TikTok's ICKIEST Pick Me Girl yet 🥺👉👈 — Transcript

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1. 0:00hi want to try something a little
2. 0:02different this time for the intro I said
3. 0:05hello when was the last time we did that
4. 0:08we never say hi to each other so to
5. 0:10celebrate you because you're different I
6. 0:12wanted to try something different cuz
7. 0:13you're not like the others yeah I know
8. 0:15you heard that one before you're not
9. 0:17like the other girls you talk about
10. 0:19political and economic state of the
11. 0:20world right now you're not like Caitlyn
12. 0:24she talks about men tell me
13. 0:27why do
14. 0:34that's all she talks about ask me if she
15. 0:36talks about anything else no she doesn't
16. 0:39she literally only talks about men
17. 0:41exclusively if you try to have a normal
18. 0:43casual conversation with her you best
19. 0:45know it it's not going to go Caitlyn so
20. 0:47what did you do today well I wish well
21. 0:50I'm hoping to do some
22. 0:53men okay what about the drive here how
23. 0:55is the drive here you know when men like
24. 0:58root rage it's so cute what about you
25. 1:01how is your
26. 1:03drive
27. 1:05don't test her don't push her buttons
28. 1:09okay whatever button you push she's like
29. 1:11a plushy she's so cute the men said so
30. 1:14so cute she's so cute she's like a
31. 1:16plushy those toys where you press when
32. 1:18you press that sound comes out
33. 1:21press yeah we have seen a lot of pikm
34. 1:24together remember
35. 1:26um Emerald what was her name Ruby topaz
36. 1:31Sapphire Garnet I wasn't Diamond pearl
37. 1:35the wrong precious stone sorry everyone
38. 1:37calling me a p remember when Pearl
39. 1:39cracked out of her shelf she came to say
40. 1:41hello we should have sh that oyster up
41. 1:44threw it back into the sea I don't know
42. 1:45what happened to her but remember her
43. 1:48that was a Pik me she said it herself
44. 1:50I'd rather be a Pik me than a skip me so
45. 1:54yeah damn there's so many pikme girls
46. 1:57that they have differentiated with
47. 1:59evolution you know when you get a lot of
48. 2:01one thing it differentiates we have
49. 2:03subspecies of pikm girls they're all
50. 2:06insufferable in their own ways though
51. 2:07but with pearl you want to shut it down
52. 2:09here this is a subtle this is a subtle
53. 2:12Pik me okay I divided her content into
54. 2:14Pik me sections the classic Pik me
55. 2:17handbook we're starting off with let me
56. 2:18teach you about men Pooky men men have a
57. 2:21serious bone in their body like can
58. 2:22someone please explain to me why when
59. 2:24something serious goes down like in love
60. 2:25Island when something happen girls are
61. 2:27always like oh my gosh are you okay like
62. 2:29do you want to talk about the guys would
63. 2:30just go you good and then throw a silly
64. 2:32nickname on the the guy's name is
65. 2:33Cordell guys went you good cesy Cordy
66. 2:36it's funny but isn't that a serious
67. 2:37moment like why do they do that why do
68. 2:40you do that Prett easy why do men do
69. 2:42funny things it's funny but isn't that a
70. 2:44serious moment like isn't it a serious
71. 2:47moment Pooky do they do that I'm sorry
72. 2:51you might not see it yet sit tight if
73. 2:53the way my hug dude was a girl it would
74. 2:55be her where's my hug Pooky it's a
75. 2:58serious moment look she she loves to
76. 3:00tell you about men sometimes you have to
77. 3:02remember men are just boys they're just
78. 3:04boys yeah baby I had a man in my
79. 3:06apartment building furniture and I turn
80. 3:08around for 2 minutes and he's playing
81. 3:11GTA you don't want to do this you just
82. 3:13want to sit down and play video games I
83. 3:14hope it wasn't a guy that you actually
84. 3:16hired to build your furniture though
85. 3:17imagine you hire someone to build your
86. 3:19furniture you look away for 2 minutes
87. 3:21and he's playing
88. 3:23GTA he's just purched up on your
89. 3:26sofa playing on your console you're just
90. 3:28a boy that's so cute this een little boy
91. 3:32just a boy that's so cute that's so cute
92. 3:35it was it was so wholesome to her you
93. 3:37know when her
94. 3:41Manchild dropped whatever he was
95. 3:43supposed to be doing to play GTA we all
96. 3:46play video games finish what you're
97. 3:48doing then reward yourself with a video
98. 3:50game that's okay but you know what it's
99. 3:52not even what she's saying it's how
100. 3:54she's saying it that innocent good girl
101. 3:57act you know boys will just be boys did
102. 4:00he just smack your ass well it was just
103. 4:02boys being boys she posted it thinking
104. 4:05the men are going to love this one you
105. 4:07open up the comments and I agree with
106. 4:09whatever mkor RM was saying girl was all
107. 4:12over this comment section she was all
108. 4:15over it has to be rage oh the men are
109. 4:18glazing sound like an anime girl made me
110. 4:20cry please start
111. 4:23saying she's getting listen MK Ram was a
112. 4:27little bit pressed wait cuz it gets more
113. 4:29interesting one thing you have to
114. 4:30understand about men is teach us more
115. 4:32about men please when you order your
116. 4:33food I know how it goes you have your
117. 4:35coffee you have your water or your juice
118. 4:36and you have your food you rotate
119. 4:37through you're hydrated you're
120. 4:39caffeinated and you're eating great time
121. 4:40ever you're going to get two bites in
122. 4:42and you're going to look over and that
123. 4:43man whole plate is gone oh my God men
124. 4:46eat food
125. 4:47too they're not going to wait for you
126. 4:50they're one listen they're one and only
127. 4:51goal is to get that plate in their
128. 4:53stomach oh my God men sound so adorable
129. 4:55crazy the way they do things it's so
130. 4:57crazy how men do things you you know
131. 5:00because I'm just a different separate
132. 5:03creature and Men their world is so
133. 5:05interesting the world of men it's crazy
134. 5:07how they do things over there just an
135. 5:10Animal Planet documentary you know in
136. 5:12their natural habitat the men begin to
137. 5:15consume their food two bites in and it's
138. 5:19already finished this should keep them
139. 5:21going through the dry season men in
140. 5:23their secret secret
141. 5:25world but I've never seen a comment
142. 5:28section so sufferable in my life okay
143. 5:31the mission and the FEDS it's always the
144. 5:33mission and the FEDS it's like an inside
145. 5:35joke they've got going on the dudes in
146. 5:36her comment section which would make you
147. 5:38think okay that's kind of wholesome you
148. 5:39know a bunch of random guys sharing an
149. 5:42inside joke in the comment section so
150. 5:44cute it just gets old so quickly
151. 5:46sustenance for the mission # free the
152. 5:49sauce what sauce have to eat fast of the
153. 5:53feds don't catch us for what we need to
154. 5:56finish our food before y all ask about
155. 5:58the mission come on on nice try fed but
156. 6:01I'm not rebooting the
157. 6:03dinosaurs do you do you have that
158. 6:06ability
159. 6:09e sorry y'all are grown ass grown ass
160. 6:15adults all of you these are literally
161. 6:18dudes living in their parents' basement
162. 6:21I'm just imagining a Discord mod
163. 6:23commenting this kind of stuff we need to
164. 6:25fuel up quickly to get back to the
165. 6:26mission it can't all be about the
166. 6:29mission how to get the nutrients for the
167. 6:31mission what are you going to do with
168. 6:33them though what are you going to do so
169. 6:36inter I wonder what men do with
170. 6:38nutrients something I just realized
171. 6:39about men today girls when we leave the
172. 6:41house we look in the mirror and go okay
173. 6:43like do we look cute guys when they
174. 6:44leave the house they have to think about
175. 6:46like do I look scary because you know
176. 6:48it's a dangerous world for
177. 6:50[Music]
178. 6:51men they have to worry about looking
179. 6:54[Music]
180. 6:56scary Target check out line earlier and
181. 6:59I was wearing stood behind a guy who was
182. 7:00wearing a shirt like this covered in
183. 7:01tattoos the checkout girl gave me a
184. 7:03weird look and then gave him a big up
185. 7:04and down it took me half an hour to
186. 7:06realize like oh like she thought I was
187. 7:09in trouble she thought you were in
188. 7:10trouble because of the tatted up guy in
189. 7:12the white tank top
190. 7:16or she was just looking at you and she
191. 7:20had absolutely no thoughts you know that
192. 7:22happens my girls about it and they're
193. 7:23like yeah we have to make sure we don't
194. 7:25come off that way every morning girl D
195. 7:28um
196. 7:33you're not scary because of what you're
197. 7:34wearing you know if you're scary it's
198. 7:36something you're
199. 7:38doing okay you could be wearing a suit
200. 7:40and still be scary something you're
201. 7:42doing okay she's just worried about the
202. 7:44men okay she's just really worried about
203. 7:47the men and the men don't even think she
204. 7:51asked her guy friends and they said yeah
205. 7:52every morning we have to panic and pray
206. 7:56and we we cleanse we cleanse before we
207. 7:59go out be for Relief so our evil doesn't
208. 8:01you know I don't know who these guy
209. 8:03friends are something tells me you don't
210. 8:05have guy friends no actually something
211. 8:07tells me she only has guy friends but
212. 8:10also something tells me you didn't ask
213. 8:12them you know there's this dude in the
214. 8:14comments it's like I'm
215. 8:15for9 and I'm a gamer by the
216. 8:18me okay tell me more things about guys I
217. 8:21would love to know about guys is
218. 8:23whenever one of their friends goes
219. 8:24missing un like women who are like oh my
220. 8:26gosh I wonder where she went I hope
221. 8:27she's okay blah blah blah they're like
222. 8:29he's on side quest he's doing something
223. 8:30stupid they don't care but they're
224. 8:32always right they are always right so
225. 8:34men are always
226. 8:36right did someone date her please I'll
227. 8:39meet why you'll never catch a man saying
228. 8:41can I sit here it's always mind if I
229. 8:44post up setup shop camp out over here
230. 8:46what's with the code words
231. 8:49funny funny funny
232. 8:54funny
233. 8:56funny funny
234. 8:58[Music]
235. 9:00and the funny boys are in the comments
236. 9:03it's for the council to talk about the
237. 9:05mission you already know but it's all
238. 9:08about the mission and no matter how cute
239. 9:09you are we won't reveal the details men
240. 9:12have a catchphrase it's literally can't
241. 9:14be that hard want toy your own car with
242. 9:15no training can't be that hard become a
243. 9:17professional paintball player can't be
244. 9:19that hard learn every single player's
245. 9:20name on their favorite team and all
246. 9:22their stats can't be that hard I love
247. 9:24how she's like you know giving us a show
248. 9:27she's modeling you know go off girl
249. 9:29she's beautiful you know she's going to
250. 9:31make sure you see it yeah there we go
251. 9:33full body shot do it with everything me
252. 9:35do that with everything all go off I
253. 9:38guess no you go off you go off the
254. 9:41internet
255. 9:46oh section two like most pikm Caitlyn
256. 9:50would like the girls to shut the
257. 9:52up okay if you're a girl shut it
258. 9:55whatever you think you know think again
259. 9:57girl ladies is he mansplaining is he
260. 10:00man's planing or are you just losing
261. 10:02your mind is he man's planing or are you
262. 10:05just being dramatic is He Man planing or
263. 10:08is he just really
264. 10:10passionate and you're uptight or is he
265. 10:12just slightly autistic and super excited
266. 10:15to share whatever he just spent 7 hours
267. 10:17learning about today think about it
268. 10:18think about it about it think about it
269. 10:20girls because you're always so difficult
270. 10:22with the Poor Boys the poor boys are
271. 10:24just so excited to share you know have
272. 10:26you ever
273. 10:27seen a man's explaining scenario have
274. 10:30you ever seen it I've seen people
275. 10:32mansplain things to my sister like it
276. 10:34happens in front of me you're at a bang
277. 10:36and this dude is telling my sister what
278. 10:38she already knows no he's not telling
279. 10:40her what she no he's just super excited
280. 10:42to share whatever he spent 7 hours
281. 10:43learning about today
282. 10:45yeah okay Tom right yeah you Lisa yeah
283. 10:48they told me you needed help with like
284. 10:49resizing the image so you just need to
285. 10:51select the the image and drag up
286. 10:54actually if you just grab the image and
287. 10:56then pull on the corners it'll resize
288. 10:58the picture that's what I'm telling you
289. 11:00Tom that's what I'm here to help you
290. 11:02with I am a graphic designer Tom I know
291. 11:05how to resize an
292. 11:08image oh wait I'm so sorry Tom I didn't
293. 11:11realize you were just passionate about
294. 11:14something you spent the last 7 hours
295. 11:16learning about no problem at all never
296. 11:17do it again my bad never step on my
297. 11:21passions again please ladies is he-man's
298. 11:24winning about it she's seeking
299. 11:26validation so bad she will she wants
300. 11:29please please that's her seeking
301. 11:31validations you hear the please please
302. 11:34what's that please de something please I
303. 11:37hear someone saying please please that's
304. 11:40her seeking male validation please give
305. 11:44her the validation she wants but here's
306. 11:46my favorite why she loves men reason 183
307. 11:50billion
308. 11:514,820 it's good to love people and have
309. 11:54like a lot of reasons right but look at
310. 11:57these reasons the number 116 why I love
311. 11:59men How come every time they get a
312. 12:01haircut it's so accepted that they don't
313. 12:02like it at first they act like there's a
314. 12:04sweet spot right before it gets too long
315. 12:06but after they get a cut where it's like
316. 12:07perfect it looks
317. 12:11good number 115 why I love men I posted
318. 12:14a story the other day saying that if
319. 12:16guys needed girl advice like let me know
320. 12:18I would be answering all of them more
321. 12:19than half of these questions were
322. 12:20detailing the most obvious things that
323. 12:22girls do when they like a guy and all of
324. 12:24the guys were like do you think she
325. 12:26likes me are you kidding like how do
326. 12:28they not know like how do you not know
327. 12:30so many reasons wait reason number 111
328. 12:33why I love men is they're always saying
329. 12:35these weird little phrases initially
330. 12:36you're like wow you're kind of a little
331. 12:37freaky okay but no I guarantee you every
332. 12:40single one of those is from an old movie
333. 12:42it's from an Old Vine it's from a
334. 12:43streamer they're all references that you
335. 12:45would never ever place because who has a
336. 12:47memory like that men do their brain is
337. 12:49full of it this is so awkward and just
338. 12:53honestly embarrassing I love men so much
339. 12:55for their memory chips funniest thing
340. 12:57that men do when it's all you talk
341. 13:00girl why are you acting like this how
342. 13:02come nobody has picked you yet how have
343. 13:03we allowed this to happen your whole
344. 13:05personality is about men and no man has
345. 13:08picked you yet what is going on it's
346. 13:10just like Pearl you know she has yet to
347. 13:12find herself a high value man someone
348. 13:15date her please you know date her she
349. 13:17loves men so much somebody has to love
350. 13:19her back you
351. 13:22know funniest thing that men do when
352. 13:24they're with their friends pay attention
353. 13:25next time because they all do it when
354. 13:27something happens like someone's acting
355. 13:28out not being funny whatever instead of
356. 13:30laughing they all look at each other
357. 13:32they make eye contact with their friends
358. 13:34and they try not to laugh they just try
359. 13:35not to break and the first person who
360. 13:36breaks that's when they all start
361. 13:38laughing that's what they find hilarious
362. 13:39it's actually so cute they all do it
363. 13:41she's so like not genuine you know look
364. 13:44at this that's what they find hilarious
365. 13:45it's actually so cute they all do it
366. 13:47it's so cute they all do it am I cute
367. 13:50tell me I'm cute reason number 105 why I
368. 13:52love men they always always always refer
369. 13:54to their favorite sports teams as we
370. 13:56like we're playing on Saturday and then
371. 13:58they refer to favorite athletes by their
372. 14:00first name as if they know them like
373. 14:01Daniel got another dnf yesterday do you
374. 14:04know him like are you on the team it's
375. 14:07cute like are you on the team do you
376. 14:09know him or what's going on do you know
377. 14:12[Music]
378. 14:14him there's so many reasons why she
379. 14:16loves men again the reasons don't matter
380. 14:18what she's saying is not really the
381. 14:20point here as much as it is how she's
382. 14:22saying it her desire to impress men with
383. 14:25what she says is progressively getting
384. 14:27worse all right this section I'm calling
385. 14:30look at me look at me this is not you
386. 14:33this is not like you Bo don't look at
387. 14:36her focus on me Pooky man it's 2024
388. 14:39girls don't want you to take them on
389. 14:40expensive dinner dates I mean that's
390. 14:42fine if you want her to fall in love on
391. 14:44the first date here's what you're going
392. 14:45to do take notes take notes go to the
393. 14:47store run a suit of armor
394. 14:49and go to the store run a suit of armor
395. 14:52and take her to Medieval
396. 14:55Times all that girl's want yeah okay
397. 14:58come on
398. 15:00now you love me how special am I am I
399. 15:06right how special is she how special is
400. 15:08she please stop trying to impress men
401. 15:10it's that easy what are we doing they'll
402. 15:13be like well she's obviously joking what
403. 15:14a funny
404. 15:15[Music]
405. 15:18joke o why am I so pressed I don't know
406. 15:21it's that easy you know what girl
407. 15:23wouldn't fall for a guy buys a suit of
408. 15:26armor and takes
409. 15:27her is just a quirky girl that loves a
410. 15:30quirky guy hello and welcome to three
411. 15:33things that girls really want but
412. 15:34they're never going to ask you for
413. 15:36number one touch that girl in
414. 15:39public touch her butt touch her back
415. 15:42touch her hair girl calm down now any
416. 15:44kind of touching that makes people look
417. 15:46at you and go oh they're together oh
418. 15:48they're together okay okay number two
419. 15:52obvious hoodie but it has to smell like
420. 15:54you you haven't done laundry in weeks
421. 15:56perfect weeks okay she like them stinky
422. 16:00she will eat that up eat that up huh and
423. 16:03finally don't be too nice to other girl
424. 16:05you know what I mean don't be a bad boy
425. 16:07what I
426. 16:08mean but of course there's an end goal
427. 16:10to being a Pik me and it's being picked
428. 16:13that's the goal you don't want to make a
429. 16:15fool out of yourself like that and not
430. 16:18get picked that would be not so our next
431. 16:22textbook section is
432. 16:25seductress whenever a man follows me I
433. 16:27stalk them on Instagram not and what
434. 16:29I've discovered is there's W whoa wo
435. 16:31slow down with those shoulders she's com
436. 16:33in chest first you know she's just being
437. 16:36cute I need to stop like raining into
438. 16:38things too much right she's just being
439. 16:40naturally cute she's not overdoing
440. 16:42anything at all
441. 16:44no she's not I was so distracted by her
442. 16:47shoulders I didn't even hear what she
443. 16:49said so whenever a man follows me I
444. 16:51stalk them on Instagram naturally
445. 16:52naturally whenever a man follows me
446. 16:54which you better do right now I stalk
447. 16:57them
448. 16:59you get a reward I see what you did
449. 17:02there I stock them on Instagram
450. 17:03naturally which is what you're dreaming
451. 17:06of right she's going to stalk me on
452. 17:08Instagram
453. 17:10oh follow what I've discovered is
454. 17:13there's only two kinds of men you post
455. 17:15two times a year you post like two times
456. 17:16a day it's not consistent it's like you
457. 17:19never post at all oh my God I can't with
458. 17:21how she is behaving you know on camera
459. 17:24it's like so weird like I can't imagine
460. 17:26having a conversation with like imagine
461. 17:27you're having a cup of coffee with
462. 17:28someone like that yes so tell me about
463. 17:30your day I don't know what my day was
464. 17:31like how was your
465. 17:33day I have no thoughts that's the vibe
466. 17:35it's giving and it's very weird oh
467. 17:38interesting men are just such an in back
468. 17:41to Animal Planet here's another time she
469. 17:43tried to seduce you and are kind of
470. 17:45crazy because I was talking to my guy
471. 17:46friends the other day about what we
472. 17:47think about when we fall asleep I
473. 17:49fantasized about my crush and I'll admit
474. 17:50that because I thought it was pretty
475. 17:52normal we all fantasize about our Crush
476. 17:54right yeah I guess why the guys went
477. 17:57back and forth a bit and then one of
478. 17:58them finally said the best way to put it
479. 18:00is guys like to think about laying down
480. 18:02their life for a cause greater than
481. 18:05themselves honestly I probably shouldn't
482. 18:08be surprised shouldn't be surprised you
483. 18:10know men are just something incredible
484. 18:13it's just incredible girl so fake you
485. 18:17know this one this one notice your
486. 18:19mannerisms and voice seems so fake but
487. 18:21the men didn't like that no because the
488. 18:23men are thirsting over her you know she
489. 18:25got the validation she wanted right what
490. 18:28caused you
491. 18:29you sicko to say that like genuinely
492. 18:33that is so rude has your day been that
493. 18:36bad that you need to take it out on this
494. 18:41[Music]
495. 18:43lovely of this lovely
496. 18:47lady take your somewhere else they
497. 18:50love her you know you're ever wondering
498. 18:52why women live longer than men put your
499. 18:53phone down right now and go ask the
500. 18:55nearest man his near-death experience
501. 18:57story is have a story from when they
502. 18:59were younger about doing something
503. 19:01stupid and almost dying no it's I think
504. 19:03it's the way she's looking into her
505. 19:05phone as well that's kind of weird I am
506. 19:07I reading into it too much just go and
507. 19:09ask the men right now like what are
508. 19:11they this like the vibe it's giving it's
509. 19:14very weird you know every single one I
510. 19:16swear I swear I swear how do yall get
511. 19:21yourselves into those situations how do
512. 19:23y'all get yourselves into these
513. 19:25situations girl why are we faking our
514. 19:27voice why are you talking like this
515. 19:29goodness or this one most unexpected
516. 19:32green flag in men I love how she angled
517. 19:34it in a way that makes sure you see her
518. 19:36kicking her feet you know the legs
519. 19:38kicking back is so cute your whole
520. 19:40personality is so cute you're so cute
521. 19:44then there's just a bunch of nonsense
522. 19:46that she says as well that doesn't make
523. 19:48any sense it's just talking about men
524. 19:50just to talk about men you know I guess
525. 19:52when men hear men they show up and then
526. 19:54they stay and that's what she wants
527. 19:55that's the fastest way to tell that a
528. 19:57man is so much fun to hang out with just
529. 19:59wait until someone starts a USA chance
530. 20:02USA
531. 20:04us she finds out so cute
532. 20:09what craziest thing about men and women
533. 20:11is how they're equally delusional in
534. 20:13completely opposite ways the guy could
535. 20:15have absolutely no interest and I'll go
536. 20:16to my friends and be like what are we
537. 20:18doing here what are we doing here I
538. 20:20can't with this I can't I can't oh my
539. 20:23God it's like a Radio Rebel all over
540. 20:25again when are we here
541. 20:30it's literally her but it's unironic
542. 20:32that's insane well I hope you get picked
543. 20:35you know I hope some somebody this is a
544. 20:37t TSA TSA a PSA a PSA somebody date
545. 20:43Caitlyn thanks anybody's watching this
546. 20:45video thinks she's cute because she is
547. 20:47she's cute you know look at her I mean
548. 20:49she's beautiful and then she's also
549. 20:50really cute when she does she does thing
550. 20:54so cute yeah it's giving a bit The
551. 20:55Conjuring but if you could look past
552. 20:57that past her you know need for male
553. 21:00validation and attention if you could
554. 21:01just quench her thirst please quench her
555. 21:04thirst for male validation and
556. 21:09attention then great date her she's
557. 21:12obviously very datable very cute you
558. 21:14know so go for it
559. 21:17I give you my blessings look at this the
560. 21:20most entertaining part about it's it's
561. 21:22like Britney Spears you know that was
562. 21:24pretty much it guys I hope you enjoyed
563. 21:25today's video let me know what your
564. 21:26thoughts are down in the comments below
565. 21:28do you think is a pick me let me know
566. 21:30let me know in the comments guys share
567. 21:32those thoughts share them
568. 21:51[Music]