The Simple Secret of Being Happier | Tia Graham | TEDxManitouSprings — Transcript

Full transcript

1. 0:00Transcriber: Vivian Lim Reviewer: David DeRuwe
2. 0:24When I was 10 years old, things started shifting between my parents
3. 0:31and not for the better.
4. 0:34One day, they called a family meeting.
5. 0:38We had never had a family meeting before.
6. 0:42They sat my two younger sisters and I down,
7. 0:45and they told us that we’d be moving
8. 0:47from our little log cabin in northern British Columbia, Canada
9. 0:53to the southern part of the province.
10. 0:55And that they would be divorcing.
11. 1:00Of course, my sisters and I were devastated.
12. 1:04The entire world that I knew was crumbling apart,
13. 1:11and yet this was not the worst part.
14. 1:14You see, my father, Peter, had always been this happy-go-lucky guy.
15. 1:20The divorce was extremely hard on him,
16. 1:24and he was becoming more and more withdrawn.
17. 1:29He was less engaged with my sisters and I,
18. 1:32he had less energy,
19. 1:34and I barely recognized him anymore.
20. 1:38I remember thinking to myself,
21. 1:42“Is this my new dad?”
22. 1:47One day I woke up at his house, and my sisters were still sleeping,
23. 1:52and I could hear music playing downstairs,
24. 1:56which was very unusual.
25. 1:59As I came downstairs, I could smell fresh orange juice and bacon,
26. 2:04and there was my dad, Peter,
27. 2:06(Laughter)
28. 2:09dancing and making pancakes.
29. 2:14I said, “Good morning, Dad.”
30. 2:18“Good morning, Tia.”
31. 2:21(Laughter)
32. 2:24I said, “Wow Dad, you seem really happy today.
33. 2:27Are you happy because it’s your birthday?”
34. 2:32“You know, Tia, I have had three of the worst years of my entire life,
35. 2:39and I woke up this morning, and I thought to myself,
36. 2:43‘I’m not going to have another bad year.’”
37. 2:50I saw my dad choose happiness.
38. 2:54So what did he do exactly?
39. 2:57He started doing things that he enjoyed doing.
40. 3:01So he played upbeat music all the time.
41. 3:04(Laughter)
42. 3:05He went back to school and changed careers.
43. 3:09He exercised outside, spent time with his horses,
44. 3:14and he spent a lot of time with his friends.
45. 3:18I learned as a young teenager that happiness is a choice,
46. 3:24and it’s something that you do.
47. 3:27And this lesson impacted my entire life.
48. 3:37However, at age 18 and 19,
49. 3:40I was really struggling, and I was not happy.
50. 3:46I had dropped out of university after one semester,
51. 3:50and I was partying way too much.
52. 3:56I knew that there had to be more to life,
53. 3:58and I knew that I had to choose happiness for myself.
54. 4:03This decision took me from living in Calgary, Alberta,
55. 4:07to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina, where I worked with children one summer.
56. 4:14I am so grateful that I chose Hilton Head
57. 4:18because it exposed me to the travel and hospitality industries.
58. 4:22This experience led me to a 15-year career
59. 4:25in the hospitality industry
60. 4:27that I was passionate about and successful in.
61. 4:31I led sales and marketing teams in Hawaii,
62. 4:35New York City,
63. 4:37Istanbul, and Los Angeles.
64. 4:41Remember, I’m from a little log cabin in northern Canada.
65. 4:46A happy life is not about feeling happy all the time.
66. 4:53This is a huge misconception.
67. 4:58A happy life has more positive than pain.
68. 5:03We all have pain.
69. 5:06A happy life has meaning and purpose,
70. 5:10and a happy life has different experiences
71. 5:14that make you psychologically rich.
72. 5:20You think happiness comes from meeting other people and society’s expectations,
73. 5:26but really, it comes from creating your own.
74. 5:30Here is the simple secret of being happier:
75. 5:35Spend time doing things you really enjoy doing.
76. 5:43Society tells us what happiness is,
77. 5:46what happiness looks like,
78. 5:49but what really matters is how you feel.
79. 5:55So many people struggle with happiness.
80. 5:58I struggle.
81. 6:00You struggle.
82. 6:03Whether it’s kids, work, finances,
83. 6:10politics, non-stop technology, social media, family,
84. 6:17or the never-ending 24/7 negative news cycle.
85. 6:23(Laughter)
86. 6:25I personally struggle
87. 6:29to feed my family three times a day,
88. 6:33seven days a week,
89. 6:34every single week.
90. 6:37(Laughter)
91. 6:39I am not a good cook, and I don’t like cooking.
92. 6:43Obviously, I would never make it on Top Chef.
93. 6:47Bottom Chef called and said, “Don’t even bother.”
94. 6:50(Laughter)
95. 6:53Here’s just a few stats:
96. 6:58Gallup’s research
97. 7:00showed that 79% of people, globally, are disengaged while they’re working.
98. 7:05That’s almost 80% of people.
99. 7:08Many people are doing work that they don’t like
100. 7:11or that’s not meaningful to them.
101. 7:13Also, according to Gallup's global research,
102. 7:1541% of people have a lot of stress and worry on a regular basis.
103. 7:21The World Health Organization said one in four are not getting enough exercise,
104. 7:28and the term “work-life balance”
105. 7:30has over 2.8 billion search results on Google.
106. 7:36And your brain, my brain,
107. 7:41all of our brains have a negativity bias,
108. 7:46which is really unfortunate.
109. 7:49We have to work extra hard to be positive and optimistic.
110. 7:57I’m going to share with you four things
111. 8:01that many people really enjoy doing.
112. 8:05I’m going to connect them to the science of happiness.
113. 8:11And I want you to think about these for yourself.
114. 8:16Happiness choice number one -
115. 8:19Spend a lot of quality time with your friends and your family.
116. 8:27For me, this looks like weekly date nights with my husband,
117. 8:30playing with my daughters every single day with my phone away,
118. 8:35and FaceTiming and calling my sisters multiple times a week.
119. 8:40For you, it might be spending a lot of time with your friends.
120. 8:44For you, it might be spending a lot of time with your parents.
121. 8:49The Harvard Grant Study of Adult Development, an over-80-year study,
122. 8:53proved that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships
123. 8:59directly affect our health and our happiness.
124. 9:03Human connection is the number one predictor of happiness.
125. 9:11When I became a parent, I knew that I needed more family time.
126. 9:17And then last Thursday, I was like, “How much can I get for my kids on eBay?”
127. 9:22All the parents, yes, you relate.
128. 9:24Happiness choice number two is getting a good night’s sleep.
129. 9:29This means sleeping seven to nine hours a night,
130. 9:32every single night.
131. 9:34Research shows that sleep increases our happiness,
132. 9:37improves our brain functioning,
133. 9:39and improves our overall quality of life.
134. 9:43So even though those streaming shows are so good
135. 9:46(Laughter)
136. 9:47or even though you could stay up just one more hour, just answer a few more emails,
137. 9:52go to bed
138. 9:54and leave your phone in the kitchen.
139. 9:55(Applause)
140. 9:57How do you treat your spouse or your partner
141. 10:01when you’re really sleep-deprived, maybe stressed?
142. 10:07(Laughter)
143. 10:08Right?
144. 10:09We take it out on the people that love us the most.
145. 10:12That’s who gets it.
146. 10:15Happiness choice number three -
147. 10:18Moving at least four times a week.
148. 10:22Exercise increases our happiness,
149. 10:26increases our brain functioning, and decreases stress and anxiety.
150. 10:31Do not exercise to look good;
151. 10:35exercise to be happier.
152. 10:38And I know you’re busy.
153. 10:40You don’t need to do an hour workout class.
154. 10:42Even if you move 15, 20 minutes, you will get the benefit.
155. 10:47Happiness choice number four is do work that you like,
156. 10:53that is meaningful to you.
157. 10:55Research shows that meaningful work makes us happier and way more motivated
158. 10:59while we’re working
159. 11:01and makes us happier in our personal life.
160. 11:04And if you don’t have the opportunity right now
161. 11:08to change jobs or change careers,
162. 11:13just spend more time helping people,
163. 11:15and your work will be more meaningful.
164. 11:19There are many other happiness choices, such as spending time in nature,
165. 11:25meditating, volunteering, journaling when you’re going through pain.
166. 11:30It's about you.
167. 11:35When you spend your time doing things you really enjoy doing,
168. 11:41you operate at a higher level.
169. 11:44Happy people are more productive while they’re working.
170. 11:48A recent Oxford-MIT study of over 6000 people
171. 11:52proved that people who felt happy
172. 11:53while they’re working are 13% more productive.
173. 11:56That means you work faster, and you work smarter.
174. 12:00And happy people are more successful.
175. 12:05Dr. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, and many others
176. 12:10studied close to a million people over five years.
177. 12:14And the research showed that people who are happy while they’re working
178. 12:18were four times more likely to receive an accolade,
179. 12:21four times more likely to receive a promotion.
180. 12:24So it directly connects to your career success.
181. 12:28Healthy people are healthier and live longer.
182. 12:34So on one extreme, there’s being really selfish,
183. 12:38only caring about yourself.
184. 12:41On the other extreme,
185. 12:42there’s doing what everyone else and what society expects of you.
186. 12:49The simple secret
187. 12:51is to spend your time doing what you really enjoy doing,
188. 12:57so that you’re happier, more successful,
189. 13:00and you will take care of everyone you care about at a higher level.
190. 13:06What you enjoy doing may change over time,
191. 13:10like when my dad found himself single or when you become a parent, for example.
192. 13:16Reflect and take new action.
193. 13:21We all have different set points of happiness
194. 13:26based on our genetics and our life circumstances.
195. 13:30But everyone can make it better for themselves.
196. 13:35In the recent article titled “Can Happiness Be Successfully Pursued?”,
197. 13:40the researchers write, it takes both a will
198. 13:43and a proper way to become happier.
199. 13:49I invite you to prioritize your happiness
200. 13:53and spend your time doing things that you really enjoy doing.
201. 14:00Imagine what that would do for your life.
202. 14:03Imagine if all parents prioritized their happiness
203. 14:09and set this example for their children.
204. 14:13Imagine if all leaders prioritized their happiness
205. 14:18and set this example for their teams.
206. 14:23Think about you,
207. 14:25all the parents and their children,
208. 14:28all the leaders and their teams,
209. 14:30now taking this renewed energy
210. 14:34and using it to serve others and our planet.
211. 14:40What kind of world would that look like?
212. 14:45Thank you.
213. 14:46(Applause)