Use Words Like This To Make Anyone Respect you — Transcript

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1. 0:00If you want to be instantly [music]
2. 0:01respected by anyone, it comes down to
3. 0:04just one thing. As a copywriter working
4. 0:06with brands like Shopify and Canva, I
5. 0:09have used words my entire career, and
6. 0:11I've learned [music] that respect starts
7. 0:13with how you communicate. So, these are
8. 0:15the seven [music] strategies you need to
9. 0:17command respect in any room you walk
10. 0:19into. Strategy number one, the
11. 0:21challengers paradox. I discovered this
12. 0:23while watching recordings [music] of
13. 0:25sales calls for a client's project.
14. 0:27their star salesperson was just closing
15. 0:30enterprise deals with CTO's from big
16. 0:32[music] companies. Now, something
17. 0:34fascinating was happening. These CTO's
18. 0:36want to hire her to run their
19. 0:39engineering teams. [music] That's how
20. 0:41good she was. Here's the thing, though.
21. 0:43She wasn't impressive because she had
22. 0:45all the answers. She was impressive
23. 0:47because she [music] asked questions that
24. 0:49made these technical leaders reconsider
25. 0:51their entire approach. She'd lean in
26. 0:54[music] and ask things like, "But what
27. 0:55happens when your traffic triples
28. 0:57overnight?" Or, "Have you considered
29. 0:59what that architecture means for your
30. 1:01talent acquisition?" Those were
31. 1:02challenger sale questions [music] that
32. 1:04positioned her as the strategic thinker
33. 1:06in the room. The other salespeople were
34. 1:09trying to, you know, make prospects
35. 1:11[music] understand, but she saw them.
36. 1:14She saw their whole world. And in doing
37. 1:17so, she made them feel understood. Now,
38. 1:20this is actually especially crucial for
39. 1:22women and younger professionals who face
40. 1:25automatic [music] authority
41. 1:26disadvantages. Questions level the
42. 1:29field. A brilliant question from a
43. 1:3125-year-old carries the same weight as
44. 1:33[music] one from a CEO. To apply this,
45. 1:35you need to master three types of
46. 1:37authority questions. First, [music]
47. 1:39implication questions. What happens when
48. 1:41your top developer leaves? This forces
49. 1:43them to confront unconsidered risks.
50. 1:46Second, reframe questions. Have [music]
51. 1:48you considered this is a talent problem
52. 1:50not a tech problem? This demonstrates
53. 1:52higher [music] level thinking. Third is
54. 1:55assumption questions. Why do you believe
55. 1:57customers want more features? This
56. 1:58reveals shallow thinking without [music]
57. 2:00attacking. The formula is to listen for
58. 2:03their core assumption. Ask what happens
59. 2:05when that assumption [music] breaks. Let
60. 2:07them discover the flaw. Then position
61. 2:10your expertise [music] as the solution.
62. 2:12Strategy number two is crucial for
63. 2:14anyone who sells or negotiates. Frame
64. 2:18control. A [music] client I worked with
65. 2:20once started a call with. We'd like to
66. 2:22talk about the price. That's a frame
67. 2:24where I'm defending my value. Instead of
68. 2:27accepting it, I reframed. [music]
69. 2:29Let's discuss whether we're a fit for
70. 2:30each other. My rates do reflect the
71. 2:33clients I choose to work with. Though
72. 2:34serious about transformation, not just
73. 2:36minor [music] improvements. Now,
74. 2:37suddenly the frame wasn't negotiate your
75. 2:40price down, but are you [music]
76. 2:41qualified to work with me? They signed
77. 2:43that day at full rate with no
78. 2:45negotiation. [music] The information
79. 2:47exchanged was identical. It was only the
80. 2:50frame that changed. But there's a way to
81. 2:52make this even more powerful. Research
82. 2:55by I'm going to say this name wrong,
83. 2:56Deepac Malhhatra at Harvard shows that
84. 3:00negotiators who establish the opening
85. 3:02frame achieve 47%
86. 3:05better outcomes than those who respond
87. 3:07to someone else's frame. So the key is
88. 3:10setting the frame first, not reframing
89. 3:13later. Before a client can say you're
90. 3:15too expensive, [music]
91. 3:16open with, "Yeah, I work with clients
92. 3:18who view this as an investment in
93. 3:20transformation." Before they can say,
94. 3:22"Prove yourself," open with, "Let's
95. 3:24explore whether we're a fit. I'm pretty
96. 3:26selective about who I work with," said
97. 3:28nicely. Set your frames early. Pricing
98. 3:30frames, expertise frames, partnership
99. 3:32frames. The goal is to own the frame
100. 3:35before the conversation [music] begins
101. 3:37so you are never on the defense. This is
102. 3:40particularly crucial for consultants and
103. 3:42service providers [music] who are often
104. 3:44framed as vendors rather than advisors.
105. 3:47Frame control shifts you from seller
106. 3:49[music] to selector. When you set the
107. 3:52frame first, you're never scrambling to
108. 3:55reframe. You're simply maintaining the
109. 3:57authority you established from word one.
110. 4:00Strategy number three completely changed
111. 4:02how I negotiate. It's strategic silence.
112. 4:05[music] After telling our price to a
113. 4:07Fortune 500 client, I watched my
114. 4:09colleague [music] sit in silence for
115. 4:12seven full seconds, which is an eternity
116. 4:15in conversation. The client then spoke
117. 4:18first, essentially negotiating against
118. 4:21themselves, and we actually closed about
119. 4:2330% above our initial estimate. [music]
120. 4:26Now, I use this constantly in workshops.
121. 4:28When someone asks a challenging
122. 4:29question, I pause for 3 seconds before
123. 4:32answering. [music] Now, that pause shows
124. 4:34I'm considering their question
125. 4:36seriously, creates anticipation for my
126. 4:38answer, and it demonstrates [music] that
127. 4:40I am so confident, I don't need to rush.
128. 4:43Studies on negotiation show that
129. 4:45extended silence after [music] making an
130. 4:47offer increases acceptance rates by 35%.
131. 4:51The silence creates pressure that
132. 4:53[music] makes the other party want to
133. 4:55resolve the tension, often by accepting
134. 4:58[music] terms. To apply this, master
135. 5:00three types of strategic silence. First,
136. 5:04the pre-response pause. So, you pause
137. 5:07two to three seconds after a question
138. 5:10while [music] maintaining eye contact
139. 5:12and then you respond. Second, the
140. 5:14emphasis [music] pause. This is where
141. 5:16you pause 1 to two seconds before
142. 5:18important points. So, for example, the
143. 5:21key insight is
144. 5:24we're solving the wrong problem. Third,
145. 5:26the power pause. Now this is the 3 to 7
146. 5:29seconds after making an offer, after
147. 5:31delivering maybe difficult feedback or
148. 5:34[music] after asking a strategic
149. 5:35question. You let the other person fill
150. 5:37the silence. That's why if you master
151. 5:40silence, you will master negotiation.
152. 5:43Number four is the fastest shortcut
153. 5:45[music] to sounding like an expert.
154. 5:48Precision as power. Two consultants
155. 5:51pitched the same client. [music]
156. 5:52Consultant A said, "We've helped many
157. 5:55companies improve their performance
158. 5:56significantly." Consultant B said,
159. 5:59"We've helped 47 B2B SAS companies
160. 6:02increase qualified leads [music] by an
161. 6:03average of 34%." And that was within the
162. 6:06first 90 days. Now, guess who got the
163. 6:08contract, obviously, right? But here's
164. 6:10the deeper lesson. Precision [music]
165. 6:12isn't just numbers. It's having specific
166. 6:16named expertise. So, I teach something
167. 6:19called the rule of one. One reader, one
168. 6:21big idea, one promise, one offer. It's a
169. 6:23copywriting principle. I teach that and
170. 6:25one of my students used it to close a
171. 6:28highpaying lead simply by walking them
172. 6:30through the rule of one. So the prospect
173. 6:33was floored because he had suddenly
174. 6:36heard this specific language that he
175. 6:38could grab and use. The specificity
176. 6:40demonstrates that you've measured,
177. 6:42you've tracked, and you've named what
178. 6:44you know. If you don't know the jargon,
179. 6:46it's because you don't know the subject.
180. 6:47Precision [music] demonstrates you've
181. 6:48systematized your knowledge. It's the
182. 6:50difference between someone who's doing
183. 6:52the work and someone who's winging it.
184. 6:54[music] So replace every vague claim
185. 6:56with precision. Instead of we've helped
186. 6:59lots of companies, say we've helped 48
187. 7:02[music] B2B SAS companies. Instead of
188. 7:04significantly improved, say the real
189. 7:06number increased [music] by 34%. And
190. 7:09name your expertise. Don't just say we
191. 7:12improve messaging. Say [music] look, we
192. 7:14apply the rule of one and that helps us
193. 7:16achieve a 34% average lift. When you can
194. 7:19name frameworks like the rule of one,
195. 7:21like the challenger sale, you
196. 7:23demonstrate mastery through your
197. 7:25vocabulary. Strategy number five is one
198. 7:28people hate hearing the authority face.
199. 7:31I've watched brilliant [music] women
200. 7:34undermine their authority by smiling
201. 7:36through entire presentations, especially
202. 7:38on Zoom calls. They're presenting
203. 7:40[music] genius, like groundbreaking
204. 7:42strategies with the expression of
205. 7:44someone offering cookies at [music] a
206. 7:46parent teacher meeting. Now, I learned
207. 7:48to control my own smile after watching
208. 7:50recordings of my own presentations. When
209. 7:52I maintained a neutral, thoughtful
210. 7:55expression, people leaned in. When I
211. 7:57smiled constantly, kind of leaned back.
212. 7:59Now, the content was identical. It was
213. 8:01only the expression that [music]
214. 8:02changed. These micro signals of
215. 8:05authority separate those who lead from
216. 8:07those who follow. Now, this is
217. 8:08particularly [music] crucial for anyone
218. 8:10who maybe looks younger than their age,
219. 8:12for women in a male-dominated field,
220. 8:14[music] or anyone that's facing
221. 8:16basically automatic authority
222. 8:18challenges. This is how you develop
223. 8:20[music] your authority face. You start
224. 8:23with a neutral baseline. So, that's
225. 8:24relaxed jaw, lips together, but not
226. 8:27pursed, eyes engaged but not wide. Think
227. 8:30absorbing important information. Then,
228. 8:33use strategic [music]
229. 8:34animation. So, a micro smile, a little
230. 8:37smile when they get your point, a slight
231. 8:40brow furrow when you're concentrating.
232. 8:42[music]
233. 8:42Never instant smile as default. I
234. 8:45learned this trick in an old book. So,
235. 8:47picture an imaginary bit, like a bit
236. 8:50like a horse bit, I think it's called,
237. 8:52hanging from a doorway that you're
238. 8:53walking through. And as you enter, as
239. 8:56you walk through the doorway, [music]
240. 8:57you bite it to force perfect posture.
241. 8:59So, you picture it hanging and you bite
242. 9:01it. And that [music] forces this perfect
243. 9:03posture. So, your chin is parallel to
244. 9:05the ground, your shoulders are back and
245. 9:07down. Next up is strategy six, and
246. 9:09[music] this one kills more authority
247. 9:11than people realize. It's the certainty
248. 9:14gradient. Here's why. I used to review
249. 9:16copy that [music] started with something
250. 9:18like, I just wanted to reach out to see
251. 9:20if maybe you might be interested in
252. 9:21possibly discussing. [music] By the time
253. 9:23you get to the actual point, you've
254. 9:24signaled 17 times that you don't believe
255. 9:27in your own message. But when we
256. 9:29stripped the unnecessary [music]
257. 9:30words from that same email, conversions
258. 9:32jumped by almost 40%. [music]
259. 9:36Madness. But the real breakthrough came
260. 9:38when we also shortened [music] the
261. 9:39sentences. We solve X problem. You have
262. 9:42X problem. Let's talk. Conversions
263. 9:43[music] jumped another 30%. Remember, in
264. 9:46a world of 8second attention spans
265. 9:48[music] at best, every sentence fights
266. 9:51for survival. So completely remove these
267. 9:54words. just maybe [music] sort of I
268. 9:57think actually really replace I feel
269. 9:59like with I've observed [music]
270. 10:02replace it seems like with the data
271. 10:04shows then [music] use the sentence
272. 10:07strength ladder okay so level one is
273. 10:09strongest revenue increased 47% level
274. 10:13[music] two then add support revenue
275. 10:15increased 47% because we fixed
276. 10:18attribution default to [music] short
277. 10:20certain declarations and the last
278. 10:23strategy is the total package. And if
279. 10:26you don't use it, it can ruin [music]
280. 10:28everything else I've taught you until
281. 10:30now. I once watched a brilliant
282. 10:32strategist [music]
283. 10:33destroy her credibility in real time.
284. 10:36She was presenting [music] this bold
285. 10:38restructuring plan. Her words were
286. 10:40confident, her ideas revolutionary, but
287. 10:43she was hunched over her laptop [music]
288. 10:46speaking from her throat, wearing a
289. 10:48wrinkled shirt and like fidgeting with
290. 10:50her pen the whole time. So after
291. 10:52coaching her on just [music] physical
292. 10:53presence, shoulders back, speaking from
293. 10:55her core, stillness except for
294. 10:57intentional gestures, she presented the
295. 11:00same plan to a different division. And
296. 11:02this time they didn't [music] just
297. 11:03approve it, they asked her to lead the
298. 11:05implementation. Amy Cuy's power [music]
299. 11:08pose research shows that physical
300. 11:10positioning changes both how [music]
301. 11:12others perceive us and our own hormone
302. 11:15levels. Two minutes in an expansive
303. 11:19posture [music]
304. 11:19increases testosterone and decreases
305. 11:22cortisol. So align four channels. First
306. 11:26posture, shoulders back [music] and
307. 11:28down, chest open, chin parallel to the
308. 11:30ground. Second, vocal speaking. Speak
309. 11:33from your chest, not your throat.
310. 11:35[music] Breathe into your belly before
311. 11:37important points. Slow down 20%. Third,
312. 11:42gestural precision. Eliminate fidgeting.
313. 11:44[music] Use intentional gestures only.
314. 11:47Fourth, strategic presence. [music]
315. 11:49Dress one level at least above your
316. 11:52current position. Maintain eye contact.
317. 11:55Take up your full space. Remember, words
318. 11:57are only 7% [music]
319. 11:59of communication. The rest is tone and
320. 12:02body language. When your physical
321. 12:04presence contradicts [music] your verbal
322. 12:06message, the body wins every time. Now
323. 12:08that you know how to command respect
324. 12:10with [music] your communication, you're
325. 12:12about to see why most people still fail
326. 12:15to hold attention [music] even when they
327. 12:17sound confident. Watch this next video
328. 12:19to learn eight neurosciencebacked
329. 12:22[music] storytelling principles that
330. 12:23make your content instantly more
331. 12:26memorable and impossible to ignore.