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The Top 1% Don’t Leave This to Chance (3 Habits to Adopt Now) — Transcript

by Dr. Shadé Zahrai · 3,729 words · 566 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00The top 1% don't leave this stuff to
0:02chance. But here is where it gets
0:04dangerous. And this is one of the most
0:05misunderstood high performance habits of
0:07the top 1%. Now, instead of asking the
0:10vague, "What [music] are my strengths?"
0:12question, ask these instead. They are
0:14not you and you are not them. If you're
0:17driven, passionate, high achieving, and
0:20still feel like something's missing,
0:21like you're doing everything right, but
0:23it's not getting you to where you want
0:24to go, it's probably not your skills,
0:26and it's probably not even your work
0:28ethic. I've trained tens of thousands of
0:31leaders and I have seen firsthand that
0:33these three habits are what the 1% do
0:35differently. So, let's get straight into
0:37it. Habit number one, conscious
0:39affiliation. This one is everything. The
0:43people you spend the most time around
0:45are shaping your future. Now, I don't
0:47mean that in theory. I mean that
0:48literally. Every single day, they're
0:51either watering your potential or slowly
0:53starving it. There is no neutral energy
0:55in your circle. You're either getting
0:57pulled forward or pulled back. And let
1:00me tell you why that matters. There is a
1:02Greek myth, maybe you've heard of it,
1:04about a sculptor named Pyamelon. And he
1:06carves [music] this stunning statue.
1:08It's breathtakingly beautiful, so
1:10lifelike, so perfect that he falls in
1:13love with it. And he names her Galatea.
1:16And he starts wishing, really wishing
1:18that she were real. Eventually, the
1:20goddess of love, Aphrodite, takes pity
1:22[music] on him and brings the statue to
1:24life. Galatea becomes a real breathing
1:27woman. In this story, Pyon's belief was
1:30so powerful that it brought a statue to
1:33life. Now, fast forward, modernday
1:35psychology actually gave this idea a
1:37name, which you probably heard of, the
1:39Pigon effect. And it's been shown in
1:41hundreds of studies from school children
1:44to workplaces to military environments
1:46that when others believe that you're
1:48capable, competent, and destined for
1:50more, you start to believe it, too. It
1:53becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You
1:55rise to meet their expectation
1:58because they expect you to succeed. So
2:02then you expect you to succeed. You end
2:05up then performing better. [music] You
2:07take more risks. You show up with a
2:09different energy and then you are more
2:11likely to succeed. It is a fascinating
2:14phenomenon. But here is where it gets
2:16dangerous. [music] If people expect you
2:18to fail, to mess up, to not be good
2:22enough, that expectation sticks too.
2:25It's the opposite. And it's called the
2:26Gollum effect. That also becomes a
2:29self-fulfilling prophecy. As you
2:31continue to expect yourself to fail, you
2:34start making choices from that
2:36expectation. You hesitate, you hold
2:38back, you second guessess your
2:40instincts. This is based on what's
2:42called expectancy theory. Your actions
2:44are largely determined by what you
2:46expect to happen. And without realizing
2:48it, you begin to create the very
2:50setbacks you were afraid of. It's a
2:53vicious cycle. Your belief predicts your
2:55behavior, and your behavior proves your
2:58belief right. I remember seeing this
3:00snippet of a show from comedian Taylor
3:02Tomlinson. It's really short, but it
3:04highlights how this idea of expectancy
3:07plays out, but in a different context.
3:08It's in a romantic relationship. So,
3:11she's having this conversation with her
3:12therapist about a relationship that
3:14ended. And this is what her therapist
3:16says to her.
3:16>> Well, you might be a self-fulfilling
3:19prophecy. Sometimes we expect someone to
3:21treat us poorly, so we treat them like
3:23they're going to treat us poorly until
3:25they do. You thought someone was going
3:26to cheat on you, so you treated them
3:28like they were going to cheat on you
3:29until they did cheat on you. And then
3:31you were like, "See?" And I was like,
3:34"Oh,
3:37think about that. You brace yourself for
3:39betrayal." So you get cold, distant,
3:42defensive, and eventually that person
3:44responds in kind. You confirm your
3:47expectation because you were holding the
3:49script for how it was going to end. Now
3:51granted, there is no excuse for
3:53infidelity, but it's simply to
3:54demonstrate how our expectations can
3:57create our reality. Now, zoom out from
3:59that example away from relationships. If
4:01you expect to fail in business, you will
4:04seconduess every decision. You will
4:06overthink. You will hesitate to invest.
4:08You'll shrink in meetings and eventually
4:11the business suffers not because you
4:12weren't capable but because you never
4:14acted like you were. So let me ask you
4:16again, who's around you right now?
4:19[music] Do they believe in your ability
4:21to succeed? Do they speak life into your
4:24vision? The most successful, fulfilled
4:27people have developed a habit of what I
4:29call conscious affiliation. They
4:32understand that success isn't just about
4:34what you do. It's also about who you
4:36allow to shape your mindset. Jim Ran
4:39once said, "You are the average of the
4:41five people you spend the most time
4:42with." And while there's no hard science
4:44behind the number five, what is backed
4:46by research is that there is a social
4:48contagion effect. Other people's moods,
4:51beliefs, confidence levels, even risk
4:53tolerance, they are contagious. This is
4:56why you have to be conscious about
4:57auditing your circle because their
5:00belief influences your belief. Your
5:03belief shapes your expectations. Your
5:05expectations guide how you interpret
5:08other people's behavior and that
5:10interpretation directly influences how
5:12you show up. Then that reinforces the
5:14very beliefs that started the cycle. Not
5:17only that, it can also influence others
5:19belief in you. So here is what you need
5:22to reflect on. Are the people in your
5:24inner circle genuine supporters, or do
5:28they second guessess your every move,
5:30mask their fear as concern, and leave
5:32you wondering if you're doing the right
5:34thing? Today's episode is brought to you
5:36by Big Trust. My upcoming book launching
5:38January 20th, 2026. Bestselling author
5:41Jefferson Fischer said, "We all know the
5:43fight with self-doubt. If you're ready
5:45to stop second guessessing yourself and
5:46step into your potential, this book will
5:48show you how." More on it later, but for
5:51now, let's get back into it. Which
5:52brings us to the second part of this
5:54habit. Conscious affiliation also means
5:57being really clear on whose advice
5:59actually matters because not all advice
6:01is created equal. When I left my
6:03corporate job to build the business I
6:05now run with my husband Fisel, people
6:07thought I was reckless. Why would you
6:09leave something so secure? What if it
6:11all fails? I heard this constantly. It
6:14didn't matter that we had a plan or that
6:16I'd built credibility over the years.
6:18They couldn't see it because they
6:20wouldn't have done it. And that's the
6:22key. They weren't evaluating my plan.
6:25They were projecting their own limits
6:27based on what they would do in the same
6:29circumstances. They give advice through
6:31the lens of their own experiences,
6:33fears, limitations, and values. It's a
6:36form of egocentric bias. We tend to
6:38assume that others see the world as we
6:40do. So when someone says, "I wouldn't do
6:42that," or, "That's too risky," what
6:44they're often saying is, "I wouldn't do
6:46that because I don't feel equipped or I
6:48don't value that outcome enough to
6:50pursue it." but they are not you and you
6:53are not them. As I like to say, be wary
6:56of the advice of those you don't respect
6:59or people who haven't done what you're
7:01aiming to do. You don't need to take
7:02every piece of advice, especially from
7:04those who haven't walked the path that
7:06you're on or don't have the vision that
7:08you're holding. And that's why you have
7:10to be relentless, ruthless even, about
7:13who you let shape your beliefs. Because
7:15whether they mean to or not, the people
7:17closest to you are writing the script
7:19that you live by. And if that script is
7:21rooted in fear, safety, or smallness,
7:23you'll unconsciously start performing to
7:25it. Now, the top 1%, they [music] know
7:27this. They don't audit their circle once
7:29a year or when things feel off. They
7:32audit constantly. They are asking
7:34themselves, "Do I feel uplifted by this
7:36person? Do they challenge me to grow or
7:39subtly pull me back to stay the same?
7:41Are they invested in my potential or
7:44just comfortable with who I was in the
7:45past? [music] Do they speak possibility
7:48or limitation? Are they constantly
7:50complaining or blaming others? Or do
7:51they take ownership and look for
7:53solutions? Do they believe in the future
7:55that I'm building even if they wouldn't
7:58choose it for themselves? And if the
7:59answer is no, the top 1% make
8:01adjustments quickly because they know
8:04that who they're around is going to be
8:06who they become. And your environment
8:08isn't neutral. It's always nudging you
8:10in some direction. But of course, we
8:12have to be real. Sometimes you cannot
8:15choose the people that you're around.
8:16Maybe you're on a team that isn't
8:18exactly high performing. Maybe it's
8:20family or close friends, people you
8:22love, but who don't see your vision and
8:24who unconsciously try to keep you small
8:27because it makes them feel more
8:28comfortable. So, what do you do then?
8:30That's when you become even more
8:31intentional about your boundaries. You
8:34stop seeking validation from people who
8:36were never meant to understand your
8:38path. You limit the emotional access
8:40they have to you and you double down on
8:42curating your [music] inner circle.
8:45People who do see you, do challenge you,
8:47and do hold you to a higher standard.
8:49Because the 1% know that your energy is
8:52your most precious asset. I've learned
8:54that myself as I've gotten older and
8:56more experienced. So protect it like
8:58your future depends on it, [music]
9:00because it quite literally does. Guard
9:03your passion. Guard your belief. Guard
9:05that little spark that [music] keeps
9:06whispering, you're made for more. You
9:08don't need everyone to understand your
9:10vision. You just need a few who believe
9:12it's possible. And most importantly, you
9:15need to believe it, too. That is how you
9:17get ahead. That is how [music] you stay
9:19ahead. And it starts with the habit of
9:21conscious affiliation. That's the
9:23foundation behind every success story
9:25that I've ever seen. Now, to habit
9:27number two, care less. This one can be
9:30really confronting, but if there's one
9:32habit that has changed everything for
9:33me, not overnight, but with time, it's
9:36this one. Now, not careless as in
9:38careless with your work or your
9:39standards or your impact. And definitely
9:41not care less about people, but I've
9:43learned to care less about their
9:45approval. And this is one of the most
9:47misunderstood high performance habits of
9:49the top 1%. Yet, it can be one of the
9:51most powerful to develop. Because if you
9:54spend your life trying to be approved of
9:56by everyone and avoid being disliked,
9:58you will spend your life contorting,
10:00compromising, shrinking. You'll say yes
10:03when you mean no, you will soften your
10:05edges so you don't make waves. You'll
10:07trade authenticity for approval. And
10:09you'll call it being a team player or
10:11not rocking the boat. And I say this
10:13with full empathy because I used to do
10:15this, too. For years, I thought that my
10:17value came from being liked, from being
10:19the one that could make anything work,
10:21the agreeable one, the high performer
10:23who maintained harmony. I would leave
10:26meetings questioning myself, did that
10:28come across okay? Did I upset someone?
10:30Should I follow up and clarify again? It
10:32was exhausting. And the worst part is I
10:35still wasn't fully respected because
10:38people don't respect performance without
10:40boundaries. They respect clarity. They
10:42respect congruence. They respect someone
10:45who knows who they are and isn't trying
10:47to be everything to everyone. So, I
10:49started practicing this one line, care
10:52less. Not because I stopped caring, but
10:54because I started caring more about the
10:57right things. I care about staying in
10:59integrity. I care about doing my best
11:02work. I care about treating people with
11:04respect. I care about leading with
11:06excellence. But I stopped caring about
11:08whether that made me likable to every
11:11single person in the room. Because
11:12here's the thing. If you're doing
11:14anything worthwhile, someone will
11:17misunderstand it. If you're growing,
11:20evolving, expanding, someone will feel
11:22threatened by it. If you're stepping
11:24into leadership, someone will project
11:26their insecurity onto you. You cannot
11:29control that. But what you can control
11:31is whether their opinion gets a vote in
11:34how you move forward. Now, why is this
11:36so hard for so many of us? It's because
11:38we're social creatures. We've evolved to
11:40care what other people think and not
11:42just emotionally but neurologically. A
11:46groundbreaking study at the time which
11:47came out of UCLA headed by Matthew
11:49Lieberman found that the pain of social
11:52rejection and the pain of physical
11:54injury [music] activate the same neural
11:56circuitry in the brain. In other words,
11:59your brain processes a snide comment, a
12:02cold shoulder, or being excluded in the
12:05same way it would process a punch in the
12:07arm. That's why it feels so intense.
12:09That's why you second guessess yourself
12:11after tough feedback. That's why you
12:13hesitate to speak up. But this is
12:15exactly why the care less habit matters.
12:18It's not because you stop caring
12:19altogether, but because you stop
12:20consciously choosing what feedback is
12:23worth your energy and what opinions
12:25you're done performing for. The 1% don't
12:27override their humanity. They just don't
12:30let the fear of disapproval make their
12:32decisions for them. one of the leaders
12:34in our career program managed to land
12:35[music] a step-up role in another
12:37country with a huge salary increase and
12:39increased visibility at the regional
12:41level. But when we spoke, she admitted
12:44something that caught me off guard. She
12:46said, "I should be really excited, but I
12:48feel paralyzed about this need to be
12:51liked." Now, her new team hadn't exactly
12:53welcomed her with open arms. There was
12:55resistance. There was resentment. So,
12:57she doubled down on trying to win them
12:59over. She softened her feedback. She
13:02avoided hard conversations. She
13:04overexlained every decision all in the
13:07hopes that eventually they would approve
13:09of her. But it completely backfired. Her
13:11credibility took a hit. Her team was
13:13still disengaged and now they saw her as
13:15a pushover. And she was exhausted from
13:18thinking about it constantly. So she
13:20applied this one small shift to care
13:23less. She started practicing this habit
13:26of saying care less in her head before
13:28key moments, before she stepped into a
13:31meeting, before she would give an
13:32announcement to the department, before
13:34she would hit send on the important team
13:36email. Now, the intention wasn't to shut
13:38people out or stop having empathy, but
13:40it was a reminder for her to stop
13:42handing over her power. And here is what
13:45she wrote to me after 6 weeks of
13:47focusing on developing this habit of
13:49careless. She wrote, "I didn't realize
13:51how much energy I was wasting trying to
13:54be liked. Once I let that go, I felt
13:56like I could finally show up like the
13:58leader of the team needed me to be."
14:00That is what this habit gives you. A
14:02clean, clear kind of freedom. It's not a
14:05freedom from responsibility, but it's a
14:07freedom from rumination, from
14:08overthinking. And it works in those
14:11micro moments, too. In fact, I use it
14:13more in the micro moments, like when
14:15you're overthinking a LinkedIn post,
14:16wondering if it sounds too bold. Whether
14:19you're debating to call that disgruntled
14:21customer and have that hard
14:23conversation, when you're holding back
14:25in a meeting because you're worried that
14:26someone won't like your idea, pause,
14:29exhale, and say it in your head, care
14:33less, and then move. That's the second
14:361% strategy. It frees you up to focus on
14:39what really matters. So, now we move to
14:42habit number three, strategic [music]
14:44feedback seeking. Would you say that you
14:46are self-aware? When I ask audiences in
14:48workshops who are usually leaders from
14:50Fortune 500s, I get anywhere from 60 to
14:5380% of people raising their hand
14:55believing that they're self-aware. A
14:56study conducted by Tasha Urick found
14:58that even though 95% of people think
15:01they're self-aware, so actually more
15:03than my audiences, only 12 to 15%
15:07actually [music] are. Let that sink in.
15:10That means that up to 85 to 90% of us
15:13are walking around with blind spots,
15:15completely unaware that we have them.
15:17That is a huge visibility issue. You
15:20can't see your own patterns, habits, and
15:22impact from inside your own head. This
15:24is why the best athletes or sports teams
15:26all have coaches. You need someone
15:28watching from the sidelines. Someone who
15:31sees what you can't. You might be
15:33swinging too early. Your pacing might be
15:35slightly off. Your form might look fine
15:37to you, but from the outside, it's clear
15:39there is a small tweak that changes
15:40everything. This is one of the reasons
15:42that differentiates the top from the
15:44rest. Most of us, most people, avoid
15:46feedback until it's too late. Until
15:49something goes wrong, until there's
15:50tension, a performance issue, a blind
15:52spot that's already done damage. The top
15:541% don't wait for feedback to come to
15:57them. They go after it. But not just any
15:59feedback. I've noticed that they're
16:01highly selective, and they seek out two
16:03types of feedback consistently. The
16:05first one is obvious. It's feedback
16:06[music] on areas to improve their gaps.
16:09They might have a mentor, a business
16:11coach, someone in the industry who has
16:13paved the way before them that they turn
16:14to for guidance on where they need to
16:16focus. But there's something else they
16:18do that's different to most. They don't
16:20assume that every one of their gaps
16:22needs to be fixed by them. They ask, "Is
16:25it missionritical that I fill this gap
16:28myself?" If yes, they address [music]
16:30it. But if not, they usually hire
16:32someone better. They delegate. They
16:35partner with others. They build systems
16:37around the gap so it gets filled but not
16:40necessarily by them. This is why so many
16:43high-erforming entrepreneurs or CEOs
16:45have two IC's or leadership teams that
16:48essentially fill their own gaps.
16:50Improving doesn't always mean doing it
16:51all yourself. It means building
16:53capacity. And sometimes that means
16:55finding it in somebody else. Now, the
16:58second type of feedback they seek is
16:59feedback on strengths. But they don't
17:02just want to hear about their strengths.
17:03They want to optimize them. They ask
17:06questions like, "When have I been at my
17:08best? What was I doing? What conditions
17:11allowed me to thrive?" Because the top
17:141% are usually very intentional about
17:16making their strengths stronger. They
17:18design their roles, their schedules,
17:20even their teams around the zones when
17:23they're most effective. They look for
17:25ways to sharpen, to scale, and to repeat
17:27those peak moments. So instead of
17:29spreading themselves thin trying to be
17:30well-rounded, they double down on being
17:33well aligned. That's the difference. So
17:36how do you actually do this? Reach out
17:38to five to 10 people who have worked
17:39really closely with you. People who have
17:41seen you in action on a project, in a
17:44crisis, in a leadership role, or even
17:46just everyday situations. It could be a
17:49mix of peers, direct reports, team
17:51members, mentors, clients, even friends.
17:54Now, instead of asking the vague, "What
17:56are my strengths?" question. Ask these
17:58instead. When have you seen me at my
18:01best? What was I doing? What did you
18:04notice about how I worked, communicated,
18:06or led in that moment? And what impact
18:09did it have? These questions come from
18:11the reflected best self exercise. It's a
18:14researchbacked tool developed at the
18:15University of Michigan. They designed it
18:17to elicit stories, not just adjectives.
18:21Because the stories are where the
18:22insight lives. Anyone can call you
18:25confident or driven, but when someone
18:27shares a moment where you made them feel
18:28seen or led a team through chaos or
18:31turned a setback into momentum, that's
18:33gold. Once you gather a few of these
18:36stories, do two things. First, look for
18:38patterns. What themes showed up again
18:41and again. What are people relying on
18:43you for [music] when you're at your
18:45best? That's your natural strength zone.
18:47Second, you want to translate it. So
18:50turn those insights into language that
18:51you can actually use when you pitch
18:53yourself, when you shape your career
18:55path, or when you make strategic
18:56decisions. Use it to intentionally
18:59design more of what lights you up, more
19:01projects in your sweet spot, more
19:03collaborations that bring out your best,
19:05more time in your zone of genius. Now,
19:07you might think to yourself, "Oh, but
19:09that's just fishing for compliments."
19:11But no, it's not. It is giving you
19:13evidence. It's increasing your
19:15self-awareness and building your
19:16identity from real impact. The top 1%
19:19don't leave this stuff to chance. So,
19:21these are the three habits that I have
19:23consistently seen in the highest
19:24performers, the highest potential people
19:27that I've ever come across that you can
19:29implement into your life, too. Habit
19:31one, conscious affiliation. Audit your
19:34circle constantly. Your future depends
19:36on it. Habit two, care less. Respect is
19:40greater than approval. Choose alignment
19:42[music]
19:42over validation. And habit three,
19:45strategic feedback seeking. Don't just
19:48ask how to fix what's broken. Increase
19:50your self-awareness and use the insight
19:52to help you design your next career
19:54step. If you found value in this
19:55episode, please hit like and subscribe
19:58so you don't miss the next one. And let
20:00me know in the comments which of these
20:01three habits are you going to focus on
20:03right now. I'm Shad Zarai and I'll see
20:05you in the next one. Self-doubt doesn't
20:07shout, it whispers and it keeps smart
20:10people playing small. You can't positive
20:12think your way past it. You have to
20:14rewire it. Big trust is the result of 5
20:16years of PhD research and over 100
20:19studies and they all point to one
20:21powerful truth. Your career
20:23satisfaction, your earning potential,
20:25even your happiness are [music] shaped
20:28by four core attributes. When one of
20:30them is weak, self-doubt gets [music]
20:32louder. Strengthen them and everything
20:34changes. Go to bigtrustbook.com to order
20:37and grab the exclusive bonuses while
20:39they're still available. Why is my phone
20:41buzzing? Is it my phone or your phone?
20:44We did it.

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