Train your brain’s emotional intelligence with metacognition | Arthur Brooks — Transcript

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1. 0:04- Emotions proceed from a part of the brain
2. 0:05called the limbic system.
3. 0:08It's not smart.
4. 0:10It just creates these feelings and drives and desires-
5. 0:13there's nothing conscious about it at all.
6. 0:16If you stop there with your emotions,
7. 0:18you'll be managed by them, and that's not what you want.
8. 0:23You want to deliver the experience fully
9. 0:25to your prefrontal cortex
10. 0:26so you can decide what the emotions mean
11. 0:28and how you're gonna react.
12. 0:31Only your conscious brain can do that-
13. 0:34but you need techniques.
14. 0:36Those techniques are called 'metacognition.'
15. 0:49Metacognition is awareness of awareness;
16. 0:52it's thinking about thinking.
17. 0:54What you're really doing
18. 0:55is reflecting on what's going on in your emotional life.
19. 0:59You're thinking about your own emotions
20. 1:00such that your prefrontal cortex
21. 1:02is looking at your limbic system.
22. 1:06So for example, when you have little kids,
23. 1:09they tend to be really emotional.
24. 1:11And that's great sometimes,
25. 1:12but sometimes it's an incredible pain.
26. 1:14And so you'll say, "Don't scream, use your words."
27. 1:18And what you're actually saying is, "Stop being so limbic."
28. 1:21"Use your prefrontal cortex."
29. 1:24You want your kids
30. 1:25to deliver the signal from their limbic system
31. 1:27to their prefrontal cortex
32. 1:28and make a decision about how they're gonna react
33. 1:30to their own emotions.
34. 1:31So take your own advice that you give your kids.
35. 1:35First, interrogate your emotions,
36. 1:38and then say what you want to say, not what you feel.
37. 1:42That requires that we be comfortable
38. 1:44with the fact that we have negative emotions
39. 1:46in the first place.
40. 1:50- and then to have a repertoire of techniques to self-manage.
41. 1:55One of the most common ones,
42. 1:57the classic that most of us learn from our grandmothers,
43. 2:00'Is when you're feeling angry,
44. 2:01don't say anything until you count to ten.'
45. 2:05Researchers have put this to the test,
46. 2:08and they've found that the right number to count to
47. 2:10is actually 30.
48. 2:13What that's doing is it's giving a chance
49. 2:15for your prefrontal cortex to catch up
50. 2:17with your limbic system, and it's incredibly good advice.
51. 2:21You will self-regulate,
52. 2:23you'll also be prouder of yourself
53. 2:24than what you wanted to say in the first place.
54. 2:31It's not something that you read about it, it makes sense,
55. 2:34and suddenly, you can start practicing it perfectly.
56. 2:36And you have to be pretty kind to yourself
57. 2:38to recognize that you're gonna fail a lot.
58. 2:39There's a lot of research that shows
59. 2:42that this is a skill to be practiced,
60. 2:43and the more you practice, the better at it you get.
61. 2:45These are habits and rituals that you'll actually build up.
62. 2:49Not only that, but you'll be happier.
63. 2:51There's so much research that shows that people
64. 2:54who are able to moderate their feelings,
65. 2:55manage their feelings-
66. 2:56they're dramatically happier
67. 2:57than people who are reactive.
68. 3:00And, not coincidentally,
69. 3:03they make other people happier around them.