Think Fast, Talk Smart: Communication Techniques — Transcript

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1. 0:00[Music]
2. 0:05welcome I'm very excited today to talk
3. 0:08about effective speaking in spontaneous
4. 0:11situations I thank you all for joining
5. 0:13us even though the title of my talk is
6. 0:15grammatically incorrect I thought that
7. 0:17might scare a few of you away but I
8. 0:18learned teaching here at the business
9. 0:20school catching people's attention is
10. 0:21hard so something as simple as that I
11. 0:24thought might draw a few of you here so
12. 0:26this is going to be a highly interactive
13. 0:28and participative
14. 0:30Workshop today if you don't feel
15. 0:32comfortable participating that's
16. 0:34completely fine but do know I'm going to
17. 0:35ask you to talk to people next to you
18. 0:37there'll be opportunities to stand up
19. 0:39and practice some things because I
20. 0:41believe the way we become effective
21. 0:42communicators is by actually
22. 0:44communicating so let's get started right
23. 0:47away I'd like to ask you all to read
24. 0:49this sentence and as you read this
25. 0:52sentence what's most important to me is
26. 0:54that you count the number of FS that you
27. 0:57find in this sentence please count the
28. 0:59number of FS keep it quiet to
29. 1:06yourself give you just another couple
30. 1:08seconds
31. 1:11here 3 two one raise your hand please if
32. 1:16you found three and only three FS
33. 1:19excellent great did anybody find four
34. 1:22okay anybody find only five fs and
35. 1:24anybody find six there's six FS
36. 1:30what two-letter word ending in f did
37. 1:32many of us miss
38. 1:35of we'll make sure to get this to you so
39. 1:38you can torment your friends and family
40. 1:40at a later
41. 1:41date when I first was exposed to this
42. 1:43over 12 years ago I only found three and
43. 1:46I felt really stupid so I like to start
44. 1:48every Workshop every class I teach with
45. 1:50this to pass that feeling and no no
46. 1:52that's not that's not why I do this I do
47. 1:55this because this is a perfect analogy
48. 1:58for what we're going to be talking about
49. 1:59today the vast majority of us in this
50. 2:01room very smart people in this room were
51. 2:04not as effective as we could have been
52. 2:05in this activity we didn't get it right
53. 2:09and the same is true when it comes to
54. 2:11speaking in public particularly when
55. 2:13spontaneous speaking it's little things
56. 2:16that make a big difference in being
57. 2:18effective So today we're going to talk
58. 2:20about little things in terms of your
59. 2:22approach your attitude your practice
60. 2:25that can change how you feel when you
61. 2:27speak in
62. 2:28public and we're going to be talking
63. 2:30primarily about one typee of public
64. 2:33speaking not the type that you plan for
65. 2:35in advance the type that you actually
66. 2:37spend time thinking about you might even
67. 2:39create slides for these are the Keynotes
68. 2:42the conference presentation the formal
69. 2:46toasts that's not what we're talking
70. 2:48about today we're talking about
71. 2:50spontaneous speaking when you're in a
72. 2:53situation that you're asked to speak off
73. 2:55the cuff and in the moment what we're
74. 2:58going through today is is actually the
75. 3:00result of a workshop I created here for
76. 3:02the business school several years ago a
77. 3:05survey was taken among the students and
78. 3:07they said what's one of the what are
79. 3:08things we could do to help make you more
80. 3:10successful here and at the top of that
81. 3:12list was this notion of responding to
82. 3:15cold calls does everybody know what a
83. 3:17cold call is it's where the mean
84. 3:18Professor like me looks at some students
85. 3:20says what do you think and there was a
86. 3:23lot of panic and a lot of Silence so as
87. 3:26a result of that this Workshop was
88. 3:27created in a vast majority of first year
89. 3:29students here at the GSB go through this
90. 3:32Workshop so I'm going to walk you
91. 3:33through sort of a hybrid version of what
92. 3:35they do the reality is that spontaneous
93. 3:39speaking is actually more prevalent than
94. 3:42plann speaking perhaps it's giving
95. 3:44introductions you're at a dinner and
96. 3:45somebody says you know so and so would
97. 3:47you mind introducing them maybe it's
98. 3:49giving feedback in the moment your boss
99. 3:51turns to you and says would you tell me
100. 3:52what you think it could be a surprise
101. 3:55toast or finally it could be during the
102. 3:58Q&A session and by the way we will leave
103. 4:01plenty of time at the end of our day
104. 4:02today for Q&A I'd love to hear the
105. 4:04questions you have about this topic or
106. 4:06other topics related to
107. 4:09communicating so our agenda is simple in
108. 4:12order to Be an Effective Communicator
109. 4:13regardless of if it's planned or
110. 4:16spontaneous you need to have your
111. 4:18anxiety under control so we'll start
112. 4:21there second what we're going to talk
113. 4:24about is some ground rules for the
114. 4:26interactivity we'll have today and then
115. 4:28finally we're going to get into the
116. 4:30heart of what we will be covering and
117. 4:31again as I said lots of activity and I
118. 4:34invite you to
119. 4:35participate so let's get started with
120. 4:37anxiety
121. 4:39management 85% of people tell us that
122. 4:42they're nervous when speaking in public
123. 4:44and I think the other 15% are lying okay
124. 4:47we could create a situation where we
125. 4:49could make them nervous too in fact just
126. 4:51this past week a study from Chapman
127. 4:55University asked Americans what are the
128. 4:57things you fear most and among being
129. 5:00caught in a surprise terrorist attack
130. 5:02having identity your identity stolen was
131. 5:05public speaking among the top five was
132. 5:07speaking in front of others this is a
133. 5:10ubiquitous fear and one that I believe
134. 5:12we can learn to manage and I use that
135. 5:15word manage very carefully because I
136. 5:17don't think we ever want to overcome it
137. 5:20anxiety actually helps us it gives us
138. 5:22energy helps us Focus tells us what
139. 5:24we're doing is important but we want to
140. 5:26learn to manage it so I'd like to
141. 5:28introduce you to a few techniques that
142. 5:30can work and all of these techniques are
143. 5:31based on academic research but before we
144. 5:34get there I'd love to ask you what does
145. 5:38it feel like when you're sitting in the
146. 5:40audience watching a nervous speaker
147. 5:42present how do you feel just shout out a
148. 5:43few things how do you
149. 5:45feel
150. 5:47uncomfortable I heard many of you going
151. 5:49yes uncomfortable it feels very awkward
152. 5:51doesn't it so what do we do now a couple
153. 5:53of you probably like watching somebody
154. 5:55suffer okay but most of us don't so what
155. 5:58do we do we sit there and we nod and we
156. 6:01smile or we
157. 6:02disengage and to the nervous speaker
158. 6:05looking out at his or her audience
159. 6:06seeing a bunch of people nodding or
160. 6:07disengaged that does not help okay so we
161. 6:10need to learn to manage our anxiety
162. 6:12because fundamentally your job as a
163. 6:14communicator rather regardless of if
164. 6:15it's planned or spontaneous is to make
165. 6:18your audience comfortable because if
166. 6:20they're comfortable they can receive
167. 6:21your message and when I say comfortable
168. 6:24I am not referring to the fact that that
169. 6:26your message has to be sugarcoated and
170. 6:28nice and them to hear it can be a harsh
171. 6:31message but they have to be in a place
172. 6:33where they can receive it so it's
173. 6:35incumbent on you as a communicator to
174. 6:37help your audience feel comfortable and
175. 6:40we do that by managing our anxiety so
176. 6:43let me introduce you to a few techniques
177. 6:44that I think you can use right away to
178. 6:46help you feel more
179. 6:49comfortable the first has to do with
180. 6:51when you begin to feel those anxiety
181. 6:53symptoms for most people this happens in
182. 6:55the initial minutes prior to
183. 6:58speaking in this situation what happens
184. 7:00is many of us begin to feel whatever it
185. 7:02is that happens to you maybe your
186. 7:04stomach gets a little gurgly maybe your
187. 7:06legs begin to shake maybe you begin to
188. 7:08perspire and then we start to say to
189. 7:10ourselves oh my goodness I'm nervous
190. 7:13uhoh they're going to tell I'm nervous
191. 7:15this is not going to go well and we
192. 7:16start spiraling out of
193. 7:18control so research on mindful attention
194. 7:21tells us that if when we begin to feel
195. 7:24those anxiety symptoms we simply greet
196. 7:27our anxiety and say hey this this is me
197. 7:30feeling nervous I'm about to do
198. 7:31something of
199. 7:33consequence and simply by greeting your
200. 7:35anxiety and acknowledging it that it's
201. 7:37normal and natural heck 85% of people
202. 7:40tell us they have it you actually can
203. 7:43stem the tide of that anxiety spiraling
204. 7:45out of control it's not necessarily
205. 7:47going to reduce the anxiety but it will
206. 7:50stop it from spinning up so the next
207. 7:52time you begin to feel those anx anxiety
208. 7:55signs take a deep breath and say this is
209. 7:58me feeling anxious
210. 8:00I notice a few of you taking some notes
211. 8:02there's a handout that will come at the
212. 8:03end that has everything that I'm
213. 8:06supposed to say okay can't guarantee I'm
214. 8:09going to say it but I you'll have it
215. 8:11there in addition to this approach a
216. 8:13technique that works very well and this
217. 8:15is a a technique that I helped do some
218. 8:17research on way back when I was in
219. 8:18graduate school has to do with reframing
220. 8:22how you see the speaking situation most
221. 8:25of us when we are up presenting planned
222. 8:27or spontaneous we feel that we have to
223. 8:30do it right and we feel like we are
224. 8:33performing how many of you have ever
225. 8:35acted done singing or dancing I'm not
226. 8:37going to ask for performances now okay
227. 8:39many of you have we should note that we
228. 8:41could do next year maybe a talent show
229. 8:43of alums it looks like we got the talent
230. 8:45there that's
231. 8:46great so when you perform you know that
232. 8:49there's a right way and a wrong way to
233. 8:50do it if you don't hit your the right
234. 8:53note or your right line at the right
235. 8:55time at the right place you've made a
236. 8:58mistake it messes up the audience it
237. 9:00messes up the people on stage but when
238. 9:03you present there is no right way
239. 9:06there's certainly better and worse ways
240. 9:07but there is no one right way so we need
241. 9:10to look at presenting as something other
242. 9:12than performance and what I'd like to
243. 9:14suggest is what we need to see this as
244. 9:16is a
245. 9:17conversation right now I'm having a
246. 9:19conversation with a 100 plus
247. 9:22people rather than saying I'm performing
248. 9:24for you but it's not enough just to say
249. 9:27this is a conversation I want to give
250. 9:29you some concrete things you can do
251. 9:32first start with questions questions by
252. 9:36their very nature are dialogic they're
253. 9:39two-way what was one of the very first
254. 9:41things I did here for you I had you
255. 9:43count the number of fs and raise your
256. 9:45hands I asked you a question that gets
257. 9:47your audience involved it makes it feel
258. 9:50to me as the presenter as if we are in
259. 9:52conversation so use questions they can
260. 9:54be rhetorical they can be polling
261. 9:56perhaps I actually want to hear
262. 9:57information from you
263. 10:00in fact I use questions when I create an
264. 10:02outline for my presentations rather than
265. 10:05writing bullet points I list questions
266. 10:07that I'm going to answer and that puts
267. 10:09me in that conversational mode if you
268. 10:11were to look at my notes for today's
269. 10:13talk you'll see it's just a series of
270. 10:15questions right now I'm answering the
271. 10:17question how do we manage our
272. 10:20anxiety Beyond questions another very
273. 10:23useful technique for making us
274. 10:25conversational is to use conversational
275. 10:28language
276. 10:30many nervous speakers distance
277. 10:32themselves physically if you've ever
278. 10:33seen a nervous speaker present he or she
279. 10:36will say something like this welcome I
280. 10:38am really excited to be here with
281. 10:40you they pull as far away from you as
282. 10:43possible because you threaten us
283. 10:45speakers you make us nervous so we want
284. 10:47to get away from you we do the same
285. 10:49thing linguistically we use language
286. 10:51that distances ourselves It's Not
287. 10:54Unusual to hear a nervous speaker say
288. 10:56something like one must consider the
289. 10:57ramifications
290. 11:00or today we're going to cover step one
291. 11:02step two step three that's very
292. 11:04distancing language to be more
293. 11:06conversational use conversational
294. 11:08language instead of one must consider
295. 11:09say this is important to you we all need
296. 11:12to be concerned with do you hear that
297. 11:14inclusive conversational language has to
298. 11:16do with the pronouns instead of step one
299. 11:19step two step three first what we need
300. 11:21to do is this the second thing you
301. 11:23should consider is
302. 11:25here use conversational language so
303. 11:28being conversation can also help you
304. 11:30manage your
305. 11:32anxiety the third technique I'd like to
306. 11:34share is research that I actually
307. 11:36started when I was an undergraduate here
308. 11:38I was very fortunate to study with Phil
309. 11:39zimbardo of the Stanford Prison
310. 11:41Experiment Fame many people don't know
311. 11:44that Zim actually was instrumental in
312. 11:47starting one of the very first shinness
313. 11:50institutes in the world and especially
314. 11:52in the country and I did some research
315. 11:54with him that looked at how your
316. 11:56orientation to time influences is how
317. 12:00you react and what we learned is if you
318. 12:03can bring yourself into the present
319. 12:04moment rather than being worried about
320. 12:06the future
321. 12:08consequences you can actually be less
322. 12:10nervous most of us when we present are
323. 12:12worried about the future consequences my
324. 12:14students are worried they're not going
325. 12:16to get the right grade some of you are
326. 12:17worried you might not get the funding
327. 12:19you might not get the support you might
328. 12:20not get the laughs that you want all of
329. 12:23those are future States so if we can
330. 12:25bring ourselves into the present moment
331. 12:28we're not going to be is concerned about
332. 12:30those future States and therefore will
333. 12:31be less nervous there are lots of ways
334. 12:34to become present
335. 12:35oriented I know a professional speaker
336. 12:38he's paid
337. 12:39$10,000 an hour to speak it's a good gig
338. 12:43he gets very nervous he's up in front of
339. 12:45crowds of thousands behind the stage
340. 12:47what he does is a hundred push-ups right
341. 12:49before he comes out you can't be that
342. 12:52physically active and not be in the
343. 12:54present moment now I'm not recommending
344. 12:55all of us go to that level of exertion
345. 12:57cuz he starts out of breath sweaty right
346. 13:01but a walk around the building before
347. 13:03you speak that can do it there are other
348. 13:05ways if you've ever watched athletes
349. 13:07perform and get ready to do their event
350. 13:09they listen to music they focus on a
351. 13:12song or a playlist that helps get them
352. 13:13in the moment you can do things as
353. 13:15simple as counting backwards from a
354. 13:17hundred by tough numbers like
355. 13:2017 I'm going to pause because I know
356. 13:22people in the room are trying yeah gets
357. 13:24hard after that third or fourth one I
358. 13:26know my favorite way to get present
359. 13:28oriented is is to say tongue
360. 13:30twisters saying a tongue twister forces
361. 13:33you to be in the moment otherwise you'll
362. 13:34say it wrong and it has the added
363. 13:36benefit of warming up your voice most
364. 13:38nervous speakers don't warm up their
365. 13:41voice they Retreat inside themselves and
366. 13:43start saying all these bad things to
367. 13:44themselves so saying a tongue twister
368. 13:46can help you be both present oriented
369. 13:48and warm up your
370. 13:49voice remember I said today we're going
371. 13:51to have a lot of participation I'm going
372. 13:53to ask you to repeat after me my
373. 13:55favorite tongue twister and I like this
374. 13:57tongue twister because if you say get
375. 13:59wrong you say a naughty word and I'm
376. 14:01going to be listening to see if I hear
377. 14:03any naughty words this
378. 14:04morning repeat after me it's only three
379. 14:06phrases I slit a
380. 14:10sheet a sheet I
381. 14:13slit and on that slitted sheet I
382. 14:20sit oh very good no shits
383. 14:23excellent very good now in that moment
384. 14:28in that moment
385. 14:30you weren't worried about I'm in front
386. 14:31of all these people this is weird this
387. 14:34guy's having me do this you were so
388. 14:35focused on saying it right and trying to
389. 14:37figure out what the naughty word was
390. 14:39that you were in the present moment
391. 14:41that's how easy it is so it's very
392. 14:44possible for us to manage our anxiety we
393. 14:48can do it initially by greeting the
394. 14:50anxiety when we begin to feel those
395. 14:51signs we can do it when we reframe the
396. 14:55situation as a
397. 14:56conversation and we do it when we become
398. 14:59present oriented those are three of many
399. 15:02tools that exist to help you manage your
400. 15:04anxiety if you have questions about
401. 15:07other ways I'm happy to chat with you
402. 15:09and at the end I'm going to point you to
403. 15:10some resources that you can refer to to
404. 15:12help you find additional sources for
405. 15:16you so let's get started on the core
406. 15:19part of what we're doing today which is
407. 15:21how to feel more comfortable speaking in
408. 15:23spontaneous situations some very simple
409. 15:26ground rules for
410. 15:27you first
411. 15:29I'm going to identify four steps that I
412. 15:31believe are critical to becoming
413. 15:33effective at speaking in in a
414. 15:34spontaneous situation with each of those
415. 15:37steps I'm going to ask you to
416. 15:38participate in an activity none of them
417. 15:40are more painful than saying the tongue
418. 15:42twister out loud they may require you to
419. 15:45stand up they might require you to talk
420. 15:46to the person next to you but none of
421. 15:48them are painful and then finally I'm
422. 15:50going to conclude with a phrase or
423. 15:53saying that comes from the wonderful
424. 15:54world of
425. 15:56improvisation through the continuing
426. 15:58studies program here at Stanford for the
427. 16:00past 5 years I have co-taught a class
428. 16:02with Adam Tobin he is a lecturer in the
429. 16:06uh creative arts department he teaches
430. 16:08film and New Media and he's an expert at
431. 16:11improv and we've partnered together to
432. 16:13help people learn how to speak more
433. 16:15spontaneously we call it
434. 16:16improvisationally speaking and Adam has
435. 16:19taught me wonderful phrases and ideas
436. 16:21from improv that I want to impart to you
437. 16:24they really stick that's why I'm sharing
438. 16:25them with you to help you remember these
439. 16:27techniques and again at the end of all
440. 16:29this you'll get a handout that has this
441. 16:30listed so let's get started the very
442. 16:34first thing that gets in people's way
443. 16:36when it comes to spontaneous speaking is
444. 16:40themselves we get in our own way we want
445. 16:44to be perfect we want to give the right
446. 16:47answer we want our toast to be
447. 16:49incredibly memorable these things are
448. 16:52burdened by our effort by our trying the
449. 16:56best thing we can do the first step in
450. 16:59our process is to get ourselves out of
451. 17:02the way easier said than done most of us
452. 17:06in this room are in this room because we
453. 17:08are type A personalities we work hard we
454. 17:10think fast we make sure that we get
455. 17:13things right but that can actually serve
456. 17:15as a disservice as we try to speak in
457. 17:18the
458. 17:19moment I'd like to demonstrate a little
459. 17:22of this for you and I need your help to
460. 17:23do that so we're going to do our first
461. 17:25activity we are going to do an activity
462. 17:27that's called Shout the wrong name in a
463. 17:31moment if you are able and willing I'm
464. 17:33going to ask you to stand and I am going
465. 17:36to ask you for about 30 seconds to look
466. 17:39all around you in this environment and
467. 17:41you are going to point at different
468. 17:42things and I know it's rude to point but
469. 17:44for this exercise please point I want
470. 17:46you to point to things and you are going
471. 17:47to call the things you are pointing to
472. 17:49out loud anything but what they really
473. 17:53are so I might point to this and say
474. 17:56refrigerator I might point to this and
475. 17:59say cat I am pointing to anything in
476. 18:02your environment around you can be the
477. 18:04person sitting next to you standing next
478. 18:05to you you will just shout and shouting
479. 18:08is important the wrong
480. 18:12name so in a moment I'm going to ask you
481. 18:14to stand and do that please raise your
482. 18:17hand if you already have the first five
483. 18:19or six things you're going to call
484. 18:22out yeah that's what I'm talking about
485. 18:26we stockpile you all are excellent game
486. 18:30players I told you the game shout the
487. 18:32wrong name and you have already begun
488. 18:34figuring out how you're going to master
489. 18:36the game that's your brain trying to
490. 18:39help you get it
491. 18:41right I'd like to suggest the only way
492. 18:44you can get this activity wrong is by
493. 18:46doing what you've just
494. 18:48done there is no way to get this wrong
495. 18:52okay even if I call this a chair no
496. 18:55penalty will be bestowed upon you
497. 18:59okay CU I won't know what you were
498. 19:01pointing at you could have been pointing
499. 19:02at the floor under the chair and you
500. 19:04called the floor the chair and you were
501. 19:06fine the point is we are planning and
502. 19:09working to get it right and there is no
503. 19:11way to get it right just doing it gets
504. 19:14it right okay so let's try this now
505. 19:16we're going to play this game twice
506. 19:18again it's for 30 seconds if you are
507. 19:19willing and able will you please stand
508. 19:21up you can do this seated by the way but
509. 19:23if you're willing and able let's stand
510. 19:24up okay in a moment I am about to say go
511. 19:28and I would like for you to point at
512. 19:30anything around here including me it's
513. 19:32okay to point at me I hope it's not a
514. 19:34bad thing you say when you point at me
515. 19:36but point at different things and loudly
516. 19:38and proudly call them different than
517. 19:41what they are ready
518. 19:45begin
519. 19:47porcupine
520. 19:49California salt
521. 19:51shaker
522. 19:53car
523. 19:54Library tennis
524. 19:57racket per
525. 19:59purple
526. 20:01orange
527. 20:03putrid
528. 20:07hello
529. 20:09time
530. 20:14time let's you can stay standing because
531. 20:16in a mere moments we're going to do it
532. 20:18again so if you're comfortable standing
533. 20:19we're about to do it again first thank
534. 20:21you that was wonderful I heard great
535. 20:23words being called out it was it was fun
536. 20:25and some of you in the back were doing
537. 20:27it in sync so it looked like you were
538. 20:28doing 7s disco dance it was awesome okay
539. 20:32this this was great now let me ask you
540. 20:34just a few questions did you notice
541. 20:37anything about the words that you were
542. 20:39saying did we find patterns perhaps
543. 20:43maybe some of you were going through
544. 20:44fruits and vegetables a few of you were
545. 20:47going through things that started with
546. 20:49the letter
547. 20:50a right that's your brain saying okay
548. 20:53you told me not to stockpile so I'm
549. 20:55going to try to be a little more devious
550. 20:57and I'm going to give you p
551. 20:59patterns okay same
552. 21:02problem when we teach that class I told
553. 21:05you about that improvisationally
554. 21:06speaking class we like to say your brain
555. 21:08is there to help you these things it's
556. 21:10doing have helped you be successful but
557. 21:12like a windshield wiper we just want to
558. 21:14wipe those suggestions away and see what
559. 21:17happens okay so we're going to do this
560. 21:19activity
561. 21:21again this time try the best you can to
562. 21:24thank your brain if it provides you with
563. 21:26patterns or stock piles and just say
564. 21:27thank you brain
565. 21:29and disregard them okay so let's see
566. 21:31what happens when we're not stockpiling
567. 21:33and we're not playing off patterns we'll
568. 21:35do this for only 15 seconds see how this
569. 21:38feels baby steps ready
570. 21:42begin
571. 21:44Kodak bicycle chain
572. 21:48skateboard
573. 21:50bananas
574. 21:53purple putrid
575. 22:03time please have a seat thank you
576. 22:07again did you notice a
577. 22:10difference between the second time and
578. 22:13the first time yes was it a little
579. 22:16easier that second time
580. 22:19no that's okay we're just starting these
581. 22:23skills are not like a light switch it's
582. 22:25not like you learn these SKS skills and
583. 22:26then all of the sudden you can execute
584. 22:28on them this is a wonderful game this is
585. 22:31a wonderful game to train your brain to
586. 22:34get out of its own way you can play this
587. 22:37game anywhere anytime I like to play
588. 22:39this game when I'm sitting in
589. 22:41traffic makes me feel better than the I
590. 22:43shout things out they're not the naughty
591. 22:45things that I want to be shouting out
592. 22:47but I shout out things and it helps
593. 22:49you're training yourself to get out of
594. 22:51your own way you're working against the
595. 22:52muscle memory that you've developed over
596. 22:55the course of your life with a brain
597. 22:57that acts very fast to help you solve
598. 22:58problems but in essence in spontaneous
599. 23:00speaking situations you put too much
600. 23:03pressure on yourself trying to figure
601. 23:04out how to get it
602. 23:07right so a game like this teaches us to
603. 23:09get out of our own way it teaches us to
604. 23:12see the things that we do that prevent
605. 23:15us from acting
606. 23:18spontaneously in essence we are reacting
607. 23:21rather than responding to react means to
608. 23:24act again you've thought it and now
609. 23:27you're acting on it that takes too long
610. 23:29and it's too thoughtful we want to
611. 23:31respond in a way that's genuine and
612. 23:35authentic so the maxim I would like for
613. 23:37you to take from this and again these
614. 23:39maxims come from improvisation is one of
615. 23:41my favorite dare to be dull and in a
616. 23:45room like this telling you dare to be
617. 23:47dull is offensive and I apologize but
618. 23:50this will help rather than stre striving
619. 23:53for
620. 23:54greatness dare to be dull and if you
621. 23:57dare to be D D and allow yourself that
622. 24:00you will reach that greatness it's when
623. 24:02you set greatness as your target that it
624. 24:06gets in the way of you ever getting
625. 24:07there because you over evaluate you
626. 24:09overanalyze you freeze up so the first
627. 24:13step in our process today is to get out
628. 24:16of Our Own Way dare to be dull easier
629. 24:19said than done but once you practice in
630. 24:22a game just as simple as the one we
631. 24:23practiced is a great way to do
632. 24:26it but that's not enough getting out of
633. 24:29our own way is important but the second
634. 24:31step of our process has us change how we
635. 24:34see the situation we find ourselves in
636. 24:37we need to see the speaking opportunity
637. 24:40that we are a part of as an opportunity
638. 24:43rather than a challenge and a
639. 24:45threat when I coach Executives on Q&A
640. 24:49skills when they go in front of the
641. 24:51media or whatever
642. 24:54investors they see it as an adversarial
643. 24:57experience
644. 24:59me versus them and one of the first
645. 25:02things I work on is change the way you
646. 25:04approach it a Q&A session for example is
647. 25:07an opportunity for you it's an
648. 25:09opportunity to clarify it's an
649. 25:10opportunity to understand what people
650. 25:12are thinking so if we look at it as an
651. 25:14opportunity it feels very different we
652. 25:18see it differently and therefore we have
653. 25:20more freedom to respond when I feel that
654. 25:22you are challenging me I am going to do
655. 25:24the bare minimum to respond and protect
656. 25:28myself
657. 25:29if I see this as an opportunity where I
658. 25:31have a chance to explain and expand I'm
659. 25:33going to interact differently with you
660. 25:36so spontaneous speaking situations are
661. 25:39ones that afford you
662. 25:41opportunities so when you're at a
663. 25:42corporate dinner and your boss turns to
664. 25:44you and says oh you know him better than
665. 25:46the rest would you mind introducing him
666. 25:48you say great thank you for the
667. 25:49opportunity rather
668. 25:51than right I better get this
669. 25:54right so see things as an opportunity
670. 25:59commity I have a game to play to help us
671. 26:01with this this is a fun one the holidays
672. 26:04are approaching we all in this room are
673. 26:07going to give and receive gifts here's
674. 26:10how this game will work it works best if
675. 26:12you have a partner so I'm hoping you can
676. 26:15work with somebody sitting next to you
677. 26:16if there's nobody sitting next to you
678. 26:18turn around introduce yourself great way
679. 26:20to connect if not you can play this game
680. 26:22by yourself it's just a little harder
681. 26:23and you can't do the second part of the
682. 26:25game so after I explain the game this
683. 26:27gives you a chance to to get to know
684. 26:29somebody here's how it works if you have
685. 26:31a partner you and your partner are going
686. 26:33to exchange imaginary gifts okay pretend
687. 26:37you have a gift can be a big gift can be
688. 26:40a small gift and you will give your gift
689. 26:42to your
690. 26:43partner your partner will take the gift
691. 26:46and open it up and will tell you what
692. 26:48you gave them because you have no you
693. 26:50just gave them a gift so you are going
694. 26:52to open up the box and you're going to
695. 26:54look inside and you are going to say the
696. 26:55first thing that comes to your mind in
697. 26:57the moment not the thing you have all
698. 26:59just thought
699. 27:01of or the thing after that remember what
700. 27:04we talked about before that still plays
701. 27:06that's still in play okay you're
702. 27:08stockpiling look in there my favorite
703. 27:11that I said somebody gave me this a gift
704. 27:13during playing this game I looked inside
705. 27:15and I saw a frog leg I don't know why I
706. 27:17saw a frog leg but that's what I said
707. 27:20that's the first part of the activity
708. 27:22now the opportunity is twofold in this
709. 27:26game the opportunity is for you the gift
710. 27:28receiver to name a gift that's kind of
711. 27:30fun that's an opportunity it's not a
712. 27:32threat but the real opportunity is for
713. 27:34the Gift Giver because the Gift Giver
714. 27:37then has to
715. 27:38say so you look in you say thank you for
716. 27:40giving me a frog's leg and the person
717. 27:42will will look at you and say I knew you
718. 27:43wanted a frog's leg because so whatever
719. 27:47you find the person who has received it
720. 27:50is going to say absolutely I'm so glad
721. 27:53you're happy I got it for you because so
722. 27:55you have to respond to whatever they say
723. 27:58right what a great opportunity now some
724. 28:01of you are sitting there going oh that's
725. 28:02hard I don't want to do I'm going to
726. 28:03make a fool out of myself others of you
727. 28:04are if you're following this advice are
728. 28:05saying what a great opportunity right so
729. 28:09the game again is played like this you
730. 28:11and your partner will exchange a each
731. 28:13will exchange a gift one will start then
732. 28:14the other will follow the first person
733. 28:16will give a gift to the second person
734. 28:18second person opens the Box however big
735. 28:20the box is and if the box is big and you
736. 28:22find a penny in it perfect doesn't
737. 28:23matter if the box is heavy and you find
738. 28:25a feather in it fine it does there's no
739. 28:27way to get it wrong wrong okay
740. 28:29whatever's in the box is in the Box you
741. 28:30can return it and get what you wanted
742. 28:32later
743. 28:34okay the person then you will name it
744. 28:37you will say thank you for the whatever
745. 28:40you saw in the Box the person who gave
746. 28:42it to you will say I'm so glad you're
747. 28:44excited I got it for you
748. 28:46because and you will give a reason that
749. 28:49you got them whatever they decided you
750. 28:50gave them make sense all right so very
751. 28:54quickly just in 5 seconds find a partner
752. 28:56if you're willing to do this with a
753. 28:57partner everybody have a partner
754. 29:04okay all right in your
755. 29:07Partnerships in your
756. 29:09Partnerships pick an a person and a b
757. 29:12person you may stand or sit it's totally
758. 29:14up to
759. 29:15you pick an A and pick a
760. 29:18b okay B goes
761. 29:23first all
762. 29:25right B give a a gift B give a a gift a
763. 29:30thank them and then B will name and give
764. 29:33the reason they gave it to him
765. 29:47[Applause]
766. 30:04[Applause]
767. 30:06if you have not switched switch please
768. 30:09if you have not switched switch please
769. 30:37let's wrap it up in 30 seconds please
770. 30:40let's wrap it
771. 30:50up all right if we can all have our
772. 30:53seats
773. 30:59if we can
774. 31:01all take our seats
775. 31:06please I know I'm telling a room of
776. 31:09many MBA alums to stop talking and
777. 31:12that's
778. 31:18hard all right ladies and
779. 31:21gentlemen did you get what you
780. 31:24wanted pretty neat huh you always get
781. 31:27what you want
782. 31:28now for some of you this was really hard
783. 31:30because you you were really taking the
784. 31:32challenge and not seeing what was in the
785. 31:34Box until you looked in there okay was
786. 31:37anybody surprised by what you found in
787. 31:39the Box what did you find sir what was
788. 31:41in the
789. 31:42Box
790. 31:44what uh
791. 31:46wow nice nice if you've got a Ferrari
792. 31:50you need a transmission I like it who
793. 31:52else found something that was surprising
794. 31:54what did you find a live unicorn a live
795. 31:56unicorn that's a great gift right how
796. 32:01was it as the Gift Giver were you
797. 32:03surprised at what your partner found in
798. 32:05the Box isn't it interesting that when
799. 32:07we give an imaginary gift knowing that
800. 32:09the person's going to name it we already
801. 32:10have in mind what they're going to find
802. 32:12and when they say live unicorn we go
803. 32:14well that's interesting right
804. 32:17so the point of this game is to one
805. 32:22remind ourselves we have to get out of
806. 32:23our own way like we talked about before
807. 32:25but to see this as an opportunity and to
808. 32:27have fun I love watching people play
809. 32:30this game the number of smiles that I
810. 32:33saw amongst you and and I have to admit
811. 32:35when I first started some of you looked
812. 32:36a little dower a little doubting okay
813. 32:39but in that last game you were all
814. 32:40smiling and looked like you were having
815. 32:42fun so when you reframe the spontaneous
816. 32:45speaking opportunity as as an
817. 32:47opportunity as something that you can
818. 32:50co-create and share all of the sudden
819. 32:53you are less nervous less defensive and
820. 32:56you can accomplish something pretty darn
821. 32:58good in this case a fun
822. 33:00outcome this reminds us of perhaps the
823. 33:03most famous of all improvisation sayings
824. 33:06yes and a lot of us live our
825. 33:09communication lives saying no
826. 33:12but yes and opens up a tremendous amount
827. 33:15of opportunities and this doesn't mean
828. 33:17you have to say yes and to a question
829. 33:19somebody asked this just means the
830. 33:21approach you take to the
831. 33:23situation so you're going to ask me
832. 33:25questions that's an opportunity yes and
833. 33:27will follow through versus no in being
834. 33:31defensive so we've accomplished the
835. 33:33first two steps of our process first we
836. 33:36get out of our own way and second we
837. 33:38reframe the situation as an
838. 33:41opportunity the next phase is also hard
839. 33:45but very rewarding and that is to slow
840. 33:49down and listen you need to understand
841. 33:52the demands of the requirement you find
842. 33:54yourself in in order to respond
843. 33:57appropriately
844. 33:58but often we jump ahead we listen just
845. 34:02enough to think we got it and then we go
846. 34:04ahead starting our to think about what
847. 34:07we're going to respond and then we
848. 34:08respond we really need to listen because
849. 34:11fundamentally as a communicator your job
850. 34:13is to be in service of your audience and
851. 34:15if you don't understand what your
852. 34:16audience is asking or needs you can't
853. 34:18fulfill that obligation so we need to
854. 34:21slow down and
855. 34:23listen I have a fun game to play
856. 34:28in this game you are going to s p l l e
857. 34:31v r y t h i n g y o u s a y t o y o u r
858. 34:39p a r t n e
859. 34:42r i will
860. 34:45translate you're going to get with the
861. 34:47same partner you just worked with and
862. 34:49you are going to have a very brief
863. 34:50conversation about something fun that
864. 34:52you plan to do today I know this is the
865. 34:55most fun you're going to have all day
866. 34:56but the next fun thing you're going to
867. 34:57do today you are going to tell your
868. 34:59partner what you are going to do that
869. 35:00will be fun today but you are going to
870. 35:02do so by s p l l i n g it
871. 35:07t okay so you're going to spell
872. 35:11it it's okay if you are not a good
873. 35:15speller okay the I you'll see the
874. 35:19benefit of doing this so with the
875. 35:21partner you just worked with person a is
876. 35:23going to go first this time you are
877. 35:25simply going to tell your partner
878. 35:26actually you're going to expell to your
879. 35:28partner what it is of fun something of
880. 35:32fun that you're going to do today okay
881. 35:35do what you were really going to do for
882. 35:36fun and not do things like Fe d t h e c
883. 35:40a t right just because you don't want to
884. 35:41spell right so you can use big words all
885. 35:44right 30 seconds each spell to your
886. 35:47partner something fun that you're going
887. 35:48to do
888. 35:54today would you like to play
889. 35:58go g o t h e g a m
890. 36:02e oh my goodness say it again spell it
891. 36:04again o y t h yep g a m e ex c e l l n t
892. 36:11i h o p e t h a t t h e y w i
893. 36:17n c l n thank you that was very good
894. 36:22thank you
895. 36:43if you have not switched switch take 30
896. 36:47more seconds with the new partner
897. 36:49spelling
898. 37:10g a t exclamation point t a n k y o u p
899. 37:16l e a s e t a k e y o u r s e a t
900. 37:30so what did we
901. 37:32learn what did we learn besides that
902. 37:35we're not so good at spelling got to
903. 37:38pause between the words you have to
904. 37:39pause between the
905. 37:42words how did this change your
906. 37:45interaction with the person you were
907. 37:46interacting with what did you have to do
908. 37:49Focus FOC focus and
909. 37:52listen and you can't be thinking ahead
910. 37:55you have to be in the moment when you
911. 37:57listen and truly understand what the
912. 38:00person is trying to say then you can
913. 38:02respond in a better way a more targeted
914. 38:05response we often don't
915. 38:08listen so we start by getting out of our
916. 38:12own way we then reframe the situation as
917. 38:16an opportunity those are things we do
918. 38:18inside our head but in the moment of
919. 38:19interacting we have to listen first
920. 38:21before we can respond to the spontaneous
921. 38:24request perhaps my most favorite
922. 38:28Maxim comes from this activity don't
923. 38:31just do something stand
924. 38:34there
925. 38:36listen listen and then
926. 38:41respond now how do we respond that
927. 38:43brings us to the fourth part of our
928. 38:45process and that is we have to tell a
929. 38:49story we respond in a way that has a
930. 38:52structure all stories have structure we
931. 38:54have to respond in a structured way the
932. 38:57the key to successful spontaneous
933. 38:59speaking and by the way planed speaking
934. 39:01is having a
935. 39:03structure I would like to introduce you
936. 39:05to two of the most prevalent and popular
937. 39:08and useful structures you can use to
938. 39:10communicate a message in a spontaneous
939. 39:13situation but before we get there we
940. 39:15have to talk about the value of
941. 39:16structure it increases what is called
942. 39:18processing fluency the effectiveness of
943. 39:21which or through which we process
944. 39:24information we actually process
945. 39:26structured information roughly 40% more
946. 39:29effectively and efficiently than
947. 39:31information that's not structured I love
948. 39:34looking out in this audience because you
949. 39:35will remember as I remember phone
950. 39:37numbers when you had to remember them if
951. 39:39you wanted to call somebody okay Young
952. 39:42Folks today don't need to remember phone
953. 39:44numbers they just need to look at a
954. 39:46picture push a button and then the voice
955. 39:47starts talking on the other end 10-digit
956. 39:49phone numbers it's actually hard to
957. 39:51remember 10-digit phone numbers how did
958. 39:52you do it you chunked it into a
959. 39:54structure three three and four structure
960. 39:57helps us
961. 39:59remember the same is true when speaking
962. 40:02spontaneously or in a planned situation
963. 40:04so let me introduce you to two useful
964. 40:05structures the first useful structure
965. 40:07you have probably heard or used in some
966. 40:09Incarnation it is the problem solution
967. 40:12benefit structure you start by talking
968. 40:14about what the issue is the
969. 40:17problem you then talk about a way of
970. 40:19solving it and then you talk about the
971. 40:20benefits of following through on it very
972. 40:22persuasive very effective helps you as
973. 40:25the speaker remember it helps your
974. 40:26audience know where where you're going
975. 40:27with it when I was a tour guide on this
976. 40:30campus many many many years
977. 40:33ago what do you think the single most
978. 40:36important thing they drilled into our
979. 40:37head it took a full quarter by the way
980. 40:39to train to be a tour guide here they
981. 40:41used to line us up at one end of the
982. 40:43quad and have us walk backwards straight
983. 40:45and if you failed you had to start over
984. 40:47to this day I can walk backwards in a
985. 40:49straight line because of that as part of
986. 40:51that training what do you think the most
987. 40:53important thing they taught us
988. 40:55was never lose your tour
989. 41:00group I'm not Jo never that's never lose
990. 41:03your tour
991. 41:04group the same is true as a presenter
992. 41:07never lose your audience the way you
993. 41:09keep your audience on track is by
994. 41:11providing structure none of you would go
995. 41:13on a tour with me if I said hi my name
996. 41:14is Matt let's
997. 41:17go you want to know where you're going
998. 41:19why you're going there how long it's
999. 41:20going to take you need to set
1000. 41:22expectations and structure does that
1001. 41:24problem solution benefit is a wonderful
1002. 41:26structure to have in your back
1003. 41:28pocket it's something that you can use
1004. 41:30quickly when you're in the
1005. 41:33moment it can be reframed so it's not
1006. 41:35always a problem you're talking about
1007. 41:36maybe it's an opportunity maybe there's
1008. 41:38a market opportunity you want to go out
1009. 41:40and capture it's not a problem that
1010. 41:41we're not doing it but maybe we'd be
1011. 41:42better off if we did so it becomes
1012. 41:45opportunity solution which are the steps
1013. 41:47to achieve it and then the
1014. 41:50benefit another structure which works
1015. 41:53equally equally well is the what so what
1016. 41:57now what structure you start by talking
1017. 42:00about what it is then you talk about why
1018. 42:04it's important and then what the next
1019. 42:06steps
1020. 42:07are this is a wonderful formula for
1021. 42:11answering questions for introducing
1022. 42:13people so if in the moment somebody ask
1023. 42:16me to introduce somebody I change the
1024. 42:17what to who I say who they are why
1025. 42:19they're important and what we're going
1026. 42:21to do next maybe listen to them maybe
1027. 42:22drink our wine whatever right what so
1028. 42:25what now what the reality is this when
1029. 42:27you are in a spontaneous speaking
1030. 42:29situation you have to do two things
1031. 42:31simultaneously you have to figure out
1032. 42:33what to say and how to say it these
1033. 42:35structures help you by telling you how
1034. 42:38to say
1035. 42:40it if you can become comfortable with
1036. 42:43these structures you can be in a
1037. 42:45situation where you can respond very a
1038. 42:48to spontaneous speaking
1039. 42:50situations we're going to practice
1040. 42:52because that's what we do here's the
1041. 42:54situation is everybody familiar with
1042. 42:56this child's toy it's a Slinky okay you
1043. 42:59are going to sell this Slinky to your
1044. 43:02partner using either problem solution
1045. 43:05benefit or opportunity solution benefit
1046. 43:08what does the slinky provide
1047. 43:10you or you could use what so what now
1048. 43:13what what is it why is it important and
1049. 43:15the next steps might be to buy it okay
1050. 43:17so by using that structure see how
1051. 43:19already it helps you it helps you
1052. 43:23focus get with your partner and we're
1053. 43:26only going to have one part partner sell
1054. 43:27to the other partner okay so get with
1055. 43:30your partner one of you will volunteer
1056. 43:32to sell to the other okay sell a slinky
1057. 43:35using problem solution benefit or what
1058. 43:38so what now what please begin
1059. 43:57yeah so we have the handouts but I'm
1060. 43:59also going to be doing the the
1061. 44:01microphone so uh when I debrief this you
1062. 44:04can go ahead and pass them out does that
1063. 44:05make sense after after QA no no um after
1064. 44:08this activity okay and after that we'll
1065. 44:10do
1066. 44:26correct e
1067. 45:0830 more seconds
1068. 45:21please excellent let's all close the
1069. 45:24deal seal the deal
1070. 45:31I have never
1071. 45:32seen more people in one place doing this
1072. 45:35at the same
1073. 45:37time I love it I teach people to gesture
1074. 45:40and gesture big it's great I love it so
1075. 45:42if you were the recipient of the the
1076. 45:45sales pitch thumbs up did they do a good
1077. 45:48job did they use the structure awesome
1078. 45:52I'm recruiting you all for my next
1079. 45:53business as my
1080. 45:55salese please try to ignore this but as
1081. 45:58we're speaking the handout I told you
1082. 46:00about is coming around on the back of
1083. 46:02that handout you are going to see a list
1084. 46:04of structures the two we talked about
1085. 46:07and several others that can help you in
1086. 46:09spontaneous speaking situations these
1087. 46:11structures help because they help you
1088. 46:14understand how you're going to say what
1089. 46:16you say structure sets you free and I
1090. 46:19know that's kind of ironic but it's true
1091. 46:21if you have that structure then you're
1092. 46:22free to think about what it is you're
1093. 46:24going to say it reduces the cognitive
1094. 46:27load of figuring out what you're saying
1095. 46:29and how you're going to say it all of
1096. 46:31this is on that handout
1097. 46:34okay so what does this all mean it means
1098. 46:38that we have within our
1099. 46:41ability the tools and the approaches to
1100. 46:44help us in spontaneous speaking
1101. 46:46situations the very first thing we have
1102. 46:48to do is manage our anxiety because you
1103. 46:50can't be an effective speaker if you
1104. 46:53don't have your anxiety under control
1105. 46:56and we talked about how you can do that
1106. 46:57by greeting your anxiety reframing as a
1107. 47:00conversation and being in the present
1108. 47:02moment once you do that you need to
1109. 47:05practice a series of four steps that
1110. 47:07will help you speak spontaneously first
1111. 47:10you get out of your own way I would love
1112. 47:13it if all of you on your way from here
1113. 47:15to the football game point at things and
1114. 47:17call them the wrong name it'll be fun if
1115. 47:20most of us do it then it won't be weird
1116. 47:22if only one and two of us do it it'll be
1117. 47:23weird right second give gifts
1118. 47:27by that I mean see your interactions as
1119. 47:30ones of opportunity not
1120. 47:32challenges third take the time to
1121. 47:36listen
1122. 47:38listen and then finally use structures
1123. 47:42and you have to practice these
1124. 47:43structures I practice these structures
1125. 47:45on my kids I have two kids when they ask
1126. 47:47me questions I usually answer them in
1127. 47:48what so what now what they don't know it
1128. 47:52but when they go over to their friends
1129. 47:53houses and they see their friends ask
1130. 47:55their dad's questions they don't get
1131. 47:56what so so what now what so you know you
1132. 47:58have to practice the more you practice
1133. 48:00the more comfortable you will
1134. 48:02become ultimately you have the
1135. 48:05opportunity before you to become more
1136. 48:07compelling more confident more connected
1137. 48:09as a speaker if you leverage these
1138. 48:13techniques if you're interested in
1139. 48:15learning more this is where I do a
1140. 48:16little plug okay I've written a book
1141. 48:18many of the MBA students who take the
1142. 48:20Strategic communication classes here
1143. 48:21that I and others teach read it it's
1144. 48:23called speaking up without freaking
1145. 48:25out more importantly there's a website
1146. 48:27here that I curate called no freaking
1147. 48:30speaking and it has lots of information
1148. 48:33that I've written and others have
1149. 48:34written about how to become more
1150. 48:35effective at speaking so that's that's
1151. 48:37the end of my plug what I'd really like
1152. 48:39to do is enter into a spontaneous
1153. 48:41speaking situation with you and I would
1154. 48:44love to entertain any questions that you
1155. 48:46have there are two people who are
1156. 48:48running around with microphones so some
1157. 48:49of us who remember the Phil Donahue show
1158. 48:51uh we're going to do a little bit of
1159. 48:53that uh if you have a question the
1160. 48:54microphone will come and I'm happy to
1161. 48:56answer
1162. 48:58it I think if it on yeah we can hear you
1163. 49:01great um can you talk about hostile
1164. 49:04situations hostile situations yes so
1165. 49:06when you find yourself in a challenging
1166. 49:09situation first it should not become a
1167. 49:12surprise to you it should not be a
1168. 49:13surprise before you ever speak you
1169. 49:16should think about what is the
1170. 49:17environment going to be like so it
1171. 49:19shouldn't surprise you that there might
1172. 49:21be some challenges in the
1173. 49:23room when there are hostile situations
1174. 49:25that arise you have have to acknowledge
1175. 49:27it so if somebody says that's a
1176. 49:30ridiculous idea why did you come up with
1177. 49:32that to Simply say so the idea I came up
1178. 49:34with was right acknowledge the emotion I
1179. 49:37recommend not naming the
1180. 49:39emotion okay so you sound really angry
1181. 49:41person say I'm not angry I'm frustrated
1182. 49:43now we're arguing over their mental
1183. 49:44state right emotional state so so I say
1184. 49:46something like I hear you have a lot of
1185. 49:48passion on this issue or I hear there's
1186. 49:50great concern from you so you
1187. 49:51acknowledge the emotion because
1188. 49:52otherwise it sits in the room and then
1189. 49:55reframe a respond the way that makes
1190. 49:57sense so if somebody raises their hand
1191. 49:59and says your product is ridiculously
1192. 50:01priced why do you charge so
1193. 50:03much I might say I hear great concern
1194. 50:06and what you're really asking about is
1195. 50:08the value of our product and I would
1196. 50:09give my value proposition and then I
1197. 50:11would come back and say and because of
1198. 50:12the value we provide we believe it's
1199. 50:14priced fairly so you answer the question
1200. 50:16about price but you reframe it in a way
1201. 50:19that you feel more comfortable answering
1202. 50:22it so the way to do this is to practice
1203. 50:25all the skills we just talked about the
1204. 50:27only skill that I'm adding to this is
1205. 50:30the awareness in advance that you might
1206. 50:32be in that situation first I have to
1207. 50:34truly listen to what I'm hearing right
1208. 50:37it's very easy for me when I hear a
1209. 50:38challenging question to get all
1210. 50:40defensive and not hear what the person's
1211. 50:42asking I see it as an opportunity to
1212. 50:44reframe and explain okay so again you
1213. 50:47have to practice but that's how I think
1214. 50:49you address it are there other questions
1215. 50:51I see a question back here yes please
1216. 50:53yes first of all thank you very much
1217. 50:54great great presentation uh for a lot of
1218. 50:56the the um the speaking I do I have
1219. 50:59remote audiences audiences distributed
1220. 51:01all over uh the country with uh Telecom
1221. 51:03any tips for those kinds of audiences so
1222. 51:06when you are speaking in a situation
1223. 51:08where not everybody is collocated okay
1224. 51:10in fact right at this very moment there
1225. 51:12are people watching this presentation
1226. 51:15remotely what you need to do is be
1227. 51:18mindful of it second try to include
1228. 51:21engagement techniques where the audience
1229. 51:23actually has to do something so So
1230. 51:27Physical participation is what we did
1231. 51:28here through the games you can ask your
1232. 51:30audience to imagine something imagine
1233. 51:32what it would be like if when we try to
1234. 51:35achieve a goal rather than saying here's
1235. 51:36the goal we're trying to achieve say
1236. 51:38imagine what it would be like if see
1237. 51:39what that does to you it pulls you in I
1238. 51:41can take polling questions most of the
1239. 51:43technology that you're referring to has
1240. 51:45some kind of polling feature you can
1241. 51:47open up some kind of Wiki or Google doc
1242. 51:49or some collaborative tool where people
1243. 51:52can be doing things and you can be
1244. 51:53monitoring that while you're presenting
1245. 51:56so I might take some breaks I talk for
1246. 51:5810 15 minutes and say okay let's apply
1247. 52:00this and let's go into this Google doc
1248. 52:02I've created and I see what people are
1249. 52:04doing so it's about variety and it's
1250. 52:06about engagement those are the ways that
1251. 52:08you really connect to people who are
1252. 52:10remote from you okay other
1253. 52:13questions who you're pointing oh I've
1254. 52:15got to look for where the mic is yes
1255. 52:17please um this may be a similar to the
1256. 52:18first question but um I do a lot of
1257. 52:20expert witness testimony what's your
1258. 52:22recommendation for handling
1259. 52:24cross-examination specifically
1260. 52:27specifically being cross-examined right
1261. 52:29that's very hostile so in any speaking
1262. 52:32situation that you go into that has some
1263. 52:34planned element to it I recommend
1264. 52:36identifying certain themes that you
1265. 52:38think are important or believe need to
1266. 52:40come out and then with each one of those
1267. 52:41themes have some examples and concrete
1268. 52:44evidence that you can use to support it
1269. 52:46you don't go in with
1270. 52:48memorized terms or ways of saying it you
1271. 52:51just have ideas and themes and then you
1272. 52:52put them together as necessary so when
1273. 52:54I'm in a situation where people are
1274. 52:56interrogating me uh I have certain
1275. 52:58themes that I want to get across and
1276. 53:00make sure that I I can do that in a way
1277. 53:02that fits the needs in the moment if
1278. 53:04it's hostile again you the the single
1279. 53:08best tool you have to buy yourself time
1280. 53:11and to help you answer a question
1281. 53:12efficiently is paraphrasing the
1282. 53:14paraphrase is like the Swiss army knife
1283. 53:17of communication if you remember the
1284. 53:19show mcgyver it's your mver tool right
1285. 53:21so when a question comes in the way you
1286. 53:24paraphrase it allows you the opportunity
1287. 53:27to reframe it to think about your answer
1288. 53:30and to pause and make sure you got it
1289. 53:33right so when you're under those
1290. 53:34situations if you have the opportunity
1291. 53:35to paraphrase say so what you're really
1292. 53:37asking about is X Y and Z that gives you
1293. 53:39the opportunity to employ one of these
1294. 53:42techniques now I've never been an expert
1295. 53:44witness because I'm not an expert on
1296. 53:45anything but those tools I believe could
1297. 53:48be helpful the the microphone is back
1298. 53:51there thank you thank you so much this
1299. 53:53has been so helpful and enjoyable this
1300. 53:55morning thank you would would you please
1301. 53:56show the last screen so we can get down
1302. 53:58the name of the book that you've written
1303. 54:00and the information absolutely thank you
1304. 54:04I think they actually there you might
1305. 54:05even have an opportunity to it's on the
1306. 54:07sheet too everything I said is on the
1307. 54:09back of that sheet but I'm happy to have
1308. 54:10this behind me while I while I talk
1309. 54:13other questions yes please yes um I work
1310. 54:17with um groups that from that represent
1311. 54:20many different cultural backgrounds yes
1312. 54:23so are there any caveats or is this a un
1313. 54:26unversal
1314. 54:28strategy so in terms of from your
1315. 54:31perspective as the speaker I believe
1316. 54:33this applies but when you whenever you
1317. 54:35communicate part of the listening aspect
1318. 54:38is also thinking about is who is my
1319. 54:41audience and what are their expectations
1320. 54:42so what are the cultural expectations of
1321. 54:44the audience that I'm presenting to so
1322. 54:47there might be certain norms and rules
1323. 54:48that are expected so when I travel and
1324. 54:51do talks I have to take into account
1325. 54:53where I'm doing the the presentation so
1326. 54:55I I'm I help present in the ignite
1327. 54:58program and if you have not heard about
1328. 54:59the ignite program here at the GSB it's
1329. 55:02fantastic and I just did a presentation
1330. 55:05standing in one of these awesome
1331. 55:06classrooms that have all these cameras
1332. 55:08and I just taught 35 people in Santiago
1333. 55:11Chile right and I needed to understand
1334. 55:14the cultural expectations of that area
1335. 55:18and what they expect and what they're
1336. 55:19willing to do when I ask them to
1337. 55:21participate so it it's a part of that
1338. 55:23listening step where you reflect on what
1339. 55:25are the expectations of the audience I
1340. 55:27think we have for two more questions and
1341. 55:29then I'm going to hang afterwards if
1342. 55:30anybody has individual questions but
1343. 55:32some of these folks really want me to
1344. 55:34keep on schedule yes please I wanted to
1345. 55:35ask a question one of the things that
1346. 55:36you've done effectively in your talking
1347. 55:38and I've seen other effective speakers
1348. 55:39do is interject humor in their talk how
1349. 55:43what are the risks and rewards of trying
1350. 55:44to do that well first thank you and I
1351. 55:47appreciate all of you laughing those are
1352. 55:48that's the sum total of all my jokes
1353. 55:50you've heard them I am not funny Beyond
1354. 55:52those jokes so humor is wonderfully
1355. 55:55connecting it's wonderfully connecting
1356. 55:57it's a great tool for connection it is
1357. 55:59very very risky cultural reasons get in
1358. 56:02the way sometimes what you think is
1359. 56:05funny isn't funny to other people what
1360. 56:07research tells us is that if you're
1361. 56:09going to try to be funny
1362. 56:11self-deprecating humor is your best bet
1363. 56:14okay because it is the least risky there
1364. 56:16is nothing worse than putting out a joke
1365. 56:19and having no response it actually sets
1366. 56:21you back farther than if you would have
1367. 56:24gotten where you would have gotten if
1368. 56:25the joke would have hit
1369. 56:27so basic fundamentals you need to think
1370. 56:29about with humor one is it funny how do
1371. 56:32I know I ask other people first second
1372. 56:35what happens if it doesn't work have a
1373. 56:37backup plan right and then third if
1374. 56:40you're worried about the answers to
1375. 56:41those first two don't do it right one
1376. 56:44last question please the microphone is
1377. 56:46right here and then like I said I will
1378. 56:47hang around afterwards yes please I um
1379. 56:50I'm sort of on the opposite side of this
1380. 56:52since I am a journalist and I frequently
1381. 56:54have to ask spontaneous questions of
1382. 56:57people who have been through media
1383. 56:59training yes
1384. 57:02so so any tips for chinks in the armor
1385. 57:06way to ask ask a question without being
1386. 57:10antagonistic but get a fact simile of a
1387. 57:13straight answer well so let me give you
1388. 57:16two answers one is I I have young boys
1389. 57:18and the power of the why is great just
1390. 57:21ask why a couple times and and you can
1391. 57:23get through that first two layers of
1392. 57:25training you know why do you say that
1393. 57:27well how do you feel about that uh the
1394. 57:29the second bit is
1395. 57:31to what I have found successful in
1396. 57:33getting people to I do this to get
1397. 57:35people to answer in a more authentic way
1398. 57:37what I'll do is I'll ask them to give
1399. 57:39advice so what advice would you give
1400. 57:41somebody who's challenged with this or
1401. 57:43what advice would you give to somebody
1402. 57:45in this situation and by asking for the
1403. 57:47advice it changes the relationship they
1404. 57:50have to me as the question asker and I
1405. 57:52often get much more Rich detailed
1406. 57:54information so the power of the why and
1407. 57:56then put them in a position of providing
1408. 57:58guidance and that can really
1409. 58:00work with that I am going to thank you
1410. 58:03very much I welcome you to ask questions
1411. 58:05later and enjoy the rest of your reunion
1412. 58:07weekend thank you
1413. 58:09[Applause]
1414. 58:14[Music]