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Trairi personale 4 - Juliana Liora — Transcript

by Aripi - Wings cu Juliana Liora · 2,797 words · 410 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:01Welcome, everyone. Today we will talk
0:04about what it means to be how you
0:08should be and somehow I also connected
0:15with an idol that I discovered or
0:16visualized better in the last recording
0:18with Marius. On my channel, I named the
0:23podcast Love is a lie. And let's start
0:32with the most common idol. It is that
0:35of being like the rest of the world
0:39which world, what can we say, we know
0:41who it actually belongs to, right? So
0:44there is an idol that almost no one
0:46recognizes as an idol, even though it
0:48is present in our lives since childhood
0:50. It has no face, no statue, no altar,
0:54and it doesn't ask us to kneel before
0:56it. And yet, in its name, people
0:58sacrifice their desires, their freedom,
1:01their joy, and sometimes their entire
1:03existence. This idol bears a very
1:06ordinary name: being like the rest of
1:08the world. An expression so familiar
1:11that we no longer even ask ourselves
1:13what it means. But what is this "rest
1:15of the world" actually? Who established
1:18it? Who decided how a person should
1:21live, when they should get married,
1:23whether they should have children, what
1:25profession they should choose, what
1:27success, respectability, or fulfillment
1:29means, and above all, who is this world
1:32in front of whom we must justify our
1:34existence? If we look closely, we
1:38discover something almost absurd. Each
1:42person looks at the others to find out
1:43how they should live, while the others
1:45are doing the exact same thing.
1:48Everyone watches the other, everyone
1:51judges the other, and everyone fears,
1:53in turn, being judged. An entire
1:57humanity ends up imitating itself
1:58without knowing who set the original
2:00model. But the problem is much deeper
2:05than the simple desire to be accepted.
2:10Because when a child grows up in a
2:12world where the same life models are
2:14constantly presented to them, they no
2:16longer perceive them as possibilities
2:18to choose from. They become the very
2:23definition of normality. They no longer
2:26ask if they want to get married, but
2:28when they will get married. They no
2:30longer ask if they want children, but
2:32when they will have them. They no
2:35longer ask what fulfillment means to
2:37them, but why they haven't yet achieved
2:39the things by which others measure a
2:41successful life. The fundamental
2:44question disappears before a person
2:46even gets to ask it. And here begins
2:50the true captivity, because a person no
2:52longer even knows if their desires
2:54belong to them. They have heard them so
2:58many times, seen them repeated in so
3:00many forms, and received them as truths
3:03from parents, teachers, friends, and
3:05society, that they end up confusing
3:07them with their own will. And when
3:10something different emerges within him,
3:12a calling, a desire, or an inclination
3:15that doesn't fit the collective mold,
3:17the idol’s defense mechanism kicks in
3:19immediately. At first, others try to
3:25bring him back in line; they judge him,
3:27ridicule him, make him feel guilty, and
3:30explain why it's wrong to be different,
3:32but eventually, their intervention is
3:34no longer even needed. The person
3:39learns to police himself. And this is a
3:45perfect manipulation: to get into the
3:47rhythm yourself and dance to the tune
3:49you were once taught. He stifles his
3:54desires before expressing them. He
3:56rejects his impulses before examining
3:58them. He condemns his thoughts before
4:01understanding them. The voices of those
4:04who conditioned him become his own
4:06inner voice. The prison no longer needs
4:09guards. The prisoner has learned to
4:12guard himself. And then the question
4:18arises: how can a man be himself when
4:20he doesn't even know who he is beyond
4:22all these conditionings? He is told to
4:26be authentic, to discover himself, to
4:28follow his heart, and to live freely.
4:31But what does all this mean to someone
4:33who learned from a young age to confuse
4:35his own voice with the voice of the
4:36world? Furthermore, even when he
4:40discovers the mechanism, a man can fall
4:42into another trap. He begins to revolt
4:46against the world, doing the exact
4:48opposite of what is expected, building
4:52an identity out of being different. But
4:58this too can become a new form of
4:59captivity, because when you do the
5:01opposite of what others expect just to
5:03prove you are free, others are still
5:05the ones setting your direction. In
5:09reality, you haven't stepped out of the
5:11world's ranks. You have only positioned
5:13yourself in opposition to them. And
5:16here we arrive at one of the
5:17fundamental teachings of the school of
5:19love. Be who you ought to be. But to be
5:24who you ought to be doesn't mean to
5:26mentally conceive an ideal version of
5:28yourself that you then struggle to
5:29realize. It doesn't mean replacing the
5:36society's model with another one—this
5:39time a spiritual one—in which you
5:41must be constantly calm, aware,
5:43balanced, and free from fear and doubt,
5:45because this image, too, can become an
5:47idol. To be who you ought to be means
5:52to stop imposing on life the scenario
5:54you have built about yourself. It means
5:59beginning to let go of the pretense
6:00that you know how your existence should
6:02unfold and letting God take the lead.
6:09And here arises a difficulty that a
6:11person only discovers when they truly
6:13try to live by this teaching. It is
6:17very easy to say: "Lord, Thy will be
6:19done.""It is much harder to accept that
6:22His will might not resemble your own at
6:24all. Because man prays, but often
6:28continues to dictate the outcome. He
6:32asks God to lead him, but only on the
6:34path he has already chosen. He asks for
6:37His help, but only to obtain what he
6:39believes he needs. He asks Him to show
6:43the way, but resists when the path
6:45leads in another direction. And thus,
6:49even God ends up being viewed as a
6:51means and thus, even God ends up being
6:57viewed as a means through which man
6:59hopes to fulfill his own script. Man
7:04does not always want to do God's will.
7:07He wants God to do his will. And when
7:12he begins to understand this difference
7:14, he discovers an even more subtle idol
7:16, so woven into the mechanisms of the
7:18mind that he can hardly recognize it
7:20anymore. It is an idol, as I have
7:24called it, made of lace. The need to
7:27understand everything before accepting.
7:29This is the idol. The need to
7:32understand everything before accepting.
7:36At some point, man is willing to give
7:38up his own script, but he demands to be
7:40shown the new one first. He wants to
7:44know where he is going, why he is going
7:46, what he will lose, what he will gain,
7:48and when the experience will end. Like
7:51in the famous line attributed to
7:53Caragiale: let there be betrayal, but
7:55let us be aware of it too. Meaning,
7:57Lord, change my life, but first explain
8:00all the reasons, present the
8:01consequences, show me the destination,
8:04and give me a guarantee that I will be
8:06satisfied in the end. But that is no
8:09longer trust; it is negotiation.
8:12Because when you know all the details,
8:14when you know exactly where you will
8:16end up and why you must go through
8:18certain experiences, you no longer need
8:20to trust. You only need to verify if
8:23the route suits you. The true test of
8:29trust begins when God takes you by the
8:32hand, covers your eyes, and tells you:"
8:34Now you are coming with Me. You don't
8:37need to know where, and you don't. You
8:40don't know why a door closes. You don't
8:42know why a person disappears from your
8:44life. You don't know why a plan you
8:47invested years in falls apart. You
8:50don't know why things that seemed so
8:51certain cease to exist, and above all,
8:53you don't know what comes next. Here,
8:58man discovers how much he leaned on the
9:00illusion of control, how much he
9:02confused security with the possibility
9:04of predicting and directing every event
9:07. But trusting in God does not mean
9:11knowing the way. It means being able to
9:14walk even when the path isn't shown to
9:16you, and it's okay not to succeed on
9:18the first try. It's okay to be afraid,
9:22to doubt, to resist, to try once again
9:24to take back control. All these
9:29reactions are part of the mechanism you
9:31have lived by for years. A train that
9:34has traveled for decades in a certain
9:35direction doesn't stop suddenly the
9:37moment you hit the brakes. It has
9:40inertia, and if you try to turn it
9:42violently, you risk derailing it. First
9:46it slows down, then it begins to change
9:48direction. And from the perspective of
9:51the trust we are talking about, God
9:53also takes care of this process. He
9:56doesn't ask man to transform overnight.
9:59He doesn't ignore the fears and doesn't
10:01abandon him because he is still
10:03resisting. The change unfolds at a pace
10:07that man can eventually handle. At
10:11first, doubt may hold him captive for
10:14months, then weeks, then days. With
10:17time, he begins to recognize the old
10:20mechanism faster and return to trust
10:22more quickly. And not because he is
10:25never afraid again, but because fear no
10:29longer drives his entire existence. And
10:34then he discovers something that, at
10:36first, the ego could not conceive: that
10:38the unraveling of the old script does
10:40not necessarily mean the destruction of
10:42life, that he can reach the end of a
10:43chapter and be better off than he had
10:45ever been, even though at first he was
10:47convinced he was losing everything.
10:52There is no definitive end to the road.
10:56There are chapters that close and
10:58experiences that continue to unfold.
11:02And here we reach the problem of
11:03suffering. Man suffers because reality
11:08does not correspond to the image he
11:10built of how it should be. He wants
11:15something and that something doesn't
11:16happen. He loves someone and that
11:19person leaves. He builds a future and
11:22that future falls apart. He expects
11:25life to go in one direction, and it
11:27goes in another. And the struggle
11:30begins. He no longer lives what is
11:33happening, but is constantly at war
11:35with the fact that it is happening. In
11:39the perspective of this teaching, inner
11:41suffering is fueled by the discrepancy
11:43between reality and the demand that
11:45reality be otherwise. Pain may exist,
11:50but resistance adds an entire war on
11:52top of it. And there is nothing wrong
11:56here either, because man acts out this
11:58discrepancy until he begins to
11:59recognize it. He resists until he
12:04discovers what resistance means. He
12:06tries to control until he sees how much
12:08suffering he produces through control.
12:12He must not condemn himself because he
12:13does not yet know how to live
12:15differently. Otherwise, it creates a
12:18new contradiction. He begins to resist
12:21his own resistance. I shouldn't suffer
12:25anymore, I shouldn't be afraid anymore,
12:27I shouldn't have desires anymore, I
12:29shouldn't be attached anymore. I
12:31understood all of that. Why do I still
12:33do them? That is the suffering. And
12:37thus, in the attempt to escape
12:39suffering, one adds another layer of
12:41suffering. That is why even acceptance
12:45needs to be understood beyond the idea
12:47of a spiritual performance. In the
12:51beginning, a person needs support. If
12:56one has been taught to label suffering
12:58as bad, one will naturally try to run
13:00from it. But one can start by changing
13:05the label. Instead of viewing the
13:08experience as a punishment, one begins
13:10to view it as a medicine. Medicine
13:13doesn't have to taste good to be
13:15accepted. It can be bitter, unpleasant,
13:20hard to swallow, but one no longer
13:22resists the taste with the same
13:23intensity because one views it from a
13:25different perspective. This change of
13:31label is an intermediate stage, a
13:33bridge between the old mechanism and a
13:35different way of relating to life.
13:40First, one replaces the bad with the
13:42good. One begins to look at the
13:46experience as something that may have a
13:48purpose, even if one doesn't understand
13:50it yet, but gradually one can reach a
13:52place where one no longer even needs
13:54this explanation. One no longer has to
13:58say that suffering is good or medicine.
14:01One no longer has to say that it is bad
14:03or anything else. because for them it
14:10is no longer a lesson, it is no longer
14:12a punishment or a blessing. It hurts
14:15this much. That is what I feel. Period.
14:23There is no longer an obligation to
14:25justify the experience, to discover its
14:27purpose, and to prove that it will lead
14:29to a better future. One more thing that
14:38you may have heard, or maybe you
14:40haven't, maybe you've integrated it,
14:42maybe not, is that when we need a
14:44justification for what we do, for what
14:46we express, for what we think, there is
14:48an ego there. If I do, think, or say
15:02something without feeling the need to
15:04justify myself, especially compulsively
15:07, endlessly, feeling the need for
15:09someone to understand my point of view,
15:11there is an ego there. Normally, what
15:20we feel, what we think, what God
15:22experiences through us does not need
15:24validation. It is okay to be understood
15:30and it is okay not to be understood
15:32because the one who understands me is
15:34God, and He plays what He has to play.
15:40Okay? And not even this state should be
15:42transformed into an ideal. If tomorrow
15:46one feels the need again to call
15:47suffering medicine to be able to move
15:49on, that is fine. You haven't lost
15:52anything. You haven't failed any
15:54spiritual exam, because God doesn't ask
15:56you to be anywhere other than where you
15:58are. And here, the circle begins to
16:03close. We started with the idol of "
16:05fitting in," with the person who builds
16:07their existence according to the
16:08expectations of others. We then
16:11discovered that even when they try to
16:13free themselves from these expectations
16:15, they can continue to live by their
16:16own images of how life should be. And
16:21we arrived at the most subtle mechanism
16:23of all: the need to decide, to control,
16:25to explain, and to judge every
16:27experience before allowing it to exist.
16:31But freedom does not mean replacing one
16:33scenario with another. It doesn't mean
16:36leaving the ranks of the world to join
16:38the ranks of those who consider
16:40themselves spiritually awakened. It
16:42doesn't mean becoming a person who no
16:45longer suffers, makes no mistakes, has
16:47no doubts, and has no desires. Freedom
16:51begins when there is no longer a need
16:52to be anyone other than who you are in
16:54this moment. You can have desires, make
16:59plans, love, build, dream, choose, and
17:02act, but you no longer have to hold
17:04onto life until your hands bleed. When
17:07a desire is fulfilled, you receive it.
17:10When it falls apart, you let it fall
17:12apart. When life changes direction, you
17:15don't have to desperately cling to the
17:17path you had imagined. You can move
17:22forward without knowing the destination
17:24, and above all, you can live in the
17:26present without asking it to guarantee
17:28your future. Being who you should be
17:32does not mean reaching a perfect form
17:34of yourself. It means stopping the
17:38struggle to become what your mind, the
17:40world, or even your own spiritual
17:42ideals have decided you must be. You
17:47don't have to force anything. Not even
17:50this letting go. When you resist, that
17:53is the present experience. When you are
17:57afraid, that is the present experience.
17:59When you doubt, when you rejoice, when
18:01you love, when you cry, when you don't
18:03understand anything that is happening
18:05to you, you are still right here. And
18:09God is not absent from any of these
18:11experiences. Perhaps this is precisely
18:16the great shift in perspective. Man
18:21spends his life trying to get where he
18:23thinks he should be, without noticing
18:24that the only place he can live is
18:26where he already is. He doesn't have to
18:31fit in with the world. He doesn't even
18:34have to be against the world. He
18:36doesn't have to prove that he has
18:38understood, that he has evolved, that
18:40he has become free, or that he deserves
18:42God's love. He doesn't have to turn
18:45life into an exam in order to have the
18:47right to live it. And then, after so
18:51much rushing, after so many attempts to
18:53control, to explain, to become, to fix,
18:56and to change, something
18:58extraordinarily simple remains. Life is
19:01happening, and you are here. You no
19:04longer need to know what comes next.
19:07You no longer even need to know why.
19:10God holds you in His hand, and for this
19:12step right now, that is enough. Close
19:18your eyes and let yourself be carried.
19:22Giuliana Lior, thank you for being with
19:24me today as well. Yeah.

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