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Watch This If You Can’t Stop Doing Bad Habits — Transcript

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0:00Jeffrey and Jessica are motivated to
0:01change their lives. Jeffree gets horny
0:03and relapses on day one, but Jessica
0:06gets horny and relapses on day one, too.
0:08They want to become healthy, productive,
0:10and successful, but they just can't stop
0:12the cravings for bad habits. They really
0:14have the best of intentions to wake up
0:17and be disciplined, but by the evening
0:19time, they get such strong cravings for
0:21bad habits, they break down and relapse
0:23over and over again. [music] They aren't
0:25bad people. They just don't realize
0:28what's actually happening here. Adonis.
0:31Adonis and his wife Anastasia adopt
0:33young Jeffrey and Jessica to show them
0:36how it's done. Jeffrey asks Adonis what
0:38apps he uses to block social media on
0:40his phone. Adonis doesn't know what
0:41social media is. Jeffree opens Greg
0:43Duchett's YouTube channel, but it gives
0:45Adonis a headache. Adonis shows them the
0:47real reason why they just can't stop
0:50doing the bad habits. [music] And it
0:51turns out that the bad habits aren't the
0:54problem all along. They are merely
0:57symptoms of the real problem. And when
1:00Jeffree and Jessica discover the real
1:02problem, they finally make progress.
1:04[music]
1:05I hear all the time that some of you who
1:07watch my videos didn't even realize you
1:09weren't subscribed to this channel. So,
1:10if you can do me a favor and just double
1:12check that you're subscribed to this
1:13channel, I'd be so grateful. It's the
1:15simple and free thing that anyone who
1:16watches my videos frequently can do to
1:19help my work here. It helps keep
1:20everything going. So, please just double
1:22check that you're subscribed and I
1:23appreciate you for being here. In this
1:25video, I'm going to teach you why the
1:26bad habits that you feel like you're
1:28addicted to are actually not [music] the
1:31problem that you should be focused on.
1:34They are the symptom of the real
1:37problem. This is why almost everyone
1:40repeatedly fails trying to quit, you
1:42know, the habits like porn and video
1:44games and junk food and scrolling.
1:46[music] You're focusing on the wrong
1:48thing. And so it's my goal in this video
1:51to give you hope because when you
1:54repeatedly relapse in these bad habits
1:55that you are just really trying to quit,
1:58you start to lose hope and you start to
2:00lose trust in yourself because every day
2:02you tell yourself you're not going to do
2:03these habits anymore. But then you do
2:05them again and again and again because
2:07there is something dark inside of you
2:10that is pulling you towards these
2:12habits. And you can try and quit the
2:14habits like you've already done, but
2:16it's not very effective. We need to
2:18figure out what's deep inside of us
2:20that's pulling us to those bad habits in
2:22the first place. Let's begin by
2:24discussing why we really do the bad
2:27habits. Because there's a big
2:28misconception here. If I asked you,
2:30okay, why do you watch porn? Why do you
2:33eat bad food? Why do you scroll? You
2:35would tell me, well, because those
2:37things are kind of fun and I get
2:39cravings for them. You think you
2:41actually desire those things, but that's
2:44not actually what's going on. You don't
2:46desire the porn, video games, junk food.
2:48You desire to run away from something.
2:50But what are you running away from in
2:52the first place? And it's probably
2:54starting to become kind of apparent for
2:56you. What would happen if you just sat
2:59there and you didn't do any of these bad
3:02habits and you also didn't work and you
3:04also didn't go to the gym. Imagine if
3:06you just sat there for like 1 hour. What
3:09would happen? What would your brain
3:11think about when you sit there and just
3:13do nothing? You don't even busy yourself
3:15with good habits either. Your emotional
3:17baseline when you're not doing anything
3:19is actually negative. Your existence
3:22feels boring. It feels painful. [music]
3:24There's vicious memories that you
3:26remember from the past that come back up
3:28to the surface to haunt you again. And
3:31so instead of being sat there and being
3:32bored and also pained by these [music]
3:34memories, it's just nicer to go and do
3:36some of the bad habits to overstimulate
3:38ourselves and also to go and do some
3:39good habits like working and going to
3:41the gym to busy ourselves. Because if we
3:43don't busy ourselves with good or bad
3:45habits and you just sit there, [music]
3:47it's actually pretty tough. This is the
3:50real reason why we do bad habits. It's
3:52not as simple as like, oh well, I just
3:53felt like scrolling. I just felt like
3:55watching porn. I just felt like eating
3:57junk food. There is an emotional pain
3:59that you are running away from because
4:01and it gets deep. When you were a child,
4:04there were emotions most likely that
4:07your parents beat out of you. Your
4:10parents and teachers in society told you
4:12that you were wrong to feel certain
4:15things and then you've always pushed
4:17them away. When my dad used to beat me
4:20as a child and I would cry, he would
4:23attack me more and tell me not to cry.
4:28So for many years growing up, when there
4:30was reasons to cry and to grieve when I
4:33had lost people in my life, I was almost
4:36emotionless. Not because I'm like some
4:39strong stoic guy, but because I had the
4:42fear and pain of my own father
4:45assaulting me and and abusing me. So I
4:49couldn't express this emotion because
4:52I've been told that certain emotions are
4:54unacceptable.
4:56When you've had an experience like that
4:59and maybe hundreds of experiences like
5:01that, your instincts, your nervous
5:03system has just got this automatic
5:06belief, this just conclusion that there
5:10are just some emotions that you cannot
5:12feel. And so when those emotions arrive,
5:14it will quickly tell you to go and
5:16distract yourself rather than telling
5:18you to sit there and process it in the
5:20way that you should. Can you imagine how
5:22deep this goes? These are your natural
5:24human animalistic emotions. But the
5:26world told you don't be angry, don't be
5:29sad, don't be loud. So in our lives, we
5:32have repressed so many emotions that we
5:34probably should have expressed to the
5:36world, but we didn't because previously
5:38we were told that these were bad for us.
5:39And so by the time you're an adult,
5:42there are hundreds maybe thousands of of
5:44painful moments in your life that you
5:47have not healed from or expressed
5:48properly. So when you sit there and do
5:51nothing [music] and you are not busy
5:52with good habits or with bad habits, you
5:55will get this sense of nihilism,
5:58depression, anxiety and pain and that
6:00feels terrible. And since we have
6:02literally lost the ability to process
6:05emotions,
6:07we then just go and run away and do some
6:09of these bad habits. And I've just
6:11experienced this myself recently.
6:12[music] For the last few weeks, I got
6:14onto a dopamine detox, which means that
6:16I haven't been using a lot of like
6:17technology the same way that I have done
6:20for most of my life. My phone is black
6:22and white. I haven't got social media on
6:24my phone. I haven't seen once like
6:27[music]
6:27internet comments, um, Instagram DMs,
6:30nothing. Like, I've literally been quite
6:32detached. Of course, I still have my
6:33phone with me and I use like WhatsApp to
6:34message my friends and stuff, but I've
6:36not had any social media on my phone.
6:38I've not looked at any social media
6:39online or anything like that. I've not
6:41consumed any content. I've been eating
6:43more plain foods and, you know, I've
6:44been living way more of a healthy life.
6:46And naturally, this has meant that I've
6:48had so much more free time. At the same
6:50time of doing this dopamine detox,
6:53[music]
6:53I've also been slowing down my rate of
6:56work and I've been getting more into
6:58sort of slow living because I've
6:59realized that when I move too fast, I
7:01usually make stupid decisions. So, this
7:03is interesting that conveniently
7:05[clears throat] at the same time,
7:06[music] I'm doing less of the bad habits
7:08and I'm actually working less as well.
7:11In the first few days of doing this,
7:13[music]
7:14I noticed that my anxiety levels were
7:19skyhigh. Like I was so anxious. [music]
7:22I felt the crushing pain in my chest. I
7:24had all these mental worries for the
7:26future and what if this happens? What if
7:28that happens? What if this? You know, my
7:29business and and like so many of these
7:31worries and this pain in my chest, this
7:33this breathlessness, like all the
7:34symptoms of anxiety. And when I first
7:36really felt this anxiety a few weeks
7:38ago, you know, [music] the first thing I
7:40wanted to do, I wanted to go on my phone
7:43and order food, like junk food to my
7:45house. And I stopped. I just for some
7:48reason was lucky enough to stop and
7:50think like, "Wow, that's so interesting.
7:52I feel anxious." And my first impulse
7:56was to cover it up with eating junk
7:58food. My second impulse was to cover it
8:02up with working more. And I thought
8:04that's so interesting because
8:07I know that I've actually been this
8:09anxious every day for all of my life.
8:13I'm actually familiar with those
8:15symptoms. It's just that I'm not so
8:17consciously aware of them because of how
8:19much I busy myself. But when I sat there
8:22and refused to order the junk food and
8:24refused to work more and just sat there
8:26with that anxiousness, [music]
8:28I realized that this was the level of
8:30anxiety I've had all of my life, even
8:32since when I was a child. [music]
8:34And I've been running away from actually
8:37facing it by doing the bad habits like
8:39eating junk food or scrolling, playing
8:41video games, or even in the last few
8:43years doing good habits like going to
8:44the gym twice a day, three times a day,
8:46and working as much as possible. I think
8:48you might find this interesting. One of
8:50these days when I felt high levels of
8:52anxiety, I thought to myself a few weeks
8:54ago before I got into this dopamine
8:56detox and before I started working less,
8:59I didn't really feel the anxiety as much
9:02because, you know, I was busying myself.
9:05So, it technically wasn't there, right?
9:07It's kind of like the thinking practice.
9:09If a tree falls in the woods and no one
9:10hears it, does it still make a sound? If
9:12you have anxiety, but you don't feel it,
9:14do you still have anxiety? Because if
9:16the answer is no, then we don't even
9:17need to do anything. we should just busy
9:19ourselves as much as possible. But I
9:21realized that the answer is actually yes
9:24because of what this ring right here has
9:27showed me. This is an Aura ring. I'm not
9:29affiliated. You can buy one if you want.
9:31You don't have to buy one. It's all
9:32good. But basically, it tracks your
9:33sleep and your health metrics and
9:35there's all the like sleep trackers and
9:36stuff that you can go ahead and buy.
9:38I've had it for about 5 years. And even
9:41though my habits are really good, you
9:43know, I'm like a disciplined guy. I go
9:44to bed at the same time really early. I
9:46don't use my phone before bed. I eat
9:48really early so my sleep can be as good
9:49as possible. My sleep has always been
9:54Like there is no one who has
9:57worse sleep than me and I actually
9:59deserve to have some of the best sleep
10:01out of everyone. But my sleep is worse
10:03than basically every single person that
10:05I meet. I wake up like 10 20 times in
10:09the night. I have friends who stay up
10:11late and they even drink and they go to
10:13sleep at 1:00 a.m. and they literally
10:15sleep better than I do. And I've spent
10:16years researching it and improving it
10:18and my conclusion is it's because of
10:20anxiety. And at night time when I can't
10:22busy myself with good habits and I can't
10:24distract myself with bad habits, that's
10:26when it really comes [music] out. So a
10:28few weeks ago, before I got onto the
10:30dopamine detox, before I reduce my
10:32workload, before I was even kind of very
10:35consciously aware of how anxious I was,
10:37my sleep was still up. So to
10:40answer the question of if you have
10:42anxiety or any of these unprocessed
10:44emotions but you don't really feel them
10:46because you cover them up in the day, do
10:48you still even have them? Like are they
10:50worth even focusing on because you don't
10:52feel them? The answer is yes. They are
10:54still there. Even if you try and cover
10:55up these emotions, these traumas that
10:57we're talking about if you don't feel
10:59them, it's still there insidiously
11:01wrecking your health, your productivity.
11:03It's putting you into survival mode and
11:05it's just sapping your joy of life. So
11:08with this realization, I started to do a
11:09ton of research on how to actually heal
11:12from these pains that are in our past.
11:14There are three steps to healing the
11:16root cause. And the root cause is often
11:18trauma. The definition of trauma that
11:20I'm going to give you, because people
11:21make this such like a vague spiritual
11:23thing, whatever. The definition of
11:25trauma that I'm going to use is trauma
11:28is emotions that are unprocessed. Simple
11:32as that. Emotions, okay, you know what
11:34emotions are? It's anger, it's disgust,
11:36it's pain, sadness. Emotions that are
11:38unprocessed. Processed basically just
11:41means shown to the world. Trauma is when
11:44you have emotions that were not shown to
11:47the world. It's as simple as that. And
11:49so, it's actually kind of clear on how
11:51you would heal trauma. And I'm telling
11:52you right now, people have over
11:54complicated trauma by like 100x because
11:56a lot of people make money from
11:57complicating it. But luckily for you, I
11:59make money from simplifying things and
12:01giving it to you in like a no
12:02way. So, I've had to suffer through
12:04hundreds of hours over the last few
12:06years of learning about trauma from so
12:08many different like books, authors,
12:10modalities, therapists, and all this.
12:12And I can just conclude to you to heal
12:14from trauma, which is the reason why we
12:16do so many of these bad habits in the
12:18first place. All you have to do is just
12:20process, in other words, express the
12:22emotions that you didn't express back
12:24when you first experienced the pain. So,
12:27there's three steps, and you can do this
12:28for like 10 minutes a day. Step number
12:30one, you need to figure out exactly what
12:32needs to heal. So, just do this. Sit
12:36there and stare at your wall. Don't
12:40journal. Don't force your mind to think
12:43about anything specifically. Don't go on
12:44your phone. Literally, just sit there
12:47and look around your room just kind of
12:49bored. And don't manually tell yourself
12:51to think about, you know, being
12:53productive or anything. Literally, just
12:54allow your brain to just think about
12:55whatever it wants. Be as unproductive as
12:57you want. And within just 30 seconds of
13:00you sitting there and just staring at
13:02your wall, your brain will give you some
13:05kind of flashback of a memory. It will
13:08show you some kind of pain emotion that
13:10is inside of you. When that happens,
13:12note it down and take it seriously
13:14because the random painful memory that
13:16arises in your mind is very interesting.
13:19Why did that one pop up? Why not one
13:22from 2 years ago? Why not a different
13:24memory? It's because the memory that
13:25pops up randomly and the emotion that's
13:27tied to it is still stuck inside of you.
13:30I know that might sound crazy, but I
13:32promise you it's actually true. You
13:33should be so curious why your brain made
13:36you think of that specific moment and
13:38emotions start to arise. It's because
13:40you've not healed from that little
13:42moment. It might have been an argument
13:44you had with someone like 3 years ago
13:47and you still have the pain, the
13:49annoyance, the anger inside of you. Now,
13:51can you imagine like how sickly you are?
13:54Because there's been hundreds, thousands
13:55of instances in your life where you
13:57still have those emotions like stuck
13:59inside of you and they're just there
14:01insidiously sapping your health and your
14:04focus and your ability to think long
14:06term this entire time. They are still
14:08there. I promise you. And so you need to
14:10allow yourself to sit there with no
14:11distractions. Don't busy yourself all
14:13day trying to be productive. Don't just
14:15run to the bad habit. Sit there, feel
14:17the boredom, feel the pain of just
14:19staring at your wall and the random
14:21memories that arise. They're the ones
14:23that you need to heal from. Step two,
14:25when a certain memory or feeling pops up
14:27when you are doing this practice, do not
14:31cope. This is the problem for people
14:33like us. It'll be very easy to feel that
14:35memory, for example, of someone who
14:36wronged you. And you'll straight away
14:38act like an adult and you'll say, "Oh,
14:40well, you know, because it made me
14:41stronger anyway, so I don't even have to
14:43worry about it. You know, that person
14:44apologized." No, no, no, no, no. Don't
14:46cope. And interestingly, don't act like
14:50an adult here. Step number two in
14:54healing the the root cause of this pain
14:56once you have, you know, gotten like
14:57some kind of painful memory that pops up
14:59in your mind is to [music] actually act
15:02like a child. Like do this. Visualize
15:05your inner child. Like imagine what you
15:06looked like when you were like 5 years
15:08old. You probably can remember some
15:10pictures that you've got of you as a
15:11child, right? And when this memory pops
15:13up or this emotion pops up, visualize
15:16your inner child like you're the five or
15:18the 10-year-old version of you looking
15:20up at you as if you are his dad or his
15:22big brother and he feels the same pain
15:24that you know you're you're feeling and
15:26he's like tugging on your trousers to
15:27say like, "I'm really scared. I'm scared
15:29that this is going to happen tomorrow."
15:32How would you respond to him? If you
15:34were going to be the best father ever,
15:36how would you respond to your son who
15:37says, "I'm scared this is going to
15:40happen. I'm really angry that they
15:42[music] did this. How would you respond?
15:44Cuz unfortunately, most people are not
15:47going to be good parents. [music] And
15:49most people would look at that child and
15:51say, "It's okay. No, don't feel like
15:54that. Don't feel scared. Don't honor
15:56your real emotions. Your emotions are
15:59wrong." Most people who become parents
16:02would respond to their child like that.
16:03They'd actually train them [music] to
16:05distrust their own emotions and tell
16:07them, "No, your emotions are wrong. You
16:09shouldn't feel scared. No, you're wrong.
16:12Don't worry. Nothing's going to happen.
16:14Your parents probably did this to you.
16:16And can you see how like
16:18how normal that would be to say that to
16:21a child? You probably will say this to
16:23your child at some point in the future.
16:25[music] The correct action here is to
16:27visualize your younger self. Visualize
16:29them looking up at you and telling you
16:31whatever emotion is inside of you
16:32[music] right now. And all you have to
16:35do is just validate them. Don't cope and
16:39tell them it's going to be okay.
16:40Certainly don't tell them not to feel
16:42that emotion. Just repeat what they've
16:45said to you. So when your inner child
16:48says to you, "I feel really anxious. I'm
16:51really worried." All you say is, "Oh,
16:54are you so worried right now?" And
16:55they'll be like, "Yeah, I am." What are
16:57you worried about? Well, I'm worried
16:59about that something's bad's going to
17:01happen tomorrow. Oh, that sounds really
17:04scary, doesn't it? Yeah, that's it.
17:08You don't have to fix every problem or
17:10cope and try to manipulate your own
17:14feelings.
17:15You just have to validate them and
17:17[music] honor them and give them the
17:19attention that it deserves.
17:22Your parents were supposed to do this
17:24for you to train your emotions like a
17:27inner compass that could guide you
17:29through life. But unfortunately, most
17:30people don't really know about this. And
17:32so your parents trying to help you
17:36raised you to distrust your own
17:38emotions. And this is why certain
17:40emotions are stuck inside of us. And
17:42these are the reasons why we go run off
17:44and do the bad habits because it feels
17:45bad inside of us. The emotions that are
17:48stuck inside of us is because it's the
17:50child version of us who's pained by
17:52that. So if you get a random memory from
17:54this argument that you had years ago,
17:56don't cope and say, "Oh, well, they were
17:57just having a bad day, whatever." Just
17:58sit there and validate your feelings and
18:00think, "Oh, yeah, that was a pretty hard
18:01day. That conversation made me feel
18:04really uncomfortable. Yep, that was a
18:06really hard conversation." Don't cope
18:08and say that, "Oh, well, they're not a
18:10bad person and I should have done this."
18:11And don't just don't complicate it.
18:13Imagine how you would speak to the inner
18:14child. You wouldn't say to him like,
18:15"Oh, well, you know, you you did this
18:17and you know, you next time you should
18:18do this." You should just validate the
18:19feelings that are inside of you and say
18:20like, "Oh, man.
18:22Even today, I still feel uncomfortable
18:26and angry about that conversation that
18:28happened 3 years ago. Wow, that
18:31conversation must have really really
18:32angered me. And and yeah, maybe for good
18:35reason. That's all you have to do. And
18:38you will feel that emotion inside of you
18:41finally relax.
18:43And the reason why you'll feel this is
18:45because now the inner child version of
18:48you actually feels like you listen to
18:51him. When your inner child doesn't feel
18:53like you're listening and you keep
18:55coping and making excuses and changing
18:57the story and whatever, he will just
18:59keep on tugging on your trousers and
19:01telling you every single day, I still
19:02feel anxious. I still feel anxious. I
19:04still feel anxious. [music] It's only
19:05when you look at him and say like, oh,
19:07you feel anxious. Oh, that must be so
19:09scary. That's when he can relax because
19:12the emotion, the the warning signal has
19:15been seen by you. And the third step to
19:17healing this root cause trauma, which is
19:20the reason why we do the bad habits in
19:22the first place, is to just relax your
19:24muscles and to put yourself into like a
19:26safe feeling. So, when you're thinking
19:27about these memories and you validate
19:29them and you think, "Wow, that must have
19:31been a really hard period for me." What
19:33you need to do now is to just breathe
19:34really slowly and get yourself into a
19:37nice peaceful moment. Like, breathe
19:39deeply. Feel like your stomach relax
19:41when you like really breathe properly,
19:43rest a little bit. Just get yourself
19:45into a calm moment and that emotion will
19:47start to dissipate now. The memory will
19:49start to go. What you don't want is to
19:51think of these memories and to start
19:52getting, you know, all hyperaggressive.
19:54Oh yeah, I should have knocked him out.
19:55Whatever. Cuz then you're just adding
19:57more to the aggression. All you need to
19:58do is just feel it, validate it, and
20:00just put yourself in a relaxed mode. And
20:02that emotion in the memory will finally
20:04start to be processed. Sometimes the
20:06same one comes up like 10 20 different
20:09times when you do this. And it's
20:11important that every single time you
20:13just do the same thing where you
20:14validate the emotions and eventually
20:16you'll almost forget the memories that
20:18you have processed before because they
20:20just stop arising which means that
20:23you've healed from them. This is how you
20:25heal trauma. You just have to sit there,
20:28bring up some of the memories and the
20:30pain and then just validate it and
20:32accept it. And that's when your body
20:34will kind of relax. Sometimes you'll
20:36even feel physical symptoms. Like a lot
20:37of the times I'll feel things like
20:38literally like physical sensations like
20:40moving around in my stomach and then it
20:42will kind [music] of dissipate which
20:43means that you've processed it. If you
20:45just do this three-step protocol maybe
20:46every day for like 5 10 minutes, you
20:49will notice so many random memories that
20:51you thought you had healed from, you
20:53thought were in the past. But always be
20:56curious and think, "Wow, it's
20:57interesting that when I don't busy
20:59myself, when I'm not doing a bad habit,
21:01when I'm not doing even good habits and
21:02I just sit there, it is so interesting
21:04that they're arising now." You still
21:07have a little bit more work to do to
21:08heal from them. And the beauty of this
21:10practice is that you have right now a
21:12habit that when these pains arise, you
21:14quickly go and do the bad habits that
21:16you've been struggling with. And then
21:18you've been spending all your time and
21:19energy trying to quit those bad habits.
21:21>> [music]
21:22>> But now you know why the desire for the
21:24bad habit is popping up in the first
21:26place. It's because of these painful
21:27emotions and memories that we're
21:29actually trying to run away from. So if
21:31you focus on these first, what you'll
21:32notice, which is really nice, is the
21:34craving, the need, the desire for the
21:35bad habit will just pop up way less. And
21:37you'll go from being that, you know, the
21:39the sort of fat person who's like a
21:40binge eater to the guy who every now and
21:42then wants dessert, but it's not like a
21:44crazy amount. So, you'll still end up
21:46getting some cravings here and there
21:48when you do this practice, but it turns
21:49into like a pretty healthy way where
21:51it's not compulsive and it's not every
21:53day and it doesn't feel like an
21:54addiction. That's the ideal scenario we
21:56want to get you to. And doing this
21:58practice, I genuinely think, is going to
22:00help you so much more than actually
22:02trying to quit the bad habits [music] in
22:04the first place. I really hope that what
22:06I've taught in this video helps you
22:08because I've researched this for about 5
22:10years now. and this topic on healing
22:13trauma, mental health. These are like my
22:15favorite topics to talk about because I
22:16really think they they can help so many
22:18people. So, thank you for being here.
22:20Thank you for clicking on one of my
22:21videos today. Do the hard work,
22:23especially when you don't feel like it.
22:25By the way, no pressure, but there's a
22:27few links underneath this video that you
22:28can check out if you want to have a look
22:29at my paid programs. When you trust me
22:31enough and you feel like my free content
22:33has already changed your life, you can
22:34have a look at

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