The truth about handling DISRESPECT! — Transcript

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1. 0:00How to stay calm when someone
2. 0:02disrespects you. You panic when [music]
3. 0:04someone insults you or disrespects you
4. 0:06because you find yourself deciding how
5. 0:09to respond. Most of your energy is being
6. 0:11consumed by decision fatigue. And what
7. 0:14is the result? You panic [music] anyway
8. 0:15and hate yourself for either
9. 0:16overreacting or not reacting at all. No
10. 0:19[music] one is worth that. I'm going to
11. 0:21give you a method that will take away
12. 0:23all of that confusion and panic from
13. 0:25you. What are the three responses?
14. 0:27fight, flight or fawn. Now these three
15. 0:30responses are essentially trauma
16. 0:32responses and all of us have one of them
17. 0:35as default. [music] So when someone
18. 0:37disrespects you, the first thing you do
19. 0:39is you quickly pick which F you want to
20. 0:42[music] use and mindfully pick it. You
21. 0:45want to fight, flee or fawn. If you
22. 0:48choose to fight, you give a comeback or
23. 0:50[music] you fight back. If you choose to
24. 0:52flee or flight, you decide to leave the
25. 0:54situation or exit the space physically.
26. 0:56And if you want to smooth over and make
27. 0:59peace, you fall. Having the 3F framework
28. 1:02saves you from exhaustion or feeling
29. 1:04lost when you sense disrespect. Number
30. 1:06two, comfort [music] with social injury.
31. 1:09The most confident person in the room is
32. 1:11not the loudest person in the room. It
33. 1:13is the person that is the most
34. 1:14comfortable. Now, what does real comfort
35. 1:17in social situations [music] really
36. 1:18mean? It's comfort with social injury.
37. 1:22Comfort with embarrassment. See,
38. 1:25everyone has to [music] face disrespect,
39. 1:27uncomfortable moments in social
40. 1:28situations. Nobody is immune to the
41. 1:30hostility or discomfort that may arise
42. 1:33due to difference of opinion and belief.
43. 1:35So the best way to be confident in the
44. 1:37face of disrespect is to out comfort
45. 1:40that [music] person. Be so comfortable
46. 1:42even in discomfort that people have no
47. 1:45option but to regret disrespecting you.
48. 1:48Now how do you become comfortable with
49. 1:50social injury? Number one, by knowing
50. 1:52disrespect happens to everyone
51. 1:53irrespective of power, talent or status.
52. 1:56So you're not special and you're not
53. 1:58[music] alone and it is wise to seek
54. 2:00some comfort from that fact. Now second
55. 2:02is that your body has its own language
56. 2:05of comfort. Social comfort in the world
57. 2:08of body language is an exposed stomach
58. 2:11and controlled [music]
59. 2:13breath. Confused? Let me explain. Notice
60. 2:15what you do when you're feeling
61. 2:16underconfident. [music] You slouch. And
62. 2:19as a result, your stomach shrinks as
63. 2:21well. But the exact opposite is also
64. 2:24true. When you straighten your spine and
65. 2:26take up space, your stomach exposes
66. 2:28itself as [music] well. An exposed
67. 2:30stomach subconsciously signals, I'm
68. 2:33feeling safe and comfortable enough to
69. 2:35let a vulnerable part of me be this
70. 2:38exposed. I don't see you as a threat.
71. 2:41Along with that, control your breath.
72. 2:43[music] On one extreme side is panic
73. 2:45attacks. How do you breathe when you're
74. 2:46having a panic attack? shallow, fast,
75. 2:48uncontrolled and the opposite of panic
76. 2:50[music] is calm. So how does a calm,
77. 2:53confident person breathe? Above all,
78. 2:56control. So when you sense [music]
79. 2:57disrespect, the very thing you do is
80. 2:59catch yourself breathing shallow and
81. 3:00immediately calm your breath down. Take
82. 3:03a few discreet deep full inhales and
83. 3:06your heart [music] rate slows down and
84. 3:08your brain learns that it's safe. This
85. 3:10combo is deadly in social settings. The
86. 3:12exposed stomach with a controlled breath
87. 3:14is your SOS toolkit to look confident
88. 3:17irrespective [music]
89. 3:18of respect or disrespect. You become
90. 3:21unshakable. Number three, the car and
91. 3:23traffic analogy. [music] Imagine I'm
92. 3:25stuck in traffic today and I'm in a very
93. 3:27good mood. I'm just going to blast some
94. 3:29music in my car and pass time until the
95. 3:31traffic moves. But tomorrow I'm stuck in
96. 3:33the same traffic on the same route at
97. 3:35the same time, but I'm in a really bad
98. 3:37mood. So I'm rolling the windows down,
99. 3:39yelling at everyone, honking a lot, and
100. 3:41just being mean in general. The external
101. 3:44situation was [music] exactly the same,
102. 3:46but my response to it was different on
103. 3:49different days only because of how I
104. 3:51[music]
105. 3:52was feeling. So you should never take
106. 3:54things personally. And this is exactly
107. 3:56why anything that people say or do has
108. 3:58much more to do with them [music] than
109. 4:00it has to do with you. Because hurt
110. 4:03people hurt [music] people. The nicest
111. 4:06people you will ever meet are also
112. 4:07usually the people who are the most
113. 4:09content and [music] at peace with
114. 4:11themselves. Before I go, I want to give
115. 4:14you one of my favorite lessons from
116. 4:16[music] the Bhagat Gita.
117. 4:24[music]
118. 4:25The Bhagat Gita states that staying calm
119. 4:28under disrespect is a hallmark of
120. 4:31supreme spiritual maturity and wisdom.
121. 4:33The text explains that true calmness is
122. 4:36achieved not by suppressing your anger
123. 4:38but by detaching your identity from your
124. 4:41ego [music] and anchoring it in your
125. 4:43true self. The atma about maintaining
126. 4:46peace and tranquility when [music]
127. 4:47disrespected. Gita says you want to rise
128. 4:50above dualities. In chapter 2:14 Lord
129. 4:53Krishna tells Arjuna [music] that
130. 4:55sensory experiences like heat and cold,
131. 4:58pleasure and pain are temporary [music]
132. 5:00and fleeting. The Gita groups honor and
133. 5:03dishonor, praise and blame into these
134. 5:06dualities. The Gita advises that accept
135. 5:08that praise and insult are two sides of
136. 5:11the same coin. If you take the
137. 5:13compliments too seriously, remember
138. 5:15you're also at the mercy of their
139. 5:18insults. Because they are temporary, a
140. 5:20wise person observes them pass like
141. 5:22clouds in the sky without letting them
142. 5:24disrupt their inner weather. Tell me in
143. 5:26the comments if that changed something
144. 5:28deep inside you. And I read all the
145. 5:30comments, by the way, and I want to
146. 5:32know. See you next week.