701. 21:19I don't want to know what's on that.
702. 21:20What is that, a hard drive? Floppy disk.
703. 21:22Says "The spirit of good luck." It's a
704. 21:23broken jar. There are two main gifts in
705. 21:25this package that came in the mail. One
706. 21:27is a spirit of good luck. You can only
707. 21:30use it once, mate. You must keep it
708. 21:31sealed.
709. 21:33It's a copy of Windows 95.
710. 21:35>> [ __ ] I hate [ __ ] coming in a [music]
711. 21:36snap lock bag, like
712. 21:37>> What do you mean came in the snap lock
713. 21:39bag?
714. 21:39>> It's It's for sandwiches. Uh I'm putting
715. 21:41this floppy disk in.
716. 21:42>> What do you mean you put your floppy in
717. 21:43the mail? Wouldn't click that, mate.
718. 21:45Just clicked it.
719. 21:47>> [laughter]
720. 21:50>> What was it?
721. 21:53What was it? Hey, don't tell him. No.
722. 21:55No, don't worry. I That makes me feel
723. 21:57like it has malware on it more now so
724. 22:00than before.
725. 22:01All right, shoutout to the bloke that
726. 22:02sent us a Hot Wheels of a [ __ ]
727. 22:04backhoe.
728. 22:04>> When did that happen? Uh also, someone
729. 22:06sent us a little [ __ ] female egg
730. 22:08fellow named Megs. When the [ __ ] did
731. 22:10that [laughter] happen? Pulled it out of
732. 22:12a package, forgot about it. Chipotle
733. 22:13vodka and finger lime, 6%. What do you
734. 22:16mean the mix of male
735. 22:18finger came in the mail?
736. 22:20>> Nice. What's it taste like? [ __ ]
737. 22:22salt. Don't mind if I [ __ ] do. What
738. 22:25do you mean that you rimmed the postman,
739. 22:26Darc? Grapefruit soda with 6% alcohol.
740. 22:28Get me bongaroo.
741. 22:30It's actually sealeru now. You going to
742. 22:31do one two after? No, I already drank
743. 22:33one. But this is two. You're giving me
744. 22:34two. No, the other one was only had a
745. 22:36crumb in it.
746. 22:36>> Yeah, cuz I drank it.
747. 22:38Yeah, when when Oh, that's just honey.
748. 22:40That's just honey.
749. 22:41I don't want to be too sweet. Stop.
750. 22:42>> That's just like honey. Smoky chipotle,
751. 22:44Richard Garway, and sticky finger.
752. 22:47Pretty good.
753. 22:48>> Drizzle this [ __ ] over the fried chicken
754. 22:49light up your crumpets.
755. 22:51>> No, stop stop stop wait wait wait wait
756. 22:52wait. Hold it hold it hold it. I'll put
757. 22:53some of that honey in for you, man. Here
758. 22:54you go. Go for it, bro.
759. 22:56Perfect.
760. 22:57>> Drink some of it. DON'T WASTE IT.
761. 23:00AH, OH NO, MY [ __ ] SHOES.
762. 23:03>> [ __ ] you, Darc. That's your fault.
763. 23:04>> Check out my Yeezys, man. Thanks, Darc.
764. 23:06This is round.
765. 23:07>> Is it?
766. 23:07>> I'm telling you that's round. If that's
767. 23:09not round What will happen?
768. 23:11>> I'll kill Darc. Okay. That's a You know
769. 23:13what? That's a bet I'm willing to make.
770. 23:15The [ __ ] Square package?
771. 23:17>> [gasps]
772. 23:17>> Is this a PR package? I don't [ __ ]
773. 23:19know. I I You're opening it for the
774. 23:21first time. RIFTBOUND. WHAT? JUST HIT
775. 23:24DIAMOND, BY THE WAY.
776. 23:26GET A JOB, MAN. NICE. NO, I got to open
777. 23:28up a couple packs.
778. 23:29>> Chad, did you even know that they made
779. 23:31this?
780. 23:31>> Yeah, I do. I've bought every signed
781. 23:33card so far for my collection. I have.
782. 23:35Well, I I'm trying to play one recruit
783. 23:37token to play my Herald of the Arcane.
784. 23:39>> Open the pack. Open the pack. Open the
785. 23:40pack. I think this is like a [ __ ]
786. 23:41$200 card. 30 USD last sold.
787. 23:44>> Oh, that's come down a bit. Oh, that's
788. 23:45like 180 AUD. Shoutout Chinese Riot for
789. 23:48making those cards. Put it IN MY CAR.
790. 23:50NO. YOU KNOW HOW HARD it is to get a It
791. 23:51is cardboard after all. No, I will Darc,
792. 23:54this [ __ ] look like an Epstein files
793. 23:56back here. Toby's adventures.
794. 23:57>> Basketball 2 came out.
795. 23:59>> This bloke has just made a photo album
796. 24:02of his [ __ ] stuffed hamster. Oh, no,
797. 24:05they gave us the hamster. Oh, [ __ ]
798. 24:07That's why the photo album half empty.
799. 24:09They want us to continue the saga. I
800. 24:11don't need this, man. I'm just going to
801. 24:12cement my grog up. [music] No, it's
802. 24:13good, man. Is that meant for
803. 24:15consumption?
804. 24:17Darc, come here, man. I want to show you
805. 24:19something.
806. 24:19>> to Chad. He's the [ __ ] other guy.
807. 24:22>> [laughter]
808. 24:23>> AH, BURNS. I FEEL [ __ ] mighty ill.
809. 24:26Yeah, so do I. We have to continue the
810. 24:28adventures of Toby.
811. 24:29>> All right, crew. Um you're looking after
812. 24:31Toby now for That's what your job for
813. 24:32the next 2 weeks.
814. 24:33>> Oh, great. You just use it to clean the
815. 24:35[ __ ] off your face.
816. 24:36>> [laughter]
817. 24:37>> I honestly, PSA, if you send us [ __ ] to
818. 24:39get sent back It ain't coming back. Just
819. 24:41in case [music] you were running out
820. 24:43from Brent.
821. 24:45Oh my god, man. This [ __ ] got my name on
822. 24:47it.
823. 24:48>> [laughter]
824. 24:48>> You guys can have it.
825. 24:49>> [ __ ] [ __ ] down there, mate. Come on,
826. 24:50take a seat.
827. 24:52Darc, come on. No, you can have it. It's
828. 24:54yours. No, Darc. Squid Game beer? Holy
829. 24:56[ __ ] That's for the new shelf. This
830. 24:58could be a whole Cold Ones video. Beers
831. 25:00the guy sent us. We're going to do that.
832. 25:02>> That's what this video is. Okay. I don't
833. 25:04think I don't think I'm supposed to be
834. 25:05opening this. Come on, Darc. Dig in,
835. 25:07mate. [ __ ] pickle air freshener? Bro,
836. 25:09so the pickle air freshener was like,
837. 25:11"This is out of MY [ __ ]
838. 25:13YO YO YO YO YO YO YO. HANG ON. Wait a
839. 25:16minute. Literally 100 bucks. WHO GAVE
840. 25:18DARC this package?
841. 25:20Yo, Jimmy, thanks for the package, man.
842. 25:22You're a [ __ ] legend, man. It's the
843. 25:24guy who's got pics of his man cave with
844. 25:26the Cold Ones sign on it.
845. 25:27>> Was that the guy we dropped a package
846. 25:28off to like 6 years ago?
847. 25:30>> Yeah, and gave him the sign. Uh
848. 25:32thanks, boys. Thanks, boys.
849. 25:33Okay, I don't think I was supposed to
850. 25:35open the whole thing, but that was
851. 25:36definitely for me. Oh, [ __ ] Dear Max
852. 25:38and Chad. Tell him I'm [ __ ] Darc.
853. 25:40Jimmy.
854. 25:41Hey, mate. What's going on? The $100.
855. 25:44Yeah. Can I have it? Well, are you going
856. 25:46to take everyone out for a beer? I
857. 25:47always do that. But Darc has coined it.
858. 25:49Would you rather me have it or Darc have
859. 25:51it? I mean, who's going to get better
860. 25:52utility out of it? I'm going to gamble
861. 25:54it. All right, that sounds good. Yes. I
862. 25:56can't accept this. Should we mail it
863. 25:58back to him? Yeah. Like, yeah. Like, for
864. 26:00real?
865. 26:01I'll mail it back to him with some
866. 26:02grogs. Yeah. Yeah? All right, good good
867. 26:04on you, Darc. But he sent us updated
868. 26:06pics of his bar. He wants to call.
869. 26:08[music] And I did one of the beers out
870. 26:10of the How about you call him and you
871. 26:11say Chad is [ __ ] Like, thanks for
872. 26:12the package. And just have the same
873. 26:13conversation again. Hey, what's up? This
874. 26:15is Max. I'm just calling. Chad's taking
875. 26:17a [ __ ]
876. 26:18>> Hey, man. What's going on? I was just
877. 26:19wondering who is the money for. Is that
878. 26:20for me or Darc? Well,
879. 26:23this is what Chad was asking the same
880. 26:24thing.
881. 26:24>> I'm taking it to the casino. Sorry you
882. 26:26couldn't speak to Chad. He's [ __ ]
883. 26:27I'm trying this one. You got to skull it
884. 26:29out of the kangaroo can, mate.
885. 26:31It's called the bongaroo, you [ __ ]
886. 26:33uncultured swine.
887. 26:34>> When did they acquire the rights to this
888. 26:36thing? [music] That [ __ ] looks like
889. 26:37lemonade. Max. Max. Max. Max. Max. Oh my
890. 26:41god.
891. 26:43Darc, I'm up, man. Darc,
892. 26:46I need to lay down. He also gave us this
893. 26:48Netflix beer.
894. 26:49I don't give a [ __ ] about Squid Game.
895. 26:52Next package. Hot bong on
896. 26:55a blue pool
897. 26:56>> [music]
898. 26:56>> Ask me about my sardine. Hey, Max. We
899. 26:59got more alcohol to drink. What do you
900. 27:00mean this guy's [ __ ] came in the mail?
901. 27:02>> I'm a vet nursing student. I see cats
902. 27:04sometimes. You guys look [ __ ] I
903. 27:06diagnose you with cat aids. Have Have
904. 27:09>> These vials of [ __ ] I haven't closed
905. 27:10some feline aids vaccines to help get
906. 27:13the vac Do you want us to shot them or
907. 27:15what? So they can cure cat aids, but not
908. 27:17people aids? I hit this. Hit it, Chad.
909. 27:19Hit it. What's the worst thing that
910. 27:20could happen? No, he's not going to get
911. 27:21it. It's cured. Darc.
912. 27:23>> you mean that package came in the mail?
913. 27:26>> isn't Rogaining, and why is there only
914. 27:27one book? Surely there's more than one
915. 27:29book about [ __ ]
916. 27:30Rogaining.
917. 27:32Wait, wait. Let's add it to the pile,
918. 27:34man.
919. 27:35What? You sick of sick of us losing the
920. 27:37[ __ ] Stanley knife. Yeah. Where is
921. 27:39this tied to? Nothing. Cut this rope. I
922. 27:42was I was I was literally thinking
923. 27:45the exact same thing. For [ __ ]
924. 27:46[laughter] sake, man. That's funny. He
925. 27:48thinks he's outsmarted us.
926. 27:50But [music] I can break these chains. I
927. 27:52can break these chains.
928. 27:55Oh, [ __ ]
929. 27:56Darc, you're screwing in nothing, man.
930. 27:58Bro's already gone free.
931. 28:00>> [laughter]
932. 28:02>> You going to need thicker locks. I will
933. 28:04[ __ ] I will be back, man.
934. 28:06The [ __ ] are these, man? Zyns?
935. 28:07>> What is this crap? Are these breath
936. 28:10mints? Is it mouth tape? Uh I have no
937. 28:12idea. Where the [ __ ] are the
938. 28:13instructions? You put this on your nose
939. 28:15and it's a magnet sort of open up your
940. 28:17airway. Where'd the Stanley knife go?
941. 28:19Well, if you didn't [ __ ] break the
942. 28:21chain
943. 28:22Innocent.
944. 28:24Okay, I was
945. 28:25You ready?
946. 28:27Yeah.
947. 28:29>> [laughter]
948. 28:30>> Next package. Where's the knife?
949. 28:35We've got
950. 28:36>> What the damn [ __ ] is that [ __ ] man?
951. 28:38You got a face mask. I made little
952. 28:40creatures out of wool. What is it?
953. 28:42>> That shit's coming to Skylanders.
954. 28:44>> Is that a llama from [ __ ] Fortnite?
955. 28:46>> I'm a banana. I'm a banana.
956. 28:49Love this young man. Try to get him on
957. 28:51the pod, man. They've literally just
958. 28:52emptied out their [ __ ] schizophrenia
959. 28:54drawer. Like, what is it all? It's just
960. 28:56Chad read it through this like a secret
961. 28:58CIA message recruitment [ __ ] tape.
962. 29:01>> Here comes the choo choo train.
963. 29:04Oh, what the [ __ ] did you put like a
964. 29:05marble in that or something? I didn't
965. 29:07put it in there. That [ __ ] went down my
966. 29:08[ __ ] throat. I love this little
967. 29:10creature. I actually [ __ ] love him.
968. 29:12You say, "I'm a banana.
969. 29:14>> [laughter]
970. 29:14>> I'M A BANANA."
971. 29:19THIS IS [ __ ] cursed, man.
972. 29:22Bring this guy back, man. Hey, shoutout
973. 29:25to this guy. Can he be the new thing?
974. 29:28>> Use code Cold Ones 10% off for the
975. 29:29bongaroo. What? Yes. Yes. All right,
976. 29:33next PO box. Thanks for a laugh. If
977. 29:35[music] this ends up in the video, could
978. 29:36you say hello to Jayden? Hi, [ __ ] Hi,
979. 29:39Jayden.
980. 29:40>> PS, please like the drawing I made from
981. 29:42you. Please like it on what?
982. 29:44>> I should not have drank that. You know,
983. 29:46I gave it two up, dude. Does this go
984. 29:48Does this go I don't know. Come, sit
985. 29:50down for the next package, you [ __ ]
986. 29:53bastard. That's it.
987. 29:53>> All right, this one just had hands. NEXT
988. 29:56PACKAGE. NO!
989. 29:59>> [laughter]
990. 29:59>> NO, NO. I'LL [ __ ] DO IT, MAN. NO, NO,
991. 30:01NO.
992. 30:01I'LL [ __ ] DO IT. NO, DON'T DO IT.
993. 30:03DON'T do it. I love this guy.
994. 30:05>> You were about to cut his head off.
995. 30:06>> You were about You were about to make
996. 30:07someone a millionaire, YOU REALIZE THAT.
997. 30:09>> [screaming]
998. 30:10>> HEY, CUT ALL OF THAT IF I don't acquire
999. 30:12the rights. Yo, this guy's with Darcy.
1000. 30:14Silver just doubled. Sent us silver
1001. 30:16coins.
1002. 30:17>> Yeah,
1003. 30:1810,000 credits. The Bank of China.
1004. 30:2110,000 credits. He wants it sent back.
1005. 30:23>> Tell him to go [ __ ] himself. I feel like
1006. 30:25this Pikachu might be worth more than
1007. 30:27the silver. The guy sent a return slip.
1008. 30:29You can't just steal his silver.
1009. 30:31>> I don't see it, so my silver now.
1010. 30:33>> is the tip, right? Darcy? Bongaroo's out
1011. 30:35now. Check out the link.
1012. 30:38Don't touch the [ __ ] bongaroo, Darcy.
1013. 30:40Link in bio.
1014. 30:41>> [laughter]
1015. 30:42>> Why is he written on a [ __ ]
1016. 30:44McDonald's bag?
1017. 30:45>> Can you read that? That's [ __ ]
1018. 30:46awesome. That's art. Look at that.
1019. 30:48Salutations. Max and Chad.
1020. 30:51I don't know
1021. 30:52I don't
1022. 30:53It's me.
1023. 30:55I ain't a fan of that, but I'mma keep
1024. 30:57it.
1025. 31:02Well, Max, I don't mean to alarm you,
1026. 31:03but there's a voodoo doll of you in
1027. 31:04here.
1028. 31:05>> I mean, I'm not super mad that this was
1029. 31:07broken.
1030. 31:07>> Next package, Darcy. What the [ __ ] is
1031. 31:09that, Chad? You're a baby. Taxi driver.
1032. 31:13Get the [ __ ] bongaroo. Where did you
1033. 31:15get the bongaroo? This [ __ ] is so
1034. 31:16versatile and good. A little bit of a
1035. 31:18little bit of this and then a little bit
1036. 31:19of that, you're good. Suck it up, mate.
1037. 31:22You're going to have a whole grog by the
1038. 31:23end of it. I'm covered in [ __ ] wet.
1039. 31:26Have the rest. I had a bit more of the
1040. 31:28vodka. I'm not a [ __ ] [ __ ] Ah, I
1041. 31:30can't wait for [ __ ] makeup at 10:30
1042. 31:32in the morning, mate.
1043. 31:34Goofy!
1044. 31:35Chad, that shit's potent.
1045. 31:37>> Oh, no, something's wrong with this. Oh,
1046. 31:39oh, it's 80%.
1047. 31:42I [ __ ] knew it, you [ __ ] bastard.
1048. 31:45It's 80% ALCOHOL.
1049. 31:50I [ __ ] KNEW IT. BRO WAS LIKE, "OH,
1050. 31:52let me put like a [ __ ] a half a shot
1051. 31:53in it, whatever." I'll see on the other
1052. 31:55side, fellas.
1053. 31:56>> What's that? Another letter on a shirt?
1054. 31:58Yeah, actually might be. Hey, it's funny
1055. 32:00text on t-shirt guy again. I'm [ __ ]
1056. 32:02idiot. I accidentally sent your PO box
1057. 32:05as my default address in AliExpress. Is
1058. 32:07that what all that [ __ ] we've been
1059. 32:09getting is? And the only way he could
1060. 32:10tell us was through a [ __ ] shirt.
1061. 32:13>> I'm glad we opened them all in order.
1062. 32:14How the [ __ ] did we nail the order?
1063. 32:16Yeah, I don't know. You tell me, Darcy.
1064. 32:18I Max and I just had a shot of 80%
1065. 32:20vodka.
1066. 32:21>> Don't [ __ ] do it. Do not do it.
1067. 32:23>> Smells like sardines in here. The knife
1068. 32:25is open. I just want to confirm that.
1069. 32:27Just It doesn't matter. We need another
1070. 32:29sound Darcy, you should have tied it
1071. 32:30down or something.
1072. 32:31>> Why the [ __ ] didn't you think about
1073. 32:32chaining it to the table or some [ __ ]
1074. 32:34>> I'm [ __ ] done, man. I'm going to go
1075. 32:35get a job at Bongaroo, man. Darcy, go
1076. 32:37get a [ __ ] job at Bongaroo. Are you
1077. 32:39going to dig through the sardine bin,
1078. 32:40really?
1079. 32:40>> Oh, Darcy, if you honestly I I'll come
1080. 32:43over with you. Corey, can you throw this
1081. 32:44out? Smells like sardines and it's
1082. 32:46pissing me off and getting you bags.
1083. 32:47>> Chad, you ready for this package? What
1084. 32:48What Thanks, thanks, Corey.
1085. 32:51>> What? I'm going to hit the [ __ ]
1086. 32:52greedy now. Do you want to sit over
1087. 32:53there and I'll throw you a package?
1088. 32:56Chad! Chad! Chad!
1089. 32:58That's not anything.
1090. 32:59>> a camera. Bro, he said there's a towel
1091. 33:01there.
1092. 33:01>> Sit down. Sit down, man. Sit down, man.
1093. 33:04Both of you. No, I No.
1094. 33:05I'm not I DON'T GIVE A [ __ ] Both of you
1095. 33:07all sit down, open the package.
1096. 33:09>> Let me be Darcy for 1 second.
1097. 33:11>> Don't break the camera. Yeah, you broke
1098. 33:13it. Great. Now we're going to have to
1099. 33:14[ __ ] take the Bongaroo [ __ ]
1100. 33:17referral code for [ __ ] 10% off to pay
1101. 33:19for the camera you broke.
1102. 33:20>> break it. I didn't even hit anyone with
1103. 33:22it.
1104. 33:22>> I love Bongaroo.
1105. 33:24God. [laughter] Darcy, could you help me
1106. 33:25open this, please? Hi Max Chad.
1107. 33:28Hi Max and Darcy.
1108. 33:30I mean, sorry. Hi Darcy and Chad.
1109. 33:33I know it takes years for you guys to
1110. 33:35open fan mail, and I hope when this
1111. 33:36reaches you, you're still making awesome
1112. 33:38videos and selling lots of grog.
1113. 33:40>> We love it.
1114. 33:40>> And that Chad is still alive. What the
1115. 33:42[ __ ] [laughter] does that mean? I hope
1116. 33:44you enjoy this fan art I made inspired
1117. 33:46by my favorite Colins video, the New
1118. 33:48Zealand Airbnb vid. And by
1119. 33:50by Darcy's big [ __ ] hairy feet, I
1120. 33:53recorded a time lapse of me drawing it,
1121. 33:56which you can check on my YouTube
1122. 33:57channel, Adam Winter.
1123. 34:00What is that? A summoning lion? No,
1124. 34:02that's fan art, bro. Come on, man.
1125. 34:04>> Fan art of what? A wizard? Hang this one
1126. 34:06up over here. All right, Darcy, next
1127. 34:07package.
1128. 34:08>> Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Oh, wow.
1129. 34:12Can I Oh, COME ON.
1130. 34:15SORRY, this job's a lot harder than I
1131. 34:16thought. What have we [ __ ] got here?
1132. 34:18>> Is this Rogaine [ __ ] extended cut?
1133. 34:20That's the cement, bro. [ __ ] put
1134. 34:23Rogaine IN RESIN.
1135. 34:25>> [laughter]
1136. 34:28>> OH, SO NOW HE WANTS TO [ __ ] BE IN THE
1137. 34:29VIDEO.
1138. 34:30>> That's beautiful, man.
1139. 34:31>> Darcy, are you doing this for No, I
1140. 34:33[ __ ] swear to god. Oh my god. No, I
1141. 34:35don't even know I don't know what
1142. 34:37order I'm going to pull them out.
1143. 34:38Anyway, I think we can move on to the
1144. 34:39next one now. All right, Max, you put
1145. 34:40this on set behind us. Next package.
1146. 34:42>> Can you move over to your side? I I'm on
1147. 34:45my side. I'm just a fat as [ __ ]
1148. 34:49Sorry. Here you go, man.
1149. 34:52What up? Wait, stop, stop, stop. Come
1150. 34:53here. What, man?
1151. 34:54>> [snorts]
1152. 34:55>> Did you kill Darcy?
1153. 34:56>> No, I would like to switch positions.
1154. 34:59>> [laughter]
1155. 34:59>> Great, another grog can. Can someone
1156. 35:01I'm [ __ ] coming in it. It's a camera
1157. 35:03out of a grog can. Holy [ __ ] Tomb
1158. 35:05Raider on the [ __ ] PlayStation. Holy
1159. 35:07[ __ ] man. That's a classic, Darcy.
1160. 35:09>> Shut up, [ __ ] Darcy. Chad Darcy, I
1161. 35:12mean.
1162. 35:13>> Look at this guy.
1163. 35:15>> [laughter]
1164. 35:17>> It's like a
1165. 35:18funny little character with glasses on
1166. 35:20and he's waving.
1167. 35:21>> [laughter]
1168. 35:21>> That looks like a remarkable. Don't bend
1169. 35:23it.
1170. 35:24>> bending it. This [ __ ] looks fancy. It's
1171. 35:26stuck, Chad. It's stuck. Can we recreate
1172. 35:29this image?
1173. 35:30You got the size? Where's your chainsaw?
1174. 35:34That's it. You wait till I get my own
1175. 35:35phones off this table.
1176. 35:37>> [laughter]
1177. 35:45>> That's it.
1178. 35:48Okay, I think it's time for no scissors.
1179. 35:50What does that look like? [ __ ]
1180. 35:52Rogaine-ing, PROBABLY. OH, IT'S NOT
1181. 35:54ROGAINE-ING. OH, WAIT, never mind. It's
1182. 35:57It's [ __ ] Rogaine-ing.
1183. 35:59I haven't had nearly enough to drink.
1184. 36:00>> How much have you had to drink, man?
1185. 36:02Like two beers [music] with dinner,
1186. 36:03officer. Over the summer, my friends and
1187. 36:05I got our hands on grog. Actually, we
1188. 36:08got [ __ ] drunk. We did a grog product
1189. 36:11[music] photo shoot.
1190. 36:12>> So, these blokes just got really [ __ ]
1191. 36:14up and took photos of grog.
1192. 36:16Thank you very much for getting the last
1193. 36:19of just taking photos of a can.
1194. 36:21>> Chad, he's more It's more than that,
1195. 36:22man. What is it?
1196. 36:24It's art. This is actually the final
1197. 36:27Max.
1198. 36:27>> No, then you get a [ __ ] load of letters.
1199. 36:29>> That's the easy part, bro. No, it's not,
1200. 36:31Chad. That's the hard part. You can't
1201. 36:32read.
1202. 36:33>> Last package, Darcy. You guys remember
1203. 36:35when we did the YouTube uh product tier
1204. 36:37list? No. Vsauce. [music]
1205. 36:39The curiosity box finally arrived.
1206. 36:41>> Vsauce box is [ __ ] here, man.
1207. 36:43>> You say that while we're drunk. Anyone
1208. 36:46else Anyone want a Vsauce shirt?
1209. 36:48>> Yes. Yeah.
1210. 36:51[ __ ] science.
1211. 36:52>> [laughter]
1212. 36:52>> Five instructions for this. I mean,
1213. 36:54let's be real, man, like is that not it?
1214. 36:57>> Place the spin blow on top of the
1215. 36:59package on the little depression in the
1216. 37:01center. A puzzle. Speed it up by blowing
1217. 37:05on it. This is the light spin.
1218. 37:12That's actually science.
1219. 37:13>> of cool. If you put a fan on it, those
1220. 37:15will just blow forever.
1221. 37:16>> We're going to sit here with a cool time
1222. 37:17lapse as Chad does a whole puzzle. Speed
1223. 37:19run, Chad, come on. I'm way too drunk to
1224. 37:22solve this puzzle.
1225. 37:23>> Hey, do the puzzle, man. We just
1226. 37:24promised a time lapse.
1227. 37:25>> too [ __ ] up, like Okay, guys, thank
1228. 37:28you so much for watching. Thank you for
1229. 37:29everyone that sent some
1230. 37:30>> [ __ ] puzzle, Chad. I can't, man.
1231. 37:33>> Here's one he prepared earlier.
1232. 37:35Thanks everyone for sending packages.
1233. 37:37>> Chad, there's heaps more [ __ ] in here,
1234. 37:39man. What is that?
1235. 37:41>> That's the main piece. What do we do?
1236. 37:43Stop. What do we do? Is this crushed in?
1237. 37:45No, it's it's a Okay, wait. I know what
1238. 37:47it is. I know what it is. It'll take 288
1239. 37:50million years plugged in for the last
1240. 37:52gear to spin. But, have you not seen
1241. 37:54that? It's got so many layers of gear
1242. 37:56that it will take a very long time.
1243. 38:01That's not a very chill mechanism to
1244. 38:03leave on for 280 years, brother.
1245. 38:05>> Ah, I [ __ ] it. I broke it.
1246. 38:07Oh my god.
1247. 38:08There's no way that thing's lasting 280
1248. 38:11years.
1249. 38:12>> What have you done, Chad? I don't know.
1250. 38:13Let's see. We need to call Michael.
1251. 38:15>> All right, Michael, I barely manhandled
1252. 38:17this, by the way.
1253. 38:19They're all moving. That sounds too
1254. 38:21noisy to have going for 2.8 million
1255. 38:23years, man.
1256. 38:24>> I'm not leaving that running, man. I'm a
1257. 38:26One turn every 289
1258. 38:29days. Sorry, not not million years.
1259. 38:31Thanks for watching.
1260. 38:32>> No, I was right.
1261. 38:33One turn Goodbye. At one turn everyone
1262. 38:37Guys, we're going to They're going to
1263. 38:38open the letters to another day when
1264. 38:40they're Look, look, the last one, 1.7
1265. 38:44billion years. Chad, look. You got
1266. 38:47>> [laughter]
1267. 38:49>> Let it cook. 280 years, huh? Vsauce is a
1268. 38:52[ __ ] fraud. Can someone solve this
1269. 38:55[ __ ] puzzle?
1270. 38:57>> [laughter]