This 10 Min Exercise Will ELIMINATE Your Self-Sabotage Forever — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00There's no shortage of videos out there
2. 0:01telling you how to deal with your
3. 0:03self-sabotage. The truth is, there's
4. 0:04probably a lot [music] of good quick
5. 0:06fixes, but I've never seen anything that
6. 0:09offers a long-term solution. I've never
7. 0:11seen anything that actually goes to the
8. 0:13core of the problem and diagnoses it
9. 0:15properly and shows you how to resolve it
10. 0:18once and for all. That is what you're
11. 0:19going to get in this video. Once you use
12. 0:22what I give you, you will never
13. 0:23experience self-sabotage again, and if
14. 0:26you do, you will know how to resolve it
15. 0:28once and for all. Let's start with
16. 0:30diagnosing the problem. Why do you
17. 0:32self-sabotage? Why would you
18. 0:34purposefully prevent yourself from
19. 0:36getting what you want? The truth is,
20. 0:38that's not what's really happening.
21. 0:40You're not really sabotaging yourself.
22. 0:42There's something I often like to say
23. 0:44when it comes to these types of things,
24. 0:45that there is no problem that
25. 0:47communication and education cannot
26. 0:49solve. Now, when I use the word
27. 0:50unconscious, which often people would
28. 0:52refer to as the subconscious, I don't
29. 0:54like to refer to it that way because it
30. 0:56makes it sound like it's something
31. 0:58underneath or below the conscious mind.
32. 1:00The unconscious, the subconscious, the
33. 1:01conscious mind, there's no mind better
34. 1:04than each other, it's all one mind. It's
35. 1:06not as mysterious as it sounds. Your
36. 1:08unconscious mind is just everything that
37. 1:10you're not conscious of. That is
38. 1:11everything from what is beating your
39. 1:13heart, blinking your eyes. It's also all
40. 1:15of the thoughts, memories, and beliefs
41. 1:17that you are not currently aware of that
42. 1:19have fallen from consciousness into
43. 1:22unconsciousness simply because you're
44. 1:23not paying attention to it. Think of
45. 1:25your unconscious as like this basement
46. 1:26that has accumulated all of the things
47. 1:28that you've forgotten about. The truth
48. 1:30is that most of your beliefs are
49. 1:31actually unconscious. When something is
50. 1:33unconscious, it has more control over
51. 1:35you than what you consciously are aware
52. 1:37of because what you're consciously aware
53. 1:39of, you can actually change. So, if
54. 1:41you're having a problem and you're not
55. 1:43conscious of it, you might feel the
56. 1:44negative effects of the problem, but you
57. 1:46don't know what to do, you don't know
58. 1:47how to change it because you're not
59. 1:48actually conscious of the problem. By
60. 1:49bringing the problem into consciousness,
61. 1:52now we can work on it. So, what's really
62. 1:53happening when it comes to self-sabotage
63. 1:55is you're not communicating very well
64. 1:57with your unconscious. And when
65. 1:59something arises out of your
66. 2:00unconscious, it might look very strange
67. 2:02to you. You might not even recognize it.
68. 2:04It might look like a complete alien. Why
69. 2:06would I do this to myself? Why would I
70. 2:08want this? Now, another one that comes
71. 2:09from your unconscious that most people
72. 2:11don't even think of is intuition. When
73. 2:13you have an intuition, that is something
74. 2:15that had been processed unconsciously
75. 2:18until you arrived at a conclusion. And
76. 2:20once you arrived at that conclusion,
77. 2:22that conclusion became conscious. When
78. 2:24it became conscious, it feels like that
79. 2:27eureka moment, like I have an insight.
80. 2:29Wow, where did this come from? Now,
81. 2:30unfortunately, because people don't
82. 2:31understand that it came from their
83. 2:33unconscious, they often attribute
84. 2:34divine-like qualities to it and they say
85. 2:36things like, "Well, my intuition's
86. 2:38always correct." And that is just simply
87. 2:39not true. Your intuition came from your
88. 2:42mind. It came from a very similar
89. 2:43thought process that you do consciously.
90. 2:46You just weren't consciously aware of
91. 2:47it. But again, this is one of those
92. 2:49things that arises from your
93. 2:51unconscious. When you don't understand
94. 2:53that it came from your unconscious, you
95. 2:54start to spin all sorts of stories about
96. 2:56it. This is exactly what's happening
97. 2:58when you experience self-sabotage. You
98. 3:00don't know why you're resisting or
99. 3:03holding back from doing something that
100. 3:05to your conscious mind seems like,
101. 3:06"Well, of course I want this. Of course
102. 3:08I want to do this." So, if you go around
103. 3:09thinking that you are purposefully
104. 3:11sabotaging yourself, then you start to
105. 3:14vilify a part of yourself. And then
106. 3:16there becomes this sort of split, this
107. 3:18disconnect, and this feeling of internal
108. 3:20conflict, and this feeling of fighting
109. 3:22yourself. When you're fighting yourself,
110. 3:24you cannot win. I have people for
111. 3:26coaching and they say, "Well, I have
112. 3:27this side of me that is sabotaging
113. 3:29myself and it's holding me back, and I
114. 3:31want to defeat it once and for all." As
115. 3:32if you're going to destroy a part of
116. 3:34yourself, and that's a good thing. It's
117. 3:36not. Even if you do achieve what you
118. 3:38want by defeating part of yourself,
119. 3:40you're not going to be very fulfilled
120. 3:41because part of yourself either is dead
121. 3:43or or it's beaten down.
122. 3:46That's not healthy, and that's not what
123. 3:48fulfillment is. Fulfillment comes from a
124. 3:50sense of wholeness, a sense of unity,
125. 3:52being fully integrated. Let's say you're
126. 3:54still skeptical of what I'm saying and
127. 3:57you're not quite bought into it just yet
128. 3:59and that's fine. This will work for you
129. 4:00even if you're skeptical. In fact, it
130. 4:02might even work better for you if you
131. 4:03are skeptical. Let's just try this on.
132. 4:05What if what I'm saying is true? That
133. 4:08you're not actually trying to sabotage
134. 4:10yourself. That you have these
135. 4:11unconscious parts that have become
136. 4:13isolated from the rest of you. They are
137. 4:15trying to fulfill a positive intention
138. 4:17for you and the way that that is coming
139. 4:20out is it looks like resistance. Like
140. 4:22part of you is objecting. Like part of
141. 4:24you is trying to hold you back and it
142. 4:26has nothing to do with it not wanting
143. 4:29you to be happy or successful or any of
144. 4:32those things. In fact, it does want you
145. 4:33to be fulfilled and and that's why it's
146. 4:35doing what it's doing. Now, ask
147. 4:37yourself, is this perspective better for
148. 4:40helping you solve this problem? Is it a
149. 4:42more resourceful way to approach this
150. 4:44problem? I think you know the answer to
151. 4:46that right away. Yes, of course, it's
152. 4:47much easier to solve this problem if you
153. 4:49start with this perspective. Now, let's
154. 4:51talk about the process. I'm going to
155. 4:53give you an overview. However, there is
156. 4:55a step-by-step PDF. You'll find a link
157. 4:58to it in the description of this video
158. 5:00or you can scan this QR code. So, listen
159. 5:01to my overview first. It's much more
160. 5:03helpful if you have an overall
161. 5:05understanding of it before you run your
162. 5:07actual situation through the process
163. 5:09step-by-step and you'll see that you
164. 5:11will resolve this issue once and for
165. 5:13all. I'm going to use myself as an
166. 5:14example. There was a time when I really
167. 5:18felt like I couldn't become as
168. 5:19successful as I wanted to be. It felt
169. 5:21like I couldn't make the money that I
170. 5:23wanted to make and it really felt like
171. 5:24something was trying to sabotage me.
172. 5:26Like it was trying to hold me back. What
173. 5:27I did was is I set a goal. So, let's
174. 5:29just say I want to make a million
175. 5:31dollars next year. What I want to start
176. 5:32off doing is a listening my values
177. 5:34behind what's driving me to achieve that
178. 5:37goal. Most of the time people just set a
179. 5:38goal and then they go running after it
180. 5:40without really understanding what it is
181. 5:42they're trying to fulfill and this can
182. 5:44actually be part of the resistance
183. 5:46because if you're setting a goal that is
184. 5:47not truly going to fulfill you, your
185. 5:49unconscious is actually quite wise. It's
186. 5:52not going to do it for you. So, if you
187. 5:53set a goal because you wanted to gain
188. 5:55respect or you wanted to get people to
189. 5:57admire you. Deep down inside, you have a
190. 5:59lot of inner wisdom that is telling you,
191. 6:01"That's not going to do it for you. It's
192. 6:02not going to be fulfilling at all. It's
193. 6:04In fact, it's probably going to turn out
194. 6:05worse than you think." Sometimes the
195. 6:06resistance is just that you haven't set
196. 6:08a very good goal. That's It's a goal
197. 6:10that's not going to fulfill you. So, in
198. 6:11order to know if a goal's going to
199. 6:13fulfill you before you even start off
200. 6:15working toward it, elicit your values.
201. 6:17And once you know what those values are,
202. 6:19then you will know if this goal fulfills
203. 6:20you or not. How do we elicit our values?
204. 6:22When you set the goal, you just ask
205. 6:23yourself, "What is important to me about
206. 6:25achieving this goal?" Or "What will
207. 6:26achieving this goal do for me?" And you
208. 6:28keep asking those questions and you keep
209. 6:30pulling out more and more values. So,
210. 6:31let's say I set a goal to make a million
211. 6:33dollars next year. I elicit my values
212. 6:36and some of those values are success,
213. 6:38happiness, and joy. Three really nice
214. 6:41values. Once I know what those values
215. 6:43are, I always want to check back with
216. 6:44the goal. Is the goal really going to
217. 6:46take me there? And I can look at that
218. 6:47and say, "Okay, yeah, if I make this
219. 6:48money, that'll make me feel successful.
220. 6:50And I can do a lot of wonderful things
221. 6:53with my family and I can do things with
222. 6:55my friends and that'll bring about this
223. 6:57joy and happiness. It's not just the
224. 6:59money, it's the money will help me
225. 7:01fulfill these values." So, I look at
226. 7:03that, it all lines up, everything's
227. 7:04congruent, we're good for this part of
228. 7:06the process. And then I check in with
229. 7:08myself. Is there any part of me that
230. 7:11resist or objects to me making this
231. 7:13money? And I get really quiet with
232. 7:15myself and yes, I do talk to myself. So,
233. 7:17I'm coming out of the closet right now
234. 7:19about it. I have no problems admitting I
235. 7:21actually do talk to myself and there's
236. 7:23nothing wrong with doing that. You can
237. 7:24even think of it as a meditation. You
238. 7:26ask the question and you get quiet and
239. 7:28you listen. You never know exactly how
240. 7:30resistance is going to show up.
241. 7:32Sometimes it shows up as a voice.
242. 7:33Sometimes I see an image that lets me
243. 7:35know, "Okay, this is the resistance." It
244. 7:37could come up as a feeling. Just get
245. 7:39quiet and listen with all of your
246. 7:41senses. And when I actually did this, I
247. 7:43heard a voice say, "Yes, I'm resisting.
248. 7:46I have a problem with this." And so,
249. 7:48anytime that happens, when you're make
250. 7:49connection with the resistance,
251. 7:51the last thing you want to do is treat
252. 7:53that resistance like an enemy. The
253. 7:55resistance is coming from a part of
254. 7:56yourself, and all parts of you are
255. 7:58valid. You want to thank this part for
256. 8:00communicating with you. And this is what
257. 8:02I was talking about with creating that
258. 8:03channel of communication. But, if you
259. 8:05treat this part of yourself as you're
260. 8:07putting it down, or you're treating it
261. 8:09like the enemy, this is not a good setup
262. 8:11for communication and connection with
263. 8:13your unconscious. And remember, this is
264. 8:14you. This is a part of you. So, anytime
265. 8:17you start to try to separate from
266. 8:18yourself and put down a part of
267. 8:20yourself, you've lost the plot. Now,
268. 8:22you're moving in the wrong direction.
269. 8:23Get that resistance to talk to you, to
270. 8:25give you a signal of some kind to
271. 8:27whether or not it's resisting. Fear can
272. 8:29be a form of resistance, anger can be a
273. 8:31form of resistance, self-doubt can be a
274. 8:33form of resistance. So, I'm listening to
275. 8:35this and I asked the part, "What is your
276. 8:37positive intention by resisting me
277. 8:39making this money?" And that's how you
278. 8:41want to ask the question. You want to
279. 8:42assume that the part is trying to
280. 8:44fulfill something for you. And that's
281. 8:46actually what it's trying to do. It's
282. 8:48just gotten isolated from the rest of
283. 8:49you. So, it doesn't understand the
284. 8:51bigger picture. The other part of this
285. 8:53is that resistance is born from
286. 8:55negation, and it's born from what we
287. 8:57call an away from strategy. So, I'll
288. 8:59explain this in just a moment. When I
289. 9:00asked the part, "What's what's this
290. 9:02about? What is your positive intention
291. 9:03for me?" And the part says, "I don't
292. 9:05want you to be greedy." Notice it's a
293. 9:07negation. It's not telling me what it
294. 9:09wants me to be. It's telling me what it
295. 9:11doesn't want me to be. So, it's safe to
296. 9:12say that at some point in my life, maybe
297. 9:16I experienced what it felt like to be
298. 9:18greedy, and I really didn't like that
299. 9:19about myself. I really didn't like that
300. 9:21experience. A lot of this happens in
301. 9:22childhood. I told myself, "Don't ever do
302. 9:24that again, or don't be greedy." Now,
303. 9:26it's also possible that I experienced
304. 9:28someone else's greed. Someone was really
305. 9:30greedy toward me, and I really didn't
306. 9:31like that. So, I told myself, "Don't
307. 9:33ever be like that person." I'm giving
308. 9:35negative commands to it. I'm not telling
309. 9:37it what to be, I'm telling it what not
310. 9:39to be. And this is why it comes out as
311. 9:41resistance or what appears to be
312. 9:43self-sabotage because it's trying to
313. 9:45hold you back from doing something. You
314. 9:47gave it a negative command, all it did
315. 9:48was listen to you and then got isolated
316. 9:50from the rest of you. It was probably
317. 9:51attached to a negative feeling and you
318. 9:53pushed that away. How do we get this
319. 9:54moved into the positive? Because we
320. 9:56can't do anything with a negative, we
321. 9:57can't go forward with a negative.
322. 9:58Imagine going to a clothing store and
323. 10:00the clerk comes up to you and says,
324. 10:01"What can I help you with?" And you say,
325. 10:03"I don't want socks." And the clerk's
326. 10:04going to say, "Okay, I won't show you
327. 10:06any socks. What do you want?" And you
328. 10:08say, "I don't want to buy a shirt."
329. 10:10The clerk says, "Okay, dude, we're going
330. 10:12to be here all day. Like,
331. 10:14what do you actually want? Just tell me
332. 10:15what you want and I'll take you there."
333. 10:17This is how so many people are living
334. 10:19life. They're more focused on what they
335. 10:21don't want and a lot of that comes from
336. 10:23they feel negative feelings, they tell
337. 10:24themselves, "Don't do that again. Don't
338. 10:25feel that again." And so you just keep
339. 10:27creating negation upon negation and you
340. 10:30keep limiting yourself and living in a
341. 10:31smaller and smaller world. So you want
342. 10:33to get this stated in the positive.
343. 10:35Okay, if you don't want me to be greedy,
344. 10:37what do you want me to be instead? And
345. 10:39this is the actual conversation I had
346. 10:41with myself about becoming successful.
347. 10:43And when I asked that question, "What do
348. 10:44you want me to be instead of greedy?"
349. 10:47the part said, "I want you to be
350. 10:48generous."
351. 10:50Okay, well, that's awesome. Now now we
352. 10:51have a a direction. Now we have
353. 10:53something to move toward being generous.
354. 10:56So I came back to my conscious mind, the
355. 10:57conscious mind that set the goal, and I
356. 11:00check in with that and I say, "Okay, so
357. 11:02I want to make a million dollars next
358. 11:03year and doing so I want that to help me
359. 11:05fulfill success, happiness, and joy.
360. 11:08Does generosity fit along with success,
361. 11:12happiness,
362. 11:13and joy?" Yeah, that's a no-brainer. Of
363. 11:15course it does. There's no conflict
364. 11:17there whatsoever. Great. So I go back to
365. 11:19the resistant part and I said, "Okay, if
366. 11:22we were to make this money and become
367. 11:23successful and happy and joyful, do you
368. 11:26see generosity conflicting with that or
369. 11:29do you see those values conflicting with
370. 11:30generosity?" And when I asked that to
371. 11:32the part, the part said,
372. 11:34"No, there's no real conflict there.
373. 11:36Generosity,
374. 11:37success,
375. 11:38happiness, joy, that all works together
376. 11:40just fine." So, already I'm starting to
377. 11:42win over the resistant part. I took it a
378. 11:44a bit further, and this is what you want
379. 11:46to do. You want to keep negotiating,
380. 11:48communicating with the resistant part,
381. 11:50and I said, "You know what? Not only do
382. 11:52they all fit together, they don't
383. 11:53conflict. And the more successful I
384. 11:55become, and the happier I become, and
385. 11:57the more joyful I become, the more
386. 11:59generous I can become." That part now
387. 12:01was fully on board. It said, "Yes,
388. 12:04you're right." And so, I said, "Is there
389. 12:05any more resistance?" The part said,
390. 12:07"No." And then this is the last piece,
391. 12:09and it's super important. This part of
392. 12:11you wants to fulfill a role for you. You
393. 12:14gave it orders, and all it's trying to
394. 12:16do is carry out orders for you. It had a
395. 12:18negated strategy, that's why it came out
396. 12:20as resistance. Not a good way to go
397. 12:21about this. We don't want to just
398. 12:23decommission it. This is an important
399. 12:25part of you, so we want to give it a
400. 12:26job. We want to give it a role. We want
401. 12:27to give it new orders. So, I said to the
402. 12:29part, "Okay, now that we're clear to go,
403. 12:33and there's no more resistance to
404. 12:34becoming successful the way that I want
405. 12:36to be successful, would you be willing
406. 12:38to play a role in making sure that as I
407. 12:41become more successful and make more
408. 12:43money, that I am becoming more generous?
409. 12:46Would you make sure that I do that?" And
410. 12:48this creates the full integration
411. 12:49because that part will never say no.
412. 12:52It'll never say no as long as you've
413. 12:54made the right adjustments to what it is
414. 12:56that you're doing to fit that part. And
415. 12:58now you bring it on board. Now you give
416. 12:59it a job, and then now it's going to
417. 13:01help you achieve that goal. That's all
418. 13:04the part ever wanted to begin with, to
419. 13:06be brought back into the whole, to be
420. 13:08integrated back into all of you, rather
421. 13:10than being isolated. Cuz when we have
422. 13:12isolated parts like this,
423. 13:14this is what creates friction, conflict,
424. 13:16and eventually resistance. So, you're
425. 13:17not actually trying to sabotage
426. 13:18yourself. You have these isolated parts
427. 13:20that are resisting, and all you need to
428. 13:22do is get in touch with them and
429. 13:24integrate them back into the whole. Now,
430. 13:25think about this as well. What will it
431. 13:27be like to go after all of the things
432. 13:30that you want to achieve with zero
433. 13:32resistance? Every time you encounter
434. 13:34what you think is self-sabotage, and you
435. 13:36realize, "Nope, this is just
436. 13:37resistance." Every time you encounter
437. 13:39resistance, you will realize that this
438. 13:41is an opportunity
439. 13:43to become more whole, to become more
440. 13:45integrated. This is not a problem. This
441. 13:47is not an obstacle. This is not some
442. 13:49part of you trying to sabotage you,
443. 13:51which sounds terrible. It sounds like
444. 13:52you have aliens inside of you and trying
445. 13:54to pull you back. Now, with this new
446. 13:56perspective, you can realize that every
447. 13:58time you encounter resistance, you're
448. 14:00going to clear that resistance by
449. 14:02integrating it. And now, when you're not
450. 14:04fighting yourself anymore, you can give
451. 14:06all of that energy, all of that
452. 14:08attention, undivided to what it is
453. 14:10you're trying to achieve. I think about
454. 14:12that. When you're doing that,
455. 14:14you're
456. 14:15you're I mean, you're greasing the
457. 14:17tracks. You're clearing everything out.
458. 14:19Now, you're unstoppable, because there's
459. 14:20nothing dragging on you. There's nothing
460. 14:22holding you back. There's no weight, you
461. 14:24know, dragging you down. You've freed
462. 14:25yourself from all of that, and you are
463. 14:27100% now focused and giving all of your
464. 14:30energy to this thing that you want to
465. 14:32accomplish. You're not tying yourself up
466. 14:34in these imaginary battles with
467. 14:35yourself, this self that is trying to
468. 14:38sabotage you. Now, you might think that
469. 14:39this all sounds good, but you might be
470. 14:41thinking, "Does this actually work?"
471. 14:42Well, give it a try. Test it out. Get
472. 14:44that PDF. And also, if you want to see
473. 14:46me doing this with an actual client,
474. 14:48check out this video right here.