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Warren Farrell (Myth of Male Power) and Cassie Jaye (Red Pill) conduct audience experiences — Transcript

by Dr. Warren Farrell · 13,297 words · 2,319 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:01well um i'm richard fabry um i was
0:04really inspired to uh
0:05invite these two people iomo is
0:07attracted to people
0:08who have great moral courage who go
0:11against the tides
0:13and both of them did 180 degrees in
0:16their lives at one point or another to
0:18get where they
0:18are right now cassie j is an
0:21award-winning documentary filmmaker
0:23she's been a
0:24filmmaker for about 10 years this is her
0:27third movie the red pill
0:28she's she's she started out as a
0:30feminist and she was going to
0:32she found out about the men's rights
0:34movement and she was going to expose
0:37that they were obviously misogynist guys
0:40with an
0:40agenda but cassie being the person she
0:42is with
0:43her great characters she approached the
0:45project with an open mind and an open
0:47heart
0:48and once the feminists many feminists
0:51got wind of this
0:52because feminists were funding her film
0:54and initially they took the money away
0:56so she had to raise the rest of it
0:58online and there's a lot more detail i
1:01can give you but
1:02if you want to find out more there go on
1:05her website the redpill
1:07movie.com and her jay
1:11jaybird productions uh lauren farrell i
1:14mean
1:14he's the father of the men's rights
1:16movement he's been at it for decades
1:17he's the only man
1:19male who's been on the board of
1:21directors of the national association of
1:22women
1:23for three years and during that time he
1:26went around around the country
1:27he made a fairly good living extolling
1:29the virtues of the
1:31feminist movement but he started
1:33observing
1:35the leaders of the feminist movement up
1:36close and personal
1:38and he started noticing inconsistencies
1:40and hypocrisy
1:41and started thinking for himself and so
1:43he started to
1:45when his speeches he changed uh what he
1:48was saying
1:49and pretty soon his speaking gig
1:51somewhat dried up
1:54and then around 1993 he came out
1:57and he was writing books before that
1:59with the landmark book
2:01the myth of male power and um
2:04i could keep on going on about warren
2:07farrell but uh
2:08i don't want to take up any more of your
2:09time and if you want to learn
2:11more about warren farrell there's a very
2:13huge wiki
2:14page on him and he's been around
2:17and i'm very indebted for all the
2:19insights and also since we live in a
2:22media saturated world um uh
2:25cassie's movie is gonna definitely be a
2:28breakthrough movie you'll see a lot of
2:29people
2:30who are also gonna be making movies
2:31about men's rights and she started it by
2:34showing her vulnerability
2:35you know she wasn't trying to be funny
2:38or satirical she was just being herself
2:40and real
2:40and we really appreciate it
3:17so first off i want to thank the
3:20institute of pneumatic sciences for
3:22inviting me to speak here
3:23and family favors thank you so much it's
3:26a real honor
3:28i've only been here i think once before
3:30with glenn you took me out to the
3:31labyrinth up on the hill and
3:33it was just a really magical experience
3:35so it's so nice to be here today
3:38and i would also like to thank
3:41my friends who have shown up to offer
3:43moral support
3:45and dr warren farrell for gracing us
3:47with his presence
3:49and mr evan davies
3:52for being by my side this entire time
3:55and
3:55as warren spilled the beans last week we
3:58got engaged
3:59and i got down on one knee asked would
4:02you be my wife
4:03and i tearfully said you didn't bring me
4:05tissues
4:08before i said yes that was already
4:10evolving mess
4:13but i'm so glad that we could do this
4:15today and i've
4:17been stuck in in work mode with the red
4:19kill movie and this is the first time
4:21i'm ever really getting to
4:22share my story outside the film so
4:27it's nice to meet all of you and have
4:29you introduce yourselves because i think
4:30this is a really
4:32open group to hearing what what i've
4:34prepared
4:36so i'll just jump right in i'm
4:39inspired by people i'm inspired by
4:42stories
4:43people sharing their life experiences
4:46the lessons they've learned
4:48the how they've grown from those
4:50experiences
4:51and the wisdom that's sprouted from
4:53those often difficult
4:54challenging times are you inspired by
4:58people in my stories
5:00i would think so or you want to be here
5:01today
5:03would you say you are open to listening
5:06to anyone's story
5:10yeah let's put it to the test
5:16i am going to take you on a thought
5:18experiment
5:20so please close your eyes thank you no
5:24peeking
5:27and think of a person or a type of
5:30person
5:31who you would never want to be in the
5:34same room with
5:36is it a certain politician that you
5:38dislike in a passion
5:40is it someone in history who did the
5:42most heinous crime you could think of
5:45is it someone from your past who made
5:48you feel
5:48so small if you can't think of anyone
5:52think of something you strongly believe
5:55and then think of someone
5:57who believes the opposite
6:00now imagine you're in a room with that
6:02person
6:04feel their energy now think about how
6:07you
6:08are feeling right now are you feeling
6:11yourself punch up
6:13is it getting harder to breathe
6:18i actually begin to sense the blood
6:19flowing through my veins which
6:21is a common physiological response to
6:23anxiety
6:27it's not a good feeling is it and that's
6:30why
6:31we try to avoid feeling this way we
6:34don't want to be
6:35in the same room with people like that
6:39then that's a dangerous word them
6:45but for the sake of this thought
6:46experiment i'm going to make you imagine
6:49it
6:50so keep your eyes closed
6:54and imagine you're in a room with this
6:56person
6:57and they're telling you their life story
7:01what made them who they are the best
7:03time and the worst time in their life
7:06maybe you didn't even ask them they're
7:08just telling you what a narcissist right
7:12now look at yourself what are you doing
7:16are you really listening
7:19or are you identifying the exit doors
7:21playing your escape route
7:23are you storing arguments in your head
7:26for when you finally get the opportunity
7:28to respond
7:29yes you're waiting for your chance to
7:30tell them off tell them how horrible
7:32they are and how they're so wrong
7:36if that's how you're feeling would you
7:39say
7:40you are learning new information or you
7:43are resisting
7:45new information you can open your eyes
7:51if you're resisting new information why
7:56what do you fear learning
7:59if you're in that position of hearing
8:01your enemy tell their story
8:03and you're resisting everything it will
8:06be
8:06an extremely uncomfortable experience
8:09but if you're in that position and you
8:11let go of your defenses
8:13you accept where you are you decide to
8:16listen
8:18to understand it will no longer be
8:22suffocating it will most certainly be
8:25enlightening what you learn
8:28why are you resisting that being your
8:30experience
8:33your your greatest fear can't be
8:35confirming that they're an awful person
8:37because you already know that that's
8:39already part of who you are
8:42so perhaps your greatest fear is finding
8:45out
8:46you have something in common that you
8:49could relate to them
8:50on some crazy level
8:54or worse yet you find out that you'd
8:56like them
8:58that would never happen in a million
9:00years you're thinking right
9:02but what if it did just what if it did
9:06synthetic why are you so
9:09attached to your assumptions
9:13what about your life would change if you
9:16no longer
9:16saw them as your enemy
9:21in 2013 i decided to meet my enemies
9:25i was a 27 year old award-winning
9:27filmmaker and a proud feminist
9:29and i was determined to expose the dark
9:31underbelly of the men's rights movement
9:34for one year i traveled north america
9:37meeting the
9:38leaders and the followers of the men's
9:39rights movement
9:41and i spent anywhere from two to four
9:44six sometimes
9:45up to eight hours filming each
9:47individual person
9:48i filmed 44 people
9:51and it's there's an important role in
9:54documentary filmmaking
9:55as an interviewer you do not interrupt
10:00so i'm asking men's rights activists
10:03mras
10:05questions and i'm getting long answers
10:07their full life story
10:10and it's important to note that for many
10:12of these people
10:13they've never been interviewed before
10:15but they've also
10:16many of them had never been asked what's
10:19your story
10:21what makes you who you are and so it's
10:24just pouring
10:25pouring out of them so months and months
10:29and months of this goes by
10:31and in the moment i didn't realize it
10:34but now looking back i can see that
10:38while i was conducting my interviews
10:40i wasn't actually listening
10:44i was hearing them speak i knew the
10:47camera was recording
10:49but in that moment of sitting across
10:52from my enemy
10:53i wasn't listening what was i doing
10:58i was anticipating
11:02i was waiting to hear a sentence or even
11:05just
11:06a couple of words in succession that
11:08proved what i wanted to believe
11:11that i had found the misogynist
11:14the ground zero of the war on women
11:20a couple of moments i thought i had it
11:22there was one mens activist that said
11:25just walk outside and look around
11:28everything you see
11:29was built by a man
11:33his statement felt anti-women i felt my
11:36job clench
11:37if i were with my friends i would have
11:39delivered to sassy oh really
11:41as a warning that a rant worthy of a mic
11:43drop and a bow is fast approaching
11:46but i sat quietly as a documentarian
11:49should
11:50while removing all the space between my
11:52upper and lower molars
11:57after a year of filming i was reviewing
12:00the 100 plus
12:01hours of footage i had gathered
12:03replaying and transcribing it
12:06which believe me when i say no one will
12:09ever
12:09listen to you more than someone who
12:11transcribes your words
12:13write that down so i was transcribing
12:17which meant i was replaying the footage
12:19over and over again getting
12:20every word meticulously and i realized
12:24that my initial knee-jerk reactions to
12:26certain statements
12:27weren't warranted and my being offended
12:32didn't hold up to intense scrutiny
12:35was that statement about men having
12:38built the skyscrapers and the bridges
12:40anti-women what would be the gender
12:42reverse scenario
12:44maybe a feminist saying just look around
12:48every person you see was birthed by a
12:50woman
12:52it's a powerful statement and it's true
12:56is it anti-male i don't think so
13:00i think it's acknowledging our unique
13:03and valued contributions to our society
13:08luckily while i was filming the red pill
13:10i kept a video diary
13:12which ended up tracking my evolving
13:15views
13:17and in looking back on those 37 video
13:20diaries that i recorded that year
13:22there was a common theme i would often
13:25hear an innocent and valid point that a
13:28men's rights activist would make
13:30but in my head i would add on to their
13:34statement a sexist or anti-woman spin
13:38assuming that's what they wanted to say
13:40but didn't
13:41so here are three examples a men's
13:44rights activist would say
13:46there are over 2 000 domestic violence
13:48shelters for women
13:49in the u.s and only one for men
13:52yet multiple studies show that men are
13:54just as likely to be abused by an
13:56intimate partner
13:58i would hear them say we don't need 2
14:02000 shelters for women
14:03they're lying about being abused it's
14:05all a scam
14:07but looking back on all the footage i
14:09gathered of men's rights activists
14:10talking about shelters
14:12and all the blogs they've written and
14:14all the video live streams that they've
14:16posted on youtube
14:17they never say that all they say is that
14:20men are abused too
14:21and deserve care and compassion
14:24so example number two men's rights
14:27activists would say
14:29where is justice for the man who is
14:32falsely
14:32accused of raping a woman and because of
14:36this accusation
14:37he loses his college scholarship and is
14:40branded
14:41with the inescapable title of rapist
14:46i would hear a woman being raped isn't a
14:49big deal
14:51it's as if i didn't hear the word
14:54falsely
14:55accused of rape i only heard
14:58he was accused of rape of course rape is
15:02a big deal
15:03and all the men's rights activists agree
15:05it is a horrible thing to
15:06happen to anyone and i eventually
15:09realized
15:10that what they're saying is they're
15:12trying to add to the gender equality
15:14discussion
15:15who is standing up for the good-hearted
15:17honorable man
15:20who loses his scholar college
15:22scholarship or his job
15:24or worse yet his children because he was
15:27accused of something he
15:28absolutely did not do
15:32third example a men's rights activists
15:36would say
15:37female genital mutilation is outlawed in
15:40most countries throughout the world
15:42yet infant male genital mutilation also
15:45known as circumcision
15:47is routinely practiced and rarely
15:49questioned
15:52i would honestly think they said female
15:56general mutilation
15:57should be legal too
16:00this is so far beyond what they said why
16:03was i doing this
16:04i was assuming the absolute worst in
16:06them because i thought they were my
16:08enemy
16:10eventually i couldn't keep denying the
16:12points that they were making
16:14these are real issues but in an effort
16:17to
16:18avoid agreeing with them completely
16:21i changed from putting words in their
16:24mouth
16:24to acknowledging these issues but
16:27insisting
16:28it's a woman's issue so here are some
16:31examples of how that would go
16:35a men's rights activist mra would say
16:40men are more likely to lose their child
16:41in a custody bow
16:44i would conclude because women are
16:46unfairly expected to be the caretaker
16:49it's discrimination against women that
16:51women get custody more often
16:55an mra would say on average men die
16:59five years sooner than women
17:03and i would conclude for those five
17:06years
17:07women have to live alone and fend for
17:09themselves in their vulnerable elderly
17:10state
17:14and emory would say 99
17:17of all war deaths are men
17:20and i would say well men couldn't even
17:23er
17:24well i would say women couldn't even
17:27serve in combat positions until recently
17:29so combat deaths throughout history
17:31have been a reflection of discrimination
17:33against women
17:39last example you don't like me back then
17:43last example an mra would say
17:47men are 80 of all suicides throughout
17:50the world
17:52and i would say but women attempt to
17:56suicide more often
18:00it's not a contest but i was making it
18:04into one
18:06every men's rights issue that they would
18:08bring up i would have a counter of how
18:10it's actually a woman's issue
18:12but here's what i later realized there's
18:15nothing wrong
18:16with considering what women go through
18:19but why couldn't i simply admit accept
18:22and have compassion for men's issues
18:26without jumping at the opportunity
18:28to insist that women are the real
18:30victims
18:33so rewind back to 2013. i vividly
18:36remember
18:37reading warren carroll's book the myth
18:39of male power
18:40i was only about two months into filming
18:43the red pill and on page 70 of his book
18:47this is what he wrote hold on
18:53so this is page 70 of this one
18:56during the civil war the government
18:58passed a conscription
19:00act allowing an essence for an all-male
19:02slave trade
19:04more than half a million men 623
19:08thousand
19:0826 men were killed in the civil war
19:12the equivalent of 11 vietnam wars
19:18try to imagine 11 vietnam wars in a row
19:21in which only females are drafted in
19:24which 620
19:26000 female soldiers your sister your
19:28mother your daughter
19:29arrived home in body bags
19:36for a second my minds i saw it
19:39and that i was in a ring and then i was
19:42enraged how dare
19:46he asked me to feel the emotional impact
19:49of seeing 620 000 women and girls dead
19:53bodies
19:54lined up side by side as far as the eye
19:56can see
19:57how dare he asked me to imagine that
20:00site
20:01i seriously thought this two months into
20:04filming
20:06and when my inflamed rage started to
20:08simmer
20:09i had three options either continue
20:13reading
20:14which began to feel like a masochistic
20:18effort
20:21or i could forget about it entirely and
20:23move on to something new
20:25watch a reality show read a jezebel
20:27article scan pinterest
20:29or i could sit with my thoughts
20:32and really analyze not only what warren
20:36is saying
20:37but why i am feeling the way i am
20:41and i think that's what you're asking
20:44while making the red pill i couldn't
20:47abandon my emotions
20:49i had to examine them in order to
20:51complete this film
20:53with a thorough understanding of what
20:55men's rights activists are saying
20:57and what the average person is thinking
21:00because as a documentary filmmaker i
21:03take it on as my responsibility
21:05to grasp the topic so fully and deeply
21:07as i can
21:09and i have to be immersed in that world
21:12learning from the experts who have spent
21:14decades researching and honing how they
21:16deliver this information
21:18and then i have to go back to where my
21:20innocent mind was
21:22before i began researching this topic
21:24because that's my audience
21:27i have to know what they can absorb in a
21:29two hour film
21:31and i have to decide what's the most
21:33important information the audience can
21:34take away when they leave that movie
21:36theater or turn off the tv
21:40in the grand scheme of making the red
21:41pill
21:43it didn't take me long to realize
21:46that men's issues need compassion
21:49it took me a few months but when i got
21:53it i got it
21:54these are human rights issues that
21:56uniquely or disproportionately
21:58affect men paternity fraud uniquely
22:01affects men the united states selective
22:03service in the case of a draft
22:05still uniquely affects men workplace
22:08deaths disproportionately affect men war
22:11deaths overwhelmingly men
22:13suicide overwhelmingly men sentencing
22:15disparity
22:17life expectancy child custody
22:20child support false rape allegations
22:23criminal court bias
22:25misandry failure to launch boys falling
22:28behind in education
22:30homelessness veterans issues infant male
22:34genital mutilation
22:35pregnancy entrapment lack of parental
22:38choice once a child is conceived
22:40lack of resources and compassion for
22:44male victims of domestic violence
22:47so many issues that are heartbreaking
22:50if you are the victim or you love
22:52someone who is the victim of any of
22:54these issues
22:58these are men's issues and most people
23:01can't name one
23:03because we believe that men have all the
23:04power they have all the rights
23:07but these issues deserve to be
23:09acknowledged they deserve
23:10care and attention and motivation for
23:13solutions
23:16accepting that these are human rights
23:18issues
23:19only take me took me a few months
23:23but there was something far more
23:24difficult for me to face
23:29if you start to humanize your enemy
23:34you in turn may be dehumanized
23:37by your community and that's what
23:40happened to me
23:44one of the most difficult parts of
23:45making the red pill was screening it and
23:47publicizing it
23:49with all of my previous films the
23:51screening tour process was always a very
23:53positive experience
23:55the message of my first documentary
23:56called daddy i do
23:58was to encourage better comprehensive
24:00sexual education in schools
24:02to arm kids with the tools to make
24:04better choices
24:05and to secure a brighter future and
24:08colleges loved my film
24:10planned parenthood funded a northwestern
24:12and alaskan tour of my film
24:14with all travel expenses paid and dinner
24:16parties talking about how
24:18how much this film can make a real
24:20positive difference
24:22with my second feature film the right to
24:24love
24:25it was released while gay marriage was
24:27still illegal in most states
24:30so this greeting tour process was a
24:32mixture of love and tears
24:35hopeful tears that one day any person
24:38could marry the person they love
24:43as much as i wish i could say the red
24:44hill screening tour
24:46has consisted of me being interviewed
24:48about how we can help men and boys in
24:50these dire situations
24:52that has not been the case
24:55almost every interview i've done i'm
24:57asked to defend myself against
24:59malicious slanderous liabilist
25:01defamatory statements
25:03that have been made against me and my
25:06four minutes on air is stolen by these
25:08erroneous claims
25:11it's no secret now that making the red
25:13pill movie
25:15that after making the red pill movie i
25:17no longer call myself a feminist
25:22but it wasn't learning about men's
25:24issues
25:25that made me part of feminism it was
25:28actually learning about feminism
25:30that made me leave feminism and i know
25:33that sounds harsh
25:35especially when you wear that label as
25:37your identity
25:40but how could i be a part of a movement
25:42that was not willing to listen
25:44that didn't want me to listen and
25:46doesn't want others to listen
25:50you may be thinking well that's not my
25:51movement but i say that because
25:54there was a calculated smear campaign
25:56against me and my film has been censored
25:59and pulled from multiple theaters
26:00all because i listened and allowed
26:04other people the opportunity to listen
26:08if i could give advice to anyone and to
26:10our society at large
26:12we have to stop expecting to be offended
26:17and instead we have to start truly
26:20openly and sincerely listening
26:24that will lead to a greater
26:25understanding of ourselves and others
26:28having compassion for one another
26:31working together towards solutions
26:33because we
26:34all are we are all in this together
26:39and once we do that we can finally heal
26:41from the inside out
26:44but it has to start with listening
26:47thank you for listening
27:07four years
27:19as i listen as i'm listening to you um
27:21just it just brought me through the
27:23whole
27:24really valley of internal tears
27:28that you know i the journey that i went
27:30through was very very similar to yours
27:33because i was on the board of the
27:34national organization for women in new
27:36york city and
27:37speaking all around the world on women's
27:39issues and the importance of women's
27:41issues
27:42and the first time i did a tv show
27:45where i started showing some empathy for
27:47men it was i was on with gloria steinem
27:50and she had just talked with me about
27:51speaking together with her with
27:53to ypo the young president's
27:55organization as we were lining up to
27:57sort of future together
27:58um in that respect and the and she
28:02said um and i said that she said that
28:04the uh
28:05that men earn a lot more than women do
28:07for the same work and i said well
28:09it is true that men are a lot more than
28:11women do but it's not really for the
28:12same work
28:13um men the pay gap is not about men
28:17versus women
28:18it's about moms versus dads and when men
28:21and women become fathers and mothers it
28:24is the fathers who
28:26put a great deal more time and effort
28:27into the workplace
28:29in the hope that they can um be able to
28:32support their family and women
28:34there they work just as hard but they
28:37divide their labor between the children
28:39and the and the workplace and therefore
28:41in the workplace they don't
28:42earn as much and and i was going to
28:45explain that 40
28:46of women uh who are married who have
28:49children
28:49um do not work outside the home at all
28:51during those first five years
28:53uh 40 work full-time outside the loan
28:55but they cut their hours back
28:57and 20 percent um you know do some
28:59combination of both
29:00and that but before i could say that
29:02gloria just gave a signal
29:04like this type of signal
29:07to the producer and the producer said we
29:10should break for commercial
29:12and then the segment was never aired i
29:16had been
29:16invited to that program this was my
29:18ninth time for a national show
29:20um and the and the i was never and so
29:24um gloria never called me back i finally
29:27sent her a phone
29:28from toys r us to call me back because
29:33i thought maybe the junior would break
29:34through the ice
29:36and um never um did she speak with me
29:39again until
29:40recently um but that was she was one of
29:42you know somebody i called my best one
29:44of my better friends and
29:45all the people who were lined up as
29:48people that i
29:48integrated my my emotional identity with
29:51if you're saying
29:52they were all sort of like you know
29:56you know don't touch him anymore and so
29:58my speaking engagements went from
30:00you know very very substantial to
30:03literally
30:03zero in colleges where all the all my
30:06recommendations were
30:07from people who were who were that way
30:10but
30:10people all along the way people who were
30:12on the i
30:13co-founded the national organization for
30:15changing men it was largely a feminist
30:17group
30:18and it was um i was born again and again
30:21i was not warned that what i was saying
30:23was not accurate
30:24i was warned that feminists would
30:28not like what i am saying and to me that
30:31and these were academics people with
30:33phds are saying
30:35you are a phd and you are telling me not
30:37to pay attention to the truth
30:39this is not okay but the more i heard
30:42that reaction the more
30:43in its in a sense made me realize that
30:46if i don't have the courage to do this i
30:50am not supporting i was married at the
30:51time but my former wife was
30:54was um was earning a good deal of income
30:57and so i did not need to support her or
31:00the children
31:01and i was only free to do what i did
31:04not because i'm so enormously wonderful
31:06human being
31:07but because i wasn't supporting people
31:09who would lose the money that i was
31:11uh that i was making in the process and
31:14so as you're talking cassie i just sort
31:16of just it was making me relive this
31:17whole journey
31:19and when you and i took one of our first
31:21walks together
31:22um and you were sort of worried about
31:24this alienation from people that you
31:26really cared about
31:27i said cassie i it's gonna be worse than
31:30you think um it's because
31:32um you know it surprises most moderate
31:36women
31:37who have lived life rather than lived
31:39academia
31:40that that they that there is such
31:44resistance to the l word
31:48listening and so as i began to get more
31:52and more into
31:53what i was listening as i began to get
31:56more and more into
31:57what i was doing i realized that the
31:59biggest issues in the world are not
32:02gender issues
32:03the biggest issue in the world is our
32:05inability to hear each other
32:08and so i began to do what my passion has
32:10been for a good part of the last
32:1215 years is boys issues and men's issues
32:15and father's issues but also
32:17couples communication workshops where i
32:19finally figured out a way of getting
32:21around the
32:22natural biological propensity to not be
32:24able to hear criticism
32:26especially from a loved one and
32:27especially when it's given badly and of
32:28course
32:29all criticism given for a loved one it's
32:31perceived but the person who here again
32:32has given badly um
32:35and so that has become one of my real
32:38understandings of you know
32:39trying to train people to be able to do
32:41what i know i wouldn't
32:42be able to do in the course of my
32:44lifetime which is to to
32:45help people at the age of i've had a
32:48fortune to talk to governor kasich a few
32:50uh a week or so ago and said to him uh
32:53you
32:54you need to start advocating
32:57for first grade second grade students to
33:00be able to learn how to listen
33:02and then for them to be able and not
33:05just the students to be able to listen
33:07but once they're taught that their
33:08parents need to be taught at the same
33:10time
33:11because otherwise the students will go
33:12home and have contempt for their parents
33:14who aren't listening the way that
33:15they've learned how to listen and so
33:17that this
33:18is the work that we need to do in the
33:19next 20 years it doesn't make any
33:21difference
33:21what side of any issue you're on there's
33:24no hope for israeli
33:25palestinian peace there's no hope for
33:27bosses and employees understanding each
33:29other there's no hope for really
33:30the world to move to his next
33:32evolutionary state
33:33until we learn how to listen so i could
33:43so i was thinking tonight that i could
33:45share with you some of the data
33:47that i have worked with for the last
33:49years like i did on the but i'm not
33:50going to do that
33:51i'm not going to do that because it's
33:52there in the book written a lot better
33:54than i could say it
33:55um and and um and it's so if you're
33:58interested in
34:00what men's issues are each of those
34:02things that cassie just went through
34:04that's available but what i can't do in
34:07a book
34:08is give you a bit of a life experience
34:10so what i'd like to do tonight is to
34:12give you a bit of a life experience and
34:14so
34:14i'll ask you just to um just to close
34:17your eyes
34:18with me
34:21i'll ask you to imagine
34:25your dad
34:28imagine your dad having a
34:31glitch in his eye try to think back to a
34:34time that he had his glint in his eye
34:37if you never knew your dad you have an
34:40image of who you think your dad might be
34:42so imagine this relation to that image
34:44if your dad left early in your life the
34:46same thing
34:47imagine your image we all have a
34:49relationship with our dad
34:50even if we haven't met him whatever we
34:52think or feel about our dad
34:54that is what is our relationship with
34:56our dad
34:58so if you so imagine think about the
35:02possibilities of
35:03of what created that glitch in his eye
35:05if you're a little bit older
35:06maybe it was watching your dad play with
35:09your children
35:11and seeing how carefree he was in the
35:14playing with his children
35:16a glitch in his eye means he didn't have
35:18any agenda
35:19he was just totally happy he was relaxed
35:22and letting go
35:23he wasn't trying to tell you how to do
35:24it better how to be different
35:27how to make yourself a better person
35:29maybe he had that glitch in his eye when
35:31he was singing in a chorus
35:33or telling a story that everybody in the
35:36family had heard before but the people
35:38at the dinner table
35:39had not heard before and suddenly he was
35:44he but he knew that every time he told
35:47that story he got respect he got
35:49laughter
35:50he got people paying attention to him
35:53maybe that created the glitter in his
35:54eye
35:56maybe the grint in his eye was created
35:57when he was
35:59fishing and just came back or doing yoga
36:02if he lived in this area
36:07maybe the uh if he was
36:13if he was doing um some type of project
36:16in the garage
36:17and when he figured it out how to do
36:18that he just felt so proud of himself
36:20that he created something
36:22that was of his own imagination and
36:24creativity
36:26maybe he had that glint in his eye when
36:28he came back from playing golf
36:31when he wanted something
36:34when somebody was respecting him
36:37when he was telling a story that showed
36:40how
36:40good he was at something
36:45maybe it was when he was writing poetry
36:47or doing art
36:51maybe you saw when you went through an
36:52old album and it was before you were
36:55born
36:56that he had that clinton in his eye
36:59what changed
37:04some ask you just to get a hold of at
37:06least one thing that created that clint
37:08in your his
37:09desire
37:14i'm going to ask you to imagine what
37:16your dad actually did for a living
37:20think of what he did for a living
37:27he did more than one thing for a living
37:28over the course of your years
37:30think of the thing that he did for a
37:31living that helped to earn him the most
37:34money
37:36to support the family
37:42to ask you to imagine
37:46yourself thinking maybe you're thinking
37:49yourself well maybe
37:50he doesn't really um
37:53my dad would never have asked he never
37:56would want to respond to this question
37:59i did have somebody come up to me once
38:02you could open your eyes now
38:04had somebody come up to me once and say
38:06you know warren
38:08you did that you're the he met me on the
38:10street in la jolla and when i lived in
38:12san diego area
38:13and he said are you wayne a warren
38:16farrell something like that
38:17i said yes warren trail he goes um i did
38:20a workshop with you
38:21a few months ago and it was before
38:23father's day and i decided to
38:25ask this question of my dad what dad
38:27what creates the glint in your eye
38:29and my dad said um
38:32god jimmy this you're still attending
38:35these airy fairy workshops about
38:37what's creating the glint in your eye
38:39you know this is
38:41you know you're not going to ever really
38:42be able to make it in the world if
38:44that's the questions you're asking
38:46but you the question you need to ask is
38:48you know what
38:49you know what's good what can i do to be
38:51responsible what can i do to earn enough
38:52money
38:53to support a family when you start
38:55asking questions like that
38:56that's when you'll become a man and he
38:59said
39:00part of me warren was really furious at
39:02you because you should have known
39:04better than to ask us to ask that
39:06question of our dad
39:08and uh as i was feeling that fury
39:12toward you my dad reached out and he
39:15said
39:16do you really want to know what
39:19what created the glint in my eye is this
39:21sincere or is this just some
39:23workshop thing and i said just shocked
39:25that he's asking the question
39:27no dad it's really sincere and
39:30my dad sort of stuttered a little bit
39:32and he started to cry
39:35and he said and he said to me i had
39:38never seen my dad cry before except
39:40briefly at my mom's funeral
39:43and he said he reached out to me and i
39:45said i was really worried so i was
39:46freaking
39:47and i said i'm sorry dad and he said no
39:49no no
39:51he said i just thought no one would ever
39:53care enough to ask
39:57and so what i'm going to be asking you
39:59to do in a few moments
40:01right now actually is to find someone in
40:04the room that you
40:05didn't come here with hopefully you'll
40:08go back with that person but um
40:14someone that you didn't come here with
40:16so that you'll get a chance to
40:18to share different experiences with
40:19different people you don't know i'm
40:21gonna
40:21ask you to get together in groups of
40:22three not four not two because i'll
40:24be having very specific instructions and
40:27in that group of three
40:28um just stay there for a moment and i'll
40:29give you very specific instructions as
40:31to what to
40:32uh what to share with each other um so
40:34i'll just find
40:35get together a group of three if you can
40:37move the chairs around
40:38i don't think you can actually move the
40:39chairs around um
40:45hold for a second
40:49i'm going to ask the facilitator look
40:51around to the other two people in your
40:52group
40:53and choose the person to start with who
40:55looks the most mentally alert
41:00[Laughter]
41:04ready get set go
41:13i think you're doing questions
41:22[Music]
41:23and thinking about whose story in the
41:26group sort of most
41:27touched your heart
41:31give that a few seconds of thought
41:36i'll ask you to point to that person and
41:38encourage him or her to raise his or her
41:39hand
41:40and share the story of what created the
41:42glint in there
41:43these are her dad's eye versus what the
41:46person actually did for a profession
41:48if by the way the person said had a
41:50glimpse in their eyes let's say
41:52loving sunsets and flying and so on
41:56and your father was a pilot
41:59it would be possible to assume that your
42:02father was doing exactly what created
42:04the glint in his eye
42:06do i know what if if he loved flying and
42:08loved seeing sunsets
42:09and his f your father was a pilot it
42:12would be possible to assume that that's
42:13what created the clinton his eye
42:15and so he was doing just what he wanted
42:16to do but if you pressed your father on
42:19the issue he would first of all
42:20probably say oh it's just what created
42:22the clinton man because that's what men
42:23do
42:24but if you pressed him further and he
42:28asked him to talk about the difference
42:29between the glint in his eye
42:32it would not be about following 150 faa
42:35regulations
42:36he would not be leaving at a certain
42:38time each day flying to a certain place
42:40doing the same place over and over again
42:42having to
42:43worry about any number of things that he
42:45worries about as a pilot
42:46it was the freedom that he was that was
42:49creating
42:50the glint in his eye the
42:52moment-to-moment choice
42:54so as you're doing the sub um just like
42:58being responsible for being able being
43:01responsible for cooking three times a
43:03day
43:04may not create the glint in your eye
43:06even though doing a creative meal once
43:07in a while
43:08may so as you're working on
43:12sharing what created the glint in your
43:13dad's eye versus what he did for a
43:15living
43:16don't confuse what it takes to be a
43:17professional
43:19versus what it takes to be free
43:22okay so imagine you before your first
43:25child
43:26in your family was born either you or
43:27somebody one of your sisters or brothers
43:30and your dad and mom have just realized
43:33what creates the glint in your dad's eye
43:36and your dad and mom think well
43:39she's pregnant and about to have the
43:41first baby and
43:43imagine a good discussion that they have
43:45that
43:46which would create more reliable
43:50income to handle the expenses
43:54of all the children that in fact they
43:57actually did have in your family
44:01and the that which created the glint in
44:04your dad's eye
44:06not some morphed version of it like
44:08pilot
44:09but just doing exactly what created the
44:12glint in his ear his eye
44:15versus what your dad actually did for a
44:20living
44:22raise your hand if your parents with
44:25their
44:25values and their needs for security in
44:28those times
44:30would have chosen what created the glit
44:32in your dad's eye
44:36raise your hand if they would have
44:37chosen what your dad did for a living
44:42i'm going to ask you to really open your
44:44eyes and just take in the power of what
44:46that implies what that implies
44:51is that the money that we make
44:54is not about power the money that
44:58so we hear constantly men earn more
45:01money they have more power as if those
45:03two things
45:04were the same thing i'd like to
45:07introduce you to the possibility
45:09that for the most part the road to pay
45:12is at high pay is a tall road
45:17that the road to high pay is a total
45:20road the higher your pay the more tolls
45:24you're willing to make the more you're
45:25willing to do something
45:26for somebody else and so when a father
45:29becomes a father man becomes a father
45:32he starts worrying about i i can't just
45:35i can't just sell product x or y
45:38in the local area i have to work my way
45:41up now to get a national job
45:43selling it nationwide because nationwide
45:46i'll have more money
45:48that i'll make i can't be a teacher i
45:50need to be a principal i can't be
45:52i can i cannot speak up to my boss and
45:55argue with him or her because i could
45:56lose my job
45:57which is going to hurt my family so the
45:59amount of
46:00money we make is very frequently the
46:03power we
46:03forfeit in order to get the power of pay
46:06pay is about a paradox
46:08the paradox is that we forfeit power to
46:11get the power of pay
46:17so what i'm asking you to look at is
46:19that the world
46:20historically speaking as feminists say
46:24was not controlled by a patriarchal
46:27patriarchy that made rules
46:30to benefit men at the expense of women
46:32which is what
46:33you learn in literally every women's
46:36studies class or gender studies class
46:38at any major university in the country
46:40and there's no feminist who would argue
46:42with me about that being
46:43quote the truth but i'm going to
46:45challenge that truth tonight
46:47what i'm going to challenge is that the
46:49world was not dominated by a patriarchy
46:51the world was dominated by the need to
46:52survive
46:54and what you just dealt with in the
46:56group of the three of you and looking at
46:57your dad's life
46:58is that your dad when you were born when
47:01your oldest brother or sister was born
47:03that is when she or he had to give up
47:06the glint in his eye
47:07that's why that man said to the to jimmy
47:10uh you'll grow up and be a man when you
47:12stop asking what you want to do and ask
47:14what you have to do
47:16neither our mothers nor our fathers were
47:18talking about rights
47:20maybe our mothers were but our great
47:23great grandmothers and our great great
47:24grandfathers were not talking about
47:25rights
47:26they were talking about responsibilities
47:28and obligations
47:30which sex had the responsibilities and
47:32obligations
47:33mothers did and fathers did nobody else
47:36did
47:38both sexes have responsibilities and
47:40obligations women's responsibility and
47:42obligation and the social pressure
47:44was to be able to have children and
47:47be otherwise you wouldn't be considered
47:49a female what did women have to do to
47:51have in order to have children
47:52they had to risk losing their life in
47:55childbirth
47:56for many many centuries and then they
47:58spent their entire life
48:00sacrificing so what so that their
48:03children would have fewer sacrifices and
48:05a better life
48:06than they had and what did the grandpa
48:08and grandparent
48:09father do he did the exact same thing he
48:12didn't
48:13bear the children but he learned that
48:15his job was to go to war to protect the
48:18children
48:18that your mom bore with a great grandma
48:21bore
48:21so his life was at risk literally
48:25or he learned to work in a coal mine or
48:28oil rig or do whatever he needed to do
48:31to give up the glint in his eye and do
48:34what
48:35was what was not power what is the
48:37definition of power
48:38the definition of power is having the
48:41glint in your eye
48:42that's powerful that's what life's about
48:46that's happiness that's power
48:50feeling feeling able to control your own
48:53life is power
48:54not feeling obligated to earn money that
48:56somebody else spends while you die
48:58sooner
49:00men have largely learned to define power
49:02as feeling obligated
49:04to earn money that someone else spends
49:06while they die sooner
49:08and we've sold that to men as power
49:12and the most intelligent some of the
49:13most intelligent women in the united
49:15states
49:16both call that power but if i try to
49:19run a women's workshop and say i want to
49:21teach all of you to be more empowered
49:23i'm going to teach you how to feel
49:24obligated to earn money somebody else
49:26will spend while you die a suitor
49:28the women would be intelligent enough to
49:29kick me out of that workshop before i
49:31started
49:31that's all right
49:35and what what i started to learn as i
49:37began to look into
49:39the dad's glint in his eye is that both
49:42our moms and dads forfeited
49:46many many things in their life so that
49:49brendan could have long hair
49:51so that so that we could all have a
49:54chance to come to places like the noetic
49:56institute
49:57that our grandparents couldn't even
49:58imagine coming to i teach in eslin
50:01where there's just enormous privilege
50:03and a lot of entitlement
50:05and a great deal of enlightenment also
50:07but almost none of our grandfathers
50:09would have had four grandmothers would
50:12have had the option
50:13of being able to go to a place like that
50:15and so i just
50:16bless the the the
50:20the devotion of our parents to create
50:22options
50:23for us that we never that they never had
50:25for themselves
50:26and what we really should be doing i
50:28believe is appreciating the
50:30contributions that both
50:31men and women have made not having a
50:34women's movement blaming men or a men's
50:36movement blaming women but a gender
50:37liberation movement
50:39freeing us liberating ourselves from the
50:41restrictive roles of the past
50:42and creating more options and
50:46flexible roles for our future thank you
51:00[Laughter]
51:04love to ask you to sort of ask questions
51:06and or make comments but
51:08before you do just say your name so we
51:10can speak to you
51:11more as people rather than just lecture
51:13object does it say your name
51:14my name is
51:24david said gonna sound like a dick
51:27suppose david said i'm probably gonna
51:29sound like a
51:33we talk about people screwing up and say
51:36they're around
51:38suppose we said their vagina around
51:40around
51:41and we just we just so naturally
51:44incorporate today
51:46negative words that's that are about
51:49that have
51:49male identities as as a description
51:52of what screwing up is about
51:56and so um sorry sorry you're probably
51:58going to sound like a cop
52:07so what gives me a glind in my eye is
52:09critical thought
52:10one of the things and i am a lawyer so i
52:13am a sort of
52:15i like to push back on things and i
52:18definitely think you know sometimes i
52:20sometimes i'm an and i find that
52:23an for some reason there's a
52:25male
52:25you don't really call women but
52:28anyway
52:30uh
52:33i was originally uh wanting to say like
52:36wow
52:36so when when uh the first presenter i
52:39forgot her name but i also saw it in
52:40your film
52:41which by the way i'm totally with not
52:44totally i'm like
52:4575 with both of you and enjoy you both
52:49very much
52:50uh he's 29
52:52[Music]
52:54he's got 15 minutes sometimes i'm like
52:56where is the critical thinking here like
52:59who
53:00lives according to the glint of their
53:02eye and what does that have to do with
53:04patriarchy i was going to talk about the
53:06statistics because i thought some of the
53:08statistics he said you know when they
53:09say like
53:10lies down lies and statistics i thought
53:13some of the statistics
53:14you said in the film and in this talk
53:16are more misleading
53:17than damn lies even though there's some
53:20truth and i
53:21wish i you know could had enough time to
53:24get to that but then
53:25what you presented i was just like
53:27really no one's saying how absurd this
53:29is nobody lives i don't have kids
53:33my wife doesn't have kids nobody lives
53:36with a glint in their eye we
53:37you're right we have to survive and as
53:40soon as you're an adult or as soon as
53:41you're
53:42not a child you don't live with a
53:44clinton uriah and in fact if we lived
53:46with a clinton right
53:48a hundred percent of the time we
53:49wouldn't have a clinton right about it
53:51anymore because it would be like a fish
53:53in water
53:54uh but what does that have to do with
53:57patriarchy
53:58whether you're a man or a woman you have
54:01you don't live with a glint in your eye
54:04and it doesn't defeat the point of
54:07that the fact that there is patriarchy
54:09just because that's true
54:11um and that's you're redefining power in
54:14a way that
54:15nobody does so if i say you're basically
54:18saying happiness is power
54:19and i i don't i think men have more
54:22economic ability
54:24to sometimes pursue that clinton in
54:26their eye
54:27sometimes but not always the uh excuse
54:30me
54:31what i'll do after each question is ask
54:32one or two people to make comments and
54:34then i'll add my perspective and ask
54:36cassie if she wants to have
54:42it's generally universally accepted but
54:45the definition of power
54:47is the ability to do work
54:50okay this is this is the the physical
54:53definition of it in terms of physics
54:56that's one definition i don't think
54:59that's the definition he's talking about
55:01certainly it is he's saying it's a it's
55:02power to provide ability to get a glitch
55:11so the word that i heard was patriarchy
55:14and to me a patriarch is someone who
55:17takes care of their family
55:19a man who takes care of his family so
55:22a matriarch and a patriarch are
55:26the same thing they're both wanting to
55:28take care of their family
55:29so david as you're listening try to do
55:32what cassie was talking about just sort
55:34of
55:35not think of your argument as as we are
55:37trained to do as we're more attorneys
55:39because no attorney is able to support
55:41his or her family if they are
55:43very empathetic to the argument that
55:45their is giving
55:47that's one of the reasons why there's an
55:48inverse relationship between happiness
55:50at home and happiness in an attorney's
55:53job and so i'll be asking that
55:55sort of really focus on roy and dean and
55:58the other people that will make comments
55:59in myself
56:00without just sort of arguing it as
56:02you're doing it okay
56:04so why did you finish what you were
56:05saying
56:07i believe that patriarchy is a false
56:09narrative like another
56:10way to blame and make someone wrong
56:14yes i
56:28say your name again rich rich i invite
56:31you to be open to the possibility that
56:33some people do live
56:35with the glitch in their eyes we are the
56:42guests
56:47but we are you are a guest of someone
56:49here tonight
56:51mr sergio lou who
56:55exalts the notion of living your passion
56:58he's an incredible manifestation of that
57:01and his influence on me
57:03when i met him 20 years ago was to get
57:06beyond my lawyering
57:08and my sense of what it takes to be a
57:10human
57:12and to live my passion and i more than
57:15anybody i know except for maybe some
57:17celebrities
57:18or some athletes who are the epitome of
57:21success in this culture
57:23i have more freedom than i know anybody
57:26and i live in my car for 42 years
57:28intentionally home free
57:30okay in a mode that people can't even
57:32begin to comprehend
57:34okay so i invite you to be open to the
57:36possibility
57:37that male female patriarch matriarch
57:39lawyer
57:40schmoyer that some people are capable of
57:43doing that
57:44and if you'd like to talk with us how i
57:46achieved that i'd be glad to share with
57:48you
57:48but basically i invite you to be open to
57:50the possibility that your
57:52premise is wrong um
57:55something and then cassie i know okay
57:58i'll make this
57:59quick um for me
58:02let's see it was last june i got to go
58:06to uc irvine and watch my youngest
58:08daughter
58:09graduate and one of the questions
58:12they asked during that graduation
58:16is i'd like for all the students
58:19who is the only kid in the family to
58:23ever
58:23graduate with a four-year degree to
58:26raise your hand
58:28and my daughter got to raise her hand
58:30that's one of the few times i've ever
58:32cried
58:33in my life my mother's death
58:36and my daughter getting to raise her
58:38hand for that
58:40power it comes from what you want to do
58:44for yourself responsibility
58:47comes for what you have to do for
58:49society
58:50my power comes from me quitting the job
58:54with that in the life and casualty
58:55way back in the 80s to sail around the
58:58caribbean for six months on a private
59:00sale then
59:01my power now comes from me
59:05headed for my private pilot's license
59:08but i still
59:08have an obligation to society
59:12and to my family but that's different
59:15than the power i get from the things i
59:18do for me
59:19we all have that it's just how you look
59:22at it
59:29jumping off point what was it looking at
59:32patriarchy what is power
59:34how would it like a little bit and i
59:35think saying basically that
59:38that i really um that the glint in
59:41one's eye is not what is realistic and
59:44so
59:44where in the world war are you coming
59:46from um about that and that you know
59:48that
59:49patriarchy is still patriarchy and
59:51saying to somebody
59:52that they have a glint in their eye how
59:54do those two even
59:56go exist together you know what the
59:58are you saying
1:00:00all right well what are they gonna do
1:00:02with these chargers
1:00:03i think something i could add to this uh
1:00:06thought experiment is uh when i first
1:00:09saw you do this workshop
1:00:11there was a youtube video online that i
1:00:13watched during this workshop where we
1:00:15think about
1:00:15what our father's passion was and what
1:00:18he did to provide for the family
1:00:20and i when i first saw that youtube
1:00:23video in 2013 when i started making the
1:00:25redfield movie
1:00:26back when it was a very strong feminist
1:00:28of 10 years
1:00:29i i was very put off by
1:00:32the workshop i don't feel that way now
1:00:34but at that time i was put off
1:00:36because i kept thinking well mothers
1:00:40sacrificed too
1:00:41they had a glimpse that they didn't get
1:00:43to live out because they had children
1:00:45and so i just want to offer that
1:00:49uh you know reflection on on my uh
1:00:52defensiveness back then when i was
1:00:54watching this workshop
1:00:55and now participating in the workshop is
1:00:58fun
1:00:59uh but now i do see it differently that
1:01:03it's not about saying women
1:01:06don't sacrifice for the family or that
1:01:09uh
1:01:10men are the only you know victims of
1:01:12having to provide
1:01:13for the family and leave their dreams
1:01:15behind but it is acknowledging
1:01:17that your father your brother your
1:01:21son even is uh
1:01:24may be sacrificing for the family that
1:01:26they're planning to have or do have
1:01:28and uh and they work hard at it and you
1:01:31know something that
1:01:32i also really had to humble myself to
1:01:35admit
1:01:36during making the red pill was how much
1:01:38my father
1:01:39and my now fiance supported me pursuing
1:01:42the clinton my eye which is filmmaking
1:01:45and i none of my
1:01:49my life's passion career would be
1:01:51possible without
1:01:52my father and my fiance keep forgetting
1:01:55beyonce boyfriend
1:02:01so you know i think we really have to
1:02:05appreciate people like that who
1:02:07sacrifice and my mom as well my mom's my
1:02:09best friend
1:02:10obviously i think that should go without
1:02:12saying that i will say it
1:02:13she has sacrificed so much for me and my
1:02:15three sisters
1:02:17so i think we just all need to
1:02:19appreciate each other
1:02:20absolutely yes
1:02:25so what i'm saying now if i were to be
1:02:27in charge of
1:02:29what i would call a gender liberation
1:02:30movement and start this all from the
1:02:32beginning before
1:02:33we had the national organization for
1:02:34women and so on that would be asking us
1:02:37to look at
1:02:38you know what are the enormous amounts
1:02:40of sacrifices that both our moms and
1:02:42dads made
1:02:44i wouldn't create words like patriarchy
1:02:46with a negative connotation to them
1:02:48that ended up becoming sort of a way of
1:02:51blaming men
1:02:52and then saying that
1:02:55everything that that we
1:02:58that women can ask for pretty much
1:03:02anything that they want because it's a
1:03:04system that's stacked against them
1:03:06to to understand this the sacrifices
1:03:09that our moms
1:03:10and dads made so that the next
1:03:13generation would have a better life
1:03:14is to understand that both sexes made
1:03:17sacrifices
1:03:18and therefore words like patriarchy or
1:03:21matriarchy
1:03:22are really words that are not applicable
1:03:26to the process that our mothers and
1:03:28fathers went through what our mothers
1:03:30and fathers went through
1:03:32was a process of forfeiting the glint in
1:03:34their eye
1:03:35to be able to make our lives better so
1:03:38that at graduation
1:03:40tillman could get the glint in his eye
1:03:42once again when his daughter graduated
1:03:44and so it was the transfer of glint in
1:03:47the eye
1:03:48from um from doing the sacrifice and
1:03:51serving um so that your children could
1:03:54serve
1:03:55well again and a child who
1:03:58then took advantage of what you offered
1:04:00and fulfilled it and made his or her
1:04:02life better
1:04:03that's what created the new glint in the
1:04:05eye and that's what i want
1:04:07everyone to understand about everyone
1:04:11not just one gender to pose in the with
1:04:13the other you had your hand raised both
1:04:15before
1:04:15and next tell us your name again
1:04:20um the
1:04:25most of us are not
1:04:28from multi-millionaires
1:04:32when you get up in the upper
1:04:35class you don't necessarily
1:04:38have to set your blind aside
1:04:42that's right you can work
1:04:45part of the time yes and make millions
1:04:49and then go to the golf course or on
1:04:52your
1:04:52boat or whatever you want and go travel
1:04:56and see every wonderful
1:04:59thing there is to see in the world
1:05:04my father was a chemist and he worked
1:05:07hard he was
1:05:08from switzerland and had a whole
1:05:10different
1:05:13look at america but
1:05:18he put his aside to raise four girls
1:05:22and two and he did a great job of it
1:05:27but i think about all the people who
1:05:30come from
1:05:32less fortunate than i was just middle
1:05:36class
1:05:37and those blinds
1:05:41were smaller and smaller i think
1:05:44absolutely
1:05:45and i think it's an important thing to
1:05:47keep in mind because
1:05:49in america money
1:05:53is so
1:05:56important and
1:06:00now that we live in california and
1:06:03it's getting more and more and more
1:06:06important
1:06:06and how does someone keep that blind
1:06:10in their eyes and so i think
1:06:14i'm i'm feeling like it's
1:06:18secondary yes
1:06:21let's let's work with that for a moment
1:06:23let's work on the class issue here
1:06:24um the when men
1:06:29who who started the women's movement was
1:06:31it poor women middle class women
1:06:33and or middle and upper class upper
1:06:34class women c.i.a
1:06:40another way of approaching this right
1:06:44was it was it poor
1:06:47yes educated women who were usually
1:06:49middle upper middle class
1:06:50and usually a good percentage of them
1:06:53were married were they married to poor
1:06:54men
1:06:55um who they had to support or they
1:06:56married usually to middle class or upper
1:06:59middle-class men
1:07:01you think about it another little thing
1:07:05to add
1:07:06you know the guys who women and men who
1:07:10keep the glint in their eyes like
1:07:11artists and
1:07:13musicians and some of them star for a
1:07:17portion of your life
1:07:18in order to keep that place there's a
1:07:22reason we call
1:07:22artists starving artists yeah um and
1:07:25because
1:07:26the more fulfilling the occupation the
1:07:29less it pays as a rule
1:07:31and the reason the more fulfilling the
1:07:33occupation the less it pays is because
1:07:35we tend
1:07:35to need somebody to pick up our garbage
1:07:37at three in the morning and so we may
1:07:39pay them enough to be able to be willing
1:07:41to do that
1:07:42more than we need an art historian and
1:07:44so when you graduate from an art with an
1:07:46art history degree or a french
1:07:48literature in the 18th century degree
1:07:50the chances of you making as much of a
1:07:52living as much as it may fulfill you
1:07:54are not as great as even if you're a
1:07:55less educated um
1:07:57um sort of garbage collector and so
1:08:00the and then let's go let's segue that
1:08:03into the
1:08:04to the feminist movements um a good
1:08:06percentage of the people that were on
1:08:08the board of now with me and
1:08:09the leading feminists across the country
1:08:12many of them who were married
1:08:13those are then those who were straight
1:08:17uh and that was most but um that's not
1:08:20at all a negative but the ones that were
1:08:22straight were usually married to men
1:08:24who earned a significant amount of money
1:08:26that freed them
1:08:27to be able to ask questions and to
1:08:29pursue the glint in their eye
1:08:31here was the problem as they pursued the
1:08:34grint in their eye
1:08:35and they grew as a human being and
1:08:37spiritually
1:08:38they became very dissatisfied with the
1:08:41lack of communication that they had with
1:08:43their husbands
1:08:44who were often focused on what they
1:08:45needed to do because the qualities it
1:08:47takes to succeed at work
1:08:49are in tension with the qualities it
1:08:51takes to succeed in love
1:08:53and so these women came back they went
1:08:55to the psychologist and said
1:08:56your husband should be able to
1:08:57communicate more openly and vulnerably
1:08:59and express his feelings and so on was a
1:09:01psychologist right yes he was right or
1:09:03she was right
1:09:04but the mother the woman often became
1:09:06dissatisfied
1:09:08with these men that had created the
1:09:10freedom that allowed them to become
1:09:12dissatisfied with them
1:09:14and so that led to a large number of
1:09:15divorces when the divorces occurred
1:09:18then the chip then then oftentimes the
1:09:20women got the children
1:09:22and the men um were often times deep
1:09:26and the children grew up dad deprived
1:09:28when the children who grew up dad
1:09:29deprived
1:09:30had major major problems they were
1:09:32psychologically less healthy
1:09:34physically less healthy academically
1:09:36they did much worse in almost all the
1:09:37areas
1:09:38they're more likely to be depressed
1:09:40commit suicide create crimes
1:09:42and a whole series of other problems
1:09:44that led to the next generation becoming
1:09:46often a failure launch
1:09:47especially if they were boys
1:09:50because boys do much worse with broken
1:09:52families than girls do
1:09:54although both do very badly and so this
1:09:57was the type of dynamic
1:09:58that we are not looking at because we're
1:10:01so preoccupied
1:10:02with men having privilege and power
1:10:04rather than saying
1:10:05here is a dynamic that happened that
1:10:08we're all
1:10:08part of and we have to get we have to
1:10:12work our way around that and one of the
1:10:14ways we have to work our way around that
1:10:15is to get fathers more involved with the
1:10:18family
1:10:18we have this enormous reason we had this
1:10:20enormous resource
1:10:21before the women's movement of all these
1:10:23brilliant and talented
1:10:24talented women who we weren't using in
1:10:26the corporations well now we have this
1:10:29enormous resource of a lot of potential
1:10:31dads who are yearning to beat
1:10:33us fighting to be dads legally suing to
1:10:35be does and we're not making use of them
1:10:38and our boys especially but our girls
1:10:39and our boys are suffering enormously
1:10:42as a result of not having that type of
1:10:44father involvement guidance
1:10:46why are we not focused on that because
1:10:49to a large degree feminists don't want
1:10:50to focus on
1:10:52children having more father involvement
1:10:54because that sounds like
1:10:55father's rights which sounds like
1:10:57something against women and feminism
1:10:59it's not against women and feminism it
1:11:01frees women and fem
1:11:03and feminists to be able to focus more
1:11:05on having a balanced life themselves
1:11:08and so that that's that's the zero-sum
1:11:11game mentality
1:11:12that we've developed over the last 30
1:11:13years has hurt all of us
1:11:15and needs to change and we need the
1:11:17leaders and people like this in this
1:11:19room
1:11:19which is one of the reasons i agree to
1:11:20speak here because this is a thoughtful
1:11:23group
1:11:23that is thought that is willing to think
1:11:25out of the box and for the most part has
1:11:26the courage
1:11:27to take leadership positions in relation
1:11:29to this and thank you sergeant for the
1:11:31for creating oh actually i think our
1:11:41time is up you know
1:11:42well um
1:11:47i don't have much to say um well just
1:11:49thank you so much for all
1:11:51coming today i however you heard about
1:11:53this event
1:11:54thank you for showing up before you stop
1:11:57i want to ask
1:11:58um cassie has revealed a great deal
1:12:00about the process of making films
1:12:02um and i've i've occupied this last part
1:12:05here
1:12:05is are there any of you that have
1:12:06questions for cassie's filmmaking
1:12:08process because i think that would be
1:12:10for me that would be fascinating i don't
1:12:13have a
1:12:13question but i have a statement which is
1:12:17to really honor your process and the
1:12:20transparency with which you reveal
1:12:25your own courage and vulnerability i
1:12:28just
1:12:28i want to honor them
1:12:42[Applause]
1:12:45and this is what actually helps
1:12:49transform the narrative
1:12:52so thank you so much i really appreciate
1:12:54that
1:12:56yeah i just want to add to that i
1:12:59watching your movie the red pill
1:13:02uh you articulated something for me i
1:13:05was feeling
1:13:06that i wasn't able to yet articulate for
1:13:09myself
1:13:10and i think i actually warned i wouldn't
1:13:12have necessarily connected
1:13:13with you because i was shut down to the
1:13:16articulation of it was only
1:13:19i could only i think at this point in
1:13:21time only you could articulate
1:13:23that that way versus for example man
1:13:26wouldn't necessarily
1:13:27be as effective as articulating it so i
1:13:29just want to acknowledge
1:13:30you and say thank you for articulating
1:13:33something i was feeling but not
1:13:35yet able to speak and i think you've
1:13:37opened the door to a larger conversation
1:13:38that we're
1:13:39having here today and other places i'm
1:13:43[Applause]
1:13:44sure
1:13:48i'd just like to say cassie with the red
1:13:51pill
1:13:51if you are if you don't know who esther
1:13:54velar is
1:13:56and aaron you have to look those two
1:13:59women up
1:14:00she has now moved herself into a very
1:14:04nice group of people because
1:14:07those two women look at things
1:14:10that connect genders than how we
1:14:15become our own worst enemies and so
1:14:19coming up with the red pill because i
1:14:22watched that documentary
1:14:24and i thought back to what establar said
1:14:27in the in the manipulated man
1:14:30and the work that aaron pitsy did
1:14:33with shelters for women and then what
1:14:35happened to her
1:14:37when she started talking about men's
1:14:40issues
1:14:42she's like the phoenix rising out of the
1:14:44fire now
1:14:45thank you
1:14:49did you repeat the names of the two
1:14:51people yeah could you
1:14:52did you repeat the name yes esther
1:14:54ballard
1:14:55it's just e-s-t-h-e-r-v-i-l-l-a-r
1:15:00and aaron is e-r-i-n and i think our
1:15:03last name is spelled p-i-z-z-z
1:15:05he won why yeah aaron sagan p-i-z
1:15:16do you have another film on the drawing
1:15:18board
1:15:19great question i wish i knew the answer
1:15:24i don't know are you gonna keep making
1:15:25films i want to yes
1:15:27and i'm open to any topic no matter how
1:15:31controversial it is
1:15:32because when when i was making the red
1:15:34pill i had
1:15:35an award or an oscar winning producer of
1:15:38documentaries tell me
1:15:39you're making the film i wish i could
1:15:41make but it would be career suicide
1:15:43so now i feel like i have nothing to
1:15:44lose
1:15:47i'm fearless in documentary filmmaking
1:15:49because i've already done career suicide
1:15:51but uh
1:15:52if any guy tried to make your movie it
1:15:53would have been suicide
1:15:55yeah do you crowdsource your funding how
1:15:58can we help you in that regard oh
1:15:59thank you i i don't know yet how we'll
1:16:02do it maybe a crowdfunding campaign
1:16:04again
1:16:06yeah just like the red pill was done and
1:16:08and that was great because
1:16:09i got to keep full period of control
1:16:12where the film was
1:16:13approximately for the red pills yeah it
1:16:15was about 250
1:16:17thousand yeah
1:16:21from some of your bio
1:16:24on the web page that i looked at
1:16:27if i recall correctly you mentioned one
1:16:30or
1:16:31one of the films was both very
1:16:34provocative and evocative and he
1:16:36received
1:16:38quite a mixture of responses some of
1:16:40which sounded
1:16:42pretty rough
1:16:47knowing some other in my
1:16:50world some other uh filmmakers who are
1:16:53doing
1:16:54important work such as you they've also
1:16:56incurred
1:16:58some of that treatment and uh it took
1:17:02them differing periods of time
1:17:04and different ways to weather that storm
1:17:06and
1:17:07remain undaunted you seem to have done
1:17:10well in that way and you seem to be
1:17:13undaunted is that true
1:17:16i have the strongest support system
1:17:18around me i just a few
1:17:20really close you know family friends
1:17:22that get me through it all and i
1:17:24i feel like if you know the rest of the
1:17:26world hates me i have
1:17:28five or ten like core people that are my
1:17:30world so
1:17:31that's what got me through everything uh
1:17:33but yeah it has been a difficult road
1:17:35and
1:17:35just last night we had a screening at
1:17:37the university of sydney where there was
1:17:39a protest against the film
1:17:40and at least one person was arrested
1:17:43apparently violence broke out i don't
1:17:45know more than that
1:17:46but and i'm going to australia in a
1:17:49couple weeks
1:17:50and i've never been there before and um
1:17:52is that is that for the honey badger
1:17:55no it wasn't with honey badgers it was
1:17:57just a student group that wanted to
1:17:59screen the film on university of sydney
1:18:00campus
1:18:01and uh that wanted to screen the film on
1:18:04on the campus university of sydney and
1:18:07most of our controversy
1:18:08has been or bannings or petitions
1:18:11censorship has been in australia the uk
1:18:13and canada wow
1:18:15um so the u.s has been a little quieter
1:18:18well thanks for your courage and more
1:18:24importantly
1:18:382008 and you know you said something
1:18:41earlier warren about how things changed
1:18:43about 30 years ago
1:18:45and i just want to say to you that the
1:18:47business that i got
1:18:48into and the business i left were
1:18:51completely
1:18:52different and the films they're making
1:18:54and particularly i have a 10 year old
1:18:56daughter
1:18:57particularly the way young women act and
1:19:00and the the scripts and just the hyper
1:19:02sexualization and
1:19:04insanity that they're showing to these
1:19:07the kids my daughter's age
1:19:10i'm just so happy that there's someone
1:19:12you know you're a very attractive
1:19:14articulate intelligent young woman and
1:19:17you doing this film and i know you think
1:19:19it's career suicide
1:19:21things are turning you know i know you
1:19:23know stephan mullen you and
1:19:24mike cernovich who i know and their
1:19:27colleagues of mine
1:19:28things are changing things are turning
1:19:31and
1:19:31people are realizing that you know men
1:19:34and women can live together but it
1:19:36doesn't have to be as insane as it is
1:19:38now and and
1:19:39hollywood and the media
1:19:43are such a big part of pushing that
1:19:45insanity it's people like you that are
1:19:46turning it around and thanks for your
1:19:48courage
1:19:57well trying to every brief what i
1:20:00started to say earlier i wanted to
1:20:01clarify because it sounded like i was
1:20:03saying
1:20:04very beginning like reverting things
1:20:06like all women
1:20:07are liars or bad and that's not at all
1:20:09what i meant only mentalism the paradigm
1:20:12the feminist paradigm which
1:20:15in my experience in my field of work and
1:20:19what i've experienced so far in my life
1:20:20anyway in 46 years
1:20:22there's a whole lot of this thing of
1:20:24like the whole even the thing about
1:20:26abuse and rape always believe women
1:20:30it's horrible if anybody is abused as
1:20:31far as i'm concerned if anybody violates
1:20:33a clearly stated boundary
1:20:34that's incredibly screwed up since it's
1:20:37not
1:20:38humane but when any whether you whether
1:20:41it's a
1:20:43person a certain gender or ethnicity if
1:20:45you give somebody the power
1:20:47the moral authority to be believed
1:20:52some people can actually ingrain that to
1:20:54the point where they actually think
1:20:55they're a victim when they're not
1:20:57and there are also unfortunately a lot
1:20:59who will abuse that power
1:21:01and they do it and i can hear it happens
1:21:03a lot more than
1:21:05i think most people realize that there
1:21:07are a lot of it's just a fact this is
1:21:09not me saying women are bad men are
1:21:10great
1:21:11there are a lot of men who do bad who
1:21:13don't are not that conscious either
1:21:15there are also a lot of women who will
1:21:17manipulate that
1:21:19women who also are very popular and in
1:21:21places of power who will
1:21:22consciously do things because they want
1:21:24a certain experience but they don't want
1:21:26to be responsible for it
1:21:28they don't want to be held candled or
1:21:29seen by societies having done that
1:21:32and they'll turn around and say oh no i
1:21:33didn't do that oh i was
1:21:35i was abused or i was violated or
1:21:38they'll just gossip and they can just
1:21:39they destroy men's lives
1:21:43good men men who actually if we even if
1:21:45we are open
1:21:46we're doing it because we trust and we
1:21:48care or we did nothing
1:21:50and it happens a lot more than people
1:21:53think
1:21:53i think this is one of the hugest things
1:21:55like the open honest i think this
1:21:57those of you kind of mentioned that and
1:22:00i totally agree
1:22:01i think more than anything else more
1:22:02than sex more than money more
1:22:04power honesty in my opinion is the most
1:22:07fulfilling healthy loving thing anybody
1:22:09can do
1:22:11just open communication two ways not
1:22:14talking at people or not talking about
1:22:16gossiping about people
1:22:17talking openly to understand people it's
1:22:20the
1:22:21most important thing and
1:22:24you know we divide it by gender because
1:22:27we have certain
1:22:28it's like male generally speaking we
1:22:30have a young
1:22:31energy we tend to be when we abuse power
1:22:34generally speaking
1:22:36it tends to be more aggressive more
1:22:37certain more obvious or versatile
1:22:39what's often ignored is that women too
1:22:41have power it's the end
1:22:43it's covert it's by playing the victim
1:22:45in a society
1:22:46chivalry what is chivalry putting
1:22:49women's feelings and lives first no
1:22:52that's not across the board
1:22:53but generally speaking that's still what
1:22:56often happens
1:22:59anytime you put another human up above
1:23:01or below
1:23:02we're no longer in truth it's just we're
1:23:04not seeing clearly we're not relating
1:23:06clearly we don't care we don't love
1:23:08anymore
1:23:09and that's take a big breath
1:23:12and come back to the center and say okay
1:23:15we're all souls
1:23:16whether we believe in reincarnation or
1:23:18not right now
1:23:20we're all of the same soul at an essence
1:23:23level
1:23:24can we let go of all our political
1:23:25agendas or ideologies or associations
1:23:28treat each other with same respect and
1:23:30open honesty
1:23:31the problem is or the challenge is that
1:23:33when we're fully honest we have to admit
1:23:35where none of us are perfect
1:23:36and we've done things and we also live
1:23:38in a very repressive society it shames a
1:23:40lot of things that are completely and
1:23:41utterly natural
1:23:42and a lot of us are wrapped up in that
1:23:44whether it's religion or whether it's
1:23:46political ideology or
1:23:47just their own agenda okay anyways
1:23:50i just meant to say i wasn't what
1:23:52meaning to say that women are bad and
1:23:54integrate
1:23:55it just that's all thank you
1:24:05well i'd like to free flow here for a
1:24:08second i've been thinking a lot about
1:24:10the power the detriment of labels
1:24:13and how i thought men's rights activists
1:24:17were my enemy because i was a feminist
1:24:19and i thought men's rights activists
1:24:20were the enemy of feminists
1:24:22and something that i just realized is
1:24:24when you all introduced who you were
1:24:26i don't recall anyone saying i'm a
1:24:29feminist
1:24:30men's rights activist i don't recall
1:24:31anyone saying i'm a democrat or a
1:24:33liberal or republican conservative
1:24:35and i love that that we're here looking
1:24:38and hearing each other as people as
1:24:41individuals
1:24:42hello my name is cassie that's my label
1:24:45just call me cassie
1:24:47and i think that's where we need to be
1:24:50headed
1:24:51and the nuance in that is where
1:24:54unity grows rather than this black and
1:24:57white
1:24:58you're wrong i'm right war
1:25:02so i haven't completely thought through
1:25:05my views on labels but i think there's
1:25:06something important there and we need to
1:25:08start moving towards
1:25:10a label-less uh being in community
1:25:13i think also the labels that have
1:25:15attachments of self-righteousness to
1:25:17them so when
1:25:18those of us on the left call ourselves
1:25:20progressive
1:25:21just think of how conservative listening
1:25:23to us feels about that
1:25:25you're implying that everything i do and
1:25:27say is not progressive
1:25:28and that you have the answer to when
1:25:30it's progressive we usually don't know
1:25:31what's really progressive until 20 30 50
1:25:34years later
1:25:35and even then we have a little bit of
1:25:37doubts and arguments about what is
1:25:39progressive conversely if you're a
1:25:40conservative and you say well you know
1:25:42i'm patriotic i oppose this
1:25:44you know i'm in favor of this war and i
1:25:46would always have well who are you to
1:25:48say
1:25:49that you have a lock on patriotism you
1:25:52aren't the people who oppose the vietnam
1:25:53war or one word
1:25:54after the other are they also people who
1:25:57have a lot of patriotism and
1:25:59who want the best for their country and
1:26:00so i think what what
1:26:02where where i see cassie going with this
1:26:04is when you start
1:26:06where to ask you different and to ask a
1:26:07different question which is
1:26:10what is your best intent what do you
1:26:12want what is your hope what is your
1:26:14dream
1:26:15almost always and how did you learn from
1:26:17your family
1:26:18or from your environment what would
1:26:20create that outcome
1:26:22when you start from those types of
1:26:24approaches
1:26:26you hear that almost everybody is on the
1:26:28same
1:26:29page the page of wanting to do the best
1:26:31they possibly can
1:26:32within the framework of what they know
1:26:34uh what they've learned
1:26:36is that and that that's the beginning of
1:26:38the open mind
1:26:40thank you
1:26:48i know we're time constrained but would
1:26:50either of you be willing to address
1:26:53your sense of the impact of technology
1:26:55on this whole conversation
1:26:56to the extent that the whole notion of
1:26:59gender we're all victims
1:27:01modernity is so incredibly
1:27:04oppressive at the level of the success
1:27:06of technology
1:27:08that's my presumption here but it just
1:27:10makes us
1:27:11that's why we all feel sorry for
1:27:13ourselves and we're all loggerheads you
1:27:14know we know we're
1:27:15we're abused and then you know we yes
1:27:17but we're both right
1:27:19that's the point and a lot of that has
1:27:21to do with the impact of technology so i
1:27:23know everybody wants to go home
1:27:24but if you indulge me i i think i i
1:27:28won't because of the time okay
1:27:30um but cassie if you want to do that
1:27:32maybe that's something we should all
1:27:33think about as we go home
1:27:35i think that's a big topic but i love it
1:27:37but it's such a
1:27:38powerful topic that i can spend the next
1:27:4020 hours
1:27:43i know that cassie has some dvds
1:27:46available in the back room i will
1:27:50give a discounted rate of ten dollars if
1:27:51you want to walk home with one
1:27:53i have my three films that i do the
1:27:55right to love and the red pill
1:27:56available but limited copies so get them
1:27:59faster if you want them
1:28:00and some of the things one of the things
1:28:02that people really respond very well to
1:28:04is the myth of male power in a cd form
1:28:07where i had i took i took the highlights
1:28:09of the entire book had somebody asked me
1:28:11questions about it so it's like talking
1:28:13to me at a party
1:28:14with my best answers eliminating my
1:28:16worst answers
1:28:18and so if you're at all interested in
1:28:21taking this
1:28:22issue to people who were where cassie
1:28:24was at
1:28:25um you know at the beginning of this
1:28:27process that's really the best device i
1:28:30would say
1:28:31for for that process if anything that
1:28:33you buy over there
1:28:34um with my wife and i um working it with
1:28:36it if it doesn't work for you just send
1:28:38it back to me
1:28:39and my address is on that little piece
1:28:41of paper
1:28:42and i will be more than sad to return
1:28:44your money
1:28:46[Laughter]
1:28:50thank you so much for coming thank you

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