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The SURPRISING Reason Why You SELF-SABOTAGE Everything — Transcript

by Marisa Peer · 7,490 words · 1,189 segments · language en · Watch on YouTube

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0:00I'm a great believer that you should
0:01lie, cheat, and [music] steal every day
0:04of your life. When I was writing my
0:06book, I could have said, "This is hard."
0:08But I started to tell myself a lie. I
0:11love writing. There's nowhere else I'd
0:14rather be in the whole world than
0:15sitting at my desk writing this. But
0:17[music] none of that was true. After 10
0:19days, it was so true. Your brain does
0:22not require [music] perfection. It
0:24requires direction. I'm going to talk
0:26today about three things: [music]
0:28self-sabotage, procrastination, and
0:30imposter syndrome. I promise you, I
0:32guarantee if you can sit with yourself
0:35and say
0:36you will break [music]
0:38self-sabotage forever. Someone just like
0:41you came from nothing and now has
0:43everything. If they can do it, you can.
0:45So here's the very last question,
0:47because in that answer is your absolute
0:50freedom.
0:51Hey, this is Marisa doing another solo
0:53episode. I was so thrilled, so touched
0:56that you liked my first solo episode. I
0:58got lovely comments. A lot of people
1:00said, "Hey, Marisa,
1:02could you do an episode on self-sabotage
1:05and procrastination? It's the bane of my
1:07life. I self-sabotage my career.
1:11I self-sabotage making money. I even
1:13self-sabotage relationships." I'm going
1:16to talk today about three things:
1:18self-sabotage,
1:20procrastination,
1:22and imposter syndrome. Do you know that
1:2540% of men and 80% of women have
1:28imposter syndrome? So easy to talk about
1:31these things, but I'm here today to not
1:33just talk about it, but to fix it for
1:36you. I would say 80% of my clients have
1:39this thing called not enoughness. Movie
1:42stars,
1:43billionaires, supermodels,
1:47every walk of life you can think of.
1:48Police officers, nurses, school
1:50teachers, people like you and I. A very
1:53high level of us feel not enough. And
1:55the good news is no one, no one in the
1:58planet was saying, "I'm not enough. I
2:00don't deserve love and attention. Don't
2:02look at me." In fact, quite the
2:04opposite. A baby says, "I am enough.
2:06Of course I deserve love and attention.
2:08Look at me. Praise me. Meet all my
2:10needs." So, if you and I was born
2:14knowing enough, believing it. You know,
2:15we woke up our parents at 5:00 a.m. We
2:18cried. We kicked off. We slept when we
2:20wanted to. Spat out food we didn't like.
2:23We lived on our agenda, not theirs. You
2:26know, when I did my daughter's first
2:27birthday party, it was such a big thing.
2:30And she fell asleep throughout the whole
2:31thing, pretty much. She didn't think,
2:32"Oh, my mom spent ages doing this. I
2:35should stay awake." She went to sleep. I
2:37had to actually
2:38the next day kind of re-stage it just so
2:40I could have some photos.
2:42But that doesn't matter.
2:43You and I was born certain we were
2:45enough. And then something happened. And
2:47what it is, it's called being compared.
2:50When your mother starts to say, "You
2:51know, your sister, she could read when
2:53she was four. Your brother, he wasn't
2:55messy. Your cousin,
2:57and then we go to school and we again
2:59are graded, streamed. And if you're not
3:02in the A stream, if you don't get the
3:03prize,
3:05you don't get the award,
3:07you start to feel less. And as we get
3:09older,
3:10social media also gets us to compare
3:13ourselves. Every day we are exposed to
3:17fake images of perfection and we think,
3:19"Oh,
3:20I don't look like that. My house is not
3:22like that. I don't have that kind of
3:23job. I guess I'm not enough." So, it is
3:26very easy
3:27to buy into not enough. And it's not
3:29true.
3:30But that doesn't matter, cuz if you feel
3:33it and believe it, it might as well be
3:35true. So, imagine there's a tree.
3:37This is the trunk. And here [snorts] are
3:39the branches. It's called the I'm not
3:41enough tree.
3:42And one branch of that tree says,
3:45"I procrastinate." One says, "I
3:47self-sabotage." One says, "I have
3:50imposter syndrome." But they all go back
3:53to the same root. I'm not enough.
3:56Let me talk about it a little bit more
3:57than I promise you I'm going to stop
3:59talking and help you get over it once
4:02and for all. So why do we procrastinate?
4:05It's really very simple.
4:07This robot-like brain of yours, this
4:10brilliant brain has one real driver, am
4:12I safe? I need to be safe. After all,
4:15when we're safe, we will survive. And it
4:18wasn't that long ago that actually the
4:20odds of being safe weren't that great.
4:22We lived in tribes. We didn't wander off
4:24on our own at night. We stayed in walled
4:25cities to be safe.
4:28Today we don't have to worry about a
4:29tiger attacking us, but we have to worry
4:32about being rejected, being ridiculed,
4:34you know?
4:36We're told every day the biggest fear in
4:38the world is the fear of speaking in
4:41public. That's not quite true. The
4:42biggest fear
4:44is the fear of speaking in public and
4:46messing it up, going bright red, going
4:49blank, and then the audience laugh at
4:52you or walk out. In fact, I worked with
4:54someone many years ago who said, "You
4:55know, I'm here, Marisa. I need you to
4:57help me. I've got to give a speech at my
5:00mother's funeral and frankly, I would
5:03rather be in the coffin than give that
5:06eulogy. That's how bad it is."
5:09But you don't really have a fear of
5:10speaking in public. After all, a little
5:12kid of three will go, "Mommy, watch me
5:14dance. Watch me sing. Mommy, look at me
5:16climbing this. Look at me jumping. Look
5:18at me swimming. Look at me." They go to
5:20the park, go to the pool.
5:22See how many kids say, "Look at me. Look
5:23at me. Watch me. Watch me." They have no
5:26concept they might fail. You know, I saw
5:29something really interesting. I work a
5:31lot in the school system. And I was in a
5:33school talking to a class of
5:35five-year-olds. I said, "Put your hand
5:37up
5:38if you kind of like yourself and you
5:39think you've got some good qualities."
5:41Every hand shot up, which was good.
5:44Go into the 10-year-olds, I asked the
5:46same question, half the hand shot up.
5:49And I recently did this with thousands
5:52of people at an event, and only 3% of
5:55people raised their hands. So, isn't it
5:57interesting at five?
5:59Look at me. See what I can do.
6:02Appreciate me, praise me, notice all my
6:04skills. Notice me cuz I'm worth it. At
6:0610, half of us feel that. In the
6:08adulthood,
6:09most of us don't cuz we have this
6:12fear
6:14of being rejected. So, procrastination
6:16looks like this. I could write that
6:18book. I could write that program. I
6:21could have that business. I could create
6:24this product. I could but
6:27if I create it
6:29and it's terrible
6:32and gets awful reviews and nobody buys
6:34it, or I put on something and nobody
6:36comes
6:38I'm going to feel like a failure.
6:40If I keep avoiding it, I can live this
6:42dream.
6:43It was going to be great. One day it
6:45will work, and I can go to my grave
6:46saying, "Well, it could have, should
6:48have, would have." But you see, the
6:49problem is
6:51I just procrastinated.
6:53But you're not procrastinating, you're
6:55avoiding pain. [sighs]
6:57Your brain says as long as you never
6:59release that to the public and they
7:00don't hate it
7:02you're safe. If you've ever known or
7:06wished that you were capable of more,
7:08this might interest you. For 40 years,
7:10I've used the same techniques with
7:12royalty, with CEOs, with the most
7:14successful people in the world. And what
7:16I've learned in that time is this. So
7:20many people are held back by the very
7:22same core beliefs without ever realizing
7:24that they're there. Beliefs formed so
7:26long ago that they now shape everything
7:29you do. And when you understand the core
7:32of those beliefs and change them at a
7:34subconscious level, everything changes.
7:36Your confidence, your relationships,
7:39your health, your wealth, your
7:40happiness, your joy, your success in
7:43life. And that's why I created Upgrade
7:46Your Life, 12 weeks of life coaching
7:49with me using the same tools I use with
7:51my private clients. It's very hard to
7:53even get a session with me today cuz I'm
7:55so busy. But when you come to Upgrade
7:58Your Life, I'm working with you live as
8:00if you are my own private client. So if
8:03you're ready to make a change, this is
8:05your sign to get started. Click the link
8:08up here or in the description to
8:11register for free information video and
8:13find out more. I can't wait to see that.
8:15I can't wait to show you that you can
8:17upgrade your life forever. And I'm going
8:20to help you do just that.
8:22Thanks for tuning in. Hope to see you
8:24there.
8:25So if you are a massive procrastinator,
8:27if you put off writing that essay until
8:29the last minute, put off writing that
8:31report for your boss until the last
8:33minute, put off doing that and then rush
8:35through it and mess it up.
8:37You don't go, "Oh, I'm going to go well,
8:39I I did it too quickly. See, I should
8:41have done it a month ago. I was busy. I
8:43forgot. It wasn't good because I ran out
8:46of time."
8:48That's very different than "It wasn't
8:49good
8:50cuz I am not skilled." So
8:52procrastination is just avoiding pain.
8:56Your brain has a belief. You know, if I
8:59if you ever spoke in class, read in
9:01class, people laughed at you, the brain
9:02goes, "Never do that again."
9:04The minute we're in pain, our brain
9:06searches what caused the pain. You're
9:08reading in class, everyone's laughing,
9:10you go bright red,
9:12and your brain goes, "Oh, that's cuz you
9:13drew attention to yourself. Never do
9:15that again." And you think you've
9:17forgotten it was 30 years ago, but the
9:19brain never forgets what causes you
9:22pain. That's why you remember
9:24a food that gave you food poisoning, you
9:26may have to eat uncurdled fish at school
9:28or disgusting tapioca. We never forget
9:31anything that causes us pain. We might
9:33even go, "You know, I can't stand the
9:36name Ian."
9:37That was my first boyfriend, broke my
9:39heart. I hate this name or that name. I
9:41had a teacher at school called Gail. She
9:44was an absolute horrible person and now
9:46I can't stand the name Gail. You see,
9:48her the brain
9:49links pain to something to get you away
9:51from it.
9:53So, if you link any kind of pain to
9:55being seen, to being heard, to being
9:58judged,
10:00you'll procrastinate rather than get to
10:02the truth you're trying to avoid.
10:05Just not good enough. You know, one of
10:07my first clients ever, so many years
10:08ago, was a dancer.
10:11And she got a job on Broadway and it was
10:13in her contract, "If you gain 10 lb, the
10:15contract is null and void." It was a
10:17dancer in a very skimpy leotard.
10:20She said, "The minute I got that job, I
10:22gained 10 lb straight away. What was
10:24going on with my brain?" They sent me to
10:26a spa.
10:2810 lb came off, back I went and I
10:30regained it. And when she came to me,
10:33we discovered what I call the
10:35unspeakable truth. "I'm so scared of not
10:39being good enough, of
10:40not being good enough on Broadway."
10:43But I can always say, "Well, it was the
10:4410 lb, you see. I I got I gained 10 lb
10:47and I couldn't do it."
10:49So, you have to be brave and look at the
10:51unspeakable truth. What if I'm not
10:53enough? What if I fail? What if I suck?
10:56What if they all laugh at me and go,
10:58"Well, that's not going to happen." Even
11:00if it did,
11:01I can get over it.
11:03So, procrastination is trying to keep
11:05you safe from failure, rejection, and
11:09humiliation. Your job
11:11is to signal to this brilliant brain,
11:14"I'm safe to write this code. You know,
11:16I'm safe to write this book. I'm safe to
11:19write this report. I'm safe to create
11:22this product. I'm safe
11:24to make money. I'm safe to be
11:26successful. I'm safe to let someone love
11:29me and love them back." The more you can
11:31signal this beautiful piece of hardware
11:34that you are safe,
11:36the more you'll stop procrastination
11:38and start taking action. But, you have
11:40to excite your imagination. So, imagine
11:43you're writing something, a manual,
11:47a review, a book. When you start
11:49thinking, "Oh my god, what if it's
11:51awful? What if nobody likes it?" You're
11:52telling your brain, "Don't do it." So,
11:54you have to say,
11:56"This is so exciting. I'm thrilled to do
11:59this." When I was given my first ever
12:01book, dealing a lot of money to write a
12:02book,
12:04I'm thinking, "Oh my god, it's so I
12:06don't I'm a very young to write but I'm
12:08going to sit at home on my own
12:10and it's very isolating." And my brain
12:12began to tell me to tidy up my sock
12:15drawer,
12:16tidy up my kitchen cupboards, anything
12:18but write cuz I had told it,
12:21"This is lonely.
12:23This is isolating. I've done 3 hours and
12:25just got two pages. This is hard."
12:29But, when I could see what I was doing,
12:31I was sabotaging myself, I started to
12:33tell myself a lie.
12:36And I'm a great believer that you should
12:37lie, cheat, and steal
12:40every day of your life. Lie to your
12:42brain, cheat fear, steal back
12:45confidence, drive, and motivation. So, I
12:47started to say,
12:49"I love writing. There's nowhere else
12:52I'd rather be in the whole world than
12:54sitting at my desk writing this book. It
12:55is thrilling.
12:57It's engrossing." None of that was true,
13:00but here's the weird thing, the
13:02wonderful thing, after 10 days,
13:05it was so true. There really was nowhere
13:07I'd rather be in the whole world than at
13:09my desk writing that book cuz it was
13:11thrilling, engrossing, and absorbing.
13:13And I realized then it was my job to
13:16give my brain direction. And here's an
13:19expression I love. Your brain does not
13:22require perfection.
13:24It requires direction.
13:27And the words tell yourself are your
13:29directions. If you notice yourself
13:30saying, "Oh, I don't really want to do
13:32that." or
13:33"I've got to spend all weekend working
13:35on my website on my proposal when I
13:37could be out having fun."
13:39you will procrastinate. If you say,
13:41"I've chosen
13:43to write this proposal, work on my
13:44website, and there's nowhere else I'd
13:47rather be, and it thrills me, engrosses
13:49me."
13:50then it will become your reality because
13:52your words shape your reality. And if
13:56you don't like your reality manifest
13:59home, go back and change your words. So,
14:03close your eyes and think about where do
14:06you procrastinate? I could go to the
14:08gym, but I can't be bothered. I should
14:11do that. I'm not in the mood. I ought to
14:14do that, but I'm so unmotivated.
14:17And remember that your psychology is
14:20telling your biology, "I don't want to
14:22do that."
14:24But your psychology could tell your
14:26biology, "Hey, I I love doing it. It
14:28makes me feel good." Often imagine going
14:30to the gym and going, "Well, I hate the
14:31gym. I hate crunches. I hate stomach
14:34aches. I hate working out." Do you think
14:36you would stay there? Of course not.
14:38You'd leave after 15 minutes.
14:41But when you say, "Wow, my stomach loves
14:44crunches. My legs love lunges. My body
14:47loves working out like this."
14:51you're giving your brain very clear
14:53evidence that you love it and you're
14:56going to stay there.
14:58So, whatever you're doing to
14:59procrastinate,
15:01look at the fears head-on. If I have
15:03money, you might not like me. When
15:06you're rich, you never know who your
15:07friends are. If I'm successful
15:09and I stand out, I'll feel different. If
15:13I get promoted, my other teammates won't
15:16like me.
15:17Is that true?
15:19Is that really, really true? And even if
15:21it is, can you make it not true for you?
15:25And even if it's true, would you
15:26sacrifice your own happiness for other
15:28people?
15:31So, you have the power to banish
15:33procrastination, to become
15:35self-motivated.
15:36In the world today, I can promise you
15:39being self-motivated
15:42is a necessary skill. You know, our
15:44parents went to work and they would say,
15:45"Hey, well done. Oh, today I saw you do
15:49this. I noticed that. That was really
15:52good. What a great thing you did." But
15:54today, most of us work from home. Who is
15:57patting us on the back and going, "Well
15:59done"? Nobody.
16:01So, you have to learn to think of
16:03something. What would an amazing boss
16:06say to you?
16:07What would an incredible mentor say to
16:09you? They'd go, "Hey, you're on fire
16:12here. Oh my god, the words coming out of
16:13your mouth. You're a freaking genius.
16:15Wow, you handled that client so well.
16:20You're skilled. You're talented. You're
16:22gifted." Imagine
16:25a great boss, a great mentor
16:28whose motivation is to bring you up with
16:31say all these words. And they're not
16:33here.
16:34So, you have to say them. Like when I
16:36was writing my book, when I began to
16:38write the book, I could have said, "Oh
16:39my god, it's not very good. What if
16:42nobody likes it?" I began to say, "This
16:43book is amazing." I know that sounds
16:45arrogant. This is amazing. I can imagine
16:48it being on sale in airports. I can see
16:50it filling the windows of shops. This
16:52book is great.
16:54And it sounds arrogant, but I knew that
16:56if I said, "Um
16:57>> [gasps]
16:58>> it's not great. It's not compelling." I
17:01couldn't finish it. I had to say, "It's
17:02great. It's great. It's great." And when
17:03it's finished, I looked at it and
17:04thought, "Hm."
17:05Actually, the first three chapters, I
17:06can really say I'd never written a book
17:08before.
17:10But it still did very well.
17:12And I'm writing my eighth book, and I I
17:14do find writing thrilling, engrossing,
17:18rewarding. I love waking up to it,
17:20coming home to it, but only because
17:22I direct my brain. I love it. I want it.
17:26I've chosen it. And if you can say these
17:29magic words, I've chosen this,
17:32chosen to write,
17:34chosen to feel great about it.
17:36I want this so much. I require it.
17:39So, remember that your self-sabotage is
17:42just because you don't feel safe to show
17:45the world who you are and what you can
17:47do.
17:49But if you can tell this brain, I'm safe
17:51to show the world who I am,
17:53I'm safe to show them what I can do. I'm
17:55safe to show them my work,
17:58you'll be okay. So, if you can signal to
18:00this great robot of yours that you are
18:03safe,
18:05safe to show the world who you are, safe
18:09to show the world your skills, your
18:10talents, your gifts, your uniqueness,
18:13instead of procrastinating, you'll be
18:15highly motivated to take action to move
18:18forwards.
18:19So, procrastinating is not an illness.
18:22It's just a fear.
18:23And these fears are just based on a
18:26thought or a belief. They're not real.
18:29Fears are not facts.
18:32I'm scared it will go wrong.
18:35I'm scared nobody will like it. This is
18:37not real. It's not a fact. It's a
18:39feeling.
18:40And you can overcome any feeling with a
18:42better feeling. I'm excited. I can do
18:45it. Find someone else who's done what
18:48you're doing.
18:49Well, look at them. They came from
18:51nowhere and did this, and I can, too.
18:55So, when you signal to the brain, I'm
18:56safe to show the world who I am
18:59and my gifts and skills and talents, you
19:02will stop procrastinating and you'll
19:04begin to take action.
19:07Let's go on to the second thing,
19:08self-sabotage,
19:10or I often as
19:13the self-destructiveness
19:14of talent.
19:16So, a lot of people who begin to make it
19:19will start to self-sabotage.
19:21Entrepreneurs, movie stars, singers,
19:24people in the arts, as they get to
19:25success,
19:27they often begin to unravel.
19:30Because their great feeling is, well,
19:33I didn't earn this. So, you might know
19:35that 75% of lottery winners are utterly
19:38broke in 3 years, 9% of inherited wealth
19:41is gone
19:43in three generations. So, if something
19:45is too easy, if you can sit down and
19:47write song lyrics and make millions of
19:49dollars,
19:51the feeling is, "Oh,
19:53I didn't really work for this. It I just
19:56got it, and I'm not worth it. I don't
19:59really deserve it. So, let me unravel
20:02it." That's why so many lottery winners
20:04are completely broke, cuz they didn't
20:06earn it. You know, if you were working
20:09many, many hours to buy your first car,
20:11you would cherish it. But, if you were
20:14just given a great car, it wouldn't be
20:16the same at all, because you didn't earn
20:18it. And human beings like to feel like,
20:21"I earned this. I'm worth it. I deserve
20:25it." So, self-sabotage goes like this.
20:28"That was too easy.
20:30I didn't really earn it. It's just a
20:32gift I was given.
20:34Let me unravel it all, because I'm not
20:38worth it. I didn't deserve it." How do
20:40you get over that?
20:42Well, you get over it by sitting with
20:43yourself and saying over and over and
20:46over again, "I'm worth it. I deserve it.
20:49I was given
20:51the skill set of being a songwriter,
20:54and it appears that my songs give people
20:55joy. So, I'm worth it. I was given the
20:59skill of being a great artist or
21:01composer,
21:03and it gives people joy,
21:05and I'm worth it. I was given the skill
21:07of being an extraordinary coder.
21:10And I'm worth it.
21:12It sounds easy because it is.
21:15Sit with yourself and start to say,
21:18"I'm worth it. I deserve it. I'm worth
21:22it." Over and over and over again. Of
21:24course, when you do that, four things
21:27happen. Let's do it together now. Close
21:29your eyes.
21:31Think of an old habit of self-sabotage.
21:35Imagine you can look into your own brain
21:37and see the thoughts that are bringing
21:38about the self-sabotage.
21:41"I'm not worth it. I don't deserve it.
21:44This came to me too easy. People don't
21:45like you if you have more than them. I
21:49don't want to stand out because I'll be
21:51different."
21:53So, think of that and then start to say
21:56out loud. Put your hand on your stomach
21:58and just sit with your eyes closed.
22:02"I'm worth it. I deserve it. I am worthy
22:06of success.
22:08I deserve success. And again, repeat
22:12these. It's just the same things. Worth
22:14it, worthy of it, deserve it, deserving.
22:17I am worthy of success.
22:20I am worth success. I deserve success.
22:23I'm deserving of success. I'm worthy of
22:27love.
22:28I am worth being loved. I deserve love.
22:32I'm deserving of love. Let's do it one
22:35more time. I'm worthy of being wealthy,
22:38loved, and successful.
22:42I'm deserving of being wealthy, loved,
22:44and successful. I deserve to be wealthy,
22:47loved, and successful. When you do this,
22:50only four things will happen. The first
22:52is, "Wow,
22:53that feels good. I'm going to do that a
22:55lot. I'm going to keep doing it and
22:57doing it because it's kind of lighting
22:59me up. It feels exciting." The second
23:02one is, you know, Marisa, when I do that
23:04tears start to prick my eyes and I feel
23:07sad. The third is, I feel angry when you
23:09say that because it's just rubbish. I
23:11don't believe it. The fourth is, I'm
23:12going to dismiss all of this as just
23:14silly old woo-woo.
23:17But here's the thing, silly old woo is
23:18quantum physics, the most reliable
23:22science in the world says this.
23:24When you can change your energy
23:27and the frequency you vibrate at, you
23:30change everything. And actually words
23:32even have a frequency. I'm successful.
23:34I'm a failure. Say the word terror and
23:38pain. Then say the word joy and love and
23:41notice the frequency is so different.
23:44Excluded, accepted, loved, rejected and
23:49have a very different frequency.
23:52So when you're saying I'm worth it, I'm
23:54worthy, I deserve it, I'm deserving, you
23:56are changing your frequency. When you
23:58can raise your frequency up here,
24:02the world will join you up here. Sadly,
24:04when it's down there,
24:06it will also join you down there. So if
24:07you feel sad when you say these words or
24:10angry, you'll think, "Hm, silly old
24:12woo-woo."
24:13It only means one thing, it is not yet
24:16familiar. Your brain is wired to like
24:19what is familiar and known
24:21while avoiding what is unfamiliar and
24:23unknown, which is why people who come
24:25into wealth often get rid of it.
24:28Why would you get rid of money? Well, if
24:30it's not familiar, you will. Even love.
24:33There are people who reject love.
24:35They've grown up without love and they
24:37have this belief, "Well, love makes me
24:39vulnerable."
24:40You might have heard of attachment
24:42disorder, children who are never held.
24:44You know, if you pick up a feral cat, it
24:45doesn't nestle into you going, "How
24:47lovely." It scratches you and wriggles
24:48to be put down because being held is
24:51unfamiliar.
24:53But you can make anything familiar. So
24:56if you
24:57to overcome self-sabotage forever, you
25:00must say, "I'm worth it. I'm worthy of
25:04it. I deserve it. I'm deserving of it."
25:06over and over and over again. And by the
25:09way, you change in three ways instantly.
25:12We all want that.
25:13And then cumulatively, bit by bit, we
25:15notice these words are sinking in.
25:19Like butter on warm bread, they're going
25:21in. They're nourishing us from the
25:22inside out. And there's a third way of
25:25changing. You can retroactively look
25:26back and think, "Oh,
25:28I don't seem to have those fears. I'm
25:30not waking up worried. I I'm much
25:32calmer." So, you change immediately.
25:34Some of us
25:36cumulatively, bit by bit. Some of us can
25:38retroactively look back and go,
25:40"Oh, when did I last have these tension
25:42headaches or get in a nervous sweat or
25:45get super anxious?" I don't know.
25:48There's a lag time between doing the
25:49work and seeing the results. I promise
25:52you, I guarantee you, if you can sit
25:54with yourself and say, "I'm worth it. I
25:56deserve it." you will break
25:59self-sabotage forever.
26:01And here's a way to help you.
26:04These bracelets say, "I'm enough." Have
26:06a little bracelet that says, "I'm worth
26:08it." Write it on your fridge. Write it
26:10on your mirror. Write it on your
26:12underwear.
26:13With a marker pen, write it on your
26:15T-shirt. Imagine
26:18making your password, safely of course,
26:21"I'm worth it." You might want to just
26:22have the initials or the whole thing
26:24with some squiggles and characters.
26:25Imagine. You can't open your phone or
26:29your laptop or your desktop until you
26:31type in your password, "I am worthy
26:35of wealth or love or success."
26:38And if it's big, just initial it.
26:40Imagine it goes off twice a day in your
26:43phone alerts.
26:45What you're doing is saturating your
26:47brain with these words. Remember, your
26:49brain does not want perfection,
26:52but it longs for direction. And when you
26:55give it these words, you are giving your
26:57brain direction, and you're telling this
26:59evidence-seeking robot,
27:02"I'm safe to be wealthy. I'm safe to be
27:05loved. I'm safe to be successful."
27:08And if you think it's going to say, "Oh,
27:09you know,
27:11it's lonely at the top. When you have
27:13money, you never know your friends." I
27:14will find someone that's not true. John
27:16and I went to Richard Branson's island.
27:18I've never met a less lonely person in
27:20my life, surrounded by friends and
27:22family. He would never say it's lonely
27:24at the top. When you have money, you
27:26never know who your friends are. The
27:29Osbournes took their whole family with
27:31them. Ed Sheeran did the same thing.
27:33There are many people who've made you
27:35say, "It's not lonely at the top. It's
27:37lovely at the top. I've got everyone
27:39with me." And a lot of you say, "Well,
27:41you know, I don't really understand this
27:43safe thing, because if I'm saying I'm
27:45worth it, I'm worth it, I'm worth it,
27:47what if I said I'm an astronaut?" What
27:49if I said I'm a
27:52brain surgeon? But you see, we are
27:54talking about feelings, not facts. This
27:59evidence-seeking brain of yours will
28:01find evidence for whatever you tell it.
28:02If you say, "Things never work out.
28:05Everything goes wrong.
28:07I'm very clumsy." If you keep saying it,
28:11you will find evidence to make it true.
28:13Because your mind does not interpret
28:16these signals. It actively helps to
28:18create them.
28:20So, if you said every day, "I'm so
28:21forgetful, so forgetful, so forgetful,"
28:23you remember all the evidence. Yeah, you
28:25are. Remember when you forgot your keys,
28:27and you forgot your wallet, and you
28:29forgot to put petrol in the car. But if
28:31you said, "I've got a phenomenal,
28:34impressive, amazing, admirable memory,"
28:37I'll go, "Yeah, you have. Remember when
28:40you gave that to her, you remembered it
28:41all."
28:42So, your brain
28:44finds evidence to back up what you have
28:46chosen to tell it.
28:48Your mind has zero choice. It must
28:52act on the words you tell it. You're the
28:54one with the choice. I'm forgetful. Got
28:56a great memory. Everything I touch
28:58doesn't work. Everything works out.
29:01I'm no good with money.
29:03I'm amazing at investing.
29:06I always find horrible relationships.
29:08I'm attracting someone who loves me and
29:10respects me and is loved
29:12and respected by me. So, the
29:14evidence-seeking robot is looking for
29:16feelings. Of course, if I said
29:19I'm an astronaut. There's no evidence
29:21I'm an astronaut. I'm a brain surgeon
29:23with there's no evidence I've ever done
29:26brain surgery. So, it's going to dismiss
29:27that. But, if I said
29:29I'm worthy of love.
29:32I'm worthy of everything and go right
29:33back to when I was born and go, "Yeah.
29:36That's actually true."
29:38It will also find evidence from other
29:40people. You know, someone just like you
29:42came from nothing and now has
29:45everything. If they can do it, you can.
29:47So, don't confuse yourself. We're not
29:50talking about facts. We're talking about
29:52feelings and emotions. And whatever you
29:55want, love,
29:56money, success, there's evidence
29:59someone else has done it. Another human
30:02being came from nothing
30:04and got everything.
30:06And you can do it. Your job is to give
30:09your brain good evidence.
30:11Your brain's job is to find good
30:13evidence. Your job is to make sure you
30:15take it, too. Uh, I can do this.
30:19I can create a product. After all, who'd
30:21have thought a little fluffy thing that
30:22you hang on a handbag could make
30:24millions and millions of dollars? Who'd
30:25have thought a drink or Prime would have
30:28made millions of dollars? Look at people
30:30on YouTube making millions of dollars
30:33who did not go to Harvard. They just
30:35created a product.
30:37They learned to market.
30:39They learned to create a message and
30:42they monetized it and I promise you you
30:45can too. People who make it are not
30:46sprinkled with make it fairy dust. They
30:49learn particular habits. They work hard.
30:52They have phenomenal self-belief.
30:55They don't take no for an answer. They
30:57see failure as feedback and they hear a
31:01no
31:02as not a denial but just a delay.
31:06And I promise you you can too. So, let's
31:09go on to the other branch of the I'm not
31:11enough tree.
31:13Imposter syndrome. You know,
31:16couple of years ago I got a call from
31:18one of the most famous actors in the
31:19world who said,
31:21"Can you come to see me? I'm playing the
31:24part of an icon
31:26and I just don't feel worthy. I just
31:28don't think I'm enough." So, his driver
31:30picked him up and he drove into this
31:31amazing house
31:33and we kind of waited at the gate
31:35awhile. He said, "Oh, no, no, he he
31:36wants to know when he is going to come
31:38down and meet you in the drive. He's so
31:39impressed with you." I was impressed
31:41with me? Little old me? I'm impressed
31:43with him. So, he waited in the drive. He
31:45was very gracious. We went into his
31:47office and he began to tell me this
31:48story.
31:50"I'm playing an icon and who am I?" And
31:52I'm thinking, "Who am I?"
31:55So, we both had imposter syndrome. He
31:56was thinking, "Who am I to play an
31:58icon?" I was thinking, "Who am I to tell
31:59you how to play an icon? You are an
32:01icon."
32:03And I'm just a girl from a small village
32:04in Cambridge. Who am I to help you with
32:08all your awards and an iconic person?
32:12You know what I love about that? So, we
32:13both had imposter syndrome. We both did
32:16it anyway. You When you have a choice.
32:17Oh, I feel like an imposter, let me
32:19stop. He could have said, "I'm not I'm
32:21going to turn down the part. I don't
32:22need the money.
32:23I feel like I'm an imposter." I could
32:24have said, "Hey, I can't take this job
32:26working with you because I'm an
32:27imposter."
32:29But we both had it and we kept going
32:32and he played that part and he was
32:34outstanding and I did my part and I
32:36pretty good.
32:38So, imposter syndrome just says, "What
32:40if I fail?" And now your brain is
32:43looking for evidence. "Oh, yeah, you
32:45failed when you were eight. You failed
32:47when you were 10. You read that book in
32:49school and you stank up the place. You
32:51were terrible." But it can also find
32:53evidence.
32:55"Oh, you can do it. You can do it."
32:59So, if you have imposter syndrome, it's
33:02just a fear of failing. What if I fail?
33:05But what if you succeed? What if it's
33:07amazing? What if it changes your life?
33:09The only risk in life
33:12is to never take the risk. Failing to
33:15try
33:17is kind of trying to fail. You can try
33:19lots of things that may not work out,
33:21but you're learning who you are
33:24and what your skill set is. So, let's
33:27look again at this enough, I'm enough
33:28tree. His branches says, "I
33:31procrastinate,
33:32I self-sabotage, I have an imposter
33:35syndrome, and I fear failing."
33:38And all of these beliefs were acquired.
33:41You learned every single one.
33:44There isn't a baby on the world saying,
33:45"I'm an imposter.
33:47I self-sabotage.
33:49I'm scared of failing, so I'm never
33:50going to learn to walk or feed myself.
33:54Oh, I'm going to procrastinate with this
33:56walking and feeding."
33:58You'll never find a baby. We are born
34:00motivated. We learn half of what we
34:02learn in our life before even five.
34:05So, close your eyes and imagine you can
34:07go back and find that little baby who
34:10learned to walk and talk and feed
34:12themselves and reach for things and
34:14thought every day was exciting
34:16and full of challenges that they
34:18believed they would overcome.
34:21And the truth is that little baby
34:23you haven't forgotten that. You've
34:26buried it. You've buried
34:29something that you can resurrect.
34:32You are not damaged, but you have some
34:34damaging beliefs. You're not broken, but
34:37you have some broke beliefs. We can fix
34:39the broken belief. We can change a
34:42damaged belief, a belief
34:45is just a thought you think. Hello, and
34:46guess what? If you stop thinking a
34:48thought, where does it go?
34:50You stop thinking your thoughts, where
34:52do they go? Well, they've gone.
34:54They don't exist anymore. You have to
34:55work at it and repeat it. Repetition is
34:58the mother of skills.
35:00So, here's the question for you. I want
35:01you to really think about it.
35:03What would you have to believe about you
35:07to stop self-sabotage,
35:09procrastination,
35:11fear of failure,
35:14or imposter syndrome? What would you
35:16have to believe to not have those
35:18things?
35:20Take a minute and really think about
35:21that. And after this
35:23talk is over, write it in your book.
35:26Write it and look at it again every day.
35:28Answer it. Because in answering that
35:31belief, you will understand
35:33>> [sighs and gasps]
35:33>> what's holding you back, our limiting
35:35beliefs, negative programming, blocking
35:38thoughts that you can overcome forever.
35:42And here's another question. What would
35:44you have to believe and hold on to
35:47to self-sabotage, to procrastinate,
35:51to be scared,
35:53and to have imposter syndrome? What
35:54would you have to believe to not have
35:56it?
35:58And what would you have to believe to
35:59keep it and have it?
36:01Because in that answer
36:03is your absolute freedom. This is not
36:06about me, but I came from a little
36:07village in Cambridge. My dad was the
36:09head teacher. My mother didn't work.
36:11My brother went to private school and my
36:13sister, but I didn't.
36:15I was the girl least likely to and I
36:17knew that.
36:19But it gave me something called I'll
36:21show you. I'll show you. And I'm glad I
36:23had that. And I had fear, all kinds of
36:27of
36:28And I procrastinated. When I got my
36:30first book deal, I actually gave them
36:32the money back. Can you imagine? I
36:34returned it because I just couldn't do
36:36it. Actually, I'm glad I gave them the
36:37money back cuz I wasn't ready. But now
36:40writing my eighth book and I don't have
36:42procrastination.
36:44I don't fear failure. I failed many
36:46times and each failure has taught taught
36:48me something.
36:50Do I self-sabotage? No.
36:52Cuz I understand when you have a great
36:54brain, which you all have, you can talk
36:56yourself into it. All right, I don't
36:58really want to go to the gym.
37:00I can't be bothered to do that. I'm not
37:02in the mood. And I can say, "No, I want
37:04to do it. I love the gym. I am in the
37:06mood." Talk yourself out of
37:09procrastination and into success. Talk
37:11yourself out of self-sabotage and into
37:14being highly motivated. Say,
37:17"I am highly motivated. I'm highly
37:19motivated person." This brain's going to
37:22find evidence that you are.
37:23And even more evidence to keep you
37:25going.
37:27Did I have imposter syndrome? Sure. I
37:28told you that story with that famous
37:30actor. I felt, "Who am I?" I've often
37:32felt, "Who am I?"
37:35But like that great book, Feel the Fear
37:38and Do It Anyway.
37:40The truth is you were born enough.
37:42You're enough now.
37:44And if self-sabotage
37:47and procrastination keep you from
37:48finding the unspeakable truth, "I'm not
37:50enough."
37:52But that's not even true. You are
37:53enough. You have always been enough.
37:56You're enough right now. You'll be
37:57enough until the day you die.
38:00And it is your job and your job alone to
38:02say, "I'm enough. Let's do it now. Let's
38:06say these really powerful core words."
38:08Do it with me.
38:10State it, affirm it, embody it. "I'm
38:12enough.
38:14I matter. I'm significant." And again,
38:17"I am enough. I matter. I am
38:20significant. I'm enough.
38:23I matter. I'm highly significant.
38:27I am enough. I matter.
38:30I'm highly significant. I'm worthy of
38:33success. I deserve it. And I'm going to
38:35end with one thing that I love. I love
38:38it so much. The words that follow I am
38:41are going to follow you
38:44your entire life. The words that go
38:45after I am are going to go after you.
38:48This is a fact.
38:50It is your job and your job alone to
38:52make all your I ams positive. So, if you
38:55say I'm anxious, I'm nervous, [snorts]
38:58I'm worried, I'm not ready, what's the
39:01opposite? I'm calm, I'm prepared, I'm
39:05worth it, I'm ready. So, I want you to
39:07close your eyes one more time and think
39:09of
39:10all of your negative I ams. Everything
39:13has an opposite. Every coin has a flip
39:16side.
39:17I'm worried.
39:19I'm calm. I'm anxious. I'm super
39:22chilled. I'm not prepared. I am so
39:26ready.
39:28So, when you're allowing yourself to go
39:30into negative I am, I'm scared, I'm
39:32panicking, I'm worried, I'm super calm,
39:36I'm absolutely confident I'm on it. It
39:38doesn't have to be true. Remember, lie,
39:41cheat, and steal. Lie to your brain.
39:43Cheat fear. Steal back confidence using
39:46better I ams. Do it with me now.
39:49I'm going to give you five I ams and
39:51you're going to give me five back that
39:53are unique to you.
39:56I'm anxious. I am confident.
39:59I'm not prepared. I am so ready.
40:04I'm not skilled. I'm super skilled.
40:07I'm confident. I'm brave. I'm ready. I'm
40:11worth it. I'm lovable. I'm enough. So,
40:13everything you're doing right now is
40:15shaping your brain.
40:18Imposter syndrome, self-sabotage,
40:21procrastination,
40:22fear of failing,
40:25you shaped the brain you have today with
40:26those beliefs a few years ago, maybe 10
40:29years ago, maybe way back.
40:31But today you can reshape your Remember
40:33this brain is heavily patterned. It goes
40:36the patterns both good and bad.
40:39It finds evidence both good and bad.
40:42That's its job and your job is give it
40:45good evidence, give it good patterns by
40:47saying, "I am a person who
40:51is highly motivated, is on it, applies
40:53themselves, gets things. I'm a person
40:56who self-motivates. I'm a person who
40:59loves getting deep into them finishing.
41:01I'm a person who completes things. I'm a
41:03person who is destined for success and
41:07wealth and love."
41:09Excite your brain, turn it on with these
41:12great words. And by the way, you can
41:13amplify. Don't just say, "I'm enough."
41:15Say, "I'm always enough. I am so enough.
41:18I'm absolutely massively enough.
41:21I am highly motivated, massively
41:24motivated, powerfully motivated." The
41:26words you put in front of words amplify
41:28it. We often do it the wrong way. I got
41:30a massive headache. I'm a massive
41:33procrastinator. I'm a terrible
41:35self-sabotager.
41:38Only amplify things you want. Put words
41:41in front of what you want. I'm diligent.
41:44I'm committed. I'm reliable. I'm
41:46dependable.
41:47I am highly motivated. What I want wants
41:51me.
41:53So, here's the very last question.
41:55What do you require?
41:58When you know what you require, here's
42:00the question. What you require, what
42:01does it require of you? I require to
42:03write books, but not just books,
42:05best-selling books that hopefully change
42:08someone's life. I know what I require,
42:11but I know what it requires of me.
42:13Sitting on my own for hours, days,
42:15weeks, writing, getting the book edited,
42:18sending it out, having it published,
42:20looking at reviews, reading them. Some
42:22are amazing, a couple are not.
42:25Letting in the good. I'm going to say
42:26it's okay to have some bad reviews. I
42:28don't mind cuz I know it's not true.
42:32What do you require and what does what
42:35you require require of you?
42:39You can talk yourself into or out of
42:42anything including
42:44having impostor syndrome.
42:46Everyone who's made it faces issues,
42:51but they keep going.
42:53So, keep going. And remember
42:56this evidence-seeking robot, this
42:59brilliant robot that's looking for
43:01proof. When you go, "I'm terrible with
43:02maths. I'm terrible with confrontation.
43:05I'm terrible when I'm the focus of
43:07attention." You've given it evidence,
43:10but you could flip that, too. "I'm
43:11naturally gifted at maths. I'm
43:14completely comfortable being the focus
43:15of attention. I'm absolutely fine with
43:17confrontation
43:19cuz I can stand my ground and say my
43:21peace while you can say yours."
43:23It's all easy.
43:25Because none of this is hard.
43:28You were born with it. It's just
43:29unfamiliar. And when you begin to say,
43:32"I'm ready. I'm on it. I'm prepared. I'm
43:35highly self-motivated." Guess what? You
43:38make what is unfamiliar familiar. So,
43:41make good stuff familiar. Make
43:43self-sabotage, procrastination, fear of
43:46failing unfamiliar.
43:48And watch your life change beyond
43:50recognition. And remember to answer that
43:52question.
43:54What would you have to believe
43:58to be free of procrastination,
44:00self-sabotage?
44:02What would you have to believe to keep
44:04it? In that, my friend,
44:07is your freedom.
44:09And you can move forwards, and you can
44:11have it all.
44:13As long as you know you're worth it and
44:15you're willing to work hard to get it.
44:16Thanks for tuning in.
44:18And please write to me and tell me what
44:20else I could help with. I love what I
44:22am. So lucky. I do what I love and I
44:24love what I do, and I love to help you
44:25more. Write in. Tell me how I could help
44:28you, what you need.
44:30And if you like this, please share it
44:33with someone else who's also going
44:34through those issues of procrastination,
44:37not enoughness. Please like. Please
44:39subscribe.
44:41See you next time. Thanks for tuning in.
44:44Love you. You are enough, and you will
44:46be till the day you die. But it's your
44:49job to let everyone know. It's not mine.
44:50I'd love to do that for you. It's your
44:51job, and you can do it better than
44:53anyone.
44:54Start right now. Keep going. See you
44:57next time.

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